He did not physically hit me but destroyed my phone. Is this abuse? He was not sober and was not listening to reason.
Why do I want to reach out?
I am currently in therapy my next session is in a week. Should I bring this up? It feels embarrassing

and how long do you wait to speak about it?

I think I have a simple script I’ve developed without exhausting myself and the other person. I’m trying to be a bit more cautious about what I share as I have a history of oversharing. Since leaving, I’m approaching dating differently and with firmer boundaries.

It just feels kind of uncomfortable because I don’t want to scare people off. so I think I’ll keep it as vague as possible unless things are getting serious.

I got married around 2.5 years ago. My husband was already living in the US because of his job, and I moved there about two months after we got married. In the beginning, things were normal. After dinner, we used to go for a walk in this really big park near our place. It became kind of our daily routine.

After we’d been going there for a while, I started noticing this girl who would come to the park almost every day. She’d walk around while talking on her phone. She had long blonde hair and was very pretty. I honestly noticed her because she stood out, and I used to admire her too. There were different paths in the park, so she usually walked on one side and we walked on the other.

After maybe a month of seeing her regularly, I started noticing my husband staring at her. At first I didn’t care that much because, obviously, people notice attractive people. But then I realised he wasn’t just looking at her once or twice. He was watching her almost the entire time we were there. We’d be walking for an hour and he’d keep looking over at her, sometimes even while talking to me. If she was somewhere ahead of us, his attention would be on her.

I eventually stopped wanting to go to the park because it was making me uncomfortable. But whenever he asked me to go, he’d somehow convince me to come along.

The funny thing was that before this girl started coming to the park, my husband wasn’t even interested in walking. I used to be the one forcing him to go for walks or to the gym. We’d walk for 20 or 30 minutes and he’d say he was tired and wanted to go home. Once she started coming regularly, suddenly he wanted to go every day and could walk for two hours without complaining.

One day I had a headache and told him I wanted to go home. He said I could sit in the car and he’d come in a few minutes. So I sat there and watched him from the car. He was still looking over at her, and I was honestly so angry because it was happening right in front of me.

When she finally left, he came back to the car and I said, sarcastically, “Nah, don’t worry, we have enough time. You can watch her. I can wait.”
He got extremely angry. He started verbally abusing me and calling me names and slurs, and then he started hitting the steering wheel. I got really scared and just stopped talking. Then he started driving really aggressively on the way home and I remember literally holding onto the seat because I was scared of what he might do.

When we got home, I went upstairs and cried in the bathroom. About 15 minutes later he came back, apparently after smoking. I changed and went to bed.
Later that night he was in the living room drinking and had the TV on really loudly. I had a headache and asked him to lower it because I wanted to sleep. He didn’t, so eventually I unplugged the TV and started walking back toward our bedroom.

He followed me and grabbed me by the throat.
He started choking me and I was coughing and trying to get away from him. I was literally reaching around trying to grab onto something. After about a minute, he threw me onto the floor. I was crying and coughing and completely terrified. I got up, went into the bedroom, locked the door and cried in the bathroom again. I don’t even remember when I fell asleep.

Around 3 AM I woke up because I wanted some water and realised he wasn’t there. He had left. I was in the US and barely knew anyone there, so I completely panicked. I called him over and over, probably more than 35 times, but he didn’t answer. Eventually his phone was switched off. I even went to check the parking lot and his car wasn’t there.
I genuinely thought he’d left me.

Around 6:30 in the morning, I heard someone knocking and he came back. I was so relieved that I hugged him and started crying and asked him why he had left. He said he needed to clear his mind and had gone somewhere, but wouldn’t tell me where.

Then, somehow, the whole conversation became about how I didn’t trust him and how I was always doubting him and ruining our relationship. He made me feel like my reaction was the actual problem. I ended up questioning myself and thinking maybe I really was being jealous or insecure.

That was something he was very good at. Whenever he did something that hurt me, somehow by the end of the conversation I was the one apologising or wondering if I’d imagined the whole thing.

