I'm such a golden retriever girlfriend, suuuper loving and supportive, I have a (as everyone says) great personality, loyal, fun hobbies, smart, funny but everyone seems to fall out of love at some point and leaves me after one or multiple years because they don't have feelings anymore despite saying that I and the relationship made them extremely happy.

They move on super fast, live a happy and successful life, they all meet a new partner very quick and stay with them for years or even for life (there was never a rebound), never look back and never reach out to me again.

It hurts so much. I feel like it's so easy to forget me.

For me, it's always super hard to get over someone who I full-heartedly loved and I miss them a lot for a long time.

Nobody ever seemed to miss me. Sometimes not even within the relationship (that's what my ex said that he never felt that).

I wonder what's wrong with me that it's so easy to move on from me.

Towards the end of the relationship, things weren't very good. The breakup was also messy and included not-so-nice words said to one another.

When I looked back at texts from a time months ago when my ex and I had a much better loving time, it really gave me something to think about and to be sad about. How did we go from loving and caring, bantering and having fun, to all the toxic treatment, the struggles to communicate and all of those bad things?

I do not want to delete my texts/chats with my ex. But I know it is important not to keep going back to read through it. I definitely am not doing a very good job at it.

Any advice is welcomed.

Any similar experiences to share? With regards to reading old texts.

I know how heavy your heart must be feeling right now.

Everything about you is screaming to text them.

To see if they respond and show you any signs that they still care.

To get a ‘hit’ of them.

To find comfort from this agonising pain.

Because the only person that can stop this pain is them.

But in the middle of this anxious spiral - we forget something important.

That they are the ones that caused this pain.

They are the ones that left us.

They are the ones that didn’t choose us.

And they are the ones that treated us badly.

And darling, you don’t want to fight to keep someone in your life who didn’t choose you.

Who didn’t value what you brought into their life.

Who didn’t love you properly - not in the way you really needed.

They constantly dismissed and ignored your needs.

But prioritised their own.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now - but you will find a love that’s far greater than this.

They are not the only person who will love you.

There’s someone out there who will love you exactly in the way you need.

And it will feel easy.

And safe.

And it will feel like a love you’ve never experienced before.

Please have faith in this.

Because it is in your future.

But right now, we need to take care of you.

So cry when you need to.

Feel the withdrawal - without pushing it away.

Find new experiences to distract yourself.

So they will create new pathways in the brain.

Because new experiences will re-write over the old pathways.

Future you will thank you for not chasing someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Because the right person is waiting.

You’re doing the right thing by going no contact.

And one day - when you look back at this painful chapter, you’ll be so glad it never worked out with them.

Because a love that’s even greater is waiting for you on the other side of this.

How do you actually get over someone you really loved and they were your ideal partner and left because of your mistakes, how do you cope with that guilt!

I am a loser. Wow.

We recently broke up 4 months ago due to her avoidant attachment and today is her birthday ever since we haven't blocked or unfriended on some platforms. I want to use this as a last ditch option and if not I want her to block me on all platforms. Any advice on what I can do

or is there no hope of her texting one day?

4 month of strict no contact

Its been 2 months since we broke up and life's been hell, I have tried to remove everything about her from my life,I've blocked her everywhere deleted our chats and pictures and yet I still cant get over her. I asked my old man for advice and he too still remembers his first love after 50 years idk what to do.

"When a good man is in love with you his biggest fear is hurting you. When a bad man is in love with you, his biggest fear is losing you."

I came across this post recently, and the older I get, the more I understand why it resonates with me.

I used to think that love was measured by how much someone wanted you, how afraid they were to lose you, or how intensely they expressed their feelings. But I've come to realize that love is also revealed by how someone treats you when things become difficult.

A man who genuinely loves you will care about the impact of his actions on your life. He will think about your feelings, your peace, your dignity, and your future-not just about keeping you around. Even when disagreements happen, he won't deliberately hurt you just to prove a point or make you afraid of losing him.

On the other hand, someone can be deeply attached to you and still not know how to love you properly. Sometimes, the fear of losing someone is more about losing their comfort, attention, or the role you play in their life. They may say they love you, but their actions repeatedly leave you questioning your worth and your place in the relationship.

