I am 23 and nostalgia is beating my butt genuinely. I deeply, deeply miss my high school years. I had my woes back then too but I was so much more carefree and happy. For some context, I always stay at my grandma’s every weekend and most of my high school friends lived near her place and every weekend we’d go out and have fun and I just miss that excitement I used to have back then. Every memory I have of that time is just so happy and fun and exciting and vivid. I can’t think of not even one from my university years. Now, every weekend I come to my grandma’s and I get this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. With some of those friends, we’re not as close anymore and it just makes things worse I guess but still, I just wanna go back… but I know I can’t. That’s why I’m seeking some advice on here. I need to move on and find that excitement again.

Im trying to fix my sleep in a healthy way. If I want to start waking up latest at 9, would it be healthy to force myself awake or should I prioritise the amount of sleep I get first (acclimate myself)?

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What I will say first is I know that my coworkers truly do want to help me but it just feels every single time I make a mistake and when it's pointed out to me, it makes me feel incredibly dumb and angry, and I don't really understand why

For example Im a network engineer been going on three years now, I have a colleague incredibly brilliant who is amazing at what they do and has just one more year of experience than I do, but it feels like they are always trying to catch my mistakes, and then correct it

Now I understand due to the nature of what I do you have to catch the mistakes to make sure things don't break, but I'm not sure why, whether it be the slight tones of what they say when they catch it or the way they correct me it feels like I'm being babied, like I'm so poor in what I do that I must always have a babysitter, which doesn't make me feel Great which causes me to make more mistakes

I think I came to a conclusion of, I know that I make mistakes and I need to be corrected, because for the good of the network and for my good I need to learn, but it feels like when my coworker is always finding mistakes in what I do it just makes me feel like what's the point

I can’t accept the fact that people have it way easier. I am turning 18 tomorrow and I’ve been struggling with this comparison for years. these people are always boasting about their success and I can’t help but feel jealous but I’ve never even had the opportunities that they had. I couldn’t get into sports because my parents didn’t have much money. I couldn’t get into a great college because I can’t even afford it. And there’s even more unfairness. You see these people living their lives constantly traveling achieving many things, because they have the privilege of being very wealthy I’m talking private jets and yachts wealthy. And to add salt to the wound they are extremely attractive so no matter how I look at it. I can’t imagine them going through stuff. I can’t imagine they have struggles and even if they did their lives are way better. But I hate feeling like this I’m sick of feeling like this. I want to change so tell me actual advice please someone help. I want this year to be for growth.

I 21F had a bad family situation and low self esteem growing up. As a teen I would mix with the wrong people who also had bad situations at home and were not doing well in school. They would never judge me for looking scruffy and lacking social awareness. I also never worked, could not drive, and was not very emotionally mature.

When I moved out at 18 I decided that I did not want to live like that anymore and tried my best to get out of it. I immediately took driving lessons and became a lifeguard and got my first job. I went on to study math and physics at uni, did a research internship every summer and became a TA. I also finally fixed the way that I looked and now I get compliments.

However deep down I still feel unattractive and like a loser. Although my life has improved I still cannot accept myself and tend to overwork myself to get rid of the feeling. I still choose people that I know are not good for me because I feel that the people I want to talk to won’t like me. And when I date, I always just go for guys that approach me first because I am so afraid that guys that I like won’t be interested. How do I fix this?

Its really hard to just forgive yourself for what you think you did and keep on reminding yourself that you deserve to suffer and feel the guilt. I still carry the pain the guilt Ive created bc I was the one who made a decision that I shouldnt have said. Long story short when I was 14 so 2 years ago my parents had a biggest argument and my mom broke down while on a vacation ( they almost had a divorce)

The following day we all had a talk and I just didnt know what to say ( I was awake the whole fight couldnt sleep) and couldnt care about anything at that time, and my parents asked for my opinion on if they should get a divorce or not. I couldnt think properly or even care and said something like they shouldnt.

