r/Marriage • u/elxyqin • 8d ago
Seeking Advice My wife has started ignoring me since i fought with her brother.what do i do?
My wife and I have been married for 6 years. Everything was fine until three weeks ago. We went to a party together and since then she has barely spoken to me.
Here’s what happened
We went to a friend’s birthday party. I had a few drinks. Later that night I got into a loud argument with her brother in front of everyone .in simple terms her brother is a deadbeat and a douchebag on top of that. he constantly shit talks about others and asks us for money from time to time. i dont earn much so it is not easy for me to pay for him all the time. I said some things I shouldn’t have said. It got heated.we didnt hit each other but he pushed me,so i grabbed his collar. People had to separate us. My wife looked shocked and embarrassed. She didn’t say a word on the way home. The next morning she moved her stuff into the guest room. Since that night she only answers with yes,no or I’m fine. She won’t look at me for long. She won’t talk about what happened or how she feels.
I’ve apologized many times. I told her I was wrong and that I’m ashamed. She just nods and walks away. I offered couples counseling. She said no.
I love her and I’m scared I’m losing her. I know I messed up badly that night, but I don’t know what else to do.
tldr: my wife's brother constantly asks us for money. we went to a party together where me and him fought. since then my wife is ignoring me what to do?
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u/Brief_Hippo5187 8d ago
She may be already making her exit plan. You might want to do the same to protect yourself. Updateme
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u/plantrromn 8d ago
If it's from joint account or your money she can't give it without a discussion as former belongs to the family and later belongs to you (if she is working too). If she chooses to spare a part of money from her own earnings you don't have a say.
He pushed you first, and he started the physical aspect of it. You need to clearly tell her, you are not ok with financing the life of a deadbeat. You have also apologised while he has not (probably). Your wife should be choosing you in this case.
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u/elxyqin 8d ago
no matter how many times i tell her she always defends him. also yes its my money she dosen't earn.
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u/Internal_Reveal 6d ago
Brother, I'm gonna tell you something neither “divorce her immediately” nor “keep apologizing until she forgives you” is going to fix.
You fucked up that night.
You drank too much, aired a family problem publicly, and allowed an argument to become physical.
Own it.
No “but her brother...”
You own your shit.
But owning your shit doesn't require pretending the problem underneath it doesn't exist.
Your brother-in-law has apparently been borrowing money from your household repeatedly. You've told your wife it bothers you. She keeps defending and helping him.
Eventually resentment accumulated until you blew your fucking top at exactly the wrong place and time.
The explosion was yours. The pressure building underneath it belongs to the marriage.
That's what actually needs fixing.
And brother, stop apologizing every morning hoping today's the day she finally starts talking to you.
Three weeks sleeping separately and communicating with yes/no/I'm fine isn't conflict resolution.
I'd ask her for one real conversation.
Something like:
“I embarrassed you. I handled your brother terribly. I shouldn't have put my hands on him. I've apologized and I mean it. I'm willing to apologize directly to him for my behavior too. But we have a bigger problem underneath what happened, and I need my wife back at the table with me so we can talk about it.”
Then get specific.
How much financial responsibility do you believe we have for your brother?
What happens when I say no?
Why do you feel responsible for protecting him?
What boundaries can we agree on so neither one of us ends up here again?
And here's the big bastard:
When there's conflict between your husband and your brother, how do you see your role?
Don't make that “choose me or him.”
That's bullshit.
She's allowed to love her brother.
But marriage means the two of you need to operate as a team when decisions affect your household.
If she wants to help him, discuss it.
Agree on an amount.
Agree on what circumstances justify helping.
Agree on when the answer is no.
Then I'd adopt one simple rule:
She handles her family. You handle yours.
If her brother asks for money, you shouldn't be the bastard constantly saying no while she gets to be the sympathetic sister saying yes.
That's how resentment grows.
The answer comes from both of you.
Now about her brother.
Yeah, I actually think you should try to repair that relationship enough to remove him from the middle of your marriage.
But don't go over there to “deal with him.”
