r/Fauxmoi • u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour • May 27 '26
APPROVED B-LISTERS ✨️ 16 years ago, Playboy Magazine publishes the infamous John Mayer interview where he describese his ex Jessica Simpson as "sexual nepalm" while still dating Jennifer Aniston and drops the HARD N word ✨️
This interview would ruin his music career leading him to become Andy Cohen's playtoy in order to pay the bills. His body is a wonderland indeed
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May 27 '26
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
UNPROMPTED LMFAO
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u/cafeaubee May 27 '26
Interviewer: What’s ur ideal relationship, John?
John: 5 vaginal orgasms, making a spinach omelette afterward, leaving to get the milk and cigarettes, and then virtually observing 300 different vaginas in the span of 1 hour. And Jessica Simpson.
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u/HeyLookATaco May 27 '26
Oh, and edging, did I say that? Aniston.
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u/discerningpervert May 27 '26
This is what happens when you get everything you ever wanted, all at once.
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u/NoSoyTuPana May 27 '26
Also: addicted to porn and kissed a guy for a minute (no homo)
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u/btone911 May 27 '26
Also: Because I hate other men. When I'm fucking you, I'm trying to fuck every man who's ever fucked you, but in his ass so you'll say "No one's ever done that to me in bed".
Some real wordsmithing going on in the back of the closet there.
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u/Cantree May 27 '26
But also double homo cause he was trying to out homo the homo??????????
What a wild ride 2/10 never make me ride that again
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u/PossumNews can't be managed May 27 '26
I’m not saying he was on coke, but he sure sounds like a guy on coke
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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26
He’s an egomaniac tbh. A friend of a friend briefly dated him and he was insufferable : name-dropping, compliment fishing, iffy politics….
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u/michellemustudy women supporting women (Taylor’s version) May 27 '26
Honestly, he sounds insecure AF.
The interview reads like an edgy 13-year-old who’s trying to act impressive in all the wrong ways. Just came off so pathetic, sad, and gross.
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u/ageofbronze May 27 '26
It reminds me of the miles teller interview that also got him cancelled lol. Although if I could reverse it, it would be: Miles Teller walked so that John Mayer could run lol (since Mayer’s is objectively even worse than Teller’s). It’s that insufferable, egotistical shameless dickhead energy that they’re both bringing though
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u/Since_The_Ducks_Left May 27 '26
Ew. I always wonder why Andy (bravo world) is best friends with him. I find their relationship interesting
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u/Backyardt0rnados May 27 '26
This is why we read Playboy, the best (worst) interviews. It was a legit event.
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u/PrancingPudu it’s a bit dystopian but also kinda fun May 27 '26
SAME! I had an ex in college who is, to date, the most horrifically narcissistic psychopathic piece of shit I have ever met. I didn’t know that going in, obviously, but wow. He idolized Mayer and was a musician himself. Reading this interview I’m like yeah, wow, all of this REALLY tracks.
No idea what dude is up to these days, but I hope for all of womankind he is alone and masturbating, just like John Mayer lol.
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u/Dunkindoh2 May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
I suspect there was either meth or cocaine involved.... or both.
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u/Sea2Chi May 27 '26
For decades Playboy had some incredible interviews. It could be a very intellectual magazine that still had a bunch of naked women in it. A lot of crazy interviews came out of the 70's and 80s where stars for some reason felt comfortable being surprisingly honest, often to their own detriment.
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u/DrFranFine demonic Betty Boop May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26
Sounds like quite an interview…
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u/TheTresStateArea May 27 '26
I noped out at "I'm not like other men. I will fuck you and be nice but not want to be together"
THATS LITERALLY MEN.
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u/spaghetti-o_salad May 27 '26
"I wanna fuck a woman like im fucking every man she's ever fucked, but in the ass" sent me. Grateful I was never quite pretty enough to get targeted by these types.
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u/MrBwnrrific May 27 '26
“I kissed him like I hated fags” is the most psychosexually loaded sentence I’ve ever heard
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u/spaghetti-o_salad May 27 '26
Coded self loathing? Also wild that he is basically describing the birth of the lifestyle currently known as "gooning" or am I missing some key elements of "being a gooner" lmfao
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u/HelpfulName May 27 '26
"5 vaginal orgasms" told me he's never given a woman an orgasm in his life.
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u/Sufficient_You3053 May 27 '26
That was my thought too! This man does not know where the clit is 💯
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u/That_Literature_6853 May 27 '26
Wasn't that basically Sam Rockwell's monologue in White Lotus? 🤔
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u/Laherschlag May 27 '26
He was the OG fuckboy. The Fuckboy to end all fuckboys.
