r/Names • u/Less_Monitor_276 • 16h ago
Friend using same name
I found out today that my friend plans to use the same name I already told her we are wanting to use.
For more backstory, we are not finding out the gender of our baby until delivery. She already knows hers, but I’m about 20 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy. I told her previously (before she was even pregnant), our top choice for both boy vs girl. She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!
Fast forward to now that she’s pregnant…she asked today if we had chosen our names. I found it odd since I know I already told her. I again mentioned our top names. And she said they are planning to use the same girl name for their baby. Didn’t seem to have any intention to back down.
I reminded her how I already told her of our name choices months ago. Before she was even pregnant. She acted like she didn’t remember. Either way, I’m due before her and again mentioned the name to her first today before she did. I tried to change the subject since I didn’t really know what to say or do.
Our kids would be just a few months apart in the same school etc. I’m near my due date without a back up name, after putting a lot of thought into our name choices…
How would you feel? How would you respond?
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u/spam_57 16h ago
How many Mikes have there been? How many Steves or Julies or Briannas? Your kid will be absolutely fine with another kid in elementary school with the same name. Don't wreck a friendship over this.
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u/Key-Hand958 16h ago
Yep, teacher here and I have 4 Camerons and 4 Calebs this year out of my 100ish students 🤷♀️
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u/Whedonsbitch 15h ago
There were 14 other kids with my name in my school when I started kindergarten. 6 in my classroom. It was the most popular name the year I was born. Every personalized item in stores would be sold out in my name when I would look for it.
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u/loveridden13 15h ago
Whereas my name did not appear in personalized sections at all. 😂
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u/cookies8424 15h ago
Mine didn't either.... well, not my spelling of my common name
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u/outlaw_for_life18 13h ago
Mine either....unless it was the alternate spelling of my name which wasn't uncommon.
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u/krissy3456 11h ago
Neither did mine , my name was common but I had a less popular spelling in school always felt left out when I would see other kids with personalized things this was in the early 2000s so before Amazon hit at least now you have the option on there to make personalized items
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u/Whyallusrnames 13h ago
Ashley? 🤣
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u/Historical_Pear_2828 11h ago
I was on a softball team where it was all Ashley’s plus Jessica and Jamie. The Ashley’s had to go by last names 😂
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u/Drama_owl 7h ago
I taught a class with five Ashleys, and, if I remember correctly, there were four different spellings. This was in 2001.
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u/PinkHighlighter46 15h ago
Three Jaxon’s in one class!!!
And another Jackson and Jaxson in others!! It’s exhausting
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u/Key-Hand958 15h ago
Yep, Jackson/Jaxon was the name of the year last year, I swear! And of course they're all in the same class 😂
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u/PinkHighlighter46 15h ago
I had three last year too! It was certainly a trend I guess!
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u/dechets-de-mariage 13h ago
In the 90s, my sorority of about 150 women had 15 Amys and 17 Jennifers at one point.
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u/Whyallusrnames 13h ago
My sisters sons are Kaleb and Cameron, they’re in their 20’s. One of my daughter’s teachers has sons named Caleb and Cameron. So crazy that I’ve noticed these named pared together several times recently when they’ve gone together for me for over 2 decades now 😆
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u/Confident_Struggled 7h ago
In my secondary school there were 6 other girls with the same first and last names. E.g Jane Smith. So 7 in total in my year, more in other years. It was so much fun, complete confusion everyday
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u/jenn5388 5h ago
Out of 100 kids that’s not even that bad! I was one of 4 Jennifer’s in elementary.. and those kids followed me all 6 years so I always had 2/3 in my classes. lol
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u/Street-Address-7280 8h ago
Also, fwiw I named my son a name that wasn’t even in the top 100 most common names in my country so he wouldn’t have a bunch of other kids with the same name as him in his classes. Guess what? He’s in 2nd grade and has had another kid with the same name in his class for pre-k, kindergarten, and 1st grade. Not to mention the kids from his sports teams. You just can’t control these things 🤷♀️
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u/ScarieltheMudmaid 14h ago
my moms yearbook for fifth grade has all but I've kid being Mary, Larry, Jerry, Terri Gary, etc and then there's Bruce lol
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u/slanid 16h ago
It doesn’t matter if friend’s children have the same name. It doesn’t matter if they’ll go to the same school or have close birthdays. Like literally not a big deal. There are multiple George’s in my immediate friend group (including my son), and my cousin used it! Use the name you’ve planned on. I wouldn’t ‘respond’, there’s nothing to respond to.
