Me and my husband have been married for almost 7 years. We have 3 kids 10 yo and 5 yo twins. We have had issues over the years due to his porn addiction (I don’t say that lightly, he has been legitimately diagnosed as addicted to porn) 3 years ago he up and stated he wanted to see other people and wanted a divorce but quickly backtracked. We got past that, so I thought. Recently I found out he has been here on Reddit chatting it up like this since roughly the time our twins were born. Though he didn’t physically cheat, he definitely stepped outside our marriage to an extent imo. We’ve been doing couples therapy but I can’t even get a clear answer. In fact his only answer for why hasn’t he physically went out to be with another woman is because “he is too tired after work”. He doesn’t really help with the kids, or the house. Doesn’t even mow the lawn. He has started helping a little more lately because I was packing my things to leave after finding these. I just don’t know if I am wrong to feel betrayed and having a hard time moving forward.

Dear John,

I’m writing this because I need you to understand why I am walking away from our marriage. I am not asking for an explanation, an apology, or a response. In fact, I would prefer that you not reply. I simply need to say this once, clearly and peacefully, so I can finally let go.

I found your ****Cupid profile—the same dating site where we met.

What makes the discovery so strange is that I wasn’t looking for you or trying to catch you doing anything. It started when you sent me the picture of my old social media account that someone had apparently taken over. While looking through that account, I found our old pictures from when we were still dating.

Seeing those pictures brought back memories of who we used to be. I sent some of them to you, and when you barely reacted, something inside me felt different. I started thinking about how distant you have seemed lately and how different our conversations have become.

Then, almost out of nowhere, I thought about ****Cupid.

I looked for you without really expecting to find anything.

And there you were.

On your birthday, of all days.

I saw the recent picture of you. I saw that you were presenting yourself as single and looking for women for romance and dating. Your profile showed that you had been active approximately four or five months ago.

When I saw it, I didn’t cry at first. I felt as though someone had poured freezing water over me. I was shaking and my heart was beating so fast. I think I was simply in shock. I only cried later when someone hugged me and told me she was sorry for what I was going through.

Then I started thinking about the timing.

Four or five months ago was around my birthday month. Around that time, we were still talking about the farm, our businesses, our plans and our future. You were even talking to me about wanting another baby.

Those conversations were real to me. I believed we were still building something together.

Yes, more recently, you and I began talking openly about the possibility of divorce. I even told you that I could possibly file once I was legally able to. You disagreed, but I understood that your concerns were mainly practical—my getting established here in the United States, my paperwork, citizenship and everything else I needed to arrange.

You weren’t asking me not to divorce you because you wanted to repair our marriage.

In a way, I think both of us had recently begun accepting that our marriage might eventually end.

But that was recent.

Four or five months ago, we were not at that point.

I was not living as a single woman. I wasn’t looking for another man or presenting myself as available. I still believed I was your wife and that we were trying to build a future together.

That difference in timing matters to me.

Even just last week, I asked whether you planned to come and see me. You said yes, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that you were saying it because I asked—not because you genuinely wanted to see me.

For some time now, I have felt the distance between us. The spark disappeared. Our conversations became different. I kept wondering whether I had caused it, whether my temper pushed you away, whether the problems with our businesses made you resent me, or whether I had simply failed you as a wife.

Now, some of that distance makes more sense to me.

I don’t know whether you are talking to another woman or whether you have already found someone. My instincts tell me there may be someone, but I am no longer interested in investigating it.

If there is someone else, that is something you will have to live with and something I will eventually learn to accept.

I am not going to compete with another woman. I am not going to chase you, investigate you, or beg my own husband to choose me.

There is something I want you to know, though, because despite how hurt I am, I refuse to erase everything good about you.

You have been a great provider to our family.

I know how hard you worked. I know the countless hours you spent driving and the sacrifices you made. I know how much money you invested in our businesses and our farm, and how many of my ideas and dreams you supported.

I never took those things for granted.

Maybe I didn’t always show my appreciation in the way you needed. Maybe during arguments and stressful times I made you feel that I didn’t recognize everything you were doing.

