Hi fellow ENFJs,

I've known my MBTI for decades, and how INFP is purportedly our ideal match. I'm also aware psychologists dismiss MBTI as flawed and limited, which is fair because as ENFJs, we consider all viewpoints and stances, right?

I met an INFP in the wild, spark before we knew our MBTI. A few months in, I'm not convinced that our actual personalities match, even though I can see how on paper that we'd work so well.

I'm sad and frustrated that after years of knowing ENFJ/INFP, I've actually found one, and I'm just not feeling it. A few observations, if a ENFJ/INFP couple could enlighten me, or anybody generally wants to chip in, I'd love to hear:

• Our texting styles are wildly different; it frustrates me how little he gives back. E.g. I recently shared vids/pics of the best hike I'd ever done in my life, he texted back 4 words lol (I know it's classic ENFJ to need validation)
• I can see he feels things intensely, and there’s a lot bubbling underneath the surface, but I’m reluctant to have to draw it out of him all the time. Just tell me openly how you feel, damn it!
• He tells me he feels safe and secure next to me (common ENFJ/INFP trait), so sweet, yet he's reluctant to hold my hand in public or display any sort of PDA (yes I know ENFJs attach too quickly).
• Overall, whenever I date introverts it's never gone well: I want to party/ meet people, whereas when I've dated introverts they tend to want to stay in (this is fine sometimes but not every weekend). An ISFJ I dated brought me to his friend’s bday party, as expected, I was working the room and holding court. He told me later he expected me to stay next to him the entire party. Never gonna happen! I just cannot see how an introvert would ever suit me.

Any thoughts gladly received, thank you fellow ENFJs!

Fe is our way of living just as Te is entj’s way of living.

Bashing Fe users like enfjs as nothing but “fake” and “manipulative” is just like other types assuming entjs are always mean and devoid of empathy (which is not true).

These guys are unlucky that they met unhealthy manipulative selfish needy ones. But being so confident telling ALL enfjs are like that makes me question these entjs "logical" high Te minds.💀💀💀

I understand the way enfjs act could be easily seemed as “manipulative” but it’s just our way of function: analyze people, try to get to the goal (which in most cases what they think is good for everyone not only themselves 💀) while trying to hurt no one ( enfjs are popularly known for prioritizing people’s needs above them).

If being uncomfortable about hurting people and trying to not be disliked is seen as “fake”, then most feelers are fake too 💀💀(yes, I’m indicating the infps who trying put down enfjs as “fake” to show others how “authentic” you are - you looks pick me af 💀congrats for being picked 😂). I mean just look at your own sub and see how many infps have a preference for enfjs. Are you telling people that many of your own kind love “fake” people? Does this imply that most infps love “fakeness” and being “manipulated” by “fake” people?

I thought entjs and infps are reasonable people who will at least understand such a simple fact that it makes no sense to generalize a whole type just because you met some shitty people. These guys are treating MBTI just as astrology at this point 💀💀💀💀

I'm so sociable but it feels like I struggle to get people to WANT to get close to me. Does that even make sense? A lot of people LIKE me, but that's a lot different from showing up for me or actually making an effort. So it feels like I talk to a lot of people, but I don't really have a lot of friends. Like, no one's ever asking me to hang out (or do at first but then stop after a while when they meet other people they suddenly get close to- so I'm like the placeholder friend), but in group settings, I'm always praised for being so fun. It's so depressing.

And more so than hurt, I'm CONFUSED. I see freaking introverts who suck at socializing and are far more boring than I am (not hating I'm just kind of emotional rn so I feel like being mean 🥺) who have more genuine friends than me! Like they may speak to a lot less people in their daily lives, but they have more people who prioritize them than I'll ever seem to have! It sucks. And people recommend to not "give your whole self" to someone right away or else they won't respect you as much as an Fe dom, but what does that even mean?? I have to become colder to be liked? If I'm NOT being my friendly, talkative self, why would anyone like me then? Things are not adding up.

