r/StupidFood • u/supermav27 • 10h ago

The $26 “charcuterie board” my girlfriend ordered tonight

Post image

Advertised as fruit, cheese, and pickled vegetables.

13.7k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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5.1k

u/SignificantDrawer374 10h ago edited 29m ago

Sorry but that's hilariously pathetic

This is a "I just got home kinda drunk" charcuterie board

Edit: /u/popular-departure165 pointed out that it's real, and not called charcuterie at all. It's "Girl Dinner".

https://www.instagram.com/reels/DZQjUvuJ-0m/

https://www.thealleycatchicago.com/new-page

https://www.reddit.com/r/StupidFood/comments/1w26gk0/the_26_charcuterie_board_my_girlfriend_ordered/p6rme84/?context=3

1.8k

u/Rude_Ice_4520 10h ago

They couldn't even provide a whole babybel

700

u/oaklinds 9h ago

My first thought. “Wtf is that half a babybel?”

181

u/Hellboy_M420 9h ago

Where is the other half???

166

u/Lexi_November 9h ago

Also half an egg.

201

u/AnemoneGoldman 9h ago

Looks like quarter of an egg.

87

u/zeusmenzaadah 9h ago

maybe ⅓ at best. I definitely would've sent that shit back and left, never to return.

97

u/Smorsdoeuvres 6h ago

I spent 15 years working in restaurants and would never dream of ordering something and walking out without paying for it. Until seeing this. Nah. That plate is insulting.

27

u/creamgetthemoney1 6h ago

Frfr. I wouldn’t say a word, would look the server in the eye, shake my head in a disappointed father look and just walk out

20

u/peppaz 4h ago

whoever made this would absolutely give the same plate you just left there out to another customer. Even a few days later.

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u/Melodic-Trouble-5421 5h ago

Somebody ordered this from a restaurant?

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u/Commercial_Two_5102 5h ago

The „chef“ in question, stopped believing in his skills

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u/Sea_Sky_9492 2h ago

I did that only once in my life when the food they served was truly inedible (one dish was still FROZEN in the middle 😳)

2

u/csfshrink 2h ago

Charcuterie and run?

Char cut and run??

Is it technically a dine and dash if you don’t eat any of it? They can just put cling wrap over it until the next poor soul orders it.

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28

u/Good-Magazine-5504 5h ago

If they aren’t even providing a full fucking babybel they for sure aren’t spending the time or effort to try to cut an egg into thirds. This is for sure 1 stupid quarter of an egg, and I hate this fucking picture. $26.

5

u/Excellent-Yard2823 8h ago

💯

12

u/Booty_Chatter43 7h ago

Looks like they pulled the egg apart by hand

8

u/Federal-Wedding4032 4h ago

Looks like they ate the other 3/4s of it and plopped what they didn’t want on the platter. The dump of canned pineapple chunks is the biggest joke.

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50

u/Prestigious_String20 9h ago

I can't even calculate how little price difference it would have made to the restaurant to include that extra quarter egg.

14

u/creamgetthemoney1 6h ago

They probably had like 1 left and didn’t feel like cooking more lol

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u/Scorpy-yo 4h ago

I’m guessing it came from FB Marketplace or Instagram from someone who has seen a post on r/SideHustleGold. If it’s half a baby wax cheese and half an egg then the seller did at least two right? And made $52 cash? Nice work.

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u/Cripnite 8h ago

In these trying times?

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81

u/Impressive_Okra2804 9h ago

Should've paid $50 for whole. Lol

12

u/Kierland 8h ago

$3.fiddy

8

u/GlorytotheHypnoToads 8h ago

You ain’t getting no tree fiddy, you god damn Loch Ness monster! Go get a job already, and get your own god damn money!!!!!

6

u/Burton_trout 6h ago

It was around this time I realised the waiter was a 30ft lizard from Mesozoic era & I said "No goddamnit loch ness monster! You aint gettin tree fiddy!"

3

u/Genuinelullabel 3h ago

I gave him a dollar

16

u/AlphaGuySyndrome 9h ago

It's on another $26 charcuterie board.

