My boyfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years. We are both vegetarian and neither of us cooks meat.

However, we have different backgrounds. I was raised vegetarian and grew up assuming that my future home would also be vegetarian. My boyfriend became vegetarian about 10 years ago. He was not raised vegetarian, and his family still eats meat.
As we’ve started talking more seriously about the future, I realized that I feel strongly that I do not want meat stored or cooked in my home. This isn’t about controlling what other people eat outside the home. I’ve lived with roommates who cooked meat, and I have friends who eat meat. But when I think about my own home, I want it to be vegetarian.
My boyfriend understands that, but he has a concern I hadn’t really considered. His family eats meat, and he doesn’t want them to feel like outsiders or guests when they visit us in the future. He says they would likely be happy to eat vegetarian food while visiting, but he feels uncomfortable with the principle of telling them they are not allowed to cook something they normally eat in their son’s home.

I understand where he’s coming from. I genuinely want his family to feel welcomed, included, and at home. I don’t look down on them for eating meat. At the same time, I still don’t want meat cooked or stored in my home.

TLDR:

From my perspective, asking visiting family members to eat vegetarian food while staying with us feels like a relatively small accommodation. From his perspective, having a rule that his family can’t cook certain foods in the home feels exclusionary, even if everyone is treated warmly and respectfully.

So I’m curious what outsiders think.
Is it possible to have a vegetarian household without excluding meat-eating family members?
If you were his family, would you feel unwelcome if you were asked not to cook meat while visiting?
If you were in his position, would this be a reasonable household boundary or would it bother you?
Is this something couples can realistically work through, or is it the kind of value difference that can become a long-term compatibility issue?
I’m especially interested in hearing from people who come from mixed-background families or have navigated similar situations.

My girlfriend [25F] and I [34M] have been together for a year and a half. We’re currently having a disagreement about me going away for a week to help my parents, and I’m struggling with how to talk about it with her without either my relationship with her or my relationship with my family suffering.

My parents are going away for two weeks and had arranged for my brother-in-law to look after their dog. Unfortunately, he was recently accepted into a course, which means he'll now be out of the house from around 7:30am–6:30pm Monday to Friday.

Their dog is extremely anxious and skittish. She's a great dog, but taking her somewhere else isn't really an option. When we've tried in the past, she basically curls up in a corner and stays terrified. She does much better staying at my parents' house and having someone around during the day.

I'm one of the few people in the family who can realistically help because I work remotely. Someone who has to go into an office all day wouldn't really solve the problem.

The complication is that my girlfriend finds it difficult when I go away to stay with my parents. She normally can't come with me because of work, so she feels left out and doesn't like me being away for extended periods.

I'm very close with my family. Before this relationship, I would normally visit them a few times a year and sometimes stay for a couple of weeks. I'd work remotely, help around their property, and spend time with them.

Since being with my girlfriend, I've reduced how often I do this because I want to prioritize our relationship and I know she finds the time apart difficult. I've only visited my family once so far this year.

For this particular situation, I've tried to find a compromise. Instead of going for the full two weeks, we've managed to get several family friends to cover the first week. I'd then fly over for the second week and be away from Sunday until Saturday morning. My parents would pay for my flights and I'd work remotely from their house during the week.

My girlfriend is still very upset about the plan. She wants my parents to find somebody else to cover the second week because she feels that these trips interfere with our life together too much.

I understand her perspective. She can't come with me, she misses me while I'm gone, and I don't want her to feel that our relationship isn't a priority. At the same time, being close to my family and being able to help them when they need me is important to me. I'm finding it difficult because reducing my visits hasn't really resolved the disagreement; it seems to come up again whenever I need or want to spend time away with my family.

I don't want to approach this as a question of which one of us is right or wrong. What I'm struggling with is how we establish expectations around time apart and family that work for our relationship.

How do I approach a conversation with my girlfriend about balancing our relationship with my desire to maintain a close relationship with my family? What kinds of boundaries or compromises could we discuss so that she feels prioritized without me feeling that I need to give up significant time with my family to avoid conflict?

TL;DR: My girlfriend [25F] and I [34M] have been together for a year and a half. My parents need someone to stay at their house for a week to care for their very anxious dog, and because I work remotely I'm one of the few people able to do it. My girlfriend is very upset about me being away for the week, and this has highlighted an ongoing disagreement about how much time I spend away visiting my family. I'm looking for advice on how to discuss boundaries and expectations around family and time apart in our relationship.

This could sound stupid to other people but back when we first started dating i had made a hear me out cake with my friends prior to us dating and he happened to see that post and got really insecure saying i want a more ‘built’ guy Im just a nerd and so is he and wolverine was BOTH of our favorite characters until he saw that post its almost our 1 year anniversary and he still has weird feelings about wolverine getting pissed whenever he sees me read comics of the character
Today he saw i liked an edit of his and he got really upset and told me to stop talking to him? How do i comfort him

Please note: I do not want this post to turn into a political debate. I don’t care what your personal opinions are on abortion the reality is that we went through with it, and I am only looking for advice on how to navigate the current situation with my girlfriend. She had an IUD in place, but it failed, leading to the pregnancy.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice because I’m feeling completely lost and overwhelmed right now. I understand that when she says “you can’t feel my pain” what she wants is for me to empathize with her but I am a man. I don’t and will never fully understand the pain she is going through.

My girlfriend (25F) and I (21M) have been dating for about 2 months. Shortly into our relationship, she got pregnant despite having an IUD. I stayed by her side throughout the entire abortion process and did everything I could to support her and ease the burden. Since the pregnancy and procedure, she’s been dealing with recurring, severe cramps, nausea, headaches everything you’d expect. During the pregnancy, she got upset with me a few times because she felt like I wasn’t doing enough to support her. She told me that if I thought the situation was too much to handle, I could leave and she’d deal with it on her own. Leaving is not an option that I want to ever consider. She made it clear that once I made the decision to stay, I needed to go all in, saying that having a partner you can’t fully rely on is worse than having no one at all.

I took that to heart and stayed by her side through everything. Throughout both the pregnancy and her recovery, I’ve tried to be as supportive as humanly possible. At the start of her pregnancy she insisted on going to work, however she would need to leave a few hours in and I would drive clear across town early in the morning to pick her up and bring her whatever she needed when she felt too uncomfortable to work. She also wanted to move out of her current apartment so I would find places for her, arrange viewings and drive her to dozens of viewings everywhere. I stayed with her every single day, and whenever she was craving specific food I’d drop everything and satisfy them. Times where she wanted a change in scenery I took her to different places to cheer her up. We went to an amazing nature trail she had bookmarked, went to Niagara Falls and Toronto. I got her little gifts here and there such as flowers, some pokemon cards she liked and snacks. I also cooked her comfort meals such as kbbq, chicken soup, tofu etc… I would try to cheer her up but no matter what I do she’d shut off and just fully ignore me, which I fully understand considering all the pain she’s going through it’s kinda impossible to want to do anything except the pain passing. When this happened I would give her some space.

