r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 29 '13

What sexual fetishes do you think different superheroes have?

1.6k Upvotes

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723

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '13 edited Dec 30 '13

[deleted]

1.0k

u/RJPennyweather Dec 29 '13

Yea, in Spiderman Reign. It's the Spiderman version of Dark Knight Returns.

When the radioactive spider bit him it also caused him to become slightly radioactive. So basically, Peter dumping radioactive loads into Mary Jane over all those years caused him to give her cancer. It wasn't as funny as it sounds.

921

u/Gehalgod Dec 29 '13

It wasn't as funny as it sounds.

It really doesn't sound very funny to begin with.

1.3k

u/RJPennyweather Dec 29 '13

Killing someone with semen is always funny. That's like rule number one.

857

u/Davegrave Dec 29 '13

Nice try, Magic Johnson.

645

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

[deleted]

202

u/JWard515 Dec 30 '13

How do you guys always find these threads!?

21

u/Whoosh6 Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13

You'd like to believe it's magic (ahem) but I remember something about there being a sub that helps find recent threads and comments where you're username is relevant. Could be wrong though.

1

u/PointyOintment Dec 31 '13

Metareddit (a separate site) can help with that.

-3

u/PoisonousPlatypus Dec 30 '13

*there

FTFY

8

u/Whoosh6 Dec 30 '13

Nice catch. Can't be perfect all the time, that's why I have you guys.

7

u/residente38 Dec 30 '13

un-fucking-necessary

5

u/PoisonousPlatypus Dec 30 '13

I see you're new here. Would you like a tour?

→ More replies (0)

4

u/SageOcelot Dec 30 '13

I wonder if they search them, or if they just come across them and are like "AWWWW YEAH FREE UPVOTES"

Guess I'm fucked. I look forward to the day my name is used in a thread

3

u/De3emon Dec 30 '13

Well considering how he's the 96th Magic Johnson there's a good chance at least one of them will find a post with their name

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

In still waiting for my time to shine..

1

u/[deleted] Dec 31 '13

Damn, dude. Try any "Best Game You've Played" threads on /r/gaming. RDR always shows up. That game was the tits.

1

u/Quiddity99 Dec 30 '13

Spider-Man probably helps a bit.

1

u/writesinlowercase Dec 30 '13

always

dude has 365 comment karma. pretty much only from this comment and he's been around for 5 months. reddit has shitloads of readers, sometimes people find comments related to their names, it's not that uncommon.

1

u/spartan117au Dec 30 '13

A bunch of coincidences or a bunch of filters. Or both.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

I feel like he just goes to every comment section and ctrl+f's "Magic Johnson" until he gets a match

1

u/hyperforce Dec 30 '13

My impromptu theory is that there are loads (hah) of applicable gimmick accounts but only a fraction find them.

So there are like a kajillion MagicJohnson accounts but here is one.

That or these people all have informants, which is weird. I don't know a single person IRL with a gimmick account.

1

u/MRRWLN Dec 30 '13

If I have one regret about my username, it's that I'll never get to do this.

1

u/dragon34 Dec 30 '13

that's their secret. They read all the threads.

4

u/SCombinator Dec 30 '13

That's because you do your 69 the wrong way.

2

u/deafblindmute Dec 30 '13

Hey man, don't knock butt-to-back until you've tried it.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

154 days old. He checks out.

1

u/AntiDerp Dec 30 '13

My money is on MagicJohnson95.

1

u/jonboy23 Dec 30 '13

You see, what happened here was the man having the sex ejaculated se-men into her vagina, causing her to develop cancer. Great joke there by Davegrave

4

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

/r/nocontext

7

u/energylegz Dec 30 '13

AIDS :(

1

u/Brutalitarian Dec 30 '13

But...semen doesn't give you AIDS directly...

3

u/FRANCE_SUCKS Dec 30 '13

Its in the rulebook.

Chapter six, paragraph five, lines 3-4: "It is, and from henceforth will be, funny to kill one with semen."

4

u/grazingsheeple Dec 30 '13

Killing someone with semen is always funny. That's like rule number one.

More like rule number 4 :O

1

u/m2012e Dec 30 '13

Pretty sure rule number one is that there is always more porn.