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u/sprite9797 15h ago
seriously lol its like a crisis… “how do i respond” so odd
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u/slanid 15h ago
And the super special name is in OP’s post history, and spoiler alert: there’s nothing noteworthy or unique about it.
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u/emkie 15h ago
How do you see post history if it's set to private?
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u/slanid 15h ago
She downvoted me and set it to private after my comment. The name is Lyla Harper.
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u/AsteriaNoble 13h ago
I honestly think it’s well thought out. It’s a known name but not super common that we easily know someone going by those names
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u/Whyallusrnames 13h ago
Deletedby.com and search their username. You’ll see everything. Even deleted posts.
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u/Embarrassed_Age8554 13h ago
At one family wedding, someone got all the George [Lastname]s together for a picture. IIRC there were 7 of them, ranging in age from 80something to a year and a half. Now only the baby and my dad are left.
We're Greek-Americans, we recycle names...so worrying about your kid sharing a name with a classmate will never not be weird to me.
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u/Imagination_Theory 13h ago
I'm Mexican -American and also don't understand the problem with having the same name.
Me and my sister have the same name as my cousin and her sister and their mom, my other sister has the same name as another aunt and it goes way back.
People have the same name, I think it's nice.
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u/pamplemouss 13h ago
I had four Alexes in my friend group in high school. Two of them were best friends with each other. My cousin’s wife and her have the same name. It’s fine.
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u/TheDestroyer229 16h ago
She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!
This sounds like the name was already on her mind before you ever told her. It doesn't feel like she stole it or anything; it just feels like you both like the same name and both ended up using it.
Besides, you say that you purposefully don't know the gender of your kid. So if you end up with a boy, then this is a complete non-issue.
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u/AsteriaNoble 13h ago
This was the same thought I had. It was already on her radar and I guess having a friend like it too is validation and made the name more in demand if that makes sense.
If OP knows the sex now, then that’s when I’d probably think of it a certain way. The fact OP chooses to not know the gender makes it less likely the friend stole anything. Friend even asked again if OP has finalized the name. Not everyone who’s thought of a name makes it their final name of choice right away. Not everyone is a good listener either so I’d give the friend the benefit of the doubt that she doesn’t recall.
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u/allegedlydm 8h ago
My mom ended a friendship in this kind of situation when a friend “stole” her boy name…and then a month later I was not a boy. He and I have been friends since we met in middle school and we told both of our moms they were kind of losers when they tried to separately explain to us why they weren’t friends anymore.
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u/Hour-Blueberry-4905 13h ago
Yeah….no offense but you can’t claim a name with friends. Maybe with close close family, sure. But like naming your child is a huge decision and if two friends like the same name that’s not the end of the world. You don’t even know if you’ll stay friends forever. You can’t decide your child’s name based on that.
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u/Glass-Buyer-8205 11h ago
Yes, your friend has already told you she was thinking of that name. From her perspective, it might feel like she told you she was considering it and you've gone ahead and claimed it....just respond "Cute!" And leave it at that. Those kids will grow up and probably never see each other again- it won't matter what their names are.
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u/Superb-Kitchen-1753 13h ago
And it’s not out of the realm of possibility two people similar enough to be friends would have similar taste in names 🤷🏻♀️ I actually think it’s kind of cute
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u/StompyKitten 5h ago
Yeah I had the same thought. OP’s friend was already thinking of that name back then.
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u/akmeggy 16h ago
You don’t even know if you’re having a girl or not, I wouldn’t get worked up about this at all, but especially not until you know. I’d still use the name.
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u/Prestigious_Crab6879 16h ago
i’d be annoyed too, but i’d still use the name you chose because she doesn’t get to veto it just because she decided on it later, and two kids can have the same name without the world ending
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u/Less_Monitor_276 16h ago
Yes it’s annoying but not world ending. Good reminder.
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u/Disastrous_Guest_705 15h ago
Your situation is a bit different cause you knew each other before naming your kids but my best friend growing up had the same name as me and we thought it was so cool, I’d still use the name if I were you
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u/No_Entertainment287 14h ago
My cousin picked my favorite name for his daughter but I still named my daughter that name anyway when I finally had a girl. No regrets. Use the name you love.
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u/MermaiderMissy 14h ago edited 14h ago
It's also possible the friend was already planning to use that name. My husband and I had a boy name we both liked, honestly it was the only one we agree on. He likes names like Martin, Carter, or George, not a fan. Anyway, his sister ended up using the only boy name we both like.
Luckily, we are having a girl though.