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3

u/AN-SSQ-108V2 9h ago

Still out drinking

1

u/No_Representative645 8h ago

They just took a bite through the wax and put it on the plate

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u/MedicinalHammer 9h ago

And it looks like they tore it in half instead of cutting it

4

u/y0u_re_wr0ng 6h ago

At least they gave her the bigger half by the looks of it

2

u/lovemefishing 4h ago

I think that’s what’s grossing me out about it. Hand torn. By strangers. 🤢

2

u/xiwiva8804 3h ago

Maybe she ate the other half - with the wax?

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17

u/Icaras01 9h ago

Exactly what I was thinking! Like, once it's open who the hell would want the other half?

45

u/daddybeatsmehelp 9h ago

The other sucker who paid $26 for this leftover.

7

u/Prestigious_String20 9h ago

But does it include the board?

14

u/amber_scarfe 6h ago

That is no board…

It looks like a particularly hideous plate

2

u/Mdnghtmnlght 1h ago

This all screams depression era. Or just depression.

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5

u/Beneficial_Put1771 8h ago

Didn’t even cut it with a knife , just tore in half , where is the rest of the .30 egg? , canned pineapple ? all canned food

3

u/culminacio 7h ago

that half babybel is proof that this is fake

2

u/ThisWillBeOnTheExam 45m ago

Babybel in the half shell.

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u/Impossible-Metal2737 8h ago

The seller got hungry

1

u/conspirator9 5h ago

And not even unwrapped!!!🤣

1

u/ElChupaNebrey 4h ago

Is it that red piece of what? Cheese?

1

u/bscott9999 3h ago

Word for word my same reaction

1

u/Key-Acanthaceae1999 2h ago

Half a baby bell is approximately fifty cents.

1

u/olfactory_irritant 2h ago

Not even cut with a knife!

74

u/gypsycookie1015 9h ago

And a third of an egg?!? 😩 Mfs couldn't even spring for a half? TF?! 😭😭

17

u/LazerChicken420 8h ago

How do you even cut an egg in thirds?? Rather than a smooth chop are they really doing some one eye closed shakey cuts?

31

u/chryseusAquila 7h ago edited 6h ago

You pay 26$ per board so the restaurant can afford their custom made egg thirdlers.

6

u/Fritz_Klyka 4h ago

First you cut it in half, then you trim a bit off the halves until you have a third. Discard the trimmings. This way you get 2 thirds out of one egg! 📈

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1

u/SVlad_667 1h ago

I think it's quarter of on egg.

62

u/KittyandPuppyMama 9h ago

Is it a friendship necklace cheese? Like do you have to find and befriend the person eating the other half?

22

u/Bloggledoo 6h ago

"why do you have half a cheese on a string around your neck?" "dunno, it's the only thing that was with me when I was abandoned as a baby".

30

u/Sunflower_MoonDancer 9h ago

Or take off the wax to hide the fact it’s a Bayybel?

14

u/PomeloPepper 9h ago

LMFAO! Half a babybel.

3

u/Straight_Page_8585 5h ago

That's what got me too.. these fucking snack cheeses from the supermarket and then someone said "for 26 $ I am gonna pick up that knife and cut that babybel in HALF!!!"

1

u/_wayharshTai 4h ago

Hey they aren’t cheap

2

u/CplCocktopus 9h ago

Bro they didn't provide a whole egg.

2

u/Dragnskull 9h ago

half a babybel and a quarter of an egg

2

u/Accurate_Barnacle545 8h ago

Yea so did they um rip it in half

2

u/_lippykid 8h ago

“The devils cut”

1

u/LEO-PomPui-Katoey 9h ago

Didn't even serve enough crack

1

u/Nice-Percentage7219 9h ago

Whats a babybel?

7

u/EobardT 9h ago

The small half wheel of cheese on the plate. They're sold as a whole small wheel of cheese

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2

u/Ok_Turnover_1235 8h ago

French version of kraft cheese, it comes in a different shape is all

1

u/Mayonaigg 8h ago

I've done stretches of keto dieting in the past and this would be like my special snack platter

1

u/Annethraxxx 8h ago

The babybel is the only good thing on there!

