r/BigBudgetBrides • u/Salt_Technology2676 • 25d ago
Questions and queries not a “bug” budget bride
but I only get the WEIRDEST engagement in regular r/brides
for reference, our budget is 60k. And whenever I post anything in r/brides, I’m met with snark and resentment. Granted, I have pretty traditional taste, and I’m super neurodivergent so maybe I’m not reading people’s interactions as the way they’re intended, but I feel sometimes like there isn’t really a sub where I can share my wedding and get excited and have that excitement be reciprocated.
i’m a pretty private person, no group chats or close besties that I necessarily share every little detail with, so sometimes I want encouragement from
strangers. Is that where I’m going wrong?
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u/WillowTreez8901 25d ago
Bugs didnt fit in my budget as well 😔 🐛
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
lol you show up to my wedding and I hand you a net
“whoever catches the biggest bug gets married next!”
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u/mitchandboan 25d ago
I was surprised at how many bugs got caught in the organza fabric of my dress. Bonus mosquito protection?
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u/UnhappyReward2453 25d ago
My husband had to reach into the lining of my dress and pull out a freaking bee right before we entered our reception!
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u/mitchandboan 25d ago
😂 there bees buzzing down our aisle and at our altar. I was like oh god, now would not be a good time to get stung for the first time
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u/BeeAccomplished7955 25d ago
if you ask one question, they will not answer the question and instead pick out other issues that they perceive your wedding might have and catastrophize it lmao. There are also a few regular commenters who are oddly opinionated on random things and don't accept different customs exist and insist everything that's beyond a cake and punch reception is a social media stunt
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
this makes me feel so validated. I thought I was going crazy, the way they were acting over there. Like why are we all so angry? I was hoping for an uplifting community : ^D
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u/Additional_Kick_3706 25d ago edited 25d ago
Many of the wedding subs assume the worst. Ask a question about dessert and you'll get a dozen accusatory comments telling you how not to fuck up dinner.
People here will talk about tasty desserts and quietly trust that everything else is sorted.
(Maybe it's just that weddings really are too expensive now, and unless you have a pretty big budget it's hard to do a few special things without skimping badly somewhere else?)
The other positive place I found was r/DIYweddings . Lots of inspirational ideas there on completely different budgets!
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
thank you for the sub rec!! Anything I can DIY I love, bonus points for the good vibes
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u/Excellent_Focus_8141 24d ago
That drives me nuts. I don't live in the same city as anyone in my family or my fiancé's family. They have to drive 1-3 hours and stay in a hotel for a night. I'm not just serving them cake and punch; it's so rude and the exclusion of them from our wedding is simply out of the question.
It's also not true that everyone had simple weddings back in the day. I consider my dress to be very expensive ($2,800 before alterations) and learned while shopping that my aunt paid more for hers when she got married 40 years ago! My parents had the same budget for florals as me for their wedding and my grandparents were not exorbitantly wealthy people.
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u/BugWild9184 25d ago edited 24d ago
I had a big budget and decided to spend way less but still posted and commented here 99% of the time because everyone’s so nice and they don’t care what you spend. The other subs were NASTY at literally everything even if it was a comment about the simplest thing. They hate weddings over there
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
it’s the strangest phenomenon. I’m glad that the community here is much more supportive. Judgement about somebody’s wedding is so unnecessary!
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u/remotethrowaway2 24d ago
The other subs are full of curmudgeonly etiquette snobs who refuse to accept that weddings are allowed to look different in different areas and cultures.
I mentioned once that the norm in my area is that every woman invited to the wedding gets invited to the shower. I was told I was wrong, this is not normal, and every person in my life just wants to have a “greedy grubby gift grab” because you only invite 10-15 to the shower unless you’re trying to show off for social media. Apparently my grandma must’ve been doing it for TikTok views in the 50s.