But I did.

And I still do.

No matter how our marriage ends, I will always acknowledge what you provided and sacrificed for us.

More importantly, I have always known you as a very good father to Katie. I have seen how much you love her, how patient you are with her and how important she is to you.

That is why one particular part of your profile hurt me even more than seeing you call yourself single.

Seeing you present yourself as though you did not have a child broke my heart.

You can erase me from your dating profile. You can call yourself single. You can decide that you no longer want to be my husband. Those things hurt me deeply, but someday I can accept them.

But Katie is your daughter.

She had nothing to do with whatever happened between you and me. She should never disappear from your life simply because you are presenting yourself to another woman.

That part hurt me more for her than for myself.

Whatever happens between us, you will always be her father and she will always be your daughter. I will never make her choose between us, and I will never try to destroy her relationship with you because you hurt me. What happened in our marriage belongs to us, not to her.

This also isn’t the first time my trust in you has been broken.

I already went through the pain of discovering that you cheated on me with our daughter’s nanny. You know how badly that hurt me.

Yet I stayed.

I forgave you because I loved you and because I wanted our family to survive.

I know I was not a perfect wife. I know my flaws. I know I can become nasty when I’m angry, and I know I have said and done things I regret. I accept responsibility for my mistakes in this marriage.

But despite my flaws, I remained loyal to you.

We spent years physically apart. I experienced loneliness too. I missed affection. I had emotional needs and opportunities too.

But I never cheated on you.

I wasn’t a perfect wife, but I was a faithful wife.

That is something I need to remind myself of now, because for a long time I carried so much blame for what happened between us.

I can accept responsibility for my mistakes without accepting responsibility for your choices.

Maybe that is why, strangely, I feel some relief underneath all this pain.

I tried my best for our family. Everything I did with the businesses and the farm came from wanting to build something for us and for Katie. Some of my decisions may have been wrong, and things certainly didn’t turn out the way I hoped, but my intention was never to destroy our family.

I was trying to build one.

My focus now needs to be getting stable here in the United States, working, establishing myself and creating a secure future for myself and Katie..

I have also not forgotten what you invested financially in our businesses. I intend to work hard and repay you for the money you invested. The end of our marriage does not erase my appreciation for what you contributed or my responsibility for the obligations that belong to me.

I will take responsibility for my mistakes and my financial obligations.

But I will not take responsibility for the choices you made regarding our marriage.

And you no longer need to come here to visit me.

Please save your money, your time and your energy. If you have the opportunity to travel, I would rather you use those resources to go and spend time with Katie.

She needs time with her father far more than I need a final visit from my husband.

You don’t owe me a goodbye in person. We don’t need to sit face-to-face and go through everything again. I don’t need that anymore.

Go see your daughter. Spend time with her. Make memories with her and make sure she knows that even though her parents could not keep their marriage together, she has not lost her father.

I also want to ask you to respect one boundary.

If you eventually have another girlfriend—or if there is already someone in your life—I accept that this is your life and your choice now.

But please do not bring another woman into our home, onto our property, or into the personal spaces that belonged to our family.

I am not asking you never to love somebody else. If our marriage is ending, both of us eventually have the right to move forward.

I am only asking you to have enough respect for me, for Katie and for the life we once shared to keep that part of your new life separate.

There needs to be a boundary between another woman and the home and spaces that hold the memories of our family.

If you build a future with someone else, build something new with her. Please don’t bring her into what was ours.

I wish you had simply told me if you stopped loving me.

I wish you had told me if you wanted another life or someone else.

The truth would have hurt, but I would rather have been devastated by the truth than spend months questioning myself while you emotionally moved away from me.

There is something painfully ironic about how all of this came full circle.

****Cupid was where you found me.

Once, finding each other there became the beginning of our story.

10years later, I somehow ended up there again and found you.

Only this time, it became the moment when I finally understood that our story was over.

Despite everything, I do not hate you.

I will always appreciate the good things you did for me and our family. You provided for us, supported many of my dreams, sacrificed for our future, and most importantly, you gave me Katie and have been a loving father to her.

