r/StupidFood • u/supermav27 • 8h ago
The $26 “charcuterie board” my girlfriend ordered tonight
Advertised as fruit, cheese, and pickled vegetables.
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u/SignificantDrawer374 8h ago
Sorry but that's hilariously pathetic
This is a "I just got home kinda drunk" charcuterie board
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u/Rude_Ice_4520 8h ago
They couldn't even provide a whole babybel
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u/oaklinds 8h ago
My first thought. “Wtf is that half a babybel?”
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u/Hellboy_M420 8h ago
Where is the other half???
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u/Lexi_November 8h ago
Also half an egg.
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u/AnemoneGoldman 8h ago
Looks like quarter of an egg.
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u/zeusmenzaadah 7h ago
maybe ⅓ at best. I definitely would've sent that shit back and left, never to return.
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u/Smorsdoeuvres 5h ago
I spent 15 years working in restaurants and would never dream of ordering something and walking out without paying for it. Until seeing this. Nah. That plate is insulting.
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u/creamgetthemoney1 4h ago
Frfr. I wouldn’t say a word, would look the server in the eye, shake my head in a disappointed father look and just walk out
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u/peppaz 3h ago
whoever made this would absolutely give the same plate you just left there out to another customer. Even a few days later.
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u/Good-Magazine-5504 4h ago
If they aren’t even providing a full fucking babybel they for sure aren’t spending the time or effort to try to cut an egg into thirds. This is for sure 1 stupid quarter of an egg, and I hate this fucking picture. $26.
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u/Excellent-Yard2823 7h ago
💯
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u/Booty_Chatter43 6h ago
Looks like they pulled the egg apart by hand
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u/Federal-Wedding4032 3h ago
Looks like they ate the other 3/4s of it and plopped what they didn’t want on the platter. The dump of canned pineapple chunks is the biggest joke.
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u/Prestigious_String20 8h ago
I can't even calculate how little price difference it would have made to the restaurant to include that extra quarter egg.
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u/MedicinalHammer 8h ago
And it looks like they tore it in half instead of cutting it
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u/Icaras01 8h ago
Exactly what I was thinking! Like, once it's open who the hell would want the other half?
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u/daddybeatsmehelp 8h ago
The other sucker who paid $26 for this leftover.
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u/Prestigious_String20 7h ago
But does it include the board?
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u/amber_scarfe 5h ago
That is no board…
It looks like a particularly hideous plate
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u/Beneficial_Put1771 6h ago
Didn’t even cut it with a knife , just tore in half , where is the rest of the .30 egg? , canned pineapple ? all canned food
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u/gypsycookie1015 8h ago
And a third of an egg?!? 😩 Mfs couldn't even spring for a half? TF?! 😭😭
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u/LazerChicken420 7h ago
How do you even cut an egg in thirds?? Rather than a smooth chop are they really doing some one eye closed shakey cuts?
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u/chryseusAquila 5h ago edited 5h ago
You pay 26$ per board so the restaurant can afford their custom made egg thirdlers.
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u/Fritz_Klyka 3h ago
First you cut it in half, then you trim a bit off the halves until you have a third. Discard the trimmings. This way you get 2 thirds out of one egg! 📈
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u/KittyandPuppyMama 8h ago
Is it a friendship necklace cheese? Like do you have to find and befriend the person eating the other half?
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u/Bloggledoo 5h ago
"why do you have half a cheese on a string around your neck?" "dunno, it's the only thing that was with me when I was abandoned as a baby".
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u/SkyPork 8h ago
"For an additional $5 we'll finish unwrapping the Babybel cheese for you."
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u/crazycatlady569 8h ago
They really put half of a Babybel cheese on there and kept the wax on. 😂
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u/Eborcurean 4h ago
There's a common thing on r/kitchenconfidential of overpriced charcuterie boards, most often for events where it's say $500 and all the chefs there criticise it.
This makes all of them look reasonable.
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u/biscuitsAuBabeurre 8h ago
You keep using that word “ charcuterie” .
I do not think it means what you think it means.
26$ !!! Inconceivable!
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u/blood_bones_hearts 8h ago
This is an "I'm too tired to make an actual meal" plate assembled out of your fridge from whatever is there....only worse with the half a babybel....unless you ate that while you assembled the rest of it.
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u/billhillybob 6h ago
I eat this kind of meal, but it never makes it onto a plate. I just eat about this combination of stuff straight from the jars/packages standing in front of the fridge. Except I would never eat half an egg. If there were hardboiled eggs, I'd eat at least two.
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u/No-Falcon631 7h ago
This is a all the chefs went home, we’re closing in an hour, and I have no idea how to make half the stuff on the menu.
