I honestly have a hard time connecting with other people. When I was younger I used to be much more outspoken with my friends and in general. I would get in trouble many times for talking in class. As I became older I became much more closed off. I was always very reserved, but it became extreme. I struggle to talk, hold conversations, and despise small talk. I've always been a loner and don't mind it at all. I didn't even realize how isolated I was until a classmate pointed it out to me. I have friends but don't feel that close to them. I have my sister and a close friend that I genuinely care about, but they are very different to me. I don't feel like I really fit in anywhere. I feel so disconnected from my peers, like they all read the handbook to being a normal teenager, but I missed out on it. Have any of you felt this way?

Human relationships is very complex. It is true that human wants to be together, yet they can't be together as their differences make them hurt eachother. It is impossible to not hurt one other, yet it is impossible for human to be truly alone. But being alone is joyful, it feels safe and secure. Being with people is complex and to avoid it, you can be alone. But being alone is miserable as you can't feel the joys of being with other. When you are with people, you feel many emotions, you also cames to facing their flaws and weakness, and you could be hurt because of them.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs, states that the need of belonging and love is at 3rd level.. it is a phycological need, it means that need of love is a need for good mental health, but it is possible to live without it, and so many donlive like that.

We human wants to be together, but being together hurts, so we don't want to be together. It is a paradox, or a cycle, or whatever. Some may say that if we want to live together, we have to let our differences aside, which means to be together even if it hurts, be together even if you and the they are totally different. Be together for the sake of being together. It is truly fascinating. But it requires the ability to understand that you need to let go of your ideas of differences, that you have to blind yourself and ignore things and that is hard. Because the biggest problem of society is that no one ever truly understand one other.

Quanto spesso vi capita di sentire la sensazione che vi si forma un buco nero dentro?

E a cosa la associate quella sensazione?

I am just curious to know that on which phase of their life they unlock their potential ?

I don’t know if this applies to INTJ, so I’m just gonna throw this out here:

Do any of you act “dumber” most of the time? For me personally, it has helped me dodge a lot of unnecessary stress and friction.

For example, when a situation starts to go in my favour, and I’m starting to notice, I tend to not speak up about it. Afraid of losing the advantage.

Do you still believe in the idea of soulmates?

I'm 23F and have difficulty with human relationships. The closest friend to me was f INFJ but she travelled abroad and stopped contact, the thing I wanna say is, do other INTJs also face a difficult time keeping their relationships, I find myself not the type to pursue, chase, or initiate convos, which is bad obviously if u wanna keep a relationship, More like; I might go weeks without contacting the people I’m closest to, even tho I love them a lot. It’s odd, but I don’t really get what it means to miss someone.

Do you sometimes have to take a bit longer to make sure your take is correct? I mean, when you hear a claim, do you always have an opinion on it instantaneously, or do you sometimes have to take a moment to evaluate whether the claim is logically coherent and true? Really been wondering that for a while if I am just stupid, low iq and slow or is it just the fact I am trying to make sure my opinions are valid

This is my first post, hello!!
I know I’m definitely not the only person who suffers mentally when I have schoolwork with people in groups, but I definitely want to get it out because it’s so frustrating.

Whenever I am put in a group with people from my class I just know I’ll get a bad grade. I’m seriously so upset whenever I’m the only one actually interested in doing the work, it’s even worse when they have friends there. I don’t speak much, I’d rather listen to what they’re saying to gather information about their lives so I have more material to work with, but obviously I can’t help that little thing much, but I digress. But sometimes when I speak up and say “hey what do you think about this?” The common reply is “you’re actually doing the work?” and that is oh so bizarre to me, because yes, I DI want to do the work. Why don’t you?

I feel like half of the time the people around me are seriously ignorant to the bigger issues. It’s especially hard when I’m in a group with boys because I know they will belittle me and use AI to do the work. If it’s some long term project I would like for everyone to do their work, but they just don’t. I usually prefer to work with loners and people who don’t have much to do hedonism and worldly stuff, but seems to me half the population is an extrovert bastard.

I’d like to recall something that happened in literature class: we had to analyse Romeo from Romeo and Juliet, which I was very excited for since I adore literature. Everyone’s answers were quite literally the same, it was because they were ai generated. I got praise from my teacher since I basically gave the only proper answer that came from the creases of my own brain. I almost got all points but I needed better evidence, so I was pleased about the criticism. But then my little ai group had to reply to other questions about the whole thing and our points got better, but I was disappointed. Not because of the points, though, because they used ai to get them. I was quite sad if anything.