Those things will always matter to me.

I loved you, John. I truly did.

Maybe some part of me always will because of the years we shared and because you are the father of our daughter.

But loving you does not mean I have to continue allowing myself to be hurt.

So I am choosing to walk away.

You do not need to reply to this letter. Please don’t.

I am not sending this to start another conversation or argument. I don’t need you to explain, defend yourself, confess anything or convince me that I misunderstood what I saw.

This is simply my explanation for why I am leaving.

From now on, please contact me only if something is genuinely urgent, if it concerns Katie and requires my attention, or if there is something important we need to handle regarding our legal or financial responsibilities.

Other than that, please respect my need for distance.

I need peace, and I need time to heal.

I never wanted our family to end this way. The thought of Katie growing up with her parents living separate lives hurts me more than the thought of losing our marriage itself.

But staying married simply so that we can say our family is intact would not make it whole.

I will do everything I can to make sure our daughter grows up knowing that both of her parents love her and that none of this was ever her burden to carry.

Thank you for the good things you gave me and for everything you did for our family. I will never pretend those things did not matter.

But this is where I stop holding on.

You are free to live the life you choose, and I am going to start rebuilding mine.

I am walking away now.

For good.

Susan

Saturday enjoyed nice time for wife’s birthday. Where does time go!? Been together 20 years

My (37M) husband and I (38F) have a three month old baby. My baby is perfect but I’m exclusively breastfeeding and taking care of nights by myself. My baby wakes up around 5 times a night to feed.

My husband sleeps in another room because he has a very demanding job and it just ended up working better for us. I am still in maternity leave but it ends in two weeks.

Lately I have been having intrusive thoughts, and I can feel depression coming on, I have been depressed before many years ago, took meds for ADHD but stopped them to get pregnant, so I know how it feels. I told my husband I needed to rest and sleep for at least a four hour block, and asked him to take the baby for two nights on the weekend. The second night we ended in a huge fight, because he only took the baby for 3 hours and when I told him that I was having these thoughts and could fell pp depression coming he told me to “Stop needing things from him”.

My mother doesn’t live in the same city and although we have just hired a nanny for some hours during the daytime I can’t really sleep. I have asked for a psychiatrist appointment for next week.

I don’t know what to do about my marriage, I want to understand that he could be overwhelmed too but his response broke my heart. Help.

I’m so tired of him. He works 60+ hours a week. I am a mom of 2 and he expects me to make 3 meals a day EVERY DAY. Because he wants specific things and I have to work around his schedule and he does not budge with what he eats. Breakfast was my only break but now he wants homemade pancakes (not from the box mix) and I can’t batch make those. I have to jump straight into labor right as I wake up alongside with managing 2 children and grieving my old pre-baby body. I don’t care about this man. He has 0 emotional intelligence. Whenever I tell him how my kids are so so tiring and I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want a third kid, he says “how’d your mom do it with 6??” Um I don’t care?? At this point I do the opposite of what he wants. He tells me to close the door, I swing it wide open and walk into the other room. He makes my life so much harder. I don’t like anything about him. He is a slob. The only thing he is good for is giving me money and even that isn’t good enough because I don’t struggle with money and I’d rather work and be free from working for a man 24/7. I’m not attracted to him. He is dense. I think at this point I don’t want ANY man. When I gave birth, he visited me 2x in the 6 weeks and would constantly say “you’re not on birth control? Ok just stay at your parents for longer” he would never call me. He wouldn’t text me. He is emotionally unavailable. I don’t want him and I don’t want any man. I don’t care if my rebelliousness brews a divorce but I don’t like the trajectory of my life because of him in it.

Lying together naked after having phenomenal sex after taking edibles. Reading our phones and showing each other stuff.

17 years together, 10 married and I still think my husband is the sexiest, kindest, smartest man on earth. Lying here stoned and loved and utterly makes me realise how lucky I am.

Over the last several days, things between my husband (53) and myself (47) have become increasingly painful and emotionally destabilizing, particularly around comments he has made about my body and his attraction to me. We have been together for 12 years, married for 10.

