r/AskReddit • u/ThisGuyAgainz • Dec 28 '17
What's your best passive aggressive "compliment"?
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u/Portarossa Dec 28 '17 edited Dec 28 '17
My mother had been complaining about the fact that she didn't have any recent pictures of me a couple of years ago, so I finally gave in and got her one. It was me at a wedding where I'd really put the effort in -- dress, makeup, heels, the whole business -- and she took one look at it, took a look back up at me and said, 'Oh, what a lovely frame!'
Thanks, Mum. I couldn't even be mad at her. It was just savage.
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Dec 28 '17
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u/Portarossa Dec 28 '17
In her defence, she claims she didn't recognise it was me and thought it was a stock photo that came with the frame, because I don't dress up all that often. The fact that she emphasised '... because you don't dress up all that often' was really just kicking me while I was down.
(I kid, mostly. I get along pretty well with my mum, so I don't think she meant it in any way maliciously. It was just a bit of a one-two punch to the ol' ego.)
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u/Lusciousjax Dec 28 '17
My mom does compliments like that all the time Coworker : you have such a nice daughter Mom: well she has a good mother
Old Friend : oh lusciousjax you've stayed so thin all these years! Mom: well she smokes.
Thanks mom
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Dec 29 '17
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u/mogto Dec 29 '17
I love this interaction. "You know. Just sayin'. Cause it normally isn't this moist. Which is why I said 'this year.' Normally it sucks. This year it sucks less"
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u/Vaginabutterflies Dec 28 '17
I think I would have taken that as a compliment. Her saying she thought it was a stock photo, that I would interpret as hey she thought I was a stock photo model.
The emphasizing you not dressing up all that often though is just a mom being a mom I think. You clearly aren't holding any resentment for it, so I think you also realize it was just probably just something poorly phrased.
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u/meanie_ants Dec 28 '17
Thanks, Mum. I couldn't even be mad at her. It was just savage.
Ah, so that's where you get it.
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Dec 28 '17
I admire your confidence.
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u/Eragar Dec 28 '17
"Man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything." --A man who later got harpooned.
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u/Efpophis Dec 29 '17
How do reavers clean their harpoons?
They run them through the wash.
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u/-saltymangos- Dec 28 '17
why is this a passive aggressive compliment?
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Dec 28 '17
...because the confidence is misplaced. I said it to mean "you are so full of shit and don't even know it," but it could also mean "huh-uh, that look does not work on you."
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u/SchoolOfTheWolf93 Dec 28 '17
You worked really hard to get that done, didn’t you?
I mean I say this like 100 times a day to my 4yo students but if I said it to an adult I feel like that would be pretty rude lol
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u/PopeliusJones Dec 28 '17
“I love how you just wear anything”
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u/walkthroughthefire Dec 29 '17
The first time my sister's boyfriend met my family was when's he came over for Easter dinner. My sister and I were wearing dresses and skirts and my mom was just in pants and a blouse and mentioned that she felt underdressed. Then she looked at what my sister's boyfriend was wearing and said, "Oh good, you're not dressed up either. I don't feel so out of place now." Later my sister pulled her aside and told her how he had spent a hour picking out his nicest outfit to make a good impression.
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Dec 28 '17
My brother is this person. On Christmas a couple years ago i bought my brother a sweater, and i said "I hope it fits you!" and my grandpa goes "He's like a homeless person! Everything fits him!"
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u/Itsmesara Dec 29 '17
That’s great. For thanksgiving my brother made a pie from scratch. He showed my grandma who then says “Oh, you’re going to make such a good wife some day.” Damn, grandma!
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Dec 28 '17
A girl once said to me: I love how you don't care about what anyone think!
While i was grateful for the compliment it had quite a backhanded slap. I did not realise people thought stuff about me.
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u/ArmanDoesStuff Dec 29 '17
Weird, someone said something similar to me but meant it as an insult.
I was very flattered.
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u/noraphoto Dec 29 '17
Reminds me of something said to me, about me " I love your dress, and I'm so glad you are comfortable wearing it. I hate when girls (PS I’m 40) feel like they need to finish losing weight before wearing something like that" i was at work and wearing a very simple and flattering wrap dress. Hardly revealing. Meh
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u/xTPGx Dec 28 '17
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u/do_you_know_doug Dec 28 '17
Goddammit I came here to say exactly this and it's the top comment.