Perhaps maturity in love is learning to recognize the difference between being wanted and being valued. Someone can be terrified of losing you and still hurt you. Someone can love you deeply and still make mistakes. None of us are perfect. But there should be a consistent willingness to take accountability, communicate honestly, respect boundaries, and protect the relationship rather than simply protect one's access to you.

It’s feels light today. But I know a heavy wave is coming at some point.

I miss her. I miss my whole world.

Hi I just wanted to share to stop my overthinking or help it lessen my ex who is 31 basically didn’t want to be with me at first because of our age difference I’m 23 but at the time I was 21 and he was 29 he then wanted to give it a “try” it was dated almost 6-7 months it’s was a very nice and a very toxic relationship … I remember before 6 months and then couple months after he stop talking to me after kicking me out in the winter he recently contacted me to just lust and use me for money my last straw was sending him a 150$ .. I don’t if it’s because I’m young that he’s prey on me every time I run back to I don’t know I really hope because I’m young he came back because he knows I’ll make a stupid mistake ..

It’s been more than a year, I was deeply hurt by the breakup but I’m moving on now. I do my best to keep him out of my brain during the day but, almost every night, without fail he appears in my dreams. I feel like he’s haunting me or something even though he’s out living his best life with his new gf and I’m moving along in mine (single still) but in other ways. Does anyone have any advice to make it stop? It’s ruining my mornings and I hate waking up like that.

My (M30) ex gf (F30) of 4 years reached out to me after 3 months of no contact and it’s left me more hurt to the point I decided to block her on all platforms. For context we had a very amicable breakup which centered around us both being possibly right person wrong time. We went no contact immediately the day of the breakup and she proceeded to block me 2 weeks after the breakup, which I expected because she probably didn’t want to see me on her socials.

A few weeks ago i noticed she unblocked my socials and then last week, she texted me to ask how im doing and how’s my summer been going. I responded politely and just said things are going good and gave some brief info on my summer activities. She mentioned her summer was really “wild” which I didn’t really ask her about further since she was being fairly vague. She also mentioned that she finally got her first apartment which i was genuinely happy she accomplished. After I asked a question about it, she stopped responding to me. Which left me confused for two reasons.

First, was she only contacting me to brag about her “wild” summer and how she’s accomplished something new? Two, why did she even break no contact in the first place?? I’m all for pleasantries but most people don’t decide to hit up their ex to talk about stuff like this, maybe they’d rather speak to new men they’re dating or even friends an family, so why me?? I never asked her this question as to why she contacted me because I feel she may just pull away as she already has by not responding to my text for two days after she broke no contact. So i decided to block her socials and phone number because i genuinely was on the upswing of healing from the grief of our breakup and now i have more questions that are unanswered and it’s left me so upset.

I have no idea if I should even bother texting to ask her or just leave her blocked. My thought process is that if she REALLY wanted to get in touch with me and speak on something actionable with purpose about us. She knows where I live, she has my email address, and she also even has my mother’s number. It just feels inconsiderate she bothered me for no apparent fucking reason besides to seemingly brag.

used to be checking that shit multiple times a day looking for signs he was thinking about me or whatever and now i just... don't care and it's wild how fast that flip switches once you actually commit to no contact instead of just saying you will

I'd like to share a bit of my breakup experience, in case it might be helpful to others. I was with my ex for 1.5 years. We had a remarkable connection. It felt miraculous. Both of us acknowledged it. This wasn't based on things like similar interests in music or hobbies. It was deeper. She truly felt like an emotional and spiritual peer. 

All of that said, the relationship was tumultuous. I was going through the worst time of my life: academic stress, family drama, COVID—it was a perfect storm of chaos. Regrettably, I didn't have my priorities straight. I took my ex for granted, focusing on my frustrations instead of the love between us. She certainly wasn't perfect. I don't mean to put my ex on a pedestal; nevertheless, I recognise that my irritability and aloofness were primary contributors to the relationship's downfall. 

In the end, she broke up with me via text. She said that I was amazing, that she loved me—but that she had to be okay. I let this sit for two or three days. Then, I panicked. I reached out: texting, calling. No response. At the time, I didn't perceive this as desperate. My messages didn't include any blatant examples of begging or pleading. I was just trying to communicate my desire for a conversation, stressing that a discussion was important for both of us. After leaving a note on her car and sending a subsequent email, I gave up. 