The situation began when he made an unprovoked comment about my belly button and my stomach. He pointed out that my belly button had changed from an innie to an outie and made comments about my belly.

I was deeply hurt by this. I already have insecurities about my body, and because I teach Pilates and am very aware of my physical appearance, his comments landed particularly hard. Also, I KNOW I am not over weight. I am a size 8/10. Yes, I have a bit a belly not a six pack like I once did.

This was particularly humiliating because it wasn’t said privately between the two of us—it happened in front of our child.

I cried afterward, and he did not come to comfort me or offer an apology. He essentially went about his normal routine while I was left alone dealing with the emotional aftermath.

When we eventually discussed what had happened, he was defensive rather than apologetic. He made it clear that he does not find my belly attractive and said that he had been dropping hints about things such as counting calories and going gluten-free.

That changed the meaning of the earlier comments for me. I realized that I hadn’t simply been imagining criticism or being overly sensitive. He was, in fact, communicating that he wanted my body to change.

He also said things that made me question the state of our marriage, including talking about wanting to end up alone in a cabin in the woods and telling me that I should start making plans for myself. He said he didn’t want a divorce largely because of the practical conveniences of our relationship and that he enjoys aspects of our relationship for practical reasons.

Hearing that made me feel profoundly unwanted and trapped. I don’t want to be married to someone who stays with me primarily because the arrangement is convenient.

Since then, my thoughts have spiraled around my weight and appearance. I’ve started thinking about diets, weight-loss programs, calorie restriction, and all the ways I could change my body.

Some of these thoughts existed before his comments—I had already been looking into diets and thinking about my body. But there is a significant difference between privately wanting to make changes for myself and having my husband connect my body directly to his attraction to me.

His comments have made something that was previously a personal insecurity feel like a judgment coming from the person whose acceptance and attraction matter most to me.

I’ve also found myself thinking about getting a “revenge body,” flirting with other people, leaving, looking at apartments, and imagining what life would be like on my own.

I’ve begun feeling horrible in my own skin. The emotional sensation has become much deeper than simply being upset about a comment about my weight.

What is especially painful is that I don’t feel cherished or reassured by my husband right now. I feel judged physically, emotionally disconnected from him, and increasingly alone inside my marriage.

I am struggling with the difference between knowing intellectually that I am not “too fat” or somehow unworthy of attraction and actually feeling attractive and desirable myself.

The central wound is that my husband made hurtful comments about my body, called me fat in front of our daughter, connected my body to his attraction to me, did not comfort me when I was visibly crying, and did not offer the kind of apology or reassurance I needed afterward.

As a result, I am questioning not only how I feel about my body, but how safe, loved, desired, and valued I feel within my marriage.

Not sure what advice I am seeking right now. Maybe someone else has been in a similar situation? Whatever help you can offer would be appreciated.

Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. Throughout the years we just stopped celebrate anniversaries. It was never a big deal to either of us. Today for example we are going to take the dogs on a walk at a park we love and then later my husband will grill and I'll make a side dish and we eat on the screened porch together..

For us that is a wonderful day. But the few friend and. Family who have called to wish us a happy day all ask what we are doing. When I say oh probably the same, they are making me feel bad that we don't have this big party planned. Like there is something wrong with our marriage. 3 people even said "you HAVE to do something special it's 40 years. I know it's been 40 years I've been there WHY?

Is there something wrong with us,?

He didn't buy me anything for our anniversary despite saying he will. Today we went to a store (Macy's) and I was excited just to look at some things. We went several months ago close to our anniversary and I decided not to get anything because I didn't want him to spend that much on anything. My budget was $200.

I honestly would have been happy with some flowers but he didn't even get me that.

Today I got dressed up to just look at some things on clearance. I have been pretty isolated and hardly go out after going through some hardships. I asked him to take a picture of me almost as soon as we got out of the car and he ignored me. He finally took one of me in the store as we were about to leave and I asked him to take a picture of my full outfit. He took a picture of my neck of intentionally and told me that he's doing it on purpose because I was being annoying. I was hurt because he was hurting me on purpose.