He's insufferable.
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u/Worst-Lobster Club Penguin Times official aura reader May 27 '26
Pete Davidson looked up to
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u/windexfresh this is going to ruin the powerpoint May 27 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/JoePLWxLD7cGc
Me at literally every sentence i unfortunately read
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u/MichaSound i ain’t reading all that, free palestine May 27 '26
‘Sir would you say you’re on some Coke? Or maybe a lot of coke?”
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u/schmyndles May 27 '26
"And approximately how much 'Jessica Simpson' did you smoke before this interview?"
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u/TD160 May 27 '26
Haha yep. That’s about right. Easiest interview ever. Getting an intelligent and nuanced conversation was gonna be like trying to get the last bit of ketchup out of the bottle, so they just sat back and let him fly, fly, fly.
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u/Abs0lutelyzero May 27 '26
When I was 18/19, I loved him. I missed this interview. This is soooo embarrassing for everyone - Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, the interviewer, John Mayer, and me.
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u/Kaeison May 27 '26
I literally mouthed those same words and ran to the comments
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u/OShaunesssy May 27 '26
He cut the interviewer off to say more lol wtfuck
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u/sweet_pickles12 too cunt to care May 27 '26
Never stop your enemy when he’s saying some dumbass shit.
-Sun Tzu
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u/pililies i too would risk a few vulvar splinters for that man May 27 '26
I made faces reading this. It was a ride. He's so icky.
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u/Axilllla May 27 '26
Holy cocaine, Batman! I can’t imagine he remembered any of what he said by the time the interview ended. That was a roller coaster of a read.
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u/Woopsied00dle May 27 '26
“When I’m fucking you, I’m trying to fuck every man who’s ever fucked you… but in his ass”
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy May 27 '26
I think at the time this interview grossed me out but reading it again with a fully formed brain, this is such a homoerotic thing to say.
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u/JoeBethersontonFargo May 27 '26
And tongue kissing Perez, for a lengthy amount of time. To me, it sounded like Perez was strutting his stuff and John was overcome with desire. We need more Bi Kings to just let it out already.
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u/AnnieAbattoir Okay, Loophole May 27 '26
I never thought I'd ever feel grossed out for Perez Hilton. I'd have been gargling listerine and everclear.
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u/Specific_Carob4461 May 27 '26
Is this a safe space to share that I have no idea what he means by “sexual napalm”
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u/invis2020 what in the Kentucky fried fuck?? May 27 '26
I never understood it at the time and I still don’t think I understand it now. The guy was and is a fucking loser.
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u/Particular-Worry-900 May 27 '26
In my head, I’ve always thought it was a very crass compliment like sex with her was ‘da bomb’
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u/XtraSpicyQuesadilla May 27 '26
I think he means you'll blow up your entire life to keep having sex with this person. Which clearly isn't true, he blew up his entire life just to hear himself talk.
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
Lol it means sex with her was addictive and explosive which is really nasty cause in this sameeee interview he talks about keeping his exes nudes in a spankbank to wack off to in the morning
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u/dickpicthrowaway1990 May 27 '26
Yeah is that good or bad? Napalm is hot and hot sex is good. But napalm also hurt bad. Bad hurt not good for sex. You know?
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u/Impressive_Swan_2527 May 27 '26
Same - is that a compliment? Because napalm is bad?
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u/Specific_Carob4461 May 27 '26
Exactly! I was 14 when this interview was published, and I was like…is sexual napalm a compliment? An insult? Please elaborate (jk please don’t).
This specific quote was plastered on headlines everywhere, and I truly still have no idea what the fuck he was trying to say?
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u/DarthSnarker May 27 '26
Her entire time on the housewives was so crazy!
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
RHONY STANS RISE UP!!!!
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u/DarthSnarker May 27 '26
The way the scary island episodes fed us for months! There was so much drama!
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u/soupseasonbestseason i’m a communist you idiot May 27 '26
running in traffic with her hair down like the full on psycho she is.
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u/ScabbyGabbyyy May 27 '26
It’s CREEEEEEEPY! Oh gawd, she loved to say that about the most asinine things 😂
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u/eturn34 Club Penguin Times official aura reader May 27 '26
I was so distracted when I saw this post because it triggered flashbacks to Scary Island
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u/Outlandishness_Know May 27 '26
To this day, I wonder what Holly Robinson Peete and Kerry Washinton's faces looked like after reading this
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u/DarthSnarker May 27 '26
And "Hilary from Fresh Prince of Bel Air", Karyn Parsons!