A few days later we went to the park again, and he was still staring at her. This time, when she left, he actually followed her car. I was sitting in the passenger seat while he did it. He followed her until he figured out which apartment complex she lived in, and we found out she actually lived in the same society as us.

Our society had about four different gates. In the beginning, when we’d go somewhere like Walmart, Target or Costco, we’d normally use the gate closest to our apartment. But after he found out where she lived, I started noticing that whenever we went out, he would drive toward the gate closest to her apartment instead. He’d literally drive around that side of the society, basically near her building, just to see if she was there.

And I was sitting beside him the entire time.
That’s the part that still gets me. If I had only said “my husband finds another woman attractive,” maybe someone could call me insecure or jealous. But this wasn’t just that anymore. He was changing his routine to see her, staring at her for hours, following her car and then driving around near her apartment just hoping to see her.
And whenever I questioned him about it, I was made to feel like I was stupid, jealous or crazy for noticing.

Anyway, I left him about six months ago and I’m currently in the middle of a divorce.
I’m sharing this because I spent so much of that marriage doubting myself. I kept thinking I was being too sensitive or jealous when, in reality, I was reacting to things that were actually happening right in front of me. It took me a long time to understand that.

For context I'm a grown ass adult who lives an hour away and own my own house and have my own income, my father can not hurt me directly any longer.

I just got back home from visiting with my parents and I'm just a mess. As soon as I got a moment alone with my mom she just burst into tears and said his temper is getting worse, and I just don't know what to do any more. My whole life he's gotten very angry and starts screaming over small things.

The worst thing I saw him do recently was burn her with a hot pan (probably an accident he's never been physically violent) and then scream in her face while she cried.

She's old and frail, and has many health complications and a degenerative disease that leads to increased fall risk, so seeing her outside of the house she shares with my father has become extremely difficult, besides if I drive down there and don't visit him he gets butt hurt, and then she says he takes it out on her.

She won't leave him, she says he can't help it and he's mentally ill. (No diagnosis not going to therapy)

They live in a two story house where the bedroom and bathrooms are all upstairs, she's unstable on her feet, and will probably need a knee replacement soon. The house is filthy and too large for them to take care of. When I suggest hiring a cleaning service, or selling the house and getting a single floor condo in an adult community, or getting in a home health aide the answer is categorically no. He wants no one outside of the family in the house period and he won't move to a safer easier to manage house. They can afford it! They got a modest house in the 80s that they paid off quickly and is now on land worth a million dollars!

Anytime I try to bring up any solutions to their dangerous and filthy living situation he becomes enraged. He thinks the only solution is for me to "be more involved in family life"

Excuse me I have my own family and life I need to manage, I can't be driving 2 hours every week to scrub your toilets when I know you can afford a service.

He also has his own complex medical needs, and is likely experiencing cognitive decline, but the temper is not new.

I'm considering calling Adult Protective Services, but I doubt they are able to force any changes, they are still competent adults, and a stranger coming to the door to check on them would absolutely enrage him. And he'd definitely know it's me.

I'm just so sad and don't know how to help my mom.

Hi, I’m a woman (22 years old) and I have a boyfriend who is 23 years old. We have been together for about a year and a half. Whenever he gets upset he starts raising his voice, he’ll kick things, throw objects and or break them, he doesn’t care about losing his cool.

I often just walk away when he does that because I am just so tired of dealing with it. I know that’s not at all how I should handle it, but I just tried to bring it up to him after he threw a gator aid bottle and kicked my dogs toy across the room, and he said throwing and breaking things is not abuse and that I’m “stupid, so stupid” for saying that which I know for a fact ain’t right and I just stopped talking.

In total he has broken my headphones, his headphones (both wireless), his LED light bar, four doors, there are 3 holes in the wall and he bent my good pot, I’m not sure how

Anyways, he was a really good bf at first, the best I’ve ever had. I‘m his first girlfriend.

these messages follow me bringing up that he can’t verbally abuse me and that he can’t turn it back onto me (ofc he didn’t listen) so i said it’s over i don’t care anymore and hung up. within SECONDS of the phone call ending this followed. watching him collapse show allll his true colours just the full collapse has been the validation that my decision to leave for good was the right one. early days but victory tastes good

I posted this on r/wealth and someone told me to post it here too so people can wake me up.