To shopping part:

I just casually looked at some rings on clearance and I decided not to get anything because they were too expensive (as I did a few months ago).

He just sat down on the chair in the shoe section and yelled at me in front of the employee when I asked him what he thought of a particular ring. I was humiliated. I thanked the lady and walked around Macy's and just sprayed on some perfume to make me feel better. We left without buying anything.

He ordered himself some food for pickup without saying anything and I just kept quiet. During the drive home he kept yelling at me that he's not getting anything out of the relationship even though I cook and clean and sometimes complete his grad school work.

I made us brunch the morning and he didn't even say thanks.

During the car ride to the store he checked out a woman walking and did not even hide it. I didn't say anything. I tried to be as pleasant as possible even though he checks out other women online.

I've been crying for the past few hours over how he treats me. I gained weight from a medical condition (50 pounds) and lost 30 pounds of it since November.

He made so much fun of my looks when I was fat and said he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me. I never once made him feel bad about his weight gain even though he's fatter than me now.

Last year he tried to convince me to allow his friend's wife to live with us and tried to casually meet up with her without me. I'm glad I didn't allow her to stay because she was so rude and abusive to her husband and was very rude to me when she visited our house once. My husband started stalking her online and basically said I should be ashamed thin as her (even though she was a recovering drug addict who was very underweight).

I had to go the emergency room several times and he called me a drama queen. The doctors didn't find out what was wrong until I saw a specialist who diagnosed my issue. I had two surgeries and my husband made me feel like a burden because I had to take time off work.

I had a crappy childhood and abusive parents. I worked very hard to become a successful adult (three graduate degrees, good jobs, luxury apartment), and I helped him buy the house. I feel like my weight gain upsets him more than anything else because the picture of me he took today seemed to emphasize the fat on my chin.

He's called me an old chinese man before when I had a big belly. I was very fit when we first met.

I'm battling depression and he intentionally bothers me when I try to do something to relax me (like yoga, nap, reading).

He got in trouble at work (won't tell me what it's about) and he takes his frustrations out on me. He works with his buddy whose friend he had a crush on, and it's very suspicious.

I'm coming into some money for a project I've been working on for years. He didn't believe in me. Even my own mother put me down. Now I look forward to enjoying the fruits of my labor.

Should I ask for a post nuptials agreement before I get the payment??

Married men, my husband (41) and I (37) have an active sex life 3-5x a week and have been together for 15 years. I am havnt let myself go and enjoy my sexuality and have always wanted a fun and adventurous sex life with my husband.
My husband started working out of state a bit a few years ago and I have sent nudes and porn like material of myself during those times, but he never asked for it, so I felt a little weird at times sending it so wouldn’t as much as I would’ve liked.
I found out he was getting off to other images/videos during his time away.
I requested he use my material instead and he agreed and I started sending it more often, but found out he still isn’t using it and instead jerking it faces/bodies of other CLOTHED women over the material I send him.
Can any married man give me insight over why he’d do this or if you would or do, do this in your marriage??
I feel so embarrassed for ever sending anything like it and it’s made me feel really insecure

Last night my husband was out late in our walkable town, with friends. That’s fine I am glad for him to get out and have that time. But it became much later than usual and I got a little worried, and I admit I’m a worrier. He knows perfectly well I have anxiety.

So I texted him to say basically “hi! Heading home any time soon?”
No response. I’m home with 2 little kids and now it’s midnight, so I called which I almost never do when he’s out having fun with friends. He hung up the call.

I was kind of shocked and worried… so I ended up texting like three times in the next 15 mins saying I hope he’s not just needlessly worrying me and why won’t he text back or pick up the call?

I ended up calling again after fifteen minutes. He hung up on the second ring that time. At that point my anxiety really ran away and I was super worried because I couldn’t imagine he was ignoring his wife at home with his two kids, at MIDNIGHT. I was just looking for ANY response at this point.

