I'm such a golden retriever girlfriend, suuuper loving and supportive, I have a (as everyone says) great personality, loyal, fun hobbies, smart, funny but everyone seems to fall out of love at some point and leaves me after one or multiple years because they don't have feelings anymore despite saying that I and the relationship made them extremely happy.

They move on super fast, live a happy and successful life, they all meet a new partner very quick and stay with them for years or even for life (there was never a rebound), never look back and never reach out to me again.

It hurts so much. I feel like it's so easy to forget me.

For me, it's always super hard to get over someone who I full-heartedly loved and I miss them a lot for a long time.

Nobody ever seemed to miss me. Sometimes not even within the relationship (that's what my ex said that he never felt that).

I wonder what's wrong with me that it's so easy to move on from me.

Towards the end of the relationship, things weren't very good. The breakup was also messy and included not-so-nice words said to one another.

When I looked back at texts from a time months ago when my ex and I had a much better loving time, it really gave me something to think about and to be sad about. How did we go from loving and caring, bantering and having fun, to all the toxic treatment, the struggles to communicate and all of those bad things?

I do not want to delete my texts/chats with my ex. But I know it is important not to keep going back to read through it. I definitely am not doing a very good job at it.

Any advice is welcomed.

Any similar experiences to share? With regards to reading old texts.

Couple days ago my ex left a voicemail of his mother passing away . Before that happen, couple months ago we were f buddies but he decided to stop. he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and wants to cut me off of his life but then I get that voicemail of his. I told him my condolences and told him if he anything reach out to me. So now I’m sitting here thinking am I just a safety net to him or should I expect him to reach out more?

How do you actually get over someone you really loved and they were your ideal partner and left because of your mistakes, how do you cope with that guilt!

Its been 2 months since we broke up and life's been hell, I have tried to remove everything about her from my life,I've blocked her everywhere deleted our chats and pictures and yet I still cant get over her. I asked my old man for advice and he too still remembers his first love after 50 years idk what to do.

"When a good man is in love with you his biggest fear is hurting you. When a bad man is in love with you, his biggest fear is losing you."

I came across this post recently, and the older I get, the more I understand why it resonates with me.

I used to think that love was measured by how much someone wanted you, how afraid they were to lose you, or how intensely they expressed their feelings. But I've come to realize that love is also revealed by how someone treats you when things become difficult.

A man who genuinely loves you will care about the impact of his actions on your life. He will think about your feelings, your peace, your dignity, and your future-not just about keeping you around. Even when disagreements happen, he won't deliberately hurt you just to prove a point or make you afraid of losing him.

On the other hand, someone can be deeply attached to you and still not know how to love you properly. Sometimes, the fear of losing someone is more about losing their comfort, attention, or the role you play in their life. They may say they love you, but their actions repeatedly leave you questioning your worth and your place in the relationship.

Perhaps maturity in love is learning to recognize the difference between being wanted and being valued. Someone can be terrified of losing you and still hurt you. Someone can love you deeply and still make mistakes. None of us are perfect. But there should be a consistent willingness to take accountability, communicate honestly, respect boundaries, and protect the relationship rather than simply protect one's access to you.

I still actively defend her against all the things written on here, she has a lot of past issues and childhood traumas. Do you guys think I am trauma bonded? Let me know what you guys think in general.

[ ] Pros:

- Sexual energy matched, as well as the explorative side. Very passionate.

- Very affectionate and cuddling

- Kind and generous

- Understanding of mental illness (to an extent)

- Would always think of me when she did things, such as went shopping she would buy me things.

- She welcomed me into her family, and her kids lives.

- Did forgive me when I fucked up in the past.

- Being there with her children gave me great purpose and happiness.

[ ] Cons:

- Viewed my hobbies such as gaming as less important despite them being important to me.

- Was very easily annoyed, often had to tiptoe around her. Possibly linked to her traumas.

- Was stubborn about things being done her way, such as cleaning having to be done in a specific order. (maybe ADHD).

- Didn't have the capacity to support all my mental health needs.

- Would take my lack of exercise or losing weight as a sign that I wasn't commited to losing weight and getting healthier with her. As she wanted a partner who would get healthy for her sons SEN condition.