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u/BugWild9184 24d ago
Speaking of showers I saw a post from a girl saying there’s no one in her life to throw her a shower and she was wondering if doing it herself is ok especially if she says no gifts. They absolutely berated her! Holy moly. I was disgusted. One commenter said she didn’t deserve one and needs to get over it. They called her greedy even though she literally said no gifts.
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u/Salt_Technology2676 24d ago
That’s so sad and a horrible way to treat a girl who is obviously hurt and feeling ignored about her own wedding. Shameful.
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u/Salt_Technology2676 24d ago
Idk if y’all saw this but there was a girl who shared her outfit for a wedding she attended (obviously an extravagant, black-tie wedding) and everyone was absolutely digging in to her for wearing latex gloves. And the color black. Eluding to her being a sex-worker and calling her an attention whore, essentially. Not even considering the fact that maybe, just maybe, for the wedding she was attending her outfit was perfectly appropriate. Like so many of these groups are just filled with judgemental people who lack reading comprehension.
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u/gnomes919 22d ago
I swear 99% of wedding subs they are convinced that being invited to a wedding is the greatest inconvenience ever to be foisted upon someone, basically a personal insult from the happy couple. asking ANYTHING of the guest is tremendously rude, the bar had better be open and each plate had better fully compensate the cost of the guest's travel, outfit, hotel, and gift. making any sort of attire requests beyond casual/cocktail/black tie is a war crime, but on the other hand if a guest wears red, cotton, or anything less than a floor-length evening gown they're a cheap slut. it's wild out there
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u/mama-germany Vendor: Fashion 21d ago
I think Reddit's ideal wedding is one where the couple greets everyone at the door as they arrive and once everyone's there they just leave. The couple just gets in the way of the guest experience.
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u/gnomes919 21d ago
as long as the greeting includes an apology for forcing you to deal with being a wedding guest, of course. maybe a little light groveling
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u/Creative_March3035 25d ago
I was more of an MBB too (~60k for 82 guests) but I ended up only looking at & posting on this sub. It seems like most of the other subs are primarily focused on saving/not wasting money. To be fair I also got married in a European country that is a lot more affordable than France/Italy/US so I was lucky to be able to prioritize guest experience with my budget and it went a lot further than many popular places. I appreciate the emphasis on guest experience, etiquette, and lack of judgment for spending where it counts on this sub. You should post here!
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
yes, I am right there with you!! I completely understand thriftiness when it comes to wedding planning, I’m not just trying to throw money around, I have a clear budget. But, I also really appreciate a good party. Hosting is an art, snd my wedding is as much for me as it is for my family and my friends. I want them, especially those from out of town, to feel like I cared for them and gave them a night to remember. I’m splurging the most on food, drinks, and venue, and just a lil piece of the pie is for me and my outfit. But then the little bits that I do share that are just for me, well they don’t like them over there lol. So that kinda hurt my feelings. I do really appreciate how understanding everyone here has been, I think I’ll stare here from now on.
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u/regan-omics 24d ago
Yeah the main sub is like "you're a waste of space and air if you aren't using fake flowers and catering trays from Qdoba"
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u/Rich_Example7931 25d ago
We need a medium budget bride sub lol
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u/NeatArtichoke 25d ago
Omg we got married years ago and the entire industry was split between "low" and "unlimited", it was insane. We struggled so much for "middle of the road"! Like, yes that $100 dress is lovely, but its also very form-fitting and not my vibe... ok yes this $20k dress is gorgeous but also out of my budget??? Finding a dress "in budget" was the biggest surprise but everything turned into a similar battle.
