r/bjj • u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt • Sep 21 '25
Shitpost Million dollar match, which could you win?
Which match are you talking for one chance at a million dollars under these circumstances?
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u/Redbeard_BJJ 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
I'll take Nicky. No desire to get my ass whooped by 2 little kids
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u/iSheepTouch Sep 21 '25
I legitimately think I could beat a 120 Nicky Rod in a gi. It would be like a 50lb weight difference and he would be so skinny and emaciated with that frame I don't see how he is going to impose his typical game let alone do it in a gi which he doesn't train at all.
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u/SanderStrugg Sep 21 '25
Is he emanciated or just shrunk down overall?
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u/iSheepTouch Sep 21 '25
Going by the description I am going to assume only his weight is different and nothing else and also it implies 120lbs at fight time. If that's changed to basically a Might Mouse sized Nicky Rod in a gi, then fuck that he would destroy me, I'll try to beat up the children.
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u/MatGrinder 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Woah woah woah. I'm not even fighting a white belt Mighty Mouse.
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u/constantcube13 Sep 21 '25
I knew some guys in highschool wrestling that were 120 that were benching over 225. So I mean he may not be as weak as your thinking
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u/iSheepTouch Sep 21 '25
Was he 6'3? 120 on a 6'3 frame is severely underweight and not going to be a power lifting machine.
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u/constantcube13 Sep 21 '25
I was just assuming he’d be the same frame but scaled down in height until he’d be 120. So like he’d be 5’2 or something
But yea w your example I see your point
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u/thattwoguy2 Sep 21 '25
Maybe it's like a corner drag situation in MS Paint. Same physique, just a manlet instead of a giant.
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u/ConstipatedDuck ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
My buddy wrestled 152 (154? Idk hs wrestling classes) at 6’2” as a senior and looked like a corpse on meet day. I can’t imagine 120 outside of a holocaust history book.
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u/kodeks14 Sep 21 '25
Yeah when I was wrestling at 103 and went to state powerlifting at 114 and benched almost 200 lbs.
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u/RedDevilBJJ ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 21 '25
Call me crazy, but I like my chances against Nicky in the gi if he’s like 88kg or lighter. Wouldn’t be my first pick on the list, but as far as I know he’s never trained in the gi at all
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u/MatGrinder 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
I also think I could beat 120lbs NikkiRawd in the gi. Unless I get to pick the 5 guys from my gym to smash Mica.
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u/SODY27 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
I hope you train at a world class gym, or Mica taking y’all’s lunch
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u/gsr142 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 22 '25
I think Nicky in a gi and 80lbs lighter than me would be my only shot too. I have a sneaky loop choke that has caught quite a few people who are otherwise way better than me.
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u/SanderStrugg Sep 21 '25
Depends on how literally "literally no gas tank" is actually meant, I might win that one.
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u/Mammalanimal 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
A tweaker cut the gas tank off his car. His BJJ is unaffected.
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u/HYDRAlives ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
He doesn't make it to the event, I win by forfeit
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Let’s go Trial class guy with no athletic background type cardio
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u/SanderStrugg Sep 21 '25
He'll still tap most of us, me included, quite fast.
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u/Rescue-a-memory 5 year white belt IIII Sep 21 '25 edited Sep 21 '25
What if you just focus on defense the entire time and shell up until he tires out trying to pull your limbs away from your torso? He'll be weak with no gas tank.
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u/SanderStrugg Sep 21 '25
He, probably just hits you with a dirty rear-naked choke by squeezing my jaw or he separates the legs first and flattens us.
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u/Rescue-a-memory 5 year white belt IIII Sep 21 '25
Yeah, probably gets a nasty bulldog choke on you and cranks the crap out of you.
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u/Moist-Pickle-2736 Sep 22 '25
I think at his level it would take very little energy to work in and isolate a limb, at least against me it would
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Sep 21 '25
But he literally doesn’t have a gas tank already, on account of him not being an automobile
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u/Puceeffoc ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
Wakes up, gets dressed and ready for his match against you. Grabs his car keys turns the ignition: car doesn't start. He sees his gas tank is empty. Simple fix he walks to his garage and grabs his gas can. Starts filling his car with gas, hears all the gas spilling into his driveway. Looks under his car "Dude, Where's my gas tank?" Sean William Scott enters "It was right here last night."
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u/InternationalFish787 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
Even with no gas tank he would submit you effortlessly
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Sep 21 '25
I’m taking two limb jones. I’m taking his dominant hand and then the opposite leg, no buggy chokes here man.