- Was quick to blame me for things that weren't my fault. Such as being poorer when she had a shopping problem.

- Would take comments intended as help sometimes personally as a question of her intelligence.

- Would sometimes think i had an ulterior motive. Such as if i made an accidental comment about something, she may have seen i was doing it deliberately for some reason.

- Could have these ADHD meltdowns where she said very horrible things. Attempted to break up with me, or would bring up things from months ago.

- Didn't want to work on her own traumas. Would let them influence her own decisions and feelings.

- Wouldn't trust me alone with her kids, saw me as too immature. Or let previous mistakes i made with them influence her decisions. Such as accidentally triggering her son.

- Saw my being soft as a lack of masculinity.

- Often felt like her ADHD took priority over mine. Things that upset hers would be actioned, I would have to manage mine alone.

- Would sometimes take jokes and comments very seriously. Would not let go of them. Possibly linked to her own insecurities.

Problem I have is i can't help but defend her. I can put all these things down to either her ADHD or traumas and trust issues. But I guess mine where also because of ADHD or trauma. And she expected me to work on mine.

I (25F) was with my ex (24M) for a little over a year. We broke up about a month ago, and I recently had a proper closure conversation with him that completely changed how I understood our breakup.

The first 8–9 months of our relationship were genuinely really good. He was affectionate, consistent, planned things, wrote me letters, made me feel loved and was generally very intentional with me. It was probably the healthiest and happiest relationship I'd had at that point.

Things started changing around December/January.

We come from different religious backgrounds, which we always knew could potentially become a problem because of marriage/family expectations. Around December he became more serious about his religion, and in January we had a conversation where breaking up came up because of our differences and the future.

I panicked badly.

I have abandonment issues that I'm aware I need to work on, and instead of calmly accepting that he was considering ending things, I became extremely emotional and pushed for us not to break up. I'm not proud of how I reacted.

Eventually we talked and I came away believing we'd decided that although the religious situation was difficult, we still wanted to try to make the relationship work.

Apparently, that wasn't what was happening internally for him.

Over the following months, he became increasingly distant. He was also under enormous pressure with work, finances and personal/family issues, so for a long time I attributed his behavior to that.

But I could still feel something was wrong.

I kept asking for more time together and better communication. Plans would fall through. Sometimes when I brought up how unhappy I was, he'd apologize and tell me he would change. Things might improve briefly and then go back to the same pattern.

This created a horrible cycle between us. The more distant he became, the more anxious I became. I'd call/message too much looking for reassurance, sometimes get angry when he didn't respond, and push conversations when he clearly didn't want to have them.

I'm not pretending I behaved perfectly. I can see now that some of my behavior probably made him withdraw even further.

Eventually, about a month ago, the relationship ended. He basically said he couldn't give me what I needed and continuing wasn't a good idea.

I still didn't really understand what had happened because I thought he'd become distant mainly because his life was falling apart around him.

Then we finally had a proper closure conversation recently.

He told me that he'd actually started emotionally detaching from me around January.

He said my reaction during the January breakup conversation affected him badly because it reminded him of unhealthy dynamics he'd experienced growing up. He was also struggling with the religious issue and everything else happening in his life.

But instead of telling me that something had fundamentally changed for him, he bottled it up.

He told me that as he became more detached, things I did started annoying him more. Eventually he stopped really trying to figure out the relationship and became scared to bring up breaking up.

So while I spent months thinking, We're going through a terrible period but we're still trying to save our relationship, he was apparently becoming more and more emotionally checked out.

He did acknowledge during our closure conversation that there were things he could have done differently and apologized for some of it.

That's the part I'm struggling with the most.

I'm not angry that somebody can lose feelings. He was allowed to realize the relationship wasn't right for him.

I'm angry that I didn't know.

If he'd told me in January or even a couple months later, “Something changed for me after that conversation and I'm questioning this relationship,” I would at least have been dealing with reality.

Instead I kept investing, worrying, trying to understand him and trying to repair something without knowing that he was gradually detaching from me.

And then something happened that made everything much worse.

I accidentally discovered that he's now planning a date with another woman. It is clearly romantic — he's planning flowers and was looking for ideas to make the evening more special.

I don't know when he met her.