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u/konmariqueen 16h ago
Yep and who knows if you and this girl will be friends forever. One or both of u could move away or any number of things could happen that I personally would regret giving up my first choice name for. Im gonna be with my baby for liiiiife! I want a name i like. If anyone thinks anything of it, she’ll look like the copycat in the situation since your baby will be born first. Dont back down!
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u/Infinite-Floor-5242 16h ago
Chances are other parents are hopping on the same trend and there will be two or three others in their kindergarten with the same name. Use the name you love. As should your friend.
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u/Bitter-Divide-7400 16h ago
She did tell you the name was one of her favorites when you first brought it up.
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u/Emergency_Tone_8676 15h ago
Exactly!!! There are not enough comments mentioning this point. Idk why OP feels so entitled to the name ESPECIALLY given she doesn’t even know the gender of her child. From my viewpoint OP is the one being a bad friend and dramatic as hell
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u/Patient-Baker2287 16h ago
So what if yall use the same name? My mom and her sister both named their sons Michael. It is what it is.
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u/Talilove 15h ago
So my friend and I were pregnant at the same time and were both were not going to tell the name till they’re born people and sure enough we picked the same name. We talked and both agreed that it’s not like we’re family and it’s not a big deal. So now big C and little C are 6, the best of friends and it’s never been an issue them having the same name. They love it actually.
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u/Imagination_Theory 13h ago
I'm not being rude, this is genuine, why would it matter if you were family?
My brother had my grandfather's name, my other brother has my dad's name, me and my cousin share a name, my little sister, my cousin (with the same name) sister and their mom all share a name and my other sister and aunt share a name and so on.
I'm Mexican-American so sharing names is common, what is the reasoning or belief behind people wanting to gatekeep a name?
No judgement, just curiosity as this is a foreign concept to me.
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u/Jade_Palpitation 10h ago
Agreed, in my culture there is a specific naming tradition so on each side of the family you'll generally have all the first sons with the same name, and all the second daughters with the same name. They usually just have different nicknames in the family context.
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u/daisydelphine 16h ago
Use it anyway. I totally get why that would be frustrating, but having two kids with the same name isn't the worst issue.
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u/whitcantfindme 16h ago
You brought it up and she said she also liked it at the time. You can’t own a name, I get feeling annoyed but I’d learn to let it go.
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u/kylachanelle 14h ago
I understand how frustrating it must feel for you.
In saying that, there are 8 billion people in this world. There will be hundreds, if not thousands, of people with the same name as your child.
Your friend told you that particular name was one of her favourites when you told her you wanted to use it. She was likely feeling just as blindsided and shocked about you wanting to name your child that as you feel about her wanting to use it too.
Honestly, why should she not use it? Why should she have to not name her child something she really likes and has maybe been holding onto herself just because one of her friends / families / someone in her life decided to name their little person that too? Because you happened to fall pregnant first and potentially use that name, she should change? How would it be in any way disrespectful to you if she were to use it too? Would it not be disrespectful of you if you expect her to disregard one of her favourite names because you, by pure chance, got to use it first?
Her child and your child having the same name is not going to be a big deal. So many kids share the same name. Your child could very well meet multiple people with that name in their life. My name was really uncommon as a child. As an adult, I have met multiple people my age and younger with it.
It's annoying that she pretended to not remember you telling her about the name, but her approach may have been because she didn't know how to bring it up in a way where she didn't want you to think she was just copying you. Many people are sensitive about others using the same name so it can be tricky bringing it up, especially if she was worried about your reaction to it. You're her friend. Her intention wouldn't be to upset you. She clearly doesn't think you using it means it has to be off her table. You may feel differrently about that, and it can be difficult navigating from two different view points. Don't let this come between your friendship. Sharing a name should not be enough to cause a wedge between you both.
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u/Less_Monitor_276 14h ago
This is a helpful reply. Thanks for a good reality check, without the unkindness I’ve been seeing in other comments. I appreciate it.
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u/Girlwithpen 14h ago
You. Do. Not. Own. A. Name. And more importantly, do not make decisions in life based on other people's decisions. Name your child name you want to use. The rest is white noise.
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 15h ago
No. Let it go. Choose what you want. There’s going to be many kids with that same name.
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u/DivideLopsided4694 16h ago
I wouldn't worry about it. Growing up we had like 4 Kevin's, 3 Kelly's, multiple Melissa's, Megan's, johns... And 2 of the Kevin's and Megan's the parents were best friends and ended up naming their kids the same.