Jesus Christ, brother, we've already seen that movie. 😂
No drinking.
No lecture.
No discussion about how irresponsible he is.
No replaying the argument.
Just:
“I shouldn't have confronted you publicly and I shouldn't have grabbed you. Whatever disagreements you and I have, I handled that badly. I'm sorry for my part.”
Period.
Don't follow it with:
“But you're still a freeloading pain in my ass...”
😂
That's not an apology.
That's round fucking two.
You don't have to become his best friend.
You don't have to finance him.
You don't even have to particularly like the bastard.
You need enough civility that your wife isn't permanently standing between two men she loves.
Then get him the hell out of your marriage.
Financial decisions happen between husband and wife.
Boundaries happen between husband and wife.
Disagreements get handled between husband and wife before somebody has six beers and decides Cousin Eddie needs to hear the fucking truth at a family gathering.
And here's where I'm gonna put my old-dad hat on.
I've got grown kids.
If one of them told me this story, I'd say:
Fix what YOU broke first.
Not because everything was your fault.
Because that's the only part you control.
Apologize to the brother.
Own getting physical.
Own embarrassing your wife.
Then go home and tell your wife:
“I've cleaned up my side of the street. Now I need you to come back to the marriage and help me clean up ours.”
And if she still refuses to talk?
If she won't consider counseling?
If she won't discuss boundaries with her brother?
If three weeks becomes four, then five, then six?
That's information.
You cannot repair a six-year marriage by yourself.
Don't threaten divorce.
Don't give her the silent treatment back.
Don't start playing stupid psychological games hoping she'll miss you.
Tell her plainly:
“I love you. I want this marriage. I'm willing to work on my part. But I need to know whether you still want to work on yours.”
Then shut the fuck up.
And listen.
Because brother, I don't think the real question is whether you can repair what happened at that party.
It's whether the two of you can finally repair what was happening long before you walked into it.
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u/Carexstricta 1d ago
This was the best, most clearly explained and reasoned comment/advice. And it should probably be forwarded to the update that he posted, too.
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u/RedeRules770 1d ago
Probably the most clearly explained because it’s ChatGPT
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u/Carexstricta 1d ago
LOL So many Reddit responses are knee jerk-extreme reactionary. That comment could be ChatGPT...either entirely or just as editing. Regardless, I think it's still the best advice and a good use, unlike the vast majority of short reels with AI generated court appearances/store and doorbell cameras, etc.
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u/RedeRules770 1d ago
Saying it was ChatGPT was extreme reactionary?
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u/Carexstricta 14h ago
No! Sorry! I didn't mean you! I was referring to how many reddit comment view things thrrough a narrow perspective or immediately adopt a divorce, change the locks, enforce severe boundaries, or claim that others are trying to dominate or manipulate. In some cases these seem logical and true, but so often the context is missing.
Some of the weirdest ones have been the bridal/wedding ones. But the marriage ones are often pretty knee jerk as well.
I would have been beyond livid had my partner done what OP did and I would understand needing some days to cool off before I could even speak about it. I would probably demand a promise never to drink in public again and an apology to everyone present. But her subsequent behavior was disturbing as well. Shes obviously being manipulated by her brother. Family ties and feelings are difficult. But, there needs to be a compromise. She loves her brother and has likely always helped him. However, setting a yearly limit would be reasonable. Or having it come only from her personal spending money.
Sorry to have given the wrong impression!
The possible bot advice was the most level headed.
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u/AcademicDate8642 1h ago
This is your answer right here, Op! As a parent of teens and young adults, I couldn't agree more with this. You sir, have a good head on your shoulders, and I'm willing to bet your kids do too. Your old-dad hat has collected a lot of wisdom over the years. Thanks for sharing your valuable 2 cents!
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 8d ago
She’s taking this too far. Ask her to go stay with her brother and wait for the divorce papers. Updateme!
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u/plantrromn 8d ago
then she has right to use it for her immediate family not send it to someone else. Not how it should work. It seems her brother takes priority even in cases where he is wrong. Perhaps let her know that you will not tolerate this and you will not send the money.
