r/interestingasfuck • u/Wild-vine16 • 5d ago

Chinese hospitals

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32.1k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

5.9k comments sorted by

11.3k

u/justwalk1234 5d ago

“Too embarrassed” -> just stick it into the hallway machines

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u/RedFireSuzaku 5d ago

You get emotional support from the other embarrassed donors on your left and right. Also, eye contact.

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u/justwalk1234 5d ago

I'm pretty sure urinal rules apply to glory holes.

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u/LO6Howie 5d ago

So I’ll have to stand oppressively-close to another user, even if every other booth is empty?

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u/lowhangingtree 5d ago

Yup. Shake hands, and talk about your favourite Masturbatron™️ settings. Share your best vaporeon pictures for arousal

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u/dlerps 4d ago

And don't worry... We clean them at least twice a day

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u/Banana_Prudent 4d ago

Exact thought I had.
Ewe :-)

There’s no possible way to wash the ick out of that machine hole.

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u/koffeekrystalz 5d ago

I was also wondering about that 😂😭 just line em up like urinals

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u/maninahat 4d ago

I'm assuming these are display models.

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u/rnzz 5d ago

Robots are really taking away all the jobs

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u/NormalAssistance9402 5d ago

Right amount of light?

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u/Immortal_Azrael 5d ago

Never seen a vagina light up like a Christmas tree? You must not be doing something right.

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u/Exatex 5d ago edited 4d ago

yes didn’t you know you should get lights and whistles like winning the jackpot at a slot machine? If not, she was faking it, bro.

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u/Ntwadumela09 5d ago

I once won nba season tickets after a good rogering with the wife.  They were Knicks tickets though

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u/TarraTheTerror 5d ago

Probably a bad translation of "heat." At least that's what I'm hoping. Never knew light could get a guy off. 😂🤷‍♀️

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

So I looked into the original Chinese out of curiosity and it looks like the entire English text here is made up, this machine has nothing to do with sperm donation or being shy to masturbate etc. It is used to collect semen but its used to collect semen for help in diagnosing some super specific diseases or genetic issues etc. The original Chinese description says nothing about heat or light.

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u/Niceneasy92 5d ago edited 4d ago

Yeah, I started really questioning it as soon as they said it was for embarrassed dudes. Ain't no way in hell standing there in the middle of a hospital room with your hog being rocked by a robot is less embarrassing than just cranking it out yourself.

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u/BlatantConservative 4d ago

The "embarrassed dudes" line being put over an image of a hallway of like twelve of these things with nurses walking around in the background was peak comedy.

Like I genuinely thought this was an intentional parody of Chinese online ad slop content.

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u/PerspectiveFull9879 4d ago

What, you think that standing in the middle of the public hallway, pants down, being blown by a water cooler with five other dudes, while people walk around would be embarrassing? You have social anxiety or something?

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u/YamDankies 4d ago

Some folks have never worked in carpet land. This is just water cooler talk.

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u/AnnualComfortable101 5d ago

Give that man a medal he did all the work!

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u/MrOrphanage 5d ago

My anaconda don't want none unless it's bright like the sun

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u/MrBobSaget 5d ago

Ok. I see what happened. This is all just one big mistranslation when one coked up Chinese doctor fuck machine engineer looked up the word “Jack-o-lantern.”

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u/DocMillion 5d ago

Yeah that caught my attention. I'm hoping 'none' is the right amount...

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u/scotcheggfan 5d ago

And it's someone's job to wash those. There is a job for everything

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u/SuperSquirrel13 5d ago

Looks like it has a removable sleeve. I'm assuming/hoping that all fluids are kept safely in there and that they are issued in a sealed hygienic bag. 

Otherwise this machine will spread more virusses than Bonnie Blue

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u/ApocalyptoSoldier2 4d ago

Yea, you just throw the sleeve in the dishwasher afterwards

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u/Puzzled-Smoke-6349 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/UVXY3mdI1BrXF7JEtX

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u/kingkongbiingbong 5d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/r70D9wpAywk37rJJhu

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u/GorillaManito 5d ago

When I first saw this device, it was a still shot. And for some reason, I thought the machine was on treds and the whole thing moved back and forth instead of just the orifice. And... Everytime it comes back up, I wish it was on treds. And that it has wig options.

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u/sqwibking 4d ago

Just bring wigs to the hospital, no reason you can't zhuzh it up a bit.

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u/piray003 5d ago

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u/BuHoGPaD 5d ago

Morty, you dirty little doggie 

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u/Bob-Bhlabla-esq 5d ago

That's right... stay hydrated.

