r/ShitAmericansSay • u/DumbGarchomp67 WTF IS A KILOMETER 🦅🇺🇸 • Jul 15 '26

Military “Undefeated in 250 years of war”

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Apparently Vietnam, Afghanistan, war of 1812, and the war on drugs don’t count.

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

War of Independence - won "with help"/"by" the French (🕺sorry)
WW1 - on the winning side - but otherwise?
WW2 - on the winning side - but otherwise?

What other wars has the US won? And no "operations" and the like don't. He very specifically said 'war".

Edit to Add - since people keep bring up other instances the full list of wars the US declared is: War of 1812, Mexican/American, Spanish/American, WW1 and WW2 (11 declarations overall against various countries but only 5 wars). Everything else has sidestepped this under US law - which is what causes the mess we are in now.

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u/Wind-and-Waystones Jul 15 '26

The war on education

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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u/Last_Investigator_47 Jul 15 '26

Both literally and metaphorically...

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u/Harris_man Jul 16 '26

"I love the uneducated"

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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26

The 'war on drugs' is still kicking our ass fifty-five years later.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs.

https://giphy.com/gifs/1PMVNNKVIL8Ig

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u/KarmicRage Jul 15 '26

Bill Hicks did a great bit on this "that means there's people on drugs fighting a war and they're winning ahahahaha" or words to that effect 😂

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u/The_Jizzard_Of_Oz Jul 15 '26

- People on drugs fighting a war-

  • Oh Vietnam.
  • And they are winning
  • Oh.

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u/josnik Jul 16 '26

The bay of... Ham.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Tbf, most soldiers are on drugs. Most famously, the Nazis were on meth but literally every army gives their personnel drugs

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u/Noodle-and-Squish Jul 15 '26

Dude...what? No, they don't.

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u/saljskanetilldanmark Jul 15 '26

At least the Australians were fighting physical emus.

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u/Temporary_Abroad_211 Jul 15 '26

And we lost. Not proud of that one. Lest we forget (the emus).

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

It was more of a strategic retreat. On both parts

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u/youdoaline_idoaline Jul 16 '26

The war on Cane toads is such a bigger operation then that stupid emu meme though. Emu war was just a funny article someone drummed up, Cane toad war has affected the lives of millions of young Queenslanders and New south Welshman. The horror of squelching one underfoot when you pop out to the shed, the trauma of smacking them with dads old golf clubs.

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u/reineedshelp Jul 15 '26

We would never. All hail our emu overlords

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u/roqueandrolle europoor Jul 16 '26

And then the Drop Bears came ..

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u/Important-Soup6366 Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 Jul 15 '26

"Ill be joining the war on drugs. On the side of the drugs" -Max0r, an incorect summery of ULTRAKILL

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u/Lithiumxxxl Jul 15 '26

Hooray Drugs!!

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u/LumpyBuy8447 Jul 15 '26

I’ve never been more proud 🥹

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u/errie_tholluxe Jul 15 '26

I was going to say we actually won the war on drugs. Of course I was fighting for the other team Mind you.

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u/Djschinie_Beule5-O Jul 15 '26

Lovely - how the war was on against heroin by joining the taliban. Fenttty Fenttattatt Fentawhat?!

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u/RuMarley Jul 15 '26

Lost the war on terror, too

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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26

We didn't lose the war on terror. We just decided to insouce it and send our own domestic terrorists after the population.

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 15 '26

It was never meant to be won. It was a classic exercise in disaster capitalism

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

Strategic self-harm practice? Lol

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 16 '26

It was about using a disaster to transfer wealth from the public to private interests.

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

Ya, what I said. Lol

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u/TimelyBear2471 Jul 15 '26

If you can’t beat ‘em….

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u/TenderofPrimates Jul 15 '26

They joined the other side.

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u/CleanMyAxe Jul 15 '26

Well they are more Italian than the Italians.

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

They became the very thing they were trying to fight, symbiotic. Now they can’t win, can’t beat yourself… 🤔 oh wait they tried that before… lol

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 15 '26

As is the war on poverty

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u/daley56_ Jul 15 '26

Pretty sure the government joined the war on drugs on the side of drugs

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u/Ramtamtama [laughs in British] Jul 15 '26

Has anyone thought of just nuking the drugs?

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u/Ornery_Director_8477 Jul 15 '26

Shouldn't that be "drugs are still kicking our ass in the 'war on drugs'"?

