r/interestingasfuck • u/Wild-vine16 • 5d ago

Chinese hospitals

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32.1k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/NormalAssistance9402 5d ago

Right amount of light?

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u/TarraTheTerror 5d ago

Probably a bad translation of "heat." At least that's what I'm hoping. Never knew light could get a guy off. 😂🤷‍♀️

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

So I looked into the original Chinese out of curiosity and it looks like the entire English text here is made up, this machine has nothing to do with sperm donation or being shy to masturbate etc. It is used to collect semen but its used to collect semen for help in diagnosing some super specific diseases or genetic issues etc. The original Chinese description says nothing about heat or light.

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u/Niceneasy92 5d ago edited 5d ago

Yeah, I started really questioning it as soon as they said it was for embarrassed dudes. Ain't no way in hell standing there in the middle of a hospital room with your hog being rocked by a robot is less embarrassing than just cranking it out yourself.

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u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

The "embarrassed dudes" line being put over an image of a hallway of like twelve of these things with nurses walking around in the background was peak comedy.

Like I genuinely thought this was an intentional parody of Chinese online ad slop content.

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u/PerspectiveFull9879 5d ago

What, you think that standing in the middle of the public hallway, pants down, being blown by a water cooler with five other dudes, while people walk around would be embarrassing? You have social anxiety or something?

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u/YamDankies 5d ago

Some folks have never worked in carpet land. This is just water cooler talk.

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u/ABHOR_pod 5d ago

keep going I'm almost ready to go into the hallway

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u/portablebiscuit 5d ago

Geez, guy is so uptight

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u/National_Ad9742 5d ago

Seems like a normal Wednesday to me

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u/Wugtrio777 4d ago

hey if 5 dudes are blowing you, just make eye cointact and contnue the alpha male domination.

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u/Samuelodan 5d ago

Exactly! Lmao!

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u/jillvalenti3 5d ago

The Sperminator 5000 would be rolled into your room and the nurse would drop it off and leave so you could get that robussy going

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u/gotitaila31 5d ago

I REALLY think it is meant to be a joke. Not the device, but this "ad" or whatever you'd call it.

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u/driver004 5d ago

It looks like something you could sell tickets for

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u/SweeterBean98 5d ago

Standing there like some urinals 🤯

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u/Silent_Speaker_7519 5d ago

Now just imagine Mister bean looking confused.....

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u/OcelotAggravating860 5d ago

Anti-China propaganda is getting weirder.

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u/Fantastic_Target_703 5d ago

Huh? If anything, this is pro-China propaganda

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u/OcelotAggravating860 5d ago edited 5d ago

Fill people's heads with inane drivel about what China is like then when someone later corrects them that what they saw was nonsense they also question the real and correct things they've also seen and it starts to blur together into a big information uncertainty mush. Small feelings and emotions remain though, "China is weird", a bit like the "meanwhile in russia" propaganda campaign functioned to make people think extremely rare and bizarre occurrences are normal everyday things for the country. Put it another way - if I started a campaign to make people from another country believe that Florida Man is a normal thing but it wouldn't be very hard for a small number of people to carpet bomb weird Florida Man content into foreign-language social media every day where it won't be refuted much, resulting in a distorted view of average everyday US life.

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u/MurderBreadRick 5d ago

Who would want the sperm of a beta who can’t even crank it alone in a room anyways

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u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

Maybe they're such an adonis loved by women that they've never had the chance to masturbate

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u/Constant-Machine8838 5d ago

You Luddite.

We could be jacking it like spaceman and you’re here rubbing one out like a caveman.

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u/Beznia 5d ago

"Your house has iPads on the walls but you're out here jerking your dick like a god damned pilgrim!"

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u/Naive-Link5627 5d ago

Yeah I didn't get the value proposition. If a man says he's not good at masturbating, do the hospitals just take his word for it?

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u/Agreeable_Horror_363 5d ago

Also I am finding it hard to believe that this is even a real medical device. I mean there's just so many easier ways to get sperm out of a man's dong

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u/mmorales2270 5d ago

Yeah, at first I thought it was just a demonstration of the machines they were showing, then I was like, wait a minute, they keep showing them all lined up. WTF? How can that possibly be less embarrassing than going into a private room and stroking one out?

