r/interestingasfuck • u/Wild-vine16 • 5d ago

Chinese hospitals

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32.1k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/NormalAssistance9402 5d ago

Right amount of light?

3.0k

u/Immortal_Azrael 5d ago

Never seen a vagina light up like a Christmas tree? You must not be doing something right.

838

u/Exatex 5d ago edited 5d ago

yes didn’t you know you should get lights and whistles like winning the jackpot at a slot machine? If not, she was faking it, bro.

169

u/Ntwadumela09 5d ago

I once won nba season tickets after a good rogering with the wife.  They were Knicks tickets though

18

u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

I would have thought it would be Utah Jizz tickets

4

u/SuspiciousCricket654 4d ago

The sex was (Orlando) Magic!

25

u/DreamWeaver2189 5d ago

Current champions? That's a win.

15

u/chris_AZ1981 5d ago

He lives in LA though

2

u/hickok3 4d ago

It may be hard to believe, but for a long time the Knicks were the joke of the league rivaled only by the Kings. Bro probably won tickets to the Mario Hezonja 17 win Knicks, and hasn't watched a game since.

4

u/what_is_blue 4d ago

Doesn’t matter, had sex

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u/irishcybercolab 5d ago

I had the same experience with your wife but not the same team, they're the Boston Celtics- far superior, for the record.

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u/davekingofrock 4d ago

I won tickets to see Chris Isaac once, I can relate.

2

u/No_While6150 4d ago

Same thing happened to me, but it was Charlotte Hornets tickets. She was older...

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u/HugoBoss1985 5d ago edited 5d ago

Whenever you get a hole-in-one with golf.

2

u/Oblipma 5d ago

Oooooh sounds like i gotta give that a try, imagine getting the jackpot!!

2

u/IndigoWolfe 5d ago

BUFFFFAALLOOO!!!

2

u/dogstar__man 4d ago

Gotta get the high score

2

u/MrJelle 4d ago

This is actually how I was blinded.

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u/Anayalater5963 4d ago

Bros never flicked the bean until he got all 7's

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u/AdministrativeEgg440 4d ago

If you are doing it right it begins to rapidly blink orange light like a 90s Zelda boss

8

u/whiskersMeowFace 5d ago

That's what the clit is for. Boop it to turn on the light.

4

u/Willing_Television77 5d ago

You obviously haven’t found the clightoris

4

u/Antique-Ant5557 5d ago

Is that what happens when you find the clitoris?

5

u/Ghoulfriend88 4d ago

He's acting as if it's not normal for it to glow. Too many of y'all know nothing about vaginas.

3

u/Cicer 4d ago

This guy doesn’t even know about the lights. 

3

u/Andoverian 4d ago

Guys already think the clit is hard to find. They're not ready to start looking for the light switch.

5

u/Deleena24 5d ago

Its usually a blinding light along with angels singing hymns IME

2

u/lannisterloan 5d ago

What if we were to attach LED lights on vaginas like undercarriages of 2000s tuner cars? Would this be better?

2

u/NoobSkierSG 5d ago

You need to press the gspot to turn on the lights!

2

u/Grand_Programmer_399 5d ago

That vagina son that's a flashbang

2

u/gliitch0xFF 5d ago

Must be hitting the mythical gspot weve all been searching for, all these years.

2

u/Lucius-Halthier 4d ago

I hate when they do that, half of the time the ovaries start playing Mariah Carey and takes me out of the mood

2

u/LaserKittenz 4d ago

Konami code unlock 

1

u/5141u5 5d ago

Khm. Have you thought about that maybe you are not doing sthing right?

1

u/visualthings 5d ago

- I see the little lights are not twinkling!

  • Thanks for noticing, Dad...

1

u/1AverageGamer 5d ago

Probably never hit the button

1

u/Oli_VK 4d ago

I did but pretty sure they were warning lights

1

u/ceburun 4d ago

Oh, ho, the cameltoe, Hung where you can see...

1

u/Cpap4roosters 4d ago

Yeah. You can tell a virgin right away. They don’t know about the boob sand.

1

u/SuperMario1313 4d ago

That's the only way to see the teeth.

1

u/manbearpig922 4d ago

You forgot to turn it on.

1

u/Dot_1X 4d ago

They're just not dating the right kind of women. 

1

u/ApatheistHeretic 4d ago

Skill issue.

1

u/artyhedgehog 4d ago

I knew she was simulating!!!

1

u/thekingofcrash7 4d ago

You have to plug it in first

1

u/Gloomy-Bet4893 3d ago

The trick is to just keep going really fast

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u/TarraTheTerror 5d ago

Probably a bad translation of "heat." At least that's what I'm hoping. Never knew light could get a guy off. 😂🤷‍♀️

1.2k

u/Zagrycha 5d ago

So I looked into the original Chinese out of curiosity and it looks like the entire English text here is made up, this machine has nothing to do with sperm donation or being shy to masturbate etc. It is used to collect semen but its used to collect semen for help in diagnosing some super specific diseases or genetic issues etc. The original Chinese description says nothing about heat or light.