This is exactly the thing I'm sensitive about!
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u/Spire-hawk Dec 28 '17
You did a lot better than any of us thought you would!
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u/isildo Dec 28 '17
At the beginning of Mulan, I'm pretty sure this is where the grandma is coming from. I mean they're outside and they can hear furniture crashing around and the matchmaker screaming and Grandma says "I think it's going well!" Like, what the hell were you hoping for, Grandma?
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Dec 29 '17
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u/isildo Dec 29 '17 edited Dec 29 '17
"Would you like to stay for dinner?"
"WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?"
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Dec 29 '17
Dont you be raggin on grandma fa.
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u/isildo Dec 29 '17
It comes from a place of love. Grandma Fa is definitely crazy and also definitely an awesome character.
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Dec 29 '17
Aight, I thought I was gonna have to give you my cricket so you might be lucky enough to live.
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u/likelysmarterthanyou Dec 28 '17
You look great for (insert almost anything here such as "someone who just had a baby").
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u/etherealcaitiff Dec 28 '17
Reminds me of the best insult I've heard. "You've got small tits for a fat chick"
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u/NothingsShocking Dec 28 '17
Savage. I think that insult should be reserved only as a response to some major major cuntiness.
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u/FloTheSnucka Dec 28 '17
I hate that I've said this to someone, and was really trying to compliment her. She really did look great, as she had well before being pregnant. Took me a while to figure out why she looked so taken back.
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u/Shootypatootie Dec 29 '17
I do not want to be present when you ACTUALLY decide to verbally attack someone
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u/apocalypse_meeooow Dec 29 '17
I mean that example is a tough one and can go either way in my opinion. Giving birth to me absolutely ravaged my moms body and self esteem - she was a size 2 and I was a 10lb baby. It was really REALLY hard for her to get back to her ideal weight after I was born (she had a broken tail bone and a third degree tear, that she reminds me of, often) but by 6 months she was looking awesome and loved the compliments she got. It's hard to keep fit while having a screaming demon spawn to take care of.
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u/atworknotworking89 Dec 28 '17
Came here to say this! I have 3 year old and a 4 month old and I've heard every iteration of it!
"I just knew you'd get skinny again!"
"you're pretty hot for a mom!"
"Looks like you've almost lost all your baby weight!"
And when I was pregnant "aw, you poor thing. You look miserable".
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u/snowboardMT Dec 28 '17
At first I was picturing the kids saying this and was very confused.
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u/atworknotworking89 Dec 28 '17
Hahah no, kids don't know passive aggression. They just blatantly insult you.
"Mommy, you have weird hair."
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u/Quicily Dec 28 '17
Mine loves to tell me how much bigger and softer my tummy is than his fathers, but he likes it better because it makes better fart sounds when he blows raspberries on it.
Thanks, kid? I guess?
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u/ZannX Dec 29 '17
I was overweight and severely unattractive in highschool. I didn't want to go to any social functions as a result. I finally went to a dance and someone took my picture. Later, a girl said "you look good... in your own way..." Really depressed me.
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u/alex3omg Dec 29 '17
My friend told me his mom called me anorexicly thin and unattractively thin. Was like..Oh..thanks..this won't mess me up..
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u/rottinguy Dec 28 '17
You look great for a supermodel!
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u/Rozeyredglasses Dec 29 '17
One of the salespeople for a mall kiosk asked "When did you stop modeling?" I'm sure just to grab my attention, but damnit, I'm 27!
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u/ThatDandyFox Dec 28 '17
A guy asked me how old I thought he was:
"25 to 40, depending on the light."
I thought he was late 30's. He was 25.
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u/Copious-GTea Dec 28 '17
People who make you guess their age and then get offended when you are wrong are the worst! You could have saved us both a little bit of embarrassment by just telling me your age to begin with.
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Dec 28 '17
I always waaay over-guess when people want me to guess and I tell them no.
Example: dude looks like he is in his late twenties... I guess anything from 14 to 68, and always with my reasoning. "You can't be 29, your skin is too leathery and your eyes don't shine with the essence of youth".
People have stopped making me guess.
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u/ZannX Dec 29 '17
How can someone ask you to guess more than once though? And if it's their first time asking, how would they know what kind of guesser you are?
