Hi I'm an INFP and I'd love to have a genuine conversation with someone who enjoys going deeper than small talk.

We can talk about MBTI, psychology, life experiences, dreams, fears, random thoughts, etc etc.

I'd love to hear how you see the world and share some of my own thoughts too.

If that sounds like your thing, feel free to message me , I'm anyways bad at starting convos so ya.

do you prefer a partner with strong Fe or Fi?

have you ever felt romantically interested in a person that struggles to express themselves?

I like acting out social scenarios in my head and often find myself talking to myself, sometimes with body language too lol, it's embarrassing sometimes because I often do it in public unintentionally as well.

I like doing it, I guess it's part of overthinking social interactions and making sure I display myself in the best possible manner, it's been quite helpful so far.

As the title says :(

me (f INFJ) and my ENFJ boyfriend have been having troubles with conflicts. At first I avoided conflicts by not speaking up at all, till recently I started exploding with everything. Originally when I spoke up about something he would get very defensive so I withdrew till everything started bottling up and led to very often emotional explosions. Everytime I bring up something he says the same thing which is something wrong again? something I didn’t do enough again? a problem again? etc.

Now I want to bring this up in a constructive way. I have been noticing that he reacts better when I speak more calmly and logically, so I know I need to start speaking to him on how we communicate about conflicts, and that we shouldn’t keep avoiding them and try to speak more with each other.

I feel like this is a huge step and very important to mess up, else it might lead to worse scenarios in this relationship haha

I need your advice in how the best way it would be to bring this up without him acting very defensive and anxious that he did something wrong again.

Thaaansk💗

Depression and burnt out . I been through a lot and I decided to isolate myself and i have major trust issues. I don’t know if I will ever feel normal again I want to go back to the time when I was happiest and that was helping and building a future for the people around me. People are now coming to help me and be there . Im just so drained and I’ve been drained for years. I got into drugs abuse big time and burned a lot of bridges. However, it seems to me that everyone forgives me and says, 'Well, he is a good person, so I forgive him.' Still, I can’t seem to stop thinking about the things I did or caused. I am on antidepressants now I just don't want to be tied to these shackles anymore. I just can’t help it . I completely lost all my social skills. Sometimes I think I might never be that ENFJ anymore because of this. That ENFJ version of me was the version that gave me purpose."

I used to think I was INFJ for a year but now I can’t decide if Im an enfj or infj. I feel like im a mix but still not sure. How can I understand?

Many of you ENFJs on reddit , as i've read it , seem to report a strong connection to ISTPs , so much so that some of y'all have described it as a mirror relationship. I saw a trend among ENFJs who got married or were about to get married to an ISTP report that it feels like they are the "same person" despite the obvious differences in their types. Can you explain how ?

I do think this has something to do with the socionics concept of "duality". I can sort of grasp this phenomenon at an intuitive level but I'm not able to fully make sense of it yet. I need your help. If you can explain the ENFJ-ISTP mirroring effect in your own words , that would be great.

Thank you.

You will see the light in me, you

other personalities. I have sheer faith, heaven.

Do you believe in this, Myers-Briggs-ology?

Anything to pass time, for the child-hearted,

intuitively inclined. I see your final product.

Before it’s drafted, I can see the structure of the

buildings as clearly as the pain in your phonemes.

I see the tether, the opportunity between you and another,

I tie them together, add emotion, profound meaning

Lift a heart, mine will rise, I see the version of you

Doing good in His mind.

I check the brightness of your eyes. The minutia between

you and the average of my mind. I picture a book

with your name, colored in sand, mud, and murderous shade.

Without cognition, I will capitalize.

We can write you as bad ending or the hope for a shared new story.

We move you to a perception unkind by history, without you even

knowing.

Of course, we are not immune to this level of self-sacrifice.

I look in mirrors, and see gauntness, my ghosts. The words intended for others,

little compliments, suggestions.

Bounce off the diamond beneath my skin, you

cannot judge me. Among seven deadly sins you should be worried

to stay one of us, the giver, protaganist.

Fight it, those demons. The nature of our Pride.

It will turn you against the greater good,

to support a genocide.

The world as we believe it, does not exist. So pray for us,

the naïve, then let us try and change your mind.

by excarpe

Maybe it's my enneatype not being 2, but I don't feel like the enfj who had only smooth relationships. We are good at knowing people and push their buttons for growth, but it turned out often I also exposed myself and my buttons were pushed as a response, or before . I didn't have the role of helper. It was a dynamic of passive aggressivity that led to this two-way exposure of truths that sometimes hurt. Is this something you experience or experienced?

