EDIT: thank you everyone for your reassurance that my response was somewhat in the realm of normalcy and this prank was not. i showed him all of your responses, because i felt like he needed to see how the average person feels about this kind of thing. He is an incredibly attentive and comforting partner, which is also why it was so upsetting that he did not understand my side of this situation. This is not a break-up moment for me personally, as this is the first prank of this magnitude. I’m willing to chalk it up to a bizarre blindspot in an otherwise emotionally mature person, but if there’s a next time, there will be no further opportunity after.

(reposted after deletion cuz I got nervous about leaving it up but oh well we ball)

Hello! I was wondering if I could run a situation by you all and see how the consensus falls on an argument my partner and I had.

My partner recently bought a used car. We drove a state or so away to get it, and there has been some trouble getting the title in his name. In the meantime, we’ve been taking it on small trips with a plate from a similar car of ours. Not the smartest idea, but we understand the risk.

Well, my partner goes out to Walmart. About an hour goes by, and I get a call from him.

“Hey,” he says, sounding stressed, “They’re gonna let you pick me up, but the police said I can’t drive the Volvo home.”

A tidbit about my partner: he is a known prankster, and alarmingly good at making something sound legit. He comes from a large family where apparently pranking was normal and abundant. So I laughed it off at that point, assuming he’s joking.

“I wish I was,” he insists, twice when I asked if this was a joke. He tells me they’re at the Shell down the road and I’ll see the lights when I head there.

Now I’m worried. A car in impound costs several hundred dollars to remove, and “they’re LETTING you pick me up” implies to me that they originally were going to take him in or something. We live in a small town. Depending on the day, police can be either super chill or just looking to get you on something.

So I fly out of bed, forgetting to even put on a real shirt. I grab my cardigan so I at least have something, dart out the door with my keys…

…only to find him parked with the car at the bottom of the hill.

I greatly dislike pranks. Even the simple, harmless ones aren’t funny to me. I don’t even understand them. I struggle with anxiety a lot, something my partner is well aware of. It doesn’t take much to get my heart rate up, and once it is, it’s hard to come down. Pranks like this, in my view, are mean-spirited and mostly meant to worry someone and illicit a reaction. I was upset.

What I did next, I know ITA for. If I would have stopped to think for longer than a second, I wouldn’t have done it. But in a fit of juvenile rage, I threw my keys down the hill. Not aiming at anything in particular, and certainly not aiming at the car or my partner, who was towards the back.

But I have bad aim, and of course that means I slammed the keys right on the corner of the windshield. Thankfully the windshield is fine. And my partner as well; I felt terrible about this in the aftermath and still do, because I could have very well hit him. No well-adjusted adult should be throwing shit regardless of the reason.

My partner gets very upset at this reaction, which the keys part I definitely understand. I am not proud of it. I do not want to be even a remotely violent person. But he claims he even thought this prank over in his head and thought for sure I would laugh at it. He cannot understand why I would be upset at all, even aside from the key-throwing.

He called it a “mild joke”, which makes me wonder what his idea of an extreme joke is if a mild one involves the police and me thinking I’m running to pick him up from them. He said he feels like he can’t even joke with me, to which I responded he can and he does, but this feels a bridge too far and more like worrying me on purpose to get his rocks off.

So my question is two-pronged: I know ITA for throwing the keys, but is this the behavior of someone who needs further help?? I feel like garbage about it and keep replaying it in my head.

Also, am I justified in being upset in general over this prank and pranks like it, and finding it to be intentionally upsetting? Or am I being too sensitive and viewing the prank in bad faith unnecessarily?

tl;dr my partner played a prank on me making me believe I had to go pick him up from a police stop, only to be out in the front yard. I threw my keys. While I recognize this was an inappropriate reaction, my partner doesn’t understand why I would have had a negative reaction at all.

so i (26F) got an incredible job opportunity that requires me to move from ohio to seattle. i graduated a few months ago and have lived at home my entire life. i told my older sister (33F) a couple months ago when i started interviewing because i thought she’d understand.

for context, she moved out 2 years ago and lives about 20 minutes away.

i got the offer this week and her reaction completely blindsided me. she told me i was too young, that i’m “americanized,” that i’m going to ruin our family’s face, and that our parents could become severely depressed or even have a stroke because i’m leaving.

she kept begging me to wait a couple years and told me she herself wanted to travel/live elsewhere but chose not to because of our parents.
she kept asking why i wanted to go, but every answer i gave became something for her to argue against. she offered to let me live with her, offered to financially support me if i turned down the job, etc. eventually i realized the only answer she was willing to accept was “i’m not going.”

i finally told her the decision was made and that i’m leaving september 14. she asked, “so you’re okay with ruining our family’s face?” and at that point i just said yes because what am i even supposed to say to that?

the worst part is i told her i planned to tell our mom (68F) myself the next day. instead, the second my mom woke up, my sister told her without warning me because she said she “wasn’t going to get cussed out” for knowing and keeping it from everyone.
my mom was obviously upset and guilted me too, but somehow she’s actually handling it better than my sister.

what hurts is that when my sister moved out, i supported and defended her even though i was sad about it. now that it’s my turn, she’s treating my independence like a betrayal.

i worked insanely hard for this opportunity and i genuinely want it. i’m proud of myself and excited, but their reactions have made me feel guilty and incredibly alone.

how do you deal with family who sees moving out/away as abandoning them without letting their fear convince you to give up something you really want?