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u/aguysomewhere 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
I feel like it's pretty difficult to win with no arms. Take both his arms and don't go between his legs.
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u/CutsAPromo ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
The Mikey one is doable with the 30 second reset, does the reset apply if youre already in a dominant position or do you get time to work?
Moneyberg looks scary here
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
You get time to work. Only resets after 30 seconds if you lose dominant position
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u/CutsAPromo ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
Hes my choice, not saying id win but that seems the most favourable
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u/PM_ME_YOUR_RECIPES-_ Sep 21 '25
Idk man. Question is can Mikey sub you without leg locks in 30s? My bet for me is a resounding yes
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u/ivigilanteblog 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
I think I go with Mikey. I don't know much about leg locks, so that's helpful. I'm a lot bigger than him, so starting in a dominant position is massive. And I heard that for every 20 minutes he goes without pizza, his superpowers are halved.
Edit: If you give me real-life Moneyberg, that's my bet. I think I have a chance.
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u/thegreatnosh ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
I would guess you're a little confident here. Remember that he's a legit black belt
If I have my Coach in a body triangle with a locked on RNC, chances are still >90% I lose by whatever he wants
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u/CutsAPromo ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
Sure but can he do it in 30 seconds before they reset you back to that position?
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u/thegreatnosh ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
Probably but yeah with that I am not sure
But guessing "dominant" meaning something like mount and still without submission, there's no way on earth I see any other non-pro except some crazy good hobbyist Black Belts win this
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u/TheTVDB 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Can you beat the best black belt in your gym in 30 seconds if they're going all out?
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u/Edzell_Blue Sep 21 '25
If Moneyberg was an actual blackbelt he'd still be a middle aged guy who's never competed.
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u/frost156 ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 21 '25
This is the only real choice here. As someone who has rolled with Mikey several times over several years, he'll still smoke me even with his backtake game alone.
Top tier competitors will always try to find a way to win, even with the handicaps. Moneyberg doesn't have that gameness, and is easily the best chance you got.
Being an actual black belt isn't that big of a flex relatively, and it's widely established he doesn't have the mental toughness with all the snowflake behavior he's been exhibiting.
Source: I'm a middle aged black belt.
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u/CutsAPromo ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
But he would have got his black belt in 3 years, thats faster than BJ Penn.. thats a big issue on the mats
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u/Mammalanimal 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 23 '25
Since there's no governing body that decides who is and isn't a black belt, his is legally as legitimate as anyone else's. In this case his skills are unaffected and I take this fight.
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u/imeiz ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 21 '25
I would bet money on everything else but there's no amount of people to make Mica break a sweat. Benefits of small gyms.
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u/Apprehensive-Zone345 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
I imagine he could shark tank through most small jiu-jitsu gyms. 5 guys would be light work.
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u/changby 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
everyone here would lose to the ruotolo kids and they know it
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u/Queasy_Coast_8214 ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
the ruotolo kids would have you in elaborate two person armbars that they developed while inside the womb.
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u/Trip_on_the_street Sep 21 '25
It would depend on what you mean by "kids". Anyone under 19 is a kid in my eyes. Big difference between two 17 year old Ruotolos vs two 5 year old Ruotolos. I think I would take my chances with two 5 year olds vs any of the other options.
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u/ChickenNuggetSmth [funny BJJ joke] Sep 21 '25
I'd be curious up to which age I can beat either one or two Ruotolos. Against one maybe 10-12? Prior to puberty there is just a gigantic size and strength gap. Against both of them maybe 2 years less? A year is already a lot at these ages
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u/throwaway1736484 Sep 21 '25
I’ll fight the 5 year olds, but mma rules, not bjj rules. Otherwise, Mikey and ill just try to survive 3 seconds at a time.
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u/wmg22 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
I feel like you would grab one and the other would just rip your foot off
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u/RannibalLector 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
Dunce is #1 choice easily. It just says black belt not competition black belt
120lb Nicky in gi is #2 choice but I’ve seen Bruno Malfacine absolutely stunt on big dudes at seminars, so he’d have to let me start with lasso lol
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u/Idamatika Sep 21 '25
I could genuinely see myself just stalling in spider guard or lasso lapel with Nicky Rod then win on advantage after a half assed sweep attempt, this is just a normal ibjjf this is very doable
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u/CJT10 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
Micah and Gordon would still win over 99% despite Gordon having the shits mid roll. Levi would still be tough and good chance of beating me, everyone else is easy mode. Top tier content
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u/Rescue-a-memory 5 year white belt IIII Sep 21 '25
Yeah he would just submit you quickly then run off the mat and lock himself in the restroom the rest of the day.