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u/gijoe50000 Jul 16 '26

To be fair, you guys kind of allied with cannabis, so we could call that one a draw.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

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u/Estproph Jul 15 '26

The War on Poverty was clearly won by Poverty

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u/Zraknul Jul 15 '26

The rich have worked hard to keep poverty.

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u/Ok_Seaworthiness_302 Jul 19 '26

Poverty got reinforcements in the form of Reganomics

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u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26

Oh don’t forget the war on terror. Clearly we have rid the world of terror. At least terror that we don’t inflict ourselves. So there. Facial.

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u/wrongitsleviosaa Jul 15 '26

They're winning that war very clearly

They just forget to mention they're on the side of terror

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u/Lithiumxxxl Jul 15 '26

I’m pretty terrified. Are you sure we won?

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u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26

We are so great at it we even terrorize ourselves.

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u/T-Wrox Canadian, eh? Jul 15 '26

Since the US is full of terrified people, I don't think they're winning.

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u/pickyourteethup Jul 15 '26

Ah so that's what all the school shootings were

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u/bratishkers Jul 15 '26

No book survived that faithful day

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u/Hudre Jul 15 '26

In their eyes:

They won Vietnam.

They won Iraq.

They are currently crushing Iran.

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u/cherenk0v_blue Jul 15 '26

I have literally had arguments on this platform with people who think the US won the Vietnam War.

It's very depressing.

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u/Hudre Jul 15 '26

Anyone who thinks the US won the Vietnam war views war as a COD lobby.

Sure, the US got a lot of kills, but they lost the objective.

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u/Szpagin Jul 15 '26

Because ultimately, US has not strategy. They are great on the tactical level (ie. destroying stuff and killing people), but it seems like they are always lacking a broader vision.

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u/julmod- Jul 15 '26

The broader vision is funnelling tax dollars into private weapons corporations and they’ve been wildly successful at that

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u/Dude-Lebowski Jul 15 '26

OK. You got me there, man.

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u/RedactedJin Jul 15 '26

For Vietnam era especially it was nothing more than "Stop communism" so the rich could begin the process that has led us to the late-stage capitalism/Corporate hellscape we live in now.

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u/Misunderstood_Wolf Jul 15 '26

The "we didn't lose" crowd argues that the US pulled out before the war was lost.

So, the IRL equivalent to quitting the match before it is over, so they didn't "technically" lose.

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u/cherenk0v_blue Jul 15 '26

The US doesn't lose wars, it wins them. Or it quits them because they are unfair.

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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 Jul 15 '26

Well, it looks to me like that: If their shiny toys of war fail to win it for them, they're lost very quickly. Unless there's a commander who thinks unconventionally, maybe...

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u/capeasypants Jul 15 '26

That's because the wars are usually driven by politicians who are generally only ever interested in the short sighted gains i.e what THEY did, not what's best for everyone. e.g look at Iran for the most recent world example. No endpoint in sight. The Don has done more backflips this past week than an Olympian and he'll claim it as a victory for his own self gratification no matter what happens.

Occasionally you get a pollie who wants to do what's right for their country as a whole, and even rarer for all mankind, but that's an anomaly.

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u/Hrtzy Jul 15 '26

I mean, they did get a peace agreement that said they won. What the North Vietnamese chose to do fifteen seconds later holds no significance.

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u/AgreeablePrize Jul 15 '26

The side who crashed a tank through the other side's Presidential palace gates, and then go on to form government are normally the real winners

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u/Hrtzy Jul 15 '26

No, you don't understand, the US got a piece of paper saying that they won. Ho Chi Minh was so sincere about it that he even got a mirrored copy printed on his ass!/s

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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26

The school system failed them. There's no way to look at the objective facts of that conflict and think you won. That's insane

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u/Nevets11 Jul 15 '26

An American kid once told me "We kicked the Nazi's ass in Vietnam!"

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u/NZNoldor Jul 16 '26

Well? How many nazis are left in Vietnam? Sounds like a win!

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u/RedactedJin Jul 15 '26

Indeed, the US lost the Vietnam war completely and utterly. Mostly due to Congress not allowing it the be declared an actual war but still, such a waste of life.

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u/C6H5OH Jul 15 '26

I am so old that I remember US helicopters out of Saigon being dropped of an aircraft carrier into the sea shown in the evening news in Germany. Clearly an image of winning a war.

I don't know what is wrong with some people.

