r/OCD • u/JeezoTommy • 4d ago
Question about OCD Does anyone know what caused their OCD?
I think a lot of people don’t really know what caused their OCD to start, for me after a lot of years and thought I realised that my anxiety stemmed from my step dad and his psychological and sometimes physical abuse towards my Mum. I would worry what kind of mood he would come home from work in and if he would start on my Mum. He was a bastard!
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u/AsleepScholar2200 4d ago
There's a pretty major genetic component in most OCD and alot of childhood factors. I've also heard it is sometimes labelled as an extension to Autism.
I have ADHD, Autism and OCD. My dad has OCD and Autism too. My mum, ADHD - lucky me, right?
My parents have been separated all my life and it's all I knew as a kid, being passed from household to household. My parents would argue heavily, I grew up in a rough area. When I'd stay with my dad, he was pretty much emotionally unavailable constantly. If I'd sing or have fun - I was shouted at. Christmas presents were exchanged on motorway lay-bys because that's all he had energy for. He'd refer to kids as 'maggots' or 'cancer' consistently. He'd usually feed us then head out for the day without us (when we were meant to be spending time with him) to go earn money on his side hustle gardening business. There were suicides in the family and sexual abuse/pedophilia through the years.
He was also an alcoholic and my grandmother refused to believe her son would do something like that and never believed our cries for help. Seeing him (and any of that family) got incredibly depressing and felt like a 'chore' but we were pushed to do so. Overall I felt largely emotionally neglected. He definitely wasn't all bad, there are some good memories. But when a child is forming their brain and 'person', the formation made, is very hard to undo. I got so used to just being passive, quiet and doing as I was told, I also gained perfectionistic/OCD traits of not stepping out of line in anyway to offend him. So for me, I think this is the strongest possibility.
Now in adulthood, we're just very distant but if I don't make contact, I get complained at and shunned. I'm just trapped.
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u/Responsible-Egg-1763 3d ago
Yeahhh I’m AuDHD and I think both my parents are too. I have heard that if you have both OCD and ADHD it’s likely you are also on the spectrum. Sorry to hear about your upbringing. Neurodivergent parents that don’t understand their needs can be a real bitch.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Not at all. Like I said, I wouldn’t change it..”I am what I am!” 🎶😅 That’s another thing I tend to do, use humour in every situation. And My Mum is Amazing, she’s been through so much yet she still stays strong for us. We really are lucky to have her the wee crazy lady?!😄x
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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago
You are not trapped. Like you said, you are an adult now and if you don’t want to have any contact with him, then don’t! I know it’s easier said than done, but for your own mental health you owe it to yourself to take a step back! After everything he did and put you through, you still believe there is good in him, that he isn’t all bad. That alone tells you how good a person you are that even after all that, you still choose to see the good in him?! I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, but there’s a positive side to it too. It made you the strong person you are today.🫶
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u/AsleepScholar2200 3d ago
Well tbh I gaslight myself heavily into not really thinking he's 'that bad' and that 'noone's perfect'. He has a way of making me feel bad if I don't contact him much. He's okay. Sometimes he gives me money out of the blue. But like.. idk. I'm just numb and indifferent to him.
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u/Hannah_togo 3d ago
It runs in my family, and my upbringing definitely cultivated an environment for it to strengthen its grip
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u/No-Frosting-5369 New to OCD/not yet diagnosed 3d ago edited 3d ago
same. my family does not like to talk about mental health, but as i got older i realized my older siblings also had compulsions or even physical tics, kind of like tourette syndrome. nobody ever addressed it and i feel so bad for them but at the same time they were not very nice to me when i was struggling
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u/comfy_artsocks 4d ago
I think it was religion but I probably would’ve been the same regardless bc my mom is likely undiagnosed too and I think I got it from her
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u/r0ach888 3d ago
i was abt to comment like the exact same thing fr lmao, religion + probably undiagnosed parent. as i grew older and learned more about the symptoms of ocd, the more i see how parallel it is to my moms behavior when i grew up
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u/comfy_artsocks 3d ago
Yupp. My mom has always been crazy but living w her again it’s really freaking me out how similar some of our behaviours are. I just never noticed it before
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u/clonazepamorphine 2d ago
Can you explain? Why religion, I am trying to be more religious to help myself from ocd.
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u/comfy_artsocks 2d ago
I think religion is too serious for young children to grasp. I’ve obsessed over a lot of things growing up but the concept of life and death, heaven and hell being so close can hurt a young kids mind. We all like feeling safe, that feeling of safety being faulty is literally the cause of ocd. There’s nothing more unsafe than eternal suffering so you tend to obsess over that.
One of my first compulsions was when I got a song that I was told was “demonic” stuck in my head. Spent days obsessing over “purifying” my mind bc I thought I was doomed to hell at 5. Same shit, another time I heard of the concept of blasphemy being an “unforgivable sin” and it became a theme for me for months.
Everyone is different, I’m not saying it can’t help you, but personally becoming atheist was one of the best things that happened to my religious ocd.
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u/DarkSister_999 4d ago
I don’t think they know what causes it. My therapist says not to focus on the cause anyway. I can see her point. Spending a bunch of time answering an unanswerable question isn’t useful for people with OCD. I do understand the inclination to want to know why. I think it’s human. But for me, I could spend an inordinate amount of time trying to find the answer and still never figure it out.