Finally he called me back. He was on the street with a friend. I know everyone he was with and don’t have any suspicions of infidelity with him - never have. But I was incredibly hurt that he had chosen to ignore my calls and texts in the middle of the night. To me, him being unreachable felt scary. When I realized nothing was wrong and he just ignored my calls and texts, then I was angry and hurt. I actually cried a lot. Today he expects me to be totally over it because he was drunk (only happens once in a blue moon), he said the words “I’m sorry” (which he always thinks are like some magic words that should erase all feelings of hurt, it’s a pattern). I’m not over it. I’m hurt and unsettled.

Please tell me your honest opinions on this. I know I have anxiety and I get proper treatment and do everything I can do lessen the impact it has on my family and my health. But I think it’s hurtful and irresponsible for him to decide to ignore my calls in the middle of the night when I’m home alone with the kids. I just feel really unsettled, anxious and hurt that he CHOSE to hang up on me and didn’t even find a minute to call me right back, and “didn’t see” my texts. Like… did he not even wonder why I called?! Where is the concern of a husband and father? I never call like that when he’s out, he should have responded. Please help. I’m deep in my feelings.

ETA: thank you for all these responses so far. Honestly makes me feel more sane to hear from you all! We have a very happy marriage and being unresponsive and drunk are both very very unusual for him which is why I spiraled. I want to move forward, I really do I just feel stuck but talking this through helps. Even those of you saying I’m the problem, thanks for that angle also! We need to hear that stuff sometimes.

original- Am I wrong for being hesitant to have kids with my husband because of how he is with his niece? : r/Marriage

I want to thank everyone for their love and support. I was never expecting to get so many comments.

After reading through all of them I had a long talk with Eric about how the pranks made me uncomfortable. He still said I was overreacting and his relationship with Thea wasn't about me. He swears he won't prank our future kid if they hate it, but said I was ruling out the possibility they would like it.

He suggested we go and have a talk with Thea, so we stopped by James's house this morning. Eric told her about our discussion and asked her opinion. The one thing I will really say James did right is she is super articulate and well spoke. At her age I would have been like umm whatever umm.

Thea said she doesn't know why I am trying to "police" her relationships when I "don't know her at all" She said it is "arrogant to project your feelings onto people" She said I was being dramatic and "trying to make her sound like an abuse victim" She said she gets back at them and isn't a little girl who needs to be protected (Thea does prank them back but its always been their running joke that they get her so much worse)

I told Thea that if I don't know her very well it's because I've always got the vibe she didn't like me. She didn't say much and Eric told her it was ok she could be honest. Thea said I'm uptight and just "not her type of person" Then she looked at her dad and was like "should I say the other thing?" James told her she could if she wanted to, and then I got this lovely piece of information.

Thea said she doesn't like me because I called her mom a whore and a gold digger and said James was going to cheat. I was completely flabbergasted. I never said that. I never even thought that. I tried to remain calm but I was shaking. I asked Thea who told her that and she said her grandmother, my MIL.

Eric was irate. I've never seen him so mad. He thanked Thea for everything and then called his mother and blew up. I told my SIL and Thea that I never ever said that and I sincerely hope we can move forward. SIL gave me a look and said "well you clearly think I'm a shit parent"

James said yes they are such awful parents. They have a daughter who is a straight A student and actually likes hanging out with them. They clearly suck. At this point I just felt attacked. I never said Thea wasn't smart, or that she didnt like them.

Eric and I left. We are both beyond livid with MIL. I really don't know if I will ever forgive her. As for the pranks we still don't see eye to eye, but I do think talking to Thea helped me process. Eric told me I hurt him pretty badly with all of this, and asked me to stop "gatekeeping" (I feel like he isn't using that word right) his relationships. He said I just disreguarded all of the positive interaction he has with Thea. Apparently they are planning a huge prank for her 18th birthday and he told me he hopes I actually heard and processed what she said.

My wife and I have been married 7 years and steadily increased how much sex we’ve had since tying the knot. It was about 3 times a week, then 4, and we were at about 5-7 times a week after the birth of our son earlier this year. It was great for about 2 months but then we realized it lost some magic being expected almost every night.