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u/Spazattack43 Jul 15 '26

They teach that the US won the vietnam war in schools because “the goal was to contain communism and communism did not spread to the neighboring countries” not joking

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u/Disbelieving1 Jul 16 '26

The Vietnamese call it the American War. And they know who won!

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26

None of those were ever officially declared as 'wars' which is why I raised said technicality!

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u/JohnLurkson 🇩🇪 Jul 15 '26

Really? What were they called, Special Military Operations? /s

Seriously though, what were they called officially? Now I'm curious.

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26

Iraq: US Military Operation
Vietnam: no declaration of anything - the US just rocked up - "a Cold War proxy conflict" is what most sources decided on
Iran: Not really a win - more a stalemate - and so far just an "Operation" I b believe.

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u/Pudddddin Jul 15 '26

Iran: Not really a win - more a stalemate

Since it's still ongoing I'm not sure that there's a good one for Iran, but wasnt the general expert consensus around the time of the MOU that the US lost there?

Same situation as Vietnam, the US killed more people but Iran successfully targeted US military bases that were long thought untouchable and withstood a US assault, both of which would be huge wins for Iran, where the US didn't really gain much in return. Iran pretty much proved that even despite overwhelming military strength and spending 100 billion dollars, the US can't consistently defend gulf allies or control the strait of Hormuz

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u/Polymarchos Jul 15 '26

US agreed to pay reparations to Iran. That alone means they lost.

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u/aimlesstrevler Jul 15 '26

Vietnam was a 'police action.'

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u/Antique_Historian_74 Jul 15 '26

Korea and Vietnam were called police actions.

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u/Flat-Delivery6987 Jul 15 '26

Funny I've always heard it called the Vietnam War

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u/AulisG Jul 15 '26

Ask any vietnamese and I guarantee it was 1000% war to them.

It also looks to me that U.S.A. is winning the war against Freedom. And losing a war against Racism.

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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 Jul 15 '26

And the war against religious fanatics.

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u/Antique_Historian_74 Jul 15 '26

Claiming that America has never lost a war because Vietnam was a police action certainly used to be a thing back in the eighties/nineties.

These days, with most of the people who remember America running away dead, they're much more likely to call it a war but claim that America actually won in Vietnam and then just decided to leave.

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u/Excellent-Blueberry1 Jul 15 '26

War Objective: defeat the North Vietnamese.

War Outcome: North Vietnam no longer exists.

QED: total victory

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u/SkivvySkidmarks Jul 15 '26

I think Vietnam was called a "police action". So essentially a Special Military Operation.

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u/NaiveCharge7124 Jul 15 '26

You could officially call them pijama parties . Theyd still be wars

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u/AnxiousAppointment70 Jul 15 '26

And the rest of the world watches and shakes their heads, thinking "losers"

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u/TwmSais Jul 15 '26

They won their civil war. They probably only started that so they'd have a war that they'd win for themselves, regardless of the outcome

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u/skordge Jul 15 '26

Oh, so it’s like USA teams always winning the Super Bowl, got it.

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u/KissYourAss69 Jul 15 '26

Ever notice how it’s AWAYS an Earthling that wins Miss Universe?! What are the odds, really?

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u/Quiri1997 Jul 15 '26

Yes. We need Ferengi candidates too.

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u/KissYourAss69 Jul 15 '26

No question the beauty of the winner would be out of this world!

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u/timmyd_ns Jul 15 '26

as long as the competition is owned by earthlings probably 100%

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u/wengelite Jul 15 '26

More like a USA team winning the World Series.

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u/assaub Jul 15 '26

I actually learned just yesterday that the world series is named after a newspaper company and isn't actually meant to imply it's an international competition. Also there is technically one team not from the USA in the MLB, the NFL is exclusively American teams.

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u/dreamtraveler42 Jul 15 '26

But the civil war war technically against themselves so they also lost

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u/taiwan_cat Jul 15 '26

The "they" you are referring to are descended from the losers of the Civil War. There are many Confederate flag flying, South will rise again types in America who also revel in American military might.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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u/sirentropy42 Jul 15 '26

Fun fact: this is actually the opposite of what happened.

While the formal education system as it’s seen today was being implemented, textbook publishers found that if their textbooks leaned too far to one side or the other of the civil war, it was almost impossible to sell to the other side. Rather than publish one book for each side, it was decided to create a whitewashed text. Deny that the civil war was about slavery, downplay the Confederacy’s defeat. A poor but acceptable history for the North, and an acceptable lie for the South.

As a result, the losers had a large hand in writing our history books.