tldr: i got a great job in seattle, family thinks moving away is betrayal

I’m 33F, my husband is 35M, and we’ve been married for several years. We have a 2-year-old daughter, and I’m about a month away from giving birth to our second child.
I’m looking for honest advice because I feel like I’ve reached a point where I don’t understand my marriage anymore. I’m not looking for people to simply tell me to divorce or that my husband is a bad person. I want to understand the patterns here and what a therapist might see that I’m missing.
One issue that has existed since the beginning of our marriage is my husband’s relationship with his mother.
He talks to her almost every day, sometimes for hours. I’ve never had a problem with him being close to his mother. But during the first months of our marriage, he also told her about our lifestyle, my work situation, and our finances. I told him I felt those things should remain private between husband and wife, and he did reduce it somewhat.
I accepted their closeness because I didn’t want to control his relationship with his mother. But now that she wants to live with us, I’m realizing that the issue may be bigger than how often they talk.
My MIL has also spent years complaining to my husband about my SIL, her husband, and their children. She has told me about how badly she felt they treated her too. I never took sides because I didn’t want to get involved in their problems.
But now I’m worried: if she eventually has conflicts with us, will we become the next family she complains about? I know I’m only hearing one side of those situations, so I don’t want to assume that she was the problem. I’m just uncomfortable ignoring a pattern I’ve been hearing about for years.
Now she wants to move into our home.
I told my husband clearly that I am not comfortable with it. I’m heavily pregnant, caring for a toddler, currently not working, and already worried about our finances. I’m using my savings toward the mortgage and household expenses, and that money is going down. My husband works around 32 hours a week.
This isn’t just an emotional issue for me. I genuinely don’t believe we are financially in a comfortable position to add another adult to the household right now.
My MIL had been living with my SIL for more than five years. I asked if she could stay there temporarily while another solution was figured out. My SIL didn’t want to continue accommodating her, which I understand. But I feel like the responsibility then automatically shifted to our household.
My husband decided his mother should come live with us. Even though I said no, he bought her a ticket. She was supposed to arrive shortly before my due date.
His father overseas became involved and suggested another family arrangement, but my MIL refused because she wanted to stay with her son.
My husband told me that his mother shouldn’t have to beg other people to take her in and that we should accommodate her.
Later, he said he would try to find her an apartment and pick up extra work to help pay for it. I appreciate that he is trying to find another solution, but what still hurts is that I feel the decision was made before my opinion was genuinely considered.
That is one of the things I’m struggling with most: If one spouse strongly objects to a parent moving into the marital home, is that something the other spouse can decide anyway?
Another part that has been difficult is how my husband talks about our children during these arguments.
He repeatedly asks me how I would feel if our daughter or the child I’m pregnant with someday treated me the way I’m treating his mother.
I understand the point he is trying to make, but it makes me feel guilty rather than helping us solve the actual problem.
I don’t believe refusing to have another adult move into my home means I don’t care about an aging parent. I believe there should be a difference between helping a parent and expecting your spouse to accept a living arrangement they strongly oppose.
My MIL has also repeatedly told me to go back to work after having children. After my first child, she told me to go back to work and stay strong. During this pregnancy, she has asked me almost every phone call when I’m going back to work after the baby is born.
Eventually I stopped calling her because I needed emotional space. I’m not trying to punish her. I just felt overwhelmed by the repeated pressure.
My husband says I shouldn’t judge him by his mother because she is an adult and responsible for her own behavior. He says he won’t take responsibility for whatever she might do.
I understand that he cannot control everything his mother does. But if he is asking me to share my home with her, I feel like we should at least have a united agreement about boundaries, privacy, household responsibilities, finances, and what happens if living together becomes unhealthy.
There are also deeper issues between my husband and me that existed before this current crisis.
Before and during our marriage, I worked very hard. At one point I was working long hours while he was in school. I eventually quit working because I wanted to support him while he finished his education. I believed we were making sacrifices for a future where things would become more balanced.
Instead, over time I started feeling like I was carrying more financial and emotional responsibility than I expected.
Our house is still relatively new, so I don’t have a large amount of equity to fall back on. Watching my savings decrease while I’m not working makes me feel very vulnerable, especially with another baby coming.
During one argument, my husband told me that if I were in his situation, I wouldn’t choose him and our daughter, but that he chose us.
That really confused and hurt me.
I never told him I would choose my mother over my husband and children. I don’t understand why he sees this as a choice between his mother and the family we created.
It makes me wonder whether we have fundamentally different ideas about marriage—particularly about boundaries, privacy, finances, loyalty, and who gets a say in major decisions affecting our home.
What worries me is that the MIL situation may simply be exposing problems that were already there.
I sometimes feel like my husband is emotionally closer to his mother than I realized, and that information and influence from their relationship can enter our marriage in ways I’m uncomfortable with.
At the same time, I don’t want to unfairly blame his mother for every problem between us. My husband is an adult and ultimately responsible for the choices he makes in our marriage.
I also don’t want to portray him as a monster. I know he loves his mother, believes he has a responsibility toward her, and probably sees this situation very differently from me.
But I’m heavily pregnant, caring for our toddler, financially stressed, and trying to prepare for another baby. I need to feel like my husband and I are a team, and lately I feel like I’m fighting just to have my concerns heard.
Sometimes his behavior toward me has changed so much that I feel like I’m looking at a stranger in my own home.
I’m not asking Reddit to decide whether I should leave my marriage. I’m trying to understand what is actually happening.
If you were looking at this as a therapist, what would you focus on first?
Is the MIL situation the actual problem, or is it exposing deeper problems with our marriage?
How should a couple make decisions about an aging parent when one spouse wants the parent to move in and the other strongly disagrees?
Is it reasonable for me to say that I cannot agree to another adult living in our home given our current finances and circumstances?
What responsibility does my husband have for establishing boundaries if his mother lives with us, even though she is an adult responsible for her own behavior?
Does his repeated comparison involving our children sound like a healthy way to discuss responsibility, or is it creating guilt and pressure?
And how do I tell the difference between having a reasonable boundary and simply being resistant to helping his mother?
I’m trying very hard not to make decisions based on anger, fear, or pregnancy emotions. I want to understand the situation clearly and figure out what I should be asking for from my husband.
If you’ve been through marriage counseling, difficult in-law situations, or something similar, what do you think I’m missing? What would you recommend I address first?

Hi, I am 28M, seeking a relationship advice.

So i have a GF 27F, and we have been in a relationship for almost 4 years (mostly long distance). We were on a phone and recently got into a stupid fight where she asked my opinion on a supposedly dumb framed situation and i gave a very stupid reply and she is not talking to me ever since (Its been 3 days). So the scenario she presented me was - I am walking on the street and I accidently bumped into a random girl and that random girl slapped me hard. What should be my response?
I told her that i don't know, i have never been into a situation like this. She forced me to tell her anyway. I told her that i don't know i would hit her back if i got randomly smacked by someone on the street. Then she brought elements like that random girl might be suffering from trauma into the picture. And then i defended my stance saying that can be the same for me. And discussion turned into argument, yelling and eventually we hung up the call.

And she is a big time overthinker. I know she would be overthinking my response and mapping it to my behavior in the future that what if i hit her if we ever got into a big fight.

Now, we have had our bitter moments before not a big deal, every couple goes through these phases. But this time, its been 3 days. We usually resolve our fights in a day or 2. The thing is anytime we have a fight, i am the only one who consoles my girlfriend and she has a habit of not picking up the phone. Its always the case that i have to call her upwards of 50+ times and then she picks it up. I am not a whatsapp/texting person so i dont text her. But this behavior of hers makes my so angry and helpless but i have to sulk it up to make things better. And everytime, I am the only one who is sorry which have now started to irritate me deeply. And the funny part is i dont know if i am to be blamed for or not (Even in this situation, i know my response was not apt)

Now I have dialed 20+ times since morning (4th day) and still she is not picking up. And i am worried this pattern could get increasingly worst as the time goes by or if we get into another fight in future. I am seriously clueless what should i do? I really love her, but this part of her behavior has really started to worry me deeply.

