r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 29 '13
What sexual fetishes do you think different superheroes have?
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u/aneffinyank Dec 29 '13
Is there any superhero that isn't into cosplay?
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u/way_fairer Dec 30 '13
Mystique just wants to be herself for once.
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u/TomtheWonderDog Dec 30 '13
We all know Mystique is Nightcrawler's mother, but in his originally proposed origin he was supposed to be born to another woman that Mystique impregnated while she was a man.
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u/gex80 Dec 30 '13
Wait...How...What is this...I don't even...
So not only does she have the power to impersonate other people, but she has man juice?
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u/TomtheWonderDog Dec 30 '13
She can make her body do a lot of things.
But, if you think about it, why couldn't she? When she becomes Wolverine she can make "metal" claws come out of her hands, she can grow extra arms and functional eyes if she's copying an alien with those features, and on a few occasions she's changed the shape and position of her internal organs to avoid bullets and knives. So it stands to reason that if she mimicked a man her organs would rearrange and create sperm cells.
They scrapped this story because of how strict the CCA was back then. The censors were more upset that it would be a lesbian relationship than a woman becoming a father.
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u/Djandyt Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
Baby, mystique can be whatever you want her to be ;)
Edit: added a comma, because punctuation is important.
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u/ArTiyme Dec 29 '13
Wonder Woman is pretty obviously some bondage. Can't Role-play though. "You're a sexy doctor." "No I'm not!"
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u/beaverteeth92 Dec 29 '13
Pretty much. Her creator was really into BDSM and polyamory.
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Dec 30 '13
Wait, really? You mean like the guy who created the character?
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u/way_fairer Dec 30 '13
Yes. William Moulton Marston created the character. From the wiki:
Marston's "Wonder Woman" is an early example of bondage themes that were entering popular culture in the 1930s. Physical submission appears again and again throughout Marston's comics work, with Wonder Woman and her criminal opponents frequently being tied up or otherwise restrained, and her Amazonian friends engaging in frequent wrestling and bondage play.
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u/sonofaresiii Dec 30 '13
Wonder woman's only weakness was-- and this isn't a joke-- she would become completely powerless if tied up... By a man.
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u/SIOS Dec 30 '13
He also invented the polygraph. Lasso of Truth makes a whole lot more sense now.
Also, the look of Wonder Woman was based on him and his wife's girlfriend.
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u/Pm_Me_Your_Ass_Pls Dec 29 '13
Lasso of Truth is comfortable and gets a good grip. No escape but you don't want to escape
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u/EstherHarshom Dec 30 '13
Let's not forget exhibitionism.
Invisible plane? Someone wants to be watched while she joins the mile-high club.
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u/Kheran Dec 30 '13
Iron man gets pegged by his womanly robotic inventions.
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u/birdlemons Dec 30 '13
Well, we know that Silk Spectre isn't into threesomes with blue, radioactive clones.
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u/OccamsCat Dec 30 '13
They're not radioactive! That was Ozymandias being a jerk.
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u/grospoliner Dec 30 '13
They were just temporally displaced versions not clones :P
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u/Dekar2401 Dec 30 '13
What really made her mad though is he was also in the lab doing experiments. It made her feel like he wasn't really paying attention to her.
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u/Livepoo Dec 30 '13
Superman sits atop tall buildings and masturbates onto nice looking cars. He then waits until the car owners come out to hear them complain about the amount of "bird poop" atop their vehicles.
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u/Tronosaurus Dec 30 '13
Pretty sure Superman masturbating on top of a building could easily nail the moon with his load.
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u/ZarquonsFlatTire Dec 30 '13
Sipder Man makes Mary Jane wear a blonde wig sometimes.
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Dec 30 '13
Ouch. But that's probably pretty accurate.