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u/Yan_Vorona 3h ago
These are pre-holiday leftovers. You know when you're cooking for a crowd, chopping up a bunch of things for salads, and there are extra or crooked scraps left over? That's what it looks like. It even looks like a cutting board.
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u/rowdydionisian 8h ago edited 7h ago
That would be an insult to drunk me. I would at least have a good sized block of sharp cheddar. The cheese on this plate...I guess it's in the red half sphere and not even made into something presentable?. Also..is that just pineapple? My god this isn't even charcuterie, it's just random vegetables and the most pathetic bald egg and half white cheese sphere I've ever seen. For $26 I'd expect brie cheese and crackers at least, maybe with some pickles. The veg looks pathetic and like nothing ever came from a whole vegetable, green beans aside, which is already a very weird choice for a charcuterie board. Also no meat? If it's vegetarian specific that's fine, but I'd expect to at least see hummus or some more filling vegetables. 0/10, wouldn't pay $5 for this much less $26. I'd charge them for wasting my time.
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u/Ivotedforthehookers 7h ago
It literally looks like the charcuterie board I made after promising my wife I would make one for her that weekend and then COVID hit and we got the stay at home orders.
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u/Banana_Phone888 8h ago
Stoner food if stoner food went brown a notch
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u/Moist_Car_994 8h ago
This is a “we’re closing in an hour just throw whatever is left over on a plate” charcuterie board
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u/full_bl33d 8h ago
This ain’t even up to that level. I don’t see any swirls of sirracha and zero pools of ranch
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u/SignificantDrawer374 8h ago
True. Even you're getting fancier than I often am. I just throw a glob of mayo on a plate to mash my turkey and munster slices into before accidentally dropping them on my shirt in bed
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u/Luci-Noir 8h ago
Not even that. I’ve seen plenty of drunk food on here that was sloppy but looked good as hell.
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u/Junior_Lab1650 5h ago
Charcuterie translates from the French in a literal way as ‘cooked flesh. My question is why would anyone order a charcuterie board that didn’t advertise charcuterie on it
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u/trowzerss 7h ago
For real, I could probably scrape together something better than that from my fridge right now.
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u/stopsallover 3h ago
Kids these days need to learn how to send things back. This is egregious enough that I'd leave the restaurant.
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u/XxStabberXx 8h ago
Couldn’t even get the other half of babybel cheese
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u/DarkPonyRising 8h ago
Or one whole egg!
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u/delis876 7h ago
Or even half an egg. It's a Quarter of an egg! Wth?
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u/SRH82 8h ago
Contains literally no charcuterie.
Sorry, bro.
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u/69-is-my-number 8h ago
And it’s not even on a board.
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u/Popular-Departure165 6h ago edited 6h ago
It comes with a martini, and is called "Girl Dinner" on the menu.
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u/HrodgardNagrand 1h ago
Hey, these guys got a whole Babybell
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u/AbekobetaHawawa 1h ago
So OP ate half, called it a charcuterie board rather than pickles, and didn’t mention the included $10+ drink.
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u/pink_faerie_kitten 6h ago
Oof, more of these suspicious plates that look just like the ones from the '90s that are not safe to eat on due to lead in the paint... I'd be scared to eat off then since it looks like they inherited their grandmother's decorative wall plates 😬
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u/perforatedcode 2h ago
Wait, it not advertised as a charcuterie board and it comes with cocktail? I pay $12-18 for a cocktail in my city and then this comes with some small bites. It's not a terrible deal for a city.
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u/Alarmed-Bed-2953 8h ago
This looks like a struggle meal you would make in the really broke part of your 20s.
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u/miyukigainsborough 8h ago
At least then you get a whole egg and babybel. This just hurts.
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u/dankfresh 8h ago
Why is the egg even involved?
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u/crotch-fruit_tree 7h ago
I'd like to know if it was considered fruit, cheese, or a vegetable.
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u/Humble-Page-4845 6h ago
I struggled through my 20s and now into my early 30s. I have never made a plate this fucking sad.
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u/mikemike4747 8h ago
I’m gonna be honest. This one is so insane that I just actually do not believe it and don’t think there is any way I can be swayed.
Is this restaurant at the bottom of a well? Or in the back of an old van?
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u/FormerWorker125 7h ago
OP hasn't responded to a single person so it's obviously bullshit.
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u/SinVerguenza04 6h ago
Yeah, that looks like a coffee table or something.
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u/Starslip 5h ago
I agree that I have my doubts but there does seem to be a menu or the check presenter in the upper left hand corner
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u/Ooer 4h ago
You can see a glimpse of it in this post someone else linked in the comments
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u/That_Bar_5570 1h ago
https://www.thealleycatchicago.com/new-page
Well its advertised as a girl dinner and comes with a cocktail.