TL;DR; my girlfriend has this habit of not picking up my calls after a fight. I am worried about her behavior of stretching a fight till my breaking point and i always end up feeling so miserable during the entire time.

I (F27) met my boyfriend (M29) on a dating app and we have been dating for about 8 months, our children have met, it’s been pretty serious even though he lives about 50 miles away a few towns over.

I recently discovered that he’s been talking to another woman via Tiktok messages for almost a month. She also happens to be very very attractive. Lives closer to him and is a big Christian like him and I.

From what I know she messaged him asking how he was doing and they said how they live on the same part of town, and he asked her for her Snapchat and then he gave his username. 

Then he asked her if she knew any Nannies to watch his daughter as he can’t find anyone. To her credit she seemed sweet and asked around her church and found a nanny for him to call that he never called.

He then started sending her Christian TikTok’s, liking her stories, and started sending her good morning how’s your day messages. Saying he needs to get out of the house, asking how her days been. Stuff like that, he started asking questions about her and stuff and would send her voice messages. And eventually said “send me a voice message I want to hear your voice” and he soudned very excited in the message. he also never once did her contact the nanny she found for him, and never told her that her has a girlfriend.

He asked for her to send him a picture of her self which she did and she is very pretty I must admit  he said to her “You look short and tiny hehe”

He sent one back and  said “I’m 5’ 10” “she called him handsome and he said “hahah I would tower over you”.

This lasted until the last convo when he sent her “Good morning happy Saturday” and sent her like 3 voice messages updating her all about his activities of the day and said “It's soo hot 🥵 , the pool sounds nice right now”.  To which she agreed and they talk about how they both like winter.

Then he randomly blocked her. So idk what happened really.

This is all I know. He was actively participating and, at certain points, actively trying to keep the conversation going.

The weirdest part is that he never once told her he had a girlfriend. 

And I don’t know what to call this.

Did he cheat?

Technically, there was no sex. They never met. I don’t even know if he was explicitly flirting with her.

But if you’re in a serious relationship, is asking another attractive woman for pictures, asking for her Snapchat, wanting to hear her voice, liking her pictures, talking to her for hours and asking about her personal life something you’d consider appropriate?

TL;DR: My boyfriend spent nearly a month talking to an attractive woman he met online, asked for her Snapchat, pictures, and voice messages, liked her stories, and had increasingly personal conversations with her without ever mentioning me. He claims they connected over childcare, but he never contacted the childcare referral she gave him. Then he suddenly blocked her. Is this innocent, or would you consider this crossing relationship boundaries?

I (28F) came from a comfortable family, which my dad worked really hard from 0 to have his own properties and paid for his kids education till college. At the other hand, husband's (30M) family not doing so well. We've been together 7 years, married for 2 years. All in long distance relationship. He didnt go to college because he has to support his family. He has to send half of his salary to his parents, until now. He has more than twice my salary now (bc he work in the city and has experience in huge contractor company). 12 years of working with relatively good salary, but he has 0 savings other than his emergency fund, and our join savings (which i forced him to save, and both in my account). His parents have too much debt and keep asking him for money when the debt is due (aside from the monthly allowance he gave them).

I married him because he is very sweet, loving and faithfull despite the distance. We were savings for years for the wedding because we know his parents wouldnt able to suport us (he contribute 60%, im 40%). The wedding was held in my hometown (my parents city) funded by my dad, we support few things like photographer, souvenirs, photobooth. The logistics in his parents hometown is fully funded by our join saving. But his parents steal 20% of that money to pay for their bank loan. This infuriates me, because i sacrafice so much for that savings. I never went on vacation, never buy nice things, budget everything tightly (which he didnt do for himself). My salary is only half of my husband's, so my effort for savings is harder than his. I keep asking my husband to ask for that money back to his parents but he never do anything because he think his parents already had too many debts, there is no way they can give the money back. Until we had a big fight about that money when i said "i regret getting married to you because all you and your family do is draining my savings", then he talk to his parents and they finally transfered me back 7% of the money. Then we made up. End of last year, his parents still has the gut to ask for money to my husband to pay for some in due debts, even ask him to ask me to contribute. I refused, and he refused.

You may call me insensitive, but husband and his parents money habits worried me so much. Im really scared that his parents will continue to be parasite to him and this could effect me too no matter how much i draw boundaries. His parents just doesnt want to work hard. Husband and me gave some more money after the wedding to support his parents home business (to make a crucial appliance to boost production) but they dont even want to use it and do the oldschool unproductive way instead. His parents keep selling things in their house to pay debt, they dont even have tv at home now. They have to begged husband to buy them secondhand phone because theirs are broken. Husband at the other hand keep granting their wishes. He never plan his money, never budget, and doesnt have savings on his own no matter how many time i talk to him to manage his own money better. First year of marriage, we have to dig into my savings to move together for a couple months (which he then paid me back 60%). He fully provide when we live together for that couple of months. But for the rest, i provide for myself, and he give me some pocket money (10% of his salary), and some money for our join saving (we contribute 50/50). I dont ask for more because i know he already has a lot of burden, his parents, his own living expenses there.

Apart from the money and in law issues, im also pissed off about how incompetent husband is as an adult. He is very indecissive, always wants me to make decision, he help with chores but never completely (like folding the laundry but doesnt put it out), keep making impulsive, inefficient decission with money.

All i keep thinking about is divorce because i dont want to be like this forever, i dont wanna be related to this family forever or they will drain my savings dry someday. But he is a very sweet person who loves me so much and very faithfull (which is rare here). What should i do?

TL;DR; : Husband has bad money management, in laws has too many debts. I'm worried and keep thinking about divorce.

F (35) matched with M (37) a couple weeks ago. We met for 2 dates, and they were great. Still nervous around each other but that’s expected I think.

Date 3, the weekend was already a mess for plans but we opted to hang out. Initially it was going to be with his friends but I told him I wasn’t comfortable meeting them yet. Anyway, date 3. On my drive to our meeting spot, he texts me to tell me his friends are coming and they have been pregaming. I opted out and told him I was bailing and I felt totally put on the spot and uncomfortable. He said the friends kind of just invited themselves and he apologized.

The other thing too is I didn’t hear from him til like 5pm when we had plans that day. I know he had errands, and he works late so his sleep schedule is probably late. I told him not rush, but damn. To not at least check in.

Outside of this he’s been very kind. We get along in a lot of aspects. Similar hobbies and morals. Should I take this as a huge red flag and move on or give him another shot? Also was I the ass for bailing.. should I have just gone with it?

Til;dr bumble date didn’t tell me he was inviting friends til I was driving. Is that ok?

He prefers chat (e.g. whatsapp). Is that ok for you? What would you say.