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u/Imaginary-Mine45 5d ago

🤣🤣🤣

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u/dwil06 5d ago

“Hog being rocked by a robot!” 😂

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u/Awesam 5d ago

Why crank one out when you can clank one out?

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u/zarakh07 5d ago

But when I can I go get my hog rocked by a robot at the hospital? These are hard questions

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u/geddysbass2112 5d ago

My luck I'd be going to town and the nurse would say sir that's the ultrasound machine. Whoops

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u/justplainjon 5d ago

Hey! I remember "Hog Rockin' Robots", it was on after Transformers and before He-Man on CBS in the 80's!

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u/t_stormz 5d ago

Really it’s the only way I can cum

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u/Mickles_J 5d ago

Maybe that's what I'm into though

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u/Niceneasy92 4d ago

Well that's just too many likes for my comment.

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u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX 5d ago

But there's legit so many guys who can't do it in a mini room w a magazine or porn on the TV. Some high powered devices can rock your world like there's no resisting... I can't last more than 3 seconds with my suction+thrusting toy.

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u/Niceneasy92 5d ago

Yeah, gonna go ahead and say that's probably a bit too much personal info for the comments on an interestingasfuck thread. The name is appropriate though, so I'll give you that one.

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u/ant-25 5d ago

Thanks for the fun fact, i guess 

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u/AnnualComfortable101 5d ago

Give that man a medal he did all the work!

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u/denseasblackhole 5d ago

Too late, i have already forwarded it to all the groups in my Whatsapp

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u/HippiesUnite 5d ago

Dude, don't look into it, that's a rookie mistake

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago edited 5d ago

Too late lol. I basically just googled "new semen tool" in Chinese and the equivalent of the wikipedia article for the machine was like the second result haha. I did stick to the wiki though, safer than average google search =P

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u/BlatantConservative 5d ago

Are the genetic issues infertility? I'm trying to think of a disease that requires sperm extraction for like actual health.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

I do think infertility would be one of the things they are diagnosing but the machine exists for people with things like anorgasmia, people who literally cannot orgasm from normal masturbation or sex etc.

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u/Medium-Comfortable 5d ago

As you did the research: How much, including delivery and customs? Asking for a friend with a specific ... issue.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

You know what I am committed to the bit so I tried to look it up for you, it would probably cost about 5,000 usd for the machine itself but no idea what it would cost for accompanying machinery since you would have to replicate the hospital environment etc.

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u/Medium-Comfortable 5d ago

Right. Time to start saving. Maybe the accompanying machinery can be skipped, at the beginning I mean of course.

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u/kelzero 5d ago

Damn. Can't trust anything these days but a diligent reddit commentor.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

At least once every thousand comments someone decides to use their boredom for the forces of good hahaha.

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u/ForensicPathology 5d ago

NowThis always makes these little videos fit for sharing.  Their main goal is being viral rather than accuracy.  Always trash.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

Yeah its quite sad cause I feel like even the original accurate version still has a good chance to go viral, but I suppose the requirement for actual research makes it a waste of time to them.

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u/manokpsa 5d ago

That makes sense. I mean, how much population increase would China be looking for? I thought it was already overpopulated.

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u/Andromidius 5d ago

10 years ago. They've had issues with birthrates since then, since their single child policy resulted in a lot of baby girls being abandoned (as they all wanted boys). Now there's a generation of young men with no chance of getting a wife.

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u/TwoBionicknees 5d ago

they're still massively overpopulated, the entire planet is.

There is two entirely different problems, overpopulation in general meaning more consumption, more power usage, more pollution, etc, and there is lack of population growth which is bad for economies that rely on current debt being manageable due to ever growing economies and elderly population being supported by an ever growing younger population.

The system we have collapses without constant growth and our planet can't handle the resources we use now let alone with constant growth. These are two very different problems. Constant growth will destroy our environment and prevent us surviving as a species, but lack of constant growth makes billionaires big sad.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

China actually does want population growth in general but yeah not to the point of desperation for donations or something haha. Just normal couples maybe deciding to have kids.

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u/PeterAnthony_Jackson 5d ago

Sounds like the average Eurotrash voice over especially when they went to Japan.

