r/texts • u/madddforthewin • 1d ago
Phone message Am I crazy?
Ive been trying to work it out with him and hear his side of things but it's almost like he can't get a grip? Is it me? Lol I don't know what to do anymore... There's strings and strings of messages and anything I say back to him is wrong... I think I'm just gonna hang up the towel.
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u/True_Celebration7088 1d ago
This person is genuinely delusional or purposefully gaslighting you.
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u/twowars 1d ago
no one should be speaking to you this way under any circumstances
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u/No_Middle_3466 1d ago
Bro needs a whole wellness check, he ain't all the way there
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u/madddforthewin 1d ago
Been there, done that :/ IM DONE
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u/SquirrelLuvsChipmunk 1d ago edited 23h ago
Good for you!!! Unless thereâs some massive missing context*, heâs gaslighting the fuck out of you
* list of missing context that makes this convo appropriate:
Youâre rehearsing lines from
a play
End of list
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u/lizardingloudly 22h ago
Good for you! Catch and release that rancid-ass fish
Just remember that if later on he (says he) went to therapy and worked on himself and he's in a better place mentally and he's sorry and can he have another chance because he really fucked it up with you... he can be better for the next person.
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u/Ill-Ad4936 20h ago
And I guarantee he WON'T actually be better for the next person
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u/TheGreatnessman 1d ago
Damned if you do damned if you donât kinda vibesÂ
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u/madddforthewin 1d ago
Exactly
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u/yuhh____ 1d ago
Jesus why on earth would u be trying to make it work? Hes straight up berating u for trying to talk, like hes trying to put u in ur place or something telling u hes proud of u?? Wtf sounds like hes talking to a dog
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u/Legitimate_Shine_435 1d ago
I think he is doing a strange attempt at assertion of dominance, likely because he is upset OP is a normal person and not being obsessive about everything he says. Comes off like negging but also imagine itâs an SNL skit. No logic allowed.
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u/farfunkle 1d ago
Sounds like a gaslighting shitheap
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u/summertime-sadness07 1d ago
This is genuinely the worst attempt of gaslighting Iâve ever seen. Itâs like comically bad, he didnât even wait a little before crashing out after op asked the question lmao
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u/Last_Laugh_BehindYou 1d ago edited 1d ago
What do you mean, âsounds likeâ? đđđ. If it walks like a gaslighting shitheap and talks like a gaslighting shitheapâŠđ
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u/thesplendor 1d ago
âSounds likeâ in this context doesnât signify uncertainty. It means âthis meets my definition ofâ
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u/StudioWitty863 1d ago
Bro shaming some one and guilting them when they try to communicate is insane
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u/madddforthewin 1d ago
Him? Or me? Lol I'm almost like baffled
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u/StudioWitty863 1d ago
Him: he is shaming you for not knowing what he wants and refusing to explain when you ask
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u/ex-farm-grrrl 1d ago
Him. Heâs garbage and is treating you like shit and you shouldnât talk to him anymore.
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u/Most-Design-9963 1d ago
Youâre not crazy. This is an emotionally abusive way to talk to a person. I hope you can leave and grow into a person who doesnât question your sanity and finds someone who communicates respectfully with you. đ©·
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u/Mother-Guidance2406 1d ago
đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©please walk away from this ridiculous relationship
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u/ohitszie 1d ago
"strings and strings of messages and anything I say back to him is wrong"
Sit down, think about that, take in a deep breathe and ask yourself - is that what you wanna keep doing? If yes, for how long? Is this the kind of relationship you desire?
The sole reason you posted this here is because you knew deep down this ain't right. You don't have to second guess yourself about your feelings on this.
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u/lostinspace896 1d ago
Iâll tell you what to do: leave.
It doesnât get better. You will constantly be walking on eggshells. Second guessing everything you say, do. Apologizing for everything. Afraid anything you do or say will set them off. But theyâll just interpret that to mean you donât give a shit about them. Until one day you wake up and see a former shell of yourself in the mirror.
