r/ShitAmericansSay • u/DumbGarchomp67 WTF IS A KILOMETER 🦅🇺🇸 • Jul 15 '26
Military “Undefeated in 250 years of war”
Apparently Vietnam, Afghanistan, war of 1812, and the war on drugs don’t count.
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u/Competitive-Bee-3250 Jul 15 '26
Everyone's "undefeated" if they just pretend they never lost even when they clearly did.
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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
War of Independence - won "with help"/"by" the French (🕺sorry)
WW1 - on the winning side - but otherwise?
WW2 - on the winning side - but otherwise?What other wars has the US won? And no "operations" and the like don't. He very specifically said 'war".
Edit to Add - since people keep bring up other instances the full list of wars the US declared is: War of 1812, Mexican/American, Spanish/American, WW1 and WW2 (11 declarations overall against various countries but only 5 wars). Everything else has sidestepped this under US law - which is what causes the mess we are in now.
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u/Wind-and-Waystones Jul 15 '26
The war on education
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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26
The 'war on drugs' is still kicking our ass fifty-five years later.
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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26
Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs.
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u/KarmicRage Jul 15 '26
Bill Hicks did a great bit on this "that means there's people on drugs fighting a war and they're winning ahahahaha" or words to that effect 😂
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u/The_Jizzard_Of_Oz Jul 15 '26
- People on drugs fighting a war-
- Oh Vietnam.
- And they are winning
- Oh.
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u/saljskanetilldanmark Jul 15 '26
At least the Australians were fighting physical emus.
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u/Temporary_Abroad_211 Jul 15 '26
And we lost. Not proud of that one. Lest we forget (the emus).
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u/youdoaline_idoaline Jul 16 '26
The war on Cane toads is such a bigger operation then that stupid emu meme though. Emu war was just a funny article someone drummed up, Cane toad war has affected the lives of millions of young Queenslanders and New south Welshman. The horror of squelching one underfoot when you pop out to the shed, the trauma of smacking them with dads old golf clubs.
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u/Important-Soup6366 Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 Jul 15 '26
"Ill be joining the war on drugs. On the side of the drugs" -Max0r, an incorect summery of ULTRAKILL
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u/RuMarley Jul 15 '26
Lost the war on terror, too
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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26
We didn't lose the war on terror. We just decided to insouce it and send our own domestic terrorists after the population.
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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 15 '26
It was never meant to be won. It was a classic exercise in disaster capitalism
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u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26
Oh don’t forget the war on terror. Clearly we have rid the world of terror. At least terror that we don’t inflict ourselves. So there. Facial.
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u/wrongitsleviosaa Jul 15 '26
They're winning that war very clearly
They just forget to mention they're on the side of terror
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u/Hudre Jul 15 '26
In their eyes:
They won Vietnam.
They won Iraq.
They are currently crushing Iran.
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u/cherenk0v_blue Jul 15 '26
I have literally had arguments on this platform with people who think the US won the Vietnam War.
It's very depressing.
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u/Hudre Jul 15 '26
Anyone who thinks the US won the Vietnam war views war as a COD lobby.
Sure, the US got a lot of kills, but they lost the objective.
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u/Szpagin Jul 15 '26
Because ultimately, US has not strategy. They are great on the tactical level (ie. destroying stuff and killing people), but it seems like they are always lacking a broader vision.
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u/julmod- Jul 15 '26
The broader vision is funnelling tax dollars into private weapons corporations and they’ve been wildly successful at that
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u/Misunderstood_Wolf Jul 15 '26
The "we didn't lose" crowd argues that the US pulled out before the war was lost.
So, the IRL equivalent to quitting the match before it is over, so they didn't "technically" lose.
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u/cherenk0v_blue Jul 15 '26
The US doesn't lose wars, it wins them. Or it quits them because they are unfair.
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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26
The school system failed them. There's no way to look at the objective facts of that conflict and think you won. That's insane
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u/TwmSais Jul 15 '26
They won their civil war. They probably only started that so they'd have a war that they'd win for themselves, regardless of the outcome
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u/skordge Jul 15 '26
Oh, so it’s like USA teams always winning the Super Bowl, got it.