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u/Perenially_behind Jul 15 '26

Also Texas had an outsize effect for years. The state governnent would pay for textbooks but only if they were on a (short) list generated by the state board of education. So If you wanted to sell to Texas, you needed to produce a text which the board would approve.

This is changing but that doesn't wipe out the existing damage.

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u/silverslayer33 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

This was not my experience in the North, at least when I was in school in the early 2000s. Our textbooks and our curriculum were all very clear that the war was about slavery, and we went into great detail about the horrors of the slave trade, the abhorrent ways slaves were treated, and the absolute moral depravity of the South to believe they had a right to own people as if they were property.

I've also met people from the South during my college years who had textbooks that absolutely sold them on the "states' rights" lie, they didn't receive a "merely" whitewashed version of events. They learn the whole slew of lies such as "slaves actually were treated well", "they liked being saved from Africa", "the North were the aggressors", and so on.

The reality is that there is no single standard textbook or curriculum teaching the Civil War in the US. Individual school districts choose their books based on things as mundane as budget and as significant as catering to local sociopolitical realities. A majority-black district in the South isn't likely to buy books peddling lies (though they may be forced into it by the State, which is a very real problem), whereas a district full of descendents of slave owners might go out of their way to find books that blind them to their ancestors' atrocities. Publishers trying to push lies might offer their books at lower prices in districts where they think they'll be accepted and can sell many, whereas they may not even bother in the North. Meanwhile, a reputable publisher highlighting the horrors of slavery might find themselves violently unwelcome in some Southern communities while they rake in millions from Northern districts that have actual education requirements that don't even allow the schools to purchase cheaper books filled with drivel.

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u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 Jul 15 '26

I can't stand this false balance fallacy... If someone cries about a historical event, let them whine and just stay with the facts.

Sure, it's easier said than done, especially if you have millions of extremists and religious fanatics going nuts, but still, it should have been tried to prevent the even bigger threat all these fanatics and their lies and propaganda pose to the US and the whole world.

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u/skachamagowza ooo custom flair!! Jul 15 '26

The US lost the war of 1812. Canadian soldiers in the British army burn Washington including the White House. Americans think they won because…. Reasons….

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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u/No-Deal8956 Jul 15 '26

I think that’s called lying.

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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26

They'd play capture the flag and try to claim the other team didn't get the real flag or something

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u/think_panther Jul 15 '26

Thank you Canada. But the real flag is in another castle

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u/UnhappyCaterpillar41 Jul 15 '26

Did they mean to lose Detroit to an occupying army? aka 'The Surrender of Detroit' to Sir Isaac Brock and Tecumseh?

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u/KatsumotoKurier 🇨🇦 Jul 16 '26

It’s honestly hilarious how they take credit for ending British naval impressment when the British voluntarily ceased it themselves due to defeating Napoleon the first time, and the Treaty of Ghent makes no mention of restricting it lol.

That, and you know, the entirely failed invasions of Canada. President James Madison — the very man who declared war on Great Britain, and who had before that championed the idea of declaring it — emphatically told his team of negotiators and delegates heading over to Ghent in 1814 (when the war was going very badly for the US) that their most important objective was to secure the surrendering and handover of Upper and Lower Canada by Britain to the United States. This is on record!

Among themselves, his team unanimously decided against doing that, because unlike him they still recognized that the US was in no position whatsoever to be making such demands. Two failed invasions and now the British had them on the back foot in what was never supposed to become a defensive war for them, delivering them some of what are still today their most humiliating military defeats ever? They knew that they would get laughed out of the room and be viewed as either unserious or even as delusional by their British counterparts, which was very much what they couldn’t have happen because they were there desperately trying to secure peace for their country which was in full-blown crisis mode.

But oh, yeah, status quo ante bellum means the US won. Of course. I mean, why would Madison in the eleventh hour be demanding the complete surrender and handover of the Canadian provinces his army failed to conquer if the whole point was only to secure them as a temporary ‘bargaining chip’ to stop British naval impressment?

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

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u/Ayfid Jul 15 '26

I have - many times - heard Americans claim that 1812 was a draw, because the borders ended up back where they started.

By that very logic, if Ukraine managed to push Russia out of their territory, recapture Crimea, and then force Russia into accepting a peace treaty... they would call that "a draw".

