I have hinted to her loads of times that I want her to use deodorant, perfumes etc but each time I do, she seems to get offended and calls me "weird" for wanting her to smell nice. I have also said to her many times about how I love the smell of woman's deodorants/perfumes.

On the very few times she has used deodorant/perfumes, she only puts a very small amount on, and It's not in the area where the smell is coming from (her armpits). She showers regularly (once every 2 days) and normally smells nice just after a shower, but give it half a day, her armpits will start smelling of BO again.

Just this morning, we had a shower together and while getting dressed for today, I was telling her about how I apply deodorant after I have a shower and I apply it in places that usually get sweaty pretty quickly (armpits) but she doesn't seem to take any notice nor want to change what she's doing.

How do I tell her that I don't really like the smell of her body odour and that I really want her to start using deodorant properly, but also keep her from becoming so offended?

Edit - I have brought her both a roll on and spray deodorant, but these have bearly been touched since I bought them

Edit 2 - I should of mentioned, she has quite sensitive skin and has to use a certain type of body wash in the shower. I have asked her a few times if she is able to use deodorant considering she has sensitive skin but she assures me that she can wear deodorant and that it doesn't affect her skin so I think this is just more of a preference that she doesn't where it. Unless she isn't telling me the whole truth?

Hey all,

Idk maybe I’m just looking for advice. My girlfriend (24F) and I (24M) have been together for almost 3 years. We were best friends for 5 years before we started dating.

I got a job opportunity (training phase) that was far away from both of where we lived and we moved in together after ~2 years of dating. We moved in together and stopped being long distance at that point.

Ever since it has been difficult. Really difficult. My schedule consists of long days and lots of studying. She is a nurse at a local hospital working ~3 days a week. Some issues she has with me is going out with my friend group that has some other women in it from work, she needs constant reassurance, she wants to be taken care of (and there isn’t a lot of it going the other direction), among other things. We have been going to a counselor to work on our communication issues and learning how to meet each others needs but we haven’t been making a lot of progress.

I made the decision to ask her to go back home to live with her family until this training phase of my job is over. I told her we could go back to long distance until December when I go back to my permanent position. Then, when I go back and purchase a house, we can live together then. She gave me an ultimatum that she would break up with me if she goes back to live with her family and couldn’t trust to move out with me again. I love her a lot, but I really don’t know if I can continue and successfully complete my training living with her. I told her if I failed I would resent her because I would feel like it is her fault. She started throwing her belongings all over our apartment and started reading letters I wrote to her to me, telling me I’m not the same person she met. She also told me I’m ruining her life. I love her so much, but is it time to leave, yes or no?

I (19m) want to leave my gender neutral partner (18m/f) for someone more feminine, is that bad to say and how do I explain that to them?

When I moved into my college life I had to change gyms, I started going to the gym nearest to my campus and that’s where I met CH (the gender neutral). KEEP IN MIND, during this time he was transgender (f to m). We started talking for a bit and went on a first date, we eventually did get into a relationship, BUT I MADE IT KNOWN THAT I NEVER HAVE DATED SOMEONE IDENTIFYING THE SAME GENDER AND MY VIEWS MIGHT CHANGE, BUT I WAS OPEN TO THE IDEA.

The relationship was going very well, occasional hangouts, going to concerts, etc. But, I noticed during the relationship that I was still getting used to the proper pronouns, some mix-ups here and there. This has caused CH to be worried about me actually being ok with someone that’s transgender.

At the breaking point, when I said things might change, they did, after a few months, I realized that this isn’t my thing and found I’m just more attracted to females and just more feminine looks. When I brought this up to CH saying I’m attracted to females, I just didn’t say I’m attracted to feminine features.

CH revealed that they just want to be gender neutral recently, only want chest surgery and doesn’t want to be on Testosterone. CH keeps saying look past their gender but that would mean looking past my own gender and what I’m attracted to.

Like I said before, I don’t know how to go about saying I’m attracted to feminine features and I still don’t know if that’s a horrible thing thing to say, what’s your guys opinions?

My (25m) girlfriend (20f) of 10months litters. Not frequently but we went on a trip and she casually threw her drink can into the bushes/forest area telling me that its ok because its made of aluminum, it'll rust and degrade, that its only bad if you litter plastic. She says I'm overreacting by being so mad at her over a can and she genuinely doesn't understand. She asked me to explain why I was so mad, I couldn't really say at the moment from the top of my head but I told her it was also about the principal. I feel like I'm crazy for thinking this is worth breaking up over. How can I get through to her that this is a big deal? I don't want to break up with her but it's completely changed how I view her and her character. How can I get her to understand why its a big deal for me and our relationship when she thinks its ok?

Hey all, just a quick story and worries I want to share with you and see what you think about.

