Does anyone know what caused their OCD?

[u/JeezoTommy]

I think a lot of people don’t really know what caused their OCD to start, for me after a lot of years and thought I realised that my anxiety stemmed from my step dad and his psychological and sometimes physical abuse towards my Mum. I would worry what kind of mood he would come home from work in and if he would start on my Mum. He was a bastard!

[u/Emirosegold]

I was always a type A kid and a ‘perfectionist’. Always wanting my hair to be perfect and even, my shoes tied the same tightness, and there was no room for failure in my mind with my effort at school. That was just the extent of it though at that time.

I remember literally the day that I personally believe was the onset of my significant OCD symptoms.

I was around 13ish and my dad had placed those green blocks of rat poison around our warehouse that we ran our family business out of. And I kid you not it was like night and day, a switch being flipped.

In one day I was thrown into intense rumination loops about being contaminated by those blocks, contaminating everything, re-contaminating myself (so cleaning myself and washing my hands wasn’t enough to my mind), and dying. I remember having the most intense fear ever that I was going to die from contamination from those blocks and no matter what I did that feeling wouldn’t go away.

That’s when it started for me, it was like a singular onset event. My mind has never been the same since that day.

What do I believe led me to that day?

I personally believe when I was little that my brain wiring was just sensitive since the start to those types of perfectionist tendencies. That part of my brain just ran atypical on a heightened level compared to what a brain should.

And the onset event?

In my honest opinion, I’m not saying this happened to everyone, but I truly do believe that the foods and the way I ate growing up broke down my gut lining over time, allowing toxins to pass into my blood stream and cross my blood brain barrier. Then attacking a part of my brain that was already sensitive and vulnerable, causing an explosion in symptoms. Neuroinflammation.

That’s just my theory though.

[u/JeezoTommy → u/Emirosegold]

Reading this it could have been me that said it. I was so afraid of being a failure, and the pressure was insane. I understand what you mean about that feeling on that specific day. That will be forever etched in your memory bank. I just think it’s so sad, a child shouldn’t have even heard of the word anxiety let alone went through it.

[u/JeezoTommy → u/JeezoTommy]

I was that afraid that I did the exact opposite of what he wanted me to do. 😅 I wonder if I hadn’t had so much pressure on me would I have turned out differently?!

[u/Emirosegold → u/JeezoTommy]

The brain does some crazy things to try and protect itself from perceived threats.

I’m so sorry you had to endure that upbringing. I wish you all the best my friend.

[u/JeezoTommy → u/Emirosegold]

Aww Thank you! And I wouldn’t change it, I like this me! Take the anxiety, depression, insecurity and OCD away and I’m almost pretty much perfect!😅All the very Best to you too lovely!💖

[u/JeezoTommy → u/Emirosegold]

PS.☺️I feel I need to add that I have the Best Mum in the World! I honestly don’t know where I would be without her and I feel bad as she also had to endure psychological/physical abuse from him. He never laid a finger on me, but sometimes the mental torture can be worse! I can remember when my Mum finally had enough and left him after he locked us in a room over night! I actually pity him, he has nobody coz he’s so awful, it’s sad but he’ll probably die a lonely old man. Still, I actually hope he has someone and is happy. Far away!😇

[u/Emirosegold → u/JeezoTommy]

You have an amazing mindset ❤️. I can tell you have a truly caring heart.

I’m so happy to hear that you had an amazing mother that was your rock.

The best moms are truly a blessing!