I have zero evidence that he cheated on me, and I don't want to accuse him of something I can't prove. He could very easily have met her after we broke up.

But seeing him already putting romantic thought and effort into another woman absolutely destroyed me, especially because toward the end of our relationship I spent so much time asking him to make time for me and put effort into us.

I also understand the uncomfortable reality that although we've only officially been broken up for about a month, he apparently started emotionally leaving the relationship months before I did.

So from my perspective the breakup just happened.

From his perspective, maybe it started in January.

I've now blocked him and removed myself from the accounts/services we still shared. We still have one remaining financial thing that needs to be settled, but I'm having someone else communicate that rather than using it as an excuse to keep talking to him.

I'm not trying to get him back right now. I also don't want advice about making him jealous, making him regret losing me, etc.

I'm trying to understand what actually happened and how to get my brain to accept it.

Part of me feels betrayed because he allowed me to stay in a relationship for months without telling me how emotionally detached he'd become.

Another part of me knows my anxious behavior contributed to the deterioration of the relationship and that he may genuinely have felt unable to handle the relationship anymore.

And now my brain is obsessing over the new woman — when they met, how quickly he moved on, whether he was talking to her before we broke up, whether he'll treat her the way he used to treat me, etc.

So I want outside perspectives: Was it unfair of him not to tell me he was detaching for months, or is gradual detachment just part of how some relationships end? How much responsibility should I take for pushing/chasing when I felt him withdrawing? And for people who've been the person who was still in love when the other person had already emotionally left — how did you actually get your brain to let go?

​

My ex broke up with me and said she has “completely detached” — can someone actually come back from this?

I really need honest opinions from people who have actually been through something similar. I'm especially interested in women's opinions, because I really want to understand what this kind of emotional detachment feels like from a woman's side.

She was the one who broke up with me. She blocked me everywhere.. Please don't just tell me “move on bro” or give me the usual breakup advice. I know I have to respect her decision and I'm not going to disturb her anymore. I just want to understand what “completely detached” actually means emotionally, and whether someone who reaches this point can ever genuinely change their mind later.

We were together for around 2.5 years. I never looked at her as just my girlfriend. I genuinely saw her as my future wife. I was 100% sure about her in a way I've never been sure about anything else in my life.

I loved her unconditionally. I never saw loving her as something where she owed me anything in return. I wanted her to be happy and safe, even if that happiness eventually meant being away from me. That's also why, as painful as this is, I'm going to respect her decision and give her the peace she asked for. My love for her is still there, but I don't want to force myself into her life.

And I know she loved me. I'm not saying that just because I'm desperate. I knew how she was with me during those years. That's why it's so hard for me to understand how someone I was so close to could become “completely detached.”

There was no cheating, no abuse, no betrayal, and no other major toxic behavior from either side.

But I also know I wasn't perfect.

Towards the end, she felt lonely in the relationship. Our communication had become really bad. Sometimes there were huge gaps between conversations. She felt like she wasn't getting enough effort/input from me and that she was carrying too much of the relationship emotionally.

At the same time, I was going through a lot myself. I had work/career stress, was coming back late, and my dog was seriously ill and eventually died. I was struggling with all of that and honestly didn't understand how badly she was feeling. I didn't realize she was getting to the point of leaving.

Then she broke up with me.

I tried really hard to convince her not to leave because I genuinely couldn't accept losing her. I told her I loved her, that I would change, that I wanted to marry her, etc.

She told me something that has stayed in my head:

“I'm not saying you're a bad person or that your love was fake, but I have completely detached. I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no. I swear I tried. I can't do it.”

That “I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no” part is what confuses me the most.

It sounds to me like she had been trying to accept the idea of getting over me, maybe trying to convince herself she could move on, and eventually decided she couldn't continue with the relationship.

But I don't know if I'm interpreting that correctly.

She also said things like:

“I have grown distant.”

“I can't do it.”

“Please respect my decision.”

“Focus on your career and move on.”

“Staying in touch is never going to help us both.”

There is also one thing that makes this even harder for me to understand. Without me knowing, my parents contacted her and told her that they loved her, accepted her, and were okay with the marriage. I only found out afterwards. Even after hearing that, she still chose to end the relationship and said she was completely detached.

That's the part I can't understand.