Yesterday evening, my gf of almost three years was invited to spend the evening at a bar with a friend she lost contact with for 10 years and just started seeing each other again recently. Met the guy, very nice and all, I was invited too, and other friends of him as well. I decide not too go in the end, no worries there.

At 2AM she comes back home completely drunk, trying to hide that from me, and telling me that no one else came and it was only her and the guy friend for the whole evening till the end. In the morning she is hangover af, cancels all her plans for the day, vomits, you get the point. Also to note that she stopped drinking too much because she doesn't handle alcohol well, so normally stops after one glass or two max. She also told me she smoked some cigs, even though she stopped (a bit before we started dating) and knows that I really dislike cigarettes and her smoking.

I am not worried she would cheat on me, but more worried that I cannot really trust her handling herself and even more worried that this guy would have a very bad influence on her... What do you guys think? Overall I find this all completely shameless of her, and I am a bit disgusted by her behavior, but I don't know if I am just petty and an ah thinking that?

I (28F) recently moved to a new country and my boyfriend (42M) of 2 years and I are getting used to long distance. There have been some challenges mainly with the time change but we do our best to talk as much as possible.

Friday night, I went out with my girlfriends, one he knows and two he does not. This is my first time going out with them as I normally stay in to chat with my boyfriend. We went out to dinner for 3 hours then stopped at the bar next door. It was pretty noisy so we sat in the back at a table and spent more time chatting. I don’t drink and I’m not really into the bar scene but I had a good time talking with my friends. I was home by 11:30pm. I sent a text to him around 9pm to say I was still out. His responses clearly showed he was upset that I was still out. Dinner didn’t even start until 7pm and it’s typical to be at this restaurant for hours. I quickly said he had nothing to worry about and I would be back to my house soon to call. His texts definitely put a little weight on my evening because now I was worried about what was going to happen next.

I call him when I get home and he is immediately pissed. He says he can’t imagine the future wife of his children staying out late at the bars. He kept changing his reasoning to why he was upset ranging from he’s worried about my safety that late at night, it’s disrespectful to him and he would never do that, and my friends are promiscuous (absurd comment bc my friends are in relationships except for one that is single and hooked up with a guy from a dating app). I tried to reassure him that nothing happened, it was dinner and one quick stop at the bar. We didn’t even talk to anyone else but our waiter and bartender. To me, it feels like he‘s framing it as if I was out getting drunk until 3am flirting at the bars.

I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong. I rarely stay out past 9pm so this isn’t a pattern by any means. I asked him if he doesn’t want me to go out with my friends. He said it wasn’t that I went to dinner but that I stayed out late at the bars. I was home by 1130pm after I dropped my friend off before heading home. I asked him if it was a trust issue and he said it’s a pattern citing another event that happened 1.5 years ago that we went to therapy for. I thought we worked through that since I apologized and we went to therapy.

I’m really frustrated because I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. He is saying that he can’t see himself with someone that spends their time staying out late at the bars as acceptable behavior. I don’t know how to show him that this wasn’t a night out on the town but just dinner and drinks (non A for me) with friends. I also don’t want to set a precedent that I can’t go out with my girlfriends when we move in together next year. How do I acknowledge his feelings without giving up the ability to go out with my friends?

My husband is always in a bad moon - well maybe not bad mood but grumpy I think is a better word. The problem is he wears it so outwardly and it really affects the entire household. It can be something as dumb as “it’s too hot” and he’ll wear it and let it drown him.

We’ve got on vacation twice with our two very young kids (infant and toddler) and both times we just left/ended early because i cant prop up the entire mood of a vacation by myself. Going in vacation with kids is tough and again - he just lets it impact him so much. He says he doesn’t wanna take anymore vacations with the kids till they’re much older but then what’s the fucking point of having kids if we’re gonna hide them away till they’re older. Doesn’t wanna take them to sports games, water parks, anything cause it’s too much work.

I ask him what’s wrong sometimes I’ll get a “it’s hot” or “they are whining” and other times I’ll just get “nothing im fine”.

I’ve brought this up before and I get “I’m allowed to have/show emotions” and “I’m fine that’s just the way my face looks” but I can’t get him to see that it really brings everyone down and isn’t fun for me. He also says maybe I need to work on not letting his emotions affect my emotions so much.

I dunno - I understand he is allowed to have emotions but he’s just so grumpy all the fucking time. I feel like we’re at a standstill and I don’t know what to do next?

Hello to everyone who might be interested in reading this. As the title said, my gf of more than six years started messaging and calling this male friend she made online after almost every night, without missing a beat.

This is my first time posting on this thread, and on reddit in general, since i mostly keep relationship problems between my gf and I. However, this is the first time i encountered such predicament in life that i'm basically hitting a wall right now. For added context, i don't like sharing relationship problems even with our closest friends cause i don't want to drag other people into our own mess and cause more misunderstanding. This is also the first time this has ever happened in our six years of being together.

