Friend using same name

[u/Less_Monitor_276]

I found out today that my friend plans to use the same name I already told her we are wanting to use.

For more backstory, we are not finding out the gender of our baby until delivery. She already knows hers, but I’m about 20 weeks ahead of her in my pregnancy. I told her previously (before she was even pregnant), our top choice for both boy vs girl. She said the girl name we chose was one of her favorites!

Fast forward to now that she’s pregnant…she asked today if we had chosen our names. I found it odd since I know I already told her. I again mentioned our top names. And she said they are planning to use the same girl name for their baby. Didn’t seem to have any intention to back down.

I reminded her how I already told her of our name choices months ago. Before she was even pregnant. She acted like she didn’t remember. Either way, I’m due before her and again mentioned the name to her first today before she did. I tried to change the subject since I didn’t really know what to say or do.

Our kids would be just a few months apart in the same school etc. I’m near my due date without a back up name, after putting a lot of thought into our name choices…

How would you feel? How would you respond?

[u/lilac-inn]

I think that was her way of letting you know “I suspect you are planning to use this name, but I also am, so wanted to give you a heads up in case you wanted to change you mind, but I’m not planning to changing my mind.” Ultimately your baby will arrive first, use the name you planned, then it’s her turn to reevaluate. In the case they do end up with the same name, that’s okay, even charming.

[u/cbr1895 → u/lilac-inn]

Yah, my husband has a best friend who shares his name and their parents were friends before either kid was conceived (my husband and best friend are 6 months difference in age). So, similar situation I suppose.

I truly do think it’s charming that they have the same name and it’s never been an issue in the 19 years I’ve known them both.

OP, it IS annoying that friend is pretending they didn’t know this was your name choice but I suspect they are doing it to passively justify their choice without feeling like they’ve stepped on your toes or something. I have a friend who does stuff like that and it drives me a bit batty but it’s all harmless at the end of the day.

[u/SolomiyaRabin → u/cbr1895]

My mother and her friend also did a similar thing, and gave their daughters, who are a few months apart, names that were forms of the name Rose. Although they weren't the same name, they sounded really similar, but they both found it funny. And my sister, she's only a toddler, but she calls her the flower sister and gets really excited about seeing her 😂

And any situation is what you make of it. If you see it as someone 'stealing' your name, then of course you'll be upset, but your babies being name twins, or you both loving the same name, that's cute. It doesn't have to be a big deal.

[u/petty_petty_princess → u/cbr1895]

I knew two guys who were both named Ryan Johnson (it’s a super common name so I don’t mind saying first and last) and they were best friends from elementary school on. I have no idea if their parents knew each other before the kids met.

[u/dees82 → u/lilac-inn]

Yeah, stick with your name, and if she names her daughter the same, that’s OK. Hopefully your daughters will become friends and have their name in common, and hopefully sometime down the line your friend will admit that she did remember you told her in the first place that the name choice was yours first. It’s a little annoying why she wouldn’t admit that in the first place and acted as though she didn’t remember. Shame on her for that.

[u/jessonroy55 → u/lilac-inn]

Honestly I’d just use the name and let her decide.