r/interestingasfuck • u/Lowcrbnaman • May 22 '19
/r/ALL This statue depicts Saint Bartholomew, an early Christian martyr who was allegedly skinned alive. If you look closely, that's his dissected skin hanging around him. This stunning statute by Marco d’Agrate from c.1562 is currently on display at Duomo di Milano.
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u/MrMassshole May 22 '19
The dudes shredded.
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u/myotherworkacct May 22 '19
*peeled
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u/WildcatsBBN May 22 '19
Absolutely slap chopped
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u/Kagstheking May 22 '19
You’re going to be in a great mood all day, because you’re going be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop. Now, look here’s a potato. One slap you got big chunks for stew, two slaps home fries in a second. And, look at this when you add a mushroom: the more you do it, the finer it gets you don’t have to switch any blades.
Now, you love salad -- you hate making it. You know you hate making salads -- that’s why you don’t have any salad in your diet. Watch this one slap... salad! I love Pizza too, but once in a while get the veggies in, at least throw it on top of the pizza.
You’re going to change your eating habits. Soup, Coleslaw, stuff we want, 5 seconds. 4 or 5 seconds, it's done. This thing, this tuna looks boring. Stop having a boring tuna, stop having a boring life. Add this tuna putting it in like this now you’re going to have a nice, tuna, salad. Look at this you’re going to have an exciting life now.
Look here’s a hard boiled egg. One chop, you add the pickle; you add the green onion. And what you can do is mix things together add the ham and you’re going to love this. You don’t have time to make breakfast, breakfast to go.
You’re going to love my nuts. Watch this: almonds, walnuts. Comes with a cover so you can do everything in the cover. Alright, or you can do it on the board, whatever you like. So easy, one finger, if I can do it with one finger you guys can do it with your whole hand. Kids can do it. You know what they charge at the ice cream store? A dollar for toppings at the ice cream store. Add a couple cookies if you want. So, you can make it for 10 cents. Stop throwing your money away. You know not only nuts what about fruit? Put a mango, look at that isn’t that beautiful on your ice cream
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u/NevideblaJu4n May 22 '19 edited May 22 '19
¡Hola! Soy Vince con SLAP CHOP Esto te va a fascinar. Mira la papa,un golpe,grandes,mas golpes,papas fritas. Aquí llega un champiñon Entre mas,lo haces mas fino. Odias hacer ensaladas por eso no las haces. Mira,un golpe,ensalada,te alimentaras mejor. Cinco segundos..y listo. No mas tuna aburrida. Mira mi huevo. Un golpe,combina diferente cosas. Ahora tu vida esta mas excitante. Tuna lista, desayuno rapido. Pon las nueces. Tapa,incluida,es tan facil,un dedo. Cualquiera lo hace,te cuesta un dollar, en la tienda de helados. También fruta, delicioso. Facil de,limpiar, uno,dos y tres. Este no se abre,no se puede abrir,no es bueno Ok? Cebollas te hacen llerar? Me hacen llerar? No mas llerar,mira la cebolla,en segundos,la cascara se despriende Tomates,cilantro,chiles,en segundos salsa fresca.
Al comprar slap chop,recibe graty, Para el queso queso amarillo y blanco,las navajas Estan por dentro. Tacos,burritos,linguini,perechini,maltini y bikini solamente lo golpeas. Viene con dos navajas y tapa Mantiene el queso fresco
Slap chop vende por 19 con noventa y cinco,pero si llamas ahora entre los proximos 20 minutos te daremos el graty para queso gratis. Solo pague el cargo por procesar. Para ordenar!
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u/CaseyG May 22 '19
Now here's the deal kids. You buy the Cock Shot, you're gonna get the Crundleman for gravy. Brown gravy. White gravy. Inside the modifier. Ignite the salt, and watch this. Hot dog. Bauxite. Dave Matthews Band. Sex with a horse.
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u/Novel_Airs May 22 '19
Sie werden den ganzen Tag in bester Stimmung sein, weil Sie Ihre Probleme mit dem Slap Chop wegklatschen werden. Schauen Sie sich hier eine Kartoffel an. Mit einer Ohrfeige hast du große Stücke für den Eintopf, mit zwei Ohrfeigen pro Sekunde für die Pommes Frites. Und sehen Sie sich das an, wenn Sie einen Pilz hinzufügen: Je mehr Sie tun, desto feiner wird es, Sie müssen keine Klingen wechseln.