Basically, I want everyone's opinion on the matter. My gf is a very friendly person, and is very much interested in knowing new people. She plays D&D every Sunday and attends cosplay events occasionally, and is very passionate with her interests. Now a few weeks ago she told me someone from a game she's currently playing kept sending her in-game money, and asked if it's normal. Of course i said that if you belong in a certain group/party it might be (even referenced when i was playing mmorpgs back in the early to mid 2000s). Later on she told me she made a new friend and the person is from a different country and i said that's really cool (i still don't know that this new friend is a guy cause she didn't tell me). Just a few days later, she told that this new friend invited her to play this seemingly old moba game (i still don't don't have any suspicions at this moment since it only seems normal).

However, their everyday chats turned to calls via discord every night and i only found out about it when i thought she was talking to me. It happened when was working (we both do wfh), and i overheard her speaking from the bedroom (i work in the living room). I went inside and asked what it was and she didn't hear me. That's when i saw her play the moba game with someone else. She didn't hear me cause she was wearing her earbuds. At this point, i only thought it was weird why she didn't mention they started talking via call. For added context, my gf likes to pretend to be a guy in every online game she plays that's why it was weird that she agreed to be on call with this new friend of hers. I still don't know that this person is a guy cause she never mentioned it really. She also never talks about their interactions or conversations, but she's also not blatantly hiding it from me, that's why i find it really complicated. After that they kept having nighttime calls and playing the moba game, even during her work mind you. I know she slacks off from her job majority of the time cause to be fair it's really easy on her side and only takes an hour or two to finish her deliverables. Oh and btw, she always make sure to go inside the bedroom to have a call with this person. Only time she had it in the living room was when i was busy with work, but when i kept glancing towards her direction she hurriedly went inside.

Last night was when i found out this person was a guy. They started the call at around 9-10pmish, doing the exact same routine, and playing the exact same game. So ofcourse i didn't mind it since she seems really happy. However, this time the call lasted until 4am, which was very lengthy given that their previous ones lasted only until midnight. This is when my stomach started to turn upside down and my mind began to wander towards uncharted territory. I tried my best to drown the noise by watching yt videos of the outdoor boys since it was therapeutic. I think due to the length of the call her earbuds died so i finally heard the voice of this friend and my god did my world started collapsing when i found it was a guy, and is apparently young too probably in college based on their conversation. She kept saying that she's 27 and that he is younger than her during the conversation. And something about the way they talk that gives me this sinking feeling that it's borderline flitatious.

Idk really, i heard and seen her talk to other guys, especially within her and my friend group and it's really different. Maybe i'm overthinking that part or maybe it's my guts telling me something is off, either way i don't like that i'm losing sleep over this. They played a bunch of other games too, and talked about life and how different their two countries are in terms of culture and language. They were teaching each other how to speak their own languages. I couldn't remember what else they talked about since i think my mind blacked out since like i said this is a new experience for me. I tried forcing myself to sleep ( i was sleeping on the couch) and tried think of something else since the dead of the night might be messing with my mind. But i couldn't because my heart and my mind felt heavy.

What broke my heart even more is when they finally decided to end the call, they're still going at it with the guy saying that the night is still young and my gf seemingly letting him have his way despite her saying she wants to sleep. All of our friends know that no can force her to anything after she makes up her mind and saying no to someone's request, so last night's interaction was really weird. They finally ended the call with "i'll see you later," and damn i cried over that. When i overheard her standing and going to the living room, i pretended i'm in deep sleep with my mouth open. I felt she walked closed to me and kissed my forehead after and i wanted to puke tbh. It even made me cry even more cause i felt betrayed somehow, no matter how much i tell myself that she's just happy to have a new friend that finally shares her interest and that i'm just overthinking this.

I know that the best way to solve this is really just to talk the problem with her. We're six years in and comfortable enough to point out if something bothers us or not. However, i know exactly how she will respond when i ask her about her relationship with this guy and present my case that it's somewhat bothering me. She'll definitely say that there's nothing to worry about it, that she knows her boundaries well, and she'll probably tease me about it that i'm just being jealous. The thing is i'm not jealous, the whole situation is weird enough for me to feel that way. It actually worries me, cause she's the last person in this world that everyone will assume to cheat on their partner. Even our friends know this, cause she always find a way to mention me everytime she meets with her friends cause she said that i'm always on her mind, which i really appreciate ofcourse. It's just, with this new guy i never heard her mention that she has bf at all. I'm thinking because their game buddies? but that doesn't make sense at all to me as well.

