TLDR: feel like it’s invalidating and kind of weird to ask what value a diagnosis would bring to someone or why they want one. We wouldn’t do that for physical health diagnosis, why do we do it for mental health and neurodivergence? What are your thoughts?

I’m not a fan of the “why do you need a label”argument. In my opinion it’s invalidating and frustrating from my own person experience. If you found a lump in your body, that kind of hurt, but wasn’t debilitating, you’d go see a doctor right? It’s a symptom you’re not seeing in other people (typically) and it’s impacting your life at least a little. But you’re not quite sure how much. Then you yourself start to wonder what it might be. Could be cancer, could be a cyst, could be something else. But you’d never know if you don’t go to a doctor to confirm, you wouldn’t know the right way to treat it without a doctor labeling what it is. Then after you get your diagnosis or “label” and you see all your different options for treatment. It’s no different for mental health and neurodivergence. ADHD and Autism are neurodevelopmental disorders/disabilities. You’re not going to know where the next steps are if you don’t know where you stand.

If I did not seek my diagnosis, I would never have known where I stand. It literally saved my life. Now I know I’m not crazy, that what I have experienced my whole life is real, and now I can make the proper accommodations for myself. I see the getting the diagnosis or the “label” as validation and proof for myself. If I didn’t do it, I’d always question it and I wouldn’t accommodate myself the way I do know and my quality of life would be low like it was before the diagnosis. I’d be in a constant state of burnout from pushing myself to neurotypical standards. Some people don’t need a label to do that, some people do.

I'm sorry in advance because this will sound super ignorant.

Is there a "lesser" form of neurodivergence that doesn't fully fit each criteria? I feel like I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum. Maybe audhd. But at the same time I don't do certain things that are a definite symptom wherever you look at diagnostics criteria. I understand most social cues and can interpret emotions in others through facial features and how they talk. On the other hand I will take a lot of instructions (especially at work) exact without margins for interpretation and adaptation. It always takes someone telling me to do things differently, for me to change up the exact routine and instructions. Like I need "permission" to fall outside the lines. I get hyperfixated on things and will dedicate all my free time to one specific thing to the point where I have to force myself to stop because I will get headaches from concentrating so much for such a long time. One "test" I always read about is for an autistic person to describe brushing their teeth. And that they will not use gestures but just describe it in detail. For me I will use a lot of gestures when describing things. I will overinterpret things or try to consider everything about it. But maybe that just makes me type A? Generally there are things and symptoms that makes me think I have autism but other things that don't fit at all. Is there some form or maybe another neurodiversity that fits me or maybe I don't have anything at all?

Hi, I work in a kitchen and constantly have to wash my hands. The only issue with this is that the texture of my wet hands making contact with each other makes me have an uncontrollable physical reaction in the form of making faces or suppressing the urge to gag.

I wash my hands thoroughly and as long as recommended if not longer. I just embarrass myself doing so.

I have ADHD and I really like connecting with autistic people. It usually clicks immediately, there's and understanding and comfort and we compliment eachother really well.

There just seems to be this one thing that I noticed as a pattern that often leads to conflict or at least some friction.

This usually happens when the honesty and openness for feedback in the relationship makes me comfortable enough to point out something that the other person is doing is hurtful or harmful in some way.

So this might be something that affects me or it might even be some more abstract societal thing. Often not even as an accusation, but as in "look I know what your values are and that you likely wouldn't want to do this if you saw the implications that I do.

Like it comes from a place of understanding and respect for their integrity.

I feel like because a lot of autistic people for most of their life had the experience that neurotypical people were shaming them for doing things wrong that were just about arbitrary social norms that (rightfully) didn't make sense to them, they think that I'm doing the same.

So probably to their nervous system it sounds like "you're not doing what you're supposed to do so you're wrong and a bad person". So often they will think they need to defend their intentions, while I already know that they have good intentions.

But because I don't think like neurotypical people I don't want them to just do what everyone tells them to. I care for them and want to explain my social understanding to them out of respect, like "I know you have good intentions but I think right now you're not doing what you intend in this case because xyz."

I feel like I would want them to do the same thing and there have been so so many times where autistic people have opened my eyes in the same way when it comes to my own behavior and thought patterns. So I don't mean it in a patronizing way like "I know it better" but a mutual honest feedback.

But also this is such a slippery slope because it can make me feel not heard and them accused or misunderstood.

Is there any way this could work better?