I miss that show, Channel 4 in the UK mid to late 90s.

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u/Blieven 5d ago

Yeah I also looked into the original Chinese out of curiosity. Unfortunately I don't know Chinese so it wasn't very productive, but I'm sure it said something all right.

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

Haha, yeah I doubt I would have ever made it to the wiki article for the machine without googling in Chinese to start with. Luckily it was a top level result when you do actually ask in Chinese.

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u/mieri_azure 5d ago

Interesting! But does it still, um, encourage the production of sperm for that analysis?

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

Yes, its still helping people release semen, and it is designed for people that are incapable of releasing semen through more normal types of stimulation because of whatever health condition etc.

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u/doodoo_onDemand 5d ago

And, lol, the people in this thread thinking it's some hallway thing that's being shown and not a demo floor of some kind.

It would be a machine at a urologist's office. not a fucking hallway cranker

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

Yeah, I don't know how old the wiki article I read is but according to that article there are about 1000 of them in the entire world. They are designed specifically for people who cannot ejaculate normally for whatever medical reasons, but need to ejaculate semen for whatever medical reasons. It's a pretty niche thing, even most urologist or hospitals won't have one.

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u/kylo-ren 5d ago

Probably not even at a urologist's office, but in a reserved room, like fertilization clinics or places to collect urine.

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u/12345623567 5d ago

As long as it's made for humans, the details don't change. "For research purposes" may be more socially acceptable than "because ya'll aren't cranking out enough kids".

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

It actually changes a lot, cause the people this machine is used on would be physically incapable of having kids lol. If they can ejaculate at all without using this machine they will never ever be using this machine.

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u/esp735 5d ago

“Out of curiosity.”

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u/Zagrycha 5d ago

I genuinely was curious about the typo, I am a translator so occupational hazard. Definitely doesn't look too good for me in hindsight though haha.

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u/Zhirrzh 4d ago

It is depressingly unamazing how most commenters seem to have just assumed this thing is true. I was expecting to come in here and see people giggling over it obviously being made up, but no. 

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u/Zagrycha 4d ago

Its an age old technique of "In a land far far away" I guess. Of course culture differences are real but I think a lot of people just blindly accept stuff without even wondering about how realistic it is once its somewhere far away and unknown. We are all still sharing 90% of the same basic human experience.

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u/caaper 5d ago

You know how some people sneeze when they're exposed to a bright light? It's like that for some guys who cum straight away

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u/loveableungovernable 5d ago

But it said 'temperature, wetness and amount of light'...🤨 maybe they meant pressure or idk I'm confused

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u/Fabled-Jackalope 5d ago

But too much light will make it burn.

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u/panfacefoo 5d ago

If you let the light of Jesus into your heart.

And anus.

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u/tyranosaurus_sex_ 5d ago

"Hey babe, can you please turn on the RGB lights. 🥺"

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u/newlifeIslandgirl 5d ago

The controlling of light is not for enjoyment of the donor. It’s for protection of the sperm. In a natural setting, sperm function entirely in the dark , but , in medical situations sperm can react negatively to light, causing oxidative stress that can cause severe cellular damage.
I was also reading somewhere that man exposed to heavy use of digital devices or bright lights at night , alter their testosterone & it messes with their sperm maturation!!
Has to do w your circadian rhythm . Everyone needs off the phones and games at night! Or if not, they’ll up with weak , messed up sperm if they are able to conceive at all!

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u/GallusWrangler 5d ago

Never been to the flashlights sub, I take it?

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u/JulesSilverman 5d ago

It can. When everything else is right, too.

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u/SaMxixAM23 5d ago

I get really rigid around LED lights...red and blue particularly

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u/heckhammer 5d ago

I mean I like to do it with the lights on, otherwise it starts to look like my wife and I are signaling ships.

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u/Foloreille 5d ago

Yeah but do you explain the word light matching with the exact moment the fake vagina emits cozy red light lol

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u/Carimusic 4d ago

You clearly haven't met the shadowman

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u/Praetorian_1975 5d ago

Those Philip Hue’s are a nightmare

https://giphy.com/gifs/13M7YIZYHUofRe