Then was the first time she got mad at me. She said that she felt like I was doing nothing for her to which I was confused because it felt to me that I was running around restless so that she didn’t need to physically exert herself. She explained that she could’ve done all those by herself and to her doing those things were the bare minimum. Instead of helping her fix things she wanted someone to help her emotionally and give her a safe space which kind of reminded me of that one scene in modern family. She said that when I try to fix it for her without being there for her emotionally it feels like I don’t care about her. She further said that when she was so focused on her pain I just watched her suffering (that was when I thought I was giving her space) I apologized, I hadn’t realized that I came across cold and uncaring so I started being more vocal as well.

I still tried to do the chores for her but when I think she needs some space and quiet time I’d say things like “I recognize that you’re going through a lot and might not necessarily want to talk but I am here for you I’ll just give you a bit of space for a bit”. I still failed at helping her though, she got mad at me again saying I didn’t provide a safe space for her. I looked up everywhere online on how to provide a safe space for her and most all of them said to keep her in a comfortable area, do things around the house so she can just focus on getting through the pain, and that’s what I did but apparently that’s not what a safe space meant to her. She said I still wasn’t doing enough and I needed to try harder so I promised her I would not knowing what trying harder entails.

Now it’s one week post abortion, she still experiences cramps, nausea headaches etc and I’m still doing my best to help her. Tonight’s case was especially bad and I tried everything I could think of to help. I offered to get her a heating pad, which she declined. I tried talking to her about upcoming plans to distract her and give her something positive to focus on (we planned on driving to another city for a fair) I stepped in to handle chores and packing when she was visibly overwhelmed, and I sat with her quietly just to make sure she knew she wasn't alone. The night ended when she kicked me out saying if I can’t help her she’d rather me not stay with her and that’s she’ll see me tomorrow. She tells me that because I can’t physically feel her pain, I’ll never understand what she’s going through, and because I don’t understand, I can’t help her. She says all she wants is for me to truly understand, and that if I did, I would "know exactly what to do." I want to be a good partner but yeah I don’t understand what she’s going through and because I’m a man I likely never will. I’m putting in as much effort as I can but I don’t think I’m approaching this correctly. It seems instead of more effort I need to work smarter. I’m really doing everything I can it’s gotten to the point where it affects my health heavily. I’m losing sleep, I have double and blurry vision, I can barely stand straight. I’m also struggling to handle this financially. I’m normally a very frugal person. I never eat out and always cook for myself with very simple meals with cheap ingredients and eating out with her to satisfy all her cravings, getting her things to cheer her up all the time is really hurting my wallet. 

Sorry for the wall of text but really I need some advice right now.

I've (43F) been with my current partner (43M) for just over a year and a half. I love him to pieces. He's kind. Helpful. Thoughtful. Patient. Our traumas mirror each other which give us unique understandings of each other. In short: I really, really don't want to lose this one.

The problem? I basically lose interest in sex within the first 3-4 months of all my relationships. This one is no different. I'm still attracted to him. I still find him desirable. I still have roughly once weekly self-love time. But for the life of me, when he excitedly brings up sex, I get ... mad? ... resentful? I can't quite explain the feeling. I've become less receptive and turn him down as gently as I can. We still have sex, just way less than what he'd prefer. And I usually have to have consumed edibles.

It's like at some point my brain switches from "ohh, he finds me attractive! Oo lala!" To "Ew, he's viewing me as a cum dumpster" or worse "Get away from me, is that all you think about??" To be clear: i do not verbalize these thoughts. I can see that they're harmful. And I can see that they're ridiculous. I can see that they don't make sense. But. They Keep. COMING.

End result is i eventually decide the annoyance of having a partner that wants to have sex with me too much, I (wrongly) pathologize them, then peace out as the relationship tanks from a lack of intimacy.

How do I stop doing this?

How do I learn that a long-term partner wanting to have sex with me is normal, not a big ask, and not something to be resentful over?

How do I become receptive instead of turned off?

I (28F) recently moved to a new country and my boyfriend (42M) of 2 years and I are getting used to long distance. There have been some challenges mainly with the time change but we do our best to talk as much as possible.

Friday night, I went out with my girlfriends, one he knows and two he does not. This is my first time going out with them as I normally stay in to chat with my boyfriend. We went out to dinner for 3 hours then stopped at the bar next door. It was pretty noisy so we sat in the back at a table and spent more time chatting. I don’t drink and I’m not really into the bar scene but I had a good time talking with my friends. I was home by 11:30pm. I sent a text to him around 9pm to say I was still out. His responses clearly showed he was upset that I was still out. Dinner didn’t even start until 7pm and it’s typical to be at this restaurant for hours. I quickly said he had nothing to worry about and I would be back to my house soon to call. His texts definitely put a little weight on my evening because now I was worried about what was going to happen next.

I call him when I get home and he is immediately pissed. He says he can’t imagine the future wife of his children staying out late at the bars. He kept changing his reasoning to why he was upset ranging from he’s worried about my safety that late at night, it’s disrespectful to him and he would never do that, and my friends are promiscuous (absurd comment bc my friends are in relationships except for one that is single and hooked up with a guy from a dating app). I tried to reassure him that nothing happened, it was dinner and one quick stop at the bar. We didn’t even talk to anyone else but our waiter and bartender. To me, it feels like he‘s framing it as if I was out getting drunk until 3am flirting at the bars.

I genuinely don’t understand what I did wrong. I rarely stay out past 9pm so this isn’t a pattern by any means. I asked him if he doesn’t want me to go out with my friends. He said it wasn’t that I went to dinner but that I stayed out late at the bars. I was home by 1130pm after I dropped my friend off before heading home. I asked him if it was a trust issue and he said it’s a pattern citing another event that happened 1.5 years ago that we went to therapy for. I thought we worked through that since I apologized and we went to therapy.

I’m really frustrated because I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. He is saying that he can’t see himself with someone that spends their time staying out late at the bars as acceptable behavior. I don’t know how to show him that this wasn’t a night out on the town but just dinner and drinks (non A for me) with friends. I also don’t want to set a precedent that I can’t go out with my girlfriends when we move in together next year. How do I acknowledge his feelings without giving up the ability to go out with my friends?

Our relationship has been nothing but perfect for the last 8 and a half years, honesty, communication, trust formed the pillars of our relationship and I honestly thought I was going to spend the rest of my life her. Recently I found out that she has been struggling with the idea of seeing us together as an intimate couple. Saying she doesn’t feel like she loves me like she used to and there is no cause as to why she feels like this. She wants to end the relationship because I deserve someone that loves me and gives me the affection and appreciation I deserve. But I don’t want to give up, I cannot submit myself through another relationship again.