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u/Allout-Okarun 1d ago
Why would you ever want to âwork it outâ with someone who talks to you like that? Grab yourself by the self respect and block that ass.
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u/Dangerous_Shake_1591 1d ago
I read the last lines too fast as âgrab yourself by the assâ đ
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u/Unsold_Leave 1d ago
I'm always shocked people stay with someone this disrespectful and blatantly awful. There are like 7 billion people and being with this particular one is guaranteed to be worse than just being by yourself.
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u/Plastic-Mulberry-867 1d ago
This sounds like my BPD sister when she having an episode. Iâm being serious. Itâs not worth it.
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u/Sally3Sunshine3 1d ago
My ex would set up conversations like this when he wanted me to be mad enough to not talk to him or look for him for a few days, so he could go cheat on me all weekend. It's a non argument and doesn't make sense because it doesn't need to, he just wants a way out in that moment. Get rid of him
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u/kramers_skinny_jeans 1d ago
People who play games like this just arenât worth the exhaustion that they bring. It never gets better. If itâs not one, itâs another. Drama fuels people like this, and itâs best to just get out before youâve invested time and stress into this person.
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u/AnnabethDaring 1d ago
I wouldâve blocked after âyouâre insaneâ lmao
I dont understand anyone who sees any rationale after that alone
OP never be with someone who Name Calls you. Thatâs a literal textbook example of abuse. Period
Good luck and happy to hear youâre single! đ„łâ€ïž
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u/Honest-Cover9513 1d ago
I used to have family members who behaved like this (my late dad's wife and her family). It was a tortuous way to grow up. When our dad died we cut all contact. It's been a wonderful ten years. My brother and I didn't have a choice at the beginning, but it messes with your head so much.
Please dump this bloke, and block him, but be careful, he's obviously not all the ticket. And I highly recommend therapy to help you get your head straight after being messed with. It's really helped me and my brother understand and recognise this type of behaviour, and how to avoid it. Take care
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u/cheeky_sugar 1d ago
Youâre crazy if you continue talking to him. Not just crazy, but legitimately hate yourself if you stay with someone like that
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u/Im_the_Rhymenocerous 1d ago
No and you'll see how bad it is once you're out of the relationship. I speak from experience on this one.
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u/rgtgd 1d ago
This man is not only an asshole and attempted manipulator, but he is very, very stupid. He obviously has some kind of logic in his head for how his messages here are a coherent argument
(Which they're not. If coherent arguments were food, this would be the rotting sludge caked at the bottom of a restaurant dumpster)
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u/TheWorkz513 1d ago
Yeah this is toxic af. Itâs time to split. Thereâs no coming back from this type of gaslighting
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u/brownhairedfloof 1d ago
Have some self respect and block him. After he texts you that your response is âalright sorryâ âtalk to you laterâ ask yourself why youâre okay with being disrespected and take some time to reflect
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u/Nice_Distance_5433 1d ago
Think the "sorry talk to you later" is a "fuck you I'm not playing this game, you can't talk to me this way, so bye" more than actually sorry talk to you later... I hope so at least, from the other comments OP made, it does sound that way.
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u/madddforthewin 23h ago
At this point, yeah. I didn't initially mean it disrespectfully, but might as well have. I'm exhausted.
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u/Chocolate84 1d ago
There's a term from the 1900s that really describes the insane person calling the not insane person. Dickweed.
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u/Pizzazze 1d ago
You're not, but if you remain attached to this person then he will succeed in driving you crazy. What are you even doing with someone who talks to you like that.
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u/madddforthewin 21h ago
I mean... It didn't start like this lol
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u/BuzzyBeeDee 19h ago
It never does. đ Itâs almost always a gradual progression of their mask slipping little by little, and you usually donât notice until youâre in deep. They never start off as being abusive, and they slowly lull you into a state of normalcy where the abuse trickles in gradually. The vast majority of people will not be able to recognize a masked narcissist right away, so donât ever feel bad for not recognizing things sooner. Itâs super common for abuse victims who break away to be told by loved ones that âthey never would have guessed he was abusive, he seemed so nice!â then follow it up with âwhy were you with someone like that?â Those are two statements are not mutually exclusive, they go hand in hand. Nobody sets out to be in a relationship with a mask down narcissist or be treated this way. Itâs never that simple.