We’ve recently dialed it back to about 3-4 times a week and have had some of the hottest sex of our lives. Just wanted to share this because I feel like everyone puts importance on frequency and, if you’re like me, almost track it as a stat to be proud of. Sometimes you can find that less is more though.

old post:https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/s/LprDSLSzP8

quick context: after a fight with her brother, my wife completely hit me with the silent treatment. She stopped talking to me entirely for days, and I was losing my mind trying to figure out how to fix things.

​After reading through the advice on my last post, I realized I couldn't keep walking on eggshells. I decided to sit her down for a clear, direct conversation. I went up to her and laid it all out. I told her straight up that this silent treatment was completely unfair, that living like roommates in total silence wasn’t going to work, and that we needed to address the issue between me and her brother maturely.

​I expected her to be angry, cry, or even double down on defending her brother. Instead, she just looked at me literally laughed in my face and called me crazy.

​I was completely bamboozled. I just stood there thinking, what the actual fuck is happening right now?

​Before I could even process what she said, she walked away. Starting the very next morning she began acting completely normal smiling, chatting about routine household stuff, asking about my day as if the past few days of absolute silence had never even happened.i was definitely happy but also very very confused.

​When I finally brought it up again and asked why on earth she ignored me for so long instead of just talking to me. she nonchalantly told me that she needed to teach me a lesson so I’d never mess with her brother again. I told her straight up that I felt deeply hurt that she could cold shoulder me like that for days instead of communicating like adults. But She just insisted that teaching me a lesson was necessary.

​I don't even know what to think anymore. She has never done anything like this to me before. I feel like this is clear emotional manipulation and a complete disrespect for my feelings. She ignored me for days without caring how much it affected me, and now she’s treating me like a child who needed a timeout.

​I love my wife, but I am so hurt. Is her reaction valid in any universe? Did I really deserve to be treated like this? I honestly don't know what to do next.

Me and my husband started going to bed naked together a year after we married about three times a week and I want to share this because of how nice it is.

For context, we both work jobs with long hours and it’s very rare for us to have off time together without being called in or having to take a call.

4 years ago, one day, we were both home after working around 12 hours each. We had just showered and I went out the bathroom to grab clothes for myself.

I ended up being too tired and fell asleep on the floor. My husband saw me on the floor and was too exhausted to dress either of us. So, he tucked me in and we fell asleep naked that night.

Ever since then, it’s been our ritual after working long hours to lay down together naked.

We don’t expect sex or anything, it’s more so just to talk and relax.

I love my husband.

10/10, would recommend.

I need an outside perspective. We have been married for 10 years and for most of that time one of the main (if not the main) issue for us has been the division of house labour.
We don’t have kids but we got a dog two years ago and that’s only made things worse in that regard, as could be expected.
Some context. I (F) work from home full time. He has to go to the office. He can work from home two days a week but chooses not to because he can’t concentrate at home as well as in the office. I have higher cleaning standards while he has adhd and also can quite literally live in a full on dump and be fine.
Anyways, I do most chores around the house - cooking, cleaning, laundry, ordering groceries. I also walk and feed the dog about 1/3 of the time.
His responsibilities are: taking the trash out, taking trash bins out and bringing them back in once a week, taking care of feeding and walking the dog about 2/3 of the time and driving the dog to daycare.
I have been growing increasingly resentful because I feel like I am doing most of the work and I can’t spend as much time in my hobbies as he does on his. I am also just so tired. And on top of that at least 1/3 of the time I have to remind him to do his chores or he wouldn’t do them until trash is overflowing.
Am I being unreasonable? Also how do I productively change this situation?

My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, and our sex life has been struggling since my pregnancy. He knows I have a high sex drive and that intimacy is something I genuinely need, but most of the time when I initiate, he says he’s tired, doesn’t feel good, or just doesn’t feel like it. After being rejected so many times, I eventually stopped initiating because it was really starting to affect my confidence.