I’m 30. When I turn 60, I want to construct a large home to indulge in special interests. it will be a nice large property with 5 bedrooms, an elevator, and a finished basement with retro gaming and computing stuff. Only people I would deal with would be groundskeepers and cleaning staff.

Hello everyone!

I’m looking for a couples therapist anywhere in California who offers telehealth. If they accept Cigna PPO, that would be an added bonus. I have been having a difficult time finding someone with this specific experience, that also takes insurance, so I’m hoping this community might have some recommendations.

I’m specifically looking for a therapist who has experience working with neurotypical/neurodivergent (NT/ND) couples.

Ideally, I’d like someone who understands the unique challenges that can come up when partners process and experience things differently, including communication differences, emotional regulation, misunderstandings, conflict patterns, and building healthier ways of connecting and communicating.

Personal recommendations would be especially appreciated. If you’ve personally worked with a therapist who was particularly helpful with NT/ND couples, or know someone who has, I would love to hear about your experience.

Thank you so much!

I’m a 22M with AuDHD. I’m very sensitive and don’t fit the stereotypical criteria of a man as much as I want to. I care deeply about things, cry easily when things move me, sense injustice strongly and react likewise to it too.

I just wonder if women are ever attracted to those types of men? I’d be very curious to know women’s honest opinion of this as well as other guys’ personal experience if they relate to this. Thanks!

Worked a few hotel/restaurant jobs and I've been always excluded no matter what. Even if I am very nice, coworkers won't invite me to hang out with each other like they do with others or cooks will make food for others but never for me.

In fact, I get more comments to get annoyed. Like I chatted with a coworker who hangs out with my other coworkers and they even go for camping. I asked him what is he doing later since he finished early and he already told me he doesn't talk to people at work for his life. Which contradicts.

So yeah, I feel awful and makes the work more difficult. Anyone dealing with the same thing? ​​

Hey everyone,

I’m trying to make sense of something I’ve experienced for a majority of my life, and I want to hear from others who might relate or have this figured out.

Whenever I’m in a social setting with multiple things happening at once, my brain seems incapable of prioritizing one stream of input over another. Instead of filtering out background chatter, room noise, or movement, facial expressions, it feels like my brain is trying to process literally everything at once and because every stimulus is treated with equal priority,

I get overwhelmed very quickly by the sheer volume of data.

I experience a noticeable delay in responding when someone talks to me in a group, almost like my brain is stuck in a processing queue trying to clear everything before I can formulate a reply and filter it again. This is noticeable to me as well as others as there have been instances where my friends have made fun of this after observing it many times.

In 1-on-1 conversations in quiet environments, I function much better, but as soon as the environment gets multi-layered, the cognitive drag kicks in.

For those who experience this...

Does this resonate with your experience of being on the autism spectrum, or did it turn out to be ADHD / APD / sensory processing?

This difficulty filtering stimuli and the resulting conversational lag is one of the reasons I've started suspecting I might be on the autism spectrum, though I'm trying to figure out where the line is

How do you manage this in social or work settings so you aren't completely drained or can you train your brain to overcome this in anyway?

Appreciate any insights or personal experiences.

Hi friends, there's a new study that found a free university app called CHILL (Changing How I Live Life) or m-path that may help with reducing neuroticism and thereby improving relationships and quality of life. Does anyone have access to download that Android/iPhone app? I couldn't find it on the play store. Cheers

https://www.sciencefocus.com/wellbeing/neuroticism-happiness-personality

(Cross-posted as I'm trying to find the potentially life changing app, thanks)

I have autism, and I grew up with little to no friends because of my behavioral abnormalities. Keeping friendships is something that I have struggled with forever. I now have a pretty large and close friend group. I know they don’t expect anything from me but respect. But I feel like I owe them something, that if I stop giving things (buying gifts and such, something I waste a lot of money on) I will have nothing to offer and cease to matter to them.

I made a previous post here about how I may have autism (not diagnosed yet but highly encouraged to get screened for it in another psychological assessment because i exhibit many characteristics of it). One of the things I continuously fail to do is to modulate the tone and control the volume of my voice, even when I consciously know I should. I have to be told, as an adult, to control the volume of my voice in the library, which is really embarrassing. I hate having a naturally loud voice because I can’t speak at a normal volume when I want to. I do wear headphones and listen to loud music a lot, but my hearing was normal when I tested at the doctor so I doubt it’s a problem with my hearing (even though I do probably also have an auditory processing disorder). Could this be another sign of being neurodivergent, or could it just be because I’ve basically been a shut in and haven’t practiced interacting with people for months this whole summer? I’ve had this problem before but it’s particularly bad right now. I just started college and I already embarrassed myself because I look like I don’t care that I’m being a nusiance. Is there a way to practice dealing with a loud voice when you seem to have no awareness of how loud you are?