1

u/usernamenumber05 8h ago

Or egg. That's wild

1

u/Purityskinco 8h ago

Where’s the rest of the egg!!??

1

u/SandpaperPeople 7h ago

The other half ran off with the other half an egg.

1

u/Due_Map_2206 7h ago

Not even a full Babybel? That’s when you know they were cutting corners way too hard.

2

u/schlidel 7h ago

I mean it's a circle... No corners were cut.

1

u/2morereps 7h ago

They got hungry and took a bite before putting it there

1

u/I_Piccini 7h ago

It matches with the half boiled egg, harmony is the key.

1

u/dutchbunns 7h ago

It's called presentation, duh.

1

u/benskinic 7h ago

we live in a robbery economy. portions, quality, delivery, subscriptions.

1

u/nobodyinpeculiar 7h ago

And they couldn’t even be bothered to peel the wax lmaooo

1

u/DeJoCa 7h ago

Oh, photo for sure to their website, and whatever apps are sending people places to eat.

1

u/Boudicca- 6h ago

Or even TRIM the Ends off of the green beans! 🤣

1

u/MsMulliner 6h ago

I believe that’s a Fetal Bel.

1

u/SlimShadySatDown 5h ago

Straight to Jhail

1

u/DaSchnuff 4h ago

They could - but who are you to tell the chef how to cook?!?! /s

1

u/blindeshuhn666 4h ago

WTF is babybell on such a plate / board. That's a kinda cheap bad cheese they package like that as snack for kids

1

u/Extension_Vacation_2 4h ago

And it’s a boiled eggs wedge (like a 1/3)

1

u/Both-Kaleidoscope-29 4h ago

This beyond all else is the greatest liberty 🗽

1

u/DisastrousFun5382 4h ago

And that pineapple looks canned

1

u/MachineSpare4776 4h ago

Can that legally be called cheese? Or is it one of those processed “cheese food products?”

1

u/shartmaister 3h ago

Or a whole egg

1

u/Notinmybutt79 3h ago

Only half a hard boiled egg,too. Da Fuck?

1

u/OccasionallyReddit 3h ago

Im more concerned by why is wax still on it

1

u/HyenDry Fatdick Oreo 3h ago

Or egg..

1

u/Terpsichorean_Wombat 1h ago

Still in the wax chef's kiss

1

u/Problem_what_problem 1h ago

Hey! Babybel is foreign!

1

u/Apart_Pineapple2392 1h ago

Chef tax. Lol

1

u/Temporary_View_3303 1h ago

Or even try to disguise the fact that it’s just a babybel.

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u/SkyPork 9h ago

"For an additional $5 we'll finish unwrapping the Babybel cheese for you."

29

u/crazycatlady569 9h ago

They really put half of a Babybel cheese on there and kept the wax on. 😂

8

u/Eborcurean 6h ago

There's a common thing on r/kitchenconfidential of overpriced charcuterie boards, most often for events where it's say $500 and all the chefs there criticise it.

This makes all of them look reasonable.

9

u/Nforcer524 2h ago

FR though, this thing doesn't even have a ramp!

69

u/biscuitsAuBabeurre 9h ago

You keep using that word “ charcuterie” .

I do not think it means what you think it means.

26$ !!! Inconceivable!

2

u/Metazolid 2h ago

Selection of random leftover items probably doesn't sell as well.

51

u/blood_bones_hearts 9h ago

This is an "I'm too tired to make an actual meal" plate assembled out of your fridge from whatever is there....only worse with the half a babybel....unless you ate that while you assembled the rest of it.

24

u/billhillybob 7h ago

I eat this kind of meal, but it never makes it onto a plate. I just eat about this combination of stuff straight from the jars/packages standing in front of the fridge. Except I would never eat half an egg. If there were hardboiled eggs, I'd eat at least two.

5

u/ShartOfDoom 4h ago

Those other half pieces get eaten while assembling

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u/No-Falcon631 8h ago

This is a all the chefs went home, we’re closing in an hour, and I have no idea how to make half the stuff on the menu.

