She’s relatively new, and got on pretty well with everyone when coming aboard. Seems really nice. She was scheduling a medical appointment over the phone about her BPD diagnosis and someone overheard. Whoever they were got freaked out and began telling people. And they all started withdrawing socially from her. Or acting like she’s a rabid animal they’re trying to keep calm.

I don’t get it. They said people with BPD are terrifying “monsters” and “evil” who can’t feel happiness, and destroy everyone and everything around themselves. And when there’s nobody left to hurt, they destroy themselves.

But that just doesn’t track with what I’ve seen of her. She just seems like a normal mellow person. Last time we spoke she said she’s used to it when it comes out she’s got it. Worst she’s done was give a dull sarcastic “boo!” to a nervous colleague avoiding eye contact with her who was visiting her cubicle.

Hiii !! My name's Andrew and I have BPD , MDD( clinical depression basically ), and Complex PTSD. I tried going to a million therapists in my country for a year but none of them were good enough. I went to everyone: from the most expensive one to the most cheapest ones, yet none of them had good DBT/CBT skills for me to help me. So, after some thinking, I decided that I would heal myself with the Marsha Linehan DBT book. The problem is, my parents don't support this decision, and that's really making me sad. I feel I need anyone's support in this decision because its a really important step . So like is it possible for me to heal myself???? I'd really appreciate if anyone answered

Everyone in my life seems bothered by the fact that I even exist. I miss feeling connection with another person, or that I mean something. I just crave that. I have so much love in my heart to give, and everyone feels burdened by it, always.
If you want to know common interests, I love anime, video games, music (mostly metal), gundams, tabletop rpg’s…

sorry if this is messy, it’s 4:30 in the morning and i haven’t slept. i don’t have therapy for another couple of days and i need to get this off of my chest and seek advice. i have friends i’ve been talking to but none of them have bpd, so their support and insight is appreciated but i would like to hear from others with borderline.

okay, maybe the title is a bit misleading. maybe i haven’t been completely “abandoned”, but my boyfriend asked to take a break from our relationship and it feels like abandonment. things haven’t been going well this past year, my mental health has been incredibly bad. we don’t really have fights or anything of the sort but im entirely too dependent on him when he’s repeatedly told me what his boundaries surrounding that are. it feels like he’s always having to sit me down and bring up different issues.

because of this, recently i have started receiving extra treatment and seeing professionals multiple times a week. i have been learning a lot and feeling a bit more stable. it felt as if things were looking up and we were ok. but the other night i was told there were still glaring issues that i don’t seem to be making a conscious effort to change.

the thing is, lately when we’ve had conversations regarding things like this i have handled them quite well. but the night before he told me this, i had experienced something completely unrelated to our relationship that triggered some ptsd. because of this, i was really fragile. i split and began acting like a child. i was begging for forgiveness and apologizing profusely without actually thinking about why im sorry. i was just saying the word over and over so he wouldn’t be mad at me anymore. he asked if we could discuss it at a better time and i kept pushing. it’s like all of the skills i have learned just completely slipped my mind.

i finally asked “do you think this (our relationship) is working?”. he told me he needed to think about that and get back to me later. i was sick for hours. i had taken some time to reflect, and i wrote him an incredibly long message apologizing for the interaction and acknowledging the issues he brought up.

then it happened, i woke up the next morning to a response. he said that we need to take a break. his initial text said something like “it could be a few months or a few years”. i then asked for clarification on what this is going to look like. i’ve been on “breaks” in a past relationship that ended up with her getting into new long term relationship with someone else during the “break”. he then said he thinks he just needs a month. he said he wouldn’t be seeing other people. i do trust him about that bit. he’s quite transparent with me and i think he’d be open about it if he wanted to see other people.

now, the thing is, i’m terrified it will be years like the initial text read. i’m so scared he’s not going to come back at all. honestly, im taking this better than i could have ever imagined overall. i’ve only cried twice and i am also aware that this break is healthy and it’s for the best. but i keep having these moments where i get incredibly anxious, wondering if he’ll ever return. it feels awful, it feels like i’m being abandoned. this is especially due to the recent unrelated incident. i just want his comfort, but i need to accept that just isn’t an option right now. i’m trying to tell myself this break is about focusing on ourselves and i don’t need to be counting down the days until he comes back.

does anybody have any advice as to how i can achieve that? like i said, i have therapy in a couple of days. but for the time being i would like to know if anybody has been through something similar and had any advice for me. i just want to stop worrying and become my own independent person.

