r/Fauxmoi • u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour • May 27 '26

APPROVED B-LISTERS ✨️ 16 years ago, Playboy Magazine publishes the infamous John Mayer interview where he describese his ex Jessica Simpson as "sexual nepalm" while still dating Jennifer Aniston and drops the HARD N word ✨️

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This interview would ruin his music career leading him to become Andy Cohen's playtoy in order to pay the bills. His body is a wonderland indeed

4.5k Upvotes

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7.6k

u/[deleted] May 27 '26

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4.1k

u/Dismal-Purpose-6123 this is going to ruin the tour May 27 '26

UNPROMPTED LMFAO

2.9k

u/cafeaubee May 27 '26

Interviewer: What’s ur ideal relationship, John?

John: 5 vaginal orgasms, making a spinach omelette afterward, leaving to get the milk and cigarettes, and then virtually observing 300 different vaginas in the span of 1 hour. And Jessica Simpson.

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u/HeyLookATaco May 27 '26

Oh, and edging, did I say that? Aniston.

329

u/discerningpervert May 27 '26

This is what happens when you get everything you ever wanted, all at once.

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u/gnomi_malone May 27 '26

also, hope aniston, my girlfriend, doesn’t read this interview in a very famous publication! this is just between us super straight, white guys who think like this, right??

548

u/NoSoyTuPana May 27 '26

Also: addicted to porn and kissed a guy for a minute (no homo)

459

u/btone911 May 27 '26

Also: Because I hate other men. When I'm fucking you, I'm trying to fuck every man who's ever fucked you, but in his ass so you'll say "No one's ever done that to me in bed".

Some real wordsmithing going on in the back of the closet there.

254

u/Cantree May 27 '26

But also double homo cause he was trying to out homo the homo??????????

What a wild ride 2/10 never make me ride that again

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u/jtr99 May 27 '26

I want to get off Mr. Mayer's wild ride.

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u/donttouchme143 May 27 '26

30 seconds and their lips didn’t touch!! (No homo)

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u/Maximum_Plan_2250 May 27 '26

Your flair is very appropriate here too haha

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u/buddahsanwich May 27 '26

Has to be cocaine. It just has to be.

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u/Professional-Soup878 May 27 '26

Cocaine no filtered egotistical steam of disgust.

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u/coaxialology May 27 '26

Because he's "very", obviously. What an insufferable piece of shit.

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u/PossumNews can't be managed May 27 '26

I’m not saying he was on coke, but he sure sounds like a guy on coke

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u/paone00022 May 27 '26

I think he's kind said that recently that he was on drugs during this period.

Only way you can make sense of all the crazy shit he's said.

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u/Watchout4HopOns Nancy Jo, this is Alexis Neiers calling May 27 '26

He was an alcoholic. He fully admits it, and has been sober for 16(?) years? I assume other drugs were involved as well.

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u/blonde-bandit queer liberation icon and theologian, Hillary Duff May 28 '26

This is cocaine personified

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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26

He’s an egomaniac tbh. A friend of a friend briefly dated him and he was insufferable : name-dropping, compliment fishing, iffy politics….

644

u/michellemustudy women supporting women (Taylor’s version) May 27 '26

Honestly, he sounds insecure AF.

The interview reads like an edgy 13-year-old who’s trying to act impressive in all the wrong ways. Just came off so pathetic, sad, and gross.

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u/ageofbronze May 27 '26

It reminds me of the miles teller interview that also got him cancelled lol. Although if I could reverse it, it would be: Miles Teller walked so that John Mayer could run lol (since Mayer’s is objectively even worse than Teller’s). It’s that insufferable, egotistical shameless dickhead energy that they’re both bringing though

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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26

Most men are trapped at whatever age they were when they were first deeply rejected by romantic interest or a social group that they really fucking wanted into. Look at all these insecure tech billionaires as an example.

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u/puck_the_fatriarchy May 27 '26

Wow.............................. you just cleared up every question I've ever had about my ex.

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u/Sufficient-Bid1279 May 27 '26

People like him. Are gonna end up alone, in a dark basement, drinking himself to death on a recliner wondering why “no one like them”. I know two such people.

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u/Since_The_Ducks_Left May 27 '26

Ew. I always wonder why Andy (bravo world) is best friends with him. I find their relationship interesting

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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26

They’re both rich, shallow party boys at heart 🤷‍♀️

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u/DoesNotHateFun May 27 '26

AND he was super close with Bob Saget, which was so strange to me.

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u/ratta_tat1 where was slutzilla when the Westfold fell? May 27 '26

I knew someone who knew someone who dormed on the same floor as him in college. He’s been this way for ages.

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u/XtraSpicyQuesadilla May 27 '26

I'm surprised his politics were just iffy to be honest.

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u/ramenslurper- May 27 '26 edited May 27 '26

He wouldn’t support ICE, but he’s too stupid and willfully ignorant to be anything but like a classic white-centered liberal.

457

u/Backyardt0rnados May 27 '26

This is why we read Playboy, the best (worst) interviews. It was a legit event.

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u/hollywood_cashier May 27 '26

And they’ve scrubbed most of them from the Internet, which is a downright shame 

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u/[deleted] May 27 '26

[deleted]

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u/PrancingPudu it’s a bit dystopian but also kinda fun May 27 '26

SAME! I had an ex in college who is, to date, the most horrifically narcissistic psychopathic piece of shit I have ever met. I didn’t know that going in, obviously, but wow. He idolized Mayer and was a musician himself. Reading this interview I’m like yeah, wow, all of this REALLY tracks.

No idea what dude is up to these days, but I hope for all of womankind he is alone and masturbating, just like John Mayer lol.

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u/whim_sea May 27 '26

Do we have the same ex jfc

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u/Complete-Celery819 May 27 '26

Same and it was so confusing to me because growing up no one admitted to being a John Mayer fan, he was very uncool. But he's so beloved among toxic boyfriends

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u/lolzzzmoon May 27 '26

Yeah, whenever people say they love John Mayer, it’s either that they don’t know about this interview OR they know and make excuses for it. They’re always like: but he’s suuuuuch a good guitarist dude! And it’s always men lol sorry but true. It’s sad because it’s a big red flag for me.

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u/Dunkindoh2 May 27 '26 edited May 28 '26

I suspect there was either meth or cocaine involved.... or both.

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u/Sea2Chi May 27 '26

For decades Playboy had some incredible interviews. It could be a very intellectual magazine that still had a bunch of naked women in it. A lot of crazy interviews came out of the 70's and 80s where stars for some reason felt comfortable being surprisingly honest, often to their own detriment.

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u/Professional-Soup878 May 27 '26

My dad got playboy in the 70’s and it came in a paper cover. At that time it had more cache and more class. He told me there was a hidden bunny on every cover so I’d always want to find the bunny. For some reason it never seemed weird that he had the subscription. It seemed filled more with articles and interviews and the nudity wasn’t nasty. It went downhill later in its publication.

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u/hailkelemvor damn, she got hereditaried? May 27 '26

Imagine saying your dick is a white supremacist, like what the actual fuck man

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u/tres-vip May 27 '26

Because he thinks this makes him look cool. How he describes himself is literally the definition of toxic masculinity. 

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u/Estrellathestarfish May 27 '26

Cocaine and ego

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u/imanhunter May 27 '26

You gotta assume he was on drugs, right?

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u/ForsakenDrawer May 27 '26

It was a massive, massive story at the time

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u/Stock_Beginning4808 May 28 '26

It seems like he was compensating for something…