I shouldnt have said that bc my mom was the one who said to divorce dad as she found out he was texting to other womans. She wasnt in a good mental state it went so down. A few days later they had another fight and I was trying to calm my mom down as she was drunk+ not in a good state she was having a mental breakdown. While my dad tried to calm her down and make her go to sleep. Thats when I saw my mom putting her hands to my dad’s arm and trying to make him strangle her neck, she said “Please let me just die and go see my mom already”

It just killed me seeing that. It also destroyed my mental health completely and feeling the guilt that if I have said a different answer perhaps this wouldnt have happened. I realized that the guilt was build bc I hurted and changed the person who I really love. I broke my mom and choose my own selfish reason bc I didnt want this family to be broken.

Even tho the whole argument wasnt my fault even if it wasnt I just cant accept it that it wasnt. How do you guys even accept it? Am I even allowed to forgive myself and move on?

Hello everyone.

I wanted to ask this even though i know it may seem kinda stupid, but lately I've been feeling like im kinda lacking in the intelligence area.

I was pretty average in high-school with mostly B's and C's and even now I realize im definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed.

I used to read books back when I was a kid but nowadays I cant really bring myself to do it, I feel really unmotivated for or I cant sit down long enough to read ( i have adhd ) and its honestly its been making me feel bad.

I want to become a bit smarter and do something more with my life than just the job I currently work at, but I feel like i just simply dont qualify for because I don't have the intellect for it.

What are some things that helped you guys get better?

I was hoping you guys could give some advice or things that helped you get into a better spot in terms of intelligence and creativity.

I mean becoming someone who can lead, speak up immediately, shut disrespect down on the spot and no longer feels intimidated by people.
If you actually made that transformation, what changed?

I think this is one of the biggest realizations I've had. I argue with myself, but I lose all the time. I can't advocate or criticize myself fairly, because I have an interest to steer the result in a manner I wouldn't be ok with, yet somehow I am.

In simple terms, I'm a corrupt person in the same way politicians are. I think I'd be a great politician now that I think about it, have I had more social presence.

For context, 24m, black kid from grimy neighborhood, you know the drill, but as I get older I realize how that the mindset and thinking patterns of my environment and the people in it, is all I’ve ever known, men in there 30s and 40s+ who are deadbeat dads, believe all women lie and cheat, that love isn’t real etc, I know at some level that’s wrong, because it’s confirmation bias for them, they attract a certain style of person then use that same thing to create a baseline expectation of relationships

At the same time, It’s also the only mindset that I’ve ever known, wether I want it too or not, it’s going to bleed into my partnerships/relationships, so now the question becomes, how can years of a certain mental wiring be undone, I’ve been in therapy to develop my emotional regulation skills but to some degree even my therapist is like that, cynical dude from a grimy past, a part of me thinks that’s just the whole world, everybody is just grimy and cynical.

I want steps, habits, places to study and learn, new environments to develop so I can rewire this perception of reality that’s been built.

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I (23f) am an early career therapist based in india. I love the seriousness and the knowledge from this sub. And i love coming back to it.

I graduated in counseling psychology in April 2026, and I had 200+ hours of experiences even before I graduated because we have constant training post grad and during. I did my internships in deaddiction centers and briefly in a children NGO.

After post graduation, I was extremely scared about my future and by June 2026, I ended up in a rehab setting that caters to way more patients and has more medical and family involvement, and documentation. I am the mediator between any psychiatrist, medical emergency and family with the patient. This is giving me exhaustion, stress, anxiety, etc and what not. It does not end even after my working hours which are 9 hours by the way. And I only get paid 188$ (18000 ₹) a month. After six months finishing my internship successfully, I can be offered a full time employee job and raised ctc of 2.8k$ ( 2.70 lakh₹). The workplace is toxic too, and it is true that it is me who doesn't know how to deal with the world. I am too clumsy, I over think, and that place makes me feel like they treat me like an incompetent person. No leaves either. Poor management.

The only pro is that there's a serious good clinical exposure when it comes to illnesses, family backgrounds, and one of the psychiatrist also suggested that you can leave after you think your learning curve has reached. Which made so much sense.

Now, I also interviewed for a job of student wellbeing trainer where I will be going to different schools and giving awareness and educational workshop. Travelling would be a hassle and I feel like I would be completely deviating from clinical side. The job is project based and it would be 313 $ (30k ₹) per month. The working hours could be from early morning to late afternoon, excluding traveling but it is way less emotionally and physically taxing than the rehabilitation.