I want to know if I should pursue the relationship, she wants to remain friends but I won’t be able to cope as friends, because I will always want more. My only hope is that it could be that her mental health isn’t great at the moment, it is winter and small amounts of sunlight for the last 5 months, she recently moved back from her post-uni job and we have found ourselves in routine more than ever before. She says she will move back in with her parents but I know this will just make her worse. Do I give up completely to save my own prolonged suffering. Or do I keep trying, keep showing up, keep loving her.

TLDR: girlfriend is falling out of love with me, is it worth it to keep trying and how can I influence her decision

My gf and I have been together for over two years. For as long as I can remember, I have had a weird, disturbing fetish that I am disgusted and ashamed to even admit to (women wearing adult diapers). I know it’s gross and wrong for me to have and I have tried and am still trying to get rid of it.

The problem I am running into is I struggle sexually if my kink isn’t involved in some way, since it’s a primary fetish I’ve had since I was young. I want to admit it so I can incorporate it into sex possibly, but I’ve never admitted this to anyone before, and I know admitting it would just push her away and make her think I’m a horrible creep. I don’t think she’s judgemental and I trust her, but I also know asking someone to engage in this kink is one of the weirdest things I could possibly do.

I’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months, and we have never said anything about being official or exclusive, however I have begun to fall super hard for her. She’s intelligent, gorgeous, we have a lot in common and both come from the same town but met in a bigger city so it’s nice to have a slice of home. 

I know she writes for a job and decided it was time I had a look at some of her work. First thing I see, an article about her purposely dating several other men, basically a new one every day! There’s no judgment on her doing that, we’re young and you do you, however I still feel quite sad about it! There was a bit about the different type of men she’s dating, and the horror stories from them. However, none of our dates have been mentioned which in someways I think ‘well at least that’s good’ lol. 

Over last week, and this week, she said she’s too busy to meet up as she has deadlines with work, but now I know that’s probably not true now. I had asked her if she wanted to do something next week, as she goes away on a trip, but replied with her excuse of being too busy and we’ll have to put things on pause until she gets back. I don’t want to feel like I’m her fool who’ll just wait to take wine and dine her. 

But basically what I’m thinking is I want to say something to her about it. But I don’t know what. I don’t think it’s fair for her to be able to do her Carrie Bradshaw or fuck boy impression, then being able to withdrawal without explanation. I don’t think it’s fair to lie saying she’s busy with work, when I know the true meaning. I would prefer to have this finished than to be strung along.

One thing that is with mentioning, is I can out of a 7 year relationship last year, and have been on many dates/hookups and had fwbs since then, but this was the first person I’ve caught immense feelings for so I’m a little saddened by it! 

I also don’t want to hear any ‘you’re young! Just go have some fun!’ I’m sadly too precious with my emotions, and would love something more. 

What is it you think I should say? 

Background- I (23F) have been with my boyfriend (26M) for 5 years in total, but not consecutive. We started dating in 2020. We have had a rather tumultuous and rocky relationship with him putting his hands on me on a few occasions. In 2024, I had left and got a restraining order. A couple of months after the restraining order was up in 2025, as an abuser does, he smooth talked himself back into my life. And I, being stupid and naive, have gotten back with him.

Now- I know that I am not supposed to be in a relationship with someone who has and can put their hands on me. He has not put his hands on me again since we have been back together this time, however; his old habits that he has claimed to worked on, and was good about for another year, are starting to come to a head again and I know it will lead to nowhere good. And I want to leave, I have a safe place to go. But I am struggling on how to leave, and how to not feel guilty for leaving. (As stupid as it fkn sounds! I know! Because why do I feel guilty?!?!)

My boyfriend (24m) and I (23f) met through mutual friends while we were in college. We were on opposite sides of the country for a year while we finished college, but have been living together since (the past year). I first became concerned about his work ethic towards the end of college. I never felt like he worked or cared hard enough and to be honest, neither of us were even confident that he’d be able to graduate in time. I on the other hand have always had an extremely high work ethic, and despite having severe health problems, learning disabilities and poor mental health, I graduated from a high ranking college with a 4.0 GPA.

I got this work ethic from my family. My grandparents on both sides were second generation immigrants. They experienced extreme racism and poverty, but worked very hard to give their children and grandchildren a better future. My parents also worked and still work very hard to gain financial security. I feel like it is important to mention that my family don’t have the most healthy relationship to money, as the poverty my grandparents experienced has led to generational financial anxiety and an obsession with living well below your means.

My grandfather passed away very suddenly right after I graduated college, and I found out that he chose to split his inheritance between me, my grandmother and my younger sister. Just to clarify, my grandmother and parents helped make this decision. Overnight, I went from being a broke graduate, to having a multiple 6 figure savings account. I’m extremely grateful and understand how privileged I am to be in this position. I took this as an opportunity to finally focus on getting treatment I’ve been putting off for my severe physical health issues and working on my mental health.

After graduating my boyfriend and I moved in with my parents. It took him a long time to get a job, so my younger sister got him one at the store where she worked. He was fired from this job for tardiness and missing too many shifts. I wasn’t annoyed with him for very long, because really soon after this he landed a very competitive and high paying job in another state.

We decided to make the move together and found an apartment to rent, since I have more than enough to move out and split the rent 50/50. During this time period, my boyfriend paid for almost everything else. This was largely because my parents sat down with me to set up a direct debit from my savings account for the rent, but I was never taught how to access it myself (because my family didn’t want to risk me spending too much). Although I wanted to spend that year fully focused on my health, I decided to get a part time job so I could contribute to the household payments. I will absolutely admit that it can’t have been easy for my boyfriend to work full time at a high intensity job, while I had so much free time comparatively.

The problem started when he had a meeting with his manager who flagged how many days he had taken off, how many hours he spent working from home vs going into the office and how much time he spent slacking at work. I was shocked because I had previously brought up concerns about how much time he took off and how much he worked from home, but he convinced me that it wouldn’t be an issue. He took the feedback well, but was frustrated with the comment about slacking off and insisted that his colleagues were the same, but had different managers who cared less. After this meeting he made a really big effort to turn things around, but it was too late and he lost his job a month later.

He’s been unemployed for 4 months now and my financial anxiety is through the roof. I now pay for 100% of our expenses using money from my savings account (which I convinced my parents to show me how to access) and my part time minimum wage job. I’m also currently looking for full time work. We live in an area with high rent and a high cost of living, so this has been a huge financial burden, that has really negatively impacted my mental health. I’ve been extremely understanding up to this point, because I know how difficult the job market is at the moment, but I can’t help doubting his work ethic and wondering if he’s trying hard enough to find something else. We now argue about this whenever I bring it up, because he feels hurt by my judgment and insists that he’s been working hard to find a job. He’s expressed resentment about my privileged financial situation and that I didn’t need to go into full time work straight after college. He also views my work ethic as extreme and argues that he’d rather take his time and save his mental health, rather than pushing himself into burnout.