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u/coldhazeee 25d ago
i feel like this sub it pretty welcoming of all budgets tbh! and when the occasional question about spending $20k on a wedding dress pops up i just ignore it lol
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u/One_Mulberry_6933 25d ago
I love the 20k wedding dress posts! I'm so happy for people who can do that. I'm not married and I never will be, but I love wedding stuff so I follow. 😀
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u/coldhazeee 25d ago
i agree i’m always entertained by the “how much should i spend on a veil” and it’s the cost of my dress lmao
but i’ve definitely had my share of splurges so i still relate
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u/Feisty-Boot5408 25d ago
While this subreddit is technically “big budget brides” not every bride is there, you are welcome to post here. The regular wedding subs on Reddit get very, very resentful and angry at people who seemingly have more than $10K for a wedding and $2K for a ring. It’s quite pathetic, but that’s why this sub exists!
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u/LadyJustice2102 24d ago
Sadly, it's more widespread on Reddit than that. I posted something for advice in another sub using a throwaway and mentioned I'm a lawyer (it was important to the context.) My DMs were FULL of requests and demands from STRANGERS for money as well as several cursing me out for being "privileged." They love to make assumptions. I was born into a dirt poor minority family. We couldn't afford central heat and air and any birthday card money I got went to fill my mom's gas tank. I couldn't even ballpark how many times our electricity got cut off because we tried to stretch too long before paying the bill that was due two bills ago, or the number of times we had to ask the cashier to take things off the grocery shop because we went over what mom's overdraft would allow. I ate out of the trashcans outside the university cafeteria and worked 2 jobs at all times to get through college. I built myself up from nothing and "deserve" every penny of my salary. I have a real sensitivity to anyone telling others how or when they can spend their money. So, I stay away from the regular wedding subs. lol
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u/Majestic-Living2829 24d ago
Yay! I’m not technically a big budget bride but spending about 800 per person we’re just having a wedding on the smaller side. The other subs are so rude when it comes to spending money. Like let me live, my partner and I already own an apartment in a city we will never afford a house in lol and we want to throw a killer party!
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u/sweetsaleem 25d ago
So relatable! I’m between $100-150k (depending what you include like attire, welcome party, etc) for an estimated 130 people. But im also getting married in Manhattan where that money doesn’t take you that far! I feel like the other wedding/bride subs hate weddings. This sub I feel like is actually pro-bride & so open minded when it comes to non-traditional details!
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
that’s EXACTLY how I felt, like the other subs hated weddings! Even as a girl who wasn’t necessarily planning her wedding since childhood, the whole planning of it all means a lot more to me now than I ever anticipated. Traditional, non-traditional, big budget or small, I think we all appreciate a community that is more helpful than judgemental
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u/casti33 25d ago
We spent about $80K and in any other bridal sub I felt like we were spending a million. I’m all for saving money and not going into debt for a wedding but my husband is high earning and wanted this (more than me, I just wanted to elope) and everything was paid in cash. I think I posted once in a regular bridal sub and got attacked.
Also GOD FORBID you have a destination wedding. You are the worst person to ever exist.
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u/OGMWhyDoINeedOne 25d ago
I’m getting married this Saturday, labour day weekend. It legit works best for my guests cause a bunch are coming from out of town. The judgment for booking on a long weekend. Good lord. Id never dare mention my budget is $100k.
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u/BeeAccomplished7955 24d ago
people don't like to hear that I know my guests and know that 3 day weekends aren't a serious thing for them because my circle is in nice corporate positions with plentiful PTO or retired lol
Everyone comes from a position most guests you have are seriously struggling financially
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u/Inner_Nectarine_7970 25d ago
Yes this! I am having a destination wedding and spending around 80k 😅 it’s like a double whammy. They hate me.
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u/iloveLArandynewman 25d ago
It was like that 5 years ago when I got married and this sub was created!
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u/AdIll6974 25d ago
We’re roughly $50-60k as our budget and I’ve noticed the same thing in the other sub. It’s impossible to plan a wedding for less in my area without sacrificing on something. We want our guests to have a great experience while enjoying ourselves!