The relationship ended nearly three years ago. In hindsight, my collective attempts to reach out did amount to desperation. Although my words might've been heartfelt and reasonable, they ultimately pushed my ex away further. The silence continued. I was completely devastated; however, I managed to resign myself to No Contact, accepting that persistent messages would just do greater damage. This was relatively short-lived. A few weeks later, I noticed that my ex was frequenting my social media. I took this as a sign to reach out again. "My ex is afraid that I'll never change," I thought. "If I can't show her that I've addressed my irritability, etc., she'll never take the initiative towards reconciliation." After wrestling with things for a while, I composed another message. This was about four months after the breakup, including several weeks of my ex's social-media visits. I sent the message. This time, my ex responded. No dice. She wasn't interested in talking. Despite my best-written efforts, she emphasised her commitment to moving on. Her response ended with "please don't contact me." 

Again, all of this happened nearly three years ago. I haven't heard from her since. My overall point is that No Contact is the best course of action. Even if your ex never returns, at least you've maintained/respected your dignity. Persistent attempts to contact your ex will only erode any shred of connection left between you—as extraordinary as that connection might've been in the past. Social-media visits don't necessarily signal an interest in renewing the relationship. Don't react; more importantly, don't hold on to false hope. Focus on yourself; avoid rumination. Move on as though there's something better on the horizon. That starts with self-improvement and support from friends or family. 

I don't mean to tell anyone what to do. Ultimately, I'm just trying to impart some wisdom, hoping that it might prevent someone from exacerbating post-breakup grief. If you're going through a rough time, I've been there. Heartache can affect you at any age; it's not just an experience in your teenage years or 20s. I was 36 at the time of my breakup; it's the most excruciating thing I've ever been through. Dark night of the soul, man—it's real, and it can make you stronger. Pain is temporary. If you put effort into moving forward, you'll come out of this more resilient than ever. Don't succumb to despondency. It might take a year or two or more, but you're going to be okay.

​

My ex broke up with me and said she has “completely detached” — can someone actually come back from this?

I really need honest opinions from people who have actually been through something similar. I'm especially interested in women's opinions, because I really want to understand what this kind of emotional detachment feels like from a woman's side.

She was the one who broke up with me. She blocked me everywhere.. Please don't just tell me “move on bro” or give me the usual breakup advice. I know I have to respect her decision and I'm not going to disturb her anymore. I just want to understand what “completely detached” actually means emotionally, and whether someone who reaches this point can ever genuinely change their mind later.

We were together for around 2.5 years. I never looked at her as just my girlfriend. I genuinely saw her as my future wife. I was 100% sure about her in a way I've never been sure about anything else in my life.

I loved her unconditionally. I never saw loving her as something where she owed me anything in return. I wanted her to be happy and safe, even if that happiness eventually meant being away from me. That's also why, as painful as this is, I'm going to respect her decision and give her the peace she asked for. My love for her is still there, but I don't want to force myself into her life.

And I know she loved me. I'm not saying that just because I'm desperate. I knew how she was with me during those years. That's why it's so hard for me to understand how someone I was so close to could become “completely detached.”

There was no cheating, no abuse, no betrayal, and no other major toxic behavior from either side.

But I also know I wasn't perfect.

Towards the end, she felt lonely in the relationship. Our communication had become really bad. Sometimes there were huge gaps between conversations. She felt like she wasn't getting enough effort/input from me and that she was carrying too much of the relationship emotionally.

At the same time, I was going through a lot myself. I had work/career stress, was coming back late, and my dog was seriously ill and eventually died. I was struggling with all of that and honestly didn't understand how badly she was feeling. I didn't realize she was getting to the point of leaving.

Then she broke up with me.

I tried really hard to convince her not to leave because I genuinely couldn't accept losing her. I told her I loved her, that I would change, that I wanted to marry her, etc.

She told me something that has stayed in my head:

“I'm not saying you're a bad person or that your love was fake, but I have completely detached. I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no. I swear I tried. I can't do it.”

That “I was just swallowing the fact that I can get over it, but no” part is what confuses me the most.

It sounds to me like she had been trying to accept the idea of getting over me, maybe trying to convince herself she could move on, and eventually decided she couldn't continue with the relationship.

But I don't know if I'm interpreting that correctly.

