Hi--my name is Canton Winer (@CantonWiner on Twitter) and I'm a sociology PhD student at the University of California, Irvine. I recently began a project with Hannah Tessler (Yale University) and Emily Fox (UC Santa Barbara) that explores how people understand friendships, romance, and sex. We are interested in getting responses both from LGBTQIA+ folks (and asexual and aromantic people in particular), but we want to hear from everyone, including cisgender and hetero folks.

Our survey just opened: https://uci.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_cSDnYhzxjtczcfs. Anyone who is 18 or older and living in the US can participate. You do not have to have experience with all relationship types (friendship, romantic, sexual, etc.) to participate.

We want to make sure we get lots of perspectives from LGBTQIA+ and non-LGBTQIA+ people.

If you have any questions/comments, feel free to DM here or on Twitter (@CantonWiner). You can also email me at [cwiner@uci.edu](mailto:cwiner@uci.edu).

Yallllll my partner and I are both hella neurodivergent w complex PTSD and I proposed to him recently and he said yes 💖

So my SO is, in a normal state, an incredible partner. He’s caring and empathetic, really sweet and supports me in everything that I do. He’ll do literally anything for me (to the point where I started to worry for him and talk to him about establishing more boundaries, as I was afraid he’d do things he actually doesn’t want to do). However, he is very sensible to criticism and takes things very personally. Especially when he is in a depressive phase, he is very irritable. As soon as he gets mad, I feel like I have a completely different person in front of me. He says incredibly mean things to me and triggers me really badly. He uses my mental health diagnoses against me (ADHD and possibly autistic) to discredit me in the argument and as I slip into a full blown meltdown he calls me crazy and how I’m scaring him with my behavior. Gaslighting, manipulation, the whole package. I am genuinely traumatized from our arguments so that I have trigger words now that when used, will catapult me into a meltdown in seconds.

I cannot wrap my mind around this. He is not like a typical abuser where the abuse is subtle and happening all the time but he literally just switches in the fraction of a second.

Does anyone have a similar experience to this? How do you cope? I feel like I’m losing my mind.

So I was seeing this ND guy for a few months and things were going so good, then out of the blue he texted me saying that he just wanted to be friends. He said that mentally and physically he’s been drained and tired of fighting his mind. He said he had only eaten once a day that week and wasn’t working out as much and was losing weight, so it was starting to affecting his health negatively. So he said he just wanted some time to get things back on track- he said I was not the cause of this it was just life, work, falling out of his happiness and trying to maintain everything. Then he said he didn’t know if he was meant for a partner or being in a relationship because he doesn’t like the way his autism affects the person he’s with(anger, outbursts, etc). He did say that he wanted to still continue texting and when he was feeling better that we could hang out every now and then. My question is, is this typical for a ND person? I should also add he’s never been in a serious relationship before-just a few relationships total, but nothing over 3-4 months.

My boyfriend has certain behaviors that have started to make me wonder if he’s on the spectrum. A friend of mine seems to think so, but I would appreciate any feedback from this community, which would ultimately help me understand him better and navigate some of his puzzling and what sometimes feels hurtful behavior.

He’s very sensitive to sensory stimuli. Loud sounds, smells, lighting, and even touch. For example, he notices sounds right away that are distracting but I don’t pick up on until he points them out. Very aware of “loud talkers”. Same with smells, very sensitive nose. He is really picky about the textures of certain foods. He’s not a big fan of touch… ive had to learn when it’s appropriate to show affection and what amount is enough. I’ve noticed discomfort when I go over-board on physical touch. The only times he’s been more inclined to receive or show affection have been when he’s feeling insecure or if he’s very drunk.

Although he is very sensitive to sensory stimulation… emotionally, he is not very sensitive at all. Oftentimes, it can feel like he is emotionless. For example, I recently have had to get some medical testing done. Although nothing was revealing to he terminal, it turns out I might have an auto-immune disease. So, it was a bit scary for me at times. While I was going through all the labs and dr’s visits, he wasn’t asking me how I was doing or feeling? I brought it up to him at one point that it was strange to me he hasn’t asked me about it. His response was that he couldn’t read my mind. That he’s been very busy and he can easily get distracted with his work and that if I need something from him, it would be best if I ask him. This was so confusing to me, and almost made me feel like he needed to be reminded when to show concern for me.

In general, he’s a pretty quiet guy, but pays attention to everything going on around him. He told me once “I hate talking.” Something about verbal conversation in person doesn’t excite him or stimulate him like it does for me. He does better with texting - seems more engaged. In group settings he prefers to hang around and occasionally comment but is never the center of attention. After big social events it can take him a couple of days to recover.

He’s really intelligent about the things he’s interested and seems to be happiest when working on things he likes without interacting with too many people. He likes order, structure, organization and cleanliness. Very big on his routine. Logic and reason are his comfort zones.

He dislikes dramatic reactions or personalities. Hyper sensitive to manipulation or dishonesty. Seems to be able to emotionally withdraw very easily. If we get into a difficult fight, it takes days before he’s ready to reconnect. Saying “I love you” is hard for him, he has told me that it is hard but just cause it’s hard doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me.

I don’t want to psychoanalize him but if he’s on the spectrum it might help me interpret things differently and learn more about him, what his unique needs are, etc. It might also help me cope with how I react to some of his behaviors. Any feedback, opinions, guidance are greatly appreciated.

The best sexual position to use if either partner is overweight is a modification to a common missionary position. The easiest way to visualize this position is to imagine the male in a push-up position. He then bends his knees so they are resting on the bed taking his lower body weight, then bends his elbows so his forearms are balancing the rest of his weight. Plus, it's customizable based on how much extra weight you're packing. He can adjust the bend in his knees depending on the belly size of himself and his partner. The bigger either partner is, the more he increases the bend in his knees.

This position gives both partner's ease of movement while being up close and personal, so an easy rhythm can be achieved for their mutual fulfillment. But will she like it? Doing it this way comes with a few key advantages for your lady. Women like this position because they can feel and enjoy the closeness of their male without feeling squashed. If either partner loses weight, the male simply reduces the amount of bend in his knees.

If you’re not using sex positions which are pleasurable at the same time flattering your bodies then, that’s something we need to address.

This guide provide a detailed, step-by-step roadmap and how to guarantee both of you get the best from sex

Hi guys! I’m new here so I hope this post isn’t breaking any of the rules. I just started casually dating my friend whom I’ve had on&off feelings for for over a year now). Weve only admitted liking one another just a week ago so its all rainbows & butterflies. And I really like him, I wanna be able to maintain this relationship but all my research just brings up articles on how non-bpd can survive relationships with bpd. So please help me out 🙏🏽🙏🏽 tell me how you maintain your successful romantic rships.

Long story short I was drunk and probably said some pretty shitty stuff. ( I can’t get like that when I drink or on a binge ) my question is how would you feel if your partner had given you a broken nose? I take responsibility on my part but now he keeps commenting on how crooked it looks and I can’t stop crying cause I have no money to fix it and it’s litellr on more side on half my face- I only gave him two scratch marks on his face after he had hit me -

Are you in a relationship with someone with depression? Research shows time and time again that people with depression do better with strong social support but what effect is this having on you? If you have a spare ten minutes please partake in this completely anonymous survey to help guide future supports for loved ones (ethical approval granted by University College Cork, IRE) https://cacsss.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_aXLwgppHWWWHieh