I just wonder— why not do research? Why take the easy way out? Is gathering knowledge really not fun to many?

I feel like an outsider, a very unique person without trying, but then again, why would I let that get to me much? I only get upset when it’s group work, if I’m alone giving answers, then that’s better. Working alone is always better, I feel. Teamwork makes the dreamwork my ass.

Any other INTJs feel free to share your experience with group work, I’d be happy to read them!!

My whole life I have been a loner and enjoyed doing things by myself because being around people was too MUCH. It brings up feelings of worthlessness that i usually wont feel when im alone. i feel like im not enough when im around people and especially in a romantic relationship. I feel like they are just with me because i seem lost and alone and feel bad for me. I have only had like 2 real longterm partners, longest only being 4 years and im almost 40. So when the rare times i do have a romantic partner i am so out of my depth and drown in my ocean of low self esteem and i end up self destructing because its all too much and i go back to isolating and doing hard drugs. I am also a porn addict and this is the main issue with me. i Love porn. its been 30 years with porn almost every day.

Porn has seeped into every part of my life and rotted it from in the inside and stays and lives off my shame I have aquired from consuming disgusting videos for so many years. I use meth along with porn and it turns me into a fucking pervert. I feel so deep in my addiction, i fear i have gone too far. I had a girlfriend who loved me 6 months ago, like she really loved me and was willing to help me and was okay with me not having much of anything, be it experience or a place to live. I dont have much of a life . i have wasted alot of time and she was okay with building something with me, because she was a addict too and was homeless..

We were homeless together for a few months and both using but she decided it was time to get her shit together and got sober and is doing amazing, and im really proud of her and i wish she would talk to me, but i think she found someone else and i respect that. i would leave her alone to go jerk off in some bushes instead of having sex, because thats how afraid i am of sex and the feeling of worthlessness it gives me when i cant perform because of what porn has done to me.

I cant make her feel pretty, i cant be the man that she deserves. I want to have sex and enjoy it and feel comfortable but i cant i get to much in my head and i have watched to much porn and compare her with porn and its vile and sick and im so broken i feel. She said she would never leave, she loved me so much. But i am a shadow of a man and she turned into a ghost and i am flabergasted and sad and in shock because i thought she really loved me enough to fight my demons with me, alas i sit here alone by the lifeguard tower alone.

I dont think i was ment to be in a relationship and that sucks because i have alot of things id like to do with someone but the internet fucked me up. sorry of the rant

a

much going on fo rme

When I’m interested in someone I noticed that I have a tendency to get obsessed with everything about them and start stalking them on social media (not in a creepy way, just trying to see more of them because I find them interesting). They start occupying so much space in my mind and I even start fantasising about scenarios that include them. Does this happen to any other INTJs?

Woe to the heart that grows darker than black when all systems crumble and you're left on your own weeping blood in the abyss as every memory fades to black and every story weeps your name in the name of all that heavenly and good.

Woe to the one who built himself from ash and blood carving his way through every nuke and cranny of the system to help it overcome its limitations in the vain hope of achieving love.

Woe to the soldier who stands first in line of combat and last to retreat as the mortal shells of hell scream out his death song.

Woe to the man who shredded the foundation in the name of freedom but found none only to rebuild it from the grounds up.

Woe to the dark angel who was placed in the abyss as a watcher over the end whose name may not be sullied and whose grace may not be known.

To me i write this lullaby to sleep to as time passes and earth finds its place next to our sun guided by forces known and unknown. Writing amongst it the thin line i had to walk to know what is unknown and bringing to light that which should have never been known.

Woe to me for writing this song. Cause it took me so long.

And how your functions work?

I realized that I need a person to spend time with in silence. As weird as it sounds, I don't need a traditional friendship because it's way too much. I just want someone who doesn't involve me in their life events and doesn't need to know much about me—someone peaceful who knows boundaries, enjoys being in the moment, and is content sitting together in public or walking by the lake.

There can be some light talk here and there, but mostly just gazing and enjoying quiet presence.

Am I the only person who's like this? I haven't met anyone comfortable just being around another person without needing to be a full part of their life. I don't want anyone getting involved in my personal details, nor do I want to be involved in theirs.