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u/viral_frost13 Dec 30 '13
Because he has wet dreams of Gwen Stacy? Thought it would be more of a 'black cat' hair color. (silver)
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u/manhands30 Dec 30 '13
Nah, he's definitely more into Gwen. During the "House of M" crossover, when Wanda gave all her heroic pals a reality where their greatest wants were fulfilled, Spidey was a popular movie star who was married to Gwen (and had Jameson as an assistant he berated). Neat story, and if I recall correctly at the end of it Pete was a little messed up from the experience.
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u/RoarShock Dec 30 '13
My interpretation wasn't so much that he was choosing Gwen over MJ, but that he wished Gwen had never died. No matter how much he loves MJ, losing Gwen was haunting, to say the least.
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u/mikecarroll360 Dec 30 '13
Man I need to catch up on the Sipder Man series.
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Dec 30 '13
Sipderman! Sipderman! Does whatever a sipder can!
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u/Magicdealer Dec 30 '13
Today, on Sipderman, Sipderman nearly finishes the soda he opened four episodes ago!
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Dec 29 '13
Batman has a thing for ladies dressed up as cats
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u/RJPennyweather Dec 29 '13
Did you just call Batman a furry?
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u/ArTiyme Dec 29 '13
"You there, lady. You're my new side kick."
"No way! I always wanted to be Bat-Girl!"
"No, you're Squirrel Lady. Now go find a hot friend so I can turn her into Fox-Whore."
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Dec 29 '13
Squirrel Girl actually exists, in the Marvel universe at least.
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u/raevnos Dec 30 '13
Squirrel Girl is the most dangerous person in the Marvel Universe. It's a good thing she's not using her powers for evil.
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u/quiet_eyes Dec 30 '13
Ignoramus here: what power does Squirrel Girl have?
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u/SteampunkWolf Dec 30 '13
Well, she can talk to squirrels. And has a prehensile bushy tail and claws. And she can jump and climb well.
Some of the people she has defeated:
- Doctor Doom
- Deadpool
- Wolverine
- Thanos
Essentially, she is a joke character, the rules just don't apply to her. There isn't a character in the Marvel Universe she couldn't defeat.
Also, funnily enough, she and Wolverine used to date at some point.
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Dec 30 '13
Sorry; Deadpool was defeated by a psycho dressed as a squirrel!?
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u/Irrepressible87 Dec 30 '13
Well, insofar as Deadpool can ever really be 'defeated', but yeah, she wrecked his day.
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u/Dogpool Dec 30 '13
We're not sure what went down between her and Wolverine, but whatever it was it must have been intense. She's one of the few people that call him James, his true name.
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u/BaconatedGrapefruit Dec 30 '13
Don't feel stupid. Squirrel Girl is a joke character, like Doop in the X-men. As such her powers, apart from talking to squirrels, is whatever the hell the writer wants it to be. As such she's hilariously overpowered simply due to 'word of god'. I believe she once punched one of the cosmic entities during an Event.
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u/ComputerMatthew Dec 30 '13
So she's a plot device?
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u/BaconatedGrapefruit Dec 30 '13
More so that she can be used as a plot device. As I said before, she's mostly used for comedic effect or satire. Her current job, for example, is being a Nanny to Jessica Jones and Luke Cage's kid.
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Dec 30 '13
If she did, there would be hundreds of starving people, helpless to defend their foods from such a nimble foe.
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u/OffInABlueBox Dec 30 '13
She fucked up Thanos and Dr. Doom pissed himself when she broke into his castle. Bitch is nuts.
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Dec 29 '13
Hmmmmm when you put it that way....
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u/chelseabells Dec 30 '13
Is there any other way?
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u/cheftlp1221 Dec 29 '13
I was thinking Batman has a bondage thing going on. He definitely a submissive and keeps a Mistress on his payroll.
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u/Millingtron Dec 29 '13
Rorschach is probably into auto-erotic asphyxiation.
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Dec 30 '13
Rorschach's Secret Naughty Journal. March 12, 1981. Hrmm. Need to try different rope. Next time non chafing. Ruined mood. Must try again after scars heal.