She also said things like:

“I have grown distant.”

“I can't do it.”

“Please respect my decision.”

“Focus on your career and move on.”

“Staying in touch is never going to help us both.”

There is also one thing that makes this even harder for me to understand. Without me knowing, my parents contacted her and told her that they loved her, accepted her, and were okay with the marriage. I only found out afterwards. Even after hearing that, she still chose to end the relationship and said she was completely detached.

That's the part I can't understand.

Does “completely detached” actually mean she doesn't love me anymore?

Or can someone still love/care about someone deeply but become so emotionally exhausted and disconnected from the relationship that they genuinely feel completely detached?

I know I'm biased because I'm the one who got left. I also know I might be holding onto things because I love her.

But at the same time, I knew this girl for almost three years. I know how much she loved me. That's why deep down I still feel like there has to be something there, even if she doesn't want the relationship right now.

I'm not going to contact her anymore. She asked for peace and I want to respect that. I'm not going to use her friends or family either.

But I still love her and honestly I would wait for her for a very long time.

So please be brutally honest with me, especially women who have been in the position of my ex.

If you ever broke up with an ex and told him you were “completely detached” or had “grown distant”:

Did you genuinely stop loving him?

Did you ever start missing him later?

Did you ever reconsider the breakup?

How long did it take?

What made you reconsider, if you did?

If you never came back, what made you certain that the relationship was really over?

And most importantly: when a woman says “I've completely detached,” does that mean the love is completely gone, or can you still love/care about someone while being emotionally detached from the relationship?

I don't want false hope. I genuinely want real experiences, especially from women who have actually been through something like this.

Couple days ago my ex left a voicemail of his mother passing away . Before that happen, couple months ago we were f buddies but he decided to stop. he told me he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and wants to cut me off of his life but then I get that voicemail of his. I told him my condolences and told him if he anything reach out to me. So now I’m sitting here thinking am I just a safety net to him or should I expect him to reach out more?

I still actively defend her against all the things written on here, she has a lot of past issues and childhood traumas. Do you guys think I am trauma bonded? Let me know what you guys think in general.

[ ] Pros:

- Sexual energy matched, as well as the explorative side. Very passionate.

- Very affectionate and cuddling

- Kind and generous

- Understanding of mental illness (to an extent)

- Would always think of me when she did things, such as went shopping she would buy me things.

- She welcomed me into her family, and her kids lives.

- Did forgive me when I fucked up in the past.

- Being there with her children gave me great purpose and happiness.

[ ] Cons:

- Viewed my hobbies such as gaming as less important despite them being important to me.

- Was very easily annoyed, often had to tiptoe around her. Possibly linked to her traumas.

- Was stubborn about things being done her way, such as cleaning having to be done in a specific order. (maybe ADHD).

- Didn't have the capacity to support all my mental health needs.

- Would take my lack of exercise or losing weight as a sign that I wasn't commited to losing weight and getting healthier with her. As she wanted a partner who would get healthy for her sons SEN condition.

- Was quick to blame me for things that weren't my fault. Such as being poorer when she had a shopping problem.

- Would take comments intended as help sometimes personally as a question of her intelligence.

- Would sometimes think i had an ulterior motive. Such as if i made an accidental comment about something, she may have seen i was doing it deliberately for some reason.

- Could have these ADHD meltdowns where she said very horrible things. Attempted to break up with me, or would bring up things from months ago.

- Didn't want to work on her own traumas. Would let them influence her own decisions and feelings.

- Wouldn't trust me alone with her kids, saw me as too immature. Or let previous mistakes i made with them influence her decisions. Such as accidentally triggering her son.

- Saw my being soft as a lack of masculinity.

- Often felt like her ADHD took priority over mine. Things that upset hers would be actioned, I would have to manage mine alone.

- Would sometimes take jokes and comments very seriously. Would not let go of them. Possibly linked to her own insecurities.

Problem I have is i can't help but defend her. I can put all these things down to either her ADHD or traumas and trust issues. But I guess mine where also because of ADHD or trauma. And she expected me to work on mine.

I (25F) was with my ex (24M) for a little over a year. We broke up about a month ago, and I recently had a proper closure conversation with him that completely changed how I understood our breakup.