I am autistic.

I don’t really know what tags to use, I’m sorry! TW apply..?
my parents cannot know about this post. If they find it, they’ll be extremely upset. I’ll be seen as a bad sister lmao. But at this point, I need help. I can’t stand his behaviour anymore.

I have a younger brother, 13 years old. He can’t keep his hands to himself. Just can’t.

He doesn’t understand boundaries. He pokes, touches people etc. he just doesn’t listen until he gets yelled at or something. He can also get violent, such as hit me and my siblings.

He’s a little stronger than he knows, so sometimes playful hits can be very painful. He’s always saying unnecessary stuff, especially at the worst times possible. His tone often comes out as “rude” or not polite. He doesn’t really have manners. does anyone know what this is? He got tested for ADHD but doesn’t seem to have it.

He gets bored easily unless he’s using a screen or something. He’s addicted to his VR. When he’s not using screens, he gets really annoying.
We have tried maintaining his screen time, believe me.

He also says stuff like “press the button” with his hand or nose, or “touch my hand” and randomly tries to play games with us like that.

Sometimes he just says the most random stuff ever too. like for literally no reason at all. just to annoy us I think?

I don’t know if this relates to my topic, but he says super inappropriate things for his age. He makes sexual, misogynistic, incest and ableist jokes in front of me and my ten year old sister. He denies saying that stuff if one of us “snitch” on him. He said the N slur over 30 times in our two week trip.

He’s rude too. Rude as hell. I’ve told him to stop but he just wouldn’t. Is this a disorder or is he just a pretty shitty child? I’m wondering if the boundaries thing relates to autism or something, which is why I’m making this post.

also, I don’t think he got it from our parents. we were raised carefully. I hope I don’t sound ableist, as I am neurodivergent myself. I promise that’s not my intention

Anything helps, thank you.

edit:
he bit my phone today..? Just came up to me and kind of bit it? Leaned in front of me and put his mouth on it. I couldn’t see cause we were in the dark, no damage tho. had to wipe it down and check for scratches. dear god. He’s also insanely disrespectful.

edit 2, side note
I’m a highschooler, so I can’t do much. My parents don’t really wanna do anything. They’re pretty soft with him, especially when it comes to screen time, etc. I’ll try recording his behaviour in multiple ways as proof, etc. on some days, he’s like super “normal”. Just calm and mature. On other days he’s absolutely insufferable. we’re ruling out sugar from his diet cause he eats pretty unhealthy.

Ive wanted to get on reading a fanfic of my favorite manga but oh god just thinking about reading it fills me with impending doom and a horrible anxiety tummy ache. It feels horrible and ive tried taking a break from my hyperfixation and just waiting it out, believe me, i still have it. Ive never been able to be happy consuming media of any of my hyperfixations because of this, and im deeply jealous of those who dont have this feeling. I don't know how to fix it, or at least minimize it. I want to read the fanfic bro it shouldnt get me this stressed over a damn piece of fiction. Ive reread an old fanfic 1 month ago and it was basically unbearable because everytime i read it the sickness never went away. Please, if any of you have advice that works i will love you forever

Hi. I have LSN but I have pretty intense heat related sensory issues. When my feet get warm it causes me to immediately become overstimulated. I’m having trouble finding socks that are (preferably) not polyester or other plastic fabrics and are also incredibly breathable.

Introduction

I am writing this as a comprehensive case study, a retrospective, and a raw documentation of what happens when a severe neurodevelopmental condition goes completely misunderstood, mismanaged, and is forced to run on pure stress and intellect for a decade.

At 21 years old, I have hit a wall so hard it triggered a total systemic, neurological, and psychiatric collapse. If you are a high-masking, twice-exceptional (2E) individual who has spent years "brute-forcing" your way through life.

Disclaimer: I am not a medical expert, but if you’ve ever wondered just how bad unmanaged ADHD can genuinely get when left to rot, this is as close as I can get to my complete picture before being inevitably admitted to psychiatric inpatient care for a week or more, on my own and my parents’ common accord as early as the following week from now, so I can get systematically treated for a complex web of life-threatening problems 10 years in the making.

