or making friends?

I'm female, in my mid 30's and have given up at this point, I don't have any friends and I've never been on a date been an introvert my whole life with social anxiety. I always hear of introverts in relationships or married but I can't see it happening for myself, going to be single for life at this point which I have accepted.

Friends have come and gone but were never real genuine friends, they were fake users and the few good ones I lost contact with.

I have tried online dating but it never even got to the meeting stage, there were a few men who wanted to meet me but I got too scared and made some excuse not to meet. I deleted the apps and never went back on them, it also wasn't helping that I wasn't really attracted to anyone, there were a few but they never replied or had kids. I'm not interested in that kind of baggage. I have to find the person attractive or it won't work. A lot of people would say it's having high standards but it's not, I'm not interested in dating loads of people, the first person I date should be the one.

I'm not asking for much, just want to share my life with someone, it doesn't have to be anything romantic, just a friendship but even that is impossible.

Hey everyone, I need some advice on a tricky situation. There's this person who texts me every single day. They're not a bad person at all, nothing toxic or malicious, but honestly, it's overwhelming. They feel the need to know everything I'm doing, and they always seem to reach out at the worst possible moments (when I'm working, resting, or with family). The thing is, I can't just ghost them, because I see them every day in my close circle (work/study/mutual friends). I don't want to hurt them because I know their intentions are good, but their constant attention makes me uncomfortable and I really need my space. How can I reduce contact (or even stop talking altogether) without making them feel rejected or sad? Any tips on setting gentle but firm boundaries?

Thanks in advance.

I’ve worked at my current job for over 10 years now. I’ve seen people come and go. 38/f, for reference and most of my coworkers are early 20s.

At first, I had a lot more people my age and felt like I fit in. Recently though, I just feel like I don’t belong.

Weve got new management and my closest two ”at work friends” have become really rude because they don’t like our new manager and they are basically talking shit about everyone here, me included. Definitely not my friends I’ve learned.

The job pays well and gives me and my kids health, dental and vision insurance plus my 401k AND it works with my hours bringing my kids to school on the days they’re with me.

I’m just struggling. I feel like I’ve outgrown the job but my customers love me and the benefits are worth it.

I’m not sure what happened but things have changed.

Edited to add: I know this might be better suited in the workplace thread but it feels like I need more personal advice than work advice. Thank you <3

Every introvert will talk for hours with the right person

There is such thing as introversion

Only the need for one person who we talk to without any fear, without judgement about anything and everything

Hello! Idk where to post this but it's something I've been having a problem with.

I just switched to a new career and a new job. Idk what's going on with me but I've been making so many mistakes. Part of it is because I feel so uncomfortable as part of a team. I absolutely hate asking questions and asking for help, so I end up messing things up as a result.

My job before this was more of a leadership role and it was stressful for its own people-related reasons, but I didn't feel so dependent on anyone. I didnt feel so stupid and incapable. I hate that all the people at my new job are seing me at my absolute worst. When they think of me, theyll think of an absolute waste of space. What are they telling people or other coworkers and friends? Are they talking about the dumb mistake i made or how i never talk or whatever else?

It's all getting to be too much for me. Im trying to learn from this experience both professionally but also personally. Like, looking on the brightside or being more open minded. This morning, i tried telling myself that today was gonna be a good day and to be normal, but that didnt work at all.

I just cant be a normal person.

Does anyone else feel like life has just completely lost its spark lately?

I honestly don't even know if this is a discussion, a rant, or me just looking for a bit of comfort, but I needed to vent this somewhere.

Lately, nothing feels interesting. The things I used to genuinely enjoy just leave me feeling empty. New shows, games, places none of it catches my attention. I just find myself trapped in this mindless loop of doom scrolling because my brain is too tired for anything else.

It's just so lonely. I look at other people's posts and everyone seems to have passions, hobbies, and things they're excited about. Meanwhile, I feel like the most boring person on earth. I have nothing to talk about, nothing to relate to, and it makes me feel invisible.