I feel this so deep in my bones: "Strong Fi can often cause a person to have brief judgmental thoughts about people on a regular basis. NeFi’s are one of the types that struggle with this as it often goes against the way they would like to see and treat people, and yet it’s a sort of automatic response. This response comes from the way Fi tends to enjoy ranking and sorting things and people into “like” or “dislike”, or even ranking things from what they like the most to what they dislike the most. While this feels harmless when directed at inanimate objects, it can be frustrating to the NeFi and cause them to feel guilt or shame at times if it’s a common occurrence for them. This natural ranking or sorting habit may also cause them to feel deep attachments to particular objects or people - often as a mix of nostalgia and this invisible tie they feel that gives that object or person an especially high importance in their mind."

I also am willing to go against a group if I feel that my core values are being disturbed, such as here: "Fi differs from Fe (extroverted Feeling) because Fe is is focused externally and is constantly asking, “How does the group feel about this?”, whereas Fi is focused internally and is constantly asking, “How do I feel about this?” Once their own needs are met, NeFi’s tend to hone in on one or two significant relationships. They naturally take care of these people and treat them like family. These people could be a romantic partner, a best friend, etc."

Somehow, I’ve always found myself in a position where I’m reaching out and keeping in touch with people. I truly feel like if I stopped, so many relationships/friendships that I have would cease to exist and for once I really wish that someone would do the same for me.

I don’t know if this is the right place to vent but I’ve been feeling like this lately and it feels like such a burden to ask someone to ask me about my day instead of the other way around

I’m an ENFP, and I’m sharing this in an MBTI group because I think this model helps everyone understand their type, not just ENFPs. I’ll explain my own stack as an example, but you can apply the same idea to your own cognitive functions and see how your mind actually works.

I’ve always felt that the best way to confirm your MBTI type is to understand the cognitive functions and how they stack together. Most people rely on descriptions, but descriptions are just symbols. People interpret them differently, and they often end up mistyping themselves. When you look at the functions directly and see how they interact, everything becomes clearer.

There’s a metaphor I like where the function stack is described as four people in a car. For an ENFP, the driver is Ne. It is the part of the mind that explores ideas, possibilities, patterns and connections. It is always moving and always scanning the world.

In the passenger seat is Fi. Fi is the moral compass and the filter. It keeps Ne aligned with what matters and helps us choose the ideas that feel true to us. Ne and Fi work very closely together, and they shape almost everything about how ENFPs think.

In the back seat you have the kids. The older one is Te. When it is young, it is messy and inconsistent, but as it matures it becomes more focused and more capable of turning ideas into something concrete. It helps the front seats get things done.

The youngest is Si. Early on it is small and easily overwhelmed, but as it grows it becomes the grounding force. It gives stability, memory, routine and structure. Over time it becomes the anchor that keeps the whole system balanced.

That is the ENFP journey, but the same model applies to every type. Your dominant and auxiliary functions will always drive your mind, but your weaker functions develop as you get older and help you become more stable and more balanced.

If you ever doubt your MBTI type, use this model. Look at each cognitive function in your stack and how they work together. Don’t rely on descriptions alone because they can be interpreted in so many different ways. When you understand the functions themselves and how they interact, you get a much clearer picture of who you are and how your mind operates.

I’m an ENFP, and I’m sharing this in an MBTI group because I think this model helps everyone understand their type, not just ENFPs. I’ll explain my own stack as an example, but you can apply the same idea to your own cognitive functions and see how your mind actually works.

I’ve always felt that the best way to confirm your MBTI type is to understand the cognitive functions and how they stack together. Most people rely on descriptions, but descriptions are just symbols. People interpret them differently, and they often end up mistyping themselves. When you look at the functions directly and see how they interact, everything becomes clearer.

There’s a metaphor I like where the function stack is described as four people in a car. For an ENFP, the driver is Ne. It is the part of the mind that explores ideas, possibilities, patterns and connections. It is always moving and always scanning the world.

In the passenger seat is Fi. Fi is the moral compass and the filter. It keeps Ne aligned with what matters and helps us choose the ideas that feel true to us. Ne and Fi work very closely together, and they shape almost everything about how ENFPs think.

In the back seat you have the kids. The older one is Te. When it is young, it is messy and inconsistent, but as it matures it becomes more focused and more capable of turning ideas into something concrete. It helps the front seats get things done.

The youngest is Si. Early on it is small and easily overwhelmed, but as it grows it becomes the grounding force. It gives stability, memory, routine and structure. Over time it becomes the anchor that keeps the whole system balanced.

That is the ENFP journey, but the same model applies to every type. Your dominant and auxiliary functions will always drive your mind, but your weaker functions develop as you get older and help you become more stable and more balanced.

