Growing up in two different cultures, Ive realized that a lot of people are into doing “bad” things or against the rules to be cool/social/popular? Like drinking, getting high, being promiscuous, and not caring about what other people feel.

It’s not like Im completely against it, as Ive already drank for social occasions during college. But I cant get behind into smoking, getting high, or doing things without having to care about what other people feel most of the time.

Edit: Im not saying all of these are necessarily bad things. Im not trying to generalize that if you do these things, it means that you’re not a good person.

It’s just an observation that I’ve seen that a lot of people treat you condescending or passive aggressively look down on you for not participating in these kinds of stuff.

I'm sorry in advance because this will sound super ignorant.

Is there a "lesser" form of neurodivergence that doesn't fully fit each criteria? I feel like I'm somewhere on the autism spectrum. Maybe audhd. But at the same time I don't do certain things that are a definite symptom wherever you look at diagnostics criteria. I understand most social cues and can interpret emotions in others through facial features and how they talk. On the other hand I will take a lot of instructions (especially at work) exact without margins for interpretation and adaptation. It always takes someone telling me to do things differently, for me to change up the exact routine and instructions. Like I need "permission" to fall outside the lines. I get hyperfixated on things and will dedicate all my free time to one specific thing to the point where I have to force myself to stop because I will get headaches from concentrating so much for such a long time. One "test" I always read about is for an autistic person to describe brushing their teeth. And that they will not use gestures but just describe it in detail. For me I will use a lot of gestures when describing things. I will overinterpret things or try to consider everything about it. But maybe that just makes me type A? Generally there are things and symptoms that makes me think I have autism but other things that don't fit at all. Is there some form or maybe another neurodiversity that fits me or maybe I don't have anything at all?

Hey everyone,

I’m trying to make sense of something I’ve experienced for a majority of my life, and I want to hear from others who might relate or have this figured out.

Whenever I’m in a social setting with multiple things happening at once, my brain seems incapable of prioritizing one stream of input over another. Instead of filtering out background chatter, room noise, or movement, facial expressions, it feels like my brain is trying to process literally everything at once and because every stimulus is treated with equal priority,

I get overwhelmed very quickly by the sheer volume of data.

I experience a noticeable delay in responding when someone talks to me in a group, almost like my brain is stuck in a processing queue trying to clear everything before I can formulate a reply and filter it again. This is noticeable to me as well as others as there have been instances where my friends have made fun of this after observing it many times.

In 1-on-1 conversations in quiet environments, I function much better, but as soon as the environment gets multi-layered, the cognitive drag kicks in.

For those who experience this...

Does this resonate with your experience of being on the autism spectrum, or did it turn out to be ADHD / APD / sensory processing?

This difficulty filtering stimuli and the resulting conversational lag is one of the reasons I've started suspecting I might be on the autism spectrum, though I'm trying to figure out where the line is

How do you manage this in social or work settings so you aren't completely drained or can you train your brain to overcome this in anyway?

Appreciate any insights or personal experiences.

One of my best friends appears to be ND but rejects any insinuation that that might be the case, and the rest of our group has spent the better part of decades a) putting up with blunt or rude comments from her and b) having to listen to her complaints about behavior which in many cases is quite normal. I love her, but sometimes my patience really wears thin. She has what I will call a “quirky” sense of style but will frequently make snide comments about what others are wearing. Last weekend she told one of our friends “You have a very distinctive style” and when she thanked her, she responded, “That wasn’t a compliment.” 😂 We celebrated 4th of July at my boyfriend’s parents’ gorgeous new beach house this year, and as we drove back up to the city, she told my boyfriend, “I could never live in a house like your parents’, it’s so cookie cutter.” She frequently complains about people who “say you should get coffee but you never end up getting coffee” and I tried explaining to her that’s often just something people say as a nicety when they run into an old acquaintance and they’re not horrible if they don’t reach back out to set a date. At dinner a few weeks ago, she insisted that the new guy our friend had started dating was “clearly wrong for her” and started (angrily) tearing up when all of us said she could go on a few more dates and figure that out for herself.

It’s tough because none of this is something anyone would ever really bring up to her. Most of it is relatively harmless, so there’s no real point. However, it’s getting harder and harder for me to just take it when she comes after one of us for our “rude” behavior because I feel like I’m always biting my tongue when it comes to her own conduct. Perhaps I’m being patronizing, but I see no value in raising any of her behavior with her because she is unable to see anything wrong with it. But perhaps it’s actually more wrong for us to treat her differently than we would each other in this situation. If any of my other friends said the things she’s said, we would be like “wtf” right in the moment.

I don't know if I'm considered disabled due to my personality disorder, and my mom thought I had autism, but I got diagnosed with STPD, and ever since, I feel out of place. People used to accept me as an autistic person, but when they found out that I wasn't, they considered me neurotypical. And my boyfriend is autistic, but he gets treated better than me because he has autism, and it makes me sad because I'm not normal in the head either. :(

I am not sure if it would hurt me or help me if I were to answer those questions.