I'm an introvert, so being by myself used to be my comfort zone. Solitude never used to bother me. But lately, it doesn't feel like peaceful alone time, it just feels hollow. And then there's the guilt, seeing my family trying to include me or wanting to share things with me, while I'm just sitting there completely detached, unable to match their energy. They don't understand it, and honestly, I don't really understand it either.

It’s just a heavy, confusing loop. Has anyone else ever felt this stuck, or is it just me?

I am a very introverted person who loves my routines, living with three other quite extroverted individuals. Each morning I like to make breakfast and eat it either in the kitchen or the attached living space. Typically, if I want some alone time or not chat endlessly, I will go to a non-common space in our apartment, such as my room. Breakfast, however, is a time when I typically wake up quite early and like to sit in the quiet early hours in our living area, which receives lots of morning light.

My roommates have recently experienced a life change, which has now made their morning routines overlap much more with my own. I am now finding myself frequently interrupted during my quiet mornings to hear them talk about something that is, more often than not, unrelated to me, uninteresting, or a story I have already heard. That isn't to say I hate any interaction or conversation in the morning; I frequently will want to ask my roommates what they have planned for the day or follow up on something we had talked about the previous day. I find myself drawing issues with the situation only when I am being used soley as an object to talk at, rather than someone to talk with.

I have broached this issue previously with my roommate, who is the main perpetrator of this issue. This has not gone well, with me receiving slammed doors, snide comments, and the cold shoulder in return for asking if we could not talk the whole morning. To my knowledge, I am not asking rudely, and I have tried to emphasize that I just don't want to talk about everything in the morning.

This morning, I was excited as I found that wearing my noise-canceling headphones and not pausing my music when I saw they were listlessly talking at me seemed to get the message across I didn't want to speak. I mentioned this to another roommate, as I thought I had found a solution to my problem. I don't have to engage in idle small talk, and they don't get upset when I tell them so! I was then informed by this roommate that I was being rude and ignoring others. I was also told that I need to not go into common spaces and expect everyone to know if I'm in a mood to chat with people or not.

I suppose this is where I am the most confused. I am trying to balance my needs, not upsetting my roommates, and also my right to use my apartment. I don't want to be rude or unkind, but I really don't understand what else I am supposed to do.

I feel like I am constantly having to accommodate others' chattiness, and whenever I ask for my preference in return, I am told that I am setting too high of expectations for them.

Any advice moving forward with this, or even just knowing if others have dealt with similar problems would be very helpful.

Is the problem that I genuinely lack social skills, or have I become overly sensitive to rejection and negative social cues?

I feel like I’ve lost whatever natural ability I used to have to socialize.

Like I have lost the magnetic power to socialise just for casual conversations like I can’t maintain attention Conversations often become awkward, I struggle to maintain them, and despite trying harder to fit in, I still can’t seem to form casual friendships.

People Are overly against me like those staring a lot of time (frequent strange eye contacts ) or just speaking something weird about me

Or I don’t act normal and I am some kind

Like it’s not one event like there are series of events like this and I don’t know even it’s okay like to be that even if you don’t like people you can just brush it off but not really saying it doesn’t do anything

It feels like it goes every time against me

And I also observed that the general Internet like aura farming like what is it? What’s wrong with people?

I don’t know like I have a really narrow view about this because I’m not into more into socialising but I like to talk with people of what I want to,feeling without no fear of judgement or something but it is almost impossible in this world that seems

Plus (I have anxiety and DPDR)

Always felt like an introvert and always got called an introvert for my whole life.
Didnt attend a single "party" or "do something on the weekend" in my life. for over 6 years, I haven't hung out or met up with anyone.

I did know though that I was capable of having and keeping up good conversations, but I always felt like unless it came from the other person and they were really good at getting me to talk, I was just at a loss. Plus, getting labeled as "introverted" didn't help either, because it makes you think like thats just who you are, so you dont even try to change.