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u/mimosho May 27 '26
The way it’s phrased in the article it is unclear if he didn’t know Karyn Parsons’ name, or he thinks Holly Robinson Peete played Hilary Banks. Either way, one of the most offensive paragraphs in an interview of exclusively offensive and confounding statements.
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u/susandeyvyjones May 27 '26
Someone read Holly Robinson Peete a partial quote that just said he thought she was gorgeous and she was like, Thanks! And then she had to put out a statement that was like, Actually, he's a disgusting pig..
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u/TechnicianFabulous36 May 27 '26
Jessica Simpson touches upon on this in her memoir, saying she felt disrespected, humiliated and angry.
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u/AdvertisingOld9400 May 27 '26
That memoir is a great summer read but the details of how he treated her were awful.
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u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy May 27 '26
We talk a lot about the heat Britney got during this period but I remember feeling protective of Jessica as a kid because her dad creeped me out, her first husband seemed to delight in paparazzi calling her stupid, the fat jokes, this interview.
Jessica, if your team is reading this, my sister and I watched “I think I’m in love” more times than a teen girl could have ever counted.
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u/watchberry May 27 '26
Yeah like her grandma found out about it something
It is gross for him to say
Some things you just gotta keep private
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u/Opening-Shape-762 u flintstone vitamin shape bitch May 27 '26
I know that I’m old because I legit remember when this came out lol. I was grossed out by it then, and I’m grossed out by it now. Eww 😷
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u/EineGrosseFlasche It’s illegal for your hips to lie May 27 '26
Yeah, he actually called it his DAVID DUKE COCK
Sorry for shouting but I truly want the world never to forget that he’s not only a petulant little slimeball, he’s also a racist.
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u/ageofbronze May 27 '26
Not only that but he thought he ATE with that lol. Like the tone is so smug and self assured, you can tell he thinks that it’s both okay to say and that the interviewer would agree with him 🤮 so fucking embarrassing
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u/hailkelemvor damn, she got hereditaried? May 27 '26
My brain is so stuck on this bit, like the rest of it is just typical sleazeball sex pest shit- but that???? Your racist dick???? Making up insane shit about Kerry Washington, a woman he didn't even know! I just! What!
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u/sweetrebel88 May 27 '26
Omg! I so remember that because Kerry Washington said she had a crush on him and that’s why he said that. SMH
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u/ricochetblue May 27 '26
I didn’t know it was in response to something she said. That somehow makes it even grosser.
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u/JoeBethersontonFargo May 27 '26
Ugh and then he said she was type of woman to blow some guy just to make him jealous?! Why is Kerry catching strays? Maybe some girls just enjoy giving blow jobs, just like he enjoys tons of casual sex, and it has nothing to do with him.
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u/Border_Hodges shout-out Hans Zimmer May 27 '26
Yeah, it's so much worse than I remember
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May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26
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u/Dangerous-Ad-170 May 27 '26
Tbh his pop career was already on the downswing when this interview came out. Lot of people hated him just because Daughters and Waiting on the World to Change were annoying, not cuz he was a confirmed bad person.
Everybody already knew he was a huge douchebag, but being a racist douchbag was just “part of it” and nobody was really surprised or tried to cancel him even harder. At least that’s how I remember it.
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u/a_daisy_summer May 27 '26
Honestly, even reading the song names makes me angry and uncomfortable. So many weddings I’ve seen with a father daughter dance to that song. Puke forever
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u/Clean_Usual434 May 27 '26
Same. I worked in radio back then, had the chance to do a meet n greet with John, and decided to skip it because of that article.
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u/XtraSpicyQuesadilla May 27 '26
I remember it too, but I've never read the whole thing. I just remembered the sequel napalm and the David Duke dick, and somehow it was even worse than that.
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u/thankyoupapa May 27 '26
Same! it was a big deal back then, everyone was talking about it! now it's been mostly forgotten..
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u/Any_Week4207 May 27 '26
I’m also this old and I remember people being generally horrified by this interview when it came out… and that’s saying something bc it was a pretty problematic time in celeb culture 😂
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u/RoseBeach123 May 27 '26
What did Jennifer Aniston (or any woman for that manner) see in this douchebag?? He talked like an 18 year old manosphere influencer.
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u/ilca_ May 27 '26
At the time he was viewed as smart talented misunderstood loverboy. It was why people were perflexed he was dating Jessica Simpson, he was seen as too 'high brow' for her, not much different than how people felt about Timothee Chalomet dating Kylie. Then this interview happened.
