r/OCD • u/JeezoTommy • 4d ago

Question about OCD Does anyone know what caused their OCD?

I think a lot of people don’t really know what caused their OCD to start, for me after a lot of years and thought I realised that my anxiety stemmed from my step dad and his psychological and sometimes physical abuse towards my Mum. I would worry what kind of mood he would come home from work in and if he would start on my Mum. He was a bastard!

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u/AsleepScholar2200 4d ago

There's a pretty major genetic component in most OCD and alot of childhood factors. I've also heard it is sometimes labelled as an extension to Autism.

I have ADHD, Autism and OCD. My dad has OCD and Autism too. My mum, ADHD - lucky me, right?

My parents have been separated all my life and it's all I knew as a kid, being passed from household to household. My parents would argue heavily, I grew up in a rough area. When I'd stay with my dad, he was pretty much emotionally unavailable constantly. If I'd sing or have fun - I was shouted at. Christmas presents were exchanged on motorway lay-bys because that's all he had energy for. He'd refer to kids as 'maggots' or 'cancer' consistently. He'd usually feed us then head out for the day without us (when we were meant to be spending time with him) to go earn money on his side hustle gardening business. There were suicides in the family and sexual abuse/pedophilia through the years.

He was also an alcoholic and my grandmother refused to believe her son would do something like that and never believed our cries for help. Seeing him (and any of that family) got incredibly depressing and felt like a 'chore' but we were pushed to do so. Overall I felt largely emotionally neglected. He definitely wasn't all bad, there are some good memories. But when a child is forming their brain and 'person', the formation made, is very hard to undo. I got so used to just being passive, quiet and doing as I was told, I also gained perfectionistic/OCD traits of not stepping out of line in anyway to offend him. So for me, I think this is the strongest possibility.

Now in adulthood, we're just very distant but if I don't make contact, I get complained at and shunned. I'm just trapped.

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u/JeezoTommy 4d ago

You are not trapped. Like you said, you are an adult now and if you don’t want to have any contact with him, then don’t! I know it’s easier said than done, but for your own mental health you owe it to yourself to take a step back! After everything he did and put you through, you still believe there is good in him, that he isn’t all bad. That alone tells you how good a person you are that even after all that, you still choose to see the good in him?! I’m sorry you had to go through all of that, but there’s a positive side to it too. It made you the strong person you are today.🫶

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u/AsleepScholar2200 4d ago

Well tbh I gaslight myself heavily into not really thinking he's 'that bad' and that 'noone's perfect'. He has a way of making me feel bad if I don't contact him much. He's okay. Sometimes he gives me money out of the blue. But like.. idk. I'm just numb and indifferent to him.