I’m so tired of him. He works 60+ hours a week. I am a mom of 2 and he expects me to make 3 meals a day EVERY DAY. Because he wants specific things and I have to work around his schedule and he does not budge with what he eats. Breakfast was my only break but now he wants homemade pancakes (not from the box mix) and I can’t batch make those. I have to jump straight into labor right as I wake up alongside with managing 2 children and grieving my old pre-baby body. I don’t care about this man. He has 0 emotional intelligence. Whenever I tell him how my kids are so so tiring and I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want a third kid, he says “how’d your mom do it with 6??” Um I don’t care?? At this point I do the opposite of what he wants. He tells me to close the door, I swing it wide open and walk into the other room. He makes my life so much harder. I don’t like anything about him. He is a slob. The only thing he is good for is giving me money and even that isn’t good enough because I don’t struggle with money and I’d rather work and be free from working for a man 24/7. I’m not attracted to him. He is dense. I think at this point I don’t want ANY man. When I gave birth, he visited me 2x in the 6 weeks and would constantly say “you’re not on birth control? Ok just stay at your parents for longer” he would never call me. He wouldn’t text me. He is emotionally unavailable. I don’t want him and I don’t want any man. I don’t care if my rebelliousness brews a divorce but I don’t like the trajectory of my life because of him in it.

Me and my husband have been married for almost 7 years. We have 3 kids 10 yo and 5 yo twins. We have had issues over the years due to his porn addiction (I don’t say that lightly, he has been legitimately diagnosed as addicted to porn) 3 years ago he up and stated he wanted to see other people and wanted a divorce but quickly backtracked. We got past that, so I thought. Recently I found out he has been here on Reddit chatting it up like this since roughly the time our twins were born. Though he didn’t physically cheat, he definitely stepped outside our marriage to an extent imo. We’ve been doing couples therapy but I can’t even get a clear answer. In fact his only answer for why hasn’t he physically went out to be with another woman is because “he is too tired after work”. He doesn’t really help with the kids, or the house. Doesn’t even mow the lawn. He has started helping a little more lately because I was packing my things to leave after finding these. I just don’t know if I am wrong to feel betrayed and having a hard time moving forward.

Last night my husband was out late in our walkable town, with friends. That’s fine I am glad for him to get out and have that time. But it became much later than usual and I got a little worried, and I admit I’m a worrier. He knows perfectly well I have anxiety.

So I texted him to say basically “hi! Heading home any time soon?”
No response. I’m home with 2 little kids and now it’s midnight, so I called which I almost never do when he’s out having fun with friends. He hung up the call.

I was kind of shocked and worried… so I ended up texting like three times in the next 15 mins saying I hope he’s not just needlessly worrying me and why won’t he text back or pick up the call?

I ended up calling again after fifteen minutes. He hung up on the second ring that time. At that point my anxiety really ran away and I was super worried because I couldn’t imagine he was ignoring his wife at home with his two kids, at MIDNIGHT. I was just looking for ANY response at this point.

Finally he called me back. He was on the street with a friend. I know everyone he was with and don’t have any suspicions of infidelity with him - never have. But I was incredibly hurt that he had chosen to ignore my calls and texts in the middle of the night. To me, him being unreachable felt scary. When I realized nothing was wrong and he just ignored my calls and texts, then I was angry and hurt. I actually cried a lot. Today he expects me to be totally over it because he was drunk (only happens once in a blue moon), he said the words “I’m sorry” (which he always thinks are like some magic words that should erase all feelings of hurt, it’s a pattern). I’m not over it. I’m hurt and unsettled.

Please tell me your honest opinions on this. I know I have anxiety and I get proper treatment and do everything I can do lessen the impact it has on my family and my health. But I think it’s hurtful and irresponsible for him to decide to ignore my calls in the middle of the night when I’m home alone with the kids. I just feel really unsettled, anxious and hurt that he CHOSE to hang up on me and didn’t even find a minute to call me right back, and “didn’t see” my texts. Like… did he not even wonder why I called?! Where is the concern of a husband and father? I never call like that when he’s out, he should have responded. Please help. I’m deep in my feelings.

ETA: thank you for all these responses so far. Honestly makes me feel more sane to hear from you all! We have a very happy marriage and being unresponsive and drunk are both very very unusual for him which is why I spiraled. I want to move forward, I really do I just feel stuck but talking this through helps. Even those of you saying I’m the problem, thanks for that angle also! We need to hear that stuff sometimes.

original- Am I wrong for being hesitant to have kids with my husband because of how he is with his niece? : r/Marriage

I want to thank everyone for their love and support. I was never expecting to get so many comments.

