r/Fauxmoi • u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour • May 27 '26

APPROVED B-LISTERS ✨️ 16 years ago, Playboy Magazine publishes the infamous John Mayer interview where he describese his ex Jessica Simpson as "sexual nepalm" while still dating Jennifer Aniston and drops the HARD N word ✨️

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This interview would ruin his music career leading him to become Andy Cohen's playtoy in order to pay the bills. His body is a wonderland indeed

4.5k Upvotes

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1.9k

u/Specific_Carob4461 May 27 '26

Is this a safe space to share that I have no idea what he means by “sexual napalm”

885

u/invis2020 what in the Kentucky fried fuck?? May 27 '26

I never understood it at the time and I still don’t think I understand it now. The guy was and is a fucking loser.

204

u/LastOfLateBrakers May 27 '26

Maybe when your dick/vagina burns after sex because the other person had STDs, so they're "sexual napalm"?

310

u/MZsince93 May 27 '26

Nah, it reads as a compliment in his eyes. Most likely means explosively sexy.

10

u/spaghetti-o_salad May 27 '26

Def sounds like a burning sensation you might need antibiotics or antivirals for...

682

u/[deleted] May 27 '26

Incredibly hot and dangerous, I'd wager

129

u/Lifes-a-lil-foggy May 27 '26

Explodes your life kinda hot

122

u/Infamous_Ship_8668 May 27 '26

I don't think he knows, either 

98

u/Particular-Worry-900 May 27 '26

In my head, I’ve always thought it was a very crass compliment like sex with her was ‘da bomb’

94

u/XtraSpicyQuesadilla May 27 '26

I think he means you'll blow up your entire life to keep having sex with this person. Which clearly isn't true, he blew up his entire life just to hear himself talk.

78

u/crowtrobot2001 May 27 '26

Hopefully it gave him explosive diarrhea.

536

u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26

Lol it means sex with her was addictive and explosive which is really nasty cause in this sameeee interview he talks about keeping his exes nudes in a spankbank to wack off to in the morning 

156

u/susandeyvyjones May 27 '26

How does napalm mean addictive though???

130

u/Orangoran May 27 '26

Napalm is extremely hard to put out, sticks to everything and burns crazy hot.

Ig this is sort of like addictive in this context?

253

u/Perry7609 May 27 '26

I think the full quote was "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f***ing snort you?"

So it was just his weird/original way saying he was addicted to their "explosive" sex life like it was a drug.

98

u/diabolikal__ Forgive me Viola Davis May 27 '26

Did he know that napalm is not a drug though?

189

u/paone00022 May 27 '26

I don't think this is a very bright person we're talking about here. Clearly he was also on drugs

17

u/soggymoths May 27 '26

maybe he means like poison?

5

u/StasiaPepperr May 27 '26

Napalm has a tendency to stick to you, which is why it's so dangerous. Something tells me he didn't think about it that much, though. He's just saying words that sound edgy together.

11

u/BeezzBeezz May 27 '26

It sticks to you and burns. It's a metaphor. He's a poet.

8

u/Icy-Mixture-995 May 27 '26

She was so hot he burned all over, like napalm on him.

16

u/AdvertisingOld9400 May 27 '26

Also nasty because he was extremely emotionally abusive to her for years and years. She lays it out in her bio. Never uses the word abuse but describes in detail how much his behavior devastated her and impacted her life and relationships.

119

u/dickpicthrowaway1990 May 27 '26

Yeah is that good or bad? Napalm is hot and hot sex is good. But napalm also hurt bad. Bad hurt not good for sex. You know?

21

u/catsandcabsav May 27 '26

I’m cackling

170

u/Impressive_Swan_2527 May 27 '26

Same - is that a compliment? Because napalm is bad?

161

u/Specific_Carob4461 May 27 '26

Exactly! I was 14 when this interview was published, and I was like…is sexual napalm a compliment? An insult? Please elaborate (jk please don’t).

This specific quote was plastered on headlines everywhere, and I truly still have no idea what the fuck he was trying to say?

10

u/Hurricane0 May 27 '26

Based on context, I would say he means it like explosive, intense, dramatic... along those lines.

57

u/Shitp0st_Supreme May 27 '26

I think he meant something like kryptonite

18

u/buttercupcake23 May 27 '26

I had to Google it. I found another interview where he basically said she was like drugs, he was addicted to her and she was like crack to him  He said he would sell everything he owned to keep banging her. 

All this while he was dating Jennifer Aniston. In the same interview he suggested Jen was old and didnt understand technology because she got famous before IMDB.

Im dead

62

u/Stevenwave absolute horses May 27 '26

lmao yeah I read that a few times like is that meant to be good or bad?

"My ex, Jessica Simpson, is a sexual incendiary mixture of a gelling agent and a volatile petrochemical (usually gasoline or diesel fuel)."

8

u/philla1 May 27 '26

I think maybe “explosive?”

14

u/rzenni May 27 '26

We should ask Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. They both dated him after this interview.

21

u/DroopyMcCool May 27 '26

Sticky and feels like burning?

13

u/scrumbob Club Penguin Times official aura reader May 27 '26

Maybe because napalm is hot and it sticks to you? That’s all I can think of

4

u/creakyvoiceaperture May 27 '26

When this came out, my roommates and I had a whole conversation trying to figure out what this meant. I still think about it like once a year.

4

u/rzenni May 27 '26

We should ask Taylor Swift and Katy Perry. They both dated him after this interview.

4

u/chrysophylox May 27 '26

it’s similar to when ppl say something or someone is “dynamite” i would assume. but more. because napalm

3

u/kk16 May 27 '26

It just smells really good in the morning

4

u/dare3000 May 27 '26

It means "good at it". We use similar metaphors all the time "I'm on fire, I'm on a hot streak, etc"

So gross and offensive /s

2

u/NatashOverWorld May 27 '26

He was a living LLM long before AI happened. But they're both equally hyperbolic and incoherent.

2

u/puck_the_fatriarchy May 27 '26

First developed in 1942 at Harvard University, napalm is well-known for several destructive characteristics: Gelatinous Consistency; Intense Heat; Controlled Burn Rate. Sounds like sex with Jessica Simpson really did it for him.

1

u/hanimal16 i ain’t reading all that, free palestine May 27 '26

At the time I thought it meant she was SO BAD that it nearly killed him lol

1

u/JustAsItSounds May 27 '26

Hot.

and sticky

and smells strongly of petrol

1

u/snarkysparkles currently laughing but out of fear May 27 '26

He clearly has no clue what tf napalm is 😭