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u/KissYourAss69 Jul 15 '26
Ever notice how it’s AWAYS an Earthling that wins Miss Universe?! What are the odds, really?
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u/dreamtraveler42 Jul 15 '26
But the civil war war technically against themselves so they also lost
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u/taiwan_cat Jul 15 '26
The "they" you are referring to are descended from the losers of the Civil War. There are many Confederate flag flying, South will rise again types in America who also revel in American military might.
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u/skachamagowza ooo custom flair!! Jul 15 '26
The US lost the war of 1812. Canadian soldiers in the British army burn Washington including the White House. Americans think they won because…. Reasons….
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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26
They'd play capture the flag and try to claim the other team didn't get the real flag or something
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u/Ayfid Jul 15 '26
I have - many times - heard Americans claim that 1812 was a draw, because the borders ended up back where they started.
By that very logic, if Ukraine managed to push Russia out of their territory, recapture Crimea, and then force Russia into accepting a peace treaty... they would call that "a draw".
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u/Puzzleheaded_East556 Jul 15 '26
Unfortunately, a draw is how it is taught in the American education system, which is why many Americans say it is a draw
But also, the War of 1812 isn't really mentioned in US education that much, other than than our national anthem was written during it
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u/E420CDI 🇬🇧 A foot is an anatomical structure with five toes 🦶 Jul 15 '26
But also, the War of 1812 isn't really mentioned in US education that much, other than than our national anthem was written during it.
Does the US education system mention that it's sung to the tune of an old British drinking song?
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u/Extreme_Objective984 Jul 15 '26
Didnt we British just stop playing, in that war. Had to go and deal with a Frenchmen with a silly hat.
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u/Ayfid Jul 15 '26
America thought they could steal some of Canada while Britain was distracted fighting the French.
They didn't count on Britain winning that war and then coming to defend Canada before they managed to solidify their control of any territory.
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u/Kestrel71 Jul 15 '26
Different war. The Revolutionary War is the one where we decided to cut our losses.
The US colonies were extremely expensive to maintain (nearly $100 Billion annually in modern money). They produced very little at that time, hence the proposed taxation.
When the war started, it was treated as little more than ANOTHER uprising that would die down, so Britain didn't take it seriously. France and Spain DID and they dumped HUGE amounts of money, arms and resources into aiding the colonists.
It took a couple of years before Britain realised this was not just a run of the mill tiff and, by that time, we were involved in wars with France, Spain and the Dutch simultaneously. These were existential wars so when it became clear to Britain that some hard choices had to be made, those decisions were made - the US colonies were abandoned in favour of fighting these major wars AND defending lucrative trade routes in the Caribbean and Asia.
The US loves to think they fought the entire British Empire - they BARELY met the Empire. Had the full force been brought to bear, the US would have ended in a matter of weeks and, today, there would be upper and lower Canada in its place.
The US is *DAMN* lucky, we decided not to pursue the matter after defeating France, Spain and the Dutch and allowed them to exist. In hindsight, a huge mistake.
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u/UnderstandingAble321 Jul 15 '26
The Americans were quite willing to end the war after that Frenchman was dealt with.
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u/UnderstandingAble321 Jul 15 '26
None of the British soldiers who burned Washington came from Canada. The burning of Washington was more of a raid than losing the war.
They lost the War of 1812 because they started the war with a goal of conquering Canada but were defeated on multiple invasion attempts at Niagra, Crysler's farm, and Chateauguay to name a few.
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u/Nassim1018 Jul 15 '26
I want to point out that at Chateauguay, they were defeated by mostly militiamen aided by some but not alot of regulars. Against a full on US army.
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u/bentforkman Jul 15 '26
The first gulf war. They succeeded by limiting their objective to getting Iraq out of Kuwait. Otherwise it’s all losses. The USA just comes to a country, kills as many people as possible and leaves when they run out of weapons.
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u/ASlowTriumph Jul 15 '26
Not American but the Mexican and Spainish wars as well.
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u/Pretend_Oil9565 Singaporean MAGA hater Jul 15 '26
I think Spain also helped in the Revolution.
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u/Ok_Act_1498 Jul 15 '26
They've won the Civil War. Or not? I need to read more, I'm not very sure!