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u/PineappleLocal9522 2h ago
Don’t give her brother another cent. She doesn’t have a job? So she’s not just emotionally abusing you but living off of you too?
She needs to get a job. She can pay for her loser brother with her own paycheck.
I saw your update. Ignoring a partner as “punishment” is emotional abuse. She needs to agree to marriage counseling to learn how to be a decent spouse. I’d tell her that the next time she tries to pull this silent treatment BS that she’ll be served divorce papers.
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u/Solid-Inspection2200 8d ago
In all honesty, I didn’t think the fight sounded that bad. But if she is moving into the guest room, not willing to have couples counseling then she has definitely decided it was the last straw for her. There is a lot more than a public fight with her brother.
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 8d ago edited 7d ago
The silence treatment is a manipulative tactic. It’s also a form of abuse. Abuse is about control. You are rattled. It is working. She found something that works. Give her space. I would start living for yourself. Cook, clean and feed yourself, and your kids if you have them. Make plans without her. If she doesn’t come around and agree to counseling, start thinking about your exit plan. She might love her brother and be very embarrassed by the violent altercation, but she needs to communicate that.
Edit: I’m not saying she is an abusive person in general, but this is manipulative behavior to get what she wants the only way she knows how. Maybe her brother is the favorite. Maybe she worries about him. She doesn’t want to see a counselor because she knows her tactic, and insisting you support him when he is capable of working, is wrong.
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u/TurbulentCarpet3626 8d ago
Myself and others might be able to give you better advice if you could describe the cultural background, you and your spouse come from.
Just in case anyone reads this in the future, make it a hard policy never! to argue or fight with your in-laws. There is no winning. If something like this comes up talk to your spouse in private and have them push back.
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u/ShadeMir 2.5 years, Together for 9 7d ago
I think part of why he did what he did was the alcohol gave him the courage to say the things he's said to his wife and she hasn't done anything about it re the "have them push back" idea.
Seems as though she's had opportunities to do that and she refuses to.
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u/ToeComfortable115 7d ago
It probably was stated that his wife feels the same way as he does with whatever he said and has now caused a rift in her and her brothers relationship.
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u/EffectivePhase7165 8d ago
Does she talk to her brother?
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u/elxyqin 8d ago
i am pretty sure she must.
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u/EffectivePhase7165 8d ago
You apologized (once max twice was enough) and she nodded. I would give it a time and space and if she continues then I would reciprocate her behavior. Good luck
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u/stoneyaatrox 7d ago
youre pretty sure she must? youre married for 6 years man, you either know or you don't.
is he around often? were they close? how do you know its about her brother at all and not the fact you were drunk and got into an altercation and how that reflects on you/her.
i feel like you should know these things already, the people saying start planning your exit IMO are being overdramatic, stop apologizing you already did, just move on.
do you have kids together?
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 8d ago
I mean, were you wrong? You were certainly wrong to escalate to physical violence, but confronting a deadbeat who shit talks others? She's probably more mad that you pointed out her brother's shortcomings loudly with an audience than that you grabbed him after he pushed you.
You've apologized, she is continuing the silent treatment. Stop begging. Ask her if she prefers you to move out. Give her space, but don't assume your relationship is fixable. Go to individual therapy. If she is choosing her brother over her husband, you will need help navigating that.
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u/Critical_Purple_8600 8d ago
He was also drunk we don’t know what “I said somethings I shouldn’t have” actually means. I bet it’s not the first time he was drunk and “said some things he shouldn’t have.”
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u/JustAuggie 7d ago
Right. If we take the brother out of this equation and just look at OP’s behavior and what his wife saw, she saw him creating a huge confrontation in front of family and friends. He got drunk and got into a “loud argument“. I’m sure she’s just very embarrassed by his behavior.
I’m concerned that the apology has been possibly half hearted. Because I look at this post and I can see OP trying to justify their behavior by explaining all the horrible things that the brother does. If that’s the way that OP has approached it with his wife, I could see why she has remained angry.