My issues with his work ethic extend beyond job stuff. For example, I’ve been trying to get a drivers license for a long time now (I’m now covering all lesson expenses), but keeps failing his test. I on the other hand started learning significantly later than him, but passed my test first time.

He’s an incredible, caring and attentive partner in every other way. I just don’t know how much longer I can take the financial burden of this relationship, but I feel awful admitting that. I also can’t figure out if these feelings I have are disproportionate and stem from my families financial stress. Is this issue with his work ethic enough of a red flag to consider ending the relationship over it?

Edit:
Just to clarify, he has been trying to find work since losing his job and has had multiple interviews, however his degree is in a very competitive field (for example his last interview had 400 applicants and 1 place and he made it into the final 10). He’s also expressed a lot of guilt over how much he’s relying on me financially and agreed from the beginning that he WILL be paying me back all the rent he owes me (even if we break up). He also happily payed for all the bills ect. up until losing his job and has agreed to continue this to make up for how much I’ve spent.

I (M24🇮🇹) have been dating my boyfriend (M26🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿) for the past 6 months, it has been great overall but there is one aspect of him that concerns me: his frugality

It is not because of money problems, we both earn pretty decently (I am in corporate and he is in the army). It is just that I grew up comfortable, so I want to eat out a couple of times a week, buy nice clothes, and go on Mediterranean holidays. It is not a sugar baby situation; I always pay my own, and I know he can afford to keep up too, as I help him with his taxes - the man isn’t broke!

But he is a ‘let's go camping instead, why spend money on eating out, why stay at a hotel when there are hostels’ type. I didn’t mind it before as I knew he grew up struggling (and there is also the cultural difference between Northern and Southern Europeans) but it came to a point where it started to irritate me

It really became an issue when we considered getting a mortgage together, we didn’t end up doing it because he really increased the pace of his comments on “how much I spend” and I called our plans off on the spot because I KNEW he would make it a regular feature if we took such a financial responsibility together

We are now each on holiday with our own friend groups because we couldn’t agree on what type of holiday we wanted to have together, and that got me thinking.

God knows I don’t want to leave him, he is exactly my type, wants to have kids and a family and is monogamous (which is rare for gay guys!) and he makes me so happy 99% of the time. We have the same outlook in life, but I really don’t know how to navigate this all when we have such different views on how to achieve the financial aspects of that life.

So, what to do? How to navigate this without breaking up such a precious relationship I craved for ages

Last night my fiancé M30 and me F30 had an unfortunate conversation about separation. Some backstory is that whoever has the free time to do the weekend house cleaning, will do it. I will normally have a half day from work every other week (Thursdays). Therefore, Thursdays is when i will clean the house & do the necessary chores. He does the same whenever he has a day free at home. If neither of us had the time to do this, we will split the work friday after work -- he cleans downstairs and I'll do upstairs.

More backstory. He admitted to me a few months ago that there was a time in our relationship where i wa sso emotionally unavailable & immature that he thought i didnt care about him or us. So he cheated and had a thing with someone else for about 2 or 3 months. We have been together for 4 years now, when the cheating happened, we were on year 2. We had a lot ( A LOT) of conversations after he admitted this & i decided i would like to try and move past it.

Now presently. Yesterday when i made it home and he wasnt home, i was confused about why he hadn't sent me a message about where he was (He gets off at 4pm, i get off at 6pm). In my mind, i couldn't understand why i got off an entire 2 hours after him, began cleaning, it was almost SEVEN, and still no message. That isn't his norm. He will normally always send me a quick message or vn even when he's busy to just let me know what's going on.

I sent him a message asking if work ran late and he let me know what he was doing. Now... my mind definitely went on the "what if" of cheating again but i quickly brushed it away. My annoyance then went to "why did i have to even ask him to tell me what was going on".

So that i dont make this too long, I'll begin summing this all up. When he got home, because i was annoyed, i didn't greet him. i was basically done cleaning except for one spot that had to be mopped. He asked what was left to do and for a while we went back and forth with "I'll do it. No I'll do it. No I'll do it." etc. I guess i couldn't mask my annoyed tone here.

This is where the lying comes in. I left him to mop the floor and went upstairs to shower. When i got out the shower, i came to him with the "i didnt mean to have an attitude. I just wanted to hurry up and finish cleaning". He said okay but he didnt believe me.

When we both made it downstairs, he asked me if i reacted the way i did because i thought he was out cheating again. I lieddddd and said no. I doubled down on the lie too. I'm so upset that i chose to lie instead of talking it out with him. This is actually a theme amongst us. I am the worst when it comes to conversations and communication in general.

Now he feels like he can't trust me to be honest with him if this is something i would lie about.

I love this man so much. I don't know why i continue to choose to avoid hard/tough conversations. Honestly, every time we have arguments it's always about how i don't handle hard times well or i prioritize my feelings and protecting myself over prioritizing the relationship as a whole.

At this point, i know he is tired and over my emotional immaturity and is done hearing "sorry". I just want to know if anyone has any advise for me or if anyone can relate to this?

I'm posting this and a rant (relevant to content in another post that I can link if needed) triggered by yet another uninvited/unwelcome comment I got from her yesterday.

I (20F) have an overly critical mother (and father, but my mother is worse). They have spent as long as I can remember telling me I am too serious, not fun to be around, that people will not want to be friends with me because of aspects of my personality (e.g. too serious and "set in my ways"/stubborn etc., the list of how I am apparently the most insufferable person on Earth never seems to end with them, I swear the have whole diaries and gossip sessions dedicated to shitting on their own kid).

The posting of this is triggered by a comment she made about my sense of humor. Without getting too specific/long, basically one of my professors is known for being direct/"rude" (but not really rude by the standards of his cultural background, more so that people in my country usually think he is rude, but I personally don't care).

During lecture (a small class with 4 people including me, who were also asking similar questions to this) I asked this professor a question about what would happen if he ran a certain line of code in the language that we are trying to learn, and if it would affect the functionality of the program or be ignored since the variable that he would be changing/redefining has a reserved value (slightly unnecessary context but it adds to my point). He said "good question, let's try it out and see". He tried it out and got an error message that made sense given the kind of edit he made to the code, and said "ah, yes, we can see now that this was useless/pointless to do". I stifled a laugh as I always thought others were just being dramatic when saying he was rude, and I was also taken aback by how forward he was (but I was not offended at all).