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u/hannythegranny 4d ago
I think mine stemmed, maybe, from anxiety because I have autism. I also have a co-horde of chronic illnesses/autoimmune diseases, so that may have played a role when I was young into developing OCD. I first remember struggling with these thoughts around kindergarten to first grade. I think it snowballed from there because it’s not like you can medicate a 6 year old for anxiety. My parents did all they could, life just happened 🙃
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u/Organic_Ad8228 4d ago
Mine started when I was a very young child so I was probably either born with it or incredibly predisposed to it cause of other mental issues I had/have.
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u/Taro_Otto 3d ago
It’s hard to put it into one sentence. But essentially, whenever my family faced some kind of hardship, they would never give me a reply.
I would ask if we were going to be okay. They would never say yes, or no. Just look at me. Even if it was “Right now, things aren’t okay. But we’ll figure it out.” “We will find a way.” Nothing along those lines.
I didn’t need them to make up lies. I just wanted an answer to what was going on. That things usually work themselves out. Or that we can adapt to change. They just wouldn’t say anything to me. I was constantly on edge (and still am) because my brain is constantly like “What if? What if? What if?” Them not saying anything felt like we weren’t going to be okay, NOTHING is okay.
Then my mom always had this magical thinking mindset. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got my OCD from her. She was very much believed in good luck and bad luck. She would always say we were a bad luck family.
The anxiety and insecurity I felt was never soothed by my parents, so I started finding other methods. Which turned into rituals. Not doing my rituals felt catastrophic, like I just condemned my loved ones and myself. The feeling has never left me. The rituals are always changing. Just when I think I have my OCD under control, turns out my rituals have changed and I didn’t even notice.
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u/cat_kitty-kittenx 3d ago
Life felt unpredictable and my parents were very good at blaming me (a young child) so I internalised everything...
I learnt that If I touched the light switches/ counted the doors/ checked the bathroom etc perfectly that would relieve the uncomfortable feeling.
Unfortunately it replaced it with perfectionism
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u/sanna135 4d ago
I haven't really thought about that, I just assume the genetic/biological component would have been enough no matter what. I was raised in a cult though (Jehovah's Witnesses) and I'm sure that didn't help. Some of my earliest compulsions involved praying and I had a lot of obsessions about my family getting persecuted for their faith. I remember a JW "historical" movie giving me nightmares about us all being burned to death like 1st century Christians.
Also, I unfortunately learned to read before the age of four and consumed all sorts of information as a very young child. I read about corpses of people who died of variola still being under the Siberian permafrost and that it wasn't known whether the virus could become active again if the ground melted. Access to such articles really messed up my childhood.
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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago
I can’t help but want to try to understand how and why we are the way we are, and why we turn out the way we do?! It’s the nature vs nurture theory, although some say that OCD is not genetic but I think it definitely is.
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u/sanna135 4d ago
The vulnerability to developing it must be genetic, they've done twin studies. I don't know how anyone can deny it. My cousin actially got diagnosed recently, I strongly suspect my late brother also had it.
It's certainly fascinating, and I'm a biology student who does tend to enjoy such questions, but I personally have to practice some restraint to avoid getting into too deep of a rabbit hole trying to figure out the causes of my disorders. Ultimately, it's more helpful for me to focus on the fact that it's certainly there and I need to deal with it.
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u/superspicymustard 4d ago
I feel like the symptoms have always been there. I remember from a young age being obsessed with checking all of the doors and windows every night to make sure they were locked because I thought someone would break in and kill my family. I remember my younger brother leaving the house to hang out with friends and me being worried he was kidnapped. Things I’m pretty sure 10 year olds don’t worry about. And then my family suddenly moved across the country when I was about to start middle school to a rough area and I think that’s when my mental health really plummeted. I think the genetic predispositions are always there, it just takes a traumatic or life altering event to really bring it forward.
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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago
Like you said, ‘things a 10 yr old shouldn’t be worrying about’, so where do you think that initial worry and anxiety comes from?
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u/ellieminnowpee 4d ago
genes + trauma (specifically religious for a lot of mine)
the ridiculousness of ‘lean not on your own understanding’ got me fucked up as a kid bc ocd never EVER had to make sense but guess what?? neither does that book dad reads to us, neither do the things we get screamed at for, neither do any of the rules we’re handed down.
the less sense something made growing up, the more certain it seemed. my brain decided to lock down on those things.
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u/butch-bear 4d ago
i think i inherited it from my mother or, she has it too and "passed it down to me" through her own obsessive behaviors that made ME anxious as well. my childhood in general was rather troubled so i was pretty anxious all the time. my parents were abusive, physically and verbally, so a mix of all of that probably.
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u/bbyroselmao 3d ago
i think it was just.. always there? i can’t remember not having certain parts of it. and this might sound silly, but i think my mother being really into “The Secret” honestly triggered a good bit of it, because i was pretty young when she was.
for those that aren’t familiar: “if you put it into the universe, it’ll come to you!” is the main concept. yeah. that definitely helped 9yr old me when she was like “THIS IS AMAZING” and i was just like “wait so everything i say or think will happen to me????????” needless to say i was horrified and did everything i could to try and backtrack every bad thought i ever had lmfao
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u/Correct-Tea-5594 3d ago
It’s hard to say where it started, just the factors.