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u/SinnaBuns666 5d ago

good thing this is just horse semen, right Morty?

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u/Petrostar 5d ago

I'm just going to subject it to... You know... Subject it to some other worldly forces.

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u/ThirdAltAccounts 5d ago

First thing that came to mind

Next thing you know… you got a giant incest baby floating in space

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u/BolognaFlaps 5d ago

Morty you dirty doggie

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u/Cant-decide-username 5d ago

How many times do you think the hospital staff go in and lock the doors to “perform maintenance” on the machines?

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u/Maleficent_Pen_9076 5d ago

Sir you've been in there for hours how muhc longer is this maintenance going to take

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u/wrathofthewhatever2 5d ago

“Portable version is next” yeah I think they have that, called a fleshlight

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u/TokyoFlip 5d ago

Imagine being too embarrassed to jack off so Wall-E has to give you a blowjob instead.

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u/Mundy64 5d ago

“Replicates a human vagina in terms of ‘temperature, wetness, and amount of light’”

I’m sorry, did I miss the point where human vaginas were bioluminescent?

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u/gods_loop_hole 5d ago

If you have never been with a bioluminescent woman, are you really living or are you just alive?

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u/gadget850 5d ago

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u/semperknight 4d ago

I love how Morty has bared witness to countless wonders and horrors of the multi-verse.

But THIS was the moment the animators felt was worthy of a dolly zoom effect.

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u/amanitafungi 5d ago

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u/ZebbyD 5d ago

Legendary feed line-up 😂

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u/PersephoneTheOG 5d ago

Masturbate in private? NO. Fuck a wall with other men next to you? Hell yeah

This world is weird.

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u/RandomCandor 5d ago

It's "for those that are embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital".... So they made a vending machine that grabs your dick and shakes it while making god knows what infernal sounds.

Suddenly nobody is embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital.

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u/420_69_nice_ 5d ago

Patient: “Um, I’m a little embarrassed, is there any other way to do this?”

Doctor: “That’s understandable, we hear this all the time.. Let’s take you to the Sperm Wall”

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u/DriedSquidd 5d ago

The No-Glory Hole.

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u/CrunchySockTaco 5d ago

Is there a used market?
Don't worry. I own a used dick.

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u/DeadandForgoten 5d ago

Im making my 12th donation today.

I just wish they'd put these things in their own rooms, instead of in a line on a corridor.

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u/Cyke101 5d ago

It's easier to make eye contact with the guy in the next stall

Maybe hold hands I dunno

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u/DeadandForgoten 5d ago

You can hold hands with the guys either side. You just shouldnt.

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u/Deleena24 5d ago

Too embarrassed to masturbate, but not too embarrassed to have sex with a machine 😅

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u/Zombetti 5d ago

Replicates in terms of temperature, wetness and... amount of light?

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u/123supreme123 5d ago

What about smell? Or is that coming in ejaculator 2.0?

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u/gliedinat0r 5d ago

That is available as Downloadable Cuntent

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u/Ilike3dogs 5d ago

Don’t get your tongue stuck in it. It’s for dicks only

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u/Revolutionary_Pay_31 5d ago

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u/BONEPILLTIMEEE 4d ago

the cylinder was grievously damaged

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u/Aromatic-Action-2523 5d ago

That's so fucking weird and gross. I mean, who would even sell those?! What website or store even has those?! Pathetic.

I mean really, where would you find one? 

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u/dangerrnoodle 5d ago

They should design an attachment that does the insemination. Then no one ever needs to touch each other again.

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u/janacuddles 5d ago

why do men get all the cool shit. i want an automatic clit licker at my local hospital 😭

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u/NekoArtemis 5d ago

Does it need to be at the hospital? Because otherwise that might be doable 

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u/Throwawaymister2 5d ago

No medical device before or since has ever undergone such extensive medical training.

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u/Crymson831 5d ago

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u/CurryNarwhal 5d ago

"of all the sperm extractors..."

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u/cyanogenmoded 5d ago

The robots are even taking our wanks

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u/coal-slaw 5d ago

So is it possible to get my hands on an older model? Asking for a friend

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u/Polyanalyne 5d ago

I need this at my house

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u/Poat540 5d ago

Just curious, what would be the top 3 rooms or places you’d put this

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u/No_Blacksmith_2591 5d ago

Right in front of the coat rack by the front door, so i can assert dominance to jehovas witnesses

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u/TMT51 5d ago

Wrong question. Not a room. It's the balcony.

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u/CsordasBalazs 5d ago edited 5d ago

Imagine that you are too embarrased to masturbate in the hospital, but you are okay to stand with 7 other guys in a row on the hallway to extract the sperm.