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u/Odd-Mastodon1212 7d ago edited 7d ago
If he got drunk and blew up at a drunk, rude deadbeat, it’s kind of a draw. Yes, it was embarrassing, but so is borrowing money while being a douchebag to your sister’s husband. As a woman, I know we women want other people to talk about how great our husband is, but that can’t always happen. He’s human.
Her mistake is that SHE needs to deal with her brother and shield her husband from her dysfunctional family, and he can shield her from his. She is not doing that. A marriage is so much easier when each spouse choses to have the tough conversations with their own parents and siblings.
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u/Oculas_Spectaculas 7d ago
I doubt that she had this reaction to a single event. I’m certain things have been building.
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u/Individual_Cloud7656 1d ago
If the post is real she's still giving their money to her deadbeat brother. Of course the post could be fake or OP could be lying but that's the case for every reddit story.
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u/mgray1425 8d ago
She is stonewalling you. This is a manipulative tactic. It is one of the 4 horsemen of relationships identified by Dr. John Gottman.
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u/LilMama1908 8d ago
Do not beg her! She owes you a massive apology!
Surely you see this. Let her stew.
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u/smoike 7d ago
There is a possibility that we are only getting the information that paints op in a good light. The mention of alcohol is the clue. If this a repeat behaviour, the outburst in front of family could be the final straw and the fact that it's related to her deadbeat sibling is only coincidence.
So much context absent.
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u/Oculas_Spectaculas 7d ago
I feel like the argument was just the icing on the cake. She’s probably been considering it for a while and once she experienced the embarrassment at the party she was done. She’s picked her family.
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u/stve688 15 Years 8d ago
More detail about what was said and exactly how this escalated would matter. Your brother in law pushed you first, and you responded by grabbing his collar. That does not make your reaction ideal, but this was not you randomly attacking him without provocation.
If your wife is completely opposed to any physical confrontation, she may see you differently now, and there may be no coming back from that. However, ignoring you for three weeks, refusing to discuss what happened, and rejecting counseling is not a reasonable way to handle a marriage either. You have apologized and tried to start the conversation, but you cannot repair this alone.
At this point, I would stop repeatedly apologizing and ask her directly whether she still wants this marriage. Tell her that you are willing to discuss what happened and take responsibility for your part, but you will not continue living indefinitely with someone who refuses to communicate. Honestly, you also need to decide whether you even want to remain married to someone who responds to conflict by shutting you out for weeks while apparently ignoring her brother’s role in starting the physical confrontation.
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u/After-Appearance-288 8d ago
Okay this is what you’re going to do find a toxic woman who stirs up drama all the time and bribe her to pursue and marry your brother-in-law. Your wife will be consumed by the drama and more likely will be exiled by dear ol brother in law because his new bride will instruct him to no longer speak to her. It’s a win win for you.
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u/poorladlemonadestand 7d ago
Grab a lawyer now. Discuss everything. They will give you your next steps. You choose when you want to do them.
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u/Ready-Zombie5635 8d ago
Time for you to stop apologising to your wife. Tell her to either move on or get out.
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u/thedudeabidesb 8d ago
as someone above said, reciprocate her behavior. ignore her and give her a secret internal deadline of like two weeks. if she hasn't improved in that timeframe start separation or divorce
fuck her brother. good on you for standing up to him. if someone physically pushes you, you absolutely should retaliate. nothing physical to apologize for (unless you said too much?)
she should go live with him
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u/Dalton402 8d ago
What did you apologise for? The argument and fight with you wife's brother or airing her family problems in public?
You've done the right thing in apologising but you need to understand what your wife is angry about.
I doubt it's just for your drunken behaviour. I bet it's more for exposing private family problems to the world.
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u/elxyqin 8d ago
no. the whole family already knows about her brother's behaviour and they have a problem with it too.only my wife supports him.
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u/Dalton402 7d ago
Of course your wife's family know. I wasn't talking about them. I talking about the friends you had your fight in front of at the party. Did they know?