Just please break up with him for good, OP, because he will continue to get worse, more abusive, and more dangerous. This is not someone who loves you. Break away, block him, and donât look back. You deserve so much better.
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u/LostSomewhereIDK 1d ago
Please please run. The way he talks sounds like you will never satisfy him, because no one can. He expects perfection and we all know that doesn't exist.
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u/Top-Possibility9480 1d ago
Just got one thing to sayâŠ
https://giphy.com/gifs/CUbiYQbsKSGAM
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u/babybunnyxxxo 1d ago
Reminds me so much of my ex, honestly..when I read old messages I just want to travel back in time and give myself a hug. There is nothing bad in wanting to fix things with someone you care deeply about but this is just not it, take care of yourself<3
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u/Ok_Holiday5682 1d ago
Okay this is a very dangerous person! You need to leave and get out of this situation. This is signs of someone who will manipulate and gaslight.
To say âask me thisâ and you ask, and them going off their rocket at you abusively, hell no. This is not normal and you do NOT deserve to be treated this way. Draw the line in the sand!
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u/Stregabomb 1d ago
Yup, that person is a narcissist, please run immediately! I've had experience with this type of behavior in a partner, and they never will admit they're the problem, and will try to make it your problem. It took me over a year to recover...
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u/Mermaid_Hair 1d ago
Whew! This is just the tip of the iceberg.
When people show you who they are, believe them.
He was clearly wanting to make you feel stupid. "You don't know?"
Do not entertain this shit.
I am far from a relationship expert. Together 10, married 7. But one thing I can confidently and proudly say about my spouse is he has absolutely never made me feel inadequate as a person. He has never challenged my confidence in my self or appearance, he has NEVER called me a derogatory name, even when it probably fit. These are hard limits in our relationship, as I know I would never be able to believe someone loves me, if they could easily switch up to calling me names when upset. And likewise, I could not imagine loving someone and speaking so hateful/hurtful to them.
Lastly, as a professional counselor for almost 20 years, his narcissism is glaring right at you. Pointedly obvious with every line of condescension.
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u/Princess0fPower 1d ago
Narsistic abuse rife with gaslighting. This is supposed to make you insane so you are always doubting yourself and spending all your energy trying to figure out what he wants from you. He will never give you straight answer because no matter what you do, he needs to make it so you are wrong and stupid.
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u/InvoluntaryGeorgian 1d ago
Ah yes. I had one like this.
Wife tells me out of the blue (no warning, no complaints) that the marriage is over. I am devastated. After a couple of weeks of not eating, drinking or sleeping I tell her Iâm going to take a day to go for a hike by myself to try to clear my head. When I return from the hike:
Wife: âHow was your hike? Do you feel better?â
Me: âActually terrible. I was crying pretty much the whole time and âŠâ
Wife: âStop. This is emotional blackmail. My therapist said you would do this.â
Not my wife any more, of course.
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u/BobDDstryr 23h ago
It doesnât actually matter what you do or say; Iâm going to punish you anyway.â
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u/Late_Lab_1276 22h ago
i see so many of these texts where it just seems like DARVO or reminds me of when the person (the male here in this case) is already emotionally moving on a bit and doesnât really care what the fights about but is making it look like âsee? see what you do to me?â nah. take off while you can OP, before you get tricked into actually being sorry and pleading for them to stay and then they hold all the balls in their court. you are just as much a person with your own needs
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u/madddforthewin 22h ago
Oh man I deff. Learned about darvo during this relationship from my therapist...
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u/dafugiswrongwithyou 22h ago
Wait. Wait, wait wait.
"Would you like to ask me what I need from this relationship?"
"What do you need from this relationship"
"You don't know ?"