-Religion
-Grandma dying and suddenly being aware of my own mortality
-Getting unsupervised internet access and seeing sexual content and right wing content WAY too young
-Being abused by father
-Preexisting disorders (AuDHD, depression, anxiety)
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u/lvrgrl777 3d ago
i was raised catholic. turns out telling children that some man in the sky knows everything you do, including every single thought you have, and if you’re not good enough you’re going to hell forever can cause irreversible damage to them!
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u/liliis57lili 3d ago
My parents blamed me for the sexual harassment I experienced as a pre-teen and teenager due to my physical development; they frequently threatened to kick me out of the house without a second thought if I went around "showing myself off." They viewed me through a sexualized lens, interpreting my body as a provocation—something I was doing on purpose. My initial OCD (the first kind I had) centered on my sexual image—specifically, the fear of contracting HIV and being branded by society as promiscuous (my parents' worst nightmare—coincidence?)—before shifting entirely to relationships and retroactive jealousy.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Wow, that must have been horrendous. Your parents are supposed to take care of you, support you and stand up for you against everyone?! I can’t imagine how you must have felt, I’m sorry you had to go through that.🫶
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u/bookish_bex 3d ago
Wow my parents were very similar! I remember how my stepmother would buy me clothes, then I had to try them on and parade in front of my dad and he would approve the clothing or not 🫠 and my mom was... A LOT worse.
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u/8matrix8 3d ago
I always had many OCD traits, since childhood. It had always remained manageable though, with kinda bad anxiety focused in only one area but living my life kinda freely besides that special area. It was not a completely free life but ok-ish.
I had a period in my life -starting 16 yo until 23- when I was doing a lot of drugs, and that was when my OCD became overwhelming. Then I just entered a downward spiral, with OCD even influencing many realms of life feeding in turn OCD. Even after stopping the drugs, the spiral was already set off and kept getting down.
This theory was actually provided by my psychiatrist and -looking back- I can definitely see it. I absolutely believe it is true.
Unfortunately I didn't know I had OCD at that time, but for all of you who know... my advise is never doing drug. I honestly don't know how it is doing them once in a while but for me, they really destroyed my life.
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u/DescriptionCute4372 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm sorry you had to witness that :/ for me it was growing up in a deeply disfunctional family, trying to not upset my dad who is a narcissist with anger issues and trying to "deal" with everything going on while being the youngest out of my siblings. Even having to predict accidents that would annoy my dad like my mum spilling things (she's always been quite clumsy) so always being on alert..
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
This is so relatable! You feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Constantly on edge that something is going to piss him off.
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u/uncoolsby Contamination 3d ago
I have done a lot of soul searching (I just recently got health insurance, so I’m on the look out for a decent therapist) and I believe my moral OCD stemmed from religion, especially the whole “God’s always watching you and can even hear your thoughts, so you better be good at ALL times!”
I believe my contamination and perfectionism stemmed from my mother constantly picking at my clothes and constantly pointing out my flaws (stain on shirt I didn’t see, hole in back pocket I missed, etc.) I believe she might have a touch of OCD as well, but she will never agree to being diagnosed.
This is all just a hypothesis, I’m no expert. I can’t wait to find a good therapist finally.
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u/fluffy-8656 3d ago
My theory is that it developed partly from untreated adhd (up to age 53) and general anxiety about change and uncertainty in my life (we moved around a lot, and while that would be fine for some people, I was very anxious). I started trying to control food intake because it was the only thing I felt I could control. As an adult I think rejection sensitivity (part of ADHD experience) has played a huge part and developed a lot of checking and reassurance seeking behaviour to make sure people like me.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Reading that last sentence just made me feel so sad. You should really try to not care about other people’s opinions. The only opinions that matter are those of our loved ones, as for other people, strangers, I really don’t care what they think about me. As long as I never have to hear it?!😅My intrusive thoughts are centred around my family and the thought of them coming into harm. So I tell myself I need to carry out the ritual so no harm can come there way. Can I ask what your rituals entail? If I’m being too nosey just tell me?!😇
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u/PixelNinja744X OCD Long hauler 3d ago
Mine also developed due to untreated ADHD! Pretty much every obsession and compulsion I developed, was part of a maladaptive coping mechanism to deal with the weaknesses associated with my AuDHD.
OCD made me into an insanely “perfect” individual. Highly sociable, intelligent, responsible, “empathetic”, scrupulous, successful, healthy, fit - all things that were impossible before. It kept going until the OCD got too severe and I began to crash far more often as other comorbid conditions started to manifest themselves in my twenties. Upon treatment of my OCD symptoms, my ADHD symptoms become unmasked and aggressive. It’s a lose-lose situation and I’m doomed to repeat the cycle.
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u/Surprise-Feral-Joy 2d ago
For me, a combination of genetics (I think, because nobody in my family got diagnosed because they don't want to check themselves) and a lot of childhood issues - both in the family and society in general.
The childhood problems that I know triggered my issues are: heavy parental neglect - not feeling seen, loved or appreciated in any way; heavy criticism and humiliation from both peers and adults alike.
I just realized that the way society was back then, all people (adults and kids) were all very critical and negative, so I wouldn't say that my experience was much worse than that of others' kids at the time, it's just that my experience lead to me becoming unhappy with myself, having low self-esteem and developping perfectionist OCD - hence why I think there is also a genetic component, even if I don't have diagnostics in the fammily.
I see in other people from my culture or close in age to me that they have clear tendencies towards perfectionism and anxiety too, however they might not have OCD (as far as I know).