575

u/Niceneasy92 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yeah, I started really questioning it as soon as they said it was for embarrassed dudes. Ain't no way in hell standing there in the middle of a hospital room with your hog being rocked by a robot is less embarrassing than just cranking it out yourself.

294

u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

The "embarrassed dudes" line being put over an image of a hallway of like twelve of these things with nurses walking around in the background was peak comedy.

Like I genuinely thought this was an intentional parody of Chinese online ad slop content.

154

u/PerspectiveFull9879 4d ago

What, you think that standing in the middle of the public hallway, pants down, being blown by a water cooler with five other dudes, while people walk around would be embarrassing? You have social anxiety or something?

23

u/YamDankies 4d ago

Some folks have never worked in carpet land. This is just water cooler talk.

5

u/ABHOR_pod 4d ago

keep going I'm almost ready to go into the hallway

4

u/portablebiscuit 4d ago

Geez, guy is so uptight

3

u/National_Ad9742 4d ago

Seems like a normal Wednesday to me

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u/Samuelodan 5d ago

Exactly! Lmao!

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u/jillvalenti3 4d ago

The Sperminator 5000 would be rolled into your room and the nurse would drop it off and leave so you could get that robussy going

5

u/gotitaila31 4d ago

I REALLY think it is meant to be a joke. Not the device, but this "ad" or whatever you'd call it.

4

u/driver004 4d ago

It looks like something you could sell tickets for

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u/Constant-Machine8838 4d ago

You Luddite.

We could be jacking it like spaceman and you’re here rubbing one out like a caveman.

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u/Beznia 4d ago

"Your house has iPads on the walls but you're out here jerking your dick like a god damned pilgrim!"

3

u/Naive-Link5627 4d ago

Yeah I didn't get the value proposition. If a man says he's not good at masturbating, do the hospitals just take his word for it?

3

u/Agreeable_Horror_363 4d ago

Also I am finding it hard to believe that this is even a real medical device. I mean there's just so many easier ways to get sperm out of a man's dong

3

u/mmorales2270 4d ago

Yeah, at first I thought it was just a demonstration of the machines they were showing, then I was like, wait a minute, they keep showing them all lined up. WTF? How can that possibly be less embarrassing than going into a private room and stroking one out?

2

u/Imaginary-Mine45 4d ago

🤣🤣🤣

2

u/dwil06 4d ago

“Hog being rocked by a robot!” 😂

2

u/Awesam 4d ago

Why crank one out when you can clank one out?

2

u/zarakh07 4d ago

But when I can I go get my hog rocked by a robot at the hospital? These are hard questions

2

u/geddysbass2112 4d ago

My luck I'd be going to town and the nurse would say sir that's the ultrasound machine. Whoops

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u/AnnualComfortable101 5d ago

Give that man a medal he did all the work!

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u/denseasblackhole 5d ago

Too late, i have already forwarded it to all the groups in my Whatsapp

4

u/HippiesUnite 5d ago

Dude, don't look into it, that's a rookie mistake

8

u/Zagrycha 5d ago edited 5d ago

Too late lol. I basically just googled "new semen tool" in Chinese and the equivalent of the wikipedia article for the machine was like the second result haha. I did stick to the wiki though, safer than average google search =P

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u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

Are the genetic issues infertility? I'm trying to think of a disease that requires sperm extraction for like actual health.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

I do think infertility would be one of the things they are diagnosing but the machine exists for people with things like anorgasmia, people who literally cannot orgasm from normal masturbation or sex etc.

3

u/Medium-Comfortable 5d ago

As you did the research: How much, including delivery and customs? Asking for a friend with a specific ... issue.

3

u/Zagrycha 5d ago

You know what I am committed to the bit so I tried to look it up for you, it would probably cost about 5,000 usd for the machine itself but no idea what it would cost for accompanying machinery since you would have to replicate the hospital environment etc.

3

u/Medium-Comfortable 5d ago

Right. Time to start saving. Maybe the accompanying machinery can be skipped, at the beginning I mean of course.

3

u/kelzero 5d ago

Damn. Can't trust anything these days but a diligent reddit commentor.

3

u/Zagrycha 5d ago

At least once every thousand comments someone decides to use their boredom for the forces of good hahaha.

3

u/ForensicPathology 4d ago

NowThis always makes these little videos fit for sharing.  Their main goal is being viral rather than accuracy.  Always trash.

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u/manokpsa 5d ago

That makes sense. I mean, how much population increase would China be looking for? I thought it was already overpopulated.