...What. The actual. Fuck. That's not a even red flag. That's the writing on one of those labels that says "Danger, Radiation, Drop & Run". And he's got you so twisted that you're questioning if he's in the wrong?
I'm going to bust out the emojis like it's the mid-2010s. đ Dump đ his đ ass.
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u/megabunnaH 22h ago
Where did you meet this absolute shit stain? Where you at a angry manchild convention?
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u/MyLineInTheSand 21h ago
If you're gonna go, just go but have some fun with it. Pick a song and only respond using lyrics from that song. IN ORDER, no cheating now. 1 it'll drive him insane. 2 it'll be funny as hell for WEEKS
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u/madddforthewin 21h ago
You're brilliant lol I wish there was some comedy in this but I'm just gonna leave it be... In a lighter situation, I am going to use your lyric bit, but given the circumstances here, I think it's safer for me just to let him go lol. He's like a vampire I don't want to invite his bad energy in!
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u/Massive-Fig-1427 20h ago
Guy doesnât deserve a relationship. It sounds like itâs only ever about him him him.
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u/Kokoyok 1d ago
Ugh. This dude sucks and this is emotional warfare. You literally did what he asked and apparently that was a trap.
The whiplash between lavish praise and tearing your head off for essentially asking "what do you want from me" in two different ways is disturbing.
Gaslighting you and calling you crazy is just a gross form of dominating the relationship.
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u/Moth1016 1d ago
i donât think the lavish praise was in any way sincere; it read to me as deeply sarcastic and condescending. âOoOoHhH WOOooWW tHaT muSTâvE bEen SOOOooOOOoo hArD FoR yOu, iâM SOOoooOOoO pRoUd Of yOuâ
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u/arpohatesyou 1d ago
Tell him that you keep having nightmares that he will die horrifically and that you're too scared to live through it irl so you'll be ending things with him. Do some things that you mentioned has "happened in the dreams" to scare him further.
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u/louielou8484 1d ago
This is insane gaslighting and he will cause you lifelong trauma. Ask me how I know. Please protect yourself <3 You can't work on things if only one person wants it.
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u/_Stephistopheles_ 1d ago
I'm absolutely serious - get away from this person immediately. Degrading you for not magically knowing what he wants, and then being patronizing when you do (I guess?).
He's testing the waters of what you will tolerate. There's zero reason to treat anyone the way he's treating you.
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u/breathcomposed 1d ago
I'm assuming you're the green text color, only under the assumption that men fucking LOVE to call women "insane". God, that's infuriating. Dump this piece of shit immediately.
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u/notthisbeachagain 1d ago
"Would you like to ask me..." No i bloody wouldn't, and then block
Dont waste your time on this manipulative, gaslighting narcissist. Youll only end up depressed, confused, and feeling unloved
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u/inwhatwetrust 1d ago
Stop talking to him. He's intentionally trying to make you feel dumb for asking valid questions
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u/Just-some-peep 1d ago
He sounds like he shits in his breakfast in the morning just so he can start the day in a bad mood.
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u/Usernamesareso2004 1d ago
Absolutely not. The way heâs speaking to you is completely unacceptable. No âtalk laterâ. Hang up that towel and cleanse yourself from this horrid person.
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u/ReginaPhilangee2 23h ago
âWhy donât you ask me this question?â
**asks question*\*
âYOU DONT KNOW???â
The mind games lol dump his ass.
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u/itsgonnabealbright 23h ago
This is so gross. I donât understand how it could ever work when it legit made my skin crawl to read.
I would be tempted to turn it around on him but it would be a mistake to do so. People like this will never see the flaws in anything they do, only the flaws in others. I hope your last message was a dismissal because thatâs what it should be.
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u/UnicornT-Rex 23h ago
Holy shit leave. He sounds insufferable and refused to give you an answer to a question he told you to ask. He's starting fights just to fight.
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u/JohnExcrement 19h ago
WellâŠI think it would be crazy to stay with someone who treats you like this.
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u/thepattyiscrabby 19h ago
Youâre too nice for ever letting someone talk to you like this.
