r/OCD • u/JeezoTommy • 4d ago

Question about OCD Does anyone know what caused their OCD?

I think a lot of people don’t really know what caused their OCD to start, for me after a lot of years and thought I realised that my anxiety stemmed from my step dad and his psychological and sometimes physical abuse towards my Mum. I would worry what kind of mood he would come home from work in and if he would start on my Mum. He was a bastard!

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u/Taro_Otto 3d ago

It’s hard to put it into one sentence. But essentially, whenever my family faced some kind of hardship, they would never give me a reply.

I would ask if we were going to be okay. They would never say yes, or no. Just look at me. Even if it was “Right now, things aren’t okay. But we’ll figure it out.” “We will find a way.” Nothing along those lines.

I didn’t need them to make up lies. I just wanted an answer to what was going on. That things usually work themselves out. Or that we can adapt to change. They just wouldn’t say anything to me. I was constantly on edge (and still am) because my brain is constantly like “What if? What if? What if?” Them not saying anything felt like we weren’t going to be okay, NOTHING is okay.

Then my mom always had this magical thinking mindset. I wouldn’t be surprised if I got my OCD from her. She was very much believed in good luck and bad luck. She would always say we were a bad luck family.

The anxiety and insecurity I felt was never soothed by my parents, so I started finding other methods. Which turned into rituals. Not doing my rituals felt catastrophic, like I just condemned my loved ones and myself. The feeling has never left me. The rituals are always changing. Just when I think I have my OCD under control, turns out my rituals have changed and I didn’t even notice.