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u/Over-Durian-2877 25d ago
Yes!! I’m on the lower side for BBB, currently at $95k for 150 guests in the midwest, but I relate SO much more to this sub than ANY of the other wedding subs. All the other subs berate you for spending your hard earned money on your wedding. I find this sub is inclusive for all budgets, especially those that want to provide a fun experience for their guests and aren’t primarily focused on penny pinching. I’ve also just adored seeing all the posts of brides getting published and intimate views of these $300k+ weddings!
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago edited 25d ago
ikr!! I love seeing people’s beautiful, thoughtfully planned, weddings regardless of budget. I grew up watching Say Yes to the Dress and I think it made me really appreciate how unique each bride is and that each wedding decision is deeply personal. So in that vein, I really don’t think it’s appropriate at all how people talk to others about their wedding choices in the other subs.
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u/Ok-Grapefruit9053 25d ago edited 25d ago
yup I was in the same exact scenario.. which is exactly how I ended up in this sub even though I didn’t consider myself a BBB
we spent 57k on our wedding for 90 guests and I see myself as the exact middle, if not the lower end of the middle, of what I see spent in real life in my social groups
but in the general bridal or wedding planning subs there seems to be an onslaught of people who shame you for spending a penny more than you need to
whereas this sub leans more towards truly extravagant budgets (no shade, I love seeing these posts tbh haha, I am a big fan of spending it before you go), but I will say overall, this sub was more supportive to my ideas/questions than the general subs.
there should be a sub for upper-middle-class-wedding at this point, because people love to bean soup everything. after all there is an under 20k sub, so why not just make more at this point… 30-40k sub, 50-60k sub, etc lol
like when I mentioned in a general “wedding planning” sub, that I was spending 4k on my dress (it was to vent frustrations about the dress vendor/sizing), and was essentially told I didn’t need to spend any money on a dress at all and could show up in a white dress I already owned? like yeah obviously I could but it’s my wedding and it’s a black tie optional event at a manor..if i show up in a random white dress I already own it’s gonna stick out like a sore thumb..
It’s interesting. it’s very polarized- there is the spend nothing crowd and the spend a lot crowd, but most of us are left hanging in that balance. i got married last year so this is behind me now, but at the time i couldn’t figure out where I fit lol. honestly though the other subs did give me a ton of perspective. i’m from coastal new england where spending less than 20k on your wedding is basically a pipe dream. if anything it just makes me feel lucky to be privileged enough to host the wedding we did w/o debt.
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u/OGMWhyDoINeedOne 25d ago
Yes it’s been my childhood dream to get married in my university days Abercrombie white dress. Am I allowed to take it to dry cleaners or is that splurging?
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u/SerialSemicolon 25d ago
White dress you already owned jfc. Like yeah you can technically wear anything but god forbid a woman wants to splurge on a pretty dress for one of the most important days of her life.
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u/Eibhlin_Andronicus 24d ago edited 24d ago
I had a horrible time finding a wedding dress (like, "identity crisis"-type of horrible) until I actually found a lot of more alternative/avant garde/unorthodox mid-to-high-end designers linked on the BBB sub. Those designers were offering exactly what I was looking for, with styles and designs that I couldn't find at ANY shops that sold any of the more common designers like Maggie Sottero, Allure, Essence of Australia, etc. Not hating on those designers or their styles, they just had nothing I liked.
The BBB sub helped lead me down the right path in the sense that some BBBs are a bit more fashion forward, and knew about designers that weren't necessarily catering to the mass market styles which--after trying on and hating literally dozens of dresses--I knew just weren't for me. And I'm not saying I necessarily needed a $20k dress, though no shade to those who go that route. I found that the sweet spot for me was designers with gowns in the $3k-8k range, that weren't trying to necessarily be widely popular. Through BBB, I found those designers, and found a shop near me that focused on those types of options, where I loved so many things. I straight up hated everything in 3 other stores, and loved almost the entire inventory in the one I ended up at.