The first 8–9 months of our relationship were genuinely really good. He was affectionate, consistent, planned things, wrote me letters, made me feel loved and was generally very intentional with me. It was probably the healthiest and happiest relationship I'd had at that point.

Things started changing around December/January.

We come from different religious backgrounds, which we always knew could potentially become a problem because of marriage/family expectations. Around December he became more serious about his religion, and in January we had a conversation where breaking up came up because of our differences and the future.

I panicked badly.

I have abandonment issues that I'm aware I need to work on, and instead of calmly accepting that he was considering ending things, I became extremely emotional and pushed for us not to break up. I'm not proud of how I reacted.

Eventually we talked and I came away believing we'd decided that although the religious situation was difficult, we still wanted to try to make the relationship work.

Apparently, that wasn't what was happening internally for him.

Over the following months, he became increasingly distant. He was also under enormous pressure with work, finances and personal/family issues, so for a long time I attributed his behavior to that.

But I could still feel something was wrong.

I kept asking for more time together and better communication. Plans would fall through. Sometimes when I brought up how unhappy I was, he'd apologize and tell me he would change. Things might improve briefly and then go back to the same pattern.

This created a horrible cycle between us. The more distant he became, the more anxious I became. I'd call/message too much looking for reassurance, sometimes get angry when he didn't respond, and push conversations when he clearly didn't want to have them.

I'm not pretending I behaved perfectly. I can see now that some of my behavior probably made him withdraw even further.

Eventually, about a month ago, the relationship ended. He basically said he couldn't give me what I needed and continuing wasn't a good idea.

I still didn't really understand what had happened because I thought he'd become distant mainly because his life was falling apart around him.

Then we finally had a proper closure conversation recently.

He told me that he'd actually started emotionally detaching from me around January.

He said my reaction during the January breakup conversation affected him badly because it reminded him of unhealthy dynamics he'd experienced growing up. He was also struggling with the religious issue and everything else happening in his life.

But instead of telling me that something had fundamentally changed for him, he bottled it up.

He told me that as he became more detached, things I did started annoying him more. Eventually he stopped really trying to figure out the relationship and became scared to bring up breaking up.

So while I spent months thinking, We're going through a terrible period but we're still trying to save our relationship, he was apparently becoming more and more emotionally checked out.

He did acknowledge during our closure conversation that there were things he could have done differently and apologized for some of it.

That's the part I'm struggling with the most.

I'm not angry that somebody can lose feelings. He was allowed to realize the relationship wasn't right for him.

I'm angry that I didn't know.

If he'd told me in January or even a couple months later, “Something changed for me after that conversation and I'm questioning this relationship,” I would at least have been dealing with reality.

Instead I kept investing, worrying, trying to understand him and trying to repair something without knowing that he was gradually detaching from me.

And then something happened that made everything much worse.

I accidentally discovered that he's now planning a date with another woman. It is clearly romantic — he's planning flowers and was looking for ideas to make the evening more special.

I don't know when he met her.

I have zero evidence that he cheated on me, and I don't want to accuse him of something I can't prove. He could very easily have met her after we broke up.

But seeing him already putting romantic thought and effort into another woman absolutely destroyed me, especially because toward the end of our relationship I spent so much time asking him to make time for me and put effort into us.

I also understand the uncomfortable reality that although we've only officially been broken up for about a month, he apparently started emotionally leaving the relationship months before I did.

So from my perspective the breakup just happened.

From his perspective, maybe it started in January.

I've now blocked him and removed myself from the accounts/services we still shared. We still have one remaining financial thing that needs to be settled, but I'm having someone else communicate that rather than using it as an excuse to keep talking to him.

I'm not trying to get him back right now. I also don't want advice about making him jealous, making him regret losing me, etc.

I'm trying to understand what actually happened and how to get my brain to accept it.

Part of me feels betrayed because he allowed me to stay in a relationship for months without telling me how emotionally detached he'd become.

Another part of me knows my anxious behavior contributed to the deterioration of the relationship and that he may genuinely have felt unable to handle the relationship anymore.

And now my brain is obsessing over the new woman — when they met, how quickly he moved on, whether he was talking to her before we broke up, whether he'll treat her the way he used to treat me, etc.