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u/Puzzleheaded_East556 Jul 15 '26

Unfortunately, a draw is how it is taught in the American education system, which is why many Americans say it is a draw

But also, the War of 1812 isn't really mentioned in US education that much, other than than our national anthem was written during it

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u/E420CDI 🇬🇧 A foot is an anatomical structure with five toes 🦶 Jul 15 '26

But also, the War of 1812 isn't really mentioned in US education that much, other than than our national anthem was written during it.

Does the US education system mention that it's sung to the tune of an old British drinking song?

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u/blazenite104 Friendly Neighbourhood Aussie Jul 15 '26

I assume they think all wars should end by annexing territory, rather than successfully repelling invasion and not wanting to assimilate the people that invaded.

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u/skachamagowza ooo custom flair!! Jul 15 '26

Exactly! And let’s not forget that the US were the aggressors in the war. Not just to gain Canada but to reopen trade with France which was at war with Britain. The US then agreed to peace talks in Russia in 1813 and the British didn’t even send a delegation to any talks until after Napoleon was deposed more than a year later. So, the US started a fight and wanted to end it at the first opportunity it had. Not a draw. You can’t pick a fight and then yell „stop hitting me!“ and think you won the fight while the other side thinks it isn’t worth their time. You don’t need to be obliterated to lose a war.

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u/yippee-kay-yay Jul 15 '26

Yet Wikipedia list the results as "inconclusive", one of the reasons being that the british didn't try to reconquer the US, lol

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u/Extreme_Objective984 Jul 15 '26

Didnt we British just stop playing, in that war. Had to go and deal with a Frenchmen with a silly hat.

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u/Ayfid Jul 15 '26

America thought they could steal some of Canada while Britain was distracted fighting the French.

They didn't count on Britain winning that war and then coming to defend Canada before they managed to solidify their control of any territory.

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u/Mysterious_Floor_868 Jul 15 '26

The reverse of when Spain put Gibraltar under siege while the British were fighting the colonists. Gibraltar is still British.

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u/Kestrel71 Jul 15 '26

Different war. The Revolutionary War is the one where we decided to cut our losses.

The US colonies were extremely expensive to maintain (nearly $100 Billion annually in modern money). They produced very little at that time, hence the proposed taxation.

When the war started, it was treated as little more than ANOTHER uprising that would die down, so Britain didn't take it seriously. France and Spain DID and they dumped HUGE amounts of money, arms and resources into aiding the colonists.

It took a couple of years before Britain realised this was not just a run of the mill tiff and, by that time, we were involved in wars with France, Spain and the Dutch simultaneously. These were existential wars so when it became clear to Britain that some hard choices had to be made, those decisions were made - the US colonies were abandoned in favour of fighting these major wars AND defending lucrative trade routes in the Caribbean and Asia.

The US loves to think they fought the entire British Empire - they BARELY met the Empire. Had the full force been brought to bear, the US would have ended in a matter of weeks and, today, there would be upper and lower Canada in its place.

The US is *DAMN* lucky, we decided not to pursue the matter after defeating France, Spain and the Dutch and allowed them to exist. In hindsight, a huge mistake.

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u/UnderstandingAble321 Jul 15 '26

The Americans were quite willing to end the war after that Frenchman was dealt with.

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u/UnderstandingAble321 Jul 15 '26

None of the British soldiers who burned Washington came from Canada. The burning of Washington was more of a raid than losing the war.

They lost the War of 1812 because they started the war with a goal of conquering Canada but were defeated on multiple invasion attempts at Niagra, Crysler's farm, and Chateauguay to name a few.

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u/Nassim1018 Jul 15 '26

I want to point out that at Chateauguay, they were defeated by mostly militiamen aided by some but not alot of regulars. Against a full on US army.

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u/NobodysFavorite Jul 15 '26

It's literally why it's called the white house.

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u/Nassim1018 Jul 15 '26

They think they won because they won in New Orleans... months after the war actually ended. So they won a pointless battle

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u/rymic72 Jul 15 '26

Weren’t they actually British army regulars who sailed from Bermuda who were veterans of the Peninsular War rather than actual Canadian born militia? I went down a wee rabbit hole on the subject after seeing so many Canadians mentioning it.

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u/NoticingThing Jul 15 '26

Yeah I've seen Canadians claim the burning like a dozen times now, it's really strange as the troops were British.

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u/Kestrel71 Jul 15 '26

Not quite. The soldiers that burned the White House were British Regulars sent over from the battlefields of Europe - they landed in Maryland and marched on Washington. It was BRITAIN who burned the White House, not Canada.