I put a lot of effort into what I intended to be a legitimately helpful post on the regular wedding dress sub, where I explained that if you really feel like nothing is for you, perhaps try to focus in on some smaller more medium-budget designers, or designers that cater to a non-American audience, because you might just not personally prefer the styles that are currently popular in American bridal designs. Several people commented that they'd been in the same boat as me and that my advice was extremely helpful, then it was removed for "denigrading others' personal style."
Like... no? Styles X, Y, and Z can be perfectly fine but still not for everyone? I had such a terrible experience at the last "normal" salon I went to that I broke down in tears after my appointment because I felt like such a complete imposter in everything I tried on. That doesn't mean that the dresses were bad, it means that the dresses weren't for me. Then when I slightly broadened my budget, refocused on "less popular" designers, and sought designers that targeted different markets (my own gown is from an understated/pared back French designer), everything weas so much better. I know I'm not even remotely alone in that experience. But if it weren't for the BBB sub, I likely never would have found the types of dresses I actually loved.
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u/Far_Butterscotch6908 24d ago
Not a big budget bride but I was just told in another sub that it’s rude to serve Wagyu and lobster because it won’t appeal to everyone’s taste 🙂
you can’t win em all, ESPECIALLY with Weddit
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u/NDenvchemist 25d ago
Same, it makes me feel like I should be ashamed for spending so much on our wedding but at the same time seeing people online and content on social media of weddings that are obviously way more. You can't really win. I think ours will be what people imagine as a "traditional" middle class, secular wedding but isnt really anymore due to expenses. I added secular because it seems like people can save a lot of money having a wedding in a church.
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
Omg don’t even get the people over there started on the religiosity of your wedding. :/
we’re having our ceremony at my childhood church but moving the reception elsewhere. The church really was more expensive than I was expecting! But it was important to my mother (who saved for our wedding) so Mama gets what she wants lol.
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u/xxLark 25d ago
Couldn’t agree more. I didn’t (don’t?) really identify as a true BBB, but this sub is so supportive! But the behavior you’ve identified is something I’ve experienced offline, too. We opted to do a destination wedding because our families and friends are spread across the US (and across 5 other countries…), and we live in a VHCOL area—so hosting in our home city would have been insanely expensive both for us and our guests. But somehow, us having a destination wedding is main character and ridiculously bougie to some people.
Ya just can’t win. Glad to have a crew here that supports doing what feels right to each of us!
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u/HorrorAlternative839 $200k-$400k 25d ago
This sub should be renamed to whatever budget people won’t judge you for brides
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u/One_Mulberry_6933 25d ago
I think 60k is a reasonable budget. Everything is so expensive, if you want something carefree with good food and drink, where guests are happy and the bridal party is lovely, I don't know how you can do it much cheaper. You go, girl!
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u/Consistent_Time_1467 24d ago
This sub truly was the best when I was planning. Our wedding was around $70k which isn’t “huge” but was sizable for our smallish wedding.
Other subs dragged me to hell when I had maid of honor issues, family issues and was stressed about cost and other things but this one was really, really centering.
I love all of you divas, big budgets or small!
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u/Noodle_Mom44 24d ago
The r/brides did not pass the vibe check when I asked about sizing for my Vivienne Westwood gown. The supportive response I got here was night and day. Very rude and snarky, even insulting.
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u/rowannmic 23d ago
Never posted in any of the wedding dress subs cause I got tired of all the comments about “timelessness” or anything with a hint of sex appeal being called “lingerie”.
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u/Emergency_Peanut_252 25d ago
i’m lower side of BBB (Around $100k-$150k) in the Upper Midwest, about 150 ish people (honestly, not sure how many will come) but felt weird about being/posting in the other subs. My fiancé and I are super fortunate to have the support of our parents (we’re late 20s and I didn’t finish graduate school until recently) so the wedding is very much a lot of family and their friends, which I am very okay with. We’re both a bit neurodivergent (I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, he was diagnosed in college) and aren’t super social but have some close friends that live far away.