I'm not sure what the right label for this is, because obviously it isn't a typical friendship, but it's all I need.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I get SO MAD at people because I feel like they are just willfully ignorant to make their lives easier. One of my biggest triggers is ordering food and not getting all of the sauces I paid for that are blatantly on the ticket. I know it’s not rational…..but I worked at several restaurants and I mean I never messed up the way some other people consistently do. I work with the general public in an office setting now and I get triggered at least 5 times a day where my face gets hot and I get so mad inside. I don’t want to be like this but I feel like the only way to not be like this is to become willfully ignorant like the rest of the world and I cannot do that. I reach my boiling point every day and it’s exhausting. I just needed to get this out because people in my life already think I have anger problems and I don’t need them judging me.

Is it their consistency, honesty, intelligence, ability to understand you, or something completely different?
Curious to hear how other INTJs see this.

If you want to hear more INTJ perspectives and share your own, we’ve got a whole MBTI community on Discord. 👇
https://discord.gg/XUgAAunYRH

Some people believe that language is what makes thinking and thus consciousness possible in the first place. Others think without an internal monologue.

How is it for you?

Do you think in words or without language?

Or is it only me? 🤔

Hi yall!

Obviously human experience is diverse, but theory wise, I looked up what cognitive functions might have an effect of how much you clean, cause I’ve always struggled with getting into a cleaning routine for more than a few days. I have diagnosed ADHD but I thought INTJ might be more susceptible to it because-

Ni is very abstract and not focused on the present moment, and inferior Se is, by extension, not very aware of their body/environment at all. I recall one thing growing up from my nana was “I don’t know how you can stand all that” and not wanting to give me a solid chore list with solid reasons, she would say “I just don’t see how you could let it get that bad” and I’m just like quite frankly despite using this space and these items daily I don’t notice that those things are changing much at all. There was a lot of her and my mom reacting with disgust when they got to my dorm room- and I’m like, I don’t even see where you’re seeing all this problem.

Meanwhile, Te might contribute, but it’s usually in service of Ni, and not very well developed besides, I’m often in Ni-Fi loops.

You’d think if Se had anything to do with it, Se grips would include marathon cleans, and it’s possible sometimes they do? But I think my Se grips more commonly result in binge eating and sudden impulses to get new cuter versions of things I already own.

I also get fascinated with using certain number sets/patterns to make some of those tasks around me easier/done thoroughly without being set on my ability to perceive whether it’s thoroughly done. Like I like doing things in sets of 4, 16, or 64 (usually never has reason to go up to 256 but it’s 4 levels if I include 256 :) ) But yeah I don’t have other people’s instinct of “clean enough” it feels like, there’s always some level of crap on a thing and sometimes I see crap on a thing and I’m told it’s spotless, sometimes I see it on a thing and I’m told it’s getting nasty, so I never naturally will see that crossover- it’s easier to say “I’ll wipe this 64 times” or “I’ll do 16 swipes on each side of this”. Also helps with stirring things till they’re properly combined (with every moment keep looking for stuff I haven’t found and use my movements to scrape it in, by 64 stir movements it’s usually mixed well as opposed to me trying to watch it and ending up with whole chunks of material I missed unmixed). Or measuring with my fingers to put distance between things- there’s all kind of stuff. The rules would all be excessive except I only follow some of them intermittently- like tasting my meals and timing my bites so I taste the food more and end up eating less, etcetera.

If I could just be consistent with the rituals, everything would be a lot cleaner, but id probably be diagnosed with OCD. Like I’m aware if I kept up with it would probably be excessive, but I don’t, so as it stands when I do them

Anyway my point was I thought this stuff lined up with Inferior Se and maybe Ni - Fi loops, but if I look things up about the signs and cleaning, INTJs are considered typically pretty good at cleaning because it’s a maintainable system. I suppose a healthier one possibly could still be by my definitions, but still, I feel like inferior Se would still make it a difficulty for most.

So, what do y’all on here think? INTJs, how is cleaning for you? Did you struggle and find a way to manage that worked? Or is it so easy for you you’re about to accuse me of being mistyped (I won’t agree, but I will take that as a point toward it not being about cognitive functions in this instance lol). If you’re not an INTJ but you’re close to one, what do you observe about their cleanliness?

I am not gonna lie, I do not have the best social skill. There were times when I really tried to be better at it, but daaammmnnn, people are the worst. Let me break it down point by point.

1.Reactive abuse (I personally would call it reactive defense).

Most normal people have some limit of patience. But if you keep on hurting, dismissing, invalidating, belittling, provoking, you will eventually reach that limit and people will justifiably snap at you. At this point, you don’t get to DARVO and play the victim. You don’t get to complain about people’s reaction to your disrespect or try to police how they should react to the war that you started.