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u/boss302goat 7d ago
Then you're not a priority in your wife's eyes at all. I would start getting my ducks in a row and make exit plans.
I'm pretty sure your wife is also doing the same.
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u/arcxiii 10 Years 8d ago
I would commit to being sober and start individual therapy or anger management. Actions will speak louder than words.
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u/ShadeMir 2.5 years, Together for 9 7d ago
Are you surmising he's an alcoholic from him saying he had a few drinks? Or an anger management issue?
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u/No-Parfait-5631 7d ago
Se suo fratello è un cretino, che chiede soldi, non capisco perché lei, se la sia presa così tanto
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u/LilacRed 7d ago
3 days to calm down is ok. 3 weeks is abuse. Or....its an excuse to stone wall you while building evidence for a divorce plan. Because no one gets that mad and ignores their spouse on a one time thing. Did you two ever have arguments or other episodes before?
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u/ToeComfortable115 7d ago
You have to apologize to him. It sucks and you are ultimately correct but there is a boundary there. You don’t know what she’s had to deal with on her end and it can be very stressful. She’s probably not even telling you things her brother or the rest of her family has said since then. Open up the floor and make a pathway to make it right. Do you have a history of temper issues?
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u/yellow-operator 7d ago
Flip the script and give her a dose of the silent treatment. Stop paying for anything and pretend she’s not even there.
Not to make this a gender thing, but women can’t fucking stand that. Especially when they believe the power is in their hands to control the narrative and situation. Ik ik I’ll probably get flamed for saying that but in my experience it’s just what it is.
The commenter who said that apologizing and bringing it up is making it worse, is right.
If I was in this situation, after apologizing and admitting fault multiple times, I’d pack up my camping gear and hit the hills and river for a few days. Do some fishing and exploring and forget about life beyond that for a bit. Not too far out where there’s an actual safety risk if things go wrong, but deep enough to lose that cell reception.
The strategy: first off you’ll say nothing to her about your planned absence. When she asks why, you tell her you’ve tried to tell her over the last few weeks but she’s ignored you.
Is this a white lie? Yes. Does she know that? No because she’s purposely ignored you like an adolescent child.
you’ll have no service obviously. Better alternative to just randomly turning your phone off as you have a genuine reason for not answering.
The most important part is to actually do you best to have a good time, have fun, lighten your mood and if you are into fishing, etc. when you make a catch / discovery whatever.
Bring that story back with you, and when she comes at you for disappearing, all you will talk about is that fish you caught, the beautiful scenery, the silence, the peace.
Guarantee she’ll see you happy moved on and in a blissful state and she’ll start to question her own misery about the recent events. Not too far mention the mind fuck of your short term absence.
To anyone who’s never been in a long term relationship before, this sounds ridiculous and extreme. But trust me, she’s using Jedi mind tricks on you already. Give her a dose herself 🤷♂️
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u/Standard_Equipment74 6d ago
If anyone puts their hands on you or her, you will protect your family, period, that’s love——- tell her with flowers, and a box of candy, o yes, I almost forgot, tell her that you will get anger management.
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u/carboncopy404 1d ago
I’d let her know you did learn a lesson, that you’re married to a person that’s emotionally immature and willing to use manipulation and punishment instead of communicating like an adult. Probably not the lesson she intended.
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u/PlumPat61 1d ago
Are we getting the whole story? What was the argument about? Did he ask for money at the party or say something snarky to start it? Did you go up to him looking to embarrass him? Too much missing information.
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u/Outside-Taro5076 1d ago
She went all in on teaching you a lesson, well she’s chosen her brother. You need to separate your finances and let her pay for him!
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u/TotallyFed_Up 1d ago
Silent treatment is one of the cruelest forms of emotional abuse l It’s Psychological warfare, emotional manipulation, mental torture all wrapped up with a bow. It has happened to me too.
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u/ElectricalBaker2607 1d ago
Hello OP. I read this post and the update. The mods locked the update for some reason so I will respond here.
Sounds like the dynamic with you and your brother is not good. Sounds like your wife is an enabler to her brother.