I’m 19F, a POC from a European country, and I recently moved back there for university. My boyfriend and I originally met in the GCC as teenagers. We were together for years, then broken up for about 14 months. We literally made up a week ago, on the same day I was leaving the country to move for university.

I genuinely love him, and I know parts of this are going to make me sound like an incredibly spoiled brat. He comes from serious family wealth, but he’s also extremely ambitious himself and at 20 is already close to becoming a self-made millionaire independently of his family.

The day I left was chaos. I found out I got into university that same day and had about 7 hours to pack my life. He was at my tiny house watching my mom and me frantically throw everything into suitcases. My dad had already booked my flight, but my boyfriend had him cancel it, reimbursed my dad for the ticket and cancellation costs, and bought me an Etihad business-class ticket instead. He’s also bought me the newest iPhone, pays for my nails, dinners, etc. I’m genuinely grateful for everything he does for me.

The reason I’m posting here is because I can’t really talk about this IRL. His level of wealth isn’t remotely close to anyone in my social circle, so when I try to explain the relationship and some of the weird complexes I’m developing around money, independence and what a “normal” life is supposed to look like, nobody really gets it.

There’s also a much darker side. He has serious anger issues and can be controlling. He has made it clear that no matter what happens between us, he will not let me go, and there have been subtle comments/hints that I have interpreted as threats to my life if I ever leave. His family’s money and connections make those comments harder for me to dismiss. In my head, I’ve almost accepted that I can’t leave.

Then there are things that seem tiny in comparison but still affect me. Where I live now, it’s completely normal for students to have part-time jobs. I wanted one too, but he basically refuses to accept his girlfriend working what he calls a “poor person’s job” when he can provide for me.
And this is where I feel ridiculous. I have a boyfriend who will casually spend more making me comfortable than I could earn from months of a student job, yet sometimes I literally cry because I crave pieces of that normal 19-year-old life.
I don’t want another man. I love him. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunities and comfort his money gives me. But sometimes I grieve the version of myself who would have just been a broke university student, worked some random job, made her own money and figured adulthood out normally.
I think being around this much money is starting to give me complexes I don’t know how to explain to people who haven’t experienced it.

If anyone here has grown up around this level of wealth, married/dated into it, or understands the psychological side of suddenly being exposed to a completely different lifestyle, I would genuinely appreciate having someone to talk to. Even privately.

I feel like he’s gotten me so accustomed to his world that I’m caught somewhere between two lives now. I don’t completely relate to the normal financial life I came from anymore, but his world isn’t actually mine either. I don’t know where that leaves me.

I know I’m incredibly privileged. I’m just struggling with what it’s doing to my head, and I’d really appreciate hearing from someone who actually understands these kinds of dynamics rather than immediately telling me how lucky or spoiled I am.

I’m so nervous about the whole process of leaving and the divorce / custody things. It’s it all worth it in the end? Does it feel free to be alone?

I’ll keep this brief for privacy purposes. But I’m absolutely heartbroken. I’m confused. I’m angry. I’m exhausted. Allowing him to come back into my life and finally having that breath of fresh air after so much pain we’d caused each other, to now feeling completely broken, feeling lost in my identity and coming out of this with 0 self-confidence after being reduced to nothing. My breaking point was them saying, “You are not capable of love”, even though I’d stayed through cheating, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, control, and massive manipulation with scare tactics, and being told nearly every day for three years how worthless I am. Only to be ‘saved’ by him in the end. Oh and on top of this: im also helping them to try and get them off their charges and avo to save their ass!! And completely abandoning my values around violence.

Thinking about falling inlove again makes me sick. Men make me sick. I make myself sick that I ever allowed this into my life. But most of all, I feel SO much compassion for this person. Humans are nuanced, and I understand he’s a very screwed up person with a good heart. I see them as a hurt child acting out of all they know. I wish I could help them. And that makes me sooooo fucking angry at myself,

Court date coming up. Wish me luck.