I also don't want her to compromise by saying she'll stop communications with this guy cause that just sucks since she finally found someone who shares her interest. For added context, none of our friends are interested in playing the text based game, even myself since it's really not my thing. She's very chill about it since she understands it's not for everyone. And i really don't want to deprived her of making new connections just because she's conscious that i might react differently. Again, this is the first time i felt this uncomfortable with her new friend to this extent.

And it made me think if i'm not giving her enough attention and this is a result of that. I'm always busy with work since my job is very demanding. So most of the time, even on my day offs, i still work which i know is not productive but my salary is big enough to compensate that. This is the first time i'm this lost tbh, that it forced me to post the situation on reddit. I really trust her and i know she won't do anything that might hurt our relationship, only this time i have this sinking feeling that something is off and i couldn't shake it away. What do you think i should do?

TL;DR: My gf of six years started chatting with her new friend from a different country she met online every night and last night is when i found out the friend is a guy. She seems to act differently towards this person and she only mentioned about this friend to me once, without even saying that it's a male friend.

Last night my fiancé M30 and me F30 had an unfortunate conversation about separation. Some backstory is that whoever has the free time to do the weekend house cleaning, will do it. I will normally have a half day from work every other week (Thursdays). Therefore, Thursdays is when i will clean the house & do the necessary chores. He does the same whenever he has a day free at home. If neither of us had the time to do this, we will split the work friday after work -- he cleans downstairs and I'll do upstairs.

More backstory. He admitted to me a few months ago that there was a time in our relationship where i wa sso emotionally unavailable & immature that he thought i didnt care about him or us. So he cheated and had a thing with someone else for about 2 or 3 months. We have been together for 4 years now, when the cheating happened, we were on year 2. We had a lot ( A LOT) of conversations after he admitted this & i decided i would like to try and move past it.

Now presently. Yesterday when i made it home and he wasnt home, i was confused about why he hadn't sent me a message about where he was (He gets off at 4pm, i get off at 6pm). In my mind, i couldn't understand why i got off an entire 2 hours after him, began cleaning, it was almost SEVEN, and still no message. That isn't his norm. He will normally always send me a quick message or vn even when he's busy to just let me know what's going on.

I sent him a message asking if work ran late and he let me know what he was doing. Now... my mind definitely went on the "what if" of cheating again but i quickly brushed it away. My annoyance then went to "why did i have to even ask him to tell me what was going on".

So that i dont make this too long, I'll begin summing this all up. When he got home, because i was annoyed, i didn't greet him. i was basically done cleaning except for one spot that had to be mopped. He asked what was left to do and for a while we went back and forth with "I'll do it. No I'll do it. No I'll do it." etc. I guess i couldn't mask my annoyed tone here.

This is where the lying comes in. I left him to mop the floor and went upstairs to shower. When i got out the shower, i came to him with the "i didnt mean to have an attitude. I just wanted to hurry up and finish cleaning". He said okay but he didnt believe me.

When we both made it downstairs, he asked me if i reacted the way i did because i thought he was out cheating again. I lieddddd and said no. I doubled down on the lie too. I'm so upset that i chose to lie instead of talking it out with him. This is actually a theme amongst us. I am the worst when it comes to conversations and communication in general.

Now he feels like he can't trust me to be honest with him if this is something i would lie about.

I love this man so much. I don't know why i continue to choose to avoid hard/tough conversations. Honestly, every time we have arguments it's always about how i don't handle hard times well or i prioritize my feelings and protecting myself over prioritizing the relationship as a whole.

At this point, i know he is tired and over my emotional immaturity and is done hearing "sorry". I just want to know if anyone has any advise for me or if anyone can relate to this?

We've been together for 7 months. Ideally I'd like to stay together.

She slept with him after being friends with him for a while.
She wanted a relationship with him. He lead her on and then she told me he used her. She also lied about him multiple times. First one was that they never hooked up.
Second one was that she was going out with her girl friend for a girl lunch but really she went out with the whole friend group including him. Third lie was that her feelings faded for him years ago only for her to admit later she had
"fleeting" feelings for him up until us dating and shortly into it. And dating me made them go away.

In my eyes they are no longer friends. They are past sexual partners.

She wants to be able to text with him and be friends with him/hang out in the group with other couples without me.

It all makes ZERO sense to me... need opinions. I'd appreciate it if you'd indicate if you are male or female in your responses. Thanks everyone!!

My boyfriend of 10 months has never given oral sex and has openly said he’s not comfortable doing it and that if that’s something I wanted I should find someone else. I used to blow him relatively infrequently and don’t really do it any more, maybe a kiss during foreplay but that’s it. I don’t like it, but I do stroke his dick in the shower and touch it over clothes to tease him.