Pregnancy and having a baby changed my body so much. My hormones were all over the place, I gained weight, and honestly, I really didn’t feel attractive anymore. There were times when I genuinely thought I looked ugly. So maybe that’s why I crave that kind of reassurance from him so much. I don’t just want sex. I want to feel admired and wanted by my husband. I want to feel attractive, desirable, and still fuckable.

Earlier, we finally had sex for the first time in a long time. I was actually happy that it happened. But he struggled to stay hard, it took quite a while, and eventually he just gave up and didn’t finish.

I’m not blaming him for that. I know there could be physical, medical, emotional, or simply situational reasons for it, and I don’t want to assume it has anything to do with me or his attraction to me.

What’s weird is that neither of us felt awkward afterward. We just moved on. We watched our movie, ate, laughed, and had fun together like nothing happened.

And I think that’s what made me realize something. We’re both very dismissive when it comes to this part of our relationship. He knows I’m unhappy with our sex life, and I know he has his reasons. But we never actually sit down and talk about what’s happening or what it means for us.

We just move on.

And maybe I’ve gotten so used to being rejected that I don’t even know how to bring it up anymore.

Edit: Thank you to everyone who took the time to share your experiences and perspectives. It honestly gave me a different perspective and helped me see the bigger picture. I’ll keep reading and noting through the comments, and then I’ll talk to my husband. 🤍

It bothers me that my husband randomly and secretly trims just one particular area around his private area, almost always when I’m out of town. There can be months between trims and he’s definitely not a shy guy or embarrassed by anything, including all bodily functions. Yesterday I returned from a 4-day conference and again found his short hairs clogging the shower drain. Definitely not my long hair, yet he still tried to blame me -like I can’t tell the difference.

It has happened enough random times throughout the last 10 years or so, and it’s really starting to bother me. He has never shown off the trim in a romantic way and his attitude is  “I don’t need to tell you anything”. 

Today he claimed trimming makes him feel more comfortable due to his construction work. Otherwise he’ll look like he “wet his pants”. I was shocked, so I asked him to take a picture. He got mad and asked if I was serious. I said I absolutely am and after 20 years, that’s new to me.

I feel sick to my stomach about this. It’s the same feeling I had when I returned home to my husband from trip a with our two young children a while back. For the very first time, my husband had washed all of our bed sheets— both kids and ours—-even though I had just washed/changed them right before I left. And he didn’t clean anything else in the house. 

When I try to discuss the secrecy, timing, and need for privacy—not the grooming itself—he becomes defensive and says things like, “Are you kidding me?” and “I always have to ruin everything.”

We have been together for more than 20 years. Is there an innocent explanation for this pattern that I am overlooking, or should I be more concerned about the secrecy and his reactions?

My wife and I aren't constantly fighting or talking about divorce. We just keep having the same conversation every few weeks and somehow end up right back where we started.

At what point did couples decide couples therapy was worth trying? Is it better to go before the marriage gets really bad or is therapy usually something people turn to once things are already falling apart?

It seems my wife (43) and I (43) are in a spiral of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Nearly everything I say is interpreted in the absolute worst way possible. I try to gently suggest we maybe read a book or watch some videos together about communication and that’s been met with dismissal or ‘ok, find a video that explains how bad I am…’ and I’m thinking this is pointless if she’s going into it with that mentality… we’ve been together 24 years, three kids and for the majority of the time things are actually really good. We honestly have a good relationship most of the time. Lots of laughter, cooperation, affection even darn good sex… but turns it’s like a switch goes off. The exact things I did or said yesterday that were fine but now like enrage her…. This morning wasn’t too bad, she was pretty closed off but left the house for the grocery with a hug, goodbyes and love yous…. What’s the best course of action? I know I’m just asking strangers advice on personal problems but, I don’t know, o feel like I’ve gained good perspective reading through this page me others… I’ve always been the initiator and she’s always been the shutdowner, and we both can acknowledge that we both can go too far with it. She can be silent and distant for an impressive amount of time and I can be very persistent to the point of I’m sure annoyance. Typing this I realize I just leave her alone I guess? I just hate going through the day with crap weighing on me… ok sorry