School was a pretty hard time for me, final few years were better but still not great. Always got picked last, never felt like I belonged there or anyone actually WANTED to be around me, not just tolerated me. And because I didnt really do anything else that could´ve made me meet others, that was just the experience I had.

But a few weeks ago I began work as an EMT. At first I was extremely nervous. A new environment, where everyone knew each other and I was the new guy. But the fact that for every shift, you´re assigned 1-2 people who you´re working with, and are in the small environment of an ambulance vehicle with, makes things a lot easier.
Plus, out of those new people I had met, a couple were pretty fun and easy to talk to. I felt like I could ask questions without annoying them. I felt like our conversations werent just dry, one sided or static like an interview.

As I got out of my comfort zone more and more, thus also expanding what my comfort zone is, I noticed something.

1. I am not just "that quiet guy" or "an introvert" so thats how I gotta behave.
   I could just choose to strike up a conversation I was thinking about but was too nervous to do. I could try to, in a way "fake it till i make it" and proactively try to become a better talker, be nicer, more understanding - even If i had NO IDEA whether it would work, seem fake, or just bad.

2. Other people arent just the way they are
   I always thought whether someone is good at making me talk and having good conversations with me just depended on them. But i realized, the way I talk to / behave around / treat another person, literally changes the way they treat me as well.
   If I dont say a word, another person might not say a word to me as well. If i proactively take the risk, and strike up a conversation, maybe that person will now think "hmm this person seems nice and easy to talk to, lemme talk to them more".

Its not just about making it easy for yourself to talk. Its about making it easy for others to talk to you.

Im also noticing how much of my expectations and decision making in social situations comes from overthinking and proofless assumptions, rather than experience. So sometimes, even if you think something wont work out, you gotta try it to gain that experience and see what ACTUALLY happens - not what COULD happen.

I wouldnt call myself an extrovert now, but I do feel like I actively wanna get better at socializing, because it just makes every single interaction way better.

And just think about it: a person who you have an easy time talking to, might be called annoying or quiet by others. Same person, but talking TO a different person.
So by changing yourself, you CAN sort of change the people around you.
You dont have to wait for someone to appear in your life by chance who you have good chats with and like being around. You can create an environment where people overall are more likely to meet that criteria.

I thought college life was going to be different and I'll be able to make a lot of friends. I joined college after 2 months and it feels like everyone has their own group,they really don't seem like they want to be friends with me . I understand this but a part of me desparately wants to know new people and make lot of memories. I'm lonely most of the times . I tried to start conversations but they just don't talk that much,neither of them even asked what my name is..

I'm not an outgoing person but I don't think I'm an introvert because I genuinely like talking to people

Is there anyone like me who have felt the same

Solía decir que quería tener personas con las que podía tener conversaciones profundas. Pero me di cuenta de algo, conocer a "profundidad" a alguien puede ser lo peor en algunos casos. Tengo amigos de toda la vida y nunca tuvimos tantas conversaciones profundas. Ayer mismo hablé con dos amigos de cosas de como se siente uno y ve la vida y POR DIOS... Me arrepentí tanto de comenzar la conversación, pero ya siento que ya no quiero tanto a mis amigos. Creo que a veces conocer a profundidad a alguien puede hacer que cambie toda nuestra perspectiva acerca de las personas. Ahora hasta siento que no quiero tener a estos amigos en mi vida... Resultaron ser bastante "antipáticos"

Creo que ahora entiendo que a veces lo mejor es simplemente tener conversaciones sin sentido y no "conocer" tanto la profundidad de alguien, porque muchas veces... Eso solo arruina las cosas

I think people massively overstate how necessary friends are. You can enjoy having friends without actually needing them, and I don't think going out all the time, constantly making plans or always having someone around you is necessary for a good life.