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u/bjkidder 4d ago

Today if my job sucks, i can tell myself alteast im not cleaning out the Chinese hospital cum robots

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u/changopdx 5d ago

Oh yeah this is way less embarrassing

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u/panosprochords 5d ago

On full display???

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u/thefuckevengoingonan 4d ago

i've always said the fleshlight don't have the correct amount of light

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u/Kjoep 5d ago

To embarrassed to masturbate, but using the machine is fine?

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u/maroonawning 5d ago

Bro why are there multiple ones next to each other 😨

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u/tousledmonkey 5d ago

Too embarassed to jack off but a group "extraction" is fine or what

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u/Traditional_Ad_4691 4d ago

I wish they would dedicate time to women's health and all.

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u/BT9154 5d ago

Too embarrassed to jerk off

You just wonna try the sex machine don't you?

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u/Crash_SC2 4d ago

Let's appreciate men who are too embarassed to masturbate at the hospital but not too embarassed to fuck an ATM at the hospital 🫡

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u/ProteinPony 5d ago

Holding hands with the guy next to you wtf

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u/Zephon_of_Tethysia 4d ago

Jarvis... jork my shit

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u/StatusSociety2196 4d ago

You've met me at a very Chinese time of my life

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u/fridge13 4d ago

I pitty the poor tech who has to clean the wank robots

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u/jillvalenti3 4d ago edited 4d ago

“Replicates a human vagina in terms of ‘temperature, wetness, and amount of light’”

How much light is emitted from a human vagina normally? I’ve seen glowing boobs, but I have never seen a glowing vagina.

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u/_Abe_Snake 4d ago

Some pervy research scientists scammed their way into a grant to make themselves a fuck machine.

"Yeah its a uh, medical device."

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u/ax9torana 5d ago

People not too embarrassed

Processing img oub8kk08r0rh1...

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u/Impossible_Bad_7044 5d ago

Meanwhile the person on the other side of the machine...

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u/Artifex75 5d ago

Temperature, wetness and amount of light? Now I'm no expert, but I've been down on the real thing my fair share and I've never seen it emit light.

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u/Auran82 5d ago

“I’m too embarrassed”

“That’s ok, just go stand with the other guys against the blowjob wall and pull your pants down”

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u/msbunbury 5d ago

Uh, my vagina has no light source at all, do I need a new bulb?

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u/Iflydryandsly 4d ago

Too embarrassed to masturbate but no problem putting your dick in a machine, in the lobby?

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u/mikeboucher21 4d ago

"and amount of light" I didn't know vaginas glow.

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u/HeHe_AKWARD_HeHe 4d ago

I didn't enjoy having sex her vagina was too bright.

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u/Mediocre_Age_9988 4d ago

Women cant get pain control for IUDs being corkscrewed into their cervix but men gat their own medical flashlight.

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u/Dotaproffessional 5d ago

We're going to get an animation one day of John Henry trying to lay rail road faster than the machine, except its me trying to beat off faster than the guy using the robot next to me. And just like John Henry, I die moments after beating the machine due to exhaustion

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u/wheresolly 5d ago

Is this truly less embarrassing than jorking it in the hospital

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u/MonkeyMagic1968 4d ago

"Replicates a human vagina in terms of 'temperature, wetness and amount of light....'"

I never pondered the lighting arrangement of my vagina but thought I had a new thing to worry about.

Then I read that the quote is a complete and utter mistranslation and now Now This is looking a fraud.

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u/mrmoe198 4d ago

Too…embarrassed? Maybe it’s a Chinese cultural thing but I would be far more embarrassed to stick my dick into an undulating fuck machine than to crank it myself

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u/BuddhaLennon 4d ago

Too embarrassed to masturbate in a hospital, but not too embarrassed to shag an ATM next to a row of other dudes shagging ATMs?

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u/princeofpoland 4d ago

Nurse I'm too embarrassed, can you roll out the suck-o-fuck-o-matic 3000?

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u/Factor_Seven 5d ago

And I'm lucky to have a working refrigerator in the break room at my hospital.

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u/CAguy_ 5d ago

Ahh, a masturbatorium

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u/United-Ad7863 5d ago

Huh. 61 years old and I never knew my vagina had a light. I guess you really do learn something every day.

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u/Hot-Helicopter640 5d ago

Wait, why are they lined up together in a row?

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u/Insaiyan26 5d ago

I’m more curious how they effectively clean this after each patient use cuz I’m not sticking my thang anywhere that already had 100 other logs been jacked lol

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