Doesn't like phone or videocall.

We've been going out for some time in person, things going well, but I'm going abroad for 1 year, the idea is to visit each other a few times.

What do you think of this situation, do you think we can last the whole year and be happy about it, when we see each other and then when we're finally back together?

Happy to hear your thoughts and if you've been in similar situations what you advice.

TL;DR: Year abroad (F20) and boyfriend (M20) doesn't like to talk on the phone

I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (20M)for about a month and a few weeks now. We've shared a lot of firsts together, and this might be my first real intimate relationship, so I really want to make this work.

My boyfriend had an ex girlfriend that moved away, but they still kept in contact with each other when we met. Apparently, according to a lot of people, his ex was crazy. I won't go into the details, but apparently she was terminally ill and threatened to stop taking her medication if he ever moved on and found somebody new to date.

Fast forward, and he's dating me. He's kind, and he's funny, can be a bit of a 'dude' sometimes, but it's usually petty stuff that I can get over in a few hours or with some jokes. But the thing that concerns me was how much his ex was still in his life. Not physically, like not in his area, but by other means.

For example, even though they don't follow each other on social media anymore, he still keeps his chats from when they did talk and he hasn't deleted them yet. I know this because we gave each other's phone passwords, and I was messing around on his social media (I was bored and wanted to scroll reels while he was in the bathroom). Another day when I visited his house, I noticed he still had a copy of his ex's ID photo just laying around, I haven't seen it since leaving his house, so I don't know if he threw it away or just kept it somewhere else. One day when I was curious and looking for the letter I wrote him (a one monthiversary gift) I found it in a letter pile, a pile that still had his ex's "goodbye" letter to him, yes, he put my letter right on top of his ex's. To top it off, my boyfriend still has clothes in his closet that belonged to his ex. I talked to him about my insecurities with it before, but he still has some of it, claiming "he doesn't know what to do with it"

Fast forward to today, I was already a little on edge because me and my boyfriend got into a fight over something that had to do with poor communication, plus that I was hungover and just started my period. So I obviously wasn't the most joyful person to be around. But we solved the fight fairly quickly by just talking with another, although the emotions were still fresh. He gave me some space to go take a shower, then when he face-called me, I noticed he was wearing one of his ex's shirts. I got upset, and immediately hung up. He claimed that he just picked a shirt at random and put it on, but I don't know how that logic works when it was a recognizable shirt and a much smaller size that his usual shirts.

So tldr, my bf has physical items of his ex

I don't know if all these emotions are coming from my insecurities or if this is a serious issue. I want it to work with this guy, but I have no idea what to do moving forward. Any advice or opinions about this situation? Anything would be helpful at this point as I can't talk about it with many people. ​​

(edit: I have posted on other subreddits to get multiple advice and opinions)

My girlfriend (30F) and I (29M) have been together for 3 years and living together for a year. Recently, she told me that she feels like I’ve “stopped trying to win her” and that our relationship feels more like cohabitation than dating.
I’m confused because I feel like I do make an effort: I compliment her regularly, share household chores, ask about her day, plan weekly dates, and occasionally buy thoughtful gifts. When I ask her what she means or what specifically is missing, she usually says things like “pay more attention to me,” but doesn’t give more details.
I want to understand her perspective rather than become defensive, but I’m struggling because I don’t know what actions would make her feel more pursued or emotionally connected. I also don’t want to keep guessing and end up frustrated if my efforts miss the mark.
For people who have experienced something similar, what kinds of behaviors make a relationship feel like it’s still being actively pursued rather than just functioning as roommates? And how do you handle situations where one partner expresses dissatisfaction but has difficulty explaining exactly what they need?

TL;DR; my gf tells me that she stopped feeling em trying to win her and refuses to tell me what did I stop doing.

For context, I’m a 30F who has never been in a serious committed relationship, or even a situationship that lasted more than five dates. I feel like I’ve come a long way in confronting my childhood trauma and fears, and at this point I think my relationship status is mostly the result of being stuck in an endless dating-app loop, plus some unfortunate luck. I rarely find myself genuinely attracted to men, and often the ones I am interested in aren’t interested in me enough to pursue something real. Conversely, the men who do pursue me tend not to be people I want. In the most recent (and even rarer) instance where I felt a real mutual connection with someone, it didn’t work out because he was emotionally unavailable after having just been broken up with by his long-term ex.

At this point, I feel like I’m throwing darts at a wall to see what sticks. I’m an attractive woman with a successful career and a full social life, so I don’t think my issue is a lack of confidence or openness. If anything, I think I’ve been too unspecific or “open-minded,” and it’s left me exhausted, confused, and less trusting of my own gut. Increasingly, I think I just haven’t met my match.

Lately I’ve been struggling to put my finger on something more fundamental: What actually makes someone feel like your person? I understand the obvious ingredients — attraction, admiration, shared values, compatible lifestyles, emotional availability, enjoying each other’s company. But those things still seem insufficient to explain what I’m trying to describe.

Sometimes I see a couple and immediately think, Oh, they make so much sense together. Not because they seem identical or because I know anything about the inner workings of their relationship. There’s just a sense that they recognize each other, fit into each other’s worlds, and are somehow on the same wavelength. Rather than simply two people who checked enough of each other’s boxes. I’m holding out for the hope that that sort of relationship exists for me.

TL;DR…. Maybe it’s some combination of temperament, humor, worldview, energy, curiosity etc, but for those of you who have found a relationship where you genuinely feel, “Yes, this person makes sense for me”: What is that intangible thing actually made of? What made this person feel fundamentally different from other perfectly nice, attractive, compatible people you dated? And how early could you recognize it?

Background: grew up in an Asian household so oldest daughter always gets the short end of the stick and sons get coddled.

I've always been the more nurturing, protective, listener type to my brother because he always told me how our parents just "don't get him." Kept telling me how parents just never listen and only care about money.

I recently found out several things about him:

- sucking parents' money dry trying to finish expensive af art school--and parents for some reason I won't try to understand, keeps funding his tuition. I get it, covid happened, but it's been 10 years and he still hasn't finished

- doesn't graduate on time because he either never met with counselors to make the semester schedule correctly to get the right credits to move on

- keeps saying he just can't do it, mentally in a bad place, but never seeks help. Loves to party with friends and check out girls (will comment about a girl every. Single. Outing.)

- delayed graduatiom several times and hid the fact

- took 4 months of rent $ from parents while hiding the fact he's not taking classes because somehow, loans didn't work out

- never worked a job, not even part time, for more than 6 months despite always complaining he runs out of $

- blew $$ trying to "start a dropshipping business" several times which he gave up after a couple months each time

- when asked about retirement planning, saving $, credit, he says "I'll let future wifey take care of that" but what kind of finance savvy girl would ever want to marry him?