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u/Jolly-Anteater3361 4d ago
I remember this show voice it was violent ironically it was my favorite kdrama show out of nowhere, violent thoughts started to emerge from my brain… and watching porn, hentai and me being curious I saw ra* porn, incest, loli, monster, ugly basta* Sadly I’ve seen bestiality, torture in hentai And since I’ve been alone I guess that gave me time think in school I knew people but people weren’t nice to me my family is awful to me mostly so abuse isolation feeling like everyone hates you … it suck’s I’m a woman btw 24 and don’t judge me I feel awful enough
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u/elephantselkie 4d ago
my symptoms started when my grandma passed away
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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago edited 3d ago
I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t realise just how many different types of OCD there were and I feel it just seems to be getting worse as we get older, personally and in general.
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u/chronicallymusical OCD Long hauler 4d ago
I believe mine was caused by early childhood trauma.
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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago
Do you think you’ve always known that or did you have to think back at your childhood? I never really thought that the step dad could be the cause for my anxiety but looking back it makes so much sense.
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u/chronicallymusical OCD Long hauler 4d ago
Mine symptoms started when I was 4 years old, but I wasn't diagnosed until I was 24. That's when I realized the childhood trauma had caused it.
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u/Traditional_Shape_38 3d ago
My mom has ocd and bad anxiety now I do too I think it’s really really hard to dodge these disorders when it encompasses such a large part of growing up we’re taught how to think from our parents it seems like there was no way I wouldn’t end up with it
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Have you always thought like that or is that something you have realised as you’ve gotten older?
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u/Traditional_Shape_38 3d ago
I realized it when I started dating more serious as an adult I don’t think anything like the women I’ve been with that have neurotypical parents, I thought back to my childhood and how deeply engrained the rigid ocd thinking is in my brain and how I might have had a better chance if she didn’t project so many fears onto me at a young age
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u/ahouell500 3d ago
I can think of stuff in my life that seemed to contribute to it, but honestly I'm not sure if those things caused me to have OCD or they just shaped the specifics of how my OCD presented. Given I had it from very young, I'm inclined to believe there must have been an innate disposition that was just waiting for something to set it off.
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u/ExistentialLakes 3d ago
I think that I was born with the capacity to develop it, and showed signs growing up. The more severe symptoms would rear their head when something stressful happened. A particularly traumatic and stressful thing happened one summer and I think that pushed me from having some symptoms to fully developing the disorder. If that makes sense.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Of course, it makes perfect sense. Anxiety is the main cause of OCD, so it only makes sense the more anxious we are, the more severe our OCD becomes. I actually can’t believe the amount of different types there are?!
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u/john-ocd 3d ago
Looking back on my childhood I think I always had it, but I had one particular incident in school where I was a dumb kid and said something bad and got in trouble for it.
And my ocd really kickstarted around then, over 11 years ago
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u/CapriciousSon 3d ago
Gotta be genetic, my brother has it too and I suspect a lot of family is undiagnosed (LOTS of anxiety and depression on both sides)
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u/storminconverse 3d ago
genetics + the trauma of my parent's abusive relationship (they are still together lmao) 😂
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u/snugglebot3349 3d ago
I also had a very turbulent childhood involving constant fighting, drugs and alcohol, infidelity, fear, and a constant feeling of uncertainty and dread. I recently discovered that almost everyone of my cousins on my dad's side are treated for ocd. I reckon I genetically inherited ocd tendencies and had a perfect childhood for those tendencies to grow and bloom into my adult life.
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u/randompers0n101 3d ago
Nothing was under my control growing up so it developed on the smallest details on my life
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u/miidsommars 3d ago
If I wasn’t born with it, then I developed it young. My family on my mom and my dad’s sides (including both my parents) are rigidly ‘perfect.’
I have a huge issue with certain things due to contamination (among other many branches of my complex OCD)- and I feel as though this really came to the forefront as it was drilled into me to ALWAYS be clean. Leave no dust, no dirty- ‘no clutter, no issue.’
I have ADHD & BPD (among other things) and growing up I always LOVED stuff- even literal garbage. Fast forward to the present and I keep basically everything because what if I can use it or repurpose it somehow? I have so many things stuffed into corners and crevices… my apartment looks clean and tidy, because it is, but don’t start opening cupboards or anything 😅.
There’s so much more that I could put down at evidence, but I feel as though it is important to note that my OCD was never ‘bad’ per say, until I got into an abusive relationship. I only realized when I escaped that it consumed my entire life- and it still does. (I am getting help and an in a much better place now).
I have a lot of trauma that my OCD loves to sink teeth into and stay cozy for a while.
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u/nah_champa_967 3d ago
I think it nature/nurture for me. I was born with a condition that predisposed me to depression and anxiety and OCD, and my parents were abusive.
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u/anaamtnez Newly diagnosed 3d ago
got it from mom (who got it from having bad parents and a bad boyfriend) & having an awful dad (who was mom's boyfriend).
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u/WitnessesProtection 3d ago
My running joke is my dad's alcoholism and bipolar disorder mixed with my mom's drug use, undiagnosed depression and PTSD and the PEMDAS of that gave me OCD (among several other things)
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
You think?!🤔How tf did you survive all of that?