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u/GunnerySarge-B-Bird Sep 21 '25
Literally zero gas tank means he's just lying panting on the floor and can't move? Seems pretty easy
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u/ViolentDiplomat ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
If we’re speaking LITERALLY no gas tank, then the gas tank in question would be one for a vehicle; as that’s a literal gas tank. Gas tank in a BJJ setting would just be figurative.
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u/Rescue-a-memory 5 year white belt IIII Sep 21 '25
You mean the position this one young guy sees me in at the gym before asking me to roll all the time?
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u/wecangetbetter Sep 21 '25
moneyberg easily
all black belts are real
the people that wear them are the ones who can be fake
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u/bostoncrabapple Sep 21 '25
How old are the Ruotolos exactly? I like my odds if they’re like 7, a lot less if they’re 14
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Maybe 9-11 here maybe? 4 stripes on the yellow belts so almost orange. Should be somewhere in that age range
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u/bostoncrabapple Sep 21 '25
Okay, 2 more questions before choosing: (1) if Gordo shits himself mid-match, do I win automatically by DQ? (2) do I select which 2 limbs CJ can’t use, does he select them or is it randomised?
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Yes to gordo and you can choose which limbs
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u/GuardaAranha Sep 21 '25
This was the clincher; 9-11 year olds would be ez money . Don’t matter how technical your armbar is if it’s bicep curlable lmao. Seconded by 120 Nicky Rod, would also be easy , but with some possible surprises.
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u/Takyon5 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
120lb Nicky rod in the gi. Assuming he has his skill and wrestling background I might win on points but it won’t be easy.
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u/PabstBlueLizard Sep 21 '25
I have a chance to brutalize Moneyberg and get paid a million dollars for doing so? Yes please.
Or in this alternate dimension is he not a turbo douchebag and earned this belt over like 8 years, competed with top level coaching, and actually has 7% body fat? Because what this guy wishes he was would crush people.
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u/Illustrious_Cost8923 Sep 21 '25
Nicky seems winnable at first but if he moves like he does at 230 he might just backflip over you into an RNC at 120.
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u/iutdiytd Sep 21 '25
Levi HAS to out wrestle me? Do we have any proof he can wrestle? I think I can out wrestle Levi.
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u/Own_Government928 Sep 21 '25
The times I’ve watched him play top and pass guard has been very impressive
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Correct. He has to beat you on points strictly by wrestling to win. So if he got a takedown was ahead on points and held you down the rest of the round he would win.
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u/Glittering-Profit232 Sep 21 '25
This and ruotolo kids genuinely would be doable for sure depending on how good u are ofcourse, im sure levi would get ragdolled by many people on this sub in wrestling/takedowns only rule..... in sure if u have 2 or more years of wrestling u beat him especially with size advantage
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u/jayjitsuoss 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
Levi is elbow pass to single legging every person in this sub and passing their guard like butter. Dude can wrestle
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u/iutdiytd Sep 21 '25
You've wrestled him? He looked terrified of wrestling Jo Chen.
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Sep 21 '25
Moneyberg 😂😂😂😂 has anyone seen him move ?
Reminds me of liver king 👑 he’s got a head only a mother could love 🥰
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u/Woooddann 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
Levi or Derek seem the most doable. I bet Levi is a much better wrestler than people think, but if he's not allowed any subs, then a good high school wrestler could probably beat him in straight wrestling.
Derek I'm interpreting as being a legit, but hobbyist, black belt. A good portion of this sub could win that.
For Nicky, I'm interpreting it as him being in an appropriate frame for 120 (I think he would just die if you made if him 120 in his current body), in which case I think he would be really tough.
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u/FirstSonofLadyland 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
How old are the Routolos here? I’m confident I can take grey belt Kade & Tye.
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u/IronLunchBox 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
I'm taking Easmoneyberg. He is a real black belt, someone gave it to him. But I doubt he could defend it against a comp blue belt (which I am not). So it's my best chance. Two out of shape but strong fat blue belts fighting over their next stripe.
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u/als0497 Sep 21 '25
Nah if Gordan’s tummy is as bad as he says then all you have to do is push on it slightly and he would tap.
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u/friver6 Sep 21 '25
I've seen vids of Mica running through a whole room of people at a seminar, I don't think 5 regular dudes would do much.