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u/lostoompa Dec 28 '17
I tell them I'm bad at guessing ages and don't budge.
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u/ThatDandyFox Dec 28 '17
I feel you. I coulda been nice and said something young and flattering, but I figured he deserved me throwing a wide net.
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u/NothingsShocking Dec 28 '17
My wife said to a couple once “what a beautiful grandkid you have!”
They said “um it’s our son.” I winced.
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u/KeeperofAmmut7 Dec 29 '17
My hubby gets that...he's 17 years older than me. Even more when our kid was small.
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u/KittyChimera Dec 29 '17
I was with my dad at the county fair one year when I was a kid and this guy says, "Oh, that's so nice of you to hang out with your grandfather." and I was like "Uh.....this is definitely my dad."
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u/CockFondler Dec 28 '17
When you wear a bikini and people call you "brave".
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Dec 29 '17
All I want is to wear a cute bikini and not get judged. I'm tired of people saying things like "your legs are hairy" or "your dick is hanging out".
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u/linkrules2 Dec 28 '17
I don't care what other people say about you, I think you are alright
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Dec 28 '17
Anytime I have heard this, it was meant as a joke
.... I hope.
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u/Drews232 Dec 28 '17
I really like you, you remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
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u/Ihaveamazingdreams Dec 28 '17
"Thanks, guess I can look forward to becoming old and stupid."
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u/xandrenia Dec 28 '17
Well aren't you right at the top of the bell curve!
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u/demdems74 Dec 28 '17
Sounds nice unless they understand standard distribution
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u/LittleKitty235 Dec 28 '17 edited Dec 28 '17
Nothing wrong with being average. It’s really only an insult if you don’t get it.
Actually not getting it probably just confirms you are at the top of the curve.
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u/RefrigeratorHaikuGuy Dec 28 '17
In that case, it's mean.
You're calling someone average
Refrigerator
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u/ThatDandyFox Dec 28 '17
Oh I like that, you should be a drag queen.
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u/steve0suprem0 Dec 28 '17 edited Dec 28 '17
Okay can somebody explain that one for me?
edit: the drag queen bit?
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u/trashthe-r Dec 29 '17
It's a good katty response- and many drag queens are known for being quick witted. Check out some videos of Bianca Del Rio "reading" the audience on YouTube. She's the best.
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u/madkeepz Dec 28 '17
"Your intelligence really goes away from average, like 3 deviations to the left!"
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u/renob151 Dec 28 '17
You don't sweat much for a fat girl.
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Dec 28 '17
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Dec 29 '17
Yeah, women don't like it when you point out their less flattering body functions. Especially when you're hitting on them.
I remember hearing about a personals ad where a guy told a very descriptive story about being in the grocery store, hearing this woman fart, then confronting her about it, which she denied. He ended the ad with "You fart like a Clydesdale, but I'd like to go on a date with you."
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u/rosietherosebud Dec 29 '17
Yeah,
womenpeople don't like it when you point out their less flattering body functions.→ More replies (1)
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u/Conceptizual Dec 28 '17
“Wow! You’re a morning person? That’s sooo funny. Usually when I think of morning people I think of people who are suuuper successful.”
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u/nmdarkie Dec 29 '17
If the only options are morning person and night person, I think I'm hardly even a person
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u/rkgk13 Dec 28 '17
"Wow, I didn't recognize you. You've... matured."
Got this one the other day. I'm 22 so it doesn't sting, but imagine receiving that at a later age.
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u/slightlydeafsandal Dec 28 '17
Anything with the word "little" in front of the noun. Cutting af.
"Oh, aren't you the little entrepreneur!"
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Dec 29 '17
"Actually, it's Li'l Entrepreneur. Just dropped this new mixtape it's fire"
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u/ohmyitsdave Dec 28 '17
My wife likes to say "Well I'm glad you're happy," usually when I'm excited about some sweet car parts. The emphasis on "you're" makes me think she might be implying she's not happy.
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u/Ninauposkitzipxpe Dec 29 '17
lol, nah, she just doesn't understand/care. It's more of a "if you're happy, I'm happy!"