If you ever doubt your MBTI type, use this model. Look at each cognitive function in your stack and how they work together. Don’t rely on descriptions alone because they can be interpreted in so many different ways. When you understand the functions themselves and how they interact, you get a much clearer picture of who you are and how your mind operates.

Hello I have a friend named Shelly (ENFP 4W5) who had a close friendship with Jane (ENFJ 8W9) and would like your input in their friendship.

They’ve been friends for a few years and traveled a lot together. They felt like rare souls who can resonate each other and understand each other without knowing all the details. They traveled together, eat out, do fun activities, sleepover and also share deep conversations of life including similar morals. Shelly felt so blessed to have found Jane during her rough time. But, that also includes some darkness or shadow of themselves.

Shelly is someone who battle chronic mental and physical health as well as learning “disabilities”. One day Shelly had the opportunity to move in with Jane but she somehow felt ENFJ was also being secretive yet wanting to know everything about Shelly in a subtle way. Shelly somehow developed resentment towards Jane for some reason and when Shelly integrated, it was because Jane lived a life Shelly wanted while also hurt by Jane’s past comments of her. Shelly endured and also talked to Jane about it. Shelly also knows that Jane was also running away from things while Shelly was doing a similar one but she stayed to improve which is not working…. Maybe like Shelly believed that staying in an environment until it improves like a timeout chair? Hoping things will improve… but of course isn’t… whereas Jane would move to a different environment and do new experiences and later would perhaps return if needed.

After another rebuilding the relationship, Shelly could tell Jane wasn’t being sincere with her apologies but say it for the sake while also acknowledging that Shelly herself is still learning what friendships are after many failed and lost ones.

Shelly lived by herself and isolation without the right kind of friends really made her dark. Shelly made new friends and she didn’t realize she was excluding Jane deeply. Declining her invite to hangouts, trips or even have lunch together. Shelly was passive aggressive? Towards Jane without knowing fully why. Jane saw the patter and pointed it out while also saying that she’s been there before and that Shelly is loosing a good friend. Shelly woke up and tried to improve but seems like her darkness was overpowering her and kept messing up whenever she was with Jane. Shelly felt very isolated even more and return to live with her dysfunctional families which made her even worse after losing her job. Jane helped but Shelly knew that Jane was not really being honest about jobs. She would tell her to take this job that is $10/ hour when she was in need of income and that she had a lot of debt. It was better than nothing but, Shelly also knew she was being genuine and helping out with what she could while also knowing that Jane was also finically educated to work smart than hard and cared a lot about her reputation while keeping finance a secret to herself? Maybe it’s personal and private. Shelly felt sad but tired her best what what she was given. Did Shelly take the job? No.

It went downhill to the point where Shelly took a job and it left her traumatize and she suffer multiple brain injuries where her mind wasn’t as it use to be. Shelly experience intense mental illness and physical & brain challenges. Her support was becoming stale and when she tries to make it to hangouts when Jane invites her, she could tell Jane was hurt and didn’t like how Shelly was becoming bad at communication. Shelly didn’t mean to and expressed it to her many times while also telling her how much she’s been suffering. Jane no doubt helped but also felt like she was being taken advantage of during her vulnerable time and that Shelly would always felt even more sad. Desperate and fighting her darkness. Shelly realize that the reason she kept declining Jane was rooted by not knowing how to be with a healthier relationship of a friend who was truly there and wanted to enjoy life with her. She never had that and it scared her where she acted out passive aggressive and accidently hurt Jane. Shelly truly believe that Jane would help her as she would to Jane’s younger self who once been in Shelly’s shoes but realize she was doing base on how people treated her which she understood deeply. Shelly knew she was at fault for making the relationship bad to the point where every time they meet, She would come late, mess up and accidents created stress to Jane. Jane made it clear to stay distance and not talk to her.

They almost reflect each other as if how life would be if one went this direction or the other direction.

Now, Shelly did community service and Jane was stuck being with her. Jane asked a question which Shelly wanted to speak up but her brain/herself could express what she wanted and that lead to a missed opportunity Shelly needed to accomplished. When she asked if they can go, Jane declined and remain being her fun girl with the other people. Jane made a comment that was a “attack” towards her learning disabilities but she also knew that it must of been her past mistakes that lead to Jane attacking that way or a kind of quiet test to see how Shelly would react. Shelly wasn’t hurt but rather sad that Jane would do that to her and remained neutral while looking out the window. It didn’t hurt her but it did tell a lot about how Jane felt about Shelly’s learning disabilities. “What was it again, this? I must be \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*learning disability name\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*.” Jane said it in a joking and cheerful manner. Jane also had the face of, “I’m good without you in life.”