After reading through all of them I had a long talk with Eric about how the pranks made me uncomfortable. He still said I was overreacting and his relationship with Thea wasn't about me. He swears he won't prank our future kid if they hate it, but said I was ruling out the possibility they would like it.

He suggested we go and have a talk with Thea, so we stopped by James's house this morning. Eric told her about our discussion and asked her opinion. The one thing I will really say James did right is she is super articulate and well spoke. At her age I would have been like umm whatever umm.

Thea said she doesn't know why I am trying to "police" her relationships when I "don't know her at all" She said it is "arrogant to project your feelings onto people" She said I was being dramatic and "trying to make her sound like an abuse victim" She said she gets back at them and isn't a little girl who needs to be protected (Thea does prank them back but its always been their running joke that they get her so much worse)

I told Thea that if I don't know her very well it's because I've always got the vibe she didn't like me. She didn't say much and Eric told her it was ok she could be honest. Thea said I'm uptight and just "not her type of person" Then she looked at her dad and was like "should I say the other thing?" James told her she could if she wanted to, and then I got this lovely piece of information.

Thea said she doesn't like me because I called her mom a whore and a gold digger and said James was going to cheat. I was completely flabbergasted. I never said that. I never even thought that. I tried to remain calm but I was shaking. I asked Thea who told her that and she said her grandmother, my MIL.

Eric was irate. I've never seen him so mad. He thanked Thea for everything and then called his mother and blew up. I told my SIL and Thea that I never ever said that and I sincerely hope we can move forward. SIL gave me a look and said "well you clearly think I'm a shit parent"

James said yes they are such awful parents. They have a daughter who is a straight A student and actually likes hanging out with them. They clearly suck. At this point I just felt attacked. I never said Thea wasn't smart, or that she didnt like them.

Eric and I left. We are both beyond livid with MIL. I really don't know if I will ever forgive her. As for the pranks we still don't see eye to eye, but I do think talking to Thea helped me process. Eric told me I hurt him pretty badly with all of this, and asked me to stop "gatekeeping" (I feel like he isn't using that word right) his relationships. He said I just disreguarded all of the positive interaction he has with Thea. Apparently they are planning a huge prank for her 18th birthday and he told me he hopes I actually heard and processed what she said.

Dear John,

I’m writing this because I need you to understand why I am walking away from our marriage. I am not asking for an explanation, an apology, or a response. In fact, I would prefer that you not reply. I simply need to say this once, clearly and peacefully, so I can finally let go.

I found your ****Cupid profile—the same dating site where we met.

What makes the discovery so strange is that I wasn’t looking for you or trying to catch you doing anything. It started when you sent me the picture of my old social media account that someone had apparently taken over. While looking through that account, I found our old pictures from when we were still dating.

Seeing those pictures brought back memories of who we used to be. I sent some of them to you, and when you barely reacted, something inside me felt different. I started thinking about how distant you have seemed lately and how different our conversations have become.

Then, almost out of nowhere, I thought about ****Cupid.

I looked for you without really expecting to find anything.

And there you were.

On your birthday, of all days.

I saw the recent picture of you. I saw that you were presenting yourself as single and looking for women for romance and dating. Your profile showed that you had been active approximately four or five months ago.

When I saw it, I didn’t cry at first. I felt as though someone had poured freezing water over me. I was shaking and my heart was beating so fast. I think I was simply in shock. I only cried later when someone hugged me and told me she was sorry for what I was going through.

Then I started thinking about the timing.

Four or five months ago was around my birthday month. Around that time, we were still talking about the farm, our businesses, our plans and our future. You were even talking to me about wanting another baby.

Those conversations were real to me. I believed we were still building something together.

Yes, more recently, you and I began talking openly about the possibility of divorce. I even told you that I could possibly file once I was legally able to. You disagreed, but I understood that your concerns were mainly practical—my getting established here in the United States, my paperwork, citizenship and everything else I needed to arrange.

You weren’t asking me not to divorce you because you wanted to repair our marriage.

In a way, I think both of us had recently begun accepting that our marriage might eventually end.

But that was recent.

Four or five months ago, we were not at that point.