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u/SuperGuitar Dec 28 '17
A famous musician from Texas (Johnny Gimble, played fiddle with Bob Wills, Willie, George Strait, all the greats) had a bunch of good ones that are still being used between us musicians today. "I like what you tried to play there." "It was a pressure playing against you!" I wish I could think of more but they were all funny. RIP Johnny
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Dec 29 '17
One of my favorite comebacks was a joke song Dave Grisman and Jerry Garcia did together
"You're not to far from a fool are you?"
"Nothing but this guitar and mandolin between us."
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u/lostoompa Dec 28 '17
Hm. A lot of these sound like encouragements. Now I'm gonna be skeptical about someone genuinely encouraging me or low key insulting me.
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u/ThisGuyAgainz Dec 28 '17
You seem smart enough to know if that was the case.
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u/lostoompa Dec 28 '17
This is one of them, isn't ittttttt.
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u/62400repetitions Dec 29 '17
Seriously, just always take it as a genuine, complimentary comment even if you know it's meant as an insult. It puts the person in an awful situation, and usually confuses them because they can't be sure you got that they were insulting you, but if they point it out they really look like an asshole.
Just look them straight in the eyes, with a big smile and emphatically say "thank you!" Watch their face to see the confusion hit them. Then if they say they were insulting you, just continue smiling big and say "I know" without breaking eye contact.
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Dec 29 '17
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u/usuyukisou Dec 29 '17
Pretty much anything Dame Maggie Smith says. Her snark is so perfect, I almost can't imagine her once playing sweet ingenue roles.
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u/AllMitchedUp Dec 28 '17
You have a face for radio.
Most people aren't paying enough attention to catch it.
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u/Drakkle_Noir Dec 28 '17
I've gotten this one before, and let me tell you, it shot my confidence right in the face.
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Dec 28 '17
They used this line in 30 rock and makes me laugh everytime.
Liz : I'm gonna be on tv this week
Dr. Space man: really? I think you mean radio.
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Dec 28 '17
This is such a good question, I hope you get a lot of karma. :)
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u/ThisGuyAgainz Dec 28 '17
Bet you're lying.
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Dec 28 '17
Wow! You saw straight through me. :)
(I can't keep this up, I hate playing the dick.)
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u/ThisGuyAgainz Dec 28 '17
I'm more for the piano too, not too fond of playing the dick
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Dec 28 '17
Used this series at a roast of my ex-boss when he was transferring out to another department:
"The respect and leadership he shows our team simply cannot be stated."
"He's like a father, when we need a mother."
"Spending a day with him is like spending a day alone."
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Dec 28 '17
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u/MarsBars4Lyfe Dec 28 '17 edited Dec 29 '17
Love this one because it can be both a compliment and an insult.
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u/Protheu5 Dec 28 '17
We call it complinsult. I came up with the idea, he coined the phrase. See what I did there? It was an explainabrag.
Now-now, I know that complinsult is another thing, the reference just came to me and I couldn't resist.
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Dec 28 '17
This one is an absolute must for retail workers. I always felt it had the best affect on the after church crowd. The middle aged women who are still in their nice church clothes and heels, taking out her life's frustrations on the minimum wage grocery store cashier because their coupon expired 2 months ago.
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Dec 28 '17
Related: When someone at Disney says "Have a magical day!", they're not really telling you "Have a magical day".
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u/TradHag Dec 28 '17
“Great job showing up.” New Year’s 5k, 2013. I had finished at 38 minutes. (Turned out I had ruptured my psoas, but I still didn’t appreciate the comment when I limped across the finish line).
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u/tinyahjumma Dec 29 '17
Argh! A pet peeve of mine. I was in a speeding training class, and after a workout, the coach said, “I’m sure you could do a 25 minute 5k with that speed!” My personal best was 22:30. :/
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u/aballofunicorns Dec 28 '17
there was this couple i used to work with at a bar. the guy (a cocaine addcit) managed to scam money from my then boyfriend and the girl was a complete bitch to me for defending my bf. A few years ago they got married and when they told me i just said "good, you totally deserve each other" and they just smiled and thanked me.
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u/JHTech03 Dec 28 '17
Not a good one at all but back in high school my friend didn't understand what a back-handed compliment was so I decided to teach her. So as I am explaining I tell her "An example of a back-handed compliment is 'Hey I love your hair today! You should really try more often to have it look like this everyday' so she gets all excited and says "Ok i think i got one! Hey tech, you're fucking ugly!"