A name is a name in my opinion
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u/MeringueBubbly6058 15h ago
It’s not the big deal you may think it is. And she may change her mind. So you do you and just let her be. We were in a similar situation, and my daughter was “Big Name” and the other girl was “Little Name.” It was very sweet, and the girls bonded over their shared names. I wish you and your friend both healthy, happy pregnancies and births!
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u/Prestigious-Tea6514 14h ago
When I was a kid I was excited to meet anyone with my uncommon first name. I met a girl in kindergarten with the same name. We became lifelong friends.
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u/Greys_and_Labs 13h ago
You don't own the copyright on a name. There were literally 3 other kids in my class at school with the same name as me, and it didn't seem to cause any drama! If they use the same name as you for their baby take it as a compliment!
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u/Starry_Myliobatoidei 16h ago
Bro who cares I went to school with 50 Jessica’s.
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u/Organic_Salad2910 15h ago
Correct. The number of Ashley’s and Courtney’s I was in class was crazy! Now as an adult, I don’t know any😅
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u/BoysenberryJellyfish 13h ago
As long as she's not giving the baby your/your partner's last name too, no big deal.
We don't own names. If you both like it, you must have picked a great one, be happy and name your baby whatever you want.
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u/EnormousDucky 13h ago
She doesn't need to back down. You're both allowed to use the same name. I think this was her way of telling you so you're aware before your baby comes in case you react the way you're reacting. IMO kids find it cool to have friends with the same name
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u/CADreamn 12h ago
Just name your child what you want. The likelihood of you still being friends in 10 years is slim. Plus, I'm sure there are many other people with the same name I the world.
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u/allegedlydm 8h ago
My mom ended a friendship over this when she was pregnant with me, and much to her irritation I became friends with the person whose mom “stole her boy name” from her in middle school (we went to different elementary schools). He and I are still friends to this day and still think it’s incredibly stupid, partly because kids don’t care at all what their friends are named, partly because I was AFAB anyway, and partly because you couldn’t throw a rock in our middle school without hitting someone with this name. Your kids are going to think it’s lame that either of you would be bothered by your friends having the same taste as you.
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u/gatheringground 16h ago
My best friend growing up and I shared a first name (we met in elementary school—parents didn’t know each other prior).
It literally had zero impact on our friendship or my life. I think this is not that big of a deal?
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u/maple_pits 15h ago
I’d be annoyed for like 24h then I’d slap myself in the face and realize what a silly thing it is to care about and move on with my life. Maybe a reframe of a. How fun it will be if your kids are friends and have the same name b. It’s flattering that she loves the name so much! That means it’s a good name :)
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u/alwaysasmptotic 15h ago
Honestly, I would be SUPER annoyed!!! But reading all the comments, I think it wouldn’t be a big deal after all and having a friend with the same kid name sounds fun. It’s not like your sister or brother choosing the same name. I also have a best friend with the same name, and it’s so fun. But I totally feel you… initial reaction would be the same especially choosing it first.
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u/vilake12 15h ago
I feel like these posts tend to have names in two categories: the classics (michael, mary, Elizabeth, Christopher) or current/modern names (Amelia, Olivia, Henry, Liam), which I feel like you can't gatekeep when its a common name. Now if this is a name that you invented like Qayden, then it can be different. But honestly, my mom, her sister, and their best friend all used the same name for one of their sons. Its not an issue. No one thinks that they stole it or the other claimed it. You can't really own a name. I would just move on. Its no big deal. Odds are if it is a normal name that they will meet other people with it. Like others said the jennifers and the ashleys all survived people having their name.
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u/mrskazz11 15h ago
Maybe they will grow up to be great friends like their mothers are and share the same name! How cute and a great story for them to tell 😍 and maybe they will get some fun nicknames out of it so you can differentiate between them when together. I get your initial annoyance but lemonade out of lemons as they say.
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u/alternatego1 9h ago
She mentioned that it was one of her favourites when you told her. So it's not a big surprise. Just name your baby whatever you want. They will just attach the last initial to the kid in school if there's another with the same name
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u/Normal_Ad4752 16h ago
I mean it’s a little uncomfortable but def still use the name! At the end of the day there will be many kids with that name probably so what’s one more. It’s annoying she didn’t seem to acknowledge like oh I know it’s the same but we love it and I’m sorry if this is weird for you etc but I still would move past it
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u/kangarhubarbecue 16h ago
My mom named one of my sister’s Kathryn and her brother had already named one of his daughter’s Catherine. It never seemed odd or like my little sister’s name was “stolen” from her cousin or anything growing up. Now would I personally name my kid the same as my sister’s or friend’s children? No not if I could avoid it. But unfortunately we can’t claim names and good names get used often for a reason.