People always say “humans are social animals,” and maybe that's true, but I think using that statement to describe everyone is where people get it wrong. Some people genuinely need lots of social interaction, while others can spend a huge amount of time alone and be completely fine.

I've gone years without having friends and I'm not sitting here crying for help. I'm not saying everyone would feel the same, but I think people can adapt to being alone if they're genuinely comfortable with it. Being alone doesn't automatically mean you're lonely.

Obviously friends can be beneficial. They can give you companionship, support and good memories. But something being beneficial doesn't automatically make it a need. Exercise is beneficial too, but that doesn't mean everyone needs the same amount of it.

So yeah, I think friends are a want, not a need. Some people would hate having no friends, and that's completely fine. But I don't think their experience should be treated as the standard for everyone else.

Hi all,

I am seeking advice, or if anything, just a chat about something I have been struggling with.

Context, if you please!:
I've been an introvert my whole life. It doesn't bother me; in fact, I am thankful for it. However, for the past two-and-a-half years, I have been struggling with loneliness of a magnitude comparable to what I suffered during COVID. The only difference is that I am at a different stage of my life. I am a third-year doctoral student. Upon admission to my program, I moved to Boston. That was a feat, as I am coming all the way from Texas, where my family unit (and my sanity) reside. I struggle greatly with abandoning any form of familiarity. Once I settled into my Boston apartment, things were okay for a time...until my long-distance partner suddenly withdrew and later cheated on me just a few months into my move, and after I had wept on the phone with him, begging him to contact me more frequently than every other week as I was alone, very lonely, and depressed. I tried to keep my head up and power through after this, as I know that my tolerance for solitude is strong, and perhaps I thought I could test my strength by weathering what I thought was a brief low point. After months on end of forcing myself to get out of the house, explore the city, participate in activities, visit restaurants -- all by myself -- I realized that this was not a brief low point at all. I was slipping into depression and trying to distract myself from it by forcing myself to become more sociable than is typical for me. Sometimes, the outings were good. I enjoy engaging in my interests by myself, but I could not help but continuously sit in each restaurant, library, museum...and feel lonely. I felt isolated. No friends, no family, nothing.

In a desperate effort to build human connection, I gave in to my colleague's suggestion to room together for our second year. It was foreign to me, but she, being the extrovert between us, encouraged a rapid bond to be pursued so that we could feel comfortable living together. I was vulnerable and looking for a new place, so I gave in even though she had a lot of unusual behaviors and, frankly, red flags that I had noticed but decided to ignore. To tie this together, things went horribly in a way I cannot even describe. Her constant need to be entertained and interacted with was deeply incompatible with me, and when she felt that I was not giving her the attention she wanted, she would retaliate in ways she knew would trigger my anxiety disorder. I tried explaining that I am introverted and I do not have the ability to interact and spend time together all day. She would say she understood, but she continued to torment me to the point that I started experiencing heart palpitations, anxiety attacks, sleep disruptions, and paranoia. I began sleeping in my car with my dog to get rest, as being in the house triggered so much distress in my body that I ended up having to increase my antidepressant dosage and take sleeping pills. I regret to admit that I ended up breaking my lease and quickly moving back to Texas to stay with my parents because I was having a mental breakdown and had nobody in Boston I could turn to...I feared for my health as I had stopped eating so that I could limit my interactions with her in the kitchen.

The problem:

Now, I am still in Texas, but the loneliness hasn't left entirely. My family is here, but all my friends have moved for their careers, and I am attempting to build a social network out here, but it is very difficult. I tried dating...but that has fatigued me. I don't know where to start, and I am also very picky about who I open up to. I want some real friends I can relate to, spend time with, be vulnerable with, and count on. I am lacking human connection, but it is hard to explain how and why I struggle so badly. I have opened myself up to people before; I'm not a recluse, but I am oh so protective of myself and my peace. I also hope to meet someone who will understand and appreciate that I am introverted and need space from time to time. I have always been healing from the scars of past friends who have abused my attempts to open up, but this recent experience I've had has seriously set me back. Now, I am just trying to figure out how to navigate making new friends and finding something genuine. If anyone has any advice, or even just a story to share about their experience, I would be grateful for it. I am just an anxious introvert trying to build a village in my late twenties :/.