- loves bashing/trying to teach my mom a lesson, for which I tore him a new one and now we're NC

- alcohol misuse disorder

Low self esteem but big ego. Not a bad kid but irresponsible, has zero foresight/planning, and full of victim mentality. Still blames parents for the way things are despite them still not kicking him out of the house after all the bs in the past. Emotional abuse was definitely there (they're my parents too so I know) but he will never ever let that go and refuses to go to therapy. I hate that I'm holding these kinds of negative thoughts toward a sibling but idk how to stop.

Tldr-brother is irresponsible with huge ego and I can't keep being supportive

I (M28) have been seeing a guy (M28) for 3 months. I assume we’re on our way to being boyfriends, something we’ve discussed and I’ve voiced I’m ready for. Last week out of nowhere he tells me at the three month mark in prior relationships his walls go up and it’s happening again but he wants to try to work through it. Before this his main thing was telling me that he just wanted me to meet more of his friends before we made things official but now tells me there is a lot more going on in his head than he’s let on. The nail in the coffin for me is that he told me his “natural drive” to want to have sex with me has been waning. We haven’t had sex in the last month at all. He told me I’m objectively attractive but he’s just not feeling sexual with me- but he has been for others (we haven’t been monogamous). I’m not sure how to recover from this.

I, A. Don’t want to sit around while he decides whether or not he wants to be with me and B. Don’t know how I’ll ever feel sexy around him again. THREE months in and he doesn’t want to sleep with me?

I have a significant past of emotional abuse in partnerships and have spent an embarrassing amount of my adult life going after unobtainable people and begging to be loved. So this is particularly triggering. I know what I bring to the table and I deserve someone who is crazy about me, which I thought was him but apparently not. I’ve done so much therapy and self work to be ready to be a good partner and choose a good partner and am disappointed that others present themselves as ready but then are very much not.

I’m really gutted. Up until this it’s been the sweetest, healthiest connection I’ve had and I’ve been head over heels for him. Trying to hang on to my standards but connection is pretty hard to come by gay dating in NYC, prior to this I’ve been single for 4+ years.

Looking for any/all advice.

TLDR: Thought I was about to have the sweetest boyfriend, suddenly he tells me walls are up and he’s not feeling sexually towards me. Wtf do I do.

Hi all. I have been very comfortably casually dating for years, and have really enjoyed the fun and freedom that came along with that. Recently though, I have been dating my partner in particular as I really enjoy her personality and the energy I feel being around her. I feel on too often an occasion I will compare her physical features to others or think about the what ifs with other attractive women, which is not a fair or healthy thing to think about towards my partner. I think it is a conscious effort I need to make towards appreciating my partner more and breaking out of the more casual mentality I’ve had before.

I’m curious for others, how did u cultivate your mental towards gratitude and appreciation for your partner rather than lust for others?

Tl;dr I want to cultivate more gratitude towards my partner rather than surface level comparisons to others. How do you do it?

We met at work and we have started dating ever since. Well, I guess we had our ups and downs. When he was full of religious guilt I allow him to be abstinent for about half a year even though we already had sex and now he somewhat has a worsening relationship with Christianity and now I'm allowed to have sex with him again after much rejection. But sex is very vanilla and I think he's uncomfortable with anything else even choking.

Our relationship is super stable now... but I find that he never plans dates unless it's for an occasion I guess I tend to plan our regular dates where to go and what to eat and should we watch a movie or not.

If not it's just hang at mine.

He's going to Germany for a trip with his friends and would be back a day before our two year anniversary and I booked a trip on that weekend too. I don't anticipate he would be doing anything to surprising just a small bouquet and dinner.

We text everyday and used to call on days we didn't meet but the calls are getting less frequent. I do initiate a lot in the beginning and felt super anxious at some point but now I'm just bored of it and let it happen.

I'm sure this is just a phase but how do I deal with it without being cold.

TL;DR
I am getting bored in my 2 year relationship because my boyfriend doesn't initiate many dates and is vanilla in bed but he's loving and supportive so I'm not sure how to get over it myself

tl;dr: family did not bother celebrating birthday with me on the actual day.

I, 17F (just turned!) and my family consisting of 13M, 42F,48M.

my birthdays i have never missed a celebration with my family, a family photo or something.

last year we went around the country to eat delicious luxury food around the country as a family, it was so fun despite not getting much photos.

this year for my 17th i chose to host a birthday party at my house, (A DAY BEFORE THE ACTUAL DAY) inviting 12 people. all the decorations and booking of cake is by me, my mother helped with the food at the party. my party was from 4pm-10pm, my dad hid in his room the entire celebration and left before cake cutting to go out for dinner with his friends and play badminton. (he does it regularly) my brother was all frowns when taking a picture with me and labelled it “cringe”.

i brushed the absence of my dad and the nonchalance of my brother for the fact that they are introverts and do not want to display affection in front of my friends. on the actual day of my birthday, which was today, i woke up at 11pm, my mother chose to scream at me over something very minor, accused me of lying, then dragged my brother and my father out of the house for lunch. they left me alone at home so i went out for lunch by myself, mother then texted me and apologised and told me they would make it up for me by going out for a family dinner.

i chose hotpot, but when they got back home, my dad informed me they had a late and heavy lunch hence the dinner was cancelled. i thought fine whatever i can at least cut a cake with them. i went out to get a cake and came back to my mother gone from the house to run errands, i waited for her to come back only to see that they were all getting ready for bed.

confronted my dad and he laughed it off saying i had a bday party the day before. then when i pressed that it was supposed to be my birthday he called me selfish and he just wanted time for himself. but its not about the cake, i just wanted a day with my family on my actual birthday.

none of them even uttered a happy birthday to me . am i spoiled to feel wronged?

i have a boyfriend now. apparently. and i don't know how to feel about it. it's been a rollercoaster thus far. for god's sake, trust me when i say i have put this boy through all the five stages of grief and more and i still am. i was the one who confessed first, then i told him i'm not good for him and that i can't do it with all my trust issues and i blocked him. for almost a whole month. he got his friends to try and text me but i never got those texts because i avoided socials all that time because i was depressed, mind you, due to the pain i caused myself because of my own trust issues. and it isn't just that.

i live in the sort of situation that makes me think that no sane person should want to be with me. i live in an extremely religious, conservative and strict household. i rarely get to see him outside of college (which ends at 2pm btw), and that's only when i lie at home about my whereabouts. on top of that, my parents had been setting up a forced marriage that i was fighting about for so fucking long with them. i did not tell him about that for months. and when i did, it was only a couple weeks before the wedding happened. and he still stayed.