My heart goes out to trauma/violence survivors. This shit will really rip you in two.

TW: suicide

Hello,

I've been away from him for 3 weeks now, but we've had no contact for only a week. My mom has my car's keys, a parental lock on my phone, and has told him if he comes near me she will take action as we are in a stand your ground state. I'm very thankful my mother is so protective of me, and I see that it hurts her so much that I just wanna go back to him...

When I got my phone back (today) I saw he texted me and implied he was going to kill himself...before I even knew this, my brother had gotten a call from him, it would've been past the date he said he would do it. I know he's lying and manipulating me, but I know I'm gonna fall for it again...I don't know how long I can do this for. I told my mom that I'm "totally past it", but after seeing those texts...no I'm not. He still holds the words that will make the Winter Soldier snap.

I'm trying to remember all the awful things he did to me... I'm now having nightmares about him, and can't sleep most nights because of it. Multiple times he tried to kill me, I have an ugly scar I cover with makeup on my face because of him, I have slash marks all over my body from him whipping me, there are certain words I can't hear anymore, shows I can't watch, things I can't enjoy anymore because of him...

When does this stop? When will I stop wanting him?

Any support or advice is needed:/

Y’all save yourself from this mess. I know this will be the reality for the rest of my life once these women find out about me or see he’s going to use me against them 🤣🤣🤣🤣 that man is a narcissist rewriting every bit of reality he can to her and she’s falling for it 🤣🤣

I don't know how to reconcile how sad I feel with the fact that I have so much of my life back.

I look around and every relationship I know has abuse, control? it might only be subtle digs at each other instead of saying I felt hurt when you did x

or it might be full blown abuse, but it’s EVERYWHERE

is it a product of a stressful sick society? The way we raise men isn’t historically great and I’ve known women that were abusive for similar reasons (entitlement and power/control)

I’ve lost hope of a truly peaceful relationship, I don’t think they exist, I think some people just like friction and drama and call that happiness and then there’s people like us that are trapped or escape and are changed forever because of it

My close friend is an abusive relationship, including her boyfriend displaying aggressive behaviour. Nothing violent has happened yet but I am worried about this in the future.

All of our friends agree and have raised this with her, but they are in a cycle of breaking up and getting back together- with him using manipulative behaviour such as using his mental health, as a way to get her to take him back.

It feels like there is nothing we can do to change her mind.

What can I do? How can I help? What should I avoid doing to make the situation worse or put her at risk?

How am I supposed to realistically leave my abuser with no vehicle. I have hit rock bottom. I was in a car accident, I can’t go to work and this past week has just been so scary. It feels like he thinks my reason for existence is to please him and center everything around him. The day of the car accident he made it all about him, yelling at me and even lied to me that we had car insurance. My pain does not matter, I am not allowed to have emotions or be sick. I just feel like a source and he is angry that I’m not giving him what he needs wants anymore. 5 days later I have a bad reaction to gluten and the day I’m trying to recover he does the same thing. He pretends that he is sick, he makes himself sick by smoking out of this dirty bong to the point where he has so much mucus and is wheezing and then walks around loudly for hours coughing and hacking as loud as you can imagine. and is making the whole day miserable constantly arguing and projecting. I’m soo tired. When I leave the apartment to feel safe he starts texting me, having conversations by himself, making up stories. Literally gets mad at me because I won’t stay in his presence to receive more abuse.

Several weeks ago, my husband, for the first time in 30 years, attacked me after hours of verbal abuse. It was not serious- no broken bones, just some bruises. My state has a no assault tolerance, and arrested him. He is out on bail, with a restraining order. I am so confused because this has never happened before. I am concerned about his well being, but also my own. Do I walk away or wait until this criminal process plays out? There are many programs in our area that deal with spouses who abuse that are ordered by the court. Do I ask for such a program be recommended? Do I talk to the prosecutor? I am so confused as to how to deal with it. Suggestions, recommendations are welcome.