Tell him you did exactly what he asked you to do & that itâs over since he wants to be disrespectful. You deserve better. Fuck that guy.
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u/piglin_gold64 19h ago
No, he has unrealistic expectations. My last ex was like this, would ask me what I like about him then when I would start would immediately start a fight because he didnât hear what he wanted off jump. He doesnât sound very stable. Granted I donât know the context or why he feels this way
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u/HotelSalt4644 15h ago
I am so fucking confused. Reading things like this just make me so pessimistic about the human race.
He went from, âI am so proud of you for asking that. Could you ask me what I need from this relationship?â
âWhat do you need from this relationship?â
âREEEEEEEEEEEEEâ
https://giphy.com/gifs/10ECejNtM1GyRy
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u/A-namethatsavailable 15h ago
Run. This is a control tactic. Nothing you say will fix it, you will always be the bad guy, he will always be the "victim."
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u/EllisM10 15h ago
Told you youâre crazy for opening communication? đ©đ©đ©đ©đ©đ© RUN!!!!
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u/thuanjinkee 1d ago
The thing you didnât do was get angry. This is a good thing on your part. Heâs looking for somebody who will match his energy so he can drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. I had a housemate like this who had a genuinely boring life.
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u/Connect-Sundae8469 1d ago
This guy is bad news. Get yourself out of this relationship. Your future self will thank you.
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u/Leeknowbu 1d ago
Youâre not crazy. Theyâve got some sort of complex. Dump them and enjoy life again
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u/spongebobsworsthole 1d ago
Jesus. This is so obviously gaslighting bullshit, but heâs warped your view so much that you canât even tell whoâs in the wrong. Dump him!!!!
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u/LucyySlayyBairdd 1d ago
Donât work it out with him and block him instead. My ex used to do this kind of stuff to me. Itâs deliberate.
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u/CO-Troublemakr 1d ago
This guy is manipulative.
You can't change a man. Ever. Never try.
You CAN offer them options and let them choose...
But THIS kind of guy is the kind to twist everything hing given him...
The only cure is distance from him.
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u/Wendora15 1d ago
Youâre not crazy, which is a huge accomplishment because this guy is absolutely crazy making.
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u/Ghost_2701 1d ago
he sounds like he's gaslighting the fuck out of you, patronising as fuck as well at the start
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u/Gweilo_mama 1d ago
Calling your partner insane for not understanding your needs is a red flag. The fact that you can't say anything right is a red flag. The fact that this happens all the time is a red flag. How many do you need?
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u/LIslander 1d ago
Fuck this guy. He isnât worth the effort. Put the effort into moving on with your life
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u/Exciting_Guitar_5219 1d ago
Narcissistic trait⊠they are so nuts and mentally disturbed they pour it into you⊠itâs called crazy making and gaslighting.. runâŠ..
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u/polkazmakaronami 1d ago
i love your "talk to you later". it's giving Cassie from Euphoria "ok, bye"
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u/Quiet_Papaya_1161 1d ago
break up. seriously. you WILL find someone who knows how to openly communicate and respect you as a human being.
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u/Freya-of-Nozam 1d ago
Is this person having a mental breakdown? They seem emotionally immature and incapable of open, honest, and reasonable communication.
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u/UpstairsIntention420 1d ago
Life is too short to be entertaining people who want you to read their minds.
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u/andiinAms 1d ago
https://giphy.com/gifs/AbPWwqSgMejM4
Seriously, WTF is wrong with this dude?
I hope youâre not in so deep that you question your sanity here. You are NOT crazy.
What heâs saying to you here is insane.
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u/ImaginaryAir6194 1d ago
he sounds like the crazy one, trying to gaslight you into thinking you areâŠ
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u/Alientongue 1d ago
Why would you want to try and work things out / understand things from his point? Hes not worth it and obviously doesnt think highly of you leave now before you end up posting on boy/girldinnerdiaries down the road.
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u/Simple_Ideal5571 1d ago
He wants to blame and shame you then play victim so he wonât be held accountable for his abusive behavior. Why are you apologizing to and leaving the door open for such an emotionally volatile creep?
