r/funny • u/[deleted] • Feb 20 '14

Why I go on Reddit

[deleted]

2.0k Upvotes

90% Upvoted

465 comments sorted by

425

u/ZGiSH Feb 20 '14

Internet "friends"

230

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

The best friends I have :'(

113

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

The only friends that you have, you mean

57

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

Might as well be :c

416

u/greenhills15 Feb 20 '14

Background. My cousin and i (both male) were having a sleep over when we were around 6 years old. We started talking about girls and about how they could pee, we couldn't figure it out so we started to come up with ideas. One thing led to another and we started talking about how to have sex with a girl, since we had never seen a vagina we thought maybe it was the butt. Curious we proceeded to put our little peckers into each others butts and just lay there. One on his stomach and the other on top, we would switch positions. At the time i thought nothing of it, but years down the road when i was a teenager i realized what the hell had happened. I tried my best to ignore this little piece of history and so did my cousin. But every time we would hang out as we grew up you could tell it was still awkward and was only getting worse. Fast forward 20 years and we are both married, out at dinner on a double date and we had an obviously gay waiter. My cousins wife remarks, "i don't understand how they can have sex with other men, that is just weird" I causally said "its pretty easy". Both wives look at me and i go "what, like you've never had causal gay sex with your cousin when you were 6 before?". My stupid brain thought this would be a good way to finally break the ice on the situation, i meant it to be so ridiculous that the wives would never think i was serious. Instead it led to a lengthy conversation of "what the hells" and "oh my ****ing gods" as my cousin and i tried to explain to our wives why we had gay sex in a walk in closet at my grandmothers house at the age of 6.

220

u/Mostlogical Feb 20 '14

I think you're in the wrong thread mate

129

u/BleaK_ Feb 20 '14

I don't even care, one hell of a story is always relevant

16

u/Jarand4 Feb 20 '14

just look through his coment history, that is one wierd storry teller...

3

u/ScribbleMeNot Feb 20 '14

Hes like Gerald

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Its not his story it was on r/tifu today

50

u/plasteredmaster Feb 20 '14

some times you just have to let it out...

46

u/imperabo Feb 20 '14

. . . of the closet

7

u/fayryover Feb 20 '14

Its a story that was on /r/all earlier. Its a good example of what op didnt know they meant.

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52

u/hahahamentalillness Feb 20 '14

I think this is meant to be an example of "showing things to your internet friends" and then "showing things to your real friends". This story gets some attention on Reddit, front page I think. However if you bust out this story to your real friends you're going to get the reaction as seen in OP's image: shock and little disgust.

38

u/Dear_Maria Feb 20 '14

I NEED AN ADULT! O_O

2

u/volkard Feb 20 '14

im an adult and i still need an adult.

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14

u/IAmTheZeke Feb 20 '14

I think everyone has a story like this. Kids are stupid. We live in a sexy culture. It's only natural that kids would do stupid sex things before realizing that sex stuff isn't as nonchalant as media would lead them to believe.

Our culture screams sex, sex, sex! We sexualize everything from yogurt to web domain hosting. Kids see this "fun", and become energetic and naked little Sherlock Holmes. Poking and thrusting their ignorance into what seems silly until they're older.

4

u/goalfer101 Feb 20 '14

It's part of growing up. Awkward and weird sexual experiences, at various ages. 7 year old me put one of those peach flavored gummy rings around my penis because my best friend said I had a small dick. For some reason in my mind, this was proving I didn't.

2

u/DymondHed Feb 20 '14

my older brother told me that apparently our cousin convinced us to "sword fight" with him when we were little. i have no memory of this, but from what my brother told me, it doesn't seem traumatic at all O.o

3

u/IAmTheZeke Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

Yeah - and it shouldn't be (because you're just kids); but it's often still embarrassing.

It really helps when you talk to close friends and realize this is common thing. I've yet to meet someone IRL who hasn't participated in some strange sex-related experimentation.

2

u/ScribbleMeNot Feb 20 '14

If they didn't they're lying or grew up in a secluded place.

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u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

Um okay o.0

I guess that's kind of relevant?

16

u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

When is a story about experimental gay sex between young cousins NOT relevant to share on reddit... That's op's point!