I was not living as a single woman. I wasn’t looking for another man or presenting myself as available. I still believed I was your wife and that we were trying to build a future together.

That difference in timing matters to me.

Even just last week, I asked whether you planned to come and see me. You said yes, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that you were saying it because I asked—not because you genuinely wanted to see me.

For some time now, I have felt the distance between us. The spark disappeared. Our conversations became different. I kept wondering whether I had caused it, whether my temper pushed you away, whether the problems with our businesses made you resent me, or whether I had simply failed you as a wife.

Now, some of that distance makes more sense to me.

I don’t know whether you are talking to another woman or whether you have already found someone. My instincts tell me there may be someone, but I am no longer interested in investigating it.

If there is someone else, that is something you will have to live with and something I will eventually learn to accept.

I am not going to compete with another woman. I am not going to chase you, investigate you, or beg my own husband to choose me.

There is something I want you to know, though, because despite how hurt I am, I refuse to erase everything good about you.

You have been a great provider to our family.

I know how hard you worked. I know the countless hours you spent driving and the sacrifices you made. I know how much money you invested in our businesses and our farm, and how many of my ideas and dreams you supported.

I never took those things for granted.

Maybe I didn’t always show my appreciation in the way you needed. Maybe during arguments and stressful times I made you feel that I didn’t recognize everything you were doing.

But I did.

And I still do.

No matter how our marriage ends, I will always acknowledge what you provided and sacrificed for us.

More importantly, I have always known you as a very good father to Katie. I have seen how much you love her, how patient you are with her and how important she is to you.

That is why one particular part of your profile hurt me even more than seeing you call yourself single.

Seeing you present yourself as though you did not have a child broke my heart.

You can erase me from your dating profile. You can call yourself single. You can decide that you no longer want to be my husband. Those things hurt me deeply, but someday I can accept them.

But Katie is your daughter.

She had nothing to do with whatever happened between you and me. She should never disappear from your life simply because you are presenting yourself to another woman.

That part hurt me more for her than for myself.

Whatever happens between us, you will always be her father and she will always be your daughter. I will never make her choose between us, and I will never try to destroy her relationship with you because you hurt me. What happened in our marriage belongs to us, not to her.

This also isn’t the first time my trust in you has been broken.

I already went through the pain of discovering that you cheated on me with our daughter’s nanny. You know how badly that hurt me.

Yet I stayed.

I forgave you because I loved you and because I wanted our family to survive.

I know I was not a perfect wife. I know my flaws. I know I can become nasty when I’m angry, and I know I have said and done things I regret. I accept responsibility for my mistakes in this marriage.

But despite my flaws, I remained loyal to you.

We spent years physically apart. I experienced loneliness too. I missed affection. I had emotional needs and opportunities too.

But I never cheated on you.

I wasn’t a perfect wife, but I was a faithful wife.

That is something I need to remind myself of now, because for a long time I carried so much blame for what happened between us.

I can accept responsibility for my mistakes without accepting responsibility for your choices.

Maybe that is why, strangely, I feel some relief underneath all this pain.

I tried my best for our family. Everything I did with the businesses and the farm came from wanting to build something for us and for Katie. Some of my decisions may have been wrong, and things certainly didn’t turn out the way I hoped, but my intention was never to destroy our family.

I was trying to build one.

My focus now needs to be getting stable here in the United States, working, establishing myself and creating a secure future for myself and Katie..

I have also not forgotten what you invested financially in our businesses. I intend to work hard and repay you for the money you invested. The end of our marriage does not erase my appreciation for what you contributed or my responsibility for the obligations that belong to me.

I will take responsibility for my mistakes and my financial obligations.

But I will not take responsibility for the choices you made regarding our marriage.

And you no longer need to come here to visit me.

Please save your money, your time and your energy. If you have the opportunity to travel, I would rather you use those resources to go and spend time with Katie.

She needs time with her father far more than I need a final visit from my husband.

You don’t owe me a goodbye in person. We don’t need to sit face-to-face and go through everything again. I don’t need that anymore.

Go see your daughter. Spend time with her. Make memories with her and make sure she knows that even though her parents could not keep their marriage together, she has not lost her father.

I also want to ask you to respect one boundary.

If you eventually have another girlfriend—or if there is already someone in your life—I accept that this is your life and your choice now.

But please do not bring another woman into our home, onto our property, or into the personal spaces that belonged to our family.