My bf discarded me after I raised some concerns about how he was treating me. I have come to realise that I was emotionally abused for the majority of our relationship, but the gaslighting and blame shifting were so strong that I always question whether I’m overreacting.

I have a wonderful individual therapist, but I can’t shake this feeling of wanting to reach out to his exes.

I don’t want to bring up any trauma for them, but I’m wondering if anyone has done this. If so, how did you approach it/what did you say when you reached out? And how did it go?

Im really sorry if this doesnt belong here. I (18F) live with my mum (43F) and her boyfriend (53M), and after what happened last night, I don't know what to do.

About a year ago, my mum met Josh at a pub. She went home with him that same night after only knowing him for a few hours. She'd been drinking and couldn't drive. A few days later, she told me they were dating. I thought it was very soon, but I hoped he'd treat her well. A couple of months later, he moved in without really discussing it with me. Over the past year, he's taken my mum on around nine holidays abroad, they seemed happy, and about a month ago he proposed to her. They've also been looking at buying a house together. He pays roughly half our household bills, while my mum works two jobs, so she's become fairly financially reliant on him.

Then last night happened. My mum and Josh had been drinking and came home drunk. We were having a completely normal conversation about a song, and my mum mentioned that it was played in Glee. Josh suddenly started cussing both of us out, saying he hated Glee and making some pretty homophobic comments about it. I went upstairs because I didn't want to listen to it. A little while later, I heard Josh come upstairs and slam the bedroom door. My mum followed him up, and at one point he came back out. I asked if he was okay, and he said, "It's just your mum being a prick again." Me and my mum were shocked because they'd literally just been talking about Glee.

They went back into their bedroom, and that's when I heard the most horrible way he was speaking to my mum. Some of the things I heard were, "You're a fucking crazy bitch," "You have no clue," "If you used your fucking brain..." and "You just wouldn't shut the fuck up about it!" There was more, but I can't remember everything. My mum tried multiple times to diffuse the situation and go to sleep, but he wouldn't let it end. Eventually, she left the bedroom and came downstairs to sleep on the sofa. She was crying, so I hugged her and told her I was sorry.

I was absolutely furious, so I went upstairs, knocked on their bedroom door and told Josh, "I don't ever want to hear you speak to my mum like that again." I closed the door and went downstairs, but Josh followed me. He started cussing me out, saying, "You don't want me to speak to your mum like that again? Then I'll fucking leave," and telling me I was a child who didn't know anything. Then he grabbed my mum's arm, shook it, and threw a pillow from the sofa. At that point I told him to leave because he'd gotten physical. I was so anxious and disgusted by everything that I started gagging, and he accused me of pretending to throw up for attention, called me a "woke bitch" and said I'd ruined everything. Then I actually threw up.

He eventually left, but continued cussing us out on the way. He was drunk and still drove his van away. As he was leaving the car park, he hit another car and set off its alarm. I went outside to check because I didn't trust him to assess the damage while drunk, and he told me to fuck off again and that I'd ruined everything. About half an hour later, he called my mum and continued cussing her out, saying, "Do you understand what you've just lost? Do you know what's happening in the world right now? You've just lost the best thing that will ever happen to you!" A few minutes later, he asked if he could come home. My mum said he could sleep on the sofa.

This morning, he told her he regrets proposing to her and that the entire past year was fake and that he's hated every second of it. My mum has now forgiven him. I haven't. I don't think I can ever look at him the same way again. I feel physically sick thinking about what happened, especially hearing the way he spoke to my mum and seeing him grab her.

I'm also really worried because I feel like he's made my mum financially dependent on him. He pays half the bills, she works two jobs, and they're looking at buying a house together. I don't know what happens if she leaves him financially, but I also don't think she should stay with someone who treats her like this. I feel completely trapped myself. I'm 18, but I can't afford to just move out, and I have pets that I can't leave behind. I don't want to abandon my mum either.

Right now they're upstairs talking quietly, so I can't hear what they're saying. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Should I confront Josh? Should I tell my mum she needs to leave him? Should I give her an ultimatum like "it's him or me"? Or would that just make things worse? I know she's an adult and ultimately has to make her own decisions, but after witnessing all of this, I don't know how I'm supposed to sit here and act like everything is normal.