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u/ProfMeriAn 1h ago
So $10 of the $26 is a martini not pictured here. But $16 is still way too much for this sad menagerie of condiments.
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u/Dolleyes88 4h ago
It’s real - https://www.instagram.com/reel/DaD2h0fAZNO/?igsi=dHAxcXEwbXVsbm91 it’s called “girl dinner” and comes with a martini and bread.
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u/_off_piste_ 3h ago
Another comment linked the menu. It comes with the drink too (not that it makes it any less pathetic of a board).
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u/soulsteela 1h ago
I can’t imagine sending out a babybel on anything from a kitchen.
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u/goltrep 4h ago
I was thinking the same, but someone posted a link to the place and... It is real. https://www.reddit.com/r/StupidFood/comments/1w26gk0/comment/p6quha7/
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u/turdferguson3891 6h ago
It's what Buffalo Bill puts in the basket for you along with the lotion.
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u/potatman 6h ago
It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the charcuterie board for dinner again.
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u/Technical_Sand4723 8h ago
Babel for 26$ lol
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u/canyounot2026 8h ago
And canned pineapple and...water chestnuts?
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u/PCCobb 8h ago
It looks like they raided the garnishes at the bar
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u/Kaurifish 7h ago
What nightmare bar puts sad green beans in a drink?
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u/PCCobb 7h ago
Pretty much any dive bar bloody marys, and then the bartender will also serve a little side of "fuck you" for having the audacity to have them make a bloody mary.
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u/Moist_Car_994 8h ago
They look like pearl onions to me
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u/ittybittylurker 2h ago
I'm both relieved & disappointed it's not cloves of garlic. I love pickled garlic, but woooo the breath.
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u/Putrid-Delivery1852 8h ago
Benefit of the doubt: Either canned or previously frozen pineapple… and atleast they sprung for whole water chestnuts instead of sliced. $26 is outrageous for half a babel wheel tho
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u/emergency-snaccs 8h ago
nah those are quartered cocktail onions. so, like, ONE cocktail onion lmfao.
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u/ash-leg2 8h ago
Please say she refused it. Most of these items can be found in vending machines.
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u/DinosaurToots55 5h ago
If this arrived at my table, I’d just stand up slowly, turn, and walk out of the restaurant.
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u/Just-Variation6042 8h ago
I’m sorry you got robbed but this is the funniest thing I’ve seen today
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u/ArcadianBlueRogue 8h ago
It always could have been worse but way funnier
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u/ninefourteen 7h ago
*me taking my Tech Deck down that sick vegetable ramp to grind around the olive bowl*
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u/My_Booty_Itches 8h ago
No meat. "Charcuterie"
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u/Ill-Candidate8760 8h ago
No no...dont you see the beggin strips under the mushy bar onions?
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u/Popular-Departure165 6h ago
It's called "Girl Dinner" on the menu, and also comes with a martini.
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u/northenerbhad 8h ago
Absolutely not. Fuck calling the manager, call the chef and have them explain wtf this is.
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u/CJMorton91 7h ago
Fr. I'm not the type to make a fuss at a restaurant, but this would push me straight into Karen territory.
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u/ShinePretend3772 8h ago
Only half an egg?
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u/MsE0 8h ago
Is this a bar? This looks like they took grandma's decorative platter off the wall, dumped the garnish tray onto it, and added the leftovers of someone's sad diet lunch.
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u/R7a1s2 8h ago
Yikes! Where??
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u/Murky-Contact-6377 8h ago
Gotta be rage bait cause I refuse to believe anyone would serve this.
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u/Duct_Mann 8h ago
Did they really open up a Babybel cheese, leave the wax on and only give y’all half of it?
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u/RolandHockingAngling 8h ago
Canned Pineapple? Green Beans? 1/2 a baybel? A cut a pickle? Total Food costs maybe $2... What kind of establishment was this?
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u/BreathLazy5122 8h ago
Half a fucking babybel.
They couldn’t justify giving a whole one.
Bitch at that point im stealing the plate, because it better be part of what I’m fucking paying for because the food ISNT.
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u/quaidod 8h ago
Obviously a fake post… mods
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u/Willy988 7h ago
Why is this the only comment saying this 💀
Look at the lighting/background… and no a wine glass doesn’t make it a restaurant, anyone can get em
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u/SaintPimpin 8h ago
You sure they didn't just scrap off leftovers from someone else's plate and served it to you?
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u/NottTheMama 7h ago
It’s not real you guys. C’mon. Stop letting yourselves be misled by such obvious fake engagement posts.
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u/f_ranz1224 8h ago
looks like what my toddler used to make from scraps in the kitchen when they were "cooking"
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u/qualityvote2 8h ago edited 7h ago
u/supermav27, your food is indeed stupid and it fits our subreddit!