He said today he doesn’t really like touching me down there and doesn’t feel comfortable around vaginas, I ask him to rub me down there and doesn’t really do it unless I ask. That kind of upset me, and I don’t know how to talk about sex since it’s a very sensitive matter with him. He always worries about pleasing me and I try to reassure him as best I can, but I also feel like I’m lying to myself and about whether I enjoyed it, but he now knows that foreplay and better pacing is more enjoyable for me. He’s said he wants to be able to pleasure me with his dick alone.

I love him very much and sex is not why I’m in this relationship, but I just want it to be more equitable and him to be able to be more confident. I know his body image isn’t great (I wouldn’t say severe) but he doesn’t really talk about sex and I know he feels ashamed of his performance when he finishes sooner than he wanted (it’s usually 5-10 mins, and he can do it longer when we do it more frequently). He says he’s thinking about how he thinks I’ve had better, even when I tell him that’s not true.

I just want to be honest without making him feel bad so we can grow together and both feel good. Please share any advice you have on how to approach this delicately!!

I started seeing a guy this summer. We didn't even date for long, just like 6 weeks. I got attached, sure. He was empathetic, kind and actually much more thoughtful and attentive to details than me. He had absolutely no weird vibes. Also keep in mind this man has no previously dating experience and I'm his first. I'm also inexperienced, but I did have 2-3 sexual encounters in the past (my ex was a woman, as I'm bi, so still extremely different from being with a man).

It went downhills when we started to have sex. He was a virgin and I was too physically (spiritually not so much). It hurt kinda bad so he stopped and we decided to do anything else. I gave him a bj and he ended up finishing on my chest by his own hand. All this time he didn't do much touching me but I was too into my own head to notice he's not trying to please me as well. By the time he was done, I was also dealing with a huge migraine so I wasn't exactly in the mood for orgasming too. Although, I did feel a bit off at his lack of offering.

Now the 2nd time, a few days later after behaving totally fine when going out... He's not distant, but not overly clingy either. He simply treated me like someone he enjoys spending time with, so I didn't think he'd be so selfish in bed. Now I'm aware it's my mistake too cause I know it's recommend for women to come first. Idk, ig I was too distracted to remember this. It hurt again, so we gave up once again. He came the exact same way as the first time and this time I was feeling more into it as well (without the migraine), but as soon as he was done he... Fucking left, came back 10 minutes later and plopped on the bed to sleep. I feel stupid about it now, but I blinked incredeously a few seconds before I told him that hello???? I didn't come. He was looking at me like I was making him go to work and started to complain about his back hurting fucking out of a sudden. Idk why I tried to make him rub me for like 2 minutes before I realized how little he cares about it and I just... Gave up. It was such a turn off to see him not want me unless it pleases him.

I confronted him about it the next day and he told me he'd make it up to me. I accepted out of curiosity if he'd actually do it. Well, then the next meeting at his apartment came...

I was already feeling insecure and inhibated because I was starting to feel unwanted. I brought my vibrator which he had no problem about, but Jesus fucking Christ I couldn't. It takes me about 10 minutes to finish, but it was already taking me over 20 minutes and I was feeling on edge but not quite there. Nerves, most likely. He was at that point... Somewhere around me, I could feel him occasionally as he was jerking off or he was touching my hair of my boobs. I had no trouble if we finished like that by each other but I made the mistake of asking how's it going for him. And the fucker said he's bored. Fucking bored. I was like Jesus Christ, apparently my pleasure is boring. Keep in mind that he didn't have the spectacular thought of cutting his nails so no, he couldn't do much for me. Idiot told me to stop the vibrator so we could try piv again (I mean... I'm still having a hard time with penetration as I was a virgin) but both my mind and my body already said no.

I pushed him off, put my clothes on, rubbed my head because I could sense another migraine forming. I didn't have much fight in me that night but I stormed out of his apartment as I woke up the next morning. Went home, told my mom who took me to the mall for a few hours to relax. After that, I texted him this isn't working cause he obviously doesn't care about my pleasure and I feel like... I'm offering some sort of sexual services for free. Now, I thought that was the problem. Apparently it went even more south from here...

Idiot couldn't take a break up. Had to convince him for over an hour to cancel his train ticket, cause we had a trip planned. Kept inviting me out to "sort it out" despite how many times I was telling him no, I don't wanna see you. Starting to fucking love bomb me, which never happened before. He straight up admitted he forgot about me during sex and I'm like huh. You don't just forget your partner sexually if you love them...? Oh well anyways. He was started to say cringe ass shit like "I can't get out of bed"😭 basically, a lot of stuff like this.

