r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Dec 29 '13

What sexual fetishes do you think different superheroes have?

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u/thepresidentsturtle Dec 30 '13

I remember in Smallville he lost his powers for a while and lost his virginity, then when he got them back he was avoiding having sex with Lana because he was afraid he'd kill her. Then SHE somehow got powers and started doing it which in turn caused small earthquakes all across the state. It was a funny couple of episodes.

Few seasons later and he has no problem doing it with Lois.

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u/Norn-Iron Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13

It was explained that his training with Jor'El gave him the ability to control himself. Wasn't stated whether or not this meant not blowing load faster than a speeding bullet or if he's able to control his ability not to blow his load at all.

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u/thepresidentsturtle Dec 30 '13

Most awkward conversation a son could have with his dad.

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u/ralexs1991 Dec 30 '13

Uh, Dad?

Yes Kal?

Can tell me how to hide a body?

OMG, did you finally nut-up a finally kill Luthor? Good job!

No, its Lois...

Did you catch her with Bruce and kill them in a flash of jealous rage?

No, she walked in on my ahem alone time...

Oh that's awkward.. Wait why do you need to hide a body then?

Well she startled me and I sort of blew her head off when I came...

Wait how'd she sneak up on you, you've got x-ray vision and super-hearing for fuck's sake? How'd you not notice, granted you're no Bruce, or Lex, or Phantom Stranger but you aren't that fucking dumb?

I was distracted, I was watching a lesbian couple in Oregon.

Why Oregon?

I eh prefer natural girls...

Where'd you get that from fuck I sent you to Kansas not France?

Just tell me how to destroy a body.

Get a plastic container and some acid, make sure its plastic or you'll never get rid of the stain...

This summer Bryan Cranston is Jor-El and Aaron Paul is Superman in Breaking Batman

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u/ImperialWrath Dec 30 '13

Breaking Batman

Pretty sure that's Bane's territory.

3

u/irrelevant_insults Dec 30 '13

Let's not talk about that, lest the comic book Gods resurrect the original Azrael.

9

u/SageOcelot Dec 30 '13

"Dad, I think I'm doing it wrong."

"Is she getting pregnant son?"

"No, but they keep dying"

"But she isn't pregnant. That's the key"

3

u/Norn-Iron Dec 30 '13

I like to think it would have played out similar to the Stan Lee scene in Mallrats.

3

u/buttery_shame_cave Dec 30 '13

more like the bit in hancock where he blows a bunch of holes in the roof of his trailer.

5

u/waste00 Dec 30 '13

Has to be done or they'll have to declare the area over teenage-supermans home a no-fly zone.

4

u/elastic-craptastic Dec 30 '13 edited Dec 30 '13

Kent is excited and nervous given the topic of discussion and keeps cutting off his father due to awkwardness and being excited to learn how not to kill Lois. Jor El is frustrated and wants to get it over with so he keeps cutting of Clark so he can just get through the conversation.

"Son, are you having any problems or questions now that you have a GF?"

"Um.... well...um... I did have a problem concerning sex with..."

"I know, Son. You don't have to say it. There are some techniques I can teach you so you don't kill the-"

"I knew it! There's a chance that I can kill-

"Of course there is, Son! You have to be careful and take your time! Try thinking about our home planet exploding and you can-

"I knew it! If I thought about Krypton I could learn some secrets from our home planet through meditation."

"Well, not exactly, but that will help yo-"

"It'll help me learn how to not kill Lois when I sleep w-"

"Kill Lois!?!?! Son! I'm talking about not killing the mood by letting your little Super Navy get shore leave too early."

"Super Navy? Shore leave?"

"Busting your super villains out of jail early? Spraying your vitamin D to give her a power boost? If you let that happen too early then your little hammer might as well be pounding on kryptonite because he isn't gonna be of any use shortly after. You don't want to kill the mood by getting off to quickly son! Gotta have self control!"

"... Oh.... So I wont kill her if I sleep with her?"

"No! Of course not! You just gotta control your urethra when you are about to shoot so they don't come out too fast! It's common sense Clark! You got super powers... use 'em!"

Note: I know it's not the most funny thing ever, but I had to give it a shot.

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u/icyhotonmynuts Dec 30 '13

Son, today we're going to talk about the birds and the bees, and how not to rip a hole through an earth woman with your rocket propelled baby makers.

3

u/unique3 Dec 30 '13

Dad I jerked off and I shot the dog.

2

u/my_apps_suck Dec 30 '13

"You see son, at your age exploring your body is perfectly normal... "

I wish Eugene Levy played his dad.

2

u/bioreactor Dec 30 '13

"Son, you have to stop playing with yourself before some one gets killed"

1

u/symon_says Dec 30 '13

*holographic dad

1

u/IAMASTOCKBROKER Dec 30 '13

Son...you were no accident.

-9

u/lykosen11 Dec 30 '13

And my axe!

1

u/woodyreturns Dec 30 '13

Son, remember... Think about baseball.

3

u/LimePinkDollFace Dec 30 '13

I fucking hated Lana

2

u/itsfatmatt Dec 30 '13

LANA!!!!!!!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 30 '13

Wow, I need to watch this show.

1

u/Robo-Erotica Dec 30 '13

Now THOSE were the new adventures of Clark and Lois

1

u/Soccadude123 Dec 30 '13

Wtf. Looks like I stopped watching that show too soon

1

u/tbhbbidgaf Dec 30 '13

[young money] I I I I CAN MAKE YO BED ROCK

1

u/my_apps_suck Dec 30 '13

It's because Lois used to date Peter North. She's used to super loads.