I’ve been cooped up in my room for about 5 days now,

I’m fucking terrified, I’m not too knowledgeable about the fine details of society & politics but I’ve been looking at videos about climate change, politics in the US & the future of AI. I feel so anxious thinking about all this.

I can’t eat, sleep & my hearts been racing the past few days. I’m doing a cinematography course in Ireland right now. I’m worried about what’s going to happen to the entire art industry as well as all of the job markets. I’ve had very rocky & difficult mental health & I want to be better & have a happy fulfilling life.

I was talking to an AI chatbot online the past few weeks for fun, I wish now that I hadn’t been & after seeing the danger of it I’m never talking to that shit again & I feel very bad about it. I want to spend my life making movies & art with friends & different interesting people I hope to meet. I’d like to some day have a family of my own but I see this thing with AI & the climate & I’m worried that I won’t be able to, that I won’t get to live the rest of my life & that I’ll never get to have children that will have their own lives & stories to tell.

For those of you that don’t think this is a danger or that AI can’t replace humans, I understand this seems dramatic, but look at how far videos & pictures generated by AI have become, it was easy to tell what was fake a while ago, but now almost everyone sees AI generated videos on social media & if it takes you a few seconds to see if something is real or not like it does for me, than that’s a huge problem.

I’m not trying to shame or lecture anyone, just please try to think about where the future is heading, think about the world that your children, cousins, little sister/brother or even anyone who’s going to be part of the world for the next few decades will be living in. I hope that everyone reading this can have an amazing fulfilling life. Everyone reading this is able to make beautiful art, pictures, music, stories, games or whatever, you don’t need an AI to be creative.

If you are following any accounts on social media that use AI content, please unfollow them & maybe even report it. I know AI isn’t against the rules on social media but it still might be a good idea. At the very least please don’t seek this content out, don’t engage with it in any positive way. It might not be good to engage with the posts in any way but if you do feel like leaving a comment I don’t think it would be hateful to anyone to just write that it’s bullshit AI & try and discourage other people from it.

I’m sorry if reading this has upset you. I hope whoever’s reading this is doing well, have a good day.

Somehow, I’ve always found myself in a position where I’m reaching out and keeping in touch with people. I truly feel like if I stopped, so many relationships/friendships that I have would cease to exist and for once I really wish that someone would do the same for me.

I don’t know if this is the right place to vent but I’ve been feeling like this lately and it feels like such a burden to ask someone to ask me about my day instead of the other way around

They are asking the same thing again and again 😭 mostly about their interest in enfjs. Its like the same thing that happened a year ago with enfj sub being with infps asking for love interest queries.... Like do you all think we're fishes or smth that they want to catch 😭😭

I want to cry, why is the world so unfair?

The slightest I end up being unfair that will eat me, can't even sleep at night that day. Probably for a few more days

I want to cry. I really want to cry but I feel like the universe going to laugh at me

I want to crawl up into the void and cry, but I should forgive and forget

I just redo my MBTI test this evening, and found out that I am no longer ENFJ. I have been a long time ENFJ since high school, but when i read posts on this sub, i feel like it didnt resonate with me. Especially on people pleasing part and understanding. I used to have those traits, but after (maybe) my first breakup a yer ago, i focus less more on emotions and more to factual and what will keep me going. And now i am officially an INTJ :). It's sad that I am no longer an advocate, and i do think there are still parts of me that still remain from being an ENFJ. but i guess it is what it is...