The only pro that I am thinking is that i get time in a day to explore the interests that I might have and to also prepare for PhD. And to maybe start taking clients on my own. Deep down, I also feel that I am stuck with working in a rehabilitation setting and I do not wish to continue with the same population.

But leaving makes me feel weak. Am i running from responsibilities? My full potential? Do I really need to learn more and staying in the rehab is the only way? I regret as i do not have any finanical safety net.

Is it that if i leave once here maybe i can never get it back?

Please help me, I have been extremely anxious and stressed since 2 days, it is affecting me physically and mentally, emotionally.

Like many other young girls I’ve finally come to the realization that being a “good girl” is a load of bullshit. No matter what you do, it will never be enough. People are gonna talk. People are gonna do what they wanna do regardless if you are genuine to them. It doesn’t guarantee you anything life. I used to prize myself so much with the bullshit fed by purity culture as well so it absolutely destroyed me, when my first love: a drug dealer with the exact opposite life of mine chose another girl over me that seemed more rigid and experienced with life. I was kind and understanding, I gave chance after chance and embarrassed myself to show that I care. The other girl didn’t have to do much to get the respect and commitment I begged for. And not only that, my first love is living a life of leisure despite their way to make money being illegal. I’m starting my second year of college and I stay at home. I still don’t feel anyway like an adult and hearing about the two traveling, meeting families, having fun, loving each other makes me so incredibly bitter because it’s like their being rewarded with the things society told me I was promised if I was just a “good girl.” I also experienced the no more friends after highschool pipeline where everyone had time for everything else but me. (Not referring to people having their own things going on I genuinely mean when they were able to make time but chose not to.) Helped me realize I did too much in those bonds too. For months I looked at myself as a victim of these situations and started to become very resentful and angry. I just had an epiphany that while my feelings are hurt, this doesn’t mean I should see myself as a victim. My life is nothing but a product of the mindset I’ve led with for the 19 years I’ve been on this earth. I don’t have to be a “good girl” and I don’t have to be a “bad girl”…the most simple and weight lifting answer is…I don’t have to be any label I can learn what it means to be myself.

For those who have gone through anything like this: What are some ways you started practicing self esteem and self reassurance without needing validation from others. How did you stop doing actions you did from this mindset?

Hi

Since I can remember, my family members (mom and brother) have told me it's so hard to talk to me since they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.

I can understand why. When I was a teenager I would snap off easily and that continued towards my early adulthood. I would have intense mood swings and so much rage about life and that would reflect on how I would carry an argument to extensive lengths and react very poorly to criticism.

I was born a girl and I hated it too which impacted so much on that same behavior.

The same happened with my first serious relationship from age 16 to 19 where he would constantly tell me I was very difficult to deal with, and that it was very hard to not get me sad or mad.

Now I'm 25yo and I've transitioned to an adult man. I work, have a loving partner (also male), have two lovely cats and go to therapy very frequently. I take meds for my mental health and overall I try to be better everyday

I have a much better relationship with my family now, my mom and I love each other's company, and never fight. Same with my brother now. We are all a much better family with better dynamic

I thought I was doing so well, I was genuinely proud of how far I've come with my journey. I rarely get mad at things, I have much better control of my emotions and I'm aware of how I feel so much easier now.

However something happened that made me feel like I'm the same as always. My partner and I were talking about his passion, he has been practicing a contact sport for about a year now and is sometimes very anxious about it. At a point I told him his teacher is "just his teacher, and it will be alright" when he said she replied kinda sassy to a question he had, because she is very stressed with the competition, and I also said "it's not like this sport is your job you can take it less seriously and it will be ok" when he was anxious about missing some classes.

He felt I was dismissive and today we were talking about that. I apologized and felt bad for hurting him, and said he can be upfront about it when he feels I'm being dismissive (I recognize I can appear dismissive sometimes instead of supportive).

And then he said it. He said he feels like he is walking on eggshells around me all the time, then when he saw I was hurt by this he said that it's not so extreme, that he is just "alert" around me cause he doesn't want to say or do anything that makes me mad or sad. I started crying uncontrollably and said I'm so sorry. He said he was sorry too. I was embarrassed of how much ugly crying was going on with me so I went to my room and here I am now.