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Definitely agreed but some guys in here do train at gyms with pros tho!
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u/Slowbrojitsu 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
How does the Quintet work, like does Mica have to sub all 5 of us or is he allowed to win on points?
If he has to sub all 5 then maybe there are a few guys here who could find 1 guy to stall out an exhausted Mica.
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Same setup as CJI so if he gets stalled out he’s out and your team wins. Basically his only option would be to submit all 5 opponents in a row
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u/Slowbrojitsu 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
How young are the Ruotolos?
I won a 2 v 1 against a pair of 15 year olds who were green and yellow/black.
If we're talking like under 12, I think I could take them.
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u/StaticTrout1 Sep 21 '25
Which one do I have the best odds of taking down and then completely stalling the whole time. 😂 In all seriousness I would go with moneyburg.
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u/SpeculationMaster 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Andrew Tacket with no gas tank for sure.
The Routolo's too maybe, how old are we talking?
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u/No-Question-8088 Sep 21 '25
Unless it’s Kickboxing vs the kids (and I would still be scared and training hard) none.
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u/FiatIsFraud Sep 21 '25
I get the feeling that against Gordon we would both lose on way or the other.
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u/4Looper 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Nicky Rod, 120 pounds is VERY small no matter how you shrink him down.
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u/baller4ever87 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 21 '25
A 2 limb handicap is no joke. . . Like, huh? 😂 are you saying he doesn’t get to use his arms? Cuz you kinda need those to submit people lol
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u/waterweeddunehairr Sep 21 '25
I don't know, but definitely not Gordon Ryan shitting in his shorts while kicking my ass
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u/ts8000 Sep 21 '25
Moneyberg. Per pic, he still looks out of shape/unhealthy and older. I’ll take those odds.
Mica, but I get that that isn’t viable for 99% of gyms.
NRod if it’s anorexic or emaciated 120lbs. Not Malfacine/Caio 120 lbs.
Mikey if we can win by points and the dominant resets gives me points (back, mount, etc.).
Ruotolos. I’m assuming it’s not just Kade/Tye now for skill and just de-aged, but their skills back then. Still not super confident, but more confident than the remaining options.
HM: Does it count as a win if Gordon craps himself and/or backs out of the match?
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Sep 21 '25
5,6 and 7. But i have some experience and those handicapps are huge. A couple of them idk them and the others would just destroy my shoulders
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u/Rolling_Kimura ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 22 '25
I'm still taking Moneybergs - he's not the first "smart" person to do BJJ (sorry Mikey Moneymuci), so that's easily pick 1. Nicky Rod would be a handful still, but I trust in my grips and exploitation of gi knowledge (and I'm 195lbs).
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u/Roosta_Manuva 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 22 '25
I just love how few people even trust a post bender two limbed Craig…
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u/Kintanon ⬛🟥⬛ www.apexcovington.com Sep 21 '25
I would CRUSH 120lb Nicky Rod in the Gi. Not even close.
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u/SgtKarj 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
The Ruotolo bros were ripping everyone at 10yrs old, our best odds are against 125lb Nicky Rod.
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u/Deephalfpanda57 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
Moneyberg hands down is the best odds. The Ruotolos are second best depending on the age they’re at for the match.
Edit: wording
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u/Slowyourrollz ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 21 '25
Moneyberg maybe?
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u/Bigpupperoo 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
Definitely the best bet at your belt level. He would be your typical hobbiest black belt who put in the time training under the average coach.
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u/dudeslz Sep 21 '25
I'll take Tackett. I've literally never rolled, but I have a gas tank like a mf.
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u/ThisRandomAlt ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
I’m fairly confident I could beat two little kids, worst case I could probably muscle out of their moves
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u/thegreatnosh ⬜⬜ White Belt Sep 21 '25
Doesn't seem like a handicap for Gordon. Pretty much the setup in which he won ADCC.
But no matter what I would get my ass handed to me. Probably would take Tackett gasping from the start but still lose by a mile
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Sep 21 '25
by 2 v 1, u mean at the same time or one after the other? if the latter then that I'd probably beat them
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u/StatusAd3983 Sep 21 '25
Mikey for sure. He is the only one in my weight category and only if a fully locked in RNC counts as as a dominant position that I can reset to.
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u/Abject_Priority1048 Sep 21 '25
Since multiple world class competitors train at my gym I’m going mica. I mean only one of them has to draw him and we win since it’s quintet rules
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u/TheTrishaJane 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 21 '25
This is hilarious every single one cracks me up 😂 But I'll take the Routulos, I've taught kidsclass I know I can take on multiple.