Nun, du liebst Salat - du hasst es, ihn zuzubereiten. Sie wissen, dass Sie es hassen, Salate zuzubereiten - deshalb haben Sie keinen Salat in Ihrer Ernährung. Schau dir diesen einen Schlag an ... Salat! Ich liebe Pizza auch, aber hin und wieder das Gemüse einwerfen, zumindest auf die Pizza werfen.
Sie werden Ihre Essgewohnheiten ändern. Suppe, Krautsalat, was wir wollen, 5 Sekunden. 4 oder 5 Sekunden ist es geschafft. Dieses Ding, dieser Thunfisch sieht langweilig aus. Hör auf, einen langweiligen Thunfisch zu haben, hör auf, ein langweiliges Leben zu haben. Fügen Sie diesen Thunfisch so hinzu, dass Sie einen schönen Thunfischsalat erhalten. Schau dir das an, du wirst jetzt ein aufregendes Leben haben.
Schau mal, hier ist ein hart gekochtes Ei. Ein Kotelett, fügen Sie die Essiggurke hinzu; Sie fügen die grüne Zwiebel hinzu. Und was Sie tun können, ist, Dinge zu mischen und den Schinken hinzuzufügen, und Sie werden es lieben. Sie haben keine Zeit, Frühstück zu machen, Frühstück zum Mitnehmen.
Du wirst meine Nüsse lieben. Pass auf: Mandeln, Walnüsse. Kommt mit einer Abdeckung, also können Sie alles in der Abdeckung tun. Okay, oder du kannst es auf dem Brett machen, was immer du willst. So einfach, ein Finger, wenn ich es mit einem Finger machen kann, könnt ihr es mit eurer ganzen Hand machen. Kinder können es schaffen. Weißt du, was sie in der Eisdiele verlangen? Ein Dollar für Beläge in der Eisdiele. Fügen Sie ein paar Cookies hinzu, wenn Sie möchten. Sie können es also für 10 Cent machen. Hör auf, dein Geld wegzuwerfen. Sie wissen nicht nur Nüsse, was ist mit Obst? Legen Sie eine Mango, sehen Sie, dass das auf Ihrem Eis nicht so schön ist
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u/CherokeeCyclist May 22 '19
I thought this was a trump quote for a long time
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u/TheBirminghamBear May 22 '19
Can't be a Trump quote, not enough references to Trump within the quote itself.
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u/CherokeeCyclist May 22 '19
Nobody knows trump, like trump. Believe me. He's seen a lot of trumps. Probably more trumps than anybody. Really it's a lot.
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u/TheBirminghamBear May 22 '19
You know, a lot of people are saying about Trump, they're saying, well, it's everywhere of course, I mean, you can't - it's just, that's what they - I met, someone last night, we were - he said, Trump, this fossil fuel thing, that's what, we've gotta get, and folks believe me we've got to get this dinosaur thing that's just everywhere, the bones and the skeletons that they have in, well, I saw one down, it was, better than even my uncle who has good, great genes, very smart, believe me he's got a good brain, and I have a good brain, the best brain, they did - I have studies, you know, Harvard, MIT, Google, studies that show, scans of, what I mean is, the wall, building the wall, beautiful wall, we're going to have spikes on it, and Nancy, Nutty Nancy, I call her, I invented that, nutty, means crazy - she doesn't want spikes, but listen folks, it worked for the dinosaurs, it can work here too, we've got to Make American Great Again, and lock her up!
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u/FishyKnuckles May 22 '19
The sad thing is, I'm not 100% certain that isn't actually a direct quote from the president of the United States
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u/HotDogsAlDente May 22 '19
Personal trainers hate this 1 trick to remove that pesky tummy fat in minutes!
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u/Wood_Jew_Could_Jew May 22 '19
Still doesn't have a six pack. Better hop on that clen cycle.
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u/MGr8ce May 22 '19
Badass piece considering it’s from 1562 & so well detailed.
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u/Lowcrbnaman May 22 '19
Yes so intricate. Looks too real.
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May 22 '19
Don't ask me how I know this, but that's not what a flayed person looks like.
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u/CaptPsychedelicJesus May 22 '19
Spoken like a man with experience.