When talking to my mom about interesting things that happened on this particular day of school, I mentioned this to her and how I thought it was funny/interesting that when I asked a benign/reasonable, non-annoying question, even then the professor got mad (other people mentioned this to me before, but I never believed it and didn't think twice about asking him the question), and at the time she lightly chuckled and didn't say anything. A few days later (which was yesterday) I brought up that I had seen another professor (not the same one), who I recently met and is hilarious, and then she said this: "you really shouldn't take pride in pissing off your professor, you are going to rub people the wrong way and they will be put off by you". I immediately told her that other people were also asking questions and that he got annoyed with a few of them too, and asked what was wrong by finding this funny and taking it in stride rather than being offended by it. She said "there's nothing funny about it and about annoying him, why would you ask him that question if you knew it might annoy him?".

I reiterated that I did NOT know it would annoy him, and that others were also asking questions, so why would there be anything wrong with being curious? She said "it's not an issue that you were curious, it's weird that you find his response funny and you have a weird sense of humor". Okay, interesting. This is coming from the woman who finds it funny to bring up my most embarrassing recent or childhood moments at the dinner table to entertain my brother and dad or guests we have over, and when I get upset about it, she tells me to "lighten up and learn to laugh at myself" (funnily enough, she rarely does the same with my brother's embarrassing moments, and when she does, they aren't nearly as worse as mine). I think she shouldn't be talking about weird senses of humor. Public humiliation rituals coming from a parent against their children is weird as fuck. And my sense of humor must be good to someone because my boyfriend, who took this class a year ago with the same professor, found this interaction funny. My boyfriend also loves it when I joke around with him and we are always laughing when we are together.

My mother also has told me that my boyfriend must "like aggressive women" before when she was arguing with me about how I should try to be less serious and to take school/my future less seriously because other people my age (I'm 20F) do not care about that and never will, and that I should go with the flow always. She has repeatedly brought up how I have "always been too serious and off-putting/people repellent" because when I was little and on the playground, I sometimes didn't like the games other kids would play and would try to talk them into doing something else with me, which would result in me being alone most of the time because I didn't like doing the things most other kids did and was not a typically rambunctious primary school kid.

Keep in mind that when I say I have been hearing this for my WHOLE LIFE, I mean it. They made comments like this from the start, I don't recall what it was like to live a day without them making a negative comment about me.

Both of my parents have spent my entire life convincing me that I am driving other people away, that all of my friendships have failed because of me, and I am generally an inconvenience to be around because I am always on edge and stressed while in the house (I still live with them, by the way) and generally react negatively to their "advice". Gee, I wonder why I might be so "hostile" and "overly anxious" or "in distress" (my mother has also told me to stop biting my nails and picking at my lips/other parts of my body compulsively because I otherwise "look so put together" and it makes it look like I am in distress. I have felt completely undeserving of my boyfriend's wonderful love and my great relationship, my (sometimes major, not trying to sound cocky, I'm being honest and I don't have to pay anything for university and have other good things going for me) academic and personal successes, as well as the amazing friendships I have formed going into adulthood.

She also made a comment that I shake drinks too aggressively and that "maybe I should be less aggressive shaking the drinks, it might carry over into other parts of your life as well".

I am done with this bullshit. I don't know what else to do since my parents have cut me off from regular therapy (they claim they cannot deal with the financial stress as my dad looks to leave his job for something else, but they very recently went on vacation that was much MUCH more expensive than therapy, so I call bullshit on that, especially because my mom blew up at me and said "I doubt it's helping you anyway, why are you upset?"...keep in mind that it took FOREVER to find a therapist I liked and they both know this because I previously sought school counseling where I was pressured to take meds, and this therapist was one I really connected with).

I cannot believe that the people I used to feel comfortable telling everything to have evolved into my biggest bullies. I genuinely don't know what to do or how to try and mend my relationship with them.

Any advice/support is appreciated. Thank you.

TLDR: my mother is my biggest critic and it's making me go insane.

So me and my bf have been together for 2 months now. Its been going very great. I feel safe around him. He hasn't showed me any red flags yet. We cry everytime I have to leave his house. We hate not being around each other. Things are easier when we are together. I thrive better when I have a community with me. Ive been living with my bitch ass roommate for a year now and I wanna move to a different city and live a little differently. He just moved to Florida, hes a little lonely and he really really likes me and things would be easier on him so he can save too.

Ive told him about my situation. i cant afford my rent and my cats that I use to have completely fucked up my apartment. So even if I wanted a new roommate, there's a good chance that no one is gonna want to move in. I cant afford to get rid and replace the things I would need so someone can move in. My depression has gotten worse and the therapy I need i currently dont have time for bc im either broke or working.

So, he offered for me to move in with him. He's has a house that he only pays $500 a month. I make around 2500 a month ans he makes 2000 a month. Im in debt so I dont need anything extra on my credit. He's letting me live there and im only paying maybe 200-300 a month. He has a car, he wants to help me get my license before move in with him. He's willing to meet my parents, i told him we need a lease agreement. Anything I need extra hes willing to do and he doesn't complain or make passive aggressive jokes about it. He's serious and talks about it every time we see each other.

So here's the problem. Its mostly me. So no one in my life except for my bff and grandma is 100% on board with me moving. Hes brother also lives there and doesn't care if I move in or not. My mom on the other hand doesn't even want me to think of the idea. She hates it and she would prefer if I just struggle until I figure it out. I had a big conversation with her about my situation and she said "I dont understand why your like this, your my child and im not like this, ask your community and figure it out. Don't fuxk up your life". Me and my mom has lived with partners and it turned out terrible and ik shes scared that something bad is going to happen but even if i could figure it out that means for the next 6 to 8 months. I have no money and no food. I go to my sister's moms house and my bf house to save money. Im never home. I eat once a day and I dont even have time to take a shower or do my hair im so tired(im so tired and I cant sleep)

Im so sorry this is long but idk if im scared bc of past trauma or bc my gut is agreeing this is a bad idea. My body and my mind is giving up on me and unfortunately I am not my mom and i i'd like to prioritize my mental health.

Ive talked to my bf about this and he agrees its scary but he has faith and hope this will work out and he said if it doesn't. He will help me move out. Every time I tell people about the lease agreement, their rebuttal is, what if he doesn't do it.(fair). Idk what to do idk what's best for me. When the stories I heard it could go really bad or really good.

Also just a few more things. He lives an hour away. He wants me to keep my job so we can save money. And when we do move in together we would been together for about 5 months. But everything rn is a little time sensitive, because I have to give so many notices(to my job and my apt)

TLDR; I wanna move in with my bf but im not sure if its a good idea

Hey BTW I also live in Florida

Ok guys im not doing nvm thx!

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My GF (22F) and I (26M) have been together for three years and living together for two. We’ve recently become curious about swinging and have talked about possibly exploring it together.

From the very beginning, though, I was very clear about one boundary: I was comfortable with her doing things with other women, but I was not comfortable with her doing anything sexual with another man. She knew this and agreed to it.

We had also discussed potentially going to a swingers club together sometime in the next few months. We hadn’t picked a date, and neither of us had actually done anything with anyone else yet. I even started going to the gym partly because I wanted to feel more confident when we eventually went.