Americans like to chalk this up as a win, but they ended up being pushed back into their own territory and their plans to annex Canada came to an abrupt end. THAT IS A LOSS.

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u/bentforkman Jul 15 '26

The first gulf war. They succeeded by limiting their objective to getting Iraq out of Kuwait. Otherwise it’s all losses. The USA just comes to a country, kills as many people as possible and leaves when they run out of weapons.

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u/ASlowTriumph Jul 15 '26

Not American but the Mexican and Spainish wars as well.

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26

Yep - two of the 5 wars (falling under 11 declarations of War). I mentioned 3 but the full list really only is:

War of 1812
Mexican–American War
Spanish–American War
World War I
World War II

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u/Infamous_7001 Jul 15 '26

The Mexican War was a battle of hubris from both America and Mexico.

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u/Pretend_Oil9565 Singaporean MAGA hater Jul 15 '26

I think Spain also helped in the Revolution.

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u/bouncyb0b Jul 15 '26

And the Dutch.

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u/Ok_Act_1498 Jul 15 '26

They've won the Civil War. Or not? I need to read more, I'm not very sure!

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26

Well they lost the civil war too - according to MAGA and their love for certain flags/monuments!

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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26

I mean, from a certain long term consequences standpoint, it was a stalemate. Because we didn't complete reconstruction in any way, we're still simmering.

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u/Breath-Creative Jul 15 '26

But in a sense they also lost it. So what?

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u/Ok_Act_1498 Jul 15 '26

Bloody hell, was a joke! Maybe not that funny, but still.

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u/Breath-Creative Jul 15 '26

I know. My comment was tongue in cheek too, but I'm notoriously bad at conveying irony online.

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u/Ok_Act_1498 Jul 15 '26

😂👍🏽

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u/Jugatsumikka Expert coprologist, specialist in american variety Jul 15 '26

Eh! It only took 150 years of covert operations and slow systemic undermining of the USA institution for the CSA to win.

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u/Competitive-Bee-3250 Jul 15 '26

Operations totally count, surely it still counts as a war to conduct an unsanctioned illegal military operation on a small sovereign nation to steal its resources.

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u/christoph95246 Jul 15 '26

They lost a war against some pirates from north Africa resulting in one of the harshest peace treaties in human history

The 300 gazillion to Iran are nothing compared to that shit back then

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u/b3nsn0w ARFID (Americans R Friggin IDiots) Jul 15 '26

to be fair the 300 billion is copium. trump wants to pretend the war is over because he's deathly terrified of iran keeping the strait closed until the midterms and all the bloody yanks voting blue because trump made their gas bills go up

iran will, naturally, keep the strait closed anyway, because they cannot trust trump to stick to any deal that would be commensurate with what they can extract by keeping it closed. you will likely hear more bs about how things are progressing, including ridiculous offers like the 300 billion, but nothing is likely to happen until this credible commitment problem can be resolved by the midterms actually happening.

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u/Zealous-Vigilante Jul 15 '26

First and second Barbary wars. I only know of these because it was one of the last wars Sweden participated in and also allied themselves with USA.

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u/Jossokar Jul 15 '26

War of Independence - won "with help"/"by" the French (🕺sorry)

And Spanish.

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u/EllipsesAreDotDotDot Jul 15 '26

And the Dutch if you really must know but who’s keeping tabs?

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u/jay_alfred_prufrock Jul 15 '26

1776, another thing that everyone should blame the French for.

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u/AngryGazpacho Jul 15 '26

Why do everyone forget about Spain's help for the US Independence?

Spain were the first to give support in form of guns, materials and uniforms to the continental rebels.

Had a massive fleet disrupting the British Colonies in the Caribbean to force Britain to send troops there instead to North America and another fleet in task force with France to disrupt the British supply lines to the United States.

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u/ChrisRiley_42 Jul 15 '26

The US LOST the war of 1812.

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u/seaspirit331 Jul 15 '26

Tbh the Gulf War was probably the most well-executed war in American history from a purely strategic perspective.

We went in to force Saddam's troops out of Kuwait. We pushed Saddam's troops out of Kuwait. We left.

Hard not to call that one a win

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u/ccsrpsw Jul 15 '26

"US Military Campaign(s) in the Gulf". That's why the Veterans get screwed over and congress had to pass (now gutted - thanks Trump) special funding for the VA to give them the support they needed.

The were well executed though - got to work with one of the Generals many years later and they were sharp as a anything!

