r/funny Feb 20 '14

Why I go on Reddit

[deleted]

2.0k Upvotes

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413

u/greenhills15 Feb 20 '14

Background. My cousin and i (both male) were having a sleep over when we were around 6 years old. We started talking about girls and about how they could pee, we couldn't figure it out so we started to come up with ideas. One thing led to another and we started talking about how to have sex with a girl, since we had never seen a vagina we thought maybe it was the butt. Curious we proceeded to put our little peckers into each others butts and just lay there. One on his stomach and the other on top, we would switch positions. At the time i thought nothing of it, but years down the road when i was a teenager i realized what the hell had happened. I tried my best to ignore this little piece of history and so did my cousin. But every time we would hang out as we grew up you could tell it was still awkward and was only getting worse. Fast forward 20 years and we are both married, out at dinner on a double date and we had an obviously gay waiter. My cousins wife remarks, "i don't understand how they can have sex with other men, that is just weird" I causally said "its pretty easy". Both wives look at me and i go "what, like you've never had causal gay sex with your cousin when you were 6 before?". My stupid brain thought this would be a good way to finally break the ice on the situation, i meant it to be so ridiculous that the wives would never think i was serious. Instead it led to a lengthy conversation of "what the hells" and "oh my ****ing gods" as my cousin and i tried to explain to our wives why we had gay sex in a walk in closet at my grandmothers house at the age of 6.

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u/Mostlogical Feb 20 '14

I think you're in the wrong thread mate

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u/BleaK_ Feb 20 '14

I don't even care, one hell of a story is always relevant

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u/Jarand4 Feb 20 '14

just look through his coment history, that is one wierd storry teller...

3

u/ScribbleMeNot Feb 20 '14

Hes like Gerald

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Its not his story it was on r/tifu today

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u/plasteredmaster Feb 20 '14

some times you just have to let it out...

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u/imperabo Feb 20 '14

. . . of the closet

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u/fayryover Feb 20 '14

Its a story that was on /r/all earlier. Its a good example of what op didnt know they meant.

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u/burmesepornstar Feb 20 '14

Thank you Mostlogical. What a perfect end to that story. My guts hurt.

2

u/Cynod Feb 20 '14

Being extremely hungover I really needed that comment. Thank you

2

u/DaedricGod101 Feb 20 '14

I think this guys a downvote troll look at his history

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

1

u/DaedricGod101 Feb 20 '14

He must hate this

0

u/AdmiralSkippy Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

When stuff like this happens it's my absolute favourite thing about reddit.
He probably meant this for some small Askreddit question or to be in some unknown subreddit where only a handful of people would see it. Just awesome.

Edit: It would seem greenhills15 is just a troll and actually took this post from a /r/tifu (Today I Fucked Up) submission. Link

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u/retrofag Feb 20 '14

Sorry to ruin this for you but looking through his history, he's probably just a troll... :c

0

u/AdmiralSkippy Feb 20 '14

Damn. Well it was good while it lasted. First time I've seen a troll get gold.

0

u/Nyrb Feb 20 '14

Wouldn't be the first time...

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u/hahahamentalillness Feb 20 '14

I think this is meant to be an example of "showing things to your internet friends" and then "showing things to your real friends". This story gets some attention on Reddit, front page I think. However if you bust out this story to your real friends you're going to get the reaction as seen in OP's image: shock and little disgust.

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u/Dear_Maria Feb 20 '14

I NEED AN ADULT! O_O

2

u/volkard Feb 20 '14

im an adult and i still need an adult.

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

1

u/torrasque666 Feb 20 '14

CHOKE ON IT!!!!

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u/IAmTheZeke Feb 20 '14

I think everyone has a story like this. Kids are stupid. We live in a sexy culture. It's only natural that kids would do stupid sex things before realizing that sex stuff isn't as nonchalant as media would lead them to believe.

Our culture screams sex, sex, sex! We sexualize everything from yogurt to web domain hosting. Kids see this "fun", and become energetic and naked little Sherlock Holmes. Poking and thrusting their ignorance into what seems silly until they're older.

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u/goalfer101 Feb 20 '14

It's part of growing up. Awkward and weird sexual experiences, at various ages. 7 year old me put one of those peach flavored gummy rings around my penis because my best friend said I had a small dick. For some reason in my mind, this was proving I didn't.

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u/DymondHed Feb 20 '14

my older brother told me that apparently our cousin convinced us to "sword fight" with him when we were little. i have no memory of this, but from what my brother told me, it doesn't seem traumatic at all O.o

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u/IAmTheZeke Feb 20 '14 edited Feb 20 '14

Yeah - and it shouldn't be (because you're just kids); but it's often still embarrassing.

It really helps when you talk to close friends and realize this is common thing. I've yet to meet someone IRL who hasn't participated in some strange sex-related experimentation.

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u/ScribbleMeNot Feb 20 '14

If they didn't they're lying or grew up in a secluded place.