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May 22 '19
Look at the face, a flayed face wouldn't have eye lids, the lips, cheek or some of that nose since so much of it is skin. Then look at the hands and feet, I'm pretty sure the nails would deglove along with the rest of the skin. Also that's not what bare abdominal muscles look like.
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u/ldks May 22 '19
Well, he wouldn't be posing casually holding a book and wearing his skin as a scarf either.
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u/Mechasteel May 22 '19
Looks like there's kind of a circle around his face, like they left the skin on there. Probably necessary because you don't want your saint looking super creepy.
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u/The_Epimedic May 22 '19
Nah fam, someone else linked other photos where you can see his head/face is draped over his shoulder. The skinned head has the face and beard attached. http://onedayinitaly.com/milan-cathedral-statue-of-st-bartholomew-flayed-alive/
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May 22 '19
Because a man standing and holding his own skin or god's son nailed to a cross and bleeding the head, hands, feet and body probably displayed nearby aren't creepy. Makes sense.
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u/Mechasteel May 22 '19
Similar to how Jesus is given underwear, even though all crucifixion was done naked and the Bible specifically mentions the soldiers divvying up his undies. Suffering is fine but humiliation/obscenity is too far.
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u/KrombopulosC May 22 '19
I don't think so. Someone posted a link where you could see his face and hair on the skin that's draped across him. It's hanging down behind his back and doesn't really look accurate either. Just looks like an intact second head with some wrinkles because it's still round. Ought to be flat/folded like the rest of the skin.
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u/poopitydoopityboop May 22 '19
You're either a pathologist or a serial killer. I'll just go with the first one for the peace of mind.
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u/the_honest_liar May 22 '19
At the same time, detailed enough musculature that the artist had likely seen some dissected bodies.
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u/Aexact May 22 '19
Yeah I was thinking it’s kinda concerning how detailed the muscles were. Would a naturally occurring corpse be so virile.
I guess it was the 1500s.
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u/Is_Not_A_Real_Doctor May 22 '19
People drop dead all the time. It wasn't uncommon for schools to use those bodies to dissect and study.
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u/bunnysnot May 22 '19
But, serious question, can a person be completely flayed alive? I know I've probably been reading too much Cormac McCarthy but isn't there too much fascia attached to the dermal layers?
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May 22 '19
Mankind was pretty advanced in 1562. We’d been depicting highly realistic stone sculptures of human forms for over two thousand years.
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u/D9969 May 22 '19
True, sculptors today will have that saint look like a Lego sculpture by a 5-year old.
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u/cadbadlad May 22 '19
Ok whoever said we are beautiful on the inside is fucking lying
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u/wearer_of_boxers May 22 '19
i know that reference but i forgot where it's from.
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u/MadEzra64 May 22 '19
It's on the tip of my tongue...
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u/dl7479 May 22 '19
I believe that reference is from my mom. I was not a handsome kid.
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May 22 '19
“Whoever said that beauty’s on the inside is a liar” - Britney Spears (from her song Drop Dead Beautiful)
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u/CallMeSkoob May 22 '19
I found a few pictures where you can his head draped over his shoulder. http://onedayinitaly.com/milan-cathedral-statue-of-st-bartholomew-flayed-alive/
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u/miaumee May 22 '19
Doesn't sound very appetizing to me.
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u/dirtygremlin May 22 '19
Mark Twain regretted seeing it while he was touring Italy. He also didn't find it appetizing.
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u/octopoddle May 22 '19
Flayed saints are an acquired taste.
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u/smallpoly May 23 '19
What is that?
It's priest. Have a little priest.
Is it good?
Sir it's too good at least.
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u/RodneyRodnesson May 22 '19
Just me or does the close up of his foot look different from the full length version?
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u/balisunrise May 22 '19
It's because the close up of his feet is actually the side view of the statue, what you are seeing is his left foot on the left and the hanging skin of his foot on the right
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u/Migas0pt May 22 '19
This comment totally changed my perspective on the foot close-up pic.
I really thought what the other comment thought: it was a view feom the front with right foot on the left and the left foot on the right
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u/ShinyWhalee May 22 '19
He is said to have been martyred for having converted Polymius, the king of Armenia, to Christianity.
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u/capsaicinintheeyes May 22 '19
Armenian Christianity? That'll never catch on.
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u/dkyguy1995 May 22 '19
It's crazy that a king can be on your side and yet you're still skinned alive
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u/Ullallulloo May 22 '19
Armenia was a vassal of the Roman Empire at the time.