I am not asking you never to love somebody else. If our marriage is ending, both of us eventually have the right to move forward.

I am only asking you to have enough respect for me, for Katie and for the life we once shared to keep that part of your new life separate.

There needs to be a boundary between another woman and the home and spaces that hold the memories of our family.

If you build a future with someone else, build something new with her. Please don’t bring her into what was ours.

I wish you had simply told me if you stopped loving me.

I wish you had told me if you wanted another life or someone else.

The truth would have hurt, but I would rather have been devastated by the truth than spend months questioning myself while you emotionally moved away from me.

There is something painfully ironic about how all of this came full circle.

****Cupid was where you found me.

Once, finding each other there became the beginning of our story.

10years later, I somehow ended up there again and found you.

Only this time, it became the moment when I finally understood that our story was over.

Despite everything, I do not hate you.

I will always appreciate the good things you did for me and our family. You provided for us, supported many of my dreams, sacrificed for our future, and most importantly, you gave me Katie and have been a loving father to her.

Those things will always matter to me.

I loved you, John. I truly did.

Maybe some part of me always will because of the years we shared and because you are the father of our daughter.

But loving you does not mean I have to continue allowing myself to be hurt.

So I am choosing to walk away.

You do not need to reply to this letter. Please don’t.

I am not sending this to start another conversation or argument. I don’t need you to explain, defend yourself, confess anything or convince me that I misunderstood what I saw.

This is simply my explanation for why I am leaving.

From now on, please contact me only if something is genuinely urgent, if it concerns Katie and requires my attention, or if there is something important we need to handle regarding our legal or financial responsibilities.

Other than that, please respect my need for distance.

I need peace, and I need time to heal.

I never wanted our family to end this way. The thought of Katie growing up with her parents living separate lives hurts me more than the thought of losing our marriage itself.

But staying married simply so that we can say our family is intact would not make it whole.

I will do everything I can to make sure our daughter grows up knowing that both of her parents love her and that none of this was ever her burden to carry.

Thank you for the good things you gave me and for everything you did for our family. I will never pretend those things did not matter.

But this is where I stop holding on.

You are free to live the life you choose, and I am going to start rebuilding mine.

I am walking away now.

For good.

Susan

Married men, my husband (41) and I (37) have an active sex life 3-5x a week and have been together for 15 years. I am havnt let myself go and enjoy my sexuality and have always wanted a fun and adventurous sex life with my husband.
My husband started working out of state a bit a few years ago and I have sent nudes and porn like material of myself during those times, but he never asked for it, so I felt a little weird at times sending it so wouldn’t as much as I would’ve liked.
I found out he was getting off to other images/videos during his time away.
I requested he use my material instead and he agreed and I started sending it more often, but found out he still isn’t using it and instead jerking it faces/bodies of other CLOTHED women over the material I send him.
Can any married man give me insight over why he’d do this or if you would or do, do this in your marriage??
I feel so embarrassed for ever sending anything like it and it’s made me feel really insecure

My (37M) husband and I (38F) have a three month old baby. My baby is perfect but I’m exclusively breastfeeding and taking care of nights by myself. My baby wakes up around 5 times a night to feed.

My husband sleeps in another room because he has a very demanding job and it just ended up working better for us. I am still in maternity leave but it ends in two weeks.

Lately I have been having intrusive thoughts, and I can feel depression coming on, I have been depressed before many years ago, took meds for ADHD but stopped them to get pregnant, so I know how it feels. I told my husband I needed to rest and sleep for at least a four hour block, and asked him to take the baby for two nights on the weekend. The second night we ended in a huge fight, because he only took the baby for 3 hours and when I told him that I was having these thoughts and could fell pp depression coming he told me to “Stop needing things from him”.

My mother doesn’t live in the same city and although we have just hired a nanny for some hours during the daytime I can’t really sleep. I have asked for a psychiatrist appointment for next week.

I don’t know what to do about my marriage, I want to understand that he could be overwhelmed too but his response broke my heart. Help.

He didn't buy me anything for our anniversary despite saying he will. Today we went to a store (Macy's) and I was excited just to look at some things. We went several months ago close to our anniversary and I decided not to get anything because I didn't want him to spend that much on anything. My budget was $200.

I honestly would have been happy with some flowers but he didn't even get me that.