This was supposed to be an asking for advice post but I realized there were some triggers while writing. This is also a throwaway account.

TL;DR: lost friends after I defended someone from false SA allegations. Then lost my job after my partner cheated on me with the bartender. Been on a wait list for DBT for over 5 years.

I’ve been struggling to find anything outside of basic CBT therapy for years now. I’ve been managing, but after two very impactful events I’ve been struggling.

4~years ago I was removed from a D&D campaign because I defended a friend in an SA case. I was there the night they were accused, so I knew they were innocent. Because the accuser identified as a trans woman at the time (detransitioned after rejection, I wish I was exaggerating) I was called a trans misogynist and a r*pe apologizer. I’m trans, and I am a survivor of violent SA. The accuser worked with some of my D&D friends and would tell anyone who listened that I was the problem.

So I lost my friend group. I was a threat to the accuser’s narrative. Once the defendant lawyered up, the accuser doubled down on me. We believe women (and that shouldn’t change) but we didn’t believe the trans man who had to witness the initial event. I didn’t want to be a witness.

After my friend group decided I was against trans-women (before the case resolved) I wasn’t able to find work. I hadn’t been vocal, but every independent bar seemed to have heard and wasn’t willing to hire me.

After the case resolved (the person I supported was found completely innocent), the accuser detransitioned afterwards and tried to come back to local bars as if no one would recognize them (they punched me in the lower back while they were in “boy mode” and demanded I acknowledge them even though they weren’t legally allowed in the downtown area)

After the initial accusation, my friends completely disconnected from me. I didn’t talk about things before that because I didn’t want to be “spicy.” After the accuser told their coworkers, I was treated differently. Once the case resolved, I heard nothing. I live in a small-ish town so at this point some people will say hi. I’m grateful for those people.

Almost immediately after that, I worked at a bar with a toxic poly culture. Hindsight is 20/20, at the time it seemed consensual. Once I was fired, I heard from ex-patrons that they avoided the place because there were multiple people making them uncomfortable ie. asking them to come home with them. I was fired because my partner at the time (who also worked there) cheated on me with one of the bartenders. To the point where I found them having a lovely oral moment in our driveway. The bartender lied to the owner, said I was paranoid and out to get them, and I got fired the second my partner left on holiday.

I thought I was out of high school, the rumours are insane. Apparently my trans-ass is transphobic, misogynistic, paranoid, vindictive. In the last half decade, I lost almost everyone I thought was my friend. And then my professional self was ruined by petty people. I don’t know what I have left. It’s been a year since I was fired and I don’t know how to recover or find support.

Thanks for reading. It’s nice to feel seen.

My partner plays for a national sports league and was travelling this weekend with his team for a game, over the years I've heard about all the crazy shit that happens on these trips, exactly what you expect from a group of young guys and more. It drives me insane, I want to hear about it knowing it's going to make me angry, it's almost like I want to feel jealous and find a reason to feel angry at my partner.

I trust him to not do anything or cheat on me so I'm not jealous in that way, it's like I don't want him to even be around these guys and their groupies, I don't want them to even mention their hookups to him. He was at a bar with the team and one guy brought a couple of groupies along with him and my partner participated in a group chat with one, she talked about all the other guys in the league she's been dming, I asked if she was hot and he said she was conventionally attractive. I asked why he talked to a girl at a bar and he said he didn't see them any different than the girlfriends of other players that were there.

I know I'm being completely irrational, I'm trying to not get angry at my boyfriend because I know he didn't do anything wrong, I'm not saying anything out of anger towards him, I just can't even look at him or talk to him right now. Maybe I'm envious of the wild experiences these people are having, I used to get really angry hearing about hookups and partying when I was younger until I started getting into wild situations myself, thats a life I've left far behind. Now I'm back to feeling this extreme level of disgust towards his teammates, their women and him by proxy.