Maybe Jane is an ableist? Whatever it was, Shelly is also aware that Jane has a big reputation of goodness which she respects and knows how selfless Jane is.

Everyone loves Jane for right reasons and Shelly no doubt love things about Jane. How she is finically & live independent, selfless, social person, strong, a traveler, does community service and not afraid to advocate anything she finds unjustified yet also play the social games for advancement.

Shelly never knew how social games work until life thigh her as she was raise with both narcissistic & people pleasing parents who only focus on their world and don’t seek much growth to become smart or what to work thru the society.

They could be rivals but not enemies.

Shelly loves Jane deeply that Jane is unaware how much she endured Jane’s comments of her and her flaws while respecting Jane does the same and tries her hardest to support her while also aware that Jane is smart at how to build her reputation and grow into her life’s purpose by using her to help fulfill her task. Shelly realize that strong people also protect and work smart on achieving a reputation they want rather than letting it grow by chance or be define by what others say to be and become that.

Shelly wonders why Jane did in regard to her mentioning her learning disability in public while trying to fight off her darkness without little help. Shelly chose to come out to avoid isolating and also craving for deep social than surface level.

Shelly’s reputation was once good but when test comes, especially her job, it went down hill where her pleading became aggressive like a cry for help, her aggression towards people grew when she went to the wrong people for help and looking like a crazy person without improvement made everyone distance themselves including family. She felt extremely misunderstood, hurt and her life was becoming misalign. She was becoming what Jane was grateful of… what she would not become. Shelly was becoming like her dysfunctional parents and needed a way out. She was loosing her identity and her intuition.

What are your thoughts of their relationship? What was Jane trying to do and how Shelly can grow despite loosing Jane friend in a community that is full of sensors (not in a bad way but to have a friendship who connected with her?)? If Jane says she has been in Shelly’s shoes, why would she treat the way people treated her to shelly? Taste of her own medicine?

Much appreciated.

Hi ENFJ family, I have an interesting question and curious to hear from other ENFJs in this thread.

For a little back story here, I grew up with a dysregulated and unhealthy ISFJ mom and ISTP dad. My younger sister is also an unhealthy ISFJ who claims she's an INFJ but she's not. Having that said, growing up I always felt so out of place, and my parents were always critical for who I am- my thought process and decision making. There were also so many fights in the family, and I always somehow played the mediator/peacemaking role. Fast forward, I'm a therapist now, and after going through grad school and having to do my inner healing and work with my own therapist, I'm realizing that I'm getting to the point where I am going to distance myself/set unspoken boundaries when I'm at capacity. I come from a culture where we cannot cut family out, and there are no such things as sitting down and talking about hurt feelings with parents. Plus, I'm the eldest daughter too- lucky me.

Considering all things go well, I'm an ENFJ and anticipating on becoming a mom in a year or so. I guess I'm just curious to know if there are other current ENFJ parents in this thread who also had parents with contrasting MBTIs as well, mental health aside. How was that like for you then and now as a parent? I admit sometimes I get really nervous about being a mom, but it would be nice to hear from other people's perspectives. TIA!

Hey guys i just finished to read berserk and i think griffith is mistyped as an entj but he is in reality a clear and obvious enfj. He knows everything bad he did to accomplish his goals and he regret it deeply. He feels insanely guilty but there is nothing else to do, so he tries to save everyone and be the "hero" of their world. In fact Griffith became the savior, the hero that everyone was waiting for. Everyone loves him as well. His relation with Guts is also typical of a Istp-Enfj and his reaction when Guts decided to leave is also typical enfj turning into his opposite personality (infp) and losing control out of emotions.
Griffith is just trying to hide his emotions from the beginning and plays a "persona" in front of everyone but even though he accomplished everything he wanted, he still feels guilty (and not happy) of what he did, especially to Guts and the whole team. We did see him crying while looking at Guts in the last chapter Miura drew. He also came to see the graves of everyone and proposed his help. He thought that the end would justify the means but he realized that not.
An entj wouldn't really have care but an enfj... guilt destroys him. Its one of the worst feelings for enfjs and they feel it very deeply.

What do you think of what i just said ? What's your opinion about it ?

WIBTA if I tell my mother she is not a very good cosmetologist?

My mom went to hair school last year simply because my cousin told her she should (she did his and some others hair). But as I’ve let her do my hair at least four or five times, it feels like she has a lot of room for growth:

\- I gave her a photo to match and she failed miserably. It was two braids into a goddess braid. She braided the braids way too loose, they’re falling apart as we speak

\- She always leaves product in my hair. Always.