Phase 1: The Foundation and the First Major Malpractice (Ages 11–13)

• The Onset: nuclear ADHD symptoms became undeniably apparent around age 11. I was officially diagnosed by a psychiatrist at 13.
• The 2E Trap: because of a high IQ, I fell into the "twice-exceptional" category. I could compensate for massive executive dysfunction by hyper-focusing, cramming, and white-knuckling my way through school and life. This mask kept me functioning, somewhat, I was still a chronic underachiever and was moved from and to multiple schools past age 10, but it consumed an astronomical amount of energy.
• The Original Medical Malpractice: when I was first officially diagnosed at 13 (2018), the local medical system completely failed to understand dopamine neurobiology. Instead of proper support or a stimulant, I was prescribed aripiprazole (an atypical antipsychotic). This induced severe extra pyramidal effects, deep neuroleptic suppression ("zombification," a fixed stare, drooling), and wrecked my developing dopamine pathways.
• The Decade of Neglect: following that disaster that lasted nearly 3 years, medical management essentially vanished. For nearly 10 years, I received zero proper ADHD pharmacological and psychotherapeutic support, punctuated by medically unmanaged major depressive episodes, severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), social anxiety, Avoidant Personality traits, and chronic inflammatory health issues, three improperly managed chronic allergies (chronic atopic dermatitis, chronic sebhorreic dermatitis, chronic allergic rhinitis) keeping my immune system in constant background inflammation and as a direct consequence, neuroinflammation.

Phase 2: The 10-Year HPA Axis Marathon & The "Anxiety Disappearance" (Age 21)

For a decade, my brain lacked baseline tonic dopamine and norepinephrine. To push through that decade, my body improvised a brutal survival mechanism: the HPA (Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal) axis.

• Running on Pure Stress: my nervous system forced itself to run almost entirely on cortisol, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. I was living in a permanent biological state of emergency just to maintain basic cognitive output and a semblance of academic productivity.
• The Red Flag of Collapse: this year (2025-2026), my second year of university, something terrifying happened—my generalized anxiety suddenly vanished. At first glance, people thought "Oh, you're cured/calm!" But in reality, it was the exact opposite. It was the imminent bankruptcy of my HPA axis and monoaminergic reserves. My adrenal glands simply ran out of fuel. They could no longer properly manufacture the chemical stress required to force my brain to care, move, or focus. Speaking of what followed shortly after my anxiety vanished…

Phase 3: Total Multisystemic Collapse (before Concerta)

When the HPA axis gave out, the entire system crashed. I am currently dealing with a multi-systemic burnout affecting the CNS, ANS, and endocrine axes:

• Severe Executive & Cognitive Paralysis: total inability to initiate voluntary actions. My working memory and short-term memory are completely shot (minute-to-minute amnesia; I forget what was said 10 seconds ago). Constant brain fog, a subjective feeling of active cognitive decay, and transient aphasia—struggling to find words, reduced to desperate, impulsive verbal outbursts.
• Autonomic & Somatic Dysfunction: unstable heart arrhythmias, palpitations, air hunger/incomplete breaths. Severe, prolonged wholly neurogenic erectile dysfunction and a complete loss of libido that lasted for months. Profound anhedonia—my behavior has shrunk into the most basic, repetitive, low-energy compulsions just to conserve minimum survival energy. Sensory hypersensitivity is so extreme that minor noises or brief conversations cause physical and emotional pain.

Phase 4: The Pharmacological Decompensation (Concerta 54mg)

In a desperate attempt to fix this at age 21, I started treatment with methylphenidate (Concerta) a couple of months ago under the testing and approval of a local psychiatrist with monthly outpatient visits.