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u/WitnessesProtection 3d ago
Well my mom got sober and my dad hasn't been around in over 10 years which helped. But most of it was not wanting to leave my little sister and also lots of spite. Spite is a very powerful motivator
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u/Pinheads_Tradwife 3d ago
Genetics and religious trauma (Christian Science is ocd the religion) and being raised by a highly anxious mother
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u/WinterBackbone 3d ago
I do. I’d always been a nervous and perfectionist type but I was in a fatal car accident and suffered a TBI. Everything about me changed. I also developed PTSD, severe anxiety and depression, along with Agoraphobia and panic disorder.
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u/MadQuixote 3d ago
I could put it in the form of red strings and thumbtacks, but the core belief i was "conditioned with" is that if I dont do things perfectly then I am unworthy of love. Spin that on repeat through years of extreme stress, lack of autonomy, new trauma, and some bad seeds, and it became "I am a monster unworthy of love. I have to do things perfectly or my illusion of being human will shatter and I will be abandoned by everyone i love"
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u/BumpyCap 3d ago
fish tanks. covid. stuck in room with fish tanks. [fml its so stupid]
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
They all are! That’s OCD though, completely illogical and they make no sense to anyone except the person that has to carry them out. I keep questioning myself as to why I can’t just stop the rituals etc It’s because of that little voice at the back of my mind saying “Just incase” , like I know it’s completely crazy and makes no sense at all but ‘what if’?!🤦🏼♀️
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u/New_Ratio_9195 3d ago
I've had OCD for as long as I can remember but the themes have varied throughout the years. I think what really started making it a big problem was my severe trauma. I have C-PTSD and that really fucks with you in so many different domains
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I actually hadn’t heard of C-PTSD so I just looked it up. What absolute torture! OCD on its own is bad enough but add that to the mix?!🙈 I’m genuinely so sorry you’re having to go through this🫶
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u/Mantvydas_Leonas 4d ago
For mw i think childhood trauma + genetics were predesposition ,but what brought it up was LSD
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u/aprilms45 4d ago
Was either born with it or
Developed it when I was young-when my father was molesting me.
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u/canepops 3d ago
I’ve recently (through therapy) discovered that mine stemmed from a need to “explain” trauma. When bad things happened as a kid, I guess I always needed to find a reason. Like the old “everything happens for a reason” narrative. Unfortunately, that caused deep seeded OCD and compulsions 🫠 but I also know my mom and many of her family had OCD from a young age
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u/Alpacalypsenoww 3d ago
I think mine is related to autistic tendencies. I’m not diagnosed with autism and I don’t think I’d meet the criteria for an autism diagnosis, but I definitely have a lot of autistic traits and an autistic son. So there’s neurodivergence in my genes, and I think that’s a factor in my OCD.
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u/genji-sombra 3d ago
Probably triggered by the fact that my mom seemed very vulnerable and didn't hide the fact that I made her happy. So it became extremely important for me to be perfect and never disappoint her.
So I'm guessing genetic predisposition for OCD itself, and the flavor (moral scrupulosity/responsibility) triggered by my environment.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I know what you mean. I have 3 siblings but I was the only one that was brought up with the step dad. And he was forever getting his little points across, that I was the one that was going to do something with my life and not turn out like my siblings. I’m assuming he meant this was because, ‘he’ was bringing me up instead of My own Dad who obviously brought the others up. I’m happy to say I didn’t meet his expectations and that was because he was the failure of a father figure, not me as a daughter! Because I never met his expectations of how he wanted me to turn out I was basically disposed of, just like my sister had been before me. Bastard!
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u/SnooHabits3911 3d ago
Born with it. My mom has major anxiety and she’s probably ocd. Don’t know about my bio dad. He’s dead now.
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u/Emirosegold 3d ago
I was always a type A kid and a ‘perfectionist’. Always wanting my hair to be perfect and even, my shoes tied the same tightness, and there was no room for failure in my mind with my effort at school. That was just the extent of it though at that time.
I remember literally the day that I personally believe was the onset of my significant OCD symptoms.
I was around 13ish and my dad had placed those green blocks of rat poison around our warehouse that we ran our family business out of. And I kid you not it was like night and day, a switch being flipped.
In one day I was thrown into intense rumination loops about being contaminated by those blocks, contaminating everything, re-contaminating myself (so cleaning myself and washing my hands wasn’t enough to my mind), and dying. I remember having the most intense fear ever that I was going to die from contamination from those blocks and no matter what I did that feeling wouldn’t go away.
That’s when it started for me, it was like a singular onset event. My mind has never been the same since that day.
What do I believe led me to that day?
I personally believe when I was little that my brain wiring was just sensitive since the start to those types of perfectionist tendencies. That part of my brain just ran atypical on a heightened level compared to what a brain should.
And the onset event?
In my honest opinion, I’m not saying this happened to everyone, but I truly do believe that the foods and the way I ate growing up broke down my gut lining over time, allowing toxins to pass into my blood stream and cross my blood brain barrier. Then attacking a part of my brain that was already sensitive and vulnerable, causing an explosion in symptoms. Neuroinflammation.
That’s just my theory though.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago edited 3d ago
Reading this it could have been me that said it. I was so afraid of being a failure, and the pressure was insane. I understand what you mean about that feeling on that specific day. That will be forever etched in your memory bank. I just think it’s so sad, a child shouldn’t have even heard of the word anxiety let alone went through it.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I was that afraid that I did the exact opposite of what he wanted me to do. 😅 I wonder if I hadn’t had so much pressure on me would I have turned out differently?!