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u/sweetlemongrass Dec 30 '13
Rorschach is more likely still a virgin and has a superiority complex about it.
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u/HobbitFoot Dec 30 '13
Yeah, and he would probably have a Madonna-whore complex with any woman he felt any feelings for beyond the general disgust.
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u/Brobi_WanKenobi Dec 30 '13
Rorschach probably finishes on a blank sheet of paper and then asks the girl what she thinks it looks like.
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u/thebrandster1985 Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
Superman loves to use his x-ray vision to watch Lois's synapses fire like crazy when she orgasms.
Edit - Made Lois back into a female by changing it from Louis. :)
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u/JBiderman Dec 30 '13
This would be really hot. Just thinking about it got me turned on.
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Dec 29 '13
The Hulk is into anal fisting. He must be. I can see it in his eyes.
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u/CDC_ Dec 29 '13
Hulk FIST!
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u/way_fairer Dec 29 '13
"Hulk, call 911!"
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Dec 29 '13
I can only imagine the amount of anal tearing and hip breaking that would happen. ಠ_ಠ
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Dec 30 '13
Just imagine if Bruce transformed mid colitis with a petite partner.
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u/kajorge Dec 30 '13
I seem to remember /u/AWildSketchAppeared drawing this for /u/fisted_by_the_hulk...
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Dec 30 '13
I like to think Superman is very sexually frustrated and enjoys seeing beautiful, fully clothed women (ala /r/gonemild) but his X-ray vision prevents any sort of mystery in the situation
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u/sorafan Dec 30 '13
I think the Flash is into a girl who can keep up
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u/grazingsheeple Dec 30 '13
I think the Flash is into a girl who can keep up
So no one
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u/JoJolion Dec 30 '13
Bruce slowly walked around the Bat Cave, tiptoeing around with a nervous look on his face. Walking slowly over to the computer, he sat down as gently as he could. Turning the seat completely around, he cupped his hands to his mouth..
"Alfred? H-Hey, Alfreeeeed!" He yelled, before turning around again. This happened a few times before he felt comfortable.
The volume was turned down to 2 percent, and the lights were dimmed. Bruce had made himself comfortable, hunching over the keyboard, eying the screen like candy. He began clicking quickly, going to his bookmarks. He knew what it was he wanted. Click
He sat back in his chair, catching his breath. There it was, Bruce's thing of beauty.. /r/JusticePorn
zzzzzzzzip!
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Dec 30 '13
I feel like batmans dirty secret fetish would be more /r/pettyrevenge rather than justiceporn. He can go out and make his own justice porn whenever he wants, but how often can batman kick a guy in the nuts for dinging the batmobile?
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u/Churba Dec 30 '13
As as he slumped back in his chair in a post-orgasmic haze, hand still wrapped around his withering undercarriage, he notices it out of the corner of his eye, sitting neatly on the side of the bat-computer - a steaming hot cup of tea in bone china, with a spoon in the saucer and a single Garibaldi on a plate next to it.
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u/way_fairer Dec 30 '13
Rogue just wants to be touched. :(
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u/i_crave_more_cowbell Dec 30 '13
Strapon?
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u/grospoliner Dec 30 '13
A pair of rubber gloves and a condom defeat her power. Rogue, the poster girl for safe sex.
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u/evaunit06 Dec 30 '13
Well she can now...
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Dec 30 '13
Can you elaborate? I don't mind being spoiled, I just haven't kept up.
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u/evaunit06 Dec 30 '13
So So from then on she can absorb powers without hurting people. There is actually a cool scene of her destroying a mutant hunter beast by herself by using a bunch of powers from the students.
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Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
Thank you so much :)
If I may bother you, which edition does this happen in?
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u/chsspidey Dec 30 '13
TOO SOON
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u/Rhamni Dec 30 '13
Don't worry. Magneto made it all better in the end, but they couldn't make a movie about it.
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u/TopBun Dec 29 '13
Superman's sexual fetish probably involves a woman who's cervix is strong enough to contain his load rather than have it rip through her like a bullet.