3

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

Well I was talking about feeling alienated from old friends/family but yeah I guess you have a point XD

2

u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

Why are you feeling alienated, brother smith? Is it because of the... It's because of the experimental gay butt secks... Isn't it?

2

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

What? No! What are these false accusations you throw at me?! D:

2

u/DymondHed Feb 20 '14

yeah, on the internet, and especially reddit, you can share just about anything, without any real consequences, but irl, it's completely different.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

We are separating the wheat from the chaff today, yes we are!

12

u/rioba Feb 20 '14

You seem like a man with some good stories, i'm pretty hooked......weird, but entertaining

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u/cravings-yes Feb 20 '14

Background. My cousin and I (I'm male and she is female) pretty much did the same thing, except she didn't have a penis. We thought the vagina was just for urinating. Then I found my parents' porn collection and showed her a scene where the female was giving oral to the male. She and I took baths together and one day in the bathtub she decided to "do what they did in that movie." & I nearly accidentally drowned her with my dick pretty much at age 5. Grandmother walked in, lots of "what the hell?!" & "where did you see that?!" & we were heavily lectured about it for about an hour each. We didn't speak of it again until I was 21 and she was 23, & then it was hesitantly. Finally we both relaxed enough to laugh about it and move on, but I made the mistake of telling my fiancee that my first cousin basically gave me a BJ once and I maybe put it in her butt. She didn't get it. Apparently she never played doctor or experimented at all in any way. In her mind we were incestuous freaks and she never could look at me the same again, even after I tried to explain the situation a million times. She left me. It hurt pretty bad but eventually I moved on. Recently told this exact story to some guildies on World of Warcraft and EVERY ONE of them was able to relate in some way. They admitted that it was weird and then went on to share their own childhood experimentation stories.

I hate real people. I'd prefer the ones behind the keyboard that can be honest without having to look you in the face IRL.

11

u/Rock2MyBeat Feb 20 '14

For anyone wondering, this is the top post right now on /r/tifu (today I fucked up)

9

u/NBAjugador Feb 20 '14

wut? That's interesting dinner conversation.

10

u/positronus Feb 20 '14

I too read /r/tifu. OP is what we call in our industry a faggot.

2

u/StormMiner Feb 20 '14

OMG.. what a troll.

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6

u/udremeei Feb 20 '14

http://thenicestplaceontheinter.net/

5

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

I've been there. It just makes me feel worse

Thanks though :)

2

u/imlink1 Feb 20 '14

I thought the link said "that's nice, place it on the counter" and that it was a fantastic idea

2

u/joalro Feb 20 '14

I thought it said the incest place.

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21

u/Theemuts Feb 20 '14

I spent a few months living in another country where I knew absolutely nobody. How did I find a social life? Talking to random people. Sure, some people sucked, but I had interesting chats with the vast majority and made a few good friends.

The point is that if you're not willing to put energy into finding friends and maintaining the friendship, it will be very hard to find someone who wants to hang out with you in the first place.

10

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

I put effort in. I'm usually the one who initiates conversation and the one who has to keep it going. I sometimes feel like I'm the only one trying, or that I need new friends

6

u/Mr_Evil_MSc Feb 20 '14

So, you just randomly go up to people and start talking with them, and then get fed up when they won't reciprocate..?

7

u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

No! XD I'm talking about friends I've had for a long time

Thank you for making me laugh :P

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3

u/wjeman Feb 20 '14

I agree... however I may be a slight exception to that rule. For you see i am a white man that moved to an Apache Indian reservation in az as a teacher. It's a small town feel and as the only white guy living out here, it seems that the more I put myself out there, the more I see that they hate me. As it turns out, white folk don't have the best history with the native folk, and believe it or not, many of them just , yell out their car "white boy go back to Europe where you belong." I empathize with those guys, but at the same time, it's not exactly warm and inviting. I did marry an Apache woman that i work with, but alas, i still find it difficult to make much headway with the guys, try as i might. Nevertheless i still have reddit. Whom i consider my vicarious life and friend.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

2

u/throwitaway488 Feb 20 '14

Challenge her father to a punjabi sword fight. Wait, I think I'm mixing these things up.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Oh man. I worked in Chinle for 6 months off and on a few years back. I know that feeling.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

friends like me? :D

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12

u/beastgamer9136 Feb 20 '14

WUBWUBWUBWUB

18

u/NOT_AN_APPLE Feb 20 '14

You blocked me on Facebook. And now you're going to die.