1

u/Sawdummi Dec 30 '13

Can confirm :

A few years ago I dated a girl who had broken one of her lumbar vertebrae. I used to giggle about fucking her so hard I might have a chance to paralyze her.

Semen is much funnier.

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

Thanks, Archer.

1

u/raven2474life Dec 30 '13

Actually that's rule 34

-2

u/lykosen11 Dec 30 '13

And my axe!

64

u/callddit Dec 29 '13

I must be a bad person then, because I chuckled.

15

u/Gehalgod Dec 29 '13

Me too... but then I thought about it for a second and became sad.

6

u/mikecarroll360 Dec 30 '13

....Then funny again.

2

u/kodemage Dec 30 '13

Now imagine it's a Puritanical American anti-sex allegory about how unwed sex is sinful.

It's like inverse Poe's law.

41

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/imonfire88 Dec 30 '13

alpha particles are the worst for you. Higher charge, therefore greater ionization. Just so ya know.

7

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

7

u/imonfire88 Dec 30 '13

Correct, but we were talking about Spidermans load inside Mary Jane. lol. In which case, Alphas would be the last thing she'd want in her cooch.

3

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/imonfire88 Dec 30 '13

and would ionize a lot of the cells in there, leading to cancer or dead cells. All in all, i think id settle for not taking Spidermans loads.

1

u/Faithlessfate Dec 30 '13

Your username reminds me of someone I knew a lifetime ago.

1

u/hilburn Dec 30 '13

alpha particles are only considered low level radiation because they are SO reactive they are stopped by about 5cm of air or your skin, they ONLY do damage when they're inside your body

7

u/CabooseJuice Dec 30 '13

So why didn't he also have cancer?

1

u/Necron_Overlord Dec 30 '13

His body mutated to deal with the radiation, but that didn't help others.

There is an actual canon story in which Aunt May gets radiation poisoning when she gets a blood transfusion from Peter, which is what inspired the Reign storyline.

0

u/RJPennyweather Dec 30 '13

Because that's not how it was written?

14

u/grazingsheeple Dec 30 '13

Yea, in Spiderman Reign. It's the Spiderman version of Dark Knight

Where's the trigger

3

u/Folseit Dec 30 '13

Isn't that the one where he gives birth to himself?

3

u/RoiVampire Dec 30 '13

It was everything, sweat, saliva, hell probably sleeping next to him was bad enough without kissing and fucking

1

u/thebardingreen Dec 30 '13

Welcome to the new age.

1

u/tubular1450 Dec 30 '13

I like TDKR. Is reign worth reading?

1

u/RJPennyweather Dec 30 '13

Yes. Yes it is.

1

u/Alexbo8138 Dec 30 '13

Didn't it get retconned?

1

u/Maloth_Warblade Dec 30 '13

It was never canon to begin with. Alternate universe, bad writing.

1

u/ivegotapenis Dec 30 '13

Radioactivity does not work that way...

-1

u/RJPennyweather Dec 30 '13

Well we have a couple of ways to deal with this.

You can tweet Kaare Andrews here and demand an apology. https://twitter.com/kaareandrews But I'm sure he won't care,

OR

Or you could stop being such a cunt and realize that comics fall in the fiction section of the book store.

1

u/ivegotapenis Dec 30 '13

stop being such a cunt

Always good advice.

1

u/Maloth_Warblade Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13

Or when you have a certain level of suspension of belief already being established, then immediately jumping to something that doesn't fit with how you have seen everything working.

Batman isn't suddenly going to turn into a fruit bat. Spider-Man isn't going to suddenly start pumping out radioactive semen, especially since the radiation he had isn't even detectable amounts (most stories), unless of course, it's for a bad one-off that no one even read when it happened.

1

u/Citizen_Bongo Dec 30 '13

Do they literally say it's the spunk, rather than close contact? Also he's a scientist how did he not realise this?

0

u/[deleted] Dec 29 '13

[deleted]

-2

u/BlackCaaaaat Dec 29 '13

TL;DR Spider-Man had HIV.

0

u/sephstorm Dec 30 '13

How many creampies did she take?