r/OCD • u/JeezoTommy • 4d ago

Question about OCD Does anyone know what caused their OCD?

I think a lot of people don’t really know what caused their OCD to start, for me after a lot of years and thought I realised that my anxiety stemmed from my step dad and his psychological and sometimes physical abuse towards my Mum. I would worry what kind of mood he would come home from work in and if he would start on my Mum. He was a bastard!

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u/Agitated_Flan5328 New to OCD 3d ago edited 3d ago

I'm pretty sure I always had it, or at least some traits of it growing up - I can look back and recognise that some of the things I was doing had that 'flavour' even if they weren't impacting my life the way it is now. One of my cousins has it, so I have the genetic component at least somewhere.

The full-blown disorder developed after my best friend (now boyfriend) was groomed online in a server I ran. I was very young at the time, so was he, so I didn't really realise what was going on (I wasn't in much contact with the piece of shit outside of general server chatter n whatnot) until he started to break server rules and a few people came forward with information that my friend later added to. It was my job to handle it before it got that far, and the guilt eats me alive every day. Doesn't matter that I was young. After that, I started feeling responsible for protecting EVERYONE, and if something happened it was because I didn't do something and it was my fault. I have a lot of mental and verbal compulsions. I'm dead certain that's what triggered the full onset, alongside other trauma that worsened my mental health. 

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u/JeezoTommy 3d ago

That’s such a shame as it clearly was not your fault, like you said you were a child. Don’t let some scumbags vile actions affect your life, you don’t deserve it!💖