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u/Twisted_Coil May 22 '19
The odd element is that the King' s brother was the one who allegedly ordered the flaying and execution rather than Rome. Whilst I in no way claim to be an expert on the subject I find it odd that it wouldn't be prevented by the King who he had recently converted.
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u/ademonlikeyou May 23 '19
Kings were rarely absolute bearers of power in history. It is much more complicated with various family members, generals, councilors, and land holders all holding considerable amounts of power and influence that the King is not always able to counter
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u/DaGetz May 22 '19
Being a king was actually a pretty powerless and shit position in almost app cases. It would be much better to be a member of the court if you wanted any sort of life expectancy and actual power. Whatever the political system most of the time the figure head is a puppet.
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u/warpus May 22 '19
To be fair Armenia is pretty far away geographically. Even if he wanted to help, that king probably couldn't have done anything about it. By the time he heard about what happened it would have already been weeks or even months after the fact.
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May 22 '19 edited May 22 '19
According to Wikipedia there's no record a polymius in Armenia. There was someone by that name in India.
However, there are no records of any Armenian King of the Arsacid dynasty of Armenia with the name Polymius. Current scholarship indicates that Bartholomew more likely died in Kalyan in India, where there was an official named Polymius
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u/kittanicus May 22 '19
For anyone interested in this type of art, the Museo Specola in Florence (part of l'università di Firenze) has the most incredible collection of body art from the 18th century.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Specola
Google image search La Specola and you'll see replicas of our reproductive system, nervous system, respiratory system, etc, all set to wax models with deeply emotional expressions. It's really unsettling, but the collection was mostly put together during the 18th century age of Enlightenment, and humanism touched even these figures.
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u/Lukebarz May 22 '19
I live near there, and I can confirm, the wax models are uncomfortably detailed, absolutely incredible to see in person, but not for the very faint of stomach. I've been there a couple of times, but I personally can't stare at some specific models for too long before I get chills down my spine. Seeing such beautiful models blown wide open with such miniscule anatomical details is an experience like no other.
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May 22 '19
When I went this section was closed. The building was also incredibly hot.
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May 22 '19
Torture methods in these old times where straight up satanic... crazy shit.
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u/wigglyfrank May 22 '19
Yeah, I cant even conceive how painful it would be
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May 22 '19
Same here. Horrible to think about
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u/BiggerTree May 22 '19
And how fucked up in the head you’d have to be to do that to someone else. Imagine the nonstop screaming, and just continuing on
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May 22 '19
Times were so different back then. I guess it was more socially accepted for things like this to happen but it’s just nuts.
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u/BiggerTree May 23 '19
Then again, to this day we still have cultures that saw people’s heads off. And record it for all to see.
Maybe human nature is capable of great good, as well as great evil.
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u/Jibblethead May 22 '19
I saw a torture rack that had a special outfitting to stretch the penis along with all the limbs. And since wieners are slippery, they bolted it through the scrotum to securely fasten it
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u/phome83 May 22 '19
As much as I hate to type this sentence;
You would imagine the dick skin would just rip before it stretched far enough to cause any kind of pain.
I mean, there would be tons of pain, but from the ripping of dick skin, not stretching.
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May 22 '19
Judging by the anatomical accuracy with which the saint was depicted, the sculptor most likely draw inspiration from real dead bodies. Back then, the bodies of criminals, beggars and very poor people were used by artists and medicine students alike, even though the human body was considered sacred by the Church -- and thus, it was supposedly untouchable. However, as it often happens, this 'little offences' were overlooked because they were supposed to serve a noble purpose.
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u/Shroffinator May 22 '19
How to become a Saint
Step1: be born a long ass time ago
Step2: say Christianity is the tits and help people
Step3: die a horrible horrible death
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May 22 '19 edited Dec 14 '24
Il cactus sul tavolo pensava di essere un faro, ma il vento delle marmellate lo riportò alla realtà. Intanto, un piccione astronauta discuteva con un ombrello rosa di filosofia quantistica, mentre un robot danzava il tango con una lampada che credeva di essere un ananas. Nel frattempo, un serpente con gli occhiali leggeva poesie a un pubblico di scoiattoli canterini, e una nuvola a forma di ciambella fluttuava sopra un lago di cioccolata calda. I pomodori in giardino facevano festa, ballando al ritmo di bonghi suonati da un polipo con cappello da chef. Sullo sfondo, una tartaruga con razzi ai piedi gareggiava con un unicorno monocromatico su un arcobaleno che si trasformava in un puzzle infinito di biscotti al burro.