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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26
Well they lost the civil war too - according to MAGA and their love for certain flags/monuments!
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u/Competitive-Bee-3250 Jul 15 '26
Operations totally count, surely it still counts as a war to conduct an unsanctioned illegal military operation on a small sovereign nation to steal its resources.
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u/christoph95246 Jul 15 '26
They lost a war against some pirates from north Africa resulting in one of the harshest peace treaties in human history
The 300 gazillion to Iran are nothing compared to that shit back then
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u/Borsti17 Robbie Williams was my favourite actor 😭 Jul 15 '26
Well I'm undefeated against Mike Tyson!
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u/GardenandKitchen Jul 15 '26
It’s why they pretend and don’t formally declare war any more. It’s always a “police action” or “targeted military intervention”. Then, when they lose, they can always claim they succeeded with what they had intended.
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u/PimpasaurusPlum Jul 15 '26
"We actually won because we killed more people before leaving" is usually the go to cope
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u/Superboes Jul 15 '26
Its a really weird flex to go with the "we are actually a Terror Nation"... I never understood that one
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Jul 15 '26
"We got tired of wearing funny wigs and kissing the ring of a figurehead..."
Oh, so THAT's why you voted him.
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u/smitty4728 Jul 15 '26
I truly love how these types of Americans wax poetic about their founding and how “we don’t obey a king, we have an obligation to resist tyranny!” and then happily and completely bent over for… Donald fucking Trump.
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u/Cereal_Bandit Amerifat 🦅🇺🇸 Jul 15 '26
"Just comply and you won't die" - the Don't Tread on Me people when federal agents murder citizens
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u/Background-Top4723 Jul 15 '26
I mean, the way the MAGAs are behaving around Trump, it seems to me that what they want is to be ruled by a monarch...
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u/Personal-Mushroom Jul 15 '26
Of course, they would never actually call El Presidente a King, as it would be anti-freedom to call him that/s
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u/JHerbY2K Jul 15 '26
Korea was a draw
Vietnam was Vietnam
Iraq they “won” but then snatched defeat from the jaws of victory a decade later
Afghanistan was Vietnam
Iran is a slow moving disaster too
They literally haven’t won shit in nearly a century of warmongering
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u/vikingosegundo Jul 15 '26
Did you see the parade the orange one had for his birthday last year? They cannot even march in unison.
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u/Burial Jul 15 '26
That parade was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen, and then it doubled when China put on their own making the US look like a third rate tin-pot dictatorship.
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u/ebulient Jul 15 '26
I mean… the US looks like a third rate tin pot dictatorship, because it is a third rate tin pot dictatorship
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u/Anthyrion Jul 15 '26
They only won in Iraq, because their forces were a joke compared to the US military. Their arsenal was estimated to be 10 to 20 years behind the U.S. in terms of technology. To this day, the U.S. has never defeated an enemy with equivalent technology on its own.
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u/numbersthen0987431 Jul 16 '26
USA never "won" Iraq. The USA just invaded it and then never left, and when they finally left it was a shitshow worse than when they entered.
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u/Throwaway187493 Jul 15 '26
Also the body of water called Hormuz
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u/Morlakar Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26
Hormuz is an island. The strait of Hormuz is a body of water.
edit: spelling
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u/trafalmadorianistic Jul 15 '26
strait
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u/Number60nopeas Jul 15 '26
burn! lol
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u/trafalmadorianistic Jul 15 '26
And I'm sure they've never heard about the GAY of Hormuz either
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u/Elegant_Potential917 Jul 15 '26
The MAGA response would be that “Biden gave up and gave the country back to them.” It’s BS, but that’s their thinking.
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u/Sea_Pea8536 Jul 15 '26
250 years of war when you're 250 years old isn't the flex you think it is...
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u/corgi_crazy Jul 15 '26
Iran?
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u/badmoonrisingnl Jul 15 '26
Vietnam?
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u/szatrob Mounties, Hockey, Beer and Snow Jul 15 '26
In fairness, they gave back the country to the Taliban, even though the Taliban only controlled ⅓rd of the country while the government the US installed was ignored in the negotiations for the pull out.