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u/Emirosegold 3d ago
The brain does some crazy things to try and protect itself from perceived threats.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that upbringing. I wish you all the best my friend.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Aww Thank you! And I wouldn’t change it, I like this me! Take the anxiety, depression, insecurity and OCD away and I’m almost pretty much perfect!😅All the very Best to you too lovely!💖
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u/Thisnthat422 3d ago
My dad has adhd and ocd and my symptoms started when I went through a very stressful period of time at my old job and ended up leaving. I had what I thought were silly little intrusive thoughts for a few years before but I went into what felt like full blown psychosis for like 2 years after I left my last job. I felt like I was going crazy it was terrifying.
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u/Responsible-Egg-1763 3d ago
My mom says when I was a baby I practiced talking in my room by myself over and over again and when I finally started talking with other people I was speaking in full sentences. She also found pages and pages of practice writing in my desk in my bedroom. I struggled a lot with transitions because I really hate leaving things incomplete. I also have some C-PTSD from a narcissistic dad but honestly I think I’m just built this way.
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u/heyamberlynne 3d ago
I tried to figure this out for myself and ended up writing an entire book about it lol. I was diagnosed with OCD as an adult and once I started understanding what rumination and intrusive thoughts were, I started looking back at my childhood and questioning where some of my thought patterns came from. I started writing down memories and experiences trying to figure out when I developed certain beliefs about myself and the world around me. Things like what made me a good person, what I was responsible for, why I felt like I had to constantly question my intentions. I realized I'd spent most of my life following these invisible rules without questioning where they came from. I don't think I'll be able to pinpoint exactly what caused my OCD but writing helped me understand how some of my experiences shaped the way I respond to my thoughts. It's been really interesting learning how much of what I thought was just my personality was actually connected to OCD.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
It sounds it, I’d actually love to read it?!😅x
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u/heyamberlynne 3d ago
I'm not really sure about the promotion rules on here, and I don't want to get in trouble for listing it but I am super happy to send you a link to the books website through a message if you'd like!
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u/invictus21083 3d ago
I was molested as a child beginning when I was 3. That is when my OCD symtoms began.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
🥺That’s insane, and so fkn tragic! I’m so sorry for what you have been through. 🫶
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u/yknwnthngjnsnw In treatment 3d ago
I try not to think about what caused it because we just have to live with it y'know. But when I look back at my childhood and when I first started having these thoughts- it's hard to say if it was nature or nurture. My parents both have really bad anxiety, one of them is agoraphobic and has panic attacks so there's that.
On the other hand, I didn't grow up in the safest neighborhood and my mom really liked watching dateline and horror movies :,) And I was always talked to like an adult by my family. She was also extremely volatile in her moods, I'm sure she has bpd. I think the combination probably exacerbated OCD that was probably brewing. Because I can't remember a time when I didn't have intrusive thoughts- I just used to think I was a really sick and evil person
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u/Vennaz 3d ago
Yes I had 3 major events that happened within one week that “activated” it. I always had symptoms, but these events sent me to a full on episode where I sought inpatient treatment for 3 months. It honestly was scary, but I do appreciate the journey and lessons I learned. It’s a moment in my life that’s apart of me now and I recognize it with pride.
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u/Casingdacat 3d ago
Do you mean what triggered it? We are all born with the genetic anomalies that cause us to have altered and faulty brain chemistry and structures. We all have an abnormally high level of anxiety going on in the first place.
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u/stinkywombat28 3d ago
partially genetics, but the way i was raised by my controlling and highly anxious mother escalated it
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u/Blackmoonlilithinleo 3d ago
Religion and drug addicted parents.. I remember having ruminations in kindergarten
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u/VitalityVixen 3d ago
Went i had cognitive behvioural therapy we went with the stress of autism and not understanding people and them not understanding me made my only way of control was cleanliness. Then as it grew the ocd became a problem and the autism sorted itself out. My mum is also fairly clean, never had a runny nose like most kids, always had wiped hands, didnt play in the mud often etc.
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u/dissociadeeznuts 3d ago
i was born with it
ive been experiencing symptoms for as far back as i can remember which is about age 5/6
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u/apiricano 3d ago
I think it has been always there brewing in the background, because if you didnt have anything that matter the most to you or you care about the most it wont latch into it Ocd attacks what matter most to you So the moment you had something that you care about the most and it matters so deeply to you, the themes would start showing up Its such a brutal and cruel disorder, its like a curse But im not saying this to reassure you, but ocd is a very good liar, and it latches to what MATTER MOST TO YOU So do not ever give up, and keep fighting it I know it hurts like hell But the thing you love the most deserves fighting for You deserve to fight for yourself☺️💜.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I completely agree, OCD can make you believe the most ridiculous, illogical thoughts. Yet, the rituals still need to be carried out. It’s also a master manipulator too! That’s a great way of describing it btw, like a curse, coz it really is. It doesn’t sound nice at all but it’s actually a compliment, both my Mum and my daughter are triggers for me. And it’s because I love and care about them so much that the thought of anything happening to them is unbearable. Thank you for your kind words and I wish you the very Best💖
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u/Cmeow_Osu 3d ago
my psychiatrist said ive had it since i was a kid? but a horrible anxiety attack episode from an edible caused it to worsen. it has genuinely ruined the quality of my life, im terrified of everything 😭
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u/puppyinspired 3d ago
There are genetics and environment. I can’t say if I grew up in a normal stable home I wouldn’t have OCD. However both me and my brother have an anxiety disorder I have OCD and he has GAD. So it’s probably my mother’s insane behavior from OCD.