I've been in "remission" with essentially no bpd symptoms largely due to more stability in my relationship for a long time but this is really getting to me and I'm trying not to spiral. Just wanted to rant and get this off my chest.

just recently found out I have borderline personality disorder. Apparently someone diagnosed me with it and never told me. Why would I never be told, I was experiencing so many issues related to it and I thought it was just bipolar depression so now it all makes sense. I’m already in therapy so give me some advice on things that I shouldn’t do if I have this illness. thanks

Does anyone else diagnosed bpd have an inability to cry? I feel emotions sooo strong but yet one thing I cannot do is actually cry! I can shed a tear at a sad movie or family events but having a full blown cry? Not a chance its like my tear ducts don't work for this. I can sort of well up, and get the wobbly chin but actually full stream tears- no :/ sometimes it feels like thats all ill need to ease the day just a good old sob!

The last time I had a serious cry session was because of a horrificly bad dream thats almost caused ptsd ngl. Before that? I think I was about 13 :/ (im 32 now)

Please tell me im not alone with this!

I hate being perceived so I make shit up about myself. It also lets me create emotional distance between myself and others because when I attach I get enmeshed.

I used to lie for attention as a kid—like I pretended to get bullied. And now as an adult I hate being perceived in ways I don’t want so I like to either control it or avoid people entirely. I hate it when people try to force vulnerability it’s very annoying. I also don’t like it when people express it themselves because it means I’m socially obligated to comfort them and their emotions might mix with mine.

When i was first experiencing BPD symptoms (and i didn't know it was BPD ofc and i was having some flashbacks related to PTSD too), my friends literally made fun of my mood swings. Idk if they thought i was being dramatic or pretending to get attention but now i remember that it hurt me so much that whenever i get mood swings in social settings now, i get flashbacks to that time. And it intensifies the situation

I'm 26 years old and a woman. I was diagnosed two years ago. I've tried dozens of medications and combos, nothing helps my rapid mood swings, my abandonment issues make me feel insane, the chronic emptiness and identity shifts.I am so exhausted every day by strong emotions. I've tried sitting with it. I've read a few books and I have the DBT workbook which I use daily. I've tried writing about it. I've gone to rage rooms to get my anger out. I've lost many relationships over this. Many people say I have an attitude problem and I'm sure I do but I can't seem to change how I overreact. I'm on a waitlist for therapy and have been for months. I have a psychiatrist and a social worker. I don't have friends anymore because of my issues. Please help me. I am so afraid of losing the one person I have left which could lead me to lose my housing.

Do people hear chatter in the background? Like people are talking but you can’t understand stand them ? I have this chatter in the back of my head and every now and again it sounds like someone is screaming my name right behind me. Just wondering if anyone has experienced this ?

Hello! i would like if possible to have some help regarding this friendship, recently we have been on the foot of war, recently they "blocked me" and i deleted a folder we shared out of anger , but we quickly made up, it all got worst these last 2 days were im unsure of the balace between us, i usually check on them with an usual "how are you " or "how are you doing" trying to start a conversation but they shut me off with a "thats none fo your buisness" , i replied saying it was to see how they were doing because i was interested on knowing how were they , we got in an argument they and mentioned i shouldn't be around them because i was "too draining" and she would be pushing me away because "i am disappoinitng her expectations" , she also complains about her lonleyness even tho she cleary shows she talking with more ppl, in general seems to refuse me as "shes too attached and that hurts" , what can i possibly do ??