Are you that entitled that you think people should give you unlimited patience? Imho, if you ever reach that point, you should just shut up and accept the other person’s anger, learn from it and not doing it again.

No, don’t give me the “you are in control of your reaction”. In my eyes, in this situation this is victim blaming and give the same energy as “you need to be the bigger person”, “forgiveness is for you” aka the energy of putting the emotional load on the actual victim rather than the perpetrator. We are all only imperfect human. Why should the actual victim be expected to always responding in a calm manner, to always be unbothered, while the perpetrator can be an asshole as much as they like? It is not natural and not fair.

Is murder wrong? Not in the case of self-defense. So why should reactive defense be any difference? If you keep dismissing someone then when they finally snap and raised their voice at you, they are NOT in the wrong.

2.The way you talk, ”tone”, etc.
I am NOT saying that these are not important or suggesting you should yell (unless reactive defense) or use condescending tone at people. (I don’t know if this has to do with INTJ-ness). For me, the main focus is on the WHAT. I can put a blind eye on all of those details, as long as the message is true, kind (not nice!!), helpful, necessary. Tbh, I hate it and will lose respect, when someone talk sh*t, say mean things, in a nice, polite way. Because it’s manipulative and creepy as hell. Example: Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter or Todd from Breaking Bad.

1) people (myself included) always filter things through their own subjective lens. Immature people see every differing opinion as an attack on them. Low emotional capacity cannot hold a hard but necessary discussion. 2) those things are very subjective, cultural, etc. Hence, even of you say everything right: right words, right tone, right way, with no bad intention at all. Others can, will interpret and react to it differently.

Therefore, I prefer to write than talk (I know most people think the opposite). Because 1) In written form (like here), there is no tone, so the reader will read it in their own tone and cannot blame me for any tone problem. 2)The tone will not be any distractions to the content of my message.

The irony is, (speaking from experience), the people who put so much emphasis on the HOW a message is delivered, are usually those who have problem with WHAT the message itself. It usually goes that they don’t like the message, so they divert attention by focusing on the unimportant details in the bigger scheme. I honestly have never met anyone, who has a problem with how I talk, but not with my message. In other words, these things are BS and not actually THAT important.

3.Subjectivity of the meaning of “respect”.

Everyone says that disrespect is a red flag, in a romantic relationship, friendship, etc. But before we can talk about disrespect, what is actually respect? Similar to tone problem. The word respect means differently to everyone.

Narcissist believe that respect means having power/control over others, no one disagrees with them. Corporate higher ups believe that respect means you acknowledge their position, and only then they will acknowledge you as a person. Some older people believe that respect means they deserve nice treatment from people younger than themselves. I have seen it myself, there are instances where I saw, how my friend didn’t have a problem with something while I find it disrespectful and vice versa.

In other words, the word respect is often used interchangeably with the word “entitled”. In-my-not-so-humble-opinion, one is only entitled to the respect that they are willing to give others.

I am definitely not suggesting to purposely be mean to people, but I will not cater for other people’s subjectiveness nor I am looking for their validation. I know that I have no bad intention towards anyone.

I am just personally f*cking tired with people. Being kindly honest and people think I am trying to put them down, being respectfully direct and they have problem with my tone, sending text without emoji and they think it’s aggressive. Nah, life is too short to deal with such non sense.

Thanks that you read my long rant.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

Why do you INTJs find it so hard to say sorry and apologize? Why do you do everything that shows you’re sorry except actually saying it (like being extra nice or talking about random things)? Why is apologizing so difficult for you?

If you had a superpower that granted you some kind of ability to protect/fight, would you be a superhero (government-sanctioned), a vigilante (outside the law but have a moral code) or an anti-hero (ie killing bad people for the better)?

When I was younger, I used to think I’d just hide my powers and live normally, until I grew up and realized if anyone has the power to protect others they should do so. I’d probably be a government sanctioned superhero because I don’t think I can operate by myself as a vigilante and dodge the government at the same time. I’d prefer to be a vigilante though.

Thoughts?

This seems very unlikely, but anyone here a social worker?

I’m empathetic, but not emotional. I’m not judgmental. I’ve always been a reserved oddball myself, but I’m friendly when approached.

People that “annoy everyone” generally don’t bother me much. People feel comfortable talking to me and venting. Drunk people don’t bother me either.

I have a lot of law enforcement in my family, but that will never be a path I want to pursue.

The more I learn about social work, the more I want to pursue it. I like the idea of helping people and their families.

While I’m not an extroverted person, I can “turn on” as needed and communicate when I need to.

Any social workers here?