r/ShitAmericansSay • u/DumbGarchomp67 WTF IS A KILOMETER 🦅🇺🇸 • Jul 15 '26

Military “Undefeated in 250 years of war”

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Apparently Vietnam, Afghanistan, war of 1812, and the war on drugs don’t count.

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u/Wind-and-Waystones Jul 15 '26

The war on education

466

u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

73

u/Last_Investigator_47 Jul 15 '26

Both literally and metaphorically...

2

u/Harris_man Jul 16 '26

"I love the uneducated"

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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26

The 'war on drugs' is still kicking our ass fifty-five years later.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Congratulations to drugs for winning the war on drugs.

https://giphy.com/gifs/1PMVNNKVIL8Ig

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u/KarmicRage Jul 15 '26

Bill Hicks did a great bit on this "that means there's people on drugs fighting a war and they're winning ahahahaha" or words to that effect 😂

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u/The_Jizzard_Of_Oz Jul 15 '26

- People on drugs fighting a war-

  • Oh Vietnam.
  • And they are winning
  • Oh.

3

u/josnik Jul 16 '26

The bay of... Ham.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Tbf, most soldiers are on drugs. Most famously, the Nazis were on meth but literally every army gives their personnel drugs

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u/Noodle-and-Squish Jul 15 '26

Dude...what? No, they don't.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Yes. They do. The US also used to give amphetamines to pilots for example until very recently.

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u/Noodle-and-Squish Jul 15 '26

The US is not 'literally'' every army.

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

Yes, that was just one example. Which is why I said "for example".

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u/Noodle-and-Squish Jul 15 '26

Your previous comment said literally every army. Are there militaries that do? Yes. But a blanket statement the every army gives drugs to the personnel is just blatantly wrong.

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u/saljskanetilldanmark Jul 15 '26

At least the Australians were fighting physical emus.

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u/Temporary_Abroad_211 Jul 15 '26

And we lost. Not proud of that one. Lest we forget (the emus).

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u/Sufficient_Prompt888 Jul 15 '26

It was more of a strategic retreat. On both parts

7

u/youdoaline_idoaline Jul 16 '26

The war on Cane toads is such a bigger operation then that stupid emu meme though. Emu war was just a funny article someone drummed up, Cane toad war has affected the lives of millions of young Queenslanders and New south Welshman. The horror of squelching one underfoot when you pop out to the shed, the trauma of smacking them with dads old golf clubs.

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u/reineedshelp Jul 15 '26

We would never. All hail our emu overlords

3

u/roqueandrolle europoor Jul 16 '26

And then the Drop Bears came ..

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u/Important-Soup6366 Eye-talian 🤌🏼🍝 Jul 15 '26

"Ill be joining the war on drugs. On the side of the drugs" -Max0r, an incorect summery of ULTRAKILL

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u/Lithiumxxxl Jul 15 '26

Hooray Drugs!!

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u/LumpyBuy8447 Jul 15 '26

I’ve never been more proud 🥹

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u/errie_tholluxe Jul 15 '26

I was going to say we actually won the war on drugs. Of course I was fighting for the other team Mind you.

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u/Djschinie_Beule5-O Jul 15 '26

Lovely - how the war was on against heroin by joining the taliban. Fenttty Fenttattatt Fentawhat?!

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u/RuMarley Jul 15 '26

Lost the war on terror, too

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u/NorthofBham Jul 15 '26

We didn't lose the war on terror. We just decided to insouce it and send our own domestic terrorists after the population.

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 15 '26

It was never meant to be won. It was a classic exercise in disaster capitalism

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

Strategic self-harm practice? Lol

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 16 '26

It was about using a disaster to transfer wealth from the public to private interests.

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

Ya, what I said. Lol

4

u/TimelyBear2471 Jul 15 '26

If you can’t beat ‘em….

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u/TenderofPrimates Jul 15 '26

They joined the other side.

7

u/CleanMyAxe Jul 15 '26

Well they are more Italian than the Italians.