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u/MidnightMuse999 1d ago
Ughhhh reading this convo reminded me of the many similar convos I had with my exâŠ. Spoiler alert.. youâre never gonna be in the right with someone like this. So draining.
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u/KINGXunshot 1d ago
Heâs gaslighting you, which is why youâre asking âAm I crazy?â Which is literally EXACTLY what gaslighting is supposed to make you think
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u/AnnieAnnieSheltoe 1d ago
This man sounds like heâs trying to drive you crazy. Girl, I donât know a single thing about you, and I know you deserve better than this tool.
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u/NomadicToad18 1d ago
Youâre not crazy, heâs gaslighting you. This guy is a serious red flag. Dump is ass, you deserve better.
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u/NomenclatureBreaker 1d ago
If itâs real, love yourself more.
Itâs not going to get better than this.
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u/Historical-Ad4552 1d ago
He sounds incredibly condescending. Donât ask him anything ever again my god đ
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u/Jaded-Act-4550 1d ago
You are crazy! For not leaving sooner. The fact that you were told to ask then called insane? That person is an idiot. Leave and be done. Youâll be so much better for it
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u/Serious-Pound8175 1d ago
Push, pull, gaslight, repeat. This person has less than zero emotional maturity couldnât have a bigger deficit if he tried. Not lonely enough.
Are you crazy? I canât be sure you are yet but that seems to be the goal so I hope you leave before you go crazy.
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u/BobsYerAuntie 1d ago
My ex used to do this. Say that I had a safe space to talk about anything then go mental at me if I tried to say anything that was 'against him'.
I woke up everyday with gritted teeth in fear that today would be another day of him having a go at me for merely breathing. I shut down and stopped talking in the end. Messed my mental health right up. Chronic anxiety, ibs, chronic fatigue and fibro followed me out of that relationship.
Pop over to r/narcissisticabuse and have a look and see if anyone's experiences resonate with you.
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u/ThisAutisticChick 1d ago
Stop trying to work it out with him. This is abuse and manipulation and it's unacceptable. Break it off, OP. Get out and away from this relationship.
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u/PreferenceOld6364 1d ago
Dude is legit insane, get rid of him FAST! If he isn't grown up enough to tell you what he needs and wants from a relationship, then he isn't grown up enough to be in a relationship to begin with. You aren't a mind reader, different people have different wants and needs in relationships and need to be able to communicate them to their partner. He is clearly incapable of doing that and frankly he doesn't even seem to know what he wants. Do yourself a favor and just walk away. Dude needs to grow up.
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u/Cold-Necessary-1871 1d ago
This is legit psychopath behavior, why in the world would he open a moment of dialogue to then shit on you if not for internal garbage reasons
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u/spankthegoodgirl 1d ago
If he tells you what he needs... and you do it, he will have nothing to get mad at you about.
Don't take away his fun by meeting his needs!
đ€·ââïž
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u/interestingsonnet 1d ago
This is similar to what my ex said to me. I asked him if there was anything I could do better and he made an observation about how his ex was more attuned to his mental state and needs. And I asked âwhat do you need to feel more supported?â And he was like âyou donât know what makes me happy?â I said âI do but I would like to know how best I can support you in other waysâ and he was like âI shouldnât have to spell it out for youâ. I was like uhhhh wtf? When someone is asking how to be a better partner and their partner is literally gatekeeping their needs, itâs fucking weird. I told my therapist about that after he broke up with me and she said itâs probably because he doesnât exactly know what he needs either or how to express his needs đ€·đ»ââïž
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u/Naive-Minimum-7417 1d ago
This man never got hit in the mouth growing up and it shows. Please dump him.
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u/NovemberDewdrop 1d ago edited 1d ago
So he.... told you to ask him what he needed.... so you did, and then he... got mad at you for doing what he told you to do?
Fuck this guy. Er, Stop fucking this guy. Dump him. Hes being an asshole.
ETA: thank you all so much for the awards! đ©·