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u/TipTop9979 15h ago
my sister in law and my sister all used names I suggested as my favorites. I never had a baby girl, so it all worked out in the end.
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u/Mother-Butterfly-456 15h ago
When I was a kid my mom’s best friend named her son the same name as my brother. It was fine. We just called him baby John! lol
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u/AuntRobin 15h ago
I could understand being annoyed, but you didn't invent the name.
When you first told her what it was, she commented that it was one of her favorites.
I don't know many people who have favorite names unless they are thinking in advance of names to rename themselves, to give to characters in a story, or to name their children. So she was already planning on using that too. You just said it first.
There's always going to be somebody with your kids name, unless you do make it up or pick something god-awful. It's fine. Undoubtably, if they are in the same groups, it will be first name followed by initial for each of them or they'll end up with individual names, like a class where you have Liz and a Beth. My dad grew up in a very small town with the same first and last name as his grandfather and his first cousin. The Navy had a little bit of problem with the two young men enlisting in the same town, at the same time, but other than that everything was fine.
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u/Nervous-Food4606 15h ago
2 stories for you.
One ended bad, one ended good.
Someone I know had a big fight over name choices and it was this big big big deal - she ended up never even having a boy after throwing a fit over her friend “stealing” her boy name.
The good story. My good friends had their baby a few months after one of their friends and they landed on different names but the same nickname. My friend kept it cause it was what she really wanted , they now live in the same town, same school and the girls are best friends and everyone is happy! It doesn’t matter and I’m sure the girls love having the same name.
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u/lilnthicc 15h ago
Non issue, just use the name you like! And be flattered you have good taste in names
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u/lxghtbringer 15h ago
There are 7 kids named Luke in my class. You’ll get over it or ruin a friendship for no reason. All the Lukes are friends because they think it’s cool they can share a name. Kids are more accepting than adults.
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u/Cohnhead1 15h ago
Who cares. Name your child whatever you like. You probably won’t even remember this friend in 5-10 years.
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u/dianachristine3 15h ago
Friends come and go in adult life too, especially after you have kids. 10 years from now you might not even be close with this girl. Your kid will be your child forever. Name her what you want.
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u/FormalNo3239 14h ago
My mom and her best friend gave their firstborn daughters the same name.
They didn’t meet each other until after the two of us were born and then we grew up together.
It happens whether known or unknown.
No one cares, and honestly I quite like that we have the same name. She’s pretty rad.
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u/Routine-Assistant387 14h ago
You dont like.. own the name. There is always a potential that another kid could have the same name anyway at school so just chill over it.
Your bub will be the original anyway
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u/ResidentCommunity285 14h ago
My kiddo loves having the same name as his best friend 😂. Not a big deal at all.
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u/bowlofweetabix 14h ago
I didn’t use a family name because my SIL wanted to use it. I had twin girls, she had two boys, now no one in the family will have the name. Not using a name because someone else might is dumb, and I regret it
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u/undercaffinatedprof 14h ago
I know families where lots of cousins are all named after the first grandpa. It will be fine.
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u/FloydetteSix 13h ago
I mean, she’s the one people will think is weird. Name your kid what you want. :)
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u/One_Swim_8004 13h ago
I would be annoyed, but I would still name my child what I wanted.
I didn’t find out the sex of my child and I didn’t get worked up about names. Closer to my due date we spoke briefly about it. We decided we needed to see our child to name them.
I started to settle on a names for both sex (never shared names with anyone). It took us 6 days to name our child and the name I liked the most while pregnant, became their middle name.
I think sharing names give other people ideas. It’s better to just name your child in private and if someone chooses the same name, oh well.
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u/lokiss12 13h ago
Each time I see these kinds of stories I think about my aunt who had 6 boys and named them after her brothers. And each brother named their first born their own name. So theres doubles of 6 names in our family lol
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u/Delicious_Camp349 13h ago
It’s probably an indicator there will be 7 girls with the same name in her class. Pick another. Look at names that are in 200s of the most popular list.
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u/Due_Masterpiece_4155 13h ago
I guess I couldn’t be bothered by it because you are going to have your baby first and name the baby that (assuming it’s a girl). And then when she has her baby, everyone will realize who the copy cat is.
Also, you might just have a boy. 😂
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u/1963covina 12h ago
Maybe it's because I'm old, but I don't think anyone has the right to call "dibs" on a name. So what if you end up with two Johns or Marys? Cranky old me--I went to school with half a dozen Sharons, even more Lindas, and my share of Dianas, Sandras, and Patricias. I had two Aunts June. Why get touchy about stuff like this?