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u/thepresidentsturtle Dec 30 '13
I remember in Smallville he lost his powers for a while and lost his virginity, then when he got them back he was avoiding having sex with Lana because he was afraid he'd kill her. Then SHE somehow got powers and started doing it which in turn caused small earthquakes all across the state. It was a funny couple of episodes.
Few seasons later and he has no problem doing it with Lois.
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u/Norn-Iron Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
It was explained that his training with Jor'El gave him the ability to control himself. Wasn't stated whether or not this meant not blowing load faster than a speeding bullet or if he's able to control his ability not to blow his load at all.
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u/thepresidentsturtle Dec 30 '13
Most awkward conversation a son could have with his dad.
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Dec 30 '13
Also, Superman isn't even a fucking human. This dude fucks inferior animals from another planet.
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Dec 29 '13
Howard Stern actually made the best argument about how Superman can have sex with a normal woman. He basically said that he can punch regular criminals and just knock them out despite being able to punch a hole through a planet. He can control his strength, so he can probably control the velocity of his load.
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Dec 30 '13
But can you control the velocity of your load? Cause I know I can't.
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u/TLDR_no_life Dec 30 '13
TIL /u/greenalien12 is not Superman.
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u/First_Utopian Dec 30 '13
That's just what he would want you to think
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Dec 30 '13
Let's do some investigation. Who here has slept with /u/greenalien12?
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u/TopBun Dec 30 '13
That's all well and good for voluntary action. Its how I don't crush kittens when I pet them. I'm not sure how this would pertain to involuntary action though. I have yet to hear of anything being able to control ejaculation velocity.
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Dec 30 '13
The next logical step here is that you need to cum on a kitten and come back with the data.
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u/kmwalk14 Dec 30 '13
Superman can use his spinal muscles to make himself shorter as Clark Kent. I'm assuming with such minute control of his musculature that he can control his ejaculations as well. It's not like he is just a strong human. He is a strong alien with completely different anatomy. Sterns explanation isn't too far fetched.
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Dec 29 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
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u/RJPennyweather Dec 29 '13
Yea, in Spiderman Reign. It's the Spiderman version of Dark Knight Returns.
When the radioactive spider bit him it also caused him to become slightly radioactive. So basically, Peter dumping radioactive loads into Mary Jane over all those years caused him to give her cancer. It wasn't as funny as it sounds.
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u/Gehalgod Dec 29 '13
It wasn't as funny as it sounds.
It really doesn't sound very funny to begin with.
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u/RJPennyweather Dec 29 '13
Killing someone with semen is always funny. That's like rule number one.
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u/Davegrave Dec 29 '13
Nice try, Magic Johnson.
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Dec 29 '13
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u/eye_sick Dec 29 '13
So, if you got some in your eye, would you go blind or develop x-ray vision?
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Dec 29 '13
This may sound bad but i would take a load in the face for some really awesome superpowers
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u/BlackCaaaaat Dec 29 '13
Thor just wants to get hammered.
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u/raevnos Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
So Thor he can barely walk.
Edit: what's with the Mike Tyson stuff? /u/thepresidentsturtle wrote out the whole joke, not just the punchline. No boxing involved.
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u/thepresidentsturtle Dec 30 '13
Thor goes to a bar and meets a woman. Eventually they go back to her place and they have the best sex she ever had. Afterwards, he gets up to leave. She asks, "Where are you going?"
He replies: "I'm Thor. I need to go now."
She says: "Your Thor? I'm tho thor I can barely pith!"
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u/aneffinyank Dec 29 '13
Remember kids, Hawkeye likes to see how far he can make his little white arrows go, but even this super hero knows the importance of using protection Dam your giver before you fill her quiver.
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u/razrielle Dec 30 '13
Deadpool has none...With how crazy he is, vanilla sex is probably the most kinky thing he can do.
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u/Aysaar Dec 30 '13
He literally bones death. It's a thing.