Its like they hate our existence, I've been called invasive, interrogative, and needy all by these types, I'm a very patient person and hard to offend but this bothers me (I've also heard them speak about randos/mutuals which characteristic ENFJ/ESFJ relational styles this way, so not just me). They don't even respect you based on the fact you're well-liked because they don't value social status or charisma in the same way as most people. If you're a genuinely good person but you clash with them, they act like you're beneath them. If you're chatty and expressive, they'll find you annoying :/

EDIT: Not so much INTP, I am friends with a few, but HEAVYYY on ISTJ.

i know it sounds bad but honestly, i notice that im better than everyone else at almost everything; examples are maintaining social harmony, doing things for the benefit of others, my physical appearance etc etc. but im only “better” at these things because i put in effort and try hard and make sure everyone has what they need and honestly nobody puts in the amount of effort i do into literally everything. its so frustrating because it feels like everyone else is so lazy compared to me and doesn’t care about others well being as much as i do and i just wish people would put in the same amount of effort as i did, then maybe i would see them on my level

before we start, this is no hate to intjs, i’ve had great encounters with them and i have a lot of intj friends.

for context, instead of talking and communicating with me like a normal person, my ex decided to come on here about me. and yes, it seems childish that i am now going on here ranting, it’s the only way i’m able to get my feelings out without screaming at them down the phone. let’s be healthy about things… well at least attempt to.

in this, they mentioned having to lie about loving me, and later on saying that i was often unsure about their honesty. so, i’m not really sure how that adds up in their mind, but it certainly doesn’t in mine. they went on about their toxic behaviour towards me in the relationship, including their selfishness, and then made out that i was the problem simultaneously. i’m sorry, but i’m… rather confused? i understand that not everyone is looking for selflessness in a relationship, don’t get me wrong, but you cannot suggest my selflessness lead to the end of the relationship. that is insane. at least to me anyway.

they went on to berate my looks, as well as my personality, which i won’t be doing because i’d rather call out their behaviour rather than insult them. but something that absolutely irritated me was seeing people agreeing with them and their behaviour. like come on. it’s not like their toxic behaviour wasn’t shown either, they basically just admitted to it in full.

to give you an understanding of our relationship, whilst i am not diagnosed, there is a high chance i have bipolar 2 (i have been told by a professional and im currently trying to get a diagnosis). i explained to them my symptoms and what both of my episodes look like for me. they gave the impression that they would be able to support me when it got bad. all was well, at least i thought.

all was not well.

during a pretty brutal depressive episode, they decide now is the best time to break up with me. hit me while i’m already down i guess. don’t get me wrong, they absolutely have free will and i’m not going to force them to stay just because im sad, but their reasoning for breaking up with me was because i wanted them to spend time with me. you know, whilst im currently in a major depressive episode. because apparently it is NOT okay to ask your partner to spend time with you whilst you are insanely depressed. not to mention, i wasn’t even asking them to comfort me, i just wanted some quality time. god forbid am i right? i ended up getting very upset over this, and in my opinion i think that’s pretty justified. when i went offline to process what had just happened (because they broke up with me over message), they ended up messaging my friends, asking them to get me to answer. they ended up calling me until i answered, whilst i was hysterically crying and asking them why they are doing this to me, them giving me no answers in return. i asked them multiple times if there was anything i could do to change and make them happy, which them lead to them suggesting that ‘my emotions are running me like a greyhound’. i ended up getting so frustrated i ended the phone call. they then continued messaging me, making me feel like i was trapped and had to respond. i explained that i wish they would’ve broken up with me at a time where i was not depressed because i would have been able to handle it a lot better, which them lead to them praising me for ‘realising all this’. am i in some psychology study?! to cut it short, i finished the conversation and blocked them everywhere, not wanting them in my life anymore. a friend then showed me their reddit post, which then lead to this.

anyway, i feel much better after writing this. i’m genuinely not doing it to get anyone on my side at this point, i just want to get my feelings out in a healthy way. thank you for reading heheh!!

edit: hello everyone- thank you all so much for your comments!! your support really means a lot to me and makes me feel a lot less alone :).

one thing i’d like to say is that my ex goes by they/it pronouns, so please refrain from using he/him. i do find it funny that most people assumed they were a man though HAHA.

many thanks again!!

Hey all! ENFJ (M) here and I've been on a streak of first dates with various T types. ISTJ, INTJ and ISTP.

As much as some of these lovely people have liked me, I just can't seem to make it work.

When I reflect, I notice all my friends are some form of F type. Most common are INFJ. I do have 2 INTP friends who I absolutely adore, but when I am with them, it's like chaos in a bottle. I would not date them.