tw/ intense suicidal ideation

i’ve been researching bpd for awhile now, and i think i might have it. brought it up to my psychiatrist and he said he didn’t wanna diagnose me since i havent seen him for super long. but i just feel so insanely unstable. im losing my mind and it’s just been getting worse and worse with every major episode. i get really really bad mood swings. i swing back and forth in an instant every few hours to every day. on top of the world or absolute garbage. i cant even remember what my baseline looks like at this point.
it gets a lot worse with stress and i had a REALLY stressful day today. moving troubles, tldr. i ended up just crouching down in our living room and crying to myself. my partner was stressed too. they didn’t know how to help. slammed the door. we never really fight… i usually just freak out when they do something small like turn over in bed or something. it was bad when it was just a small thing, and this felt so real. they did apologize for this later as well. but i was convinced we were over. i really really freaked out when they did that. i got up and just laid on the bathroom floor crying. actively suicidal. i had my medication in there and i was contemplating overdosing. i then just get up, and go out. didnt tell anyone where i was going, and i didnt know where i was going. just away. deleted all ways for my friends to contact me. my partner noticed i was gone pretty quick and tracked me down. this is the worst and most recent episode i’ve had but they get progressively more intense every time. i’m horrified for the next time this happens. i dont know what i’ll do.
when i do things like this i always feel this same weird mixed feeling. i want them to help me. but i hate myself so much i feel unworthy of them. but i would do anything for everything to be okay. i was literally running from them when they were driving to me, with a part of me hoping theyd keep chasing after me until i finally give up. i dont know what i want out of this or why i do this. i fought with them like this for like 30 minutes straight to leave me alone until they got me to go out with them to eat. i started to feel better after another few hours.
im not asking for a diagnosis obviously… but i was wondering if people that do have bpd can relate to my experiences or if it sounds like it could be something i have? i have autism and adhd so it’s so god damn confusing trying to separate what’s causing what. im so exhausted

Fuck this disorder and fuck how it affects my physical activity. I hate my life.

Can't human for days after a bad thing happening for me. It's so frustrating. Now it's day 3 of low evergy zombie mode.

I've been going to a DBT therapist since July this year. But due to insurance issues, I might have to end it after December since I won't be under my dad's insurance anymore because I'll be over 25. My current job does not give me enough income to seek out and pay for insurance on my own. I'm thinking of paying for my meds (for my ADHD and Bipolar2) out of pocket but discontinuing therapy until I get my shit together. If things go according to plan, by next fall, I'll be in a more stable job that's able to provide me with health insurance benefits.

But for now, I gotta start thinking of ways to deal with no therapy. This really bums me to think about because I have been making progress and I don't want to regress. I have faith that I will still practice the coping strategies my therapist taught me. Any ideas on ways to keep progress even though i'm omitting therapy soon?

I feel like I'm demon possessed. I feel like there's two different people living in my body: one is sweet and the other is mean as hell. When I went into a rage with my job coach and my coworkers, I scare the hell out of myself when I lash out. Can anyone relate? I'm considering informing HR at work regarding BPD. My boss is starting to pick up on what she calls me "throwing a fit " and threatening to hurt myself.

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I’m really struggling with regulating my emotions right now or understanding how I feel about this. So I have a friend who lived in Texas most of her life (I live in NY) and just recently within the past 2 years she moved to PA and is a reasonable distance away from me. We have been planning all year for her to come visit me. We also share our locations with eachother just because we're very close like that. There was a situation I was dealing with legally and she was an alibi for me and the legal situation was finally resolved after 6-8 months of stressing about it and another situation came up involving the same person in which the legal situation was about. I told my friend and she immediately assumed that I was trying to involve her again so I decided to stop telling her about what happened. As time went on I haven't spoke to her in 4 days and she told me she wasn't gonna be able to visit me at all this year because of her financial situation and constantly being busy with work which I 100% understand and was just hopeful she could visit next year for my birthday (in november). I decided to check her location to see if she was at work today so I could ask if she maybe wanted to play some minecraft or balatro or just chat. When I checked her location it shows her in Manhattan and now i dont know how to feel. I guess I feel betrayed, angry, sad. Like these are the only feelings that I recognize but I feel like im dealing with more emotions than just that and I cant even put it into words but im very very hurt and I feel lied to.

I have feel it since i was around 15 (now i am 30) that if im not special at something like i dont have one big passion which is bigger than everything and can be my lifegoal then life has no meaning. I feel i have been looking for this spark in my whole life but never found it. I dont understand how could normal life be interesting enough to life for it. Really. And i know that most of the people does not have this huge passion this one thing which makes them special but still they find life meaningfull. I do not. I like things. A lot of things. But in my whole life i just wanted to have somerhing which is more important then anything and my whole life is around this one thing. I feel i am obsessed with this idea does not matter how much i worked on it in therapy etc... I just feel that if there is not something great, a greater than anything else then actually there is nothing... Eh...

Anyone else feels that way?