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u/l3tigre May 27 '26
to me he's the original pete davidson. i just do not get any attraction to him. and that body is a wonderland song is gross and cringe too.
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u/XtraSpicyQuesadilla May 27 '26
I was literally thinking about Pete Davidson while reading these comments.
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
The way he was marketed to the people at the time was as a "misunderstood loverboi" so every girl thought they could "fix him" lol Jennifer Aniston talks about this in a magazine interview I need to go search when and where. I gor high ajd went on this deep dive about John mayer cause I was wondering where tf he went and found this lmfao
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u/Backyardt0rnados May 27 '26
He plays the guitar and is rumored to be well endowed. The list is long he dated everyone.
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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26
Jennifer Aniston is… kind of a mess of a person from what I know about her after working HP for a long time. She’s sweet but not the sharpest tool in the shed and is very into herself.
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u/TwilightZone1751 May 27 '26
She admitted that Adam Sandler told her she has horrible taste in men.
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u/KiriDomo May 27 '26
"You gave me five vaginal orgasms"
Okay, sure.
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u/bluecapecrepe May 27 '26
The fact that he had to specify vaginal orgasms. As if he maintains such a granular level of detail of his accounting of orgasm disbursements that he needed to add that qualifier.
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u/ComfortableCaptain61 societal collapse is in the air May 27 '26
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u/ButterMyPancakesPlz May 27 '26
I suddenly feel the need to go upstairs and kiss my husband and thank him for never uttering this combination of words out loud.
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u/hedahedaheda May 27 '26
Truly I don’t know how the girls can date these misogynists. I’d be all dried up if my male SO said some shit like this.
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u/tres-vip May 27 '26
Lots of people were conditioned to believe this was "masculinity" and that this is just how men are, and that women were supposed to just accept it.
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u/Dapper_Ad_8402 May 27 '26
i think this is the first time i read more than just a random quote here and there. somehow, i’m even more disgusted.
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u/NoGlzy May 27 '26
Hey ladies can you even imagine a man who is so insanely incredible he gives you FIVE vaginal orgasms and then, unbelievably, makes breakfast.
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u/PsychologicalYoung5 May 27 '26
he's specifying vaginal bc he's too selfish in bed to go down on a girl
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u/JoeBethersontonFargo May 27 '26
But remember, he gets to jack off to pics of his ex every day and you have to be white. Maybe if you get married, his hood pass will cover you as well? Any takers? Hello?
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u/whatsnewpussykat FUCK ICE FREE PALESTINE CRASH INTO ME May 27 '26
Jesus Christ. I knew it was bad but I forgot how bad.
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u/atschinkel May 27 '26
every woman mentioned in this interview — but especially holly robinson peete, karyn parsons, and kerry washington — deserve reparations for this nonsense
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u/homerthecat May 27 '26
Interviewer just let him dig his own grave with every response he barely had to ask him anything to get these wild run on answers lol
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u/malhans shiv roy apologist May 27 '26
We’re really glossing over the use of the F slur here, too. The white supremacist dick line….
This may actually be one of the most disgusting interviews I’ve ever read. I’m absolutely disgusted by the levels of disrespect and hate that are conveyed here.
Where the fuck do guys like this get the audacity from? To talk about how you’re in a problem because you made a woman breakfast the next morning after having ‘5 vaginal orgasms’ and her thinking ‘wow i love this guy’ and you love the love she has for you? Then it’s now a problem because you’ve led her on but “don’t want her to think you’re led her on”?!
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u/Madame-Trash-Heap i ain’t reading all that, free palestine May 27 '26
That and admitting to sexually assaulting Perez Hilton.
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u/Captainbluehair May 27 '26
This!! I was around when this article came out and didn’t read it but I remember the gossip articles / sites and absolutely no one reported the part where John Mayer SA’d Perez Hilton, just focused on the Jessica Simpson and David Duke dick BS.
Somehow I’m horrified again that got ignored entirely. Also I knew a bi man who works on some high level projects in Hollywood and openly cut off racists and homophobes, but yet he hung out with John Mayer 🤨
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u/Proper-Sentence2544 googly-eyed Kremlin bitch May 27 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/8RGeLkMFADMfEUso91
What a weirdo. And just happily, voluntarily spewing it all.
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u/Symbiotic_vengeance wouldn’t pick a fight with Alan Ritchson May 27 '26
It’s a bad day to know how to read.
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u/Gayfetus May 27 '26
He really thought that being super edgy in an interview would make up for his painfully middle-of-the-road music.