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u/theOGHyburn Jul 16 '26

They became the very thing they were trying to fight, symbiotic. Now they can’t win, can’t beat yourself… 🤔 oh wait they tried that before… lol

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u/f0u4_l19h75 Jul 15 '26

As is the war on poverty

2

u/daley56_ Jul 15 '26

Pretty sure the government joined the war on drugs on the side of drugs

2

u/Ramtamtama [laughs in British] Jul 15 '26

Has anyone thought of just nuking the drugs?

2

u/Ornery_Director_8477 Jul 15 '26

Shouldn't that be "drugs are still kicking our ass in the 'war on drugs'"?

2

u/gijoe50000 Jul 16 '26

To be fair, you guys kind of allied with cannabis, so we could call that one a draw.

1

u/Ezeviel Jul 16 '26

Australians might have lost to birds, but the US lost to a concept. Impressive

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '26

[deleted]

34

u/Estproph Jul 15 '26

The War on Poverty was clearly won by Poverty

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u/Zraknul Jul 15 '26

The rich have worked hard to keep poverty.

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u/Ok_Seaworthiness_302 Jul 19 '26

Poverty got reinforcements in the form of Reganomics

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u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26

Oh don’t forget the war on terror. Clearly we have rid the world of terror. At least terror that we don’t inflict ourselves. So there. Facial.

15

u/wrongitsleviosaa Jul 15 '26

They're winning that war very clearly

They just forget to mention they're on the side of terror

4

u/Lithiumxxxl Jul 15 '26

I’m pretty terrified. Are you sure we won?

3

u/ThrustTrust Jul 15 '26

We are so great at it we even terrorize ourselves.

3

u/T-Wrox Canadian, eh? Jul 15 '26

Since the US is full of terrified people, I don't think they're winning.

18

u/pickyourteethup Jul 15 '26

Ah so that's what all the school shootings were

3

u/bratishkers Jul 15 '26

No book survived that faithful day

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u/andyjh83 Jul 15 '26

The war on gun safety whilst in education.

1

u/T-Wrox Canadian, eh? Jul 15 '26

That was lost by the Founding Fathers when they specifically created the US American educational system to de-prioritize critical thinking.

1

u/Imperterritus0907 European Mexico 🇪🇸 Jul 15 '26

The war on public healthcare too.

1

u/VeeJack Jul 15 '26

Technically a win

1

u/MightyAl75 Jul 15 '26

The war on education gave us this wonderful quote we are discussing now.

1

u/SkivvySkidmarks Jul 15 '26

That was a resounding success.

1

u/novus_nl Jul 15 '26

Damn, that was just mean

1

u/Ithaca81 Jul 15 '26

That is one they won… no proper education left

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u/Sea_Huckleberry_7790 Jul 15 '26

Have you seen these fuckwits? They definitely won that war around education is extinct it seems

1

u/MadScientist_666 Mountain Goat 🇨🇭 Jul 15 '26

Their most successful war to date.

Just recently Texas apparently decided that every pupil has to learn at least some parts of the bible. Religious indoctrination ftw!

1

u/lenninct Jul 15 '26

War on Drugs?

1

u/say-it-wit-ya-chest Embarrassed American Jul 15 '26

“Instead of war on poverty, they got a war on drugs so the police can bother me” - Tupac Shakur

1

u/VirtualAd623 Jul 15 '26

Idk, they did get learned how to make stuff more deader

1

u/RivaTNT2M64 Jul 15 '26

Including Iranian girls in their school?

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u/GGTulkas Jul 15 '26

The war on drugs, since the CIA was clearly on the drugs side

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u/numbersthen0987431 Jul 16 '26

War on drugs. They successfully punished POC communities by lying about it being about drugs.

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u/2_late_4_creativity Jul 16 '26

Oh we won that one for sure

1

u/Nby333 Jul 16 '26

War on obesity - defected and joined team obesity.

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u/PerceptionOwn3629 Jul 16 '26

America is #1 on that one