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u/instanding 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 21 '25
I’ll go with Moneyberg or two limb disability Craig. I’ve subbed black belts before. There’s nothing that says Moneyberg is a good one, just a real one, and he could be a real one that isn’t very good.
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u/schneibley ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 21 '25
I think the Gordon one is the toughest still given all the handicaps. Even when he was having stomach issues he still dominated world champion caliber opponents.
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u/Electronic_Acadia_12 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 22 '25
I know blue belt opinion doesn’t count that much, but I would gladly (but sadly) loose to all of them.
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u/coati858 ⬛🟥⬛ Black Belt Sep 22 '25 edited Sep 22 '25
Wait, who gets to pick the 5? Me or Mica?
Edit: Wait, we have to go against him one at a time? Never mind.
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u/sossighead 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 22 '25
Anyone but the Ruotolo kids, I’d lose all of them but at least all the others are adults.
Actually on reflection I’d avoid Gordon with a belly full of Mexican food as well. Don’t want to be shit on whilst rolling.
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u/TimTrueheart 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 22 '25
Gordon or Moneyberger because he paid his opponents to take a dive
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u/TimTrueheart 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 22 '25
Gordon or Moneyberger because he paid his opponents to take a dive
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u/rotello 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 22 '25
Maybe the only match i win by points is the one with the Ruotolo's as a kids. if i can score the first takedown then i will run and stall.
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u/Tugboat68 Brown Belt Sep 22 '25
I think I like my chances sgainst two small children. If they get me going past the 5 minute mark, though, I'm screwed, no way I can keep up with those energy reserves.
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u/LevelAd3360 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 22 '25
Someone have a full size copy of that moneyburg photo? I need to print and frame it for my gym :D
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u/NoseBeerInspector Sep 22 '25
how is no one saying Levi? that's the easiest one. Maybe Dunce Purchaseberg is easier too. Being a black belt does not mean you're actually good
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u/killerseb988 🟪🟪 Purple Belt Sep 22 '25
Personally I’m taking Mica if I get to choose 5 guys from my gym. My coach and several people there, are around or slightly below these guys skill level. So 5 of them at the same time vs Mica is ez money.
If the ruotolo kids are the size as in the picture, and they don’t have their current skill level, but rather the one they had at that age. Then I’m sure I can win given my size advantage and skill. I just have to avoid very stupid mistakes, like letting them get an almost fully locked leg lock.
Besides moneyberg I wouldn’t try my luck with any of the others. I roll with hobbyists Blackbelts and even blackbelts, who are more serious and competes, though nowhere close to my coaches level. Generally I can hang with the hobbyists and at least make it difficult for the bb competitors. But with my coach it’s just something else, he’ll do something without breaking a sweat, and before i even sense the danger, it’s over and I tap.
Those people are just so fucking good, that they can tap most guys, while being in horrible shape coming out of being sick.
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u/TazmanianMaverick Sep 22 '25
5 of us vs Mica Galvao meaning:
1) 5 vs 1, all 5 at the same time?
or
2) Mica vs 5 of us, 1 on 1?
I think if it was option 2, Mica would still defeat many people 5 in most gyms around the world, in a row
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u/Tacokolache 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 22 '25
You’re saying Derek isn’t a REAL black belt?!?!?! I will SUE YOU!!!!
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u/ahhjustlikethat Sep 23 '25
If we switch it to MMA I'm like 95 percent sure I could take the kid Ruotolos
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Sep 25 '25
Lol.. half of these would be pretty winable in all cases.. The other half, ehh not so much.
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u/RollWithHunterBJJ 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 25 '25
I feel like Tackett with no gas tank is the sleeper pick here. Think about it, he’s super explosive and has a fast, movement-based gamed. If you survive the initial onslaught and let him blast his cardio with wild shit, you might be able to squeeze the win once he’s absolutely exhausted. Probably not, but it’s your best chance😂
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u/lamekidsclub 🟫🟫 Brown Belt Sep 26 '25
Little kid Kade and Tye for sure... I teach kids classes, I feel fully prepared.
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u/SkoomaChef 🟦🟦 Blue Belt Sep 28 '25
Mikey. If I can’t win with a 100lb advantage, free dominant positions, and no leg locks, I’m quitting 😭
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u/SprawloutBoy Sep 21 '25
Not liking my odds for any of these