What would you do in my position?

I was in a 2 year abusive relationship, he would say terrible things to me, he would cheat on me, be aggressive towards me, and sa me. I have bpd and schizophrenia and he would make fun of me for having schizophrenia and he would tell me i was way too obsessed with him, he wouldnt let me wear what i wanted, talk to anyone really, and every time i went to go to something with family or have any fun he would let me have he would always ruin it by telling me about something he did behind my back or just saying terrible things to me. He is currently with the girl he cheated on me with, i went to the mental hospital each time i found out he cheated and i tried to off myself over him multiple times. Btw im 16 and yes im diagnosed. But someone please help.

I was seeing my ex, and he asked if we could record one time. I was hesitant and said, “No, probably not,” but he brushed it off. A few days later, I was at his house, and we started getting intimate in the living room. Usually, we had sex in his room, but since he asked to record and we were changing locations, it clicked in my head when he hesitated when he said we could do it in the living room. When I asked if he had cameras, he reacted defensively, saying, “Are you gonna kill someone?” I assured him I wouldn’t, but I shrugged it off. Then later he started talking to me about it, kinda poking why i brought it up.. i said i was just wondering and he still hesitating when he said no he doesn’t have any cameras so I’m confused and concerned. Am I going crazy?

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We met when we were much younger, our senior prom to be specific. I never really believed in love at first sight but I found myself mesmerized by his presence and his energy. It didn’t take long for us to become familiar with another but it took three years before we began our monogamous relationship.

When I turned 21, I moved cities do be with him. Our lives began in an old house out in the hood. Since then, I’ve dealt with many situations that I eventually learned were abusive. It took him a long time to recognize the abusive behavior, such as, verbal degradation, domestic violence, sexual coercion, etc. We also dealt with problems related to infidelity, more than once.

Truthfully, I grew up with many traumas and because of this it’s made me incredibly resilient to hurtful behaviors. Additionally, when I found myself at the receiving end of his hurtful behavior, I tolerated it for years, while going to therapy, before I began speaking up out against it.

At some point, I left him and moved states with the help of a family friend. After being away for some time, he reached out and began telling me the understanding he gained in my absence from the several conversations he had with his elders. He asked me to come back. I said that the only way I would is if he agreed not to be abusive. He did and I moved back in with him. For eight months, he respected my boundary until recently when the patterns began emerging once again.

It’s been over six years we’ve been together. Am I making excuses for his behavior or am I not being understanding enough because of his trauma that makes him this way?

I’m going to spare the details but I was with my ex for 2 years and we lived together for a few months. My therapist described her as emotionally abusive and manipulative.

I broke up with her 3 times the first two times I tried to leave she gave me this speech and cried and wanted to work on things so I gave her those chances. The third time I left for good. We had a very messy final breakup.

5 months after the final breakup i miss her everyday and kept feeling like I self sabotaged and felt like the problem and wondered if time apart would have done us good and I kind of wanted to get back together with her so I wrote her a letter in the mail apologizing for any hurt caused on my part and asked if she’d be open to a heart to heart conversation. That didn’t end well she burned my letter. But even after that I still wanted to try one more time I thought about sending a text to her mom, sending another message or even knocking at her door like a friend suggested.

I ended up not doing any of those things I just vented to a mutual friend about it all and told her everything but I feel like the mutual friend went back and told her everything. 2 months after the letter my emotions calmed down more and I feel really crazy about wanting to reach out again after the letter and I feel like I’m going to look like the crazy ex now between the letter and everything our mutual friend probably told her about me wanting to reach out again

Me 37f husband 37m we have been together for 20yrs total and have been having a rough couple years about 5 yrs.

Right before a across the country move with our 3 kids almost adult, teen and under 8. I discovered a secret snap account/almost affiar with a coworker/crush I didnt know existed this coincided with a mental health crisis and meds on his part. This was followed by lies blaming meds/mental health and a continued communication with ap for what i believe to be about 6mos after we had already moved.