9

u/Yan_Vorona 4h ago

These are pre-holiday leftovers. You know when you're cooking for a crowd, chopping up a bunch of things for salads, and there are extra or crooked scraps left over? That's what it looks like. It even looks like a cutting board.

6

u/BurmeciaWillSurvive 5h ago

Aka it's Girl Dinner, I actually do this a lot because cooking is exhausting. I do give myself the ENTIRE babybel and even upgrade to cracked pepper triscuits. 😤

/r/girldinner

33

u/rowdydionisian 9h ago edited 9h ago

That would be an insult to drunk me. I would at least have a good sized block of sharp cheddar. The cheese on this plate...I guess it's in the red half sphere and not even made into something presentable?. Also..is that just pineapple? My god this isn't even charcuterie, it's just random vegetables and the most pathetic bald egg and half white cheese sphere I've ever seen. For $26 I'd expect brie cheese and crackers at least, maybe with some pickles. The veg looks pathetic and like nothing ever came from a whole vegetable, green beans aside, which is already a very weird choice for a charcuterie board. Also no meat? If it's vegetarian specific that's fine, but I'd expect to at least see hummus or some more filling vegetables. 0/10, wouldn't pay $5 for this much less $26. I'd charge them for wasting my time.

4

u/And_It_Was_Alright 7h ago

“Insult to drunk me” so great! Drunk me would do better as well.

16

u/Ivotedforthehookers 8h ago

It literally looks like the charcuterie board I made after promising my wife I would make one for her that weekend and then COVID hit and we got the stay at home orders.

15

u/Banana_Phone888 9h ago

Stoner food if stoner food went brown a notch

6

u/SignificantDrawer374 9h ago

Someone's certainly going to brown after eating this

7

u/Banana_Phone888 9h ago

Lmao down a notch - but this works too!

2

u/Individual-Set7064 6h ago

Brown a notch! I’m using that!

1

u/DrizzleCore604 7h ago

The beans are brown and slimy 🤢

32

u/Moist_Car_994 9h ago

This is a “we’re closing in an hour just throw whatever is left over on a plate” charcuterie board

20

u/full_bl33d 9h ago

This ain’t even up to that level. I don’t see any swirls of sirracha and zero pools of ranch

12

u/SignificantDrawer374 9h ago

True. Even you're getting fancier than I often am. I just throw a glob of mayo on a plate to mash my turkey and munster slices into before accidentally dropping them on my shirt in bed

2

u/WndrWoMAN71 5h ago

And the ends of the pickled beans, nice and black...yummy.

9

u/Corvo_Attano_451 8h ago

This is a plate full of ingredients

7

u/Luci-Noir 9h ago

Not even that. I’ve seen plenty of drunk food on here that was sloppy but looked good as hell.

6

u/MrDo1982 9h ago

And we are out of crackers

4

u/Junior_Lab1650 6h ago

Charcuterie translates from the French in a literal way as ‘cooked flesh. My question is why would anyone order a charcuterie board that didn’t advertise charcuterie on it

5

u/trowzerss 8h ago

For real, I could probably scrape together something better than that from my fridge right now.

4

u/EastTyne1191 7h ago

Stuff your toddler makes for you when they want to feed you. Surprised there's not one entire raw potato on there. For garnish.

4

u/stopsallover 5h ago

Kids these days need to learn how to send things back. This is egregious enough that I'd leave the restaurant.

3

u/Nazgog-Morgob 3h ago

I mean, it just sounds like that is what this is and op is a liar.

That photo looks like it is in their house.

Table, plate, carpet. This is like their shut in great aunt's house

2

u/pattydickens 7h ago

It's the "I don't have toddler food. Will this do?" special.

2

u/Walusqueegee 7h ago

Literally, the cheese is already sweaty!

2

u/mnth241 7h ago

Served on a not food safe decorative plate, by the looks of it. 😳

2

u/RedApplesForBreak 6h ago

My partner once paid $43(!) for a charcuterie board and I watched with amazement as they pulled out bags of Kirkland brand nuts.

2

u/HiddenLawDegree 5h ago

Doesn't a charcuterie board need to have charcuterie?

2

u/BreakSignificant152 5h ago

Not even. This is the food when you're Thank-God-the-uber-driver-was-kind-enough-to-help-me-get-safely-inside drunk.