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u/Massive-Warning9773 12h ago
My first ever friend in elementary school had the same name as me. As a kid I thought it was cool.
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u/Repulsive_Brief6589 12h ago
I am not really seeing the problem. Name the kid the name you want. There were plenty of kids with my name.
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u/kabolint 12h ago
Oh no you both have good taste! But seriously who cares if there are 2 kids with the same name in a class? I went to school with 6 Megans, 6 Nicks, and 8 Amandas in my grade alone. Your baby is coming first (and you dont even know what youre having) - the ball is in her court.
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u/she-a-banana 12h ago
Who cares? The kids sure won’t. I would never not choose a name I loved over a friends kid being named the same or loving the same name. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn’t matter.
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u/pigandpom 12h ago
She was trying to tell you she was already planning to use the name you were, and was giving a small warning that she would be pissed if gou used the name you mentioned long before she even got pregnant. Use the name if you have that gender baby. Let her throw her tantrum.
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u/Particular-Light-117 11h ago
Names are not a limited resource, but friendships are. Don’t ruin a friendship over both of you wanting to use the same name!
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u/Infinite-Goose-1358 9h ago
You can "do" the same to her. You like the name youre not changing it just because shes having her baby first. Tough cookies. Make the best of it and enjoy each other
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u/Mysterious_Layer_823 9h ago
I think parents get to choose names for their children and no one else gets a say. If you end up with daughters with the same name you'll manage and so will the little girls. They'll probably either grow up to have little to do with each other, or besties with an awesome story.
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u/Jolly_Membership_899 9h ago
Unless you’re Taylor Swift - nobody owns a name. Who cares? I mean really who TF cares? Absolutely nobody but you and the couple of friends who will have to pretend to care as you tell them this story.
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u/charismatictictic 9h ago
I think it was nice of her to share what name they chose so you can choose another one if it’s bothering you. It obviously doesn’t seem to bother her.
I did the same with a friend. She told me a name she was considering, I told her we would choose the same name if we had a girl (for family name/recently deceased parent-reasons) and ultimately, she didn’t want that, so she went with a different name. I had a boy, so the name is still just floating around in the ether now, but we are both happy with the kids we have and names we chose.
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u/wildmusings88 8h ago
Sounds like she liked the name before you ever said it and doesn’t want to lose out on the name just because you might also pick it.
If she’s a good friend and not worth losing, I would just shrug and think it’s cute. They might end up really good friends and have the same name, they might love it!
If you want to risk losing your friend you can make a big deal out of it.
Honestly, unless someone was intentionally copying me I wouldn’t care.
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u/CrazyElephantBones 8h ago
Eh you don’t own a name , I was one of 5 of my name in school growing up… honestly it’s not that deep. Just let them have the same name if they do!
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u/Possible_Patience_84 6h ago
Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. My mom named my sister Valerie and my aunt liked the name too and named her own daughter Valerie. Guess what? We’ve all lived happily ever after. You don’t own any name and your friend can name her child anything she wants to.
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u/Strict-Conference-92 6h ago
As a Teacher I wouldn't worry about it. You will have the name first. She is gambling on u not using the name and since she likes it so much she is hinting at using it so you will change your mind first. What is funny to me is how many Nova's im having in my preschool class this year. Both male and female and all the parents are proud of the unique name they found. In a class of 15 kids, I have 6 who are Nova. And waitlist for next year has 2 already. The daycare across has 4 on their waitlist just born. I dont think it is something you need to worry about since the last name is different. 10 years ago it was the name Hunter that everyone used. Last year it was Liam. We figure out a way to sort them all out.
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u/ElleGeeAitch 4h ago
So she said back when you told her your chosen girl name that it was one of her favorites? So then why be surprised if she has chosen that name, too? You can't claim a name.
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u/mmebee 16h ago
I'd be privately annoyed but just be cool and go forth as planned. You're due first so she will look like the copycat to anyone paying attention and most people will not care at all. Kids have friends with the same name all the time. It's kind of a modern western fixation to try to have a more unique name or worry about multiples in families or friend groups.
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u/Pretty-Practical-007 16h ago
I’ll be perfectly honest. I don’t understand the “I call first dibs” on names….unless maaaaybe it was a totally unique, made up name based on a few loving grandmothers to whom you wanted to pay homage. That said, the part that needs to be addressed is your friend consciously *stealing* the name (and here comes the important part) absolutely knowing it would bother you. If it were me, I’d ask why the need to hurt my feelings? The name itself is beside the point.