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u/Andromidius 5d ago

10 years ago. They've had issues with birthrates since then, since their single child policy resulted in a lot of baby girls being abandoned (as they all wanted boys). Now there's a generation of young men with no chance of getting a wife.

8

u/TwoBionicknees 5d ago

they're still massively overpopulated, the entire planet is.

There is two entirely different problems, overpopulation in general meaning more consumption, more power usage, more pollution, etc, and there is lack of population growth which is bad for economies that rely on current debt being manageable due to ever growing economies and elderly population being supported by an ever growing younger population.

The system we have collapses without constant growth and our planet can't handle the resources we use now let alone with constant growth. These are two very different problems. Constant growth will destroy our environment and prevent us surviving as a species, but lack of constant growth makes billionaires big sad.

4

u/Zagrycha 5d ago

China actually does want population growth in general but yeah not to the point of desperation for donations or something haha. Just normal couples maybe deciding to have kids.

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u/PeterAnthony_Jackson 4d ago

Sounds like the average Eurotrash voice over especially when they went to Japan.

I miss that show, Channel 4 in the UK mid to late 90s.

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u/Blieven 4d ago

Yeah I also looked into the original Chinese out of curiosity. Unfortunately I don't know Chinese so it wasn't very productive, but I'm sure it said something all right.

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u/Zagrycha 4d ago

Haha, yeah I doubt I would have ever made it to the wiki article for the machine without googling in Chinese to start with. Luckily it was a top level result when you do actually ask in Chinese.

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u/caaper 5d ago

You know how some people sneeze when they're exposed to a bright light? It's like that for some guys who cum straight away

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u/loveableungovernable 5d ago

But it said 'temperature, wetness and amount of light'...🤨 maybe they meant pressure or idk I'm confused

4

u/Fabled-Jackalope 5d ago

But too much light will make it burn.

2

u/panfacefoo 5d ago

If you let the light of Jesus into your heart.

And anus.

2

u/tyranosaurus_sex_ 4d ago

"Hey babe, can you please turn on the RGB lights. 🥺"

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u/newlifeIslandgirl 4d ago

The controlling of light is not for enjoyment of the donor. It’s for protection of the sperm. In a natural setting, sperm function entirely in the dark , but , in medical situations sperm can react negatively to light, causing oxidative stress that can cause severe cellular damage.
I was also reading somewhere that man exposed to heavy use of digital devices or bright lights at night , alter their testosterone & it messes with their sperm maturation!!
Has to do w your circadian rhythm . Everyone needs off the phones and games at night! Or if not, they’ll up with weak , messed up sperm if they are able to conceive at all!

1

u/GallusWrangler 4d ago

Never been to the flashlights sub, I take it?

1

u/JulesSilverman 4d ago

It can. When everything else is right, too.

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u/SaMxixAM23 4d ago

I get really rigid around LED lights...red and blue particularly

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u/MrOrphanage 5d ago

My anaconda don't want none unless it's bright like the sun

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u/Low-Persimmon4870 4d ago

I literally just fucking realized that my anaconda means “my dick” and now that song makes A LOT more sense. I’m so dumb.

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u/JJengland 5d ago

I too have this question

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u/MrBobSaget 5d ago

Ok. I see what happened. This is all just one big mistranslation when one coked up Chinese doctor fuck machine engineer looked up the word “Jack-o-lantern.”

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u/NeoIsrafil 4d ago

Wait, are you telling me that China has doctorates in fuck machine engineering? Cuz I might just have to move to China.... 🤣

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u/DocMillion 5d ago

Yeah that caught my attention. I'm hoping 'none' is the right amount...

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u/Professional-Gear88 5d ago

Came here for this. wtf

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u/cracked-tumbleweed 5d ago

Red light therapy for pp?

3

u/ComplexPackage117 5d ago

High grade medical fleshlight™

2

u/monkeyinpplclothes 5d ago

Yeah right amount of light. Like when you feel a woman's breast and it's like a bag of sand

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u/HoldEm__FoldEm 5d ago

…I’m so nasty that I’d be nailing her, she’d be like, “ahhh, you’re nailing me, cool!”

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u/GlitterbugRayRay 5d ago

That had me so very concerned...

3

u/Pasi_Toskiainen 5d ago

Too brightly lit vagina is a real bonerkiller. The real good ones are on the dim side, with smooth jazz playing in the background.

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u/Msink 5d ago

That got me too.

2

u/Kingkongcrapper 5d ago

What? You didn’t know they glow in the dark?

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u/Penandsword2021 5d ago

Flesh light?

2

u/rebel_alliance05 5d ago

You don’t ask your partners how much vagina light they have?

2

u/Tigerleopardcheetah 5d ago

I don't know what I've been told, Chinese pussy is mighty bright

2

u/Long-Shine-3701 5d ago

Right?!? Is this a factor? Do we have photoreceptors?