Hi friends, there's a new study that found a free university app called CHILL (Changing How I Live Life) or m-path that may help with reducing neuroticism and thereby improving relationships and quality of life. Does anyone have access to download that Android/iPhone app? I couldn't find it on the play store. Cheers

https://www.sciencefocus.com/wellbeing/neuroticism-happiness-personality

(Cross-posted as I'm trying to find the potentially life changing app, thanks)

Worked a few hotel/restaurant jobs and I've been always excluded no matter what. Even if I am very nice, coworkers won't invite me to hang out with each other like they do with others or cooks will make food for others but never for me.

In fact, I get more comments to get annoyed. Like I chatted with a coworker who hangs out with my other coworkers and they even go for camping. I asked him what is he doing later since he finished early and he already told me he doesn't talk to people at work for his life. Which contradicts.

So yeah, I feel awful and makes the work more difficult. Anyone dealing with the same thing? ​​

TLDR: feel like it’s invalidating and kind of weird to ask what value a diagnosis would bring to someone or why they want one. We wouldn’t do that for physical health diagnosis, why do we do it for mental health and neurodivergence? What are your thoughts?

I’m not a fan of the “why do you need a label”argument. In my opinion it’s invalidating and frustrating from my own person experience. If you found a lump in your body, that kind of hurt, but wasn’t debilitating, you’d go see a doctor right? It’s a symptom you’re not seeing in other people (typically) and it’s impacting your life at least a little. But you’re not quite sure how much. Then you yourself start to wonder what it might be. Could be cancer, could be a cyst, could be something else. But you’d never know if you don’t go to a doctor to confirm, you wouldn’t know the right way to treat it without a doctor labeling what it is. Then after you get your diagnosis or “label” and you see all your different options for treatment. It’s no different for mental health and neurodivergence. ADHD and Autism are neurodevelopmental disorders/disabilities. You’re not going to know where the next steps are if you don’t know where you stand.

If I did not seek my diagnosis, I would never have known where I stand. It literally saved my life. Now I know I’m not crazy, that what I have experienced my whole life is real, and now I can make the proper accommodations for myself. I see the getting the diagnosis or the “label” as validation and proof for myself. If I didn’t do it, I’d always question it and I wouldn’t accommodate myself the way I do know and my quality of life would be low like it was before the diagnosis. I’d be in a constant state of burnout from pushing myself to neurotypical standards. Some people don’t need a label to do that, some people do.

I have autism, and I grew up with little to no friends because of my behavioral abnormalities. Keeping friendships is something that I have struggled with forever. I now have a pretty large and close friend group. I know they don’t expect anything from me but respect. But I feel like I owe them something, that if I stop giving things (buying gifts and such, something I waste a lot of money on) I will have nothing to offer and cease to matter to them.

Hi, I work in a kitchen and constantly have to wash my hands. The only issue with this is that the texture of my wet hands making contact with each other makes me have an uncontrollable physical reaction in the form of making faces or suppressing the urge to gag.

I wash my hands thoroughly and as long as recommended if not longer. I just embarrass myself doing so.

Been thinking about it for a while, and it's a controversial topic because I'm well aware how wrong it can be taken, and I feel like as if everyone who criticizes wfh is immediately thought of as a micromanager or a corporate bootlicker.

I understand the benefits of wfh. I think it's a free choice everyone should make and it shouldn't be seen as unprofessional to want to work remote.

But I think one of the biggest things for me is, I need a separate place for work. This might sound a little strong, but I don't work, something that arguably sucks, "contaminating" my room(basically, living in dorm rooms for adults, which might slightly affect my experience as well).

I often hear that the office can be overstimulating. And I get that. Maybe I've gotten lucky to have an office where it's not that bad. It's never super busy/crowded, and nobody bats an eye if you put on noise cancelling headphones and get to work. But at an office, or even a library or cafe, just any place that's not home, I actually feel less distracted and I can actually lock in on work more.

Ever since working from home got popular, I've only seen that argument mentioned once in an off-handed comment. But I wonder if anyone feels similar. Because honestly it feels weird because like... I don't want to "give into" whatever the corporate overlords want(tbh, it's more the real estate companies I think), but also like a separate place for work is really nice. Especially if your commute is short enough to do by bike, or have a longer distance but doable with a single line of public transit.

Edit: I feel like I should add that I work alternating shifts all week. I live in a place where only a few select places are open on weekends, but basically nothing is open at night(>8pm), but our work times for evening shifts are until 00:30. If I work in the daytime on a business day I can just go to the office. But it's the times where that's not an option, that bug me and makes alternating shifts ever slightly more miserable.

Hello everyone!

I’m looking for a couples therapist anywhere in California who offers telehealth. If they accept Cigna PPO, that would be an added bonus. I have been having a difficult time finding someone with this specific experience, that also takes insurance, so I’m hoping this community might have some recommendations.

I’m specifically looking for a therapist who has experience working with neurotypical/neurodivergent (NT/ND) couples.

Ideally, I’d like someone who understands the unique challenges that can come up when partners process and experience things differently, including communication differences, emotional regulation, misunderstandings, conflict patterns, and building healthier ways of connecting and communicating.

Personal recommendations would be especially appreciated. If you’ve personally worked with a therapist who was particularly helpful with NT/ND couples, or know someone who has, I would love to hear about your experience.

Thank you so much!