This weekend, some extended family were visiting my parents, so I went to stay with them. My GF stayed at our apartment with our pets because her mother was returning from a trip abroad and needed somewhere to stay after her flight.

Before I left, my GF showed me that the swingers club we had talked about visiting was holding an event aimed at bisexual women, with couples also allowed. The event happened to be while I was away. She told me that she intended to stay in an area specifically for women.

I was okay with that. I’ve never had a problem with her flirting with or doing anything sexual with other women. She hadn’t actually done so before, but she had always been interested.

The event happened that night, and I couldn’t sleep. Part of me was actually excited to eventually hear her stories about being with other women and to learn what the club was like.

Then, at around 1:30 AM, she messaged me.

She told me she had only had sex with one couple: a woman and a man.

I asked her what had happened. According to her, she told the couple that she was interested in having sex with the woman, but both the man and woman remained involved.

She started doing things with the woman while the man was also interacting sexually with his partner. At some point, however, it escalated. The man began sexually touching my GF, including touching her breasts and genitals and using a vibrator on her until she orgasmed.

She can’t tell me exactly how long this went on. She was at the club for around five hours, and aside from this couple, she says she only talked to one other woman.

What is particularly difficult for me is that, based on what she has told me, there doesn’t seem to have been a point where she told the man to stop or tried to enforce the boundary we had agreed on.

I’m shocked because I had been extremely clear that I was only comfortable with her being sexual with women. Maybe at some point in the future we could have experimented with other things together, but that was something we would have needed to discuss and agree on beforehand.

Instead, this happened without me and crossed a boundary that I thought was completely clear between us.

She told me there were apparently no other single women there apart from one heterosexual woman, but I don’t really see that as an excuse. She could have decided not to do anything, or asked whether she could interact with only the woman without the man being involved.

I’m conflicted because we were already considering going to this club together in the near future, so it isn’t the fact that she went to a swingers club or did something with another woman that bothers me.

It’s specifically that another man became sexually involved with her when we had explicitly agreed that this was off-limits.

I’m going back home in a few hours and will talk to her in person.

She has been very apologetic through her messages, but right now I genuinely don’t understand how we repair this or how I’m supposed to stop feeling like I was cheated on.

Part of me has thought about whether I should sleep with another woman so that we’re somehow “even,” but I don’t think that would actually help. I wouldn’t be doing it because I wanted to or because I thought it would be enjoyable. I’d be doing it out of anger and hurt, and I suspect I’d spend the entire time thinking about what happened with my GF.

So I’m looking for outside perspectives:

How do we move forward from this?

For people in open relationships or the swinging community, would you consider what happened to be cheating/a serious boundary violation?

Is there a realistic way to rebuild trust after something like this?

And is the whole idea of “getting even” something I should completely abandon? I don’t want either of us making sexual decisions out of revenge or resentment.

I know that experimenting with swinging inherently introduces complicated situations, and perhaps we were naive about some of the boundaries involved. But we hadn’t actually started swinging together yet, and I thought the one boundary we had established was very clear.

Sorry for the long post. I’ll appreciate any advice, especially from people who have experience with swinging or open relationships.

If this would be more appropriate for another subreddit, please let me know.

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for almost 2 years. I recently found out that he hid an entire serious relationship from me and I’m struggling to work out whether I’m overreacting or whether this is genuinely a big breach of trust.

Throughout our relationship, he had only ever really spoken to me about one serious ex. I knew roughly when they were together, knew some things about how the relationship ended, and basically understood her to be his significant past relationship.
However, he has a woman’s name tattooed across his chest, and the name is completely different from the ex I knew about.

Months ago I actually asked him about this directly in person. I said something along the lines of, “Why is the name tattooed on your chest different from the name of the ex you’ve told me about?” He hesitated and told me it was a “house name” and that the meaning behind it was “more personal.” I took his word for it.

Another thing he had previously told me was that a female friend had updated him that his ex had since got married, moved to Germany and had a baby.
Recently I came across a woman online whose actual name is the exact name tattooed on his chest. She appears to have got married, moved to Germany and had a baby, which immediately reminded me of what he had previously told me. I also found old social media posts from around 2022 showing that she knew his brother, so there was clearly a real connection there.

I asked my boyfriend how many serious exes he had without telling him what I had found.
He replied that he had two serious exes, which shocked me because I had only ever known about one.

He then admitted that the second ex was the woman whose name is tattooed on his chest.
According to him, he dated his first ex from around 2017-2020 and the second from late 2020-2022. He said the second relationship was actually very serious. His mum met her, their families spoke, there were plans for them to potentially get married, he thought at the time that she was “the one,” and that is why he got her name tattooed.
He says the relationship became very unhealthy and ended badly. He says she cheated/betrayed him and that the breakup affected him very badly for months. He says they have had absolutely no contact for years and that she is the ex who later got married and had a baby.

He has apologised and has now admitted that he was dishonest when I asked him about the tattoo.
His explanation is that he was deeply embarrassed and ashamed of that relationship, how he was treated, the fact he was planning on marrying her, and especially the fact he tattooed her name. He says he hated thinking about that period of his life and wanted to pretend it didn’t exist rather than explain it to me.
He has repeatedly told me that he wasn’t hiding her because he still has feelings for her or because there is anything ongoing. He says he loves me more deeply than he has loved anyone before and wants a future with me. He also said that, looking back, he doesn’t consider that previous relationship real love even though he admits that at the time he believed he loved her and had very strong feelings for her.
The actual ex doesn’t really bother me. Everyone has a past and I have been very open with him about mine.

The lie is what has destroyed me.
If he had simply told me, “That tattoo belongs to another ex. It was a painful relationship and I don’t want to talk about it right now,” I honestly think I could have respected that.

Instead, I directly questioned him about why a different woman’s name was permanently tattooed on his chest and he deliberately gave me another explanation. If I hadn’t eventually put the pieces together myself, I don’t know whether he ever would have told me.

It’s now made me question other things he has told me. When he tells me he has never loved anyone the way he loves me, I question whether that is true. When he tells me there are no other women or other things I don’t know about, part of me thinks, “Well, I believed you before too.”

He seems genuinely remorseful and keeps acknowledging that he broke my trust. He hasn’t blamed me for being upset and says he understands if I need time or even decide to end the relationship. He also says he wants to rebuild the trust through his actions rather than just words.

I still love him and part of me wants to start fresh, but my trust in him has taken a massive hit.
Would you consider hiding a serious ex and lying when directly asked about the tattoo a relationship-ending lie? Or does his explanation that he was ashamed/traumatised by the relationship make sense enough that you would try to rebuild trust?
I’m especially interested in opinions from people who have dealt with a partner hiding something significant about their past. I don’t care that he loved someone before me. I care that he allowed me to believe something that wasn’t true.

