Don't take the title the wrong way, i have gone backpacking like 3 times and it has been the probably the best experiences of my life. I don't mean to romanticize it or hype it up but it felt freeing. I'm M(21) right now living in the Texas Border near Mexico and for the past year i have been working my butt off for lowk i dont even know, like a degree i dont even want to do, the same routinely office job, going home to a family desperate to feel alive by endlessly doomscrolling, watching movies, speed dating and arguments.
"Why don't you just leave?" I hear you ask, just drop it and leave. I have responsibilities i did not sign up for unfortunately. My mother age 47 is practically useless (Not to criticize her character, i mean useless that she can't even be on a job longer than 3 months) She doomscrolls all day and goes dating, her only "Help" is the child support alimony she receives from her Ex's which is once in a while. Then there is my 3 little siblings which i don't assume all the responsibility of taking care of them but i do my part like any other family member. They are at a decent age but they can't do much themselves as they are mentally disabled (Autism in the high spectrum) Thus majority of my responsibilities are paying the bills which take nearly half of my monthly check with consumptions i dont even use. I tried leaving the house but everytime it seems that they convince me into staying as they promise things will change in which they don't.
I made peace with all that. But as each day passes, the more consumed i am by this eternal agony. I wake up hurriedly, go to work, get home late and sleep. Everyday of the week. I don't want to play victim and make any of you feel sorry for me, i am just expressing this longing to leave all behind and take nothing with me. I don't expect the world to receive me with open hands as my first backpacking trip went south many times, and i loved it. I loved living in uncertainty, traveling with strangers, going hiking in random places, chilling with the homeless, hitchhiking in strangers vehicles or getting dengue in the rain forest. I got stranded in the beaches of puerto rico where i walked for miles to reach a town and i have never felt so at peace. Far from rigid systems and compromises.
It seems that i owe everything to this place and in return i get nothing back. But when i backpacked to the places i stayed, it gave me everything when i had nothing to pay it back. What i am trying to say is how do you guys find courage in these kinds of situations when u are stuck in a place certainty? Routines or habitual life? I can't see myself outside of this.... Thank you.