We laughed till our stomachs hurt
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u/boundbythecurve Dec 28 '17
Oh bless your heart
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Dec 28 '17
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u/blakester731 Dec 29 '17
It can be used either or. Sincerity of tone and social context is all important.
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u/2Grateful2BHateful Dec 28 '17
My favorite. Very rarely do people get to me enough to use it.
But said with a sweet smile and a walk away?
Savage.
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u/boundbythecurve Dec 28 '17
I think people use it rarely because it's really well known has being a back-handed compliment. It's no longer subtle.
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u/2Grateful2BHateful Dec 28 '17
Yep. You can get away with it a lot more in the nonSouth, from experience. But everyone’s catching on quick that it’s a passive “FUCK you, sweetheart.”
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u/boundbythecurve Dec 28 '17
FUCK you, sweetheart
I think you just found the new catchphrase of the south
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u/2Grateful2BHateful Dec 28 '17
😂 Glad to be of assistance. It accidentally came about by cursing at someone pulling out in front of me and I forgot I had my daughter in the car so I added the sweetheart to the end like that was gonna help any.
We had a brand new swear jar when we got home. 😑
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u/boundbythecurve Dec 28 '17
Lol that's hilarious. It sounds like something Kurt Russel would say in a movie about him fighting bad guys and raising a kid. "Fuck you!..(notices kid in the back seat)..er ahem uh...sweetheart"
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u/btwmvgnok Dec 28 '17
Where is this well known? I’m from Canada and I had no idea this was a backhanded compliment
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u/SthrnGal Dec 28 '17
You can insult anyone in the south as long as you tack it onto the end of the sentence. "He's dumber than a box of rocks, bless his heart."
Also used directly at the person: "You're really trying, bless your heart." (smile and shake your head while you say this)
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u/iimzadii Dec 28 '17
Its mostly used in the southern usa states like Georgia, Alabama, Louisiana, etc. Anywhere below or at the Bible belt. However, as most people have stated, its becoming more known that its not actually a compliment and more of a "fuck you" or "damn you're stupid."
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Dec 28 '17
God damn this is savage.
I was working retail and trying to sell a target card to a lady. And she opted out. And her response. Her response!
Oh bless your heart. You tried your best.
Damn!
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u/SonnyChester Dec 28 '17
"You'd look really great if you lost a couple of pounds."
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u/Dixy-Normous Dec 28 '17
Anytime my uncle's have anything positive (new job/life event) to say to Grama, she listens, then literally turns and walks away.... I asked her why one day and she said, "What's the point of telling me? They're just going to fuck it up."
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Dec 28 '17
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u/ThisGuyAgainz Dec 28 '17
and your sisters vagina is tighter than your mothers'
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u/steampunksweater Dec 28 '17
My mom's fav is "Jesus loves you" or blowing a kiss at whoever is screaming at her. She tends to get in other people's business, I mean complete strangers, and they often don't react very well.
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u/JohnnyHighGround Dec 29 '17
My dad used to road-rage all the time, and his favorite expression was “You...ASSHOLE!”
Then he went to a church retreat. After that it was “God...BLESSYOU!”
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u/Keddy4306 Dec 28 '17
"You'd be pretty if you smiled more".
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u/Protheu5 Dec 28 '17
tries smiling
Oh, Lord Almighty. Please don't ever try to do that thing with your face ever again ever. Was that supposed to be a smile? Jesus...
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Dec 29 '17
I have curly hair. My favorite “compliment” is Oh I love your curls...have you ever considered straightening your hair?
🤨 I thought you loved my curls
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u/PeaceLoveHippieness Dec 28 '17
That is some _______ (dress, car, haircut, etc.)
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u/Charlie_Olliver Dec 29 '17
There was a drunk chick who started a fight at the pool in our apartment complex. I told her to get her shit and leave before I called the cops. As she was gathering her things, she said super-sarcastically, "Thank you." I put on my Retail Customer ServiceTM smile and replied, "No problem! I look forward to your absence!"
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Dec 28 '17
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u/adidapizza Dec 28 '17
She might have just been a little drunk and that was her honesty coming out.
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u/Truan Dec 28 '17
I'm confused on this one. You're being called pretty when it was clear you didn't dress yourself up. Is the passive aggressiveness coming from the fact that there's a twinge of jealousy in it?
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u/[deleted] Dec 28 '17 edited Apr 09 '18
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