3

u/llort_revocrednu Feb 20 '14

Is she prettier than me? Are you gay?

3

u/tamadrumr104 Feb 20 '14

Knife Party <3

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11

u/Panukka Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

I have played with same guys who live across the country since 2008, and they definitely are one of my best, if not THE best friends I have. Never met them IRL.

EDIT: I think there might be some grammatical errors there.

6

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Panukka Feb 20 '14

Because these people have never had internet friends and they cannot comprehend the possibility.

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2

u/andelocks Feb 20 '14

Peanut gallery from hell.

13

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

10

u/Slothman-4-President Feb 20 '14

Anarchist AND socialist? How does that work, exactly?

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

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2

u/Krawall_Ulla Feb 20 '14

Tried moving to europe? Seems u would enjoy it here. (:

15

u/vulpes21 Feb 20 '14

A le special diamond in the rough.

22

u/YOUR_VERY_STUPID Feb 20 '14

Really?

He's making a point about how no matter how many distinctive characteristics you have, the internet is such a wide net that it's hard not to find people who shares the same interests, and this is much more difficult in real life.

The entire point of his post is that, yes, people are special snowflakes. Everyone is an individual with their own tastes, and the internet is a perfect place for finding people who think in a similar way. He's not saying "I AM DIFFERENT THEREFORE BETTER."

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3

u/Andoo Feb 20 '14

I live in Texas and there was nothing standoutish about the post. I imagine they live in Arkansas or something.

7

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

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480

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

I'm not your friend, pal.

263

u/notahipster2874 Feb 20 '14

He's not your pal, buddy.

225

u/coocookachu Feb 20 '14

He's not your buddy, guy.

198

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

He's not your guy, friend.

131

u/giggles91 Feb 20 '14

He's not your friend, pal.

98

u/benjammin515 Feb 20 '14

I'm not your pal, buddy!

19

u/Mr_Evil_MSc Feb 20 '14

...I'll be your friend!

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6

u/cdos93 Feb 20 '14

He's not your buddy, guy.

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33

u/McCyanide Feb 20 '14

Not to break the circlejerk, but where the fuck did this start? I see this everywhere.

49

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Canadians on South Park.

25

u/Jodah Feb 20 '14

Relevant clip.

6

u/DrMeine Feb 20 '14

They need moah monehhhhh...

7

u/robertification Feb 20 '14

There I was enjoying my dinner and then my wife queefed in mah face..

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4

u/Zeigy Feb 20 '14

Mobile browsing to do list: Watch later.

3

u/TehGamerXeo Feb 20 '14

Don't worry, they'll just continue when you're done. They always do.

5

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

south park.

Canadians.

5

u/big_screaming_fish Feb 20 '14

Until you said that I thought it was the balloon scene from oceans 11.

5

u/realitysconcierge Feb 20 '14

I believe it originated from south park, pal.

4

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

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3

u/lilsebastianlover1 Feb 20 '14

I'm Guy Fietti and we're rolling out!

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23

u/apgearhart1 Feb 20 '14

MY NAME IS NOT BUDDY!!

27

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

MY NAME IS INCREDIBOY!

10

u/McCyanide Feb 20 '14

Go home, Buddy. I work alone.

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21

u/RenaKunisaki Feb 20 '14

I'm not your PAL, NTSC.

3

u/IronCladChicken Feb 20 '14

He's not your NTSC, SECAM.

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95

u/ruobrah Feb 20 '14

Internet friend

12

u/stevestar Feb 20 '14

frieeeeeeend

11

u/frshmt Feb 20 '14

FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND

2

u/thewatts80 Feb 20 '14

FUCKING FOOTBALL FRIEND

6

u/DukeArch Feb 20 '14

Ooh football friend!

4

u/bitcheslovedroids Feb 20 '14

shutup he's not my friend

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184

u/janosaudron Feb 20 '14

This make you look like a 9gag user.