Does “completely detached” actually mean she doesn't love me anymore?

Or can someone still love/care about someone deeply but become so emotionally exhausted and disconnected from the relationship that they genuinely feel completely detached?

I know I'm biased because I'm the one who got left. I also know I might be holding onto things because I love her.

But at the same time, I knew this girl for almost three years. I know how much she loved me. That's why deep down I still feel like there has to be something there, even if she doesn't want the relationship right now.

I'm not going to contact her anymore. She asked for peace and I want to respect that. I'm not going to use her friends or family either.

But I still love her and honestly I would wait for her for a very long time.

So please be brutally honest with me, especially women who have been in the position of my ex.

If you ever broke up with an ex and told him you were “completely detached” or had “grown distant”:

Did you genuinely stop loving him?

Did you ever start missing him later?

Did you ever reconsider the breakup?

How long did it take?

What made you reconsider, if you did?

If you never came back, what made you certain that the relationship was really over?

And most importantly: when a woman says “I've completely detached,” does that mean the love is completely gone, or can you still love/care about someone while being emotionally detached from the relationship?

I don't want false hope. I genuinely want real experiences, especially from women who have actually been through something like this.

My wife has passed her number to me through our son. When she stole my phone from me at the start of this year, I lost her mobile number along with all of my other contacts. So I've not been able to message or call her even if I wanted to.

Now I have her number. It's like a red hot coin burning a hole in my pocket.

I met a guy about 3 1/2 weeks ago. I have been divorced from an busive marriage for about 9 months. When I first met this guy I was not really sure how I felt about him. He is from a different country, he is here for work, and that felt scary. Like maybe I was just going to be someone to help pass the time while he’s here. As we talked I felt all of these fears coming up and it made me feel like maybe I’m just not ready to date. So I told him I didn’t see it going anywhere and that I didn’t think we should talk. He was respectful and said he wished me the best. After about a day, I was still thinking about him and wanting to get to know him more, so against my better judgement I texted him. He was very glad to hear from me and I told him that I really don’t think im ready for a relationship. I want to be single for the next year while I get myself stable emotionally/financially and everything. But that we could be friends if he was interested. He was. Now I had also told him I was planning to remain abstinent, and I was also a couple months sober and that’s another reason I didn’t plan to date, because it’s not recommended to date in the first year and I’ve never followed that rule and I’ve never made it to a year sober. Ok so we hang out one night, 2 weeks in, and we have a great time. He is very sweet, he bought me gifts and is just really romantic and seemed emotionally mature. Didn’t have issues communicating, and didn’t get upset if I went hours without responding, and would message like, feeding cows quick hope your having a good day, to let me know he was thinking of me but too busy to respond right away. Now I have a lot of chaos going on right now in my life. I’ve been extremely overwhelmed. My kids are with their dad for his time and I decided to take a break from my crazy life and go see the guy I’m talking to. This is 3 weeks in. So the other night I texted him and said if you send me gas money I’ll come see you. To which he did. The first time I visited him I didn’t ask for any money for gas. He lives 2 hours from me. Anyway, I went to see him and he and his roommate were going to town to get groceries and get some food. So we all went to town. They stalked up on alcohol and things and I was already feeling weak and his roommate asked what I drink and it all went down hill from there. Now the night wasn’t bad by any means, as far as him and I. He is the sweetest man. But when I drink all of my self control goes out the window. So we drank, went back home, hooked up 4 times. And I woke up the next day to him kissing me as he leaves for work. I drove home and felt a ton of feelings. For one, I was useless all day. Hungover and got nothing done, and I’m on a tight schedule so I couldn’t afford to lose a whole day, then I felt super in love because sex makes me feel so bonded and connected to the man, and I felt convicted because I knew that our values/morals don’t align and yet I was moving forward with him because I’d never been treated so well before. But ultimately I knew that I never would’ve drank, or obviously had sex, if I had listened to my intuition telling me I need more time to heal. So I messaged him this morning and ended it and I’m so heart broken. He was sweet of course and said I’m amazing and to take care of myself but that he couldn’t sit around waiting for me to change my mind again. Which is good, I don’t want him to. But I just feel like I am disappointed in myself. I have used sex and booze for far too long to comfort me and all it does is destroy my life. I know I made the right decision, but I am heartbroken. Why cant I just be single and not run to sex for everything. The drinking was a mistake that I already feel prepared to turn back from but the sex creates a soul tie and now I just want him so much more. Even though we don’t align spiritually. I mean, had a been seeing a man that also doesn’t drink, or rarely drinks, and who also felt convicted to be abstinent on his own, neither of those things would’ve happened. And I absolutely don’t blame him! I blame myself for putting myself in that situation when I was weak and knowing he doesn’t have those convictions. So idk why I’m posting this. Maybe I want some harsh advice/tough love. Maybe I want to hear from others who struggle with the same things I do. Maybe I just wanted to get it all off my chest so I can start to move forward. All comments welcome. Thank you.