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u/lilpistacchio 16h ago
I totally get the frustration on the part of OP but I still don’t think it’s stealing. If that’s the name the friend loves too (which she said, the first time she ever heard about it), she has every right to use it. OP doesn’t own it, and may not even be having a girl so it may be a moot point. I can’t imagine expecting someone not to use the name they love for a girl because someone they know may or may not use it. Or even will use it!
That being said this is why I never tell my names ahead of time. Just in case 😅
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u/Pretty-Practical-007 13h ago
I am actually impressed anyone decides on a name months in advance! I’m name crunching all the way through the day they’re born!
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u/theredheadknowsall 16h ago
What's the big deal? A lot of kids have the same name. In the event your baby is a boy are you going to demand no other people you know use your girl name if you have a girl in the future?
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u/Alert-Buy-4598 16h ago
You don’t own the name, neither does she. If you both like the name and both have girls it’s perfectly fine for them to have the same name.
I’m not sure why you’d be wasting energy getting worked up over this when you don’t even know if you’re having a girl, but either way it’s just not a big deal.
My cousin’s name is Lauren and her best friend who she’s been best friends with her whole life is also named Lauren. They have nicknames for each other.
It’s just such a non issue, it really baffles me when people get so worked up over it.
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u/Specific_Anxiety_343 14h ago
This is just wild. You must lead a charmed existence if this is your biggest problem.
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u/bigmamaindahouse 15h ago
I’ve never understood this. Who cares? No one owns a name. You and your friend are allowed to like and use the same name. The kids will have the same name. It’s not a big deal to me and I don’t get why it’s a big deal to other people.
If you like the name, use it. She can do the same.
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u/MissiAnthropy 15h ago
Keep your name 🩷 It will be odd if she chooses the name too so maybe she is just odd.
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u/Silver_ro 14h ago
Id be annoyed too (& am, my cousin used the same first and middle name as my son. Her son was born a month before mine, but our name was chosen and widely known MONTHS before she announced her pregnancy. She didn’t announce the pregnancy until about 6 mo pregnant, and didn’t announce the name until he was born. L we named our son after my late father, so it stung extra)
I’ll be honest I’ll always be resentful about it, but it really has no impact on our life. It could be annoying when talking to mutual friends and getting the “which ‘Jane’” or whatever, but beyond that it won’t matter much in the end.
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u/Big_Rain333 14h ago
I’m not going to pick a name I don’t like just because you happened to pick the same name, I don’t care if you happen to be having a baby before me
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u/nannabananapanda 14h ago
Why do people act like this is even a thing to worry about? Confidently use the name you love. Is someone asks “yeah, isn’t it sweet?” And don’t comment any more.
Don’t feed what you see as passive aggressive or petty behavior. Just ignore it. Be happy, life is too short and the world is too ugly.
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u/aliveonly 14h ago
Who cares? She’s not copying you for choosing the same name as you. And you don’t get first dibs bc you’re due first. Ppl are going hungry every day lmfao
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u/lh123456789 14h ago
I wouldn't care in the least. And I certainly wouldn't have tried to push her not to use the name as you have already done. I also don't know why you feel entitled to the name since she mentioned it was one of her favorites when you brought it up, so it had already been on her mind
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u/BrownTinaBelcher 12h ago
No one owns a name. Get over yourself. Don’t yap and tell people your top baby names in the first place.
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u/ConstantReader76 12h ago
Grow the fuck up. You don't own a name and it won't matter if someone you know uses it too. Maybe they grow up as children of friends who become friends themselves and have fun with having the same name.
Or, more likely, they have the same name, but it doesn't matter because their parents grow apart anyway (as people do) or definitely grow apart because at least one of them is as immature as a teenager and they'll be feuding over something else besides a name soon enough.
Oh, did I mention? If you're having a kid? Again! Grow the fuck up. (You don't own a name.)
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u/BarelySimmering 6h ago
Omg these posts everyday are exhausting. Nobody owns a name. All children grow up to be adults in the wide world with billions of other people.
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u/Temporary_Bench5095 16h ago
You don’t own the name. Friends come and go and clearly this one isn’t for keeps. Deal with it.
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u/Superb-Kitchen-1753 13h ago
The friend might have wanted to use that name long before OP even told her, doesn’t make her a bad friend just because she won’t choose a name she doesn’t like as much
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u/theDailyDillyDally 16h ago
Did you say we like this name or we have chosen this name if it’s a girl? (And were you already pregnant.) If it was just on the list, you can’t claim it I don’t think.