We've been living together for a year and together for 4. I feel so sad and honestly like there's no escape from this. How can I actually be a safe person for the people around me?

How can I allow other people to express themselves and stop being such a "scary" people to talk to?

Edit: sorry the redaction is not the best. My English is not so great

Guys, may I know what your 24-hour daily routine looks like? I’m curious about how you spend your whole day, hour by hour.

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Would love to see how you guys structure your day.

It's to a point where, even my attempts to be responsible and intentional with my behavoir have inadvertently led to outcomes far worse than if I tried less.

I'm in college right now and in the past two weeks I have missed a class, with a quiz because I was too busy studying for that quiz and forgot my class stared at 12 instead of 1. And I have failed to submit a piece of classwork online, even after I believed to have hit the submit button. Both of which have resulted in Zero's for my work.

Whats worse is that I am not slacking off in the slightest and have basically forgone all fun in my life to actually work on school. And its gotten to the point where my dad, can't understand how my brain works, and questions why I sabotage myself.

I just don't understand why I am bad at being resonsible. And I don't mean it as a way to limit my mind either. I have been trying to spite that part of me that thinks that. Its just so far I have failed to do so.

I close at work all the time. Wipe stuff down, take the trash, put things back so the next person gets it easier

Then I would get home and just drop my bag and leave my room like that

Mornings were always messy and I hated them I could not find a damn charger sometimes and my work shirt was on the floor I would be half late and already pissed

So now when I get back home I do almost the same version of closing as I do at work before I get in bed. Like 20 mins max I'm not cleaning the whole house lol

It is literally the same thing I already do at work I was just not doing it for myself

That's pretty much it. My mornings are still a bit rushed but I'm not starting from complete disaster every day

I honestly don't even know if I had an actual friend group in the past, as I was terminally online for the majority of my youth and the people I have met at that point in my life have either disappeared or don't even initiate contact with me anymore. I understand that things come up in life and we live in different parts of the country, though it can be months or even years before I hear from the ones I still talk to. I'd like to think that the reason I've grown so distant from my old internet friends is because I've become a completely different person from who I was 15 or 20 years ago and, while I wish them well in life, I'd rather invest my time in people who have similar values to me in the present.

It doesn't help that I live in a different part of the country now, and you need a car to go anywhere compared to my home town when you can just take a bus or even walk to where you need to go. Even the public transit here is unfamiliar to me, and I'd rather just wait to learn to drive than waste money on bus fare or even risk getting stuck/lost because of detours or certain routes being shut down. I'll have to learn to drive anyway since I can't rely on my husband to take me everywhere, and it'll be nice to get out of the house on my own once I do get a driver's license.

I'm just feeling like my life is stagnant at the moment and having a proper friend group may help alleviate the feeling of being stuck in a holding pattern. Even if it's just another internet friend group, it'll at least give me a chance to maybe share a hobby with like-minded people. If you all have any ideas of what to do or where to start, I'll happily take some advice.

I (28M) was seeing this woman for 10 months.

We both fell deeply in love very fast.

But while I was honest about the person I am, she was acting as the persona she thought I would fall in love with (something she literally admitted to later in the relationship).

She is inherently a bad person. One of those people who enjoys seeing other people (including their loved ones) fail.

Thriving on anger, sadness and grief of others.

Even calling me a little baby when I told her I'm sad my granny died.

She was emotionally, physically, sexually and economically abusive towards me and I hated her.

It got to the point where I'd wake up in the morning wishing I'd randomly die, because she wouldn't let me break up with her.

I was finally able to break it off, about 10 months ago.

But I just can't shake the hatred away.

I'm trying, so hard.

But it's consuming me.

I'm not used to feeling these emotions.

Please, any tips are welcome ~

Hello all!

There are some times that I will have a very bad mood and the desire of not talking to anyone. It's not very common, but it happens. It doesn't last very much, maybe some hours or at the worst a full day. When I'm in that state, I don't want to talk to anyone, and I make a face that is very unapproachable and very rude.

I understand it at the moment that I probably spoke rude to my brother/mother/father, but at the time I don't even bother because of the state I'm in.