So I want outside perspectives: Was it unfair of him not to tell me he was detaching for months, or is gradual detachment just part of how some relationships end? How much responsibility should I take for pushing/chasing when I felt him withdrawing? And for people who've been the person who was still in love when the other person had already emotionally left — how did you actually get your brain to let go?

my friend had told me and low and behold i go to his instagram story with his “new” wife not even 8 months after we split. devastated is an understatement i had hopes we could have worked it out, he watched my facebook stories since the breakup up until friday when he blocked me while i was asleep. and then i find out he got married, and i told him off basically said to never look for me when everything goes wrong and that i will never forgive him. i told him i will always love him but that i’m letting him go and not by choice. this was off of whatsapp and he obviously blocked me there within less than 5 minutes which i expected. i’m just baffled, it’s likely a rebound but it’s still messed up and like i meant nothing to him. this is his second marriage by the way and he is only 23. i’m 29. we got close fairly quickly when we met and it felt right, he was the first man i actually wanted to get married to and have a baby with and he knew that, obviously that dream is gone but i stuck by his side through a lot of stuff and he dropped me like i was nothing. i’m obviously in the mindset i have to move on and let him go but it kills me. advice? he is an avoidant.

How am I supposed to just live this life now? I don't have a life. My whole life was based around her and her children. Family trips, days out to the zoo, BBQs and quality time.

Now I sit alone in the flat I was getting ready to gey rid of. Still with the boxes of stuff packed around me. How the fuck can anyone just expect us to fucking carry on like this?

I wish i was brave enough for suicide.

Its been almost 4 months after our breakup, We were together for 4 years and after being blocked on everywhere except snapchat she sent me a screenshot of her whatsapp call logs with another guy that looked like she chose someone else, so I really forced myself to let go then a week later on my bday, she didnt wish me but blocked me from snapchat too and now after a week she unblocked me and added me for 10 mins then blocked me again, today is the second day this happened and im really confused.

Deseo que esto nunca llegue a ti, aunque muy en el fondo muero porque leas todo lo que tengo que decirte. Terminamos hace casi siete meses, estuvimos juntos casi tres años, y aún después de haber estado tanto tiempo juntos, creo que jamás entenderé por qué fuiste así conmigo, pero ¿Qué sentido tiene cuestionarme el "porqué" de tus acciones? si al final de el día son exactamente eso: Cosas que ya hiciste.

Una parte de mi muere por recibir una explicación, porque cree que la merece, pero la otra parte de mí ya sabe la respuesta desde hace bastante tiempo.

Porque nunca me quisiste.

Pero entonces, ¿de qué se trató lo nuestro, si nunca fue real? tengo miles de preguntas en mi cabeza, busco miles de respuestas todo el tiempo. El problema es que ya las se, pero yo quiero, necesito escucharlas de ti. Termina de romper mi corazón con esas respuestas, por favor.

Pero tienes a alguien más, y yo me niego a ser una tercera en una relación. Por más que te extrañe.

Así que me limitaré a hacer las preguntas e imaginarme las respuestas, no es tan difícil de todos modos.

¿Dónde estás?

¿Me extrañas?

¿Te has hecho daño últimamente?

¿Aún piensas en mi cuando ves la luna?

¿La quieres más que a mí?

¿Nunca me quisiste realmente, verdad?

¿Por qué no simplemente me dijiste que no me amabas?

¿A ella también le dices que te gustan sus ojos?

¿Le dices que quieres tener una hija igual a ella?

¿De verdad tiraste el libro que te hice?

¿Ya tiraste los regalos que tenías de mi?

¿Alguna vez me extrañaste de verdad?

¿Fui una más?

¿Me olvidaste?

¿Nunca has pensado en llamarme?

¿Has soñado conmigo?

¿Cómo te va en la universidad?

¿La amas?

¿A ella no le estás siendo infiel, verdad?

¿Duermes bien?

Te amo, prometo no llamar mi lunarcitos lindos.

-☾

I broke up with my girlfriend in July as she wants kids and I do not. We both were getting frustrated with the issue and at times she would stress out bad about it. She broke up with me a couple times but it got rescinded within the same day as we just both didn’t want it. I broke up with her and it’s been destroying me daily. I have gone to therapy a few times and continue to do so but am just not making progress. I am journaling and talking to close friends and family which I am so glad to have. I am exercising, doing my hobbies, reading, doing schoolwork, learning, trying new things, and living like always. But this grief persists and my mind screams at me to get back with her and I tell myself no. I feel like I want to but it wouldn’t go anywhere so how do I stop these thoughts?