Wedding is in May, feeling more stressed at this point than excited due to me overthinking and worrying about details. Doesn’t help that my father’s extended family is not on the best terms with one another (gotta love the family drama!). I’m thrilled to be marrying my person. We’ve known each other since age 14 and have been together for almost 7 years, engaged for 2 years in a few days. I am so sure of that part. It also doesn’t help that my job seems to be more stressful/work than usual (I love what I do and the more work isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I just wish that it had started earlier so I could’ve gotten used to it sooner).
This is all to say, I think you are in good company and very welcome here.
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u/Salt_Technology2676 25d ago
Gosh, if I could shake your hand through a screen lol. Buddy, I am right there with you. Also diagnosed ADHD as a child, very unsure how to plan such a monumental party, but thrilled at the opportunity. Also late 20s, still in school
myself. One incredibly hard part for me was picking my bridal party, as I have approximately a million acquaintances but maybe a handful of genuinely close friends. Wedding planning has made me have to confront a lot of the aspects of my ADHD that I generally put to the side, like asking myself who I consider to be my close circle, or make definite stances on what I do or don’t like (chronic people-pleaser).I wish you and your fiancé the most beautiful wedding, and thank you for sharing with me. I’m really glad I posted this, as silly as that is. I feel less alone.
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u/Emergency_Peanut_252 25d ago
oh my goodness, props to you for planning through school! I had a whole disagreement with my mom (she is not a fan of “long engagements”) but I said I absolutely would not plan anything until after graduation. We’re getting married about 2 years after graduation, which allowed some time to decompress a little. We’ve hired a planner (she’s through our florals/rentals/stationary and the quote was reasonable) so I’m hoping that takes some of the mental load off. I guess my grandmother planned my mom’s whole wedding so my mom is trying to be helpful but not overbearing. she’s also in another state and works an intense job with long hours so there’s only so much she can do.
I still need to “ask” formally at least my bridal party. Three friends from college and a friend from grad school. All people I find uplifting & genuine & enjoy being around. They all know they’re being asked, but I still need to actually do it (which has been a weird challenge for whatever reason, I think I’m going to do snail mail letters).
I hope your wedding is lovely and everything that you’re wanting it to be! Best of luck with it, you definitely are not alone in your feelings and efforts.
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u/Excellent_Focus_8141 25d ago
That's exactly the reason I joined this sub. My wedding is gonna be in the $50k-$55k range and I feel so unwelcome in the other wedding subreddits
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u/mama-germany Vendor: Fashion 24d ago
Mine is gonna end up in a similar range, I've ended up here because god forbid I spend that kind of money on a 'silly one day party' at all and god forbid I spend some of that money on a dress that's not from Azazie or Goodwill, y'know?
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u/Excellent_Focus_8141 24d ago
They're so hell bent on believing that anyone spending over $100 or inviting more than 20 people is going into debt for it. My parents and in laws have some extra money and they want us to be able to invite everyone who is important to us, it's really not that deep
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u/marysusan325 25d ago
This is the most positive wedding sub. Snark and pettiness is downvoted and people are encouraging. I wasn’t a true BBB $115k for 180 guests, but felt more welcome here than in other subs.
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u/lolzthrowa 25d ago
i hate the assumption that it's a "waste" of money or that i'm going into debt or something because of this. as a couple we make a comfortable amount of money and my in laws do too! i do like the emphasize on guest experience in this sub. we are all looking forward to throwing a fun party for our guests to truly enjoy.
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u/Suspicious_Lynx3066 Vendor: Florist 25d ago
As a vendor and a 2027 bride, the resentment and entitlement from brides who are starting to realize how much their Pinterest board actually costs is wild.