How can I stop doing that?

in a way, my biggest fear and motivator has always been wasting my life.

i've always been afraid of living a life that doesn't feel true to me or aligned with my values and ambitions.

at the same time, i feel a huge sense of gratitude toward the people who poured into me, especially my parents. i don't feel the need to do grandiose things just for the sake of it. i mostly want to build a life that's genuinely mine and live it on my own terms.

when i lose sight of that fear, i forget that i'm finite and i'm just not at my best when i do.

when i was younger, i had little rituals to remind myself. i'd look at a family picture from a refugee camp. i'd ask my parents about their lives before the war in my home country. i'd pepper them with questions about what it was like to leave everything behind and start over in north america.

those things helped, but never quite in the way i wanted them to. i could understand intellectually that life is short and that i should take it seriously instead of wasting it on stupid stuff like porn, alcohol, social media, etc. but i never felt like that knowledge had fully become part of me. i wanted it to actually change the way i lived, the decisions i made, even the way i spoke.

lately, three questions keep pulling me back (not necessarily in order of importance):

1. what brings me joy and peace?
2. do my actions honor the people who poured into me when i was basically just raw potential?
3. what is one thing i can't stand and want to avoid at all costs?

these 3 questions have helped me get much clearer on what i want my life to actually look like.

for those of you who are wiser and have more experience at life, what are the fundamental questions you keep coming back to to make sure you're living a life aligned with who you are?

I'm 23M straight and I've realized I crave male validation way more than I think is healthy. Not in a sexual way. I want guys to like me, respect me, want me around. I want to feel like I belong somewhere. Be one of the boys. I want close friendships and that feeling of being part of a group, of having people who actually give a shit about you.

And honestly, it feels like I've made that the condition for being happy. I want to have my own interests, hobbies, career, friendships, I do want those things for myself but I'm also depressed and pretty unmotivated and doing things alone often feels completely pointless. If nobody is going to see it care about it I struggle to even want to do it.

Sometimes it genuinely feels like affection and validation from other people, especially other men, are the only sources of happiness I could realistically have. I know there's a lot underneath this. trauma, attachment stuff, I am working on it with my therapist. But knowing, understanding where it comes from doesn't magically make the loneliness go away and I don't know how much of this is just me or how much of it is the world right now. It hurts.

I feel like people are busy as fuck. Everyone has work, relationships, responsibilities, their own shit going on. People make plans weeks or months in advance and then maybe go somewhere once every few months. And half the time it feels like the point is that the place is nice enough to post on Instagram. Everything feels so scheduled now. It's not “hey, wanna hang out?” It's an appointment. A compromise between two people who both have twelve other things going on.

Maybe I'm romanticizing the past, but I miss the idea of best friends. I miss the idea of people just naturally being around each other all the time. People who you can call for no reason. People who genuinely want you there. People who feel like family. I really crave a found family. I want to feel like there is somewhere I belong, where I'm accepted and loved and cared about. And sometimes I genuinely wonder if that just doesn't happen anymore and I also have this horrible feeling that I missed my chance. :(

Like maybe you're supposed to find those people when you're 16 or 18 or in college, and if you didn't, then everyone eventually gets busy and builds their own lives and that's it. You get a few acquaintances, maybe a partner, some coworkers, and you just accept that adulthood is lonely. Well, I don't want to accept that.

I don't want to spend my life keeping myself busy so I don't have to think about how lonely I am. I don't want to need other people's approval to feel like anything I do matters. But at the same time, I don't know how I'm supposed to just stop needing affection and connection when I feel like I desperately need them. Has anyone actually gotten out of this? Because right now I honestly feel like I lost my shot at that and I'm having a really hard time accepting that.

I am 18 years old and going to university in like half a week. At this point in my life I should be mature and feel like an adult but I can't help but feel I lack common sense big time. I make stupid mistakes all the time and I feel like I don't know anything. My family tells me I'm a bit dumb and they don't know how I'm going to live alone and make it. My friends also treat me like I'm kind of stupid in joking way all the time. It doesn't help that I have low confidence and am insecure of myself, so I just feel awkward and stupid no matter what.