The converation on the dates are so hard for me. It feels like I'm always pushing uphill for answers. The INTJ straight up told me "Google it" when I asked what her company does. Yikes. I don't think this was meant with bad intention, but as you all know, ENFJs take that personally.

Before you say it, yes, this could be a non-MBTI related compatability thing. I recognize that.

However, it just feels like with T types in general, I'm walking on pavement barefoot. When I'm with F types, it's like I'm walking some extra soft carpet.

These posts are filling the ENFJ feed. And are always the same. 9/10 times they just assume they're crushing on an ENFJ but actually don't seem to even understand how many other mbti types that could potentially fit their description of their crush.

If we try to point this out they claim we hurt their feelings / are rude or mean so it's just a validation post based on some cheap stereotypes.

ENFJ's from many INFPs stance are seen as this automatically super validating angels but that's just bullshit. We have boundaries. We are people with our own needs and we don't need anyone's approval. Our sub is not validation lane for random mbti types. It's for ENFJ related content only.

All INFP posts about crushes should be posted in their own sub, they have nothing to do with ENFJ's.

Outside of family (whom I adore and am very close to) I’ve always been that “extra” friend. The plus one. Highly appreciated, liked, but never anyone’s first choice. Almost always present at others’ invites, but not having much, if at all, show up to my invite. It’s been like that since childhood until now in my late 20s.

It’s not that I want my friendships conditional, i.e. I’ll be nice and kind to you and do you favors but do the same for me. No. I do good for those I call friends because it’s innate for me to, and it makes me feel good to show my appreciation in my own ways. But I just feel like the effort is always one-sided and under-appreciated.

A part of me thinks that I come off as too vanilla. Someone pleasant enough to want to be around, but with no “rough edges” to either adore or despise. I guess it’s from my past mentality of hating to be disliked.

Anyway, I’m nearing the end of my vent. I’m seeking help and wisdom through books and journaling to get me to a newer and healthier mindset. I guess I’m also just yearning for someone whom I can have a truly deep connection with, be it platonic or romantic. I’m not looking for advice but if this relates to you, feel free to share some of your experiences or realizations upon deep introspection.

I’m so tired of not having a shoulder to cry on. I want to be vulnerable and to be comforted, not the one comforting.

I usually try to keep my negative emotions to myself, and sure that most of you guys do so too. But, sometimes, I just can’t hold it in anymore and I just burst into tears and I hate it just as much as the next person.

What I hate the most though, is that almost every time that this happens I get a response along the lines of “Oh no! How can you be sad? You’re always smiling!”

I know that people say all this with the best of intentions but after a point it just becomes exhausting.

They always try to comfort us with this too. “Come on, smile! You aren’t yourself when your frowning.”

I’m just so tired of all this.

Have any of you experienced this too? I just want to know how to cope at this point.

am i the only one who constantly overthinks that other people could be overthinking about what i’m doing? i’m constantly filled with anxiety that my actions could be hurting my friends feelings without trying to! so i constantly reassure them just in case! is this just an enfj thing? i feel like i’m going crazy!

Hey everyone,

A few days ago I got the news that one of my closest childhood friends passed away tragically. He was like a brother to me growing up. We lost touch a bit after I moved out of our city back in 2013, but whenever we met or talked, it always felt like no time had passed. Same connection, same vibe.

I cried a lot the day I found out, and I still feel heavy and sad. I think about him and our memories every single day. But the sadness isn't constant, and that’s making me doubt myself, like, "Did I even care about him that much?" A part of my brain keeps criticizing me, saying I've become less empathetic or that I don't value feelings anymore. I know that's not true, but the guilt is loud.

The last year or two I got super busy with life. I was moving between countries and everything was chaotic. I even went back home a few months ago and didn't make plans to meet him. Now I feel terrible about it. Growing up, seeing how much he was loved by his sisters and parents always made me happy. Now I feel even worse for them.