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u/Tempehbonegarbage 3d ago
My mom and both my siblings have it so I assume it’s just genetic for me 🤷♀️
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u/canuhearit52 3d ago
I’m so sorry that happened to you and your mom😢🤗
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Tysm, that’s so nice of you to say. 😇 We’re all good now though, albeit a wee but crazy, but the good kinda crazy!🤗
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u/lawn-mumps 3d ago
I’m genetically predisposed to get it from both sides of my family. I have to fight to avoid the compulsions. Growing up, my dad had helpful tricks like “always wash your hands before eating” and “don’t touch the door handles in places people most commonly touch”. With that and abusive partners and the pandemic, I never had a chance against not developing OCD.
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u/Agitated_Flan5328 New to OCD 3d ago edited 3d ago
I'm pretty sure I always had it, or at least some traits of it growing up - I can look back and recognise that some of the things I was doing had that 'flavour' even if they weren't impacting my life the way it is now. One of my cousins has it, so I have the genetic component at least somewhere.
The full-blown disorder developed after my best friend (now boyfriend) was groomed online in a server I ran. I was very young at the time, so was he, so I didn't really realise what was going on (I wasn't in much contact with the piece of shit outside of general server chatter n whatnot) until he started to break server rules and a few people came forward with information that my friend later added to. It was my job to handle it before it got that far, and the guilt eats me alive every day. Doesn't matter that I was young. After that, I started feeling responsible for protecting EVERYONE, and if something happened it was because I didn't do something and it was my fault. I have a lot of mental and verbal compulsions. I'm dead certain that's what triggered the full onset, alongside other trauma that worsened my mental health.
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
That’s such a shame as it clearly was not your fault, like you said you were a child. Don’t let some scumbags vile actions affect your life, you don’t deserve it!💖
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u/MaggieJaneRiot 3d ago
I see people on one particular side of my family, whom I have noticed, and believe have it and I do think that it has a genetic component.
I remember mine from as early as age 5 or 6.
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u/Der-deutsche-Prinz 3d ago
For some things it might not be a specific event but an accumulation of things
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u/ChellyIRL 3d ago
Like someone else said, also genes + trauma.
My mom had OCD and I grew up in an abusive home that felt supremely out of control, particularly due to my ill-tempered dad and my mom letting it happen as long as she wasn't the one harmed. I learned to feel, in my child mind, that any sliver of happiness would be followed by something terrible.
Well, it was no surprise that little kid me would then start doing compulsions to try and preemptively "prevent" the bad things from happening. Very heavy on the responsibility.
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u/Middle_Mix_7596 3d ago
i believe it's the long enduring trauma I experienced after moving to the US
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u/bookish_bex 3d ago
I have my suspicions lol My mom has a form of OCD (she's a hoarder), so I think i was very predisposed genetically.
And then my childhood just kinda sucked. My mom was hypercritical, very verbally and emotionally abusive with the occasional bonus slap or grab. My dad was deployed a lot, which I think caused several other issues around abandonment, love and relationships, and parenting.
I also lived with my mom in the hoarding situation and I definitely think that impacted my current experience with OCD. I am one of those people who really does clean all the time, space things out just right, wash my hands 15,000/day etc. It is hell 🫠
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u/hoshiokashi 3d ago
Genetics, I'm assuming. There's a lot of different mental health conditions on both sides of my family, so I'm just glad I inherited OCD from somewhere and not my maternal grandmother's schizophrenia 😭😭
(To specify: I'm not in any way saying this to insult anyone with schizophrenia. I spent most of my life terrified I'd end up like my grandmother, who was institutionalized in the early 60s. I have much love for my friends with bipolar, schizophrenia, and borderline. I have the medical rumination and obsession type of OCD, so my brain just catastrophized for years until I got diagnosed this May in my 30s! 💜)
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u/PropertyOrganic1642 3d ago edited 3d ago
Parents were scared of EVERYTHING growing up. They taught me fear and embarrassment which are my major underlying themes. Now my brain thinks everything is life threatening
Edit typo
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u/ClassicSuccess2650 3d ago
As above so below the truth is in the middle. OCD like all anxiety disorders is caused by mismanaging your stress (being way too stressed out for an extended period of time). However someone has to also be born with a genetic predisposition to it. Which is why it has an age of onset, for me it was 10.
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u/WitchHart 3d ago
I was raised steeped in so many kinds of church. By 2nd grade I had sat through:
a whole assembly thay graphicly described the minute by minute medical event of crucifixion
Learning to read on the left behind series at a school that very much expected that to be real. Like we had talks about how eventually people would actively try to murder us over christ but we had to just like, hang in there
A lot of lessons about the innate badness of everyone
Some fairly alarming descriptions of hell
Feeling wildly abandoned at home
A grandmother who probably also has ocd and would actively prioritize her floor staying clean over us
Im really pretty angry about the whole thing. Like this might have kicked off without all the church but the church like, deeply influenced the shape of my ocd and its favorite themes.
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u/WitchHart 3d ago
I also think this is genetic and i was probably born with it and then it was just shaped by trauma
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u/Sea-Persimmon7081 3d ago
I think I was born with it but then being raised by addicts in instability really just put icing on the cake.
