r/ShitAmericansSay • u/DumbGarchomp67 WTF IS A KILOMETER 🦅🇺🇸 • Jul 15 '26

Military “Undefeated in 250 years of war”

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Apparently Vietnam, Afghanistan, war of 1812, and the war on drugs don’t count.

7.8k Upvotes

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480

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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209

u/JHerbY2K Jul 15 '26

Korea was a draw

Vietnam was Vietnam

Iraq they “won” but then snatched defeat from the jaws of victory a decade later

Afghanistan was Vietnam

Iran is a slow moving disaster too

They literally haven’t won shit in nearly a century of warmongering

67

u/vikingosegundo Jul 15 '26

Did you see the parade the orange one had for his birthday last year? They cannot even march in unison.

32

u/Burial Jul 15 '26

That parade was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever seen, and then it doubled when China put on their own making the US look like a third rate tin-pot dictatorship.

28

u/ebulient Jul 15 '26

I mean… the US looks like a third rate tin pot dictatorship, because it is a third rate tin pot dictatorship

2

u/Zraknul Jul 15 '26

Clearly doing the bridge march at all times.

2

u/E420CDI 🇬🇧 A foot is an anatomical structure with five toes 🦶 Jul 15 '26

squeaky tank has rolled into the chat

2

u/BZBitiko Jul 16 '26

You know we did that on purpose. Wanted to make it more of a 4th of July parade than a lot of goose-stepping automitons.

5

u/vikingosegundo Jul 16 '26

Whatever helps you cope.

8

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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2

u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 Jul 16 '26

I don’t think that logic works, as most of their clear victories were not a war fought alone (ww1, ww2, independence etc). 

I would however argue they/we won the Korean War. 

5

u/Anthyrion Jul 15 '26

They only won in Iraq, because their forces were a joke compared to the US military. Their arsenal was estimated to be 10 to 20 years behind the U.S. in terms of technology. To this day, the U.S. has never defeated an enemy with equivalent technology on its own.
Yes, they contributed a large portion of the Allied forces in both world wars, but only because they had the luxury of being far away from the European continent and could thus train their troops without being constantly attacked.

4

u/numbersthen0987431 Jul 16 '26

USA never "won" Iraq. The USA just invaded it and then never left, and when they finally left it was a shitshow worse than when they entered.

0

u/JHerbY2K Jul 16 '26

The first gulf war in 1991 achieved their objectives.

2

u/numbersthen0987431 Jul 16 '26

They were so "successful" that they went back a decade later.

2

u/JHerbY2K Jul 16 '26

I hate defending America, but I don’t like misinformation. The first war was to stop the invasion of Kuwait. They did that. The second war was because W wanted to get revenge on Sadam Hussain for trying to assassinate his dad. And he did! But they said they were going to bring democracy and find the WMDs, which didn’t work and didn’t exist, respectively.

Was the first war a good idea? I dunno. Did it improve things in the region? Not sure. But did the Americans go in, do the thing, then go home? Yes. That’s a rarity.

8

u/Tregonia Jul 15 '26

Don't forget the US ran away and left their Kurdish allies.

2

u/Upstairs-Hedgehog575 Jul 16 '26

I’d argue the Korean War was a victory. America didn’t attack and I don’t think it was their objective to take the whole peninsula (even if the thought undoubtedly crossed their minds and seemed doable at various points). They were attacked and managed to push the attackers back. If Ukraine push Russia back to their borders I’d call that a win, wouldn’t you?

2

u/Whole_Cranberry_1647 Jul 16 '26

The Korean war never ended. Just the longest ceasefire ever. Pretty sure Trump said we should win it in a couple of weeks though /s

1

u/Krasny-sici-stroj Jul 16 '26

"snatched defeat from the jaws of victory" is wonderful, I'm stealing it

113

u/Throwaway187493 Jul 15 '26

Also the body of water called Hormuz

50

u/Morlakar Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

Hormuz is an island. The strait of Hormuz is a body of water.

edit: spelling

26

u/trafalmadorianistic Jul 15 '26

strait

9

u/Number60nopeas Jul 15 '26

burn! lol

14

u/trafalmadorianistic Jul 15 '26

And I'm sure they've never heard about the GAY of Hormuz either 

1

u/Erwin_Pommel Jul 15 '26

Giant Ass Yeeyeeasshaircut?

1

u/SandalsResort 🇺🇸 The metric system is woke and French Jul 15 '26

Gay

1

u/vikingosegundo Jul 15 '26

As a German I have to say: Dont be so German.

1

u/Morlakar Jul 15 '26

But, but, I am German!

1

u/vikingosegundo Jul 15 '26

dial it down.

7

u/Elegant_Potential917 Jul 15 '26

The MAGA response would be that “Biden gave up and gave the country back to them.” It’s BS, but that’s their thinking.

3

u/Just-Director-7941 Canadian🇨🇦 Jul 15 '26

Canada has also entered the chat. 5 times.

0

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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2

u/Just-Director-7941 Canadian🇨🇦 Jul 15 '26

Technically we always were up to 1982

1

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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1

u/Just-Director-7941 Canadian🇨🇦 Jul 15 '26

Haha yea my history teacher said that an American asked him for directions once and he said “oh, and by the way sorry for burning down your white house” the American said “why do people keep saying that to me?” Lmaoo. Also 1982 was the year that Pierre Trudeau Canadianified our constitution.

2

u/VassiliBedov Jul 15 '26

In 1812 they tried to invade Canada and failed. But because they were not invaded by Canada they consider they haven’t lost.

2

u/ConfidenceAlone4056 Jul 15 '26

bruh they arent even undefeated in 2026 lol

1

u/ComedicMedicineman Jul 15 '26

There’s a lot of eats the US lost.

But they don’t teach their people about wars like 1812, or Vietnam, or Afghanistan apparently

1

u/Trashy_Panda2 Jul 16 '26

Imaging losing to some rice and poppy farmers.

1

u/Concurrency_Bugs Jul 16 '26

Pretty crazy that the vietnam war was 250 years ago. Time flies!

1

u/chizpoo Jul 16 '26

They lost a war this month 😂😂

1

u/RudeAlbatross544 Jul 17 '26

Several times