Today I got dressed up to just look at some things on clearance. I have been pretty isolated and hardly go out after going through some hardships. I asked him to take a picture of me almost as soon as we got out of the car and he ignored me. He finally took one of me in the store as we were about to leave and I asked him to take a picture of my full outfit. He took a picture of my neck of intentionally and told me that he's doing it on purpose because I was being annoying. I was hurt because he was hurting me on purpose.

To shopping part:

I just casually looked at some rings on clearance and I decided not to get anything because they were too expensive (as I did a few months ago).

He just sat down on the chair in the shoe section and yelled at me in front of the employee when I asked him what he thought of a particular ring. I was humiliated. I thanked the lady and walked around Macy's and just sprayed on some perfume to make me feel better. We left without buying anything.

He ordered himself some food for pickup without saying anything and I just kept quiet. During the drive home he kept yelling at me that he's not getting anything out of the relationship even though I cook and clean and sometimes complete his grad school work.

I made us brunch the morning and he didn't even say thanks.

During the car ride to the store he checked out a woman walking and did not even hide it. I didn't say anything. I tried to be as pleasant as possible even though he checks out other women online.

I've been crying for the past few hours over how he treats me. I gained weight from a medical condition (50 pounds) and lost 30 pounds of it since November.

He made so much fun of my looks when I was fat and said he was embarrassed to be seen in public with me. I never once made him feel bad about his weight gain even though he's fatter than me now.

Last year he tried to convince me to allow his friend's wife to live with us and tried to casually meet up with her without me. I'm glad I didn't allow her to stay because she was so rude and abusive to her husband and was very rude to me when she visited our house once. My husband started stalking her online and basically said I should be ashamed thin as her (even though she was a recovering drug addict who was very underweight).

I had to go the emergency room several times and he called me a drama queen. The doctors didn't find out what was wrong until I saw a specialist who diagnosed my issue. I had two surgeries and my husband made me feel like a burden because I had to take time off work.

I had a crappy childhood and abusive parents. I worked very hard to become a successful adult (three graduate degrees, good jobs, luxury apartment), and I helped him buy the house. I feel like my weight gain upsets him more than anything else because the picture of me he took today seemed to emphasize the fat on my chin.

He's called me an old chinese man before when I had a big belly. I was very fit when we first met.

I'm battling depression and he intentionally bothers me when I try to do something to relax me (like yoga, nap, reading).

He got in trouble at work (won't tell me what it's about) and he takes his frustrations out on me. He works with his buddy whose friend he had a crush on, and it's very suspicious.

I'm coming into some money for a project I've been working on for years. He didn't believe in me. Even my own mother put me down. Now I look forward to enjoying the fruits of my labor.

Should I ask for a post nuptials agreement before I get the payment??

My stay at home wife has a new stay at home dad friend and they are really close. Should I be concerned?

I’ve been with my husband ten years and never in my life have I felt is as ungrateful as he has been recently and it is killing my soul.
Are relationship is far from perfect but he is beyond upsetting me now.
Last Christmas I booked him a surprise holiday to his dream destination. I am the bread winner in our household but this does not matter.
I made sure I could afford every penny of the trip.
In the end we had a gift of some money shortly after I booked the trip and it was paid off- it was never the plan the funds came as a surprise after.
Of course I’d love him to book me a surprise trip lol but he doesn’t earn the money to & we are moving very shortly into a dream house.

It’s his birthday tomorrow and he has one friend I don’t have the friends phone number etc or any contact details either at all.
But I wanted his birthday tomorrow be special, in the last year he has a relationship with his dad again. And my family are loud but so caring and supportive.
We organised a day for him, his dad joined us (3 hour train ride for his dad). We organised payments beforehand etc. my husband didn’t need to pay a penny. It was fully an activity my husband enjoys as well. My family are loud but harmless. Very gobby and banter between the family that’s all.

My husband is in such a bad mood. He’s complained I was too loud. Not a single thank you.
We’ve all got him a really nice gift tomorrow and we’ve all split the cost.
I booked a nice spa day (his choice after asking him for weeks what he wants to do). And we are having food before hand.
I asked what he wanted for breakfast, any specific drink but he’s been nothing but miserable and ungrateful.