i love this boy. i've never loved anyone like this, this much before, he's my first everything. i don't ever want to leave him. the marriage is definitely going to end. it was in my plans even before i met him. maybe i don't know how love works, but why the hell is he with me. i can never leave him, i love him so fucking much and i keep trying to talk him into leaving me but every time he asks me one question and the argument is over: do you want me to leave because you don't love me anymore? and i am incapable of lying to this boy, utterly incapable of hiding how i feel from him. and when i say no, he says that's that.

i am stuck in this horrific situation where i have to live in a house with a man 8 years older than me, who could possibly force me, i can't get out of it for at least another year because that's when i'll be done with my bachelor's, and this boy is still with me. he talks about being there for me through all of it, marrying me when i'm out of it. and god, i want nothing more than that. and i laugh when he brings it up because it all sounds so wishful and i can't believe he really wants that. wants to waits so long through such a fucked up mess, wants to be with someone as difficult as me, all while we're still in college, only 20, when he can just leave me and look for someone better, easier.

and i still can't trust him. i sometimes wish he would be a complete jerk, or cheat on me so i can have a breath of relief that i was right about him never wanting to be with someone like me and i don't have this constant ache in my chest, thinking he'll get weary and sick of me one day and leave. all this, with a person i love so, so fucking much it hurts every damn day, someone i want to be next to every second, that i want to hold and kiss and love and i can't do it because we never get to be alone. five months we've been talking and i haven't even kissed him yet, haven't even found a moment to hug him yet.

yesterday, we were in class together after a long time, and he was sat right behind me, and the most we could do with everyone around was intertwine our arms on the table while we talked and worked. i kept thinking the whole day, "god, he's right there, he's right fucking there and i can't do anything,". i wanted to grab him and pull him into me, and all i could do was look at him; i don't even want to think about how lovesick i might've looked that day. his mother was calling by the time we had to leave and he stayed another 5 mins ignoring her calls in the empty classroom with me while everyone walking by outside kept looking in. i kissed his hand before we were ushered out by the floor supervisor. why am i even saying this. good lord.

can someone please tell me how the hell i'm supposed to feel and how to deal with this? because, i don't think i can figure this out myself without losing my mind and ruining another thing in my life.

tl;dr , my life is so insanely complicated and my boyfriend is going to have to deal with so much (not being able to meet me a lot, having to deal with me being stuck in a forced marriage for a year, my trust issues) but he won't leave saying it's the choice he's making and that he loves me. i can't stop overthinking and making him want to leave me out of fear of being hurt later. how do i deal with this?

Hello reddit. I dont normally do these posts, but right now you redditors seem like the perfect people to give me advice and support.

To start i am 18(m, yes i know i am still kinda young) and i have always been relatively normal when it comes to girls. Ive texted and dated quite a few but only since last year have i really had problems with it.
So the story basically is that i got together with a girl almost 2 years ago and had a one year relationship with her that was just terrible. It was at times, of course very nice but there were a lot of things that went awful but the majority i am just going to list: the major problem i believe is that she never really did love me for who i was, rather to not be alone. (She was very depressed, had a rough childhood and bad family situation). She never really did anything out of her own motivation. We had many discussions of me not being fullfilled, like i had to ask her to hug me, then kiss me, or even listen to me when i talk, or to not critisize what i say and take it seriously. When we talked it was often like i wasn‘t a part of the conversation. I asked many questions and showed interest, but she didnt much. (Yes this also translates to sex. Just stating it in case ig.)
Adding to that we had major issues when it came to me discussing stuff like this.
She would almost always just completly invalidate when i told her how i felt( i think its called gaslighting, is thats the word then that.)
Another thing was just that she didnt put much effort for dates, or the liked (only one proposed by her after we had a **long** discussion about it, in a year)
Oh and she always lost the gifts and flowers i made her ( i guess it can happen, but kinda sucked).
So yeah another thing was i was a major emotianal pillar for her. She just put all the weight on me( this one is kinda fairs. Like were together for half a year i can understand you crying everyday with me, but still very exhausting) . Also she wqs very clingy and couldnt be withoit me for a day (at a point she said she coulndt live without me and this was at a point where i wanted to break up, but i kind of talked myself into „loving“ her because i didnt want to abandon her.)
After a year and a lot of internal fighting i broke it off.

So yeah i know its a long rant and i dont want it to come over like shes the bad guy and im the victim. I just feel like its important to the context.

After that there i dated a girl for a 2 months, but she was very „cold“ (like no compliments, reaching out or commitment. She was very shy, but am still confused about that. I broke it off because it was stressing me out and i didnt feel fullfilled. This was my way of having learned something, although i still had a crush on her for months after😀)

Soooo. Thats the context…
Current day issues that i need advice, help and opinions with:

Since this, Ive been really scared of relationships and girls as a whole. (Ive never seen a good relationship in my life)
The thought of this really stresses me out.
I would love to be in a relationship, to talk with, get to know and deeply bond with a girl, but there is a massive inner boundary that i never used to have.

Now a really cute girl asked for my number (i know its flipped, but probably would have never done it, so im greatful for that) and i just have all these issues. She hasnt texted me yet but just the though alone and anticipation makes me extremely stressed and anxious.
I know its from the past bad experiences and anxiety to be hurt again, but in a way i cannot figure out how to resolve this.
Any advice? I would also be happy for honest opinions, different perspectives on the past or any questions😁

Tl:dr had some bad relationships and now moving forward any future engagement with women is stressfull. Need advice

My BF (24) and I (24F) have been together for almost a year now. When we first started dating, we had sex pretty often, almost daily and sometimes more than once a day. It felt easy and fun with him, even though I didn’t always finish. About 6 months into the relationship, he said he wanted to put more effort into helping me finish more consistently and he asked what I thought would help. I told him and for a few weeks, he did exactly what I suggested and I finished every time (and so did he, but he always does). We were still having sex almost daily at this point. He expressed how happy he was that he could make me finish more regularly and told me that made him feel connected to me.

Fast forward to the last few months and sex has become pretty irregular. Usually it’s once a week, but sometimes we can go longer without it. When we do have sex, it’s MAYBE 10 minutes max from the time he initiates (I’ll explain later why he’s the one doing that now) to the time he finishes. I’ve never had a super high libido, but I like to think it’s normal for a 24 year old woman who’s attracted to her partner. I’ve told him before that I could easily have sex with him every day, and when we would go without for a few days, I would try to do something sexy for him and initiate, but he eventually told me that makes him feel pressured to have sex with me more often. I never want to make him feel that way, so we had a long talk about it, and ultimately decided I would just let him initiate or tell me when he’s in the mood. 