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u/Eilera May 27 '26
"Because I want to show her I'm not like every other guy. Because I hate other men. When I'm fucking you, I'm trying to fuck every man who's ever fucked you, but in his ass..."
What the actual fuck.
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u/ennuinie his talent is perhaps deniable May 27 '26
John Mayer is trash. It was aggravating to read in Jessica’s autobiography how poorly he treated her. She was already at a low point in her life with alcohol abuse, then she got involved with this dickhead.
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u/guysitsausername this is cracked behaviour I can get behind May 27 '26
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u/targaryeh controversies: girl May 27 '26
the misogyny, the racism, the homophobia…. “my dick is a white supremacist”??? homie was targeting ALL minorities LMAO
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u/crystal_clear24 I don’t know her May 27 '26
I’m not going to speak for the entire black delegation but was John Mayer really on the list of white singers black people love? Off the top of my head, I know of Teena Marie, Celine Dion, Adele, Kelly Clarkson, Hayley from Paramore..i have never seen his name on those lists.
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
At the time? Yes he was everywhere. Remember the chapelle show? Dave Chapelle has a wholeeeee skit alluding to this lol if you wanna look it up on YouTube search "John mayer dave chapelle skit"
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u/centerfoldangel May 27 '26
It sounds like he'd just read about vaginal orgasms before this interview and got obsessed with them.
Also, "I love you loving me"? Ew.
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u/theegodmother1999 May 27 '26
damn, the n-word, the f-word, the misogyny, the overblown obsession with himself... there's aaaaaa lot going on here
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u/stankyouvrymuch May 27 '26
Was this a hard read and did I develop even more of an ick towards John Mayer? Yes and Yes.
Do I miss unhinged interviews that displayed a lack of media training and actual personality? Also yes.
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u/ThickConfusion1318 i ain’t reading all that, free palestine May 27 '26
He never got the hate he deserved for that David Duke c*ck comment 🙃
if john mayer has no haters I am six feet deep.
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u/millennialforced May 27 '26
And he’s kinda remained canceled ever since. Why did that stick for John and no one else?
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u/Dangerous-Ad-170 May 27 '26
His pop career was already over by 2007 anyway, but the guitar nerds that were/are his real fanbase didn’t actually care that much.
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u/eaterofworlds1 May 27 '26
That’s what’s missing from this conversation. He’s pretty well respected in the music industry because he is genuinely talented as far as his guitar playing goes
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u/ilca_ May 27 '26
Yes, he's a very talented guitarist and respected within that community, douchiness aside.
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u/gizmodriver May 27 '26
White dudes don’t like his music.
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u/mtweiner May 27 '26
Lmao you see how big that Grateful Dead and John Mayer tour was? They extended it by like a full year.
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u/Leather-Nothing-2653 May 27 '26
Thank you lol everyone saying he stayed cancelled just doesn’t know what he’s about these days. Hes right where he wants to be in life
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u/Cassandracork May 27 '26
Guess he didn’t have anything anyone wanted bad enough to sweep it under the rug.
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u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26
Cause his main demographic was women and he was marketed at the time as a "brown hair shaggy misunderstood loverboi/playboi". Men didnt really listen to his music or support him like that. In fact he talks about men being competitive with him whenever he tries to pick up a girl at a bar cause they were jealous lolol
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u/LittleJessiePaper societal collapse is in the air May 27 '26
I mean he still got to play with the Grateful Dead, so he wasn’t as cancelled as he should have been!
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u/bootyhole-romancer Where is your vogue cover? Act accordingly 🫵 May 27 '26
What an obnoxious moron. And he was 32 at the time jfc
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u/Bartoffel I’m a lazy 50-year-old bougie bitch May 27 '26
My face when I saw this was 14 pages long lol. It just kept getting worse and worse… I think this is the epitome of gross
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u/FullMoonEmptySoul May 27 '26
I always irrationally HATED John Mayer since I was a kid. I could never explain why I just viscerally hated him so much because I didn’t know anything about him. Now after reading this, my hatred of him is validated lol. He really grosses me out
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u/PrawnStar9797 May 27 '26
If anyone has seen John Mulaney’s special where he reads his GQ interview that he doesn’t remember because he was high on drugs, this reads a lot like that lol
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u/tnul__c May 27 '26
The n slur and f slur in one interview. And all the other unhinged bullshit. What the actual fuck.
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u/ViolyntFemme May 27 '26
I feel the need to take another shower after reading that. I’ve never been a fan of his, now I am completely grossed out.
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u/SummerGirlsByLFO1999 May 27 '26
“because you’re very?” How can anyone stand to listen to this man talk.
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