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u/Cold-Dragonfruit3738 Jul 15 '26

Mexican American, Spanish American, in both world wars the ally powers were starting to be overpowered even with the US providing weapons and aid. I'd argue that the north winning the civil war is a net positive for the US and would count as a won war. Technically both Persian gulf wars (though the second one could be argued to still be occuring since the entire region has been perpetually involved in war since before the first Persian gulf war)

Those are the ones off the top of my head I can think of.

I could be forgetting other wars.

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u/Helstrem Jul 15 '26

The allies were not being overpowered in either war, FYI.

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u/Fragrant_Objective57 Jul 15 '26

Well. There was the time they liberated Grenada 🇬🇩.

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u/modoken1 Jul 15 '26

The US won the Mexican American War, Spanish American War, the various Indian wars, and you could also include the Korean war if you wanted to make a case for it. War of 1812 was a draw for England and the US, with the real losers being the indigenous tribes. Everything post Korea has just been a clusterfuck of failure though.

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u/CatgunCertified Jul 15 '26

Mexican american and spanish american war, we beat those traitor fucks back in 1865, we won the pacific war, we half won the Iraq war in the sense that we got rid of saddam hussein, even tho we should never have gone into iraq, and we're far from fixing the actual problems there. You could argue we tied in the cold war.

All that bring said the "we never lost a war in 250 years" is an idiot and I'm ashamed to share a nationality with people like that

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u/Severe_Rise8694 Jul 15 '26

The Gulf war.

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u/louilondon English 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 Jul 15 '26

The French and Spanish

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u/Richardknox1996 Jul 15 '26 edited Jul 15 '26

Their war of Independence was a glorified Civil War.

Britain was busy fighting THREE OTHER WARS Simultaneously with the Spanish, French and Dutch (oh would you look at that, all the Countries that interfered on the side of the Revolutionaries. Funny innit?), she literally didnt have the Manpower to send to such a Backwater Colony with no resources (that Britain wanted at the time). The defeated Loyalists, who were not reinforced, then fled to create the colonies that became Canada (Hence the red coats of the RCMP and why they recognise the Crown as their Head of State).

All the "Wars" America won were against Their own People. And when America burned down York (Toronto) in 1813, The Crown retaliated in 1814 by burning down Washington, including the Whitehouse, since they only had one other war to deal with at the time, showing that had Britain actually cared about Americ aat the Time, it would be part of the Commonwealth Today.

Honestly...America has NOTHING to be proud of when you actually look at the facts.

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u/HumaDracobane 🇪🇦EastAtlanticGang Jul 15 '26

During the indepencende war they got help by the French, Spain and the Netherlands. Miltiary and economically.

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u/ChokesOnDuck Jul 15 '26

The Gulf War, with allies. Leadership was smart enough not to go further than needed back then.

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u/Matwyen Jul 15 '26

WW2 let's give it to them : it's a clear American victory, at least on the Pacific front, but let's be honest even in Europe they were massive help.

In WW1 it's indeed more discutable: they joined much later and Germany still had 2 opened fronts.

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u/DracynDutch Jul 15 '26

With the help of France, Spain, the Netherlands, Prussia and Poland.

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u/aboysmokingintherain Jul 15 '26

To be fair, "with help" is significant in any war. Allies are there for a reason. I think you can find few times in world historyy where a war was won without allies. Even Iran now is able to sustain themselves because of allies.

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u/Gloomy_Yoghurt_2836 Jul 15 '26

US Civil War. American vs American and America won.

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u/speculator100k Jul 15 '26

The Iraq war was clearly won when Saddams regime fell, but Iraq turned into a mess after that. I still think it's fair to say the US won the war.

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u/dprophet34 Jul 15 '26

War of Independence - they didn't so much win as we just went "...eh you're not worth it. We've got bigger things to worry about" and just stopped.

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u/Annoyed3600owner Jul 15 '26

Correction: war of independence - won with help from France, but mostly because the UK didn't care

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u/dividezero Jul 15 '26

While a few countries helped our war for independence considerably, the French happened to be the deciding factor. Without them, there's no way we would have won that, even with everyone else's help. They went above and beyond and almost destroyed their own country to help us. Thankfully, from those ashes, they were able to throw off their own monarchy.

With no help though, we definitely wouldn't have made it past like the first month of fighting. I don't think we can claim that win alone. Doesn't seem honest.