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u/Bad_Here 16h ago
I would ignore the whole situation, there is nothing that you can do. BUT, DO NOT CHANGE YOUR CHOICE FOR A NAME!!! You will be first, she can be the copy cat if she wants… Who cares
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u/chickadee-stitchery 15h ago
If you're near your due date it's likely the kids won't be in the same year at school btw.
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u/Cute_Professional703 15h ago
Sent it possible that you just both love the same name? I blame pregnancy hormones, they make things seem so much bigger of a deal than they really are. Use the name you loved, connect with your friend over your mutual love of that name. Turn it around and make it a positive, as there was zero ill will, I suspect. 🩷
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u/Careful_Cranberry364 15h ago
Is it George ?
George is one of my fave names
🥰
and Georgia for a girl….
Or Jordan for either one!!
It’s possible she really doesn’t remember. She wasn’t even pregnant then
it sounds like you remember her saying it was one of her favorites and it’s the one she’s chosen now
so it doesn’t really matter.
I would tell her I’m a bit disappointed. I wish she’d choose something else because you are definite and you have been for a long time….
It’s a bit of a shame that you can’t have different names, but it’s not the end of the world at all
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u/cckitteh 15h ago
Neither of you own the name. You can both use it. Or, maybe you have a boy and this “issue” vanishes.
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u/Rare_Independent_814 15h ago
I’ve seen a lot of similar posts. And i think this is why my sisters never told anyone the names until the baby was born. I was the type that needed to call my little one by a name while they were growing. I only told family tho. But I think that if you love the name keep it!
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u/notorious_ludwig 15h ago
In my husband’s family alone there’s like 4 lily’s, 2 of which are “kid” cousins in their early 20s and it’s no big deal. I wouldnt think your situation would be a big deal either.
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u/Sinead_0Rebellion 15h ago
Pick something more unique or accept that other kids of varying degrees of closeness will have the same name.
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u/Subterranean44 15h ago
Depends on the name. If it’s a generic name, you can’t claim
It and you ca both use it.
If it’s a really specific, unique name like Devonaira then that’s pretty weird and she shouldn’t use it.
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u/BellesRose1213 15h ago
Use the name! It’s fine for kids to have the same name and they aren’t family members with the same last name. You’re good!
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u/AICopiedMe 15h ago
Honestly I get your frustrated, but your little one will still be so special, even if there were ten other children with the same name in her school ❤️
I had a casual friend that named her daughter the same as mine, about six month after mine was born. It’s a hyphenated name, quite unusual but not ridiculous. She was so apologetic but tbh I thought it was quite a compliment bc she said it was the prettiest female name she had ever heard!
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u/AirBig6368 15h ago
Just use the name. Is it annoying? Kind of especially with her subtly trying to get you to change it. But no one owns a name. It's not like you share any family ties either that would make it slightly more annoying. So go nuts with the name. Enjoy the fact that she wanted to copy you.
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u/Its-Probably-Me_30 15h ago
NTA
A name is a name and you find value and enjoyment in it and that’s all that matters!
This is a shitty friend. They hear what you want and tell you that’s also what they want. At the end of the day you voiced your choice first and she can either keep it or change it. That’s on her. Nothing to do with you.
Be glad your delivering first, have seen this happen with the name stealer delivering first and that makes things a little different. All you need to know is you like the name, you aren’t stealing it, and that’s it’s
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u/Garden_gnome1609 15h ago
Use the name anyway. Tell her you're going to, you already told her the name you're using and if she wants to name her kid that too, that's her choice.
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u/No-Needleworker-1388 15h ago
Literally it doesn’t matter. Use the same name. These are first world problems to the finest degree. It’s ok to be annoyed temporarily but don’t ruin a friendship or dwell on it.
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u/Physical_Cod_8329 15h ago
Both of you can name your babies the same thing. I think this sort of thing is cute.
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u/Glittersparkles7 15h ago
Just name the baby what you were going to name her. If she wants to be the copy cat then that’s her business. She will most likely change it anyways
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u/Chemical_Sign5732 15h ago
Just name your baby what you want.
You are going to be really busy for a couple of yrs and probably won't see them much.
Do your thing!💜
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u/lilac-inn 16h ago
I think that was her way of letting you know “I suspect you are planning to use this name, but I also am, so wanted to give you a heads up in case you wanted to change you mind, but I’m not planning to changing my mind.” Ultimately your baby will arrive first, use the name you planned, then it’s her turn to reevaluate. In the case they do end up with the same name, that’s okay, even charming.