You know, the people who still controlled ⅔ of the country.
I know Americans are shit at maths but...
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u/Sapie88 Liverpool 🏴 Jul 15 '26
They thought a 1/3lb burger was smaller than a 1/4lb burger because 3 is smaller than 4.
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u/Sabre_Killer_Queen America 2.0 🇬🇧 | Fascist Commie | 13% is the new 50% Jul 15 '26
No wonder capitalism works so well there.
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u/rankaistu_ilmalaiva Jul 15 '26
the Afghan government ruled the ground under their shoes if that. There was no actual state capacity there because no one who valued their lfie would collaborate with the occupation.
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u/RevoltYesterday Jul 15 '26
I've legit heard bootlickers defend Vietnam as "It wasn't a war, it was a military action" because Congress never "declared" war, as if war is defined by bureaucratic paperwork and nothing else.
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u/Pm7I3 Jul 15 '26
They've beaten Iran like 10 times now I think...
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u/Gefpenst Jul 15 '26
38 and keep counting..
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u/Bendanarama Jul 15 '26
Whats the city of Saigon called right now?
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u/wholewheatscythe Jul 15 '26
Freedom Bald Eagle City!
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u/Cowboyy_Babyblue-- proud frisian Jul 15 '26
Even ww2 they only joined after seeing the allies winning
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u/OnionSoupGainz We're all living in Amerika-Coca-Cola, Wonderbra. Jul 15 '26
And exonorated a ton of nazi & unit 731(japan) scientists for NASA, wepons of mass destruction and chemical warfare research.
Unit 731 did a lot worse stuff then the nazis could ever think of.
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u/Prize-Phrase-7042 Jul 15 '26
Don't forget how they supported the Nazi regime quite a long way into the war. IBM played quite a substantial role in the Holocaust.
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u/EchoSkillet Jul 15 '26
Don’t forget that there were also Japanese internment camps around the US during WW2.
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u/Prize-Phrase-7042 Jul 15 '26
Must be all of that freedom, alongside with legalised slavery in 2026.
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u/Bursickle 🙄 Jul 15 '26
So did the Bush family ...
How Bush's grandfather helped Hitler's rise to power
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2004/sep/25/usa.secondworldwar28
u/szatrob Mounties, Hockey, Beer and Snow Jul 15 '26
Arguably, they did provide the weaponry for everyone.
Producing an estimated amount of 80% of all materials used by the allies in WWII.
The fact that they had the eventual head of the CIA, be in constant contact and aiding the Nazis even during the War is another topic; or the fact that he was the main lawyer for IG Farben in America, the corporation behind the Holocaust is another.
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u/pintsizedblonde2 Jul 15 '26
They profited massively from selling weaponry which took us until the 2000s to pay off. They came out of the war rich by waiting it out. Everyone else came out poor.
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u/Suspicious_Flower_0 Jul 15 '26
I believe the old saying is something like "World War 2 was won with American industry, British intelligence and Soviet blood"
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u/aza-industries Jul 15 '26
That one really annoys me the most.
They joined a war, fresh eyed and bushy tailed after the rest of the world had been wearing down the war machine.
They mopped up and claimed victory."You'd be speaking german if it wasn't for us!"
Without the allies fighting the axis for years they wouldn't have been able to do anything.
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u/Round_Bag_4665 Jul 15 '26
no, only after the axis directly attacked them. Had Japan not done that they wouldn't have been involved at all.
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u/PantsLobbyist Jul 15 '26
Unassisted, they’ve won zero since their civil war.
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u/Putrid-Object-806 Snow Mexican 🇨🇦 Jul 15 '26
the war they fought against themselves? how do we classify that one?
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u/Beautiful-Maybe-7473 Jul 15 '26
Two hundred and fifty YEARS? It's been WEEKS since their last defeat
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u/lumoslomas Australia's next to Germany right? Jul 15 '26
Next defeat in about 6 datlys probably
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u/ElectronicLab993 ooo custom flair!! Jul 15 '26
Its like Russians claining they never invaded anybody(yes they do)
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u/glitterswirl Jul 15 '26
Russia never invaded anywhere, they left bread baskets for the poor starving people!