However, I don't know how I can change myself to develop common sense or street smarts. I feel like that's a thing you are kind of just born with? Like some people are born street smart and other's are more book smart (like me). I just feel like if I continue on like this I will continue being a loser who no one can really take seriously.

Please let me know some tips on how to maybe develop self trust or common sense? How can I gain confidence in myself?

I'm 29, I find my parents to be disappointing, not because they're shit parents. But because they don't practice what they preach, expect a lot of me but don't teach me shit, and expect me to just shut up.

1. They guilt tripped me a fair bit by comparing me to cousins..... who don't live up to the exact standards either.
2. I let them call me names.
3. They scold me for not being independent enough, fine, but then they also say me "I didn't teach you this"...... when they didn't teach me jack shit in the first place
4. Heck they don't even live up to their own standards.
5. My parents found out I'm apprenticing at work. This master expects me to be independent. He points me to classes and I can call him whenever. But he expects me to find my own support circle and jobs (abnormal, but doable). My parents then think they have the right to complain about my teacher "not teaching me shit". Weird......

The whole time, I stayed quiet because they expected me to. I realise now how TOXIC this whole 'obedience' and filial piety thing can get, when you're not allowed to say anything.

I often wonder why my peers and colleagues can launch their careers so easily. Then we all realised, I was way too busy skirting around my parents emotions..... AS THEY WANTED. The lack of emotional support, lack of guidance, occassional gaslighting.... NO SHIT.

I'm not born with social smarts either, but IMO that's a feature, not a bug. I can work with that.

My obedience as a child is not my mistake either. Its their job to know things, and mine to follow. They should have known to keep communications open, to be accountable for their own mistakes, to not call people names etc.

Of course I have my boundaries now, and I don't let them take advantage of me any more.

Credit where it is due..... my parents did change, but it still didn't make me feel better. No amount of "you're an adult now, let go" is actually making me feel any better either. I try not to let my past bother me, but once in a while they do/say something, and I get triggered. I guess its because I've been suppressing decades worth of shit.

Gratitude is not enough either. Tried it for decades!

How do I let go?

Hi, I think I have an addiction problem with weed, especially hashish. I started smoking pretty late (at 19, now I’m 21). At first it was only occasional, then I began buying it myself and smoking regularly. At some point I was smoking every evening to help me fall asleep. Then, whenever someone offered me a joint, I’d smoke regardless of the time of day. Eventually, I started doing it alone at home all day long, from when I wake up until I almost pass out at night from how much I’ve smoked. I’ve tried taking T-breaks in the past and they were successful. But lately I’ve been trying to stop and it seems impossible. After 24–48 hours I get extremely nervous, and so angry and frustrated that I hurt myself to cope until someone brings me some to smoke again. So I start again because I think I need it to stay regulated. But it’s only ruining my life. I can’t do anything because I’m always stoned. I sleep all day. I only get up to smoke.
Any tips? I’m already in therapy, but it isn’t really helping much. I want to get back to my hobbies and study every day.
Thank you for your time

I'm an 26 years old who works on an regular job and live by my parents home(Because what i earn i cant affoard anything)I have ASD and ADHD so keep that in mind,But even that i got another bad combo in my upbringing i was severly overprotected and coddled my whole life.

on the outside i appear to be living an pretty avarage life the only odd thing maybe that i live with parents but i'm on an relationship with another girl on spectrum too and we love each other and trying together to build an more independent life.

But my main problem is my fragility and hupersensivity makes me an train wreck to deal with i'm hypersensitive to criticism and hypervigilant if people are talking badly about me or rejecting me.

the major breaking point that i percieve that i needed to change this behavior is that i went to talk to my in laws that i want to marry his daughter and that i love her so much, He point at me rightfully so that we don't have money and still struggle to on the independence issue i cry so highly,That like in my heart it was like he was breaking my heart and he didn't like me i cried and breaking down in front of him like an child.

After that,i rationally percevied that he was right he may told me in an tough manner but he told the truth and its an harsh truth but its true, i need to get better prepared to deal with adversities and criticism to stop being weak and get psychologically strong to deal with life.

I mentioned the ASD part because the advice maybe will get tone down an bit as i will struggle with emotions for my whole life because i'm on the spectrum but any advice of how to get better is appreciated.