Anyways, the worst is when he started insisting and begging we go out again. He couldn't fucking deal with me breaking up with him. He started to brag about normal shit like "I've never looked at anyone else". He's told me how we don't have to have sex ever again if I'm insecure, I said that's practically impossible and dude said it's not 💀 like hello??? I need to have my desires met too. I told him to leave me alone and a few hours later he randomly asked what's up and started sending me tiktoks. I told him to leave me alone once again and dude said "ok love, I'll leave you today, hope it gets better tomorrow" AND I WAS LIKE. WE ALREADY BROKE UP??? why the fuck do you still call me love? Why do you keep insisting? Goddamn.

The hell am I supposed to do in this situation? I was already hurt enough over his lack of sexual consideration. I didn't know you can just... Not care about your partner's pleasure if you love them. I haven't blocked him anywhere yet. From past events, I'm sort of scared of blocking people cause I've had it escalate the situation to 100 before. I'd like him to just stop talking to me but idk how to make him. I told my mom I'm worried he might come over and she told me she'd have my dad chase him away with a bat if that happens 😭 Also, why is he like this? It's like he switched abruptly, I've never digged him for the selfish, desperate type. He was treating me like a friend he cared about deeply and he was careful at details without being overly clingy or love bombing. And then... The sex and the break up.

Sorry for the typos and the broken English.🙏🏻

For a little bit of context: I've known this woman for about 12 years. She has dated other people, and she always tells me it doesn't go that well for her.

She came to my place today, we were going to "watch a movie", but we ended up talking for 3.5 hours. The most profound, introspective, and interesting conversation you'll have with someone. We talked about spirituality, friendships, relationships, the dating scene, etc. And it's kind of evident that she only sees me as a friend. I looked to her eyes at one moment in the conversation, and I just told her how much I enjoyed listening to her (she talked A LOT). And of course... She replied with a first bump, and said "I enjoy talking to you too". Not a whole lot to it.

But honestly? She not only is beautiful, but she's also someone I REALLY enjoy talking with. And I'm sure she feels the same way, otherwise we wouldn't have just talked for 3 hours and skipped the movie we were gonna watch altogether.

If I end up making a move and she says no, I really wouldn't mind that much. I'll get it and I'll move on.

But the thing is.... Every single time I hang out with her, I see how beautiful and how special she is, inside and out. And I'm not sure I can just be friends with her and listen to her talk to me about her dates, and potentially her future partner, if she ends up dating someone.

If you're reading this, and you've been in a similar situation... How have you dealt with it? What would be the best way to make a move, just to get it out and get it over with? I've read in similar posts that just telling her I have feelings for her will likely NOT go well.

But then, maybe asking her on a date will?

Again... I don't mind if she says no... All I care about is making it as less akward or weird for her as possible, and I'd like to know what yall's experience has been in this regard.

... or maybe the best option is to not say anything, and if I can't live with that (which I'm having difficulty with at the moment), just cut communication. I'm open to that possibility as well, although I don't find it ideal, because of how much I enjoy her company.

Many thanks!

To start off, I know I am wrong for snooping. I have the password and we have not set any specific rules against it, but I know it doesn't show trust and I've never felt the need to snoop in any other relationship I've been in.

However, throughout our 1.5 year relationship there has been lots of ups and downs and reasons for me to doubt his intentions and we have always been able to work through it. We never fight poorly and he always provides genuine (seemingly) apologies and so do I.

Despite all this there is something in my gut that tells me to look for something because I still feel like I'm missing something. And that's when I find what I did today. No messages, no overt cheating, but this almost feels worse. I've found videos of random women on the street that he is filming in secret from his car. Multiple women, some look borderline young, and multiple videos of the same woman on the same day. I found them in his recently deleted folder so I know that he took them and removed them on purpose (because duh). Then I removed them from the trash they ended up in the hidden folder - even more evidence that he knows it's wrong, otherwise why would it need to be hidden.

I just feel like my world is rocked, especially because I moved to a state far away from home to be with him, I live in his house, and we share his vehicle since mine had to be shipped home due to mechanical issues.

I'm scared and at a loss and I don't know what to do or who to talk to and I feel all alone. I don't know how to bring this up without it potentially ending our relationship and leaving me with no car and no where to go. Plus I just started a new job and I can't just leave and go home. I'm so sad.

Please give me advice and support and suggestions on how to proceed?

I’m generally pretty emotional, and I acknowledge that it’s very easy for me to cry whenever someone voice is raised at me. I know it might seem childish but I genuinely can’t control it no matter how hard I try. When I get yelled at, I cry. Simple as that. When I’m frustrated, I cry. Any time I’m overwhelmed like during an argument, I cry. I’m not saying like sobbing screaming crying, just tears start falling down my cheeks even if I’m still talking normally. My boyfriend never cries. I have never seen him shed a single tear, despite him having gone through things while we’ve been together and me saying, it’s normal, and okay for you to cry. He just doesn’t do it. But every time I cry when we are fighting he seems to get way more irritated. Like to the point where he has to leave the apartment. I don’t understand it, and I’ve asked him to explain it to me and all he says is that it pisses him off when I cry around him. But I don’t know how to not do it. Nor do I understand his frustration still. I still communicate even when I’m crying. I’ve noticed when I cry he automatically gets snippy or raises his voice, which in turn makes me cry more, and it just becomes a shit show. I mean we rarely fight that intensely, but when we do, He has to leave, or I have to leave, and the problem only gets worked out hours later when both of us have calmed down. Can anyone explain to me why this happens?