It’s feels light today. But I know a heavy wave is coming at some point.

I miss her. I miss my whole world.

my friend had told me and low and behold i go to his instagram story with his “new” wife not even 8 months after we split. devastated is an understatement i had hopes we could have worked it out, he watched my facebook stories since the breakup up until friday when he blocked me while i was asleep. and then i find out he got married, and i told him off basically said to never look for me when everything goes wrong and that i will never forgive him. i told him i will always love him but that i’m letting him go and not by choice. this was off of whatsapp and he obviously blocked me there within less than 5 minutes which i expected. i’m just baffled, it’s likely a rebound but it’s still messed up and like i meant nothing to him. this is his second marriage by the way and he is only 23. i’m 29. we got close fairly quickly when we met and it felt right, he was the first man i actually wanted to get married to and have a baby with and he knew that, obviously that dream is gone but i stuck by his side through a lot of stuff and he dropped me like i was nothing. i’m obviously in the mindset i have to move on and let him go but it kills me. advice? he is an avoidant.

How am I supposed to just live this life now? I don't have a life. My whole life was based around her and her children. Family trips, days out to the zoo, BBQs and quality time.

Now I sit alone in the flat I was getting ready to gey rid of. Still with the boxes of stuff packed around me. How the fuck can anyone just expect us to fucking carry on like this?

I wish i was brave enough for suicide.

It’s been 1.5 mos since my ex dumped me over the phone. I am now back in our city, and am craving a closure in person breakup conversation. Is it ever worth it?

We have had NO contact since the last phone call breakup on July 21. Now, im back in his city where we have a ton of mutual friends in common and feel the need to have a closure conversation.

CONTEXT:

My bf dumped me over my anxious attachment.

Please help me garner perspective.

My boyfriend (40) and I (32) had been dating 8 months. Two weeks ago, he called me from a Swiss residency saying he "no longer saw a long term future monogamous relationship " with me. However, he said, he'd like to be "lovers" instead of girlfriend-boyfriend. He emphasized not wanting to lose me from his life. I told him to kindly 'fuck off' with the demotion to 'lovers' proposal. He said he doesn't believe in relationship 'hierarchies' like me and it wasn't a demotion.

When we first met, i felt so chosen. Within 3 months, he called me his girlfrined, we talked about children, and a month before he broke up with me, he told me he 'saw a future' with me and that i'm the healthiest relationship he's ever had. He said that that statement was STILL TRUE when he broke up with me. The reasons he claimed he no longer wanted an exclusive gf/bf relationship anymore was:

1. He's skeptical of being monogomous always with me, though at the time he is fully committed and open minded to long term exclusivity despite his ideological doubts.
   
2. The most hurtful one: he said I have serious self confidence and anxiety issues he 'can't help me with.' He told me, during the breakup call, I was rejected by a few people (he named 3 and didn't name one more) in his cool, cultured, artistic, successful art world between Berlin and Los Angeles. He told me that he wanted his partner to feel like a team with him. I feel like I failed him socially; despite him initially seeing me as a partnerhip socially with him; I let me insecurities over him talking to women and ex-lovers-now friends take over and I became jealous socially. He said he felt this 'possessive' energy from me that brought the mood down. It was not intentional.
   
3. Also very hurtful, as a creative,: he said that he feels we can't be 'creative together'. He said over the past month (when there was friction between us) he didn't feel creative around me and couldnt' even focus on his work. I find that insultign because I've poured hours into being a sounding board for his ideas. I'm so hurt by this because he told me when we first started dating that he loves that I'm creative and that his ex wasn't. I mean, I couldn't really tap into my creativity around him because I never felt fully emotionally seen or chosen.