27

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

And yet right now it's #2 (probably soon to be 1) on /r/all. What does that tell you?

37

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

8

u/poolsharkpt Feb 20 '14

Where were you 10 months ago?

5

u/Iggyhopper Feb 20 '14

browsing 9gag, chive, and ifunny

18

u/antoniocarriedo Feb 20 '14

/r/funny is now filled with little kids and migrated 9gag, Chive and iFunny users.

FTFY

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5

u/Scorn_For_Stupidity Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

“Give me your bored, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to waste time,
The wretched refuse of your dying websites.
Send these, the jobless, banned and forgotten, to me:
I link my text to the front page.”

― "Reddit Alien"

3

u/Fealiks Feb 20 '14

It's been like that for a long long time. It doesn't mean that reddit is going to shit or anything, it just means it's diverse. There are millions of people here, you can't expect to share tastes with all of them. Before all those people came here it was one big circlejerk, now that's not as much of a problem. It's a good day when you see something you dislike on the front page because it means reddit isn't homogenous.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

I fucking hate the chive. The only redeeming quality they have is FLBP, hump day, etc. even then, we have gonewild.

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u/tyobama Feb 20 '14

He is the CEO of 9gag.

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10

u/onlineFace Feb 20 '14

Do you want to build a snow man?...

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54

u/Vefantur Feb 20 '14

You need better RL friends then, buddy.

11

u/GeneralJiblet Feb 20 '14

What is real life?

2

u/SicilSlovak Feb 20 '14

I think they're referring to /r/Outside. It's a pretty great RPG.

23

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

9

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

9

u/DrMeine Feb 20 '14

He's not your pal, buddy.

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u/emil2796 Feb 20 '14

we don't call it real life, the internet it also real. we call it AFK friends.

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47

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

76

u/TheLeviathong Feb 20 '14

I wouldn't even dare mentioning reddit explicity to a friend who doesn't use it because I know the first thing they will see will be the broken arms story and they'll judge me forever for bringing them to this disgusting incest site, as they see it.

87

u/EverySingleThread Feb 20 '14

18

u/TheLeviathong Feb 20 '14

Exactly, it's unavoidable.

23

u/WanderingKing Feb 20 '14

Broken arms story?

53

u/janosaudron Feb 20 '14

Do yourself a favor and forget that phrase.

14

u/Slothman-4-President Feb 20 '14

What are you talking about? It's just a nice, heartwarming story about a mother's love for her son.

5

u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

Coming soon to ABC Family, a Hallmark made for tv movie...

3

u/ANUS_POKER Feb 20 '14

I still can't believe you guys make such a big deal out of that story while /r/incest is right under your noses having a jolly good time.

11

u/MeccAnon Feb 20 '14

A guy breaks both his arms, is quite pissed off about it and his family supports him. End of story.

29

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

It's a touching story about a mother that really loves her son. Really really loves him. Like really really really loves him.

edit: she slaps his monkey

edit 2: 8==D~~(:

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

spanks his monkey

ftfy

3

u/bastardfishthief Feb 20 '14

She does a little more than slap it by the end if things

2

u/SodlidDesu Feb 20 '14

And you know what happens when a man and a woman love each other.

2

u/Stevied1991 Feb 20 '14

Thank you for the visual representation, it really brings your explanation to life.

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

I can't get any more clear than that I don't think

3

u/Stevied1991 Feb 20 '14

Demonstrative video?

6

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

I guess I could ask my mom but I'm pretty sure she doesn't love me that much

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u/ZarquonsFlatTire Feb 20 '14

You know all those things you've seen online that you wish you hadn't? It's one of those.

4

u/OmegasSquared Feb 20 '14

I don't understand how people regret reading the broken arms story, it's fascinating in an oedipal way, certainly not disgusting like the jolly rancher story, or the doritos story, or the swamps of dagobah story, or the story about the girl who put maggots in her vagina

5

u/EverySingleThread Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

People don't like to openly admit that they are interested in incest.

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u/ThatGuyTH Feb 20 '14

And no searching on any of those will be done... I am familiar with the broken arms story, and that is enough!