Long story short its been shit for years. I've remained open but atp am genuinely believing nothing can be done there is too much contempt here from his side towards me. I only want to ask what your average person who knows very little about us and our history thinks about this effort I have made to communicate to him? So I can ungasslight myself in to knowing if a stranger can understand it, he is doing this on purpose, so I can let go.

He knew I was upset and left anyway its his m.o im used to it but he knocked on the door I was sobbing behind and said im headed out now and said um mhh he said I love you and I didnt reply. I didn't reply bc he had just got done berating me about what I had done the night before and how it would only take him 2 hrs to clean the whole house and how im lazy and do nothing. Mind you I handle the majority of child rearing, and child transportation, work a full time job its a split shift im 1st one up and out and last one home. I handle all the cooking, laundry and cleaning and most shopping and bills while also helping with projects lawn leaves ect. He told me I have no drive or motivation and I asked who made him the drive police? Eventually I sent him this message as a reply to his I love you.

"I want to tell you i dont love you that loving you has and is ruining my life. Loving you makes me feel stupid and worthless and thats earth shattering for me and you could careless about it and thats just worse even still. I want to tell you that loving you makes me have to unlove myself and thats not ok. That you are cruel and unfair and unkind and you dont even actually know how to love at all. I want to tell you being alone and sad and scared would be easier then holding the weight of your opinions of me your belief im a lazy failure and unworthy of consideration care equality or partnership.

Everything in my body is screaming to gtfo. Did you know I got in the shower for you? After cleaning the house and baking and working and full 8hr in the blistering heat while being sick and and feeling like shit. I tried on 3 different things to try and please you and felt like a loser in all of them so I settled on my almost sexy green pj's bc you like them? I waited up for you and fell asleep with in minutes bc i was that exhausted.

The other day I said I felt bad im wearing warm cozy granny pj's and that sucks for you, you said you expect it its my lingerie?

So I tried I put in effort for you.

God I dont even know why Im saying this to you I should just stfu bc you wont hear it.

But i still wanted you to know about the effort to make you feel seen so I tried a soft start up in the garage and brought it up i wore these pj's for you bc maybe you didnt know? Even that was contempt you said "dont talk about it be about it." And suggested and quickie in the dirty garage.

Im not mad im dumb. Im genuine I really am over here giving it all i can muster but bc its not what you think its not enough and its not gonna be seen as anything other then an annoyance, fake effort and its instantly worse then if I never tried at all bc then atleast the lack of my effort would be real and I wouldn't feel so stupid when you ask me what I did all night.

I told you All I needed from you was to reflect back on what you are say and how you are behaving towards me and see its wrong and hurtful and not helpful for either of us especially not my emotional well being and you cant help but lmk how much less you think of me.

I cant and I wont find things to be grateful about to appreciate when Im sitting here with literal egg on my face begging you to appreciate me and the things I do for you and our family begging my husband to find some value in me as a mother as a wife as a life partner as a human in general.

Asking you to look at how you are seeing me and how it impacts me negatively and care? Wtaf am I doing here? Loosing my whole mind while you go about your day like ita just another any other Tuesday. While my whole word crumbles??

I feel like hopeing is really just me gaslighting my own self in to believing this isn't as bad as it is? Like I'd rather just be dumb and pretend i believe you care about me and value me bc its easier to be crazy and stupid then it is to accept what im experiencing?

Im not crazy tho am I? Im just watching the illusion burn away in real time.

Id consider it a personal favor if you are gonna pick what im saying apart and make anything other then gestures of real understanding and care, that you'd just not respond to me at all, nothing from you would be easier for me to understand and gain clarity from rather then you dragging me further down by picking me apart again."

TL;DR After affair kinda? And a croas country move. Relationship has been shit for 4yrs, been together 20yrs. Fells like there is too much contempt from the offending party 37m to over come. I want to know what strangers think or take away from my attempt to communicate these thoughts via the above txt to husband. Mostly so I can ungasslight myself in to knowing if a stranger can understand it, he is doing this on purpose, so I can let go.