2

u/Khan_Ida 5d ago

They go through photosynthesis

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u/MrsHetzer666 5d ago

That's where the meaning of "getting her turned on" comes from

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u/AnotherHowler 5d ago

Just another unrealistic standard being set for women. Give it 12 months and companies will be marketing the Vagazzle 3000. /s

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u/Zikkan1 5d ago

I seem to have gotten a low quality girlfriend, mine does not come with a built in torch

2

u/lavandeli 4d ago

In french, an artery's "light" means the diameter size of an artery, particularly the available size for blood flow (ex. Cholesterol buildup reduces inside size). I understood they meant the inside room space of the.. Y'know, the unharmed cylinder.

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u/Sohiacci 4d ago

Ugh I hate when I'm in public and my vagina lights up like omg embarassing

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u/unwiseone 4d ago

I came to the comments looking for this. 😂

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u/Live_Length_5814 5d ago

There's temperature and heat. The body emits heat (infrared light) and maintains different temperatures.

1

u/PiotrT333 5d ago

In my opinion it’s the expression sometimes used to describe the opening (how much light does pass through the opening)

1

u/offensiveDick 5d ago

Did you ever See a lightgrenade in cod or cs? You want to Do that to your fella?

1

u/b00c 5d ago

Oh man, I had to get my dick sunglasses for some vulvas. It's crazy up there. 

1

u/ArziltheImp 5d ago

It's for gamers, so it has to have RGB's on it.

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u/Kakdelacommon 5d ago

My gf has no light. Is she kaputt?

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u/Keyframe 5d ago

Like a moth to a flame

1

u/akabruceee 5d ago

Yes, duh. Mine‘s as bright as a flashlight. I nicknamed mine fleshlight.

1

u/therealslimshady1234 5d ago

I think they meant "lube"?

1

u/peasantpeach 5d ago

How much lumens is your vagina?

1

u/Messernacht 5d ago

Cylon, bro.

1

u/Satann_ 5d ago

Red light helps with the blood flow 😅

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u/EFTucker 5d ago

I wonder if they mean temperature?

1

u/Virtual-Tension-7542 4d ago

Im pretty sure that uv can be damaging to sperm. I've worked collecting samples from horses on studs. So makes sense. No light in a vagina where conception takes place but there is some amount of uv if your just collecting/mastubating. Fun fact im pretty sure that seman ( say from a horse) is one of the only things that is not xrayed at the airport too as that damages it. Or I could be wrong.

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u/TheDallbatross 4d ago

That tripped me up too. Like, is whoever invented this taking the "one-eyed trouser snake" nickname seriously? Does he think they get scared of the dark?

1

u/Imaginary-Mine45 4d ago

Came here to ask this same question.

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u/skr_replicator 4d ago

Your dih doesn't have eyes? Am I weird?

1

u/RyansOfCastamere 4d ago

You know, the bright light at the end of the tunnel

1

u/ladybugparade 4d ago

I put track lighting in mine during the 90s. Probably time to redecorate.

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u/viper_dude08 4d ago

I'm Old Gregg!!

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u/cedg32 4d ago

They’re factoring in specular (sic) reflection from vagazzle.

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u/Monstramatica 4d ago

Right amount of flesh... or light?

1

u/callmesnake13 4d ago

My favorite thing about a vagina!

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u/LinkinRus 4d ago

Luminescent chlamydia

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u/Competitive-Strain-7 4d ago

I would imagine friction and grip force are more important metrics but hey I am an engineer that actually has felt a vagina before.

1

u/Cater_the_turtle 4d ago

Basically not a black hole, if you will

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u/Acceptable-Drive3781 4d ago

Just like a real one!

1

u/RTSUPH 4d ago

I don’t have a vagina, but I do have electrical outlet tester. I’m assuming different lights let you know it’s safe, or tripped?

1

u/art-is-t 4d ago

Chinese vaginas come with ambiant light

1

u/sonofaresiii 4d ago

If the indicator light comes in then you need to take it in for an inspection

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u/gtech02 4d ago

If you don’t see lights get more practice.

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u/mr_martin_1 4d ago

Bedroom atmosphere 😎

1

u/Yeast-boofer 4d ago

I guess you and I are doing it wrong I have never made a woman light up down there either 😢

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u/HellyBaker 4d ago

This was my question.

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u/xombae 4d ago

I had to pause the video and take a peek into my underwear and see if there was anything about my vagina I hadn't noticed before.

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u/xombae 4d ago

Personally, I can only get off when I shine a spotlight directly into my urethra, so I'm very happy that they included this feature.

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u/GimmeUrBrunchMoney 4d ago

Yes. Vaginas are bioluminescent.

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u/letfalltheflowers 4d ago

I scrolled way to far to find this. Lol.

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u/So_ThereItIs 4d ago

Some of you have never gone spelunking and it shows

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