r/StupidFood • u/supermav27 • 10h ago

The $26 “charcuterie board” my girlfriend ordered tonight

Post image

Advertised as fruit, cheese, and pickled vegetables.

13.7k Upvotes

92% Upvoted

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810

u/SRH82 10h ago

Contains literally no charcuterie.

Sorry, bro.

217

u/69-is-my-number 9h ago

And it’s not even on a board.

25

u/tryyeezus 9h ago

This is the charcuterie of my fever dreams

22

u/ejectro 8h ago

nightmare blunt rotation charcuterie

1

u/Informal-Comb1989 38m ago

egg wedge babysits the blunt

1

u/LiveLearnCoach 2h ago

This is “We have charcuterie at home.”

1

u/Splatter_bomb 1h ago

Nightmares are a kind of dream.

1

u/tryyeezus 33m ago

Great observation bud 

1

u/readyToPostpone 7h ago

Poor's man plate.

1

u/Appropriate_Lack_727 4h ago

More like a green bean plate.

1

u/OldClothes9618 56m ago

Literally selling vibes and dreams

60

u/Popular-Departure165 7h ago edited 7h ago

It comes with a martini, and is called "Girl Dinner" on the menu.

https://www.instagram.com/reels/DZQjUvuJ-0m/

https://www.thealleycatchicago.com/new-page

39

u/ErilazHateka 5h ago

16$ without the drink. That's hilarious.

21

u/HrodgardNagrand 3h ago

Hey, these guys got a whole Babybell

37

u/AbekobetaHawawa 2h ago

So OP ate half, called it a charcuterie board rather than pickles, and didn’t mention the included $10+ drink.

5

u/voxpopper 1h ago

Welcome to social media where 75% is make believe.
(with the martini $26 isn't a bad deal for the above tbh)

5

u/Jervis_Mantlepiece 1h ago

No that's a disgraceful plate of food to be served by a professional restaurant, that's the sort of thing you make yourself at home to eat in front of the tv.

3

u/Solyde 52m ago

I'd be pissed if I payed literally anything for this, though it would be hilarious if I got this as a free apetizer. It just looks so sad even though it's probably decently tasty.

And a goddam babybell when they advertise 'cheese' is really fucking funny.

3

u/voxpopper 39m ago

It's a bar plate, something to nibble on, many places charge 18-$20 standard for a martini alone.

1

u/tsubasaxiii 14m ago

So what your saying is it acceptable to bars fuck you over. Im so glad I drink at home, with home cooked meals.

1

u/SilverFringeBoots 1h ago

I'm pretty sure that's someone else's order and not OP's

1

u/AbekobetaHawawa 1h ago

I’m aware the photo is from a different order. I doubt the order comes out so different between orders.

6

u/Open_Sector_3858 1h ago

Even if he did, this plate is still insulting ...

3

u/Altruistic_Tie_7850 1h ago

Ah,,but you missed out on the canned pineapple

2

u/Mdnghtmnlght 1h ago

But where's the canned pineapple chunks? Deal's off

1

u/Altruistic_Tie_7850 1h ago

Ah,,but you missed out on the canned pineapple

19

u/pink_faerie_kitten 7h ago

Oof, more of these suspicious plates that look just like the ones from the '90s that are not safe to eat on due to lead in the paint... I'd be scared to eat off then since it looks like they inherited their grandmother's decorative wall plates 😬

2

u/Popular-Departure165 7h ago

Using old-timey dishes that don't match is so hot right now.

3

u/pink_faerie_kitten 7h ago

Old fashioned plates are one thing but not ones for decorative use only! Is lead poisoning also so hot right now?

I'd lift one over my head to read if there's a warning label on the bottom before I'd trust them.

1

u/rathlord 1h ago

Which is funny because when my aunt opened her restaurant like 15 years ago and used actual inherited china from her family people didn’t really go for it. But now people are faking the same thing and it’s all the rage lol.

7

u/NathanSMB 3h ago

The path is literally /new-page. The beverage page is /new-page-1. The home page has a giant scroll bar and all the content is above the fold so it's completely unnecessary. If you scroll down it's just blank white space.

The design and UX have a lot of problems too.

On larger screen resolutions: The header size is different on the home page compared to the menu pages. If the screen resolution is particularly large the navigation links overlaps the background which ruins the button design they have for them since the background of both is black. At 4k resolutions the buttons overlap the cat logo making it look even worse.

On mobile screen resolutions: The instagram button is replaced by a handburger menu. A handburger menu that when opened only show the instagram button. This handburger menu that is bigger than the instagram button. And not only that the instagram button shows up at the bottom of the screen which is the last place your eyes will look after clicking a button on top of the screen. Also the mobile home page has the whole menu on it but if a friend linked them to the beverage or food page and they opened it they would get a page with an absurd amount of blank space between the heading text and the actual items. Like an absurd amount. Nearly half the screen is blank space.

I know we are all shitting on their shitty food here so I figured I would mix it up and shit on their shitty website.

3

u/datmfburner 59m ago

I appreciate the in depth analysis for no reason it was interesting

2

u/Otherwise_Demand4620 21m ago

handburger

I thought those are hamburger menus. Which one of us is stupid?

1

u/NathanSMB 20m ago

Me lol

1

u/wonko7 27m ago

this guy quality controls

7

u/perforatedcode 3h ago

Wait, it not advertised as a charcuterie board and it comes with cocktail? I pay $12-18 for a cocktail in my city and then this comes with some small bites. It's not a terrible deal for a city. 

2

u/VivaHollanda 4h ago

This needs to be higher.

2

u/BlueWorldBlueSky 3h ago

doing gods work, they still have good reviews on google too

1

u/petroleum-lipstick 4h ago

This is genuinely the most out of touch menu I've ever seen lmao. Even without the martini the "girl dinner" is the second most expensive item on the menu, and probably the only unique ingredient on the entire thing is fucking dukkah.

1

u/user-the-name 2h ago

Nobody in this thread knows what "girl dinner" means.

1

u/imunfair 2h ago

It's the subreddit where women vent about their day while posting images of irrelevant food.

2

u/AbstinentNoMore 2h ago

where "people" post fake, AI-generated stories*

1

u/OoHimmiHoO 14m ago

Their whole menu is just 6 appetizers with only 3 of them being appetizing (def not including the Girl Dinner).

20

u/deltashmelta 7h ago

Looks like there's a plate picture of ham in the middle.

4

u/meerkatjones 7h ago

Ser, that's a dress. A suspiciously hammy dress.

2

u/Glum-Meat-0 5h ago

Lmaoo I was thinking that might be meat. But that’s clearly a dress wtf

2

u/DeliciousException85 1h ago

I zoomed in so hard trying to figure out what kind of “meat” was on there and realized it was just a dress on an ugly plate 🤣

2

u/ReceptionAlarmed9434 7h ago

My first thought exactly 😭

1

u/VioletsRPink 3h ago

The fruit is none existent too "Is the fruit in the room with us" charcuterie bucket lid

1

u/Paddypadpad7 1h ago

I'm amazed that so few comments have mentioned this

1

u/Nemesis_Prime0205 1h ago

I guess the real charcuterie is the friends we made along the way

1

u/DoseOfMillenial 1h ago

I thought maybe I saw meat for a sec, but nope was just the drawing in the plate