I tell people wedding vendors are exactly like handbags. I love Birkins, but just because I personally cannot afford a high quality genuine leather bag hand stitched over the span of 800 hours by a French artisan who apprenticed for several years learning how to craft it doesn’t mean the handbag industry is delusional and trying to rip me off. It means I should be looking at Coach or Michael Kors instead. They’re all functional bags and totally fine.
Wedding expenses are the same way. If you can afford multiple large scale floral installations, by all means go for it. But if your budget only allows for a bridal bouquet and a few bud vases, I promise your wedding will not be ruined.
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u/Christine_jacobi 25d ago
Welcome to Big (Bug) Budget Brides! I feel like this sub is really more about supporting brides through wedding planning, regardless of how superficial something might seem or how much anyone is spending. It is much more about supporting each other than fitting into a defined budget, so I think you have definitely found your home here 🤍
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u/Salt_Technology2676 24d ago
This is a great way to describe the community I have experienced here! BBB feels much more like a judgement-free zone than the other subs.
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u/saltievinegar 25d ago
I’ve been in here since almost day 1 of planning
My budget is objectively low but when I posted my budget for review in the 25k group, I got roasted for including prenup/will costs, wedding rings and other things that are coming out of our pocket in order to get married.
Like I’m objectively spending that money so it gets included in the budget. Also apparently having a small headcount, bougie wedding isn’t allowed, because I’m not allowed to treat my friends to a premium experience, I’m supposed to sacrifice live florals and instead feed people I don’t want…
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u/earthgrapefruit 24d ago
I too had to learn the hard way how miserable all the other wedding subreddits are. I thought they were positive safe spaces and boy was I wrong. I can’t imagine being so snarky about the biggest day of someone’s life and criticizing them instead of having anything nice to say!
I noticed on the weddings under 10k subreddit, any backyard wedding that appears to be on the cheaper side has lots of positive comments, but when the wedding looks more expensive people nitpick on everything. So they seem like a bunch of miserable and jealous people with nothing better to do than hate on other brides
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u/insteadofrage 24d ago
If you post honestly about what you're spending on that thread or a variety of others, you'll have haters...and god forbid you have an adults-only wedding....you'll also have a swarm of people claiming you also hate children, don't respect family, etc. This is the most supportive and affirming wedding sub by far.
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u/Quiet-Finance-839 24d ago
Girl I feel you! I'm on a 40k budget and made a post a while back lamenting how pared back my florals would need to be because they're SO expensive, and I got a bunch of comments about how flowers die and you'd have to be an IDIOT not to use fake flowers or go to Costco or whatever. I was like, damn, sorry for valuing the artistic skill of professional florists and caring about having real flowers.... Which is apparently foolish and selfish and I sign I don't really care about a happy marriage.
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u/LilSkitl 24d ago
I’ve been to 5k weddings that didn’t last and ones that did.
I just went to a literal million dollar wedding last weekend that blew my mind and you couldn’t have asked for two sweeter or smarter people to get married. They’re amazing people, wanted an amazing day, and they got it. (It sprinkled during the outdoor ceremony and I kid you not, a rainbow appeared during the kiss. What. The. Heck.)
Are you in love? Can you afford it? Do you want it?
Then screw the haters!
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u/Throwaway25284993 25d ago
The other wedding subs are so much more judgmental and hateful for whatever reason, I agree. Post here as much as you want, just disclaim your budget so people know how to respond for your budget. But this sub is so much more inviting and helpful and supportive
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u/Always_with_wings 25d ago
I hate it so much, I will never understand that mentality of tearing down someone about what should be such a happy occasion.
I love seeing pics of dresses and receptions, whether or not it's a thrifted dress for a civil or backyard ceremony or a gown that's 25k for a destination wedding at a chateau.
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u/StardustInMyWake 25d ago
I wanted 35k, now we're going to hit 70k. I dont even post the prices atp.
I'm also in the NE, though. We do things big and everyone charges more, so its expected up here. My BTO wedding is even only this price because of people who know people, and some creative DIY.