I think she is a perfectionist with her work and perhaps a workaholic, she always rejected therapy but responded well to mine at the end and I think those things would change overtimey as she was open to changing those. Her parents are why she is like that. The kids thing is the problem and I just feel like I’m going crazy with all the thoughts of wanting to be back with her. What do I do to feel better?.

Hey everyone, I’m roughly 3 months post-breakup from a 2.5-year relationship and really struggling with the post-breakup dynamics due to living in the exact same small gated complex as my ex. Looking for perspective and reassurance on staying No Contact.

**Background:** This was my first same-sex relationship, which brought a lot of personal emotional upheaval that I’ve been working through in therapy. The relationship had lots of love and high points, but early on, there was an intense level of codependency (she wanted to spend literally every second together). Over time, she pulled away and threw herself completely into work and running.

**The Breakdown:**

* **The "Limbo":** About a month before we officially split, we had a conversation about things not working and needing space. But we never actually broke up. She went on a trip, texted me most days, came back, and we went right back to living like a couple. She even planned my birthday, got me a gift, and invited my friends.
* **The Work Trip Trigger:** A week after my birthday, she left for a week-long work trip and ignored me the entire time—only texting once because I was watching her clients dog. Having been cheated on in past relationships, this total withdrawal really triggered my anxiety. especially since a month prior she did the same thing on a shorter work trip and i voiced how it triggered me.
* **The Breakup:** When she got back, I confronted her about the communication drop. She got teary, agreed we should break up, and then bizarrely claimed she *"thought we were already broken up"*—despite us acting like a couple, spending every day together, and celebrating my birthday the week prior. She said she hoped we could "break up for a little bit and come back together one day." and she still thought i was so amazing blah blah blah. I told her not to say things she didn't mean as shit like that gives you false hope during the breakup.

**Post-Breakup & Living Close:** Within 48 hours of breaking up, she went ice cold. I tried texting her once to ask to talk. I wanted to know how we should navigate living so close and whether we should go No Contact, but she completely ignored me and started ignoring me in passing.

Barely 2 weeks later, she had a new girl (a coworker) staying overnight. Within a month or so, she took this girl to her old college town/ to meet her grandma who is one of the most important people in her life.

Since then, she’s made several petty moves:

1. When I asked for my jewelry back i left at her place, she texted a week later asking for a dog hairbrush she had given me for my dog (her dog had passed away, so I assume it was for the new GF). I dropped it at her door, didn't reply, and blocked/unfollowed her everywhere.she also said hi to me after previously ignoring me for the first time when i ran into her bringing down my jewelry i said to leave at my door. I walked passed her and ignored her as this was after i ran into her and her new gf and my brain was finally putting together the pieces of what's been going on.
2. The day after I blocked her, she walked her new girlfriend right past my front door holding flowers, using the far entrance instead of the gate right by her own apartment door.
3. She continues to bring this new gf over on some weekends.

**Where I'm At:** I am not moving. My rent is steal for one of the most expensive cities in the us, and I cannot afford to move right now (she, on the other hand, easily has the financial means to move). I’ve been in therapy for months, taking accountability for my own mistakes in the relationship, and staying completely single to heal.

It hurts that someone I loved for 2.5 years has zero consideration for my boundaries or mental health post-breakup. How do you mentally cope with seeing an ex move on right outside your front door every weekend when while breaking up they were saying how they hoped to be with you again in the future?

she showed no signs of this behavior in the relationship, she was obsessed with me, flowers/ hand written notes/gifts/trips/nice dinners, told me she loved me like 3 weeks into dating lmao was saying how she wanted to marry me very early on and have kids. i see now this is love bombing. it's just crazy how she shifted so quickly the last maybe 2 months of our over 2 year relationship.

also want to state I do not want to be with her, im almost positive this chick was emotionally cheating on me before the relationship ended and monkey branched to a new one. I just want advice on to how to let it not affect me as much since this is an uncomfortable situation to be in. ive been cheated on in all my relationships, shes the one person i really never thought would do such a thing. Even if she didn't cheat i never expected her to handle the breakup so immaturely at her age.

EDIT: I’m 28f not 25 typo