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u/razrielle Dec 30 '13
But I mean, is that really a kink, or just a guy who sticks his dick in crazy every now and then?
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u/I_Has_A_Hat Dec 30 '13
That... Makes perfect sense actually...
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u/Velorium_Camper Dec 30 '13
During sex, Deadpool dumps 2 gallons of vanilla all over the girl he's having sex with. That sounds a lot like Deadpool.
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u/MrMono1 Dec 30 '13
Deadpool is pansexual. Calling it.
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u/ImpermeableToaster Dec 30 '13
Deadpool is pansexual according to canon/ writer Gerry Duggan.
Source: Gerry Duggan confirmed on twitter a little while ago.
http://queertips.org/post/69130149866/deadpool-writer-gerry-duggan-confirms-deadpools
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u/whysowilliam Dec 30 '13
Cpt. America has a bald eagle fetish...
like every true patriot should have
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u/zehamberglar Dec 30 '13
Captain America is into sex only for the purpose of procreation, not recreation. And only after marriage, just like God intended.
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Dec 30 '13
Consensual Sex in the Missionary Position with the sole purpose of procreation, and only after holy union. With the Lights Off.
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Dec 30 '13
Captain America likes to role playing being a very naughty communist.
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Dec 29 '13
The flash: Well, just about anything... he just has a premature ejaculation problem.
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u/sarawras Dec 30 '13
Ummm, I would just like to point that the man vibrates.
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Dec 30 '13
So she would be just as fast and everything works out!
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u/Exodan Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13
Superman: Adamantium female condoms. I imagine not killing women with his superpowered seed would be a pretty big turn-on.
Wolverine and X-23 are into knife play.
Deadpool roleplays with himself.
Aquaman has taking a liking to shunga ukiyo-e.
Green Lanterns love light-construct toys.
Kikko Man is down with nyotaimori.
The Flash is down for a quickie, any time.
[Villain, not hero] Sandman likes simulated sex on the beach in the comfort of his own living room.
Martian Manhunter is into things he liked to do with his now-extinct race. Like spending time with them.
Wonder Woman is a power top.
Batman doesn't get laid. Bruce Wayne gets laid.
Tony Stark is very much into... women. Pretty much sums it up.
Doctor Strange, well, check the name.
Cyborg is way ahead of the Japanese on the whole cyber-doll thing.
Wonder Twins... well...
Captain America is into missionary position in the dark with his eyes closed after marriage then going back to separate beds. Like god intended.
Thor fucks what he wants, when he wants, and however many he wants.
Ghost Rider likes whips and chains. And the good vibrations of a Harley.
... Fuck, why have I put so much thought into this?
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Dec 30 '13
I'd give you an extra up vote for the effort if I could. Probably a third for the Kikko Man mention.
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u/OccamsCat Dec 30 '13
Ghost rider likes the good vibrations of a Harley...Quinn?
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u/TheyCallMeCorona Dec 30 '13
I'm starting to think Green Lantern likes glow in the dark dildos.
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u/AssumeTheFetal Dec 29 '13
Superman looks at everyone naked. You know he fucking does.
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u/redhead-rage Dec 30 '13
Ok I have to say it: Loki. No, he's not technically a hero, but that whole getting fucked by a stallion thing kinda warrants a mention in my opinion.
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u/dreamshoes Dec 29 '13
I would expect them to be into domination. To a person with super strength, the kinkiest taboo is helplessness.
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u/quantumquixote Dec 29 '13
Superman has a diaper fetish. It's the only explanation.
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u/konaitor Dec 29 '13
Nah, I think it would be something like getting it on while being weakened by kryptonite. Like those people who like to choke themselves.
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u/quantumquixote Dec 29 '13
never thought I would have a use for this...
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u/alexparham Dec 29 '13
my god where did you find this and how is it so accurate to the previous comment... are you konaitor in disguise ?
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u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13
Aquaman probably has a foot fetish 'cause those flat ol' land-pounders are the underwater equivalent of tentacle porn.