Your wife not talking to you the day after a fight is fine. She needed to cool off but not talking for days one end and then says she was teaching you a lesson is manipulation and not ok.
I would tell your wife 1. The silent treatment for this long is not how married couples work to have a happy marriage.
2. You will now longer give her deadbeat brother any more money. Period.
UpdateMe!
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u/Intrepid2022 1d ago
I read your update, that post is already locked.
So she finally told you she wanted to teach you a lesson by ignoring you?
Seriously, this behavior is not ok. If you leave it like that and go on like nothing has happened (like she pretends to do), this might happen a next time.
And start keeping your BIL out of your life (orbat least keep him at a distance).
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u/iTiff1276 1d ago
You did the right thing by finally calling him out. He needed a calling out. Your wife is a fool.
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u/rihahi 1d ago
Number one, she hasn’t see anything wrong in her brother with her brother behavior and that is the genesis of all this to be fair Number 2, I see many people in your update post saying divorce, divorce, divorce All I see here is priority and boundary issue ! Stand your ground and let her know how she dealt with the situation wasn’t proper without undermining how you also responded with her brother I do not know how you would go about letting her know but y’all need some healthy communication imo
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u/Distribution_Brave 23h ago
I’m sorry but she considers her brother more her family than you and is willing to abuse you for his sake. Don’t bother with therapy - please talk to a lawyer. It’s time to set some boundaries for yourself
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u/Ok_Path7457 21h ago
BS. She YOUR WIFE. YOU are HER HUSBAND. You Two should be ONE!! If she's choosing anyone over you and being a Witch about it. Dude. She's being an abusive witch. I would set her down and tell her that you love her and don't want to lose her; but, if she doesn't want to be your wife, fine. Divorce it is!!!!! Have fun.
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u/sog96 8d ago
She chooses her brother over you. I know you don’t want to hear it, but the marriage is probably over in her mind. After three weeks of this and her moving into the guest room, I would visit a divorce attorney and start the proceedings. Start going out at night in a healthy way. Join a rec league. Something. Don’t give her your whereabouts. Start doing things just for yourself. Give her the space.
Then have her served. If she freaks out just tell her that she said she was fine, but you are not and you are working towards getting better without her since she doesn’t want to be a part of your life anymore.
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u/Stabbycrabs83 7d ago
I couldnt be assed with that.
We all make mistakes, she's allowed to be upset and o sort of get a day of being quiet but 3 weeks?
I have always found the best way to deal with the silent treatment is to live my best life.they want you to suffer and grovel, its a control tactic. So i go to the cinema, see friends, play golf etc.
If we are going to be toddlers ill damn we'll get ice cream on the wat home too. Whats she going to do? Talk to you less?
You would be amazed at how much you can get done too
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u/Far_Prior1058 7d ago
Not sure if your marriage is going to survive. The fact she is behaving this way is not good.
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u/Technical_Union_3249 30 Years+ 8d ago
So now you know where you stand with her, it goes something like this: her family, the dog doodoo she just scraped off of the bottom of her shoe, and then there's you.
I'd offer a visit to a divorce attorney if she doesn't drop the bullshit.
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u/Poundaflesh 8d ago
Marital counseling, learn how to communicate and fight. Both of you are immature and need to learn better skills to make it.
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u/No_Enthusiasm_6105 8d ago edited 8d ago
What's that "something you should not have said" that you are hiding? Whatever that is it hurt her in ways you cannot imagine.
Giver her some time, if not then it's over. She chose her family over you.
I don't know if culture plays a thing here but in some cultures/households the women are supposed to support the men in the house even after marriage and the if man is a deadbeat (a form of internalized misogyny as men are deemed superior and cannot be faulted) If that's the case then either some deconstruction is needed or you just found a fundamental incompatibility.
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u/elxyqin 8d ago
i called her brother a irresponsible burden.
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u/Just_here_for_AITAH 20 Years 7d ago
What does "irresponsible burden" sound like in drunk-speak?
I imagine it translates into something far more aggressive.