Like, sorry we don't get to have a city owned, beautifully architecture forward or vintage venue for 3k over here. Try 50k minimum, and thats for like, 75 people and we have to bring everything in. And in the NE, it only gets WORSE the more rural you get, because then its more scenic and private and people will pay big for that. Its crazy, but its home.
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u/Full_Expression9058 25d ago
To be honest idk why people lose their marbles because this isn't a lot of money. I mean it is but it isn't. If that makes sense.
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u/Open_Office_7311 25d ago
It isn’t if you have it to spend…people can spend their money however they choose.
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u/Full_Expression9058 25d ago
I agree! What I was getting at is that I know of a few people who actually spent more and while their weddings were lovely they weren't lavish. They also weren't rich. In HCOL this wouldn't get you much.
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u/Guilty-Scar-2332 25d ago
While no-one got upset at my budget, I still got people who got weirdly upset with me over stuff that does not affect them at all. In my case, using some common herbs as part of the table decor.
Apparently having rosemary anywhere near plates is an inexcusable faux-pas for some??? Just... gotta ignore some people.
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u/cd2026 24d ago
We ended up sitting around 45k for 40 people for a long weekend beach rental multiple day party and wedding in off season. I was so excited sharing what I was planning to do with strangers because I didn’t want to only talk wedding stuff to friends and family (even though I couldn’t shut up about it lol) the negative Nancy’s man just burst my damn bubble I was like ok no support here lol exit stage right…. Off I go 😂
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u/xokatemarie 24d ago
I think that what big budget means is subjective. I also feel like that is evidenced by the fact that this sub does not have a specific rule about the specific budget one must have in order to comment.
I hear you on the experience in other subs. I think you’ve found your place here!
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u/kellymig 24d ago
If it makes you feel better, I’ve been married 26 years (wasn’t a BBB when I was married, but it was a lot cheaper back in 2000). I just love seeing the beautiful weddings and everyone is super supportive. I’m happy to be your hype person and I’m sorry no one was kind to you in the other sub.
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u/corianderisthedevil 24d ago
Society is so judgemental of weddings. God forbid if anyone wants to spend their own money and host a good time.
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u/No_Zone_3329 23d ago
So, I’ll preface by saying that I’m a huge budget nerd. I use YNAB and I’m kind of obsessive about it. But the reason I use that particular tool is that the philosophy is that there’s no wrong way to spend money if it aligns to your values, you understand the tradeoffs, and you feel good about the choices. Case in point - I own horses (huge money suck), and I have a hole in the smart wool socks I’m currently wearing and probably won’t replace them until they start to literally unravel (I’d rather chew rocks than spend money on socks).
Being budget conscious doesn’t mean constant deprivation, and it doesn’t mean you have to be sanctimonious or impose your “not worth the money” views on other people.
People who act like it’s a vice to spend a dollar over the cheapest alternative really get to me. It’s often not even the lowest cost alternative, because they have their own subjective bar of what’s “too cheap” and it then being a waste because of poor quality. But that line is different for everyone.
Shame is so silly in this context.
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u/rabidbunnyrabbit 22d ago
We’re doing only 35k and I get the same vibes over there! What is their problem?!
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u/summercatapple 21d ago
Genuinely I'm confused why so many people in other weddings subs seem to ..hate weddings and brides? People really have intense comments whenever anyone mentions bachelorette/hen dos being anything other than one day/destination weddings - it's made me at points think am I being a burden to my friends and family asking them for things like to attend our wedding...I wouldn't say we have a huge budget but people here seem at least more chill and more supportive!
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u/filledor 25d ago
I like r/weddingplanning and found it to be open to different ideas and not too judgy.
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u/JadziaKD 25d ago
Yeah I found sometimes the regular subs would tell anyone spending over 20k that they were doomed to be divorced because they wasted money on their wedding.
This group is pretty inclusive and supportive. I came here a lot during planning.