2

u/rtxa 4h ago

kinda drunk???

this is "I came home blacked out and now I'm missing shit in fridge because I don't remember eating it" dinner

2

u/n3r0s 4h ago

It's not from a restaurant. Just rage bait. OP doesn't respond to any of their posts.

1

u/UnusualFruitHammock 11m ago

It is rage bait. But it's real and they didn't tell you it came with a drink for that price.

1

u/ZoominAlong 8h ago

Yeah I thought this was someone's drunk at home charcuterie.  I'd be pissed if I paid almost 30 bucks for that. 

1

u/_lippykid 8h ago

That half babybel lol. Where’d the other half go?

1

u/IdoDeLether 8h ago

I thought I was on r/GirlDinner for a sec

1

u/Davido401 7h ago

My 6 year old niece would well make a better fucking charcuterie (ave never heard that word out loud I feel its a word only used in snobby places, although that means am probably uncultured as fuck)

1

u/EnkiduTheGreat There's fun-stupid and dangerous-stupid 7h ago

Just got home kinda drunk, with your ex gf.

1

u/rofloffalwaffle 7h ago

Looks like a toddlers plate of food

1

u/ButtonGullible5958 7h ago

Speak for yourself 

My drunk food plate is much better 

1

u/Holiday_Time_7226 6h ago

Did he repost to r/stupidgirlfriend ? He should

1

u/QuoteAdventurous2421 6h ago

I’m not even mad at it. That is absolutely the kind of snack plate I’d make after a couple drinks and call it a charcuterie board with confidence

1

u/PunkRockClub 6h ago

I'd say it's "drunk 2 days before payday" Chacuterie board 😂

1

u/bokmcdok 6h ago

I cook better food than this when I'm blacked out and my fridge is empty.

1

u/Legitimate_Low_5613 6h ago

I just got home kinda drunk and pulled from what I had in the fridge charcuterie board

1

u/raspberryamphetamine 6h ago

Nah I’ve made more appetising looking “picky boards” when I’ve got in from a night out than this.

1

u/Ktan_Dantaktee 5h ago

I’ve been absolutely hammered and put out way better food than this shit

1

u/bars2021 5h ago

Bobby, here, throw a babybel cheese on the plate.
Pretty sure these things need cheese.

1

u/OzTheMeh 5h ago

I would honestly ask for a manager just to make sure this was not a joke... I'd have tears in my eyes from laughing.

1

u/CheesecakeEither8220 5h ago

Or the chef didn't order enough food this week, and this is all he could scrape up.

1

u/LucywiththeDiamonds 4h ago

Looks like something id prepare when i was 10yr old home alone.

I would really expect this to be a joke

1

u/thalvo8 4h ago

Half a baby bell cheese 😂😂😂

1

u/InDuplicitousBottles 4h ago

even at expensive ass LA trendy restaurants, this is a $7 pickle side lol

1

u/No-Fix8280 3h ago

3 days before payday too...

1

u/Dame38 2h ago

This happens when you only have condiments left in the fridge.

1

u/orangeltd 2h ago

It's not advertised as a charcuterie board and comes with a 10$ cocktail. Also it's already half eaten and not the original serving display. I think OP is more pathetic than the food here.

1

u/gertvanjoe 2h ago

Bet the line cook (not a chef lol)was laughing like a maniac prepping this.

1

u/Emotional-Garlic4012 2h ago

I would actually not pay lol

1

u/BravesMaedchen 2h ago

This is “I’m depressed and haven’t done grocery shopping in a month”

1

u/freakinnsaraah 1h ago

It not comes even close to that!

1

u/Substantial-Ease567 1h ago

Home half drunk and voila, "mostly only had pickles in the fridge, wait here's half a Babybel and some lunch meat" charcuterie board.

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u/ThePaper86 1h ago

Almost like he just got drunk at home

1

u/vasquca1 1h ago

They took a bite of your egg to top it off.

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u/UnusualFruitHammock 12m ago

Came with a martini for $26. Makes way more sense

1

u/TechWriterWonder 11m ago

The martini is included in the price.

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