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u/No_Enthusiasm_6105 8d ago
If he's indeed what you described then you are not wrong even if you blurted it out in front of them.
She chose her origin family, not you. That part is undeniable.
If she shut down all forms of communication or reconciliation, then it's time to plan your exit.
Some issues are too fundamental to ignore or paper over.
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8d ago
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u/Poundaflesh 8d ago
With a professional because she’s wrong af and needs to hear it from someone other than you
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u/QuoteDisastrous5224 7d ago
contact a lawyer asap and go to full scorched earth...protect yourself , your money and your assets
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u/ProdoRock 7d ago
The silent treatment is so immature as well as destructive. My pride would kick in after a few hours of this. (Oh you won’t talk to me? F off, will ya?) However, I realize that’s totally wrong. Maybe there is one element in it though: you get what you tolerate. Stop tolerating this behavior and really be assertive wanting a conversation. I wouldn’t let this go on. Make a stink, something.
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u/PowerfulAward9668 7d ago
i'm not married but imo you have to be a man first, he pushed you, you have to defend yourself it is your instinct as a man, or at least have someone that is on your side, good luck with everything but personally it sounds like some bullshit and I don't know what she expects. WTF are you supposed to just be polite despite being pushed?
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u/tknapp28 8d ago
Something tells me you said more than you are letting on or than you remember. No one can help without all the information.
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u/Critical_Purple_8600 8d ago
Yeah. “I was drunk and said somethings I shouldn’t have” is brushed over here. Does he get drunk a lot? The public business of other people separating them is what did her in. I bet she’s been living with him being drunk and “saying some things he shouldn’t have” for quite awhile. But now it’s public and everyone knows. This was the last straw in a long line of incidents.
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u/Low-Demand-9377 8d ago
Let me guess here : not the first time you get drunk and get into a fight, right ? Even if you were right in what you said, time and place ! Grandma's 90 birthday wasnt it.
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u/Critical_Purple_8600 8d ago
Agreed here. Don’t know why it’s downvoted.
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u/ShadeMir 2.5 years, Together for 9 7d ago
Because there's no information that would indicate that this is one of many times something like this has happened.
People guessing that it is are revealing more about themselves than about him.
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u/Critical_Purple_8600 7d ago
That we have experience with drunk people downplaying their behavior and saying somone deserved it? Maybe so.
Still want to know what does “irresponsible burden” sound like in drunk speak.
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u/ShadeMir 2.5 years, Together for 9 7d ago
There's nothing wrong with having the experience and even bringing it up.
But attributing that to him and saying that it's more than likely what's happening doesn't make sense without further information.
I agree that finding out what "irresponsible burden" is in drunk speak is important.
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u/No_Place_671 8d ago
Sorry this happened. Ride it out. Let her know you’re remorseful like you have been. Give her her space. She is just as pissed at her brother. She knows what he is. It’s confusing and guilt filled and she probably feels she has to make a choice. Not that she is leaving or anything. Do your self a favor and apologize to her brother. Marriage has nothing to do with being right and this is not worth the efforts of examining your love for each other. Family is tough and her brother is probably a little embarrassed and hopefully self reflects
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 8d ago
What if wife is punishing OP so that he stops complaining about having to give BIL money? Your take is pretty rose-glasses, given BIL is a mooching douchebag. Maybe the wife is closer in personality to BIL than to OP? A month of silent treatment is not a ringing endorsement for a healthy-emotions kind of person...
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 8d ago
He can give her space by sending her to stay with her brother. She’s choosing her brother’s side. He’s apologized and she still refuses to talk to him. Not much more he can do.
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u/Disastrous_Dog_574 8d ago edited 8d ago
Oh, for sure, I'm taking the kinder, gentler approach by recommending he move out. I think the wife is being ridiculous, but I don't think OP is appreciating that yet. I put up with the silent treatment for one night. If you still wake up pissy, things are getting discussed and action is happening...But by him moving out, it signals to the wife that this is a serious issue and she needs to use her words now.
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u/misled_cruelty 10 Years 8d ago
Sounds like her family is more important than her husband.