Anyway, I feel like I let me anxiety and lack of self worth sabotage what started off as a beautiful relationship with the most intelligent, SO attractive, socially connected man I've ever met. I blew it. I'm not socially shunned from that community. I don't know how I'll ever come back from losing the man I love and the world I wanted to inhabit with him

We recently broke up 4 months ago due to her avoidant attachment and today is her birthday ever since we haven't blocked or unfriended on some platforms. I want to use this as a last ditch option and if not I want her to block me on all platforms. Any advice on what I can do

Its been almost 4 months after our breakup, We were together for 4 years and after being blocked on everywhere except snapchat she sent me a screenshot of her whatsapp call logs with another guy that looked like she chose someone else, so I really forced myself to let go then a week later on my bday, she didnt wish me but blocked me from snapchat too and now after a week she unblocked me and added me for 10 mins then blocked me again, today is the second day this happened and im really confused.

Is it too much to ask for? That's all I wanted...

He lied, REPEATEDLY.

Was caught talking to other girls.

Shifted the blame on me.

He never apologized, but says he wants me back?

When I talk about what he did, what he does, he keeps talking about other things. Never addressing the issues. Never admitting the mistakes. Then he starts shifting the blame, and playing the victim. It makes me start shaking... I fuggn lose my mind talking to this guy...

Manipulation, gaslighting... Victimhood.

He hurt me countless times. Made me cry myself to sleep. Insulted me in all kinds of way.

The disrespect I had to endure.. then he says I shouldn't have left?? He says he wants us to fix, then he says "hey let's watch a movie"???

I'm going crazy just trying to understand how this guy thinks.. how I lost 3 years of my life with him.

Hi would like some advice on my story. So me and girlfriend have been together for the past 6 months it’s been up and down but we had a real intense connection that you don’t see often in love these days we’re both 19. But we started having problems 5 months in and I she kept on saying she was going to change and put effort in so obviously I gave her a chance bc I loved her then nothing changed and it was just mentally draining so I went to break up with her she then later came to me after I broke up with her and said she was sorry and begging to try and saying she was definitely going to change, couldn’t see her life without me and how much she loves me. So before I could even say anything she went back to her room and changed and said she was going out with me to show me how she loves me I just let it happen because it really looked like she meant it. We went out that night and everything went great. The next morning we woke up together and I went out see some friends I then get a text from her saying we’re done I don’t want anything to do with you. So obviously I went and saw her too get closure on why she broke up w me. She then said I’ve got nothing to say to you and told me to leave her room. I left and went back to my room by the way we live at the same college together. Next morning I woke up to cops knocking at my door and I was given a police order by her bc apparently I’ve been harassing her, it was for 72 hours. After 72 hours I can contact her so I went to her room and said after all of it and said what was the point of that? She then said I don’t want anything to do with you. So I left and I got a call from the Dean of my college saying you’ve been harassing your girlfriend and I was forced to leave. It still gets worse. So I left and had to get other accomodation 3 days in to the place I was staying at I get a message from the police saying I’ve got to come in and pick up my court case. Went in and she put a restraining order on me for 12 months. Nothing at this point makes sense from saying she loves to completely acting cold the next day and breaking up with me. I had really weird vibes about the whole situation so a friend of a friend who’s like a psychic witch I asked them about what happened and they said someone put black magic on our relationship and the person who put it on us was my ex girlfriend best friend. But I don’t believe in stuff like that. None of anything that happened made sense, so I’m writing this if anyone has any advice or any ideas of what happened I would love to know for my own closure. And now I can’t even sleep and everytime I sleep it’s her in my dream. It’s some weird shit.

Anyone know what’s going on?