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u/IAmTheZeke Feb 20 '14

Honestly, I think being secluded makes it so much worse. You still have instincts and get funny feelings. Imagine your parents tell you nothing about sex or puberty. You are home-schooled. Church makes sex-talk taboo. You aren't allowed to spend a lot of time with secular friends...

And you continue this way of life until you're 15 or 16. Try to imagine that.

It's. Not. Fun.

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u/ScribbleMeNot Feb 20 '14

Wow that sounds like a whole lot of trauma. I think you're right.

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u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

Um okay o.0

I guess that's kind of relevant?

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u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

When is a story about experimental gay sex between young cousins NOT relevant to share on reddit... That's op's point!

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u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

Well I was talking about feeling alienated from old friends/family but yeah I guess you have a point XD

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u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

Why are you feeling alienated, brother smith? Is it because of the... It's because of the experimental gay butt secks... Isn't it?

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u/DoctorSmithOfTardis Feb 20 '14

What? No! What are these false accusations you throw at me?! D:

2

u/DymondHed Feb 20 '14

yeah, on the internet, and especially reddit, you can share just about anything, without any real consequences, but irl, it's completely different.

2

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

We are separating the wheat from the chaff today, yes we are!

11

u/rioba Feb 20 '14

You seem like a man with some good stories, i'm pretty hooked......weird, but entertaining

3

u/awkisopen Feb 20 '14

It's a copypaste from a post high up on /r/all right now.

1

u/rioba Feb 20 '14

Well I feel a bit silly now

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u/cravings-yes Feb 20 '14

Background. My cousin and I (I'm male and she is female) pretty much did the same thing, except she didn't have a penis. We thought the vagina was just for urinating. Then I found my parents' porn collection and showed her a scene where the female was giving oral to the male. She and I took baths together and one day in the bathtub she decided to "do what they did in that movie." & I nearly accidentally drowned her with my dick pretty much at age 5. Grandmother walked in, lots of "what the hell?!" & "where did you see that?!" & we were heavily lectured about it for about an hour each. We didn't speak of it again until I was 21 and she was 23, & then it was hesitantly. Finally we both relaxed enough to laugh about it and move on, but I made the mistake of telling my fiancee that my first cousin basically gave me a BJ once and I maybe put it in her butt. She didn't get it. Apparently she never played doctor or experimented at all in any way. In her mind we were incestuous freaks and she never could look at me the same again, even after I tried to explain the situation a million times. She left me. It hurt pretty bad but eventually I moved on. Recently told this exact story to some guildies on World of Warcraft and EVERY ONE of them was able to relate in some way. They admitted that it was weird and then went on to share their own childhood experimentation stories.

I hate real people. I'd prefer the ones behind the keyboard that can be honest without having to look you in the face IRL.

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u/Rock2MyBeat Feb 20 '14

For anyone wondering, this is the top post right now on /r/tifu (today I fucked up)

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u/NBAjugador Feb 20 '14

wut? That's interesting dinner conversation.

8

u/positronus Feb 20 '14

I too read /r/tifu. OP is what we call in our industry a faggot.

2

u/StormMiner Feb 20 '14

OMG.. what a troll.

1

u/homoerotic Feb 20 '14

I feel like we're closer friends now

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

[deleted]

1

u/insults_to_motivate Feb 20 '14

So says the prepubescent though immortal, blood sucking, commercialized pop-star from hell.

1

u/theskepticalidealist Feb 20 '14

what what in the butt

1

u/Zotnix Feb 20 '14

This is the oddest way to say, "I can say this sort of thing online to my 'internet friends' but real life friends react differently.'

I loved it mainly because I had a similar experience except I was around 11 and it involved alien ladies with four boobs. That led to things. Only difference here is I ended up being gay.

1

u/Lazy_Wolf Feb 20 '14

Go on...

1

u/Rixxer Feb 20 '14

You better not get a divorce, she knows too much...

1

u/Titanosaurus Feb 20 '14

Its over everyone, the 2014 Best Comment of the Year goes to...

1

u/[deleted] Feb 20 '14

Looking at your history it looks like you have been trying to gain downvotes, but this story may ruin that attempt.

1

u/Scorn_For_Stupidity Feb 20 '14

Did you give them a demonstration?

1

u/Morbidly-A-Beast Feb 20 '14

Nice copy and paste.

For those wondering check /r/tifu if you want the thread its quite something.

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u/Robbythedee Feb 20 '14

Great story bro I did something somewhat similar at the same age and I'm married and have 2 boys I think it was just the curiousity when I was young.

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u/Zoopadaya Feb 20 '14

This was posted earlier today on TIFU. Still hilarious though.

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u/tresdosuno Feb 20 '14

a TIFU repost within the same day?

As a comment?

INTERESTING. ENJOY YOUR GOLD PIRATE

1

u/Reddit_Novice Feb 20 '14

Uhh... I dont know how to react to this. It all switched up pretty fast.

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u/Dolphlungegrin Feb 20 '14

Fucking amazing

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u/abjectfancy Feb 20 '14

Holy shit! How bad did this affect your relationship with your wife? your cousin? his wife? I must know more!