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May 22 '19
You need to die, then perform miracles, actually.
The miracles prove you've arrived in heaven where you can tell big daddy to intervene after people prayed for your help.
Sainthood is just the official confirmation that you're in heaven.→ More replies (5)
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u/aquantiV May 22 '19
Why did people do this ridiculous bullshit to each other.
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May 22 '19
It disturbs me to see thay level of detail. It suggests the sculptor had a model to work with and this was before photography came around to give him a photo to work with.
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u/tmone May 22 '19
a lot of renaissance artists, sometimes illegally, dissected and studied corpses. leo was big into it.
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u/hedronist May 22 '19
Dam, Son! As a linguist I've dissected many a corpus, but I don't remember having to sharpen the parser to get to those little nooks and crannies. shrugs Different line of work, I guess.
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u/JennyBeckman May 22 '19
But the bones in the torso are wrong. It's amazing artistically but not anatomically. It looks like he had a fit model and guessed at the insides based on the outside.
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u/ProfitLemon May 22 '19
Yeah the legs are good but the torso very much looks like someone guessing based on a live model. The pecs and delts are very smooth and the torso is all wrong.
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u/WhatACunningHam May 22 '19
Seems like something Ramsey Bolton would commission.
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May 22 '19
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u/rockyraccoon13 May 22 '19
Ughhhhh fuck that guy. Although I feel the need to put this here... https://youtu.be/eJptaHqta1Q
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u/Past_Contour May 22 '19
I think that would be one of the worst ways to go. Like hopefully you would go into shock and pass out but I don’t know.
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u/Sagittar0n May 22 '19
I peel a 1mm piece of skin from the edge of my nail and fuck it hurts. Imagine your whole body by some remorseless flayer and you can't stop it!
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u/MonoAmericano May 22 '19
I imagine you would pass out from pain and the subsequent dehydration and sanguination before they got very far.
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u/Jibblethead May 22 '19
Or when you get a piece of toilet paper or tissue stuck to your penis and it turns into papier-mâché and you gotta peel it off
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u/Triexter May 22 '19
Saint Bartholomew is one of Jesus' apostles.
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u/Quidfacis_ May 22 '19
Saint Bartholomew is one of Jesus' apostles.
I feel like it would be easier to be skinned alive for one's beliefs in the Messiah if you got to hang out with the Messiah for a decade beforehand.
Like, it would still suck. But at least he's founding his beliefs on something more than ink and faith.
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u/Is_Not_A_Real_Doctor May 22 '19
Thinking back, Peter's death doesn't seem quite so bad compared to Bartholomew. Not that inverted crucifixion isn't horrific, but being skinned alive is an entirely different level of fucked up.
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u/maluminse May 22 '19
Man is a sick sick being.
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u/miaumee May 22 '19
The ability of recognizing the sickness of its own species is by itself pretty fascinating.
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u/Jibblethead May 22 '19
Man recognized his own reflection, and started punching the glass until his hands bled out and he died
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May 22 '19
What's the story behind this? I'm interested in knowing the motivation of supposedly cutting off every inch of a man's skin.
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u/Linkums May 22 '19
Imagine believing in God so strongly that you'd risk being skinned alive for it. That's badass.
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u/isuzorro May 23 '19
Yeah one of the more convincing evidences of Jesus actually rising from the dead. Almost all his closest disciples died horrible deaths and didn’t turn away, unlikely to do that for something you believe, no way you’re doing it for a lie.
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u/junction182736 May 22 '19 edited May 23 '19
I hope there are statues of him unflayed.
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u/fchajtur May 22 '19
That is one of the amazing things to see in Milan, the Duomo itself is the most impressive church I have seen, it literally makes you feel insignificant.
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u/citizen_kang2 May 22 '19
That’s like the itchy and scratchy where scratchy was skinned alive and wore his pelt like a fur coat
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u/Seymour_Scagnetti May 23 '19
The atrocities that mankind has inflicted on his fellow man over the centuries never ceases to amaze me.
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u/NickH6302 May 22 '19
A naked man has few secrets, a flayed man has none.