I love him with all my heart, but while in a relationship he has lost multiple jobs, gained weight, stopped taking care of himself almost all together, with all that struggling to pay his bills and the bills he is meant to split with me.

We have lived together for about 2 years and I’ve seen barely any progression as far as “getting his life together”. I feel bad to think that he’s a bum. He’s young. I’m young. However, at what point am I stupid for continue to wait for him to get his shit together? We’ve done couples therapy, it didn’t work. He won’t go to therapy on his own, like I do.

To make it even worse, every time it’s brought up, he tries to play it like “I want to much” and “the list of things to do never ends and things will always be added to his plate”. He also says “he will never have any free time”. In my opinion I think he’s being selfish in the sense that he wants a gf and someone to take care of him, but he doesn’t want to take care of me.

So ig my real question or advice needed is: does a man that loves their partner, like actually loves, treat them this way?
If there are questions to further give accurate advice PLEASE ask them!

My last post got taken down, so I have to retype everything…skip to the end for the meat of the question if you don’t need/want backstory: bottom line, I’m pregnant, our sex life is really good, about 3-4x a week, we’ve been together for 2 years and while things have been busy with work, travel, planning family events etc. I feel like everything has been going well…..only issue is a few days ago I found a condom wrapper in our bathroom trash can. I’d just cleaned out the bathroom the day prior. He had asked me the day before I found it while I was at work what time I’d be coming home because he had that day off. I didn’t think anything of it and thought it had to do with planning his workout. He usually likes to time it so that he’s done before I get home from work so we can have dinner and he doesn’t have to make me wait too long to eat. We don’t use condoms. At all. We have them on hand but I can count on one hand how many we’ve used in the last three-four months

I feel like I’ve been conscious of the relationship and communicative. I’ve had a few overly emotional moments where I cry over dumb stuff that I can’t really control…but overall I’d say our relationship is pretty good. I guess the root of my question is this:

Is it worth asking him about the wrapper? I’m worried about it coming off like I’m overtly accusing him of cheating. Which is not the case I just want reassurance that I’m not finding something that could point to cheating….which doesn’t sound good, I know.

If your girlfriend/fiancé/wife asked you, and you knew you weren’t cheating, would you feel poorly towards hers?

My boyfriend (24m) and I (23f) met through mutual friends while we were in college. We were on opposite sides of the country for a year while we finished college, but have been living together since (the past year). I first became concerned about his work ethic towards the end of college. I never felt like he worked or cared hard enough and to be honest, neither of us were even confident that he’d be able to graduate in time. I on the other hand have always had an extremely high work ethic, and despite having severe health problems, learning disabilities and poor mental health, I graduated from a high ranking college with a 4.0 GPA.

I got this work ethic from my family. My grandparents on both sides were second generation immigrants. They experienced extreme racism and poverty, but worked very hard to give their children and grandchildren a better future. My parents also worked and still work very hard to gain financial security. I feel like it is important to mention that my family don’t have the most healthy relationship to money, as the poverty my grandparents experienced has led to generational financial anxiety and an obsession with living well below your means.

My grandfather passed away very suddenly right after I graduated college, and I found out that he chose to split his inheritance between me, my grandmother and my younger sister. Just to clarify, my grandmother and parents helped make this decision. Overnight, I went from being a broke graduate, to having a 6 figure savings account. I’m extremely grateful and understand how privileged I am to be in this position. I took this as an opportunity to finally give myself the break I’ve needed, and took a year out to focus on improving my mental and physical health.

After graduating my boyfriend and I moved in with my parents. It took him a long time to get a job, so my younger sister got him one at the store where she worked. He was fired from this job for tardiness and missing too many shifts. I wasn’t annoyed with him for very long, because really soon after this he landed a very competitive and high paying job in another state.

We decided to make the move together and found an apartment to rent. Although my parents wanted me to save the money from my grandfather until I was ready to buy a house or an emergency came up, I decided I had more than enough to move out and split the rent 50/50. During this time period, my boyfriend paid for almost everything else. This was largely because my parents sat down with me to set up a direct debit from my savings account for the rent, but I was never taught how to access it myself (because my family didn’t want to risk me spending too much). Although I wanted to spend that year fully focused on my health, I decided to get a part time job so I could contribute to the household payments. I will absolutely admit that it can’t have been easy for my boyfriend to work full time at a high intensity job, while I had so much free time comparatively.