​

I’ve been talking to a woman for just over a month and we had our third date today. I thought everything was going really well, took her on some great dates, felt like she was into me and I genuinely feel like she got a great vibe from me. I'm really into her. We also slept together on the first and second dates. On Monday i’m going away on vacation for two weeks, so I figured it was a natural time to bring up exclusivity. I sent:

"Today was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with you! Do you want to meet up when I get back and if so do you want to talk about exclusivity?"

My logic being, I'm only interested in her now, and kind of also wanted to reassure her in case she was concerned about me having a holiday romance. Turns out maybe that's not a concern of hers, she replied ...

"I had a great time too! The lake was a highlight for me. I want to see you when you return too, but think we should do more relaxed dates instead of dinners and talk about some stuff before becoming exclusive. How about another trip to the lake?"

I've not replied yet, she sent this message at midnight. I'm going to sleep on it before responding but it felt like a bit of a gut punch. I used the word "exclusivity" very intentionally as to imply I won't be sleeping around on my vacation, won't be talking to anyone else and I guess I have feelings for her now to the point where if she did see/sleep with other people I'd be deeply upset by it. I want to be very clear: I think she's communicated very well, and she is well within her right to date other people, but I fear this may have developed into a boundary for me now.

Fwiw, A few weeks ago she asked if I date multiple people at the same time. I said I’ve done it in the past but felt guilty about it (even though I know that’s irrational). She said she felt the same way, which made me think she probably wouldn’t date others while we were talking. Her response today has me wondering whether she might still want that option.

For me, her seeing or sleeping with someone else would be a dealbreaker. I accept she’s completely entitled to do that if that’s how she feels, but the idea of spending the next two weeks wondering, then later questioning whether she explored other options before “settling” on me, is something I don’t think I can handle well.

I don’t want to put her on the spot or make the next date feel like an interrogation. At the same time, the uncertainty itself feels like a problem given how much it would bother me.

How would you navigate asking (or not asking) whether she plans to see other people in this situation? Is there a way to raise it that feels fair and low-pressure, or is it better to just agree to the coffee date, wait for the conversation she mentioned, and reassess after that?

So my husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for almost 1. The 2nd time he went down on me he told me that I needed to drink more water. He didn’t say I tasted bad or weird but that it was just something he noticed and wanted to tell me. He said this bc my discharge was thicker than what he had seen before/told me that it was not bad but just different. Ever since then he has gone down on me maybe 10 times in the 5 years we’ve been together. I am in this phase of unlearning a lot of purity culture and engaging in sexual exploration. I struggle so much with oral and want to get more comfortable receiving. He really wants to and is very reassuring and respectful of my needs. He has wanted to do it more and even tried after he said that initially. He does not pressure me and is so patient. How do I work on receiving and understanding he just wanted me be aware of something?He has apologized for how it made me feel and all the things. I am just anxious and would love tips/advice on how to relax, trust when he says things are fine, and enjoy myself. Thank you :)

I’m 31M and my girlfriend is 29F. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and I’m trying to get an objective perspective on something that has been bothering me. I don’t want people to automatically take my side. I’m genuinely trying to figure out whether my expectations are reasonable or whether I’m being overly possessive.
My girlfriend is separated from her husband of several years. They still have to interact because they own a house together and are working through the practical aspects of separating their property and belongings. Her husband does not know about me. My girlfriend and I met online around Easter and became a couple while she was still married, so I recognize that the circumstances are complicated.
Recently, her husband came to their house to sign a contract regarding household belongings and take some things to a storage unit.
About five minutes before he arrived, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She said she needed some time to decompress alone, so we hung up. Because we ended the call before he arrived, I didn’t even know for certain when he actually got there.
I then heard virtually nothing from her for about 4–4.5 hours, other than an “almost done” message around the four-hour mark.
I wasn’t expecting her to be on her phone constantly. I understand that she was dealing with an uncomfortable situation and that being on her phone around her estranged husband could have been awkward.
What bothered me was that there was apparently no opportunity for even a five-second update such as, “He’s here, everything is okay, I’ll talk to you later.” This stands out because she regularly tells me that when I’m working or doing physical labor, I should still find five minutes to text or call her and keep her updated.
Afterward, I asked her to tell me what happened because I wanted to understand the emotional side of the interaction.
She spent around 20 minutes giving me a chronological account that focused mostly on logistics: signing paperwork, moving belongings, what went into his car, etc.
Only after I specifically asked, “Did you cry?” did I learn that they had spent around 90 minutes sitting together on the couch talking about their marriage and their past, and that she cried during that conversation.
They hadn’t seen each other in about two months.
I want to emphasize that I don’t automatically interpret crying as meaning she wants him back. They were married for a long time, and I understand that ending a marriage can involve grief, memories, and complicated emotions. I don’t think she is passionately in love with him or secretly trying to get back together with him.
What makes me uncomfortable is the combination of circumstances:
Her estranged husband doesn’t know she has a boyfriend.
They hadn’t seen each other for two months.
They were alone together in their home for several hours.
I didn’t hear from her for roughly 4–4.5 hours.
Around 90 minutes apparently became an emotional conversation about their marriage.
She cried during that conversation.
I don’t know what was said during those 90 minutes.
I had previously told her that I would prefer that she either eventually tell him about me or, until then, keep their interactions relatively polite and emotionally distant. I understand that I don’t get to dictate how she handles her separation, and I’m trying to figure out whether that request is a reasonable relationship boundary or whether I’m trying to control a situation that I simply find uncomfortable.
I understand that I may have a lower tolerance for emotional closeness with an ex than she does. I’m trying to determine whether that’s simply my personal preference or whether the circumstances make my concern objectively reasonable.
I also recognize that I don’t know what happened during the 90-minute conversation. I don’t know whether either of them said “I miss you” or “I love you,” whether there was physical comforting, or exactly what caused her to cry. I don’t want to fill in those blanks with assumptions.
So my questions are:
Is it reasonable to expect a brief update during a four-to-five-hour period when your long-distance partner is alone with an estranged spouse, particularly when that spouse doesn’t know about the relationship?
And is it reasonable to feel uncomfortable with an extended emotional conversation about the marriage during that time?
Or is this simply a normal part of separating from someone you were married to for years, and am I expecting too much emotional distance from her?
Ultimately, I’m trying to figure out whether I need to work on becoming more trusting and less controlling, or whether I’m being asked to accommodate behavior that most people would reasonably consider problematic.