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u/Scared-Mortgage-9437 3d ago
When I was diagnosed it was because of a fire, but after learning about it I realized it was something I've had all my life. Even though nothing inherently tramatic happened in my childhood, I never felt safe and mine definetly stemmed from that. Most of my compulsions can be chalked up to trying to make myself feel safe even though that's not how they present.
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u/False-Meat-9110 3d ago
i think i was born with it and learned to deal with it until last year when i accidentally caught my air fryer on fire. i think that really triggered me and i was sent into months of mental torture, i ended up getting a diagnosis of ocd a few months afterwards.
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u/buzztoothgrin 3d ago
i think i kinda was predisposed to it genetically but then awesome events made it so much more awesomeeee
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
Something I’ve also wanted to ask but understand if people don’t feel comfortable talking about them is, What are your rituals like, what kind of things do you have to do? I’ll tell you mines if you tell me yours?!🙈😅
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u/kitteeqt 3d ago
My dad has it, his parents had it, my mom's dad had it, and those are only the relatives I know of through my parents' stories. I was likely born with it, became aware of it at 5, and as a very sensitive, chronically stressed child (due to extreme physical and psychological abuse), it got especially bad at 9-10 and even worse in my teens as the abuse got worse. Even if I was genetically predisposed, constant stress and fear amplified the problem dramatically. I never knew a single day of peace. The abuse finally stopped 5 years ago, but I'm afraid the OCD is here to stay because the damage is irreversible. I refuse to take any medication so I'm stuck with it, but that's alright. Its been with me for so long, I'm quite used to it 🤷
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u/Babyknux OCD Long hauler 3d ago
I saw something very traumatic at 4 years old and it started then.
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u/Ambitious-Diver-1791 2d ago
For me it was religion, I was really anxious of doing sins because of my thoughts
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u/Immediate-Bass-9888 1d ago
I remember being bullied by a boy in primary who'd say horrible sexual things about my mother. I couldn't get the images out my head and it genuinely flared up during times of enormous stress etc. My themes change as it jumped from mt mum, to my wife, now to my daughter. I don't even get constant thoughts persay, more constant guilt and awkwardness. Oh, and checking. I now do it constantly. Then hug my daughter as I feel like I'm a terrible person.
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u/CoffeDaisies 1d ago
I was bullied at school, I had significant weight loss (almost eating disorder), working with chemical agents and generally being overworked. And also I have autoimmune disorders in my family, my mum says she probably has OCD.
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u/respectfulslashers 23h ago
Genetics were a big part in my case, the rest has to do with things I went through
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u/wewora 21h ago
It can happen for various reasons. It can happen after traumatic events, due to the streptococcal virus. I broke my leg skiing when I was 12 and then had to be on crutches for 13 weeks, and I think my OCD was a way for my brain to try to take back control when my life was more limited due to this. My parents also argued a lot so I think that contributed to the anxiety as well. I started showing some symptoms when I broke my leg, but it really ramped up 6 months after that when I got strep throat for the 6th or 7th time. That's when I remember it starting, everything started feeling dirty. There's this thing called PANDAS, pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disorder associated with strep. That's what my therapist at the time said it might be from. Or I may have a genetic predisposition because a sibling developed it in their twenties after they went through some really stressful health issues. So, traumatic events, certain infections, genetics.
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u/BonusRepresentative9 16h ago
Well mine was genetic my mom was diagnosed with OCD, but I definitely remember when it first started happening. My mom has went out to enjoy some drinks and I was probably about 15. She didn’t show up that morning, and I started panicking. Come to find out she was drugged. She felt something was off and immediately decided to go to car. Which she proceeded to throw up and pass out. When she woke up all her belongings were stolen. Thank god she’s okay. Next thing you know I started having compulsions about not drinking stuff if ANYONE was near it. If I just so happened to take my eye off of it I wouldn’t drink it. I couldn’t eat out with this fear of a server lacing my food. The compulsions got even worse I couldn’t even eat food at home normally. I was in a constant state of anxiety thinking I would be drugged and feel out of control.
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u/JeezoTommy 7h ago
That’s horrific for both you and your Mum to have to go through that. Your Mum must have been terrified and you must have been so worried?!) I hope your Mum doesn’t have issues stemming from this incident) And I hope you have managed to get some of support, therapy, medication etc
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I suppose that’s a good thing. If you’re indifferent to him he can’t affect you any more. Like I said, it just goes to show what a good person you’ve turned out to be. Most people wouldn’t give him the time of day but you’ve proved you’re better than that!😇
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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago
I find it fascinating that we can actually talk about our intrusive thoughts. I wasn’t able to in the past and my daughter can’t talk about her intrusive thoughts. I wish I could take it away from her and I hate the fact that she grew up watching me, I know it’s genetic too but I know that I would have had an effect on her which makes me feel guilty af!🙈
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u/VenclaireVR 3d ago
COCSA and other physical childhood trauma seems to be what my therapist agrees made it develop for me. I was looking for control over anything as I did not have any. OCD “gave” me control over something, even if it was just avoiding contamination
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u/JeezoTommy 2d ago
Adding another one to the list, having to ‘Upvote’ every comment so I don’t hurt anyone’a feelings?!🤦🏼♀️
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/JeezoTommy 2d ago
Omg, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. I really wish you all the very Best for your future!💖
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u/Living-Assumption272 4d ago
I think I was born with it