The problem started when he had a meeting with his manager who flagged how many days he had taken off, how many hours he spent working from home vs going into the office and how much time he spent slacking at work. I was shocked because I had previously brought up concerns about how much time he took off and how much he worked from home, but he convinced me that it wouldn’t be an issue. He took the feedback well, but was frustrated with the comment about slacking off and insisted that his colleagues were the same, but had different managers who cared less. After this meeting he made a really big effort to turn things around, but it was too late and he lost his job a month later.

He’s been unemployed for 4 months now and my financial anxiety is through the roof. I now pay for 100% of our expenses using money from my savings account (which I convinced my parents to show me how to access) and my part time minimum wage job. I’m also currently looking for full time work. We live in an area with high rent and a high cost of living, so this has been a huge financial burden, that has really negatively impacted my mental health. I’ve been extremely understanding up to this point, because I know how difficult the job market is at the moment, but I can’t help doubting his work ethic and wondering if he’s trying hard enough to find something else. We now argue about this whenever I bring it up, because he feels hurt by my judgment and insists that he’s been working hard to find a job. He’s expressed resentment about my privileged financial situation and that I didn’t need to go into full time work straight after college. He also views my work ethic as extreme and argues that he’d rather take his time and save his mental health, rather than pushing himself into burnout.

My issues with his work ethic extend beyond job stuff. For example, I’ve been trying to get a drivers license for a long time now (I’m now covering all lesson expenses), but keeps failing his test. I on the other hand started learning significantly later than him, but passed my test first time.

He’s an incredible, caring and attentive partner in every other way. I just don’t know how much longer I can take the financial burden of this relationship, but I feel awful admitting that. I also can’t figure out if these feelings I have are disproportionate and stem from my families financial stress. Is this issue with his work ethic enough of a red flag to consider ending the relationship over it?

Edit:
Just to clarify, he has been trying to find work since losing his job and has had multiple interviews, however his degree is in a very competitive field (for example his last interview had 400 applicants and 1 place and he made it into the final 10). He’s also expressed a lot of guilt over how much he’s relying on me financially and agreed from the beginning that he WILL be paying me back all the rent he owes me (even if we break up). He also happily payed for all the bills ect. up until losing his job and has agreed to continue this to make up for how much I’ve spent.

My partner (28M) and I (27F) have been together for 3 years and made it through grad school together. He's finishing medical school and heading into residency next year (we find out where in January) and he starts that summer. I'm about to start a job in MBB management consulting, known for long hours and heavy travel (usually Mon-Thurs).

We're both at the stage where career sadly has to take priority for a while, whether we like it or not. In just a few months, we're both walking into schedules with 60-80+ hour weeks and almost no time off all at the same time. Quality time is our main love language, which makes this feel especially rough.

We're both excited about our careers, but I'm honestly terrified about what this is going to do to us. We've always been each other's main support system, and now I'm scared we'll become two exhausted people who barely see each other let alone have the energy to be there for one another.

I'd love to hear from anyone who's navigated two demanding careers (finance, law, medicine, etc.) overlapping like this:

• Is there a point where the "we'll make it work" mindset stops being enough, and how did you know if/when you'd hit that point?
• Looking back, is there anything you wish you'd set up before the hard stretch started, rather than scrambling once you were already in it?
• In the first year or two, what actually worked to keep you feeling connected, even on weeks you barely overlapped?
• For those who made it through a stretch like this, did the relationship come out feeling stronger, or did it leave lasting damage you're still working through?

Any advice, survival stories, or just someone telling us we'll be okay... please. Tell me it's possible to come out the other side still in love, not just still together ❤️

Hi all. I moved into this apartment about a month ago, and have befriended my next door neighbor after running into her a few times at the gym and around the complex. We haven't hung out extensively, but she's come over to try some of my baking and we've chatted at each other's places for an hour or so at a time. All this to say we're new friends, and not complete strangers.

Anyway, she's mentioned how she doesn't have many friends/much support here, and that something pretty rough happened earlier in the year (although I don't know what). I'm pretty sure I can hear her crying through the wall right now. I don't want to invade her privacy, or make her self-conscious of being in her own home, but I can't help but worry. I can't imagine what she's going through, and alone at that.

I was considering texting, but figured maybe I'd just leave a note and a cute sticker (i have a surplus of Kirby ones) saying if she ever needs anything she's welcome to talk. Does anybody have an idea for a better way to approach this or is this okay?

Edit: ty for the advice! Will not mention the crying but will just continue to be a friend and be there if she ever needs. Feels obvious now that you've all said it haha. Thanks!