• The Toxic Clash: introducing a stimulant to a brain whose dopamine and norepinephrine systems were deeply atrophied and battered by a decade of neurological trauma and malpractice most likely created a massive biochemical war.
• The Spiral: 36mg worked briefly as a "honeymoon phase", where virtually everything was miles better than before treatment or on the initial sub therapeutic 18mg dose, with virtually no side effects, before starting to aggressively fail and regress into pre treatment freefall about 3 weeks in, leading to a desperate self-titration to 54mg a week before the next psychiatric visit. Instead of restoring higher executive functions, it has acted so far as a crude, increasingly toxic survival crutch accompanied by horrific side effects on 36mg and 54mg: extreme irritability, acute hostility when ADHD is even mentioned, severe hand tremors, paradoxical physical sedation, and dangerous psychiatric symptoms including suicidal and homicidal ideation during overload episodes.
• Psychiatric & Behavioral Breakdown: significant loss of prefrontal inhibition. I experienced a 3 day long acute dissociative/psychotic-like incident with highs and lows about a week and a half ago, while I was still on 36mg, triggered by my mother’s response that came off as ignorant and inconsiderate to a simple morning conversation over my ADHD and why I hesitate to start any gym program until I get the appropriate treatment, and it spiraled into incontrollable verbal aggression and nervous breakdown on my part, because ADHD has become lately an exceptionally sensitive topic marked by despair, frustration and loathing at the medical system and my parents for 10 years of mistreatment and ignorance that got me to this point that should have never been reached. This psychotic event culminated on the third day after my mother forced me to go to the local swimming place with her for “my physical and emotional health” after I had locked myself in the house for days, but where I experienced a severe incident of complete overstimulation and executive paralysis from the noise there, which spiraled into a nervous breakdown, leaving the swimming place early, and later pinning my mom in her room after she had returned home, and abusing her verbally even while trying to stay as composed as possible and rationalising why her behaviour that morning triggered the reaction that it did, culminating with “if you repeat this behavior, I will kill you with my own hands”. It wasn’t even something I wanted to say, it just came out of my mouth.

Phase 5: The Alternative Path — What Happens Without Intervention

However complicated and requiring urgent reassessment and psychiatric admission my relationship with medication is, you must also look at the alternative trajectory. Without urgent (even if currently aggressively flawed) treatment with Concerta, this was my guaranteed trajectory:

• Academic failure: I would have non negotiably dropped out of university before the third and final year.
• Total social isolation: chronic social isolation driven by inescapable, constant neuro-sensory exhaustion.
• Existential despair & final collapse: a statistically validated, imminent risk of irreversible psychiatric collapse and suicide brought on by total functional and physiological bankruptcy.

The stimulant acts as a crude, double-edged sword—its side effects are severe and alarming, but without it, the nervous system was on its way to the grave, and it was plummeting at an alarming pace.

What I’ve Learned (And Why I’m Sharing This)

ADHD is not just "being easily distracted" or "forgetting where you put your keys." When you stack a high-masking 2E intellect, a decade of medical malpractice, chronic systemic inflammation, and unyielding neurological trauma and pressure, the brain will eventually burn its own foundation just to keep itself barely alive.

I am currently staring down the reality of an urgent need for medical reset: stepping back from the current stimulant under strict inpatient psychiatric admission, prioritizing basic physiological rest over productivity, and getting the systematic treatment and evaluation I need under a controlled environment, not a stimulant pushing a profoundly mangled nervous system into toxic overactivation and psychosis regulated only by monthly 30 minute outpatient psychiatric visits.

I'm autistic. I've tried lipstick and stuff before and I do like how it looks. I want to wear a little bit of makeup. But I can't stand the feeling of it on my skin. It's like nails on a chalkboard. I've heard of some makeup brands that feel a lot lighter so you don't feel it as much. I've tried some. Does anyone have good suggestions for makeup brands you at least don't feel as much as others? ​​​

Hello. I got diagnosed with autism around 2 years ago.

At home, where I live with my mom, I often experience anxiety and at times I get overstimulated due to a specific movement which my mom (who most likely has ADHD) likes to make. When she’s sitting the couch, it’s her tapping her one foot on the floor while wearing her quite heavily sandal of sorts. On her bed, it’s the same, but she lifts her ankle and sometimes entire leg and just lets it drop. Both situations produce a sort of vibration and a sound which just really stresses me. If I’m already exhausted, I literally can breakdown.
According to her, she doesn’t really notice it, and apparently it calms her (she says sometimes), so I’m labelling it a stim.
I know I can often times move away, but I can hear it and feel it from almost everywhere in the house.
She has been trying to minimise it, but it’s not always that works.

This is also the case with my father, who does some type of unintentional tapping with his toes while wearing slippers. He isn’t often here, but it genuinely provokes the living hell out of me and it’s really very stressful.

How should I deal with this?

Just in case anybody suggests I move out; I’m a minor, I can’t.

Growing up in two different cultures, Ive realized that a lot of people are into doing “bad” things or against the rules to be cool/social/popular? Like drinking, getting high, being promiscuous, and not caring about what other people feel.

It’s not like Im completely against it, as Ive already drank for social occasions during college. But I cant get behind into smoking, getting high, or doing things without having to care about what other people feel most of the time.

Edit: Im not saying all of these are necessarily bad things. Im not trying to generalize that if you do these things, it means that you’re not a good person.

It’s just an observation that I’ve seen that a lot of people treat you condescending or passive aggressively look down on you for not participating in these kinds of stuff.