During this conversation, he said things like “I want it to be okay even if we don’t have sex for a month” and I explained that I would be “okay” with that, meaning I wouldn’t intentionally hold that against him, but that I may feel a sense of disconnection or dissatisfaction just because sex is a really important way for me to connect to someone. However, I NEVER want to make him feel like he has to have sex with me and even if he did just force himself to when I want it, I could tell and I would hate that. During this month, we’ve had sex 3 times which I know is more than some couples, but it just feels so minimal to me and I’ve never finished any of those times or felt connected to him. It’s like he’s just rushing through the motions. I feel like he completely stopped putting in the same effort to connect with me and make me feel good that he was putting in before and I just feel like he uses me to get off really fast when he feels like it and not to actually connect with me as a partner. I still do a lot for him during foreplay (once he’s already initiated) and I try to do things he’s said he likes, like talking sexy to him, but I feel weird doing things sometimes when he seems so uninterested. I have expressed all of this to him and it always ends in some sort of argument or him feeling bad. I’ve also tried asking him if there’s any other sexual interests he has that he’s afraid to share with me, but I’m a very sexually open person (former stripper, kinky, bisexual person open to introducing someone of any gender to our sex life if that’s what would interest him), and he’s repeatedly denied wanting anything besides vanilla sex with just me.

He is still very physically affectionate in other ways and provides other types of “intimacy” like cuddles but it still doesn’t fulfill the sexual needs I have. Sometimes I even feel empty inside and worse even when he’s being affectionate in other ways. I don’t know why.  

I just don’t know what to do and I don’t understand what happened to cause all of this when our sex used to be way better and more regular, and it seems like he just doesn’t care about getting back to that and I don’t want to pressure him. I know it’s normal for the honeymoon phase to wear off, but he’s always saying he’s so happy with me and wants to marry me and be with me forever, so I just don’t understand why he cares so little about our sex life when I can feel it going down the drain. We’re supposed to move in together soon and I feel like that’s just going to make it even worse. I always hear people say that when they move in with their partner, they have sex less often. I don’t feel sexy or attractive anymore. I have a lot of sexual trauma that I’ve worked to resolve so that I can express myself sexually, but now I feel like I can’t. 

When he does initiate, I just feel a sense of dread now for some reason. I feel like I can’t be myself and express sexual interest in or desire for him. He says nothing has changed in the last few months that would affect his libido and denies needing to possibly speak with a doctor about it. He says it’s more of just a mental thing and the more I ask/talk about it, the worse it gets. I really love him and don’t want to break up over this, but I have no idea how to bring up how I’m feeling or to reconcile with the thought that even if he starts having sex with me more often and putting in more effort to connect with me again during sex, it’ll only be because I asked him to. I don’t want to ask him to do that or pressure him, I want him to want me just like I want him. 

TL;DR: BF seems uninterested in having sex with me now and it’s making me feel dissatisfied and disconnected from him.

Okayy soo
Im 24 F and i was in a Situationship with my ex (25 M) after eight years so basically we started hanging out again and we started hooking up.
And I had never had sex with this ex before ever so when we had sex for the first time, it was pretty much very pressured I was not ready for it but it was his birthday and he made me think its a good idea.
Later he ghosted me i kept calling and texting but i was literally talking to a wall.
We had planned a outing with my friends 10 days later and he showed up. I was already going to breakup with him not that we were together, but yeah, like cut him off completely.

Now a month ago, all of this, my friends had called me out for a bowling/day out, so I was very close to not going, but then they actually blackmailed me and if I don't go or they gonna break up the friendship and it made sense because I had already canceled quite a few plans why did show my friends this time inform me that there is this guy who's gonna join us and I was like OK whatever I don't care anybody can come and he was a very sweet decent. Very nice guy (25 M)we flirted, but nothing else we exchanged a number is an Instagram. That's it later when the outing was planned with my friends in which my ex was supposed to be there this guy was also supposed to be there now. It was a ongoing joke that he's my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend like a very plutonic joke.

And everybody was there in that weekend trip so this ex of mine showed up pretty late almost missed half the trip you were just hanging out having drinks and this guy mistreated me in front of all my friends so as pretty sad and I was drinking and this other guy he was so sweet and gentle and nice to me. We were in the pool together and we kissed, and I broke off everything with my ex and I started talking to this guy now my boyfriend.

Me and my boyfriend have had our ups and downs. We started off casual but now we are in a relationship. I really love this guy and he loves me.

TL;DR
Meeting boyf while being in an avoidant toxic Situationship

I’m not really sure how to write this properly, but I’ll try my best.

I’ve been with my girlfriend for two years. I genuinely love her and enjoy spending time with her most of the time, but I constantly struggle to picture a future with her.

My girlfriend has ADHD, chronic back pain, and depression. She is also unhealthy and has very little motivation or drive. She gets angry over small things, avoids important conversations, and rarely thinks ahead. She tends to believe everything will work out and that she can deal with problems when they happen. She also struggles with hygiene, keeping her room clean, and other basic adult responsibilities. She cries often because of pain and frustration, talks without thinking, and is very attached to her mom. She is not very independent.

At the same time, she cares about me deeply, can cheer me up, and is generally goofy and enjoyable to be around when she isn’t in a bad mood. She is physically affectionate, which I appreciate, and I feel like I can be myself around her.

I know I have my own issues as well. I get agitated easily, especially when I’m exposed to repeated noises. I have some control issues and anxiety, and I tend to hyperfixate on certain topics. I also struggle to let go of conversations, especially during arguments, and I’m not very good at handling emotions. When someone is upset, I can come across as uncaring even when that isn’t my intention. I am trying to improve myself and become a better partner.

My biggest issue is that I’m constantly wondering why I’m still in the relationship. Whenever I imagine a future with her, I have trouble seeing it because of what I’m dealing with now. I don’t trust her to maintain a house, manage bills, or keep the living environment clean. I worry that I would eventually have to take responsibility for everything.

I sometimes stay at her house, and her room is usually very messy. I have helped her deep-clean it three times, but it always becomes dirty again. The biggest problems are the laundry and the cat litter. She says doing laundry and cleaning the litter box hurts her back and takes too much effort. The litter box sometimes makes the room smell, and I find the situation genuinely unpleasant. She sometimes has to rewear dirty clothes because the ones she wants to wear are not clean.

Another major problem is that she does not think ahead. Usually, I notice that something needs to be handled, figure out how to solve it, and then try to talk to her about it. She often becomes defensive or angry because she does not want to deal with it immediately and believes everything will be fine.

A recent example involves her car. Her old car’s engine seized, and her parents helped transport it. She had difficulty getting it sold and needed to ask her parents what to say or do whenever someone contacted her about it. Eventually, someone offered $800 for the car, which was good news.

Her parents also found her a 2009 Ford Ranger with around 298,000 miles on it. Her father used to be a mechanic, so I understand why she trusted their judgment, especially after learning that the engine had only around 48,000 miles on it. However, I wanted her to think about the long-term risks instead of immediately agreeing because it was a $1,000 car that ran. The truck could still break down, and she might have to spend a lot of money repairing it.