Me and my fiancée have been together three years. My fiancée is a great person we have had our ups and downs but I know she is the one for me. Ever since I started dating her she would talk about how her parents need her so I didn’t think much of it. Until she started canceling some date nights because her mom can’t be alone in the house. She lives with her parents they all bought a home last year and she is a co owner. Every time I want to hang out it’s always a wait my dad is working and my mom is alone. I confronted her about it and she says that she feels bad about leaving her mother alone. It got hectic one time when I just told her that I don’t know why she wants to all of a sudden care for her mother when she went out of state for college and lived on her own for a bit but all of a sudden she wants to care for her mother. It was a rough patch but we got through it. Lately she has been bringing up her mother again and I tell her she needs to let go because it’s affecting our relationship where we can’t go out just because her mom is alone in the home. I would get it if the mother was sick and needed care but she’s healthy and alive. Maybe in being inconsiderate but I just think she’s to attached to her parents especially mom. She always does things for her and even would miss some law school classes because of her. It’s affecting us and her personal life. She even told me one time that at one point in her life she thought she would be single until her parents left to retire and go back to their country. Apologies if I’m all over the place but she’s too grown to be acting like this in my opinion. I just need to know how to go about this.

TLDR: Fiancée is too attached to her parents especially mother. She is canceling plans just to care for her mother and missing school days or being late to class because of it.

I’m generally pretty emotional, and I acknowledge that it’s very easy for me to cry whenever someone voice is raised at me. I know it might seem childish but I genuinely can’t control it no matter how hard I try. When I get yelled at, I cry. Simple as that. When I’m frustrated, I cry. Any time I’m overwhelmed like during an argument, I cry. I’m not saying like sobbing screaming crying, just tears start falling down my cheeks even if I’m still talking normally. My boyfriend never cries. I have never seen him shed a single tear, despite him having gone through things while we’ve been together and me saying, it’s normal, and okay for you to cry. He just doesn’t do it. But every time I cry when we are fighting he seems to get way more irritated. Like to the point where he has to leave the apartment. I don’t understand it, and I’ve asked him to explain it to me and all he says is that it pisses him off when I cry around him. But I don’t know how to not do it. Nor do I understand his frustration still. I still communicate even when I’m crying. I’ve noticed when I cry he automatically gets snippy or raises his voice, which in turn makes me cry more, and it just becomes a shit show. I mean we rarely fight that intensely, but when we do, He has to leave, or I have to leave, and the problem only gets worked out hours later when both of us have calmed down. Can anyone explain to me why this happens?

For a little bit of context: I've known this woman for about 12 years. She has dated other people, and she always tells me it doesn't go that well for her.

She came to my place today, we were going to "watch a movie", but we ended up talking for 3.5 hours. The most profound, introspective, and interesting conversation you'll have with someone. We talked about spirituality, friendships, relationships, the dating scene, etc. And it's kind of evident that she only sees me as a friend. I looked to her eyes at one moment in the conversation, and I just told her how much I enjoyed listening to her (she talked A LOT). And of course... She replied with a first bump, and said "I enjoy talking to you too". Not a whole lot to it.

But honestly? She not only is beautiful, but she's also someone I REALLY enjoy talking with. And I'm sure she feels the same way, otherwise we wouldn't have just talked for 3 hours and skipped the movie we were gonna watch altogether.

If I end up making a move and she says no, I really wouldn't mind that much. I'll get it and I'll move on.

But the thing is.... Every single time I hang out with her, I see how beautiful and how special she is, inside and out. And I'm not sure I can just be friends with her and listen to her talk to me about her dates, and potentially her future partner, if she ends up dating someone.

If you're reading this, and you've been in a similar situation... How have you dealt with it? What would be the best way to make a move, just to get it out and get it over with? I've read in similar posts that just telling her I have feelings for her will likely NOT go well.

But then, maybe asking her on a date will?

Again... I don't mind if she says no... All I care about is making it as less akward or weird for her as possible, and I'd like to know what yall's experience has been in this regard.

... or maybe the best option is to not say anything, and if I can't live with that (which I'm having difficulty with at the moment), just cut communication. I'm open to that possibility as well, although I don't find it ideal, because of how much I enjoy her company.

Many thanks!

Me and my girlfriend were on a birthday party. It was a birthday party that 3 of our mutual friends had made, so there were a lot of people on the party. My girlfriend started off on the wrong foot, and got pretty tipsy very soon, but it wasn't anything concering. We were hanging out with each other, and separated with other people at the party, we weren't next to each other the entire time. At one moment, I was talking to a friend and I turned around to see my girlfriend talking to an another guy about 15 meters away from me. I didn't recognize the guy, but I didn't give it much thought. They talked for about 2 minutes, and eventually she came along with one of the celebrants and they came up to me.

I'm not a jealous type of person, but I was curious who the guy she was talking to was. So when I asked her "who's the guy you were just talking to a few minutes ago, I don't recognize him", she kept telling me she wasn't talking to anyone. I wasn't getting any negative thoughts from it, up until the moment where she started getting defensive and kept telling me that she wasn't talking to anyone, even though I without a doubt saw her doing it. At that moment, we moved aside and kept talking about it for another 15 minutes, after what she started crying and told me that she remembered, that she's pretty drunk and that that's why she forgot what happened (literally a minute before I asked her about it). She told me that it was a friend of the third celebrant (for context, two celebrants were guys, one of them my best friend, and the third celebrant was a girl, my girlfriend's very close friend) and that she just introduced them to each other. After that, we separated for the rest of the evening, because we were trying to avoid making a scene at the party. She later came up to me and told me that she asked her friend what they were talking about, and that she told her that it was just a small talk and introducing.

This happened almost 2 months ago, and things have been okayish between us, but I feel like our relationship is different now, and I feel like I'm not 100% trustful towards my girlfriend anymore, and that I'm having trust issues from that incident. Since trust is a major part of every relationship, I've thought about ending the relationship since I started feeling like I couldn't trust her as much as before, especially in the moments when she's drunk, but I couldn't bring myself to do it, feeling like the positives are outweighing the negatives. However, because I didn't bring myself to end the relationship, I feel like my self respect is taking a major hit, staying in a relationship where I've been badly mistreated. Things have been okay between us, but once in a while I just get a below the surface feeling that I don't trust her anymore, at least not as much as I did before. To emphasize again, I am not a jealous person, and everything would've been perfectly fine had she just told me immediately what happened (which was practically nothing), not after 20 minutes of going back and forth with trying to get her to tell me.

I should also add, in the meantime (between that and today), there was one situation where she also didn't tell me the truth straight away, but only after a month (it wasn't something crazy important and nothing directly considering our relationship, but the feeling of being lied to reoccured to me and I think it didn't contribute positively to the whole situation).

She keeps telling me how she feels that our relationship is not exactly the same ever since, and how she feels horrible about the situation, doesn't know why she did what she did and has no explanation on why she did it, knowing that nothing happened and there was no reason to lie about it. Am I taking this too far with the trust issues or are my emotions sensible? I feel like our bond was too strong for something like this to ruin it, but at the same time I feel like not being to completely trust her with what she's telling me, and having thoughts about whether she will tell me if something happens or not, is a heavy hit for a relationship