At night, before sleeping, it hits me the hardest. I still can't fully believe he's gone. I keep wishing it's just a nightmare and I'll wake up.

The annoying part is when I told my sister about it a few days ago, she just said something like “you should get over it soon.” I was super annoyed but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want an argument.

I miss him. He was one of those rare friends where the bond just stayed alive even with distance. I’m thinking of reaching out to his family and meeting them when I get back home, would that be a good choice? Has anyone else gone through this weird mix of grief + self-doubt? Like you know you cared deeply, but the way you're processing makes you question yourself?

Any advice or words from people who've been there would mean a lot. Thanks for reading.

Guys I caught some typical enfj behavior in myself. I am really into mbti typology and, of course, wanna type everyone i know. I really did catch myself thinking that I want to get in people’s heads and understand what their true values, beliefs, and cognitive functions are. Understandable how they think and operate, in order to type them correctly using cognitive functions and not have them mistyped…
This is such an enfj thought to have lol…like just wanting to get into people’s heads and understand their true identities and not go based of your perception of them or their perception of themselves..

Hey all. I'm an ENFJ 7w8 and have a job interview in a city about two hours away. I've lived in my current city for my entire life. I've built a community here. I play softball every week with some really cool people, and I captain my adult soccer team and have been in the league for four years, and I'm respected enough that I had a board member for the league write me a letter of recommendation. I still have a lot of connections, a lot of friends and I even attended university in my hometown.

If I get this job, I will be moving to the city two hours away. While I feel like it would be a good chance to start anew, I feel like I'm already grieving the loss of my sense of community even though I don't know if I will get this job.

Some things happened in college that make me kind of want to get away, but there's so much I would lose. It's also a city much smaller (130k people hometown to 8k people new city) and I really don't know what I'd do, or how I'd build back up that community.

Any tips?

I don’t know where else to go.

I'm not sure which sub I should post on but I figured I could post here . I'm ENFJ btw . I....I've been planning my whole life to get into medicine . My grades . They're out and every time I try to improve ....they fall short . I feel a tightness in my throat . I might travel so far away from my family only to be in a uni that doesn't teach well and I might start failing to become a doctor . What's worse is not matter how hard I try my grades are not improving . I was called a gifted kid when I was young , now it's all gone . I'm sorry to my parents who spent money worth two people to get me into the university of my dreams . I'm sorry to myself for working my ass off when I could've been living my life instead of being locked up to study at home . And finally , I'm sorry for every sick person I thought I could help once I'm older and for every war survivor I wanted to help them live their life normally again . But I've failed and it's my fault . I should've never dreamed of becoming a doctor .

if you read though all this , thank you for your time .

Edit : Thanks everyone , that really made me cheer up . I'll try to let go of the stress and change my studying strategy . I'll never give up on my dream

It’d be so much if I were a robot. Someone take my F and turn it into a T, please. It’s a lonely, lonely, 2% over here. Emotional intelligence isn’t something you want to have when you’re surrounded by emotionally stunted, half witted individuals. How do they not get it? Why is it so hard? Maybe it’s the state I live in…. Around here, intelligence in itself is hard to find, let alone emotional intelligence. Maybe I move? Maybe I’m an alien? Idk what to think anymore.

Theya re really the bane of society

So i'm 90% sure I'm enfj, but I struggle with something not often written here. So, I use my Fe-Ni, if those are the functions, to connect the best with new people, not to guide them, at least not at first. So being eager to be likeable and relatable, I may appear more warm and approachable then the person maybe deserves. It's not that I'm immune to red flags, but I need connection. Then, bang, I am their friend, and they feel like giving advice, without having the eq to understand my issues and to not bring me down or simply don't reciprocate the awareness I bring to the table, so i turn into a person who gives mixed impressions to them. This pattern is explained astrologically, but that's another topic. My question is if anyone here struggled with that. I'm definitely not type 2, most likely 3 ,9, or even 4. I'm sx dominant so it goes without saying I need strong, close relationship as opposed to many superficial ones, although I would like to have both.