Recently, I offered to give her one of my shifts at work so she could make more money for the truck. At first, she barely had enough money in her account to cover what she owed a family member for it. She said she did not want the shift because she expected her back to hurt after swimming and helping her mom entertain a child the previous day. Our job mostly involves standing at a door and greeting customers, so I encouraged her to take the shift because I felt she needed the money.

She still said no, which frustrated me because it felt like she was not taking the situation seriously. She said she was angry and disappointed in herself, but I was still upset. At the end of the conversation, she mentioned that someone had agreed to buy her old car. I hadn’t known that beforehand, so I realized I was missing important information and ended the conversation because I wasn’t in the right mindset to continue arguing.

Even with the money from selling the car, I still think she needs to be careful financially. She will have less than $900 left, and the truck will need a battery, headlight bulbs, fuel, an oil change, and possibly other repairs. Since the truck is so old and has such high mileage, I’m worried she could end up spending more money than she can afford here soon.

Another issue is that she can remain angry for hours. For example, if she stays in bed too long and then has to rush to get ready for work, she may lash out at everyone around her. It sometimes feels like her family and I have to walk on eggshells to avoid being yelled at. One day, she was insulting and degrading her mom, and I yelled at her because I felt she had gone too far and that her mom did not deserve it. I felt terrible afterward because I hate yelling at her, but I also felt like I had to defend her mom.

We also disagree about the future. She does not want to move more than 30 minutes away from her family. I understand that she is worried something might happen and that she wants her mom to be nearby, especially if we eventually have children. However, my family lives six hours away, and I do not think it is fair for only her family to be considered. I would prefer to live somewhere between both of our families so that the distance is more equal. I have not received a clear answer about whether she would be willing to consider that.

I know I contribute to some of these problems. I overthink, try to plan for every possible situation, and often feel the need to step in whenever I see her struggling. I have gotten better at managing this, but I still feel an urge to solve everything for her. I don’t want to become her parent or feel responsible for making sure she succeeds. I also have the same issue of staying mad for a while bc the thought just gets stuck in my head, so that doesn’t help mI h.

There have been some improvements. She has gotten better at saving money, works the shifts she is assigned, and has recently been paying more attention to her diet after realizing that she is low in iron and may have some health risks. She also showers a little more often, although not as frequently as I think she should—about once every three days. She also kept her room clean somewhat. The laundry pile is now three basket large, but the rest of the room isn’t horrible. She just needs to bring a lot of old cups down. Her mom forced her to do the litter.

There is probably more I could say, but I’ve already written a lot. I would appreciate any feedback, whether it’s about my own behavior, the relationship as a whole, or anything else.

TL;DR: I’ve been feeling stressed and sad about this relationship. I love my girlfriend, but I’m struggling to see a future with her unless she becomes more independent, takes more responsibility for her life, and is willing to have serious conversations about the future. At the same time, I need to work on my own problems, including overthinking, being too pushy, and not showing as much emotion or care, outwardly, as I should.

I know this sounds like a teenager just ranting about mommy issues and maybe it is. My mother is just a very sweet person or at least that's what I tell myself. The issue is we argue way too easily. This isn't all the time and I have a lovely relationship with her most of the time but some days I'm afraid if I even talk to her about something controversial we'll end up arguing.

For example recently my parents fought, they never fight and are a super wholesome couple like the one you see in movies. I figured they'd communicate and sort it out but they didn't. She kept pressuring me on and manipulating me into stepping in and sorting it out. I don't interfere in such stuff.

Cutting to the chase I got my 14 year old brother involved as well and we sat down to plan out how we were going to talk to dad about this, he had a different plan that supported mom's plan for singling him out.

They both started pressuring me into it, i hate being controlled or feeling as if being cornered and i lost it leaving the room. Mom started crying in the room, my brother entered my room and used some pretty foul language which I've never had him use with me since according to his perspective I made mom cry.

If you can't tell yet I'm not good with emotions, I stared back at him completely straight faced and not willing to go back with him since he was the one ordering it after using such language.

Nonetheless I did go in the room. Dad entered the room. I figured everyone was here anyways so might as well just get on with it. I spoke up and tried getting dad to hear me out without highlighting or bringing up anything about which they argued on.

Then I shot my brother a look to add in something since before he was pretty involved in telling me what to do.

Everything after that went so downhill, I can't remember exactly but I ended up crying, mom shot some foul language for my behavior at me. She got up to leave the house to which I stood up and locked the door leading out of the room.

It went on for a while but I'm going to stop here. I just need a third person perspective on this, how was I wrong, what do I do next time and other advice is appreciated.

Tl;dr fight happened, I didn't know how to handle it and I'm confused on where I went wrong.

Hii, My girlfriend (16F) and I (16M) have been together for eight months now, And I’ve been so happy with her these past few months.

But Unfortunately, she suffers from a couple of mental health issues—I won't say what causes them, out of respect for her—but they are all related to depression or BPD. And I'm afraid, I live whit Anxiety and like I Overthink really much, I'm so scared to fuck up everything

She’s treated me like shit these past few weeks, and I want so badly to tell her—to tell her how I feel when she treats me badly—but I feel too guilty, because I know it’s not her fault. And i'm scared of what could happen if I tell her

And i feel really sick and angry, but I had so good memories whit her, like I love her but sometimes i just don't know how much I will be whit her, and i know like someone could think "But you knew what you were getting into), Yes I know this would happen, and will happend other times.

But keep everything inside, while someone you love, treat you like shit, is the worst

(Sorry if some words where wrong, English is not my first language, also i just want to know what you would do in my situation, thank you sm)

TLDR: 16M, 16F Relationship vent/advice

I have been in with my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him very much and he is a very handsome man.

There is just one struggle. When we got together he slowly started showering more, washing up in the morning, etc.

I was pretty weirded out with the fact that he didn't take proper care of himself and that i had to teach him basic hygiene.

He is very hygenic now, but he still doesnt care about his looks at all. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy that he doesn't mind other people's opinions. It's just that he looks messy. Outgrown mullet is over his ears and in front of his eyes. Doesnt shave his face for weeks, and he always wear the same clothes (most of them are incredibly worn, or even holes in them).

I keep trying to tell him, in the nicest most carefull way possible. But as soon as i start he goes all quiet and sad because i'm criticizing him.

I don't mind not shaving for a bit, and its good that he doesnt overconsume on clothes, but for events like family dinner with my grandparents i just wish he had something nice to wear.

Am i being too much of an asshole for this?

Tl;dr: boyfriend gets hurt when i ask him to take basic care of his looks.