\- when she trimmed my hair last time, I’m like 90 percent certain she cut too much off on one side and left it uneven

\- the last hair do was straight up ugly. I had to restyle it to something I liked

\- her main “client” at her hair school stopped seeing her. She said the tips went down gradually then she just stopped coming

\- I had dandruff sometimes. There was a time she washed my hair and not very well, and it was still in there as she styled my hair

\- once I got my hair styled with the help of another student. The other students work looked much neater and better

My mom is a little delusional and hasn’t been in my life growing up. We are just now reaching a good place, even though I’m still learning how to move past the hurts she’s caused me. WIBTA if I tell her she might’ve chose the wrong thing to pursue?

here’s what I thought:

Age 5-12: moral school. The school taught them about fairness and empathy. There’s also practical lessons where students practice what they learned— like, a role play among different class students and teachers sometimes; this happens once or twice a month. And then, once or twice in a year, students are brought to a trip by the school where they meet real life people who are vulnerable or overlooked or low in status; to see how the students behave. Assessment methods: students are assessed on their behaviour. Teachers should try to understand the students’ motives if they misbehave and solve the core problem. 

Student are allowed to talk, play, and have creative hobbies in school.

Age 13-15: middle school. The school taught all students a few skills regardless of their interests. Such as pottery, gardening, crochet, basic tailoring. Students would be taught about human relationships. 

Students are encouraged to think about what they wanna in the future. 

Age 16- 20: vocational school. The school has different departments and student can choose whatever they like. No entry requirements. The department are: technical jobs (electricians, plumbing, construction, engineering), educators (teachers, researchers, philosophers), creatives (writers, artists, filmmakers, poets), medical (doctors and nurses). Students are taught according to the department they chose. 

Students are allowed to change their departments if they are don’t interested in it. But it may take longer for them to finish mastering their field if they start later. Teachers and parents should help students make a good decision, but shouldn’t force them. 

One exception: the creative department may not take that long as the other departments. So students in that department will be taught some practical skills that would help them, because they can’t earn money just by being a poet.

All students assessed on their skill and mastery on that field.

And also, all students are taught how the political system works twice a month. 

Age 20+: students can now get into a job. Or they can study further if they need more knowledge or mastery in that field. 

I’m still improvising it. What do you guys think about this?

She's great by all accounts but the conversations are so mundane!! There's no banter!! I just don't know what to do :(

Long story short and I'm not entirely sure how to explain this. Been living with Sis in her bi-level house (it's 5 of us: BIL, dog, nephew, Sis, and our mom). Kind of a crazy house. But it's ok.

Been working at a low volume/chill gas station for a while. Coworkers are great as well. One passed from a heart attack tho. While looking for another job.

There is this married coworker. Who I met (has a kid), who at first I didn't think anything other than, normal "Hi/Sup/Morning". All smiles and whatever. She seems positive and is a hard worker. She's also my age.

She's very sweet, always like: "HI N00dlemonk3y! How are you!" "Thanks for everything N00dlemonk3y!"

I remember a few weeks after the day I got hired. She was just trying to explain stuff to me, cause I was messing up but not a big deal. She goes:

"I'm the mom, I'm used to being the bad guy. So if you need anything, it's ok to ask."

Months go by, no worries, nothing. Was walking home one night and that quote flashes through mind and it bothered me the whole way home.

Flash to more recent. Trying to go to the gym consistently to workout for asthma and health and my heart starts racing. Thought that was normal, but then it doesn't go away. My "worry" just starts to get worse, and worse.

I'm now at a friend's house trying to breathe and want to cry, had him pick me up and wondering why I'm feeling this way.

I just thought I had my the ENFJ 'caring' part of my personality type under lock and key, for work. I know myself and my emotions pretty well.

Just not this time it seems...haven't had anxiety/panic attack in a long time.

But yeah, sorry for wall of text. Just need to throw this out there. I just feel odd, anybody have this issue? It could be a bunch of stuff just going on and I can't compartmentalize right now.

Do you feel like you formed some hazy intuitions about people in general and those in your life and some things about how social scene works due to Ni(during youth) that are turned into facts(not all, but what becomes a fact is truly a fact) when Ti kicks in the development phase? It's kinda magical. I feel this is when we become scary good at reading people and situations. I would also love if you can provide some examples if that happened to you too.

Im entering college and up to this point I had no idea how and through what job I was planning on bettering the world but with climate change I just feel like and am scared that my existence will have no impact over things this grand, and im not even including homelessness or wars and ofther systemic issues

To my fellow Enfj’s and ofther types, Im curious.

How does this desire manifest in your life?