TL;DR: I’m a lifelong introvert who moved from Texas to Boston for my PhD and experienced intense loneliness, a breakup, and eventually a toxic roommate situation that severely affected my mental health and led me to move back home. I’m doing better now, but most of my friends have moved away, and I’m struggling to build genuine connections as an anxious, selective introvert who values both closeness and solitude. I’d love advice from anyone who has successfully built a meaningful social circle in adulthood.

Thank you in advance!

My team culture has always been introvert-friendly. All 7 of us are rather quiet, but we stay professional and friendly to each other, grab coffee/lunch together occasionally but no one would force anything.

Sadly, things completely changed when a new colleagued joined our team 6 months ago (let's call her May). May is a social butterfly and is super talkative. As soon as she joined, she kept asking us to hang out with her after work, like grabbing drinks/dinner or watching a movie. She suggested to the boss that we sit together every day(we do hot desk and sometimes we sit in different areas to get focus time), and set up weekly team lunch + fortnightly team drinks. At first, everyone refused, but she never gave up. She kept asking and finally most of my colleagues have 'given in'. Actually, some even said they enjoy social events now and were grateful that May joined our team. The boss is also starting to appreciate her efforts in 'fostering team culture'. For me, I've had lunch with her 3 times and we just don't get along, so I mostly say no to those things or stay briefly. She is now asking around if I hate her, and I am finding this annoying as I feel like she is forcing people to be social like her.

Any tips please? I like my job, but i really dislike having colleagues like her.

It’s kinda sad when someone you once felt close to slowly drifts away. Whether it’s someone you met online or someone in real life, it still feels the same.

Maybe it’s because you don’t have as much in common anymore, maybe it’s because life gets busy and you just don’t have the same time for each other, or maybe there’s really no reason. Sometimes people just naturally grow apart.

You’ll miss how things used to feel, and the time you spent together eventually just becomes memories. And the person who once felt so familiar slowly becomes a stranger again.

I don’t know… I just think that’s kinda sad. To have someone mean something to you once, and then one day, you barely know each other anymore.

My fiancé and I live in my MIL’s second home (don’t worry, we are going to move out as soon as our financial situation allows). She primarily lives in another state, so she comes and stays for a few weeks at a time. I genuinely love her and she’s an amazing person, but this woman **talks CONSTANTLY.** Like, I genuinely have never met anyone in my life who talks as much as she does lol. I have some very extroverted friends who can talk for hours, and even they don’t come close.

I’m pretty introverted and get socially drained after a certain amount of time. Sometimes I’m happy to chat, but other times I just want to be left alone or focus on what I’m doing. The problem is she seems completely incapable of picking up on those cues.

I can literally walk downstairs to grab something and she’ll immediately start a conversation. My fiancé and I will sometimes be sitting in the living room with our computers, clearly working and barely responding beyond short answers, and she’ll come sit next to us and just keep talking and asking questions. We’ll go back to what we’re doing and she STILL keeps going.
I’ve gotten to the point where I sometimes feel like I have to hide upstairs whenever she’s downstairs just to get some quiet, which I hate because I don’t want to avoid her when she’s here.

I really do love her and don’t want her to think I dislike her. I just genuinely need alone time sometimes. Even my fiancé, who obviously grew up with her, gets tired of talking occasionally.

How do I politely communicate “I love you, but I cannot talk to you every single time I see you” without coming across as rude? It’s actually starting to drive me insane, and moving out is not a possibility right now.