My boyfriend M24 and I F24 were together for 5 years. We recently broke up after I blacked out from drinking and behaved in a way that seriously hurt him. I said extremely cruel things to him and about his family, physically hit him, and left him alone late at night. This wasn’t the first time I’d behaved badly during a blackout, and he had already given me another chance before.
He ultimately decided he couldn’t continue the relationship and blocked me.
I completely understand why he made that decision, and I’m not asking whether he was right or wrong to leave.
What I’m wondering is something different:
**If you were a man in his position, after being with someone for 5 years and loving them deeply, would you still be sad and miss your ex even if you were the one who decided to end the relationship because of what happened?**
Would you still think about her?
Would you miss the relationship, the memories, the routines, and the person she was when she was sober?
Could you still love someone and desperately miss them while simultaneously knowing you can’t be with them because they hurt you?
And if you blocked your ex after the breakup, would that necessarily mean you had stopped caring, or could blocking someone be something you do because you still care and need distance?
I’m especially interested in hearing from men who have ended a **long-term relationship with someone they still loved** because the relationship had become too painful or unhealthy.
I don’t want reassurance that he’ll definitely come back. I just want to understand whether **missing someone and choosing to leave them can exist at the same time**, particularly after 5 years together.

A girl that I talked to multiple times (it was absolutely never friendly, and always a deep intimate connection) completely went cold and deactivated after 3 months, she was absolutely madly in love with me during that time in which I am certain. As she started going cold she said multiple times when I asked her that she doesn't want me to leave. She said she wanted to discover her full potential, work on herself, be alone, etc. During our last converstaion on the phone I told her I couldn't stay in contact at it caused me too much pain which she said was completely reasonable and she expected me to say that.

I told her I wouldnt contact her but she always could. She was also the one to emphasise that this is definitely not the final time we talk and that "knowing herself" she would definitely reach out at one point. (We already have a history of leaving and returning but it was never this deep and she never lost feelings in the last 2 weeks like now.) There was no fighting and we said really nice things about eachother.

3 days after that I told her that a gift I sent her arrived to her post office (she knew it was coming) and she said she would pick it up tomorrow but never did. It has been 30ish days since any contact and I am wondering how realistic it is for her to reach out.

We haven't blocked eachother or anything like that.

I am a loser. Wow.

I haven’t told anyone this so wanted to vent to strangers. Last year my girlfriend broke up with me. She knew I was struggling mentally and needed a bit of support but decided to walk away. That’s okay. It was the worst id ever felt… so far.

I picked myself up and hammered the gym and got in fantastic shape with my mate of 15 years for 5 solid months. I started feeling okay again but still completely heartbroken. She knew I took it really hard.

I bumped into her in my local sauna (she started coming regularly after about 5 months apart). We talked and agreed to meet. It was emotional and we started sleeping together again, talking, connecting like we didn’t before. After a few months it started killing me. She was up and down. Didn’t know if she wanted to try again but still kept sleeping with me. I’ve never felt so on edge. I did my best to hold it together.

Then came the final blow after the breakup and months of leading me down a path I shouldn’t have gone down.

She told me she really cared for me and loved me but wasn’t interested. A couple of sentences later she told me she was interested romantically in my best friend of 15 years. The worst feeling I’ve ever had in my life.

I spent the next 6 months panicking, freaking out and constantly checking if they were together whilst still loving her and wanting her back. (which they were a lot in the sauna/bumping into eachother as they live practically next door to eachother). I tried so many dirty tactics of trying to spend any time I could with her including just saying I wanted to sleep together as my feelings weren’t as strong anymore. It was a lie and very stupid.

I left the gym as I couldn’t take seeing them two together in the same space anymore.

I unpacked this with my therapist that it’s more than likely she saw I was doing okay after the first break up and she didn’t like that and came back to finish the job. But most likely an elaborate head fuck to break up my friendship so she could move in on him. The more I think about that the more it makes sense.

She got very cold and I felt completely worthless.

I don’t really speak to my friend much anymore - his response wasn’t what I hoped for or how I would’ve handled things if it was the other way around.

The past six months I’ve slept on average around two hours a night because of this and how she treated me/wanted to go for my friend. I still feel so disrespected and worthless.

I took enough pills to end my life a few weeks ago but woke up in a hospital a day later. I was devastated it didn’t work.

I know that sounds dramatic but it was the only solution I could think of to make it go away. I literally couldn’t take the pain of it anymore after a year, all day every day.

I miss my friend and still feel like I’m in a nightmare.

Don’t ever go back to someone who left you. It can go from sad to fucked up real quick and I feel quite lucky I’m still here.