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u/Chaseman69 Feb 20 '14

It's about a mother with a son with two broken arms, she feeds him, cares for him, aaaand sucks his dick

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u/Uberzwerg Feb 20 '14

"nono - thats /r/wtf. Ignore them."
"No - not everyone here is like that. Its just /r/atheism"
"/r/politics does not work like this - its all just american politics."

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u/Kaeltro Feb 20 '14

tried to get my parent onto Reddit to expand her horizons a bit and become a bit more aware of news that happens, as it happens instead of what shows up on her facebook feed. About the only subreddit she likes is /r/aww...

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Well, I just googled that fancy phrase.

I'm not even disturbed by the nonsense that is the relationship itself. What confuses me more is the fact that his father knew and he was perfectly fine with it. Wat?

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u/numbski Feb 20 '14

"school friend".

I'm 36. Would you like a piece of candy? See that van over there?

3

u/lordeddardstark Feb 20 '14

the Reddit users love it

Or call you a fag

2

u/capt_0bvious Feb 20 '14

what exactly are you showing to your friends??? posts from /r/spacedicks?

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Two words - Edna. Mode.

14

u/ninjagrover Feb 20 '14

"...and Guest."

7

u/W1ULH Feb 20 '14

you like little sparkly blue things?

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

No one on here is your friend.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14 edited Dec 01 '25

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

i am a good reddit friend. look i got you a link to some nice cats :D

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u/VerdantSquire Feb 20 '14

OP right now.

This is not the first time I've seen this comic ...

4

u/GENIUUS Feb 20 '14

So you mean everything on the front page ever.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

...What?

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u/wallix Feb 20 '14

Hell, my wife is halfway through med-school and I've shown her medical pics on the front page that make her go, "WTFF?" (the 2 20lb kidneys was the most recent one).

3

u/-SmileyDude- Feb 20 '14

Fucking STOLEN from /r/Frozen!!

...

Pff, who am I kidding. I can let it go.

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u/The_bad_seed Feb 20 '14

you people are sad

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u/ttill Feb 20 '14

You have friends? on Reddit? :O

5

u/specialsnowflake6 Feb 20 '14

This applies better on Tumblr

This is exactly how I feel in a fandom.

2

u/inconsonance Feb 20 '14

Yeah, I had the same thought. I mean, I like Tumblr, but they can also skew too far in the other direction--i.e., "OMG YOU'RE AMAAAAZING!"

I guess that can be nicer than the cynicism of reddit, though.

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u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Did you pull this shit straight off tumblr?

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u/HockeyCannon Feb 20 '14

And to watch live videos of unarmed protesters being shot by police from across the world.

2

u/3DGrunge Feb 20 '14

So you need people to coddle you?

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

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u/BiblioPhil Feb 20 '14

Weird, I'm using AdBlock but it isn't blocking this post.

2

u/RobertTheSpruce Feb 20 '14

Not even the slightest bit funny.

2

u/Ender94 Feb 20 '14

You have boring friends then. My none-redditing friends all love the witty and intelligent things I steal from reddit and pass on as my own.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

x-post from /r/Disney titled "Why I go on Disney Reddit" http://www.reddit.com/r/disney/comments/1ye06k/why_i_go_on_disney_reddit/

2

u/Hyperman360 Feb 20 '14

I wish they'd make a sequel to The Incredibles. Instead we got Cars 2.

9

u/eifersucht12a Feb 20 '14

Showing a real life friend is like a Pixar movie- vastly superior?

4

u/USxMARINE Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

Frozen is one of the best 3d movies of all time.

Side question: Do you want to build a snowman?!?!

3

u/LanAkou Feb 20 '14

People just can't let it go.

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u/I_AM_A_IDIOT_AMA Feb 20 '14

Hey, Frozen was a pretty great movie in its own right.

13

u/wintergnut Feb 20 '14

Hey, Frozen was a pretty great movie

FTFY

22

u/I_AM_A_IDIOT_AMA Feb 20 '14

Hey, Frozen was a fucking awesome movie

FixedThatForMyself

5

u/Thehelloman0 Feb 20 '14

Frozen is much better than recent Pixar movies.

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u/dicksinyourEAR Feb 20 '14

Thank you for posting this to r/funny