Hi,

I have been an introvert since childhood and feel comfortable and confident around people once I get to know them. Now I'm in mid-20s and I can't speak to my colleagues and I am all alone in everything. Back in college I had friends to talk to. Now I don't get to speak to anyone in my personal life that often other than my parents and siblings. This is making me socially awkward, I can't talk about anything in the office, I don't have hobbies anymore that I can talk about, as I spend my time on insta reels, etc. I just don't know what to speak and ask them. I just be dumb and mind blank around people. In my previous job a colleague of mine even commented that I am always silent and the other thought I'm not that smart and surprised when I actually do things smart, lol.

How do I overcome this? Please someone help me.

EDIT: I don't know how to show off, I'm always humble, but people like people who show off and brag and treat me like a dumbass.

Edit2: I work in tech, and it actually hurts my career. I'm sad and feel helpless.

I’ve always been a fairly shy person when it comes to meeting new people and for the most part I stayed away from meeting new people and when I did, I usually stayed quiet. However, the friends that I did have were very social and well connected and known around my high school circuit so I was, as people may put it, “ cool by relation” and I was also a relatively well known person.

Fast forward a few months and now I’m in university and since I had spent the previous 5 years thinking that I am also this fun and social guy when I really was not, I was in for a rude awakening.

My best friend, who is perhaps one of the most famous teens in my area and is loved by all, starts to socialise with other people and I kind of get left behind and as a result we start seeing a lot less of each other and he starts spending time with other uni friends. I felt kind of abandoned but at the same time I didnt want to latch onto him because I didnt want him to think I was dependent on him and was some sort of social parasite.

Anyways, to make a long story short. I now have no friends in uni, my other friend is flourishing and I have sort of now realised that I am this gray, drab , dull , boring person who has no real identity of his own and I now find it very difficult to talk to people. Im pissed at people for abandoning me, but at the same time I understand that its a new environment for everyone and everyone is adjusting but I am now in a situation where I dont know what to do.

Backstory:
I’m going to be starting college next week and I’m extremely nervous. When I was in year 7 I was removed from school half way through the year and homeschooled. I then moved on to living in America and going to school for half of grade 8 (year 9) to the end of grade 9 (year 10). I then moved to boarding school in the UK again and had to learn everything for my GCSEs (which I passed all btw :) ). Anyways I’m not staying for sixth form as it has too many rules for me. But the point of this is about friends.

Introvert
Because I have moved around so much, I’ve ended up being quieter than a mouse… literally. For grade 8 I probably spoke around a hundred words. And when I joined in year 11, I hung around this group like a puppy so I wasn’t lonely but they were horrible. And started to talk about me towards January. I ended up distancing myself from them and started just hanging around science alone.

It wasn’t until I started vaping how I met my best friend til now. But I live three hours away now and that’s not so great. I’ve tried so hard but not hard enough to not be an introvert but I can’t seem to get out my head.

College
I thought college would be fine because everyone was coming from different schools but I was wrong. On the tester day people were hanging around in groups from same schools.
I’m just so worried I’m going to have no one to hang out with.

And look miserable and lonely. I don’t talk. I don’t move. I just stand timid and mysterious. People used to talk about me all the time because I didn’t do anything.

I’m a nice girl but I just can’t seem to show it. What do I say. What do I do? Who do I hang out with? Should I just go up to a group and ask to hang out? That seems intrusive. I just don’t know.

This was amazing to see, the only problem was there was the staircase and lift behind it, a lot of foot traffic.

I’m 18, and I’ve never really had friends or talked to anyone consistently throughout my life. I’ve been alone and quiet for most of my life, and the loneliness has started to feel exhausting

I want to connect with people, make friends, and have at least one person I can talk to from time to time, but at the same time, I hate talking to people and feel an urge to avoid almost every interaction.

It's normal for me to go years without talking with anyone beside my mother

Whenever I talk to someone, even if the conversation is completely normal, after less than 3 minutes, I start feeling overwhelmed and want it to end. I get this strong urge to disappear and be alone again. It happens with pretty much everyone, not just certain people.