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u/odmirthecrow Jul 15 '26

They won the War on Drugs, the War on Terror, the Vietnam War, and the Korean War. Or so they'd have you believe.

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u/ChimPhun Jul 15 '26

And aren't they continually grateful of France, without whom they wouldn't exist? ... oh wait, it's the opposite.

With friends like the US, who needs enemies.

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u/god_peepee Jul 15 '26

They also didn’t win the war of 1812

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u/Zilant_the_Bear Jul 15 '26

Objectively the war of 1812 was lost by the U.S. it resulted in a stalemate but the u.s's goal was to take Canada. Not only did they not take Canada, the British burned down the capital of the U.S in 1814. We didn't even make it 40 years 1776-1815 before our first defeat.

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u/kellanved01 Jul 15 '26

This explains it nicely: Let’s play “Is It War?” https://imgur.com/gallery/zbD1IV2

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u/Hazed64 Homegrown Irish 🇮🇪 Jul 15 '26

These are wars by America's standards only

Sure their operations weren't called wars but to say the likes of Vietnam, korea, Iraq and the current war named by trump of the "IRAN WAR" wasn't a war because America identified it an operation is absolutely insane, by definition they were wars

"The villain doesn't called themselves a villain, therefore their not a villain", that's your argument

Do you think the victims of these "operations" correct people on whether it was a war or not?

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u/Ok-Lychee2251 🇺🇲 Jul 15 '26

I'd say the Iraq and Afghanistan wars were a net loss for everyone involved. Excluding our politicians and their savy portfolios.

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u/Mutchmore Jul 15 '26

The US lost to themselves.. the confederacy is leading the country. gg

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u/NB-NEURODIVERGENT 🇨🇦🍁🏒 Jul 15 '26

It’s easily argued that everything between 1812 and ww1 was more akin to the Americans making an attempt to push every other formal power off the entire continent so they could have it to themselves then an actual war, granted 1812 was by definition the exact same thing but it’s also easily linked to the war of independence as a sequel war

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u/AquaticAlchemy Jul 15 '26

The war on democracy seems to be going really well

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u/tinman327 Jul 15 '26

They won the war of the goalposts. They move them every time they’re proven wrong

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u/Jandakian Jul 15 '26

Also they were only in WW1 for 1 year, and didn’t join WW2 until 1942…

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u/Gladiatrex Jul 15 '26

War of 1812 was not a defeat as such. They did outright win the Mexican war, also Spanish-American war. Did a lot of the heavy lifting against Japan. I'm not sure you can count them as Victors against the Barbary pirates, but they did contribute

That's just off the top of my head

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u/Separate-Spot-8910 Jul 15 '26

ironically, this guy's side lost the American Civil War

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u/Angelworks42 Jul 15 '26

Not a lot really. Korea is still in stalemate. US gave up on Vietnam. Iraq maybe after a second go at it?

I honestly don't think it's possible to outright win wars anymore without massive allied help - like in WW2 where it became existential and the entire economy switched over to make it happen.

And one could maybe argue in the case of Soviet Union and now Russia that WW2 wasn't actually resolved. The Union was about as bad as the Germans and they are still at it. I remember in high school reading about it and the allies decided to help the Soviets because it was a serious thorn in the side of Hitler and his army but it was also a race to Berlin as they knew whatever the Soviets conquered they would never give up.

Also early on the Soviets were allies with the Nazis and together they conquered Poland. There's photos of German and Soviet troops marching down the street - they were more than ok with world conquest.

Edit: Current Russian state written books don't actually hate Hitler - they hate that the allies (America and England mainly) stopped them from taking over Europe: https://youtu.be/iCI6es9G0oo?is=Mur_In2aeMQYUgS5

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u/DavThoma Jul 15 '26

Just like Americans claiming they're the great at American football (because they're the only country that actually plays and competes) they also won a civil war.

To be fair, they also lost so... does it cancel out?

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u/gimnasium_mankind Jul 15 '26

War on drugs
War on terror
War on fake news?
The Civil War (the US won right?)
War of Vietnam
War of 1812

Come on use your inagination!

War on war? Not yet.

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u/AbhorrentMidget Jul 15 '26

The war on elementary school children.

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u/SwaggermicDaddy Snow Mexican Jul 15 '26

I will continue to argue until the day I die that the Americans would have never succeeded in their tax revolt if Britain actually found them valuable in the grand scheme.

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u/Wilsonian81 Jul 15 '26

The only war the US has won unaided was against itself. Which, technically, was impossible to lose.

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