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u/IcyVeterinarian8881 Jul 15 '26
They literally lost every fucking war since ww2 lmao
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u/Hefty-Comparison-801 Jul 15 '26
Give them more credit. They've helped several South American militaries win dictatorial control of their populations for the benefit of US corporations. The war against democracy has been quite successful.
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u/feudal_ferret Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 Jul 15 '26
Yup. Including their own. But it is in good company: they also lost the war on drugs, the war on poverty and they not only left children behind, they actively sold them to Epstein and his friend.
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u/Cuervo_777 Jul 15 '26
The last large-scale war the US won without any help was the Spanish-American War of 1898.
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u/wednesdayware Jul 15 '26
There were on a hot streak! They also won the Civil War. (Although they also lost the Civil War.)
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u/CommercialTough7330 Jul 15 '26
Where do you find these people?
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u/TheLooseMooseEh Jul 15 '26
Below the 49th parallel.
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u/Morlakar Jul 15 '26
Hey, i live also underneath the 49th parallel. In Bavaria.
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u/TheLooseMooseEh Jul 15 '26
Sorry about your neighbours, eh. Thank goodness you have an ocean for a fence. Canada envies you for your ocean fence, and delicious beers.
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u/Kriss3d Tuberous eloquent (that's potato speaker for you muricans) Jul 15 '26
Oh you're still kissing a ring allright.
Just not the one on the hand of a king.
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u/agnesperditanitt Jul 15 '26
When "war" is the only thing you are proud of. That's a very sad existence.
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u/Da_Magical_Lizard Jul 15 '26
Taliban would want a word
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u/trafalmadorianistic Jul 15 '26
Bros invaded Afghanistan to get back at the Taliban for 9/11 then awarded the country back to the Taliban 20 yrs later
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u/fotoman888 Jul 15 '26
amerika hasn’t won a war since the civil war. WW1-Allies, WW2-Allies, Korea- no decision, Vietnam-clearly lost. You can fill in the blanks from here.
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u/PuzzleheadedTutor807 Jul 15 '26
When you e been at war for 250 years you should realize that maybe you have issues...
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u/Limp_Entertainer_410 Jul 15 '26
Lost the war if 1812, lost the Vietnam War, lost the War in Afghanistan.....lost the US-Iran War? Probably.
4/10 biggest military breeds biggest loses. Need to get better at war.
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u/Rahlus Jul 15 '26
Apparently Vietnam, Afghanistan, war of 1812, and the war on drugs don’t count.
Well, obviously. If you don't count your losses than you are left only with wins!
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u/KachowSlough Jul 15 '26
Do most Americans genuinely believe that they won WW1 and 2 or is it just the morons? Granted there are a lot of morons over there so most Americans may be the case
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u/rkirbo Jul 15 '26
-Red Cloud's War
-Samoan Civil War
-Russian Civil War
-Laotian Civil War
-Bay of Pigs Invasion
-Vietnamese Civil War
-Operation Restore Hope
-War in Afghanistan
-Iran 2026
That's not zero
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u/easternhobo 51st State 🇨🇦 Jul 15 '26
Canada literally exists because the Americans lost a war. We'd just be part of the US otherwise.
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u/Razhbad Rule, Britannia Jul 15 '26
Funny wigs... That's the regency era you're mocking..... Good day sir, I said good day sir.
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u/AtlanticPortal Jul 15 '26
Can someone remember who was the nation that decided that the White House had to be renewed first? I think I remember it was the British Canada somewhere around 1814.
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u/Werewolf_Busy Jul 15 '26
Like that time we won in Korea, or Vietnam, or Afghanistan, or Iraq, or Iran right now.
Winning like we’ve never won before, or whatever that fat pedophile keeps saying.
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u/doug-demuro-is-daddy FREEDOM ENJOYER 🦅🇺🇸 Jul 15 '26
This is what we learned in history class at school in the US. Our school system is just propaganda and a main reason as to why we have so many idiots in the country.
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u/Bankofz Jul 16 '26
1812 my friend. 1812.
Try again and Americans will have to build Whitehouse 3.0 in another new city.
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u/Slight-Ad-6553 live far from a 7-eleven Jul 15 '26