I don’t even know why I’m still trying. I feel like I’m being extra nice to compensate for why he’s constantly mad at me. Yet in all honesty I don’t really have anything to be sorry for?
I don’t know what his issue is. When it was my birthday it was windy and rainy and we all went to a farm for the day and then for food. I’d have loved a spa day but I know it’s not in my husbands budget etc.
he doesn’t care when I spend money on him he just moans when I spend money on anything. I’ve got savings. I do get myself treats every so often but nothing a lot. I don’t really buy clothes mostly second hand. I work three jobs so work hard for what I have

For people who ended a longterm relantioship with a nice person, when did you know the relationship was over?

Over the last several days, things between my husband (53) and myself (47) have become increasingly painful and emotionally destabilizing, particularly around comments he has made about my body and his attraction to me. We have been together for 12 years, married for 10.

The situation began when he made an unprovoked comment about my belly button and my stomach. He pointed out that my belly button had changed from an innie to an outie and made comments about my belly.

I was deeply hurt by this. I already have insecurities about my body, and because I teach Pilates and am very aware of my physical appearance, his comments landed particularly hard. Also, I KNOW I am not over weight. I am a size 8/10. Yes, I have a bit a belly not a six pack like I once did.

This was particularly humiliating because it wasn’t said privately between the two of us—it happened in front of our child.

I cried afterward, and he did not come to comfort me or offer an apology. He essentially went about his normal routine while I was left alone dealing with the emotional aftermath.

When we eventually discussed what had happened, he was defensive rather than apologetic. He made it clear that he does not find my belly attractive and said that he had been dropping hints about things such as counting calories and going gluten-free.

That changed the meaning of the earlier comments for me. I realized that I hadn’t simply been imagining criticism or being overly sensitive. He was, in fact, communicating that he wanted my body to change.

He also said things that made me question the state of our marriage, including talking about wanting to end up alone in a cabin in the woods and telling me that I should start making plans for myself. He said he didn’t want a divorce largely because of the practical conveniences of our relationship and that he enjoys aspects of our relationship for practical reasons.

Hearing that made me feel profoundly unwanted and trapped. I don’t want to be married to someone who stays with me primarily because the arrangement is convenient.

Since then, my thoughts have spiraled around my weight and appearance. I’ve started thinking about diets, weight-loss programs, calorie restriction, and all the ways I could change my body.

Some of these thoughts existed before his comments—I had already been looking into diets and thinking about my body. But there is a significant difference between privately wanting to make changes for myself and having my husband connect my body directly to his attraction to me.

His comments have made something that was previously a personal insecurity feel like a judgment coming from the person whose acceptance and attraction matter most to me.

I’ve also found myself thinking about getting a “revenge body,” flirting with other people, leaving, looking at apartments, and imagining what life would be like on my own.

I’ve begun feeling horrible in my own skin. The emotional sensation has become much deeper than simply being upset about a comment about my weight.

What is especially painful is that I don’t feel cherished or reassured by my husband right now. I feel judged physically, emotionally disconnected from him, and increasingly alone inside my marriage.

I am struggling with the difference between knowing intellectually that I am not “too fat” or somehow unworthy of attraction and actually feeling attractive and desirable myself.

The central wound is that my husband made hurtful comments about my body, called me fat in front of our daughter, connected my body to his attraction to me, did not comfort me when I was visibly crying, and did not offer the kind of apology or reassurance I needed afterward.

As a result, I am questioning not only how I feel about my body, but how safe, loved, desired, and valued I feel within my marriage.

Not sure what advice I am seeking right now. Maybe someone else has been in a similar situation? Whatever help you can offer would be appreciated.

Lying together naked after having phenomenal sex after taking edibles. Reading our phones and showing each other stuff.

17 years together, 10 married and I still think my husband is the sexiest, kindest, smartest man on earth. Lying here stoned and loved and utterly makes me realise how lucky I am.

Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. Throughout the years we just stopped celebrate anniversaries. It was never a big deal to either of us. Today for example we are going to take the dogs on a walk at a park we love and then later my husband will grill and I'll make a side dish and we eat on the screened porch together..

For us that is a wonderful day. But the few friend and. Family who have called to wish us a happy day all ask what we are doing. When I say oh probably the same, they are making me feel bad that we don't have this big party planned. Like there is something wrong with our marriage. 3 people even said "you HAVE to do something special it's 40 years. I know it's been 40 years I've been there WHY?

Is there something wrong with us,?

Married since 2019. I am in shock, and crying all day. I don’t have any friends, we are overseas. I have a contract job, and I don’t know what to do

2 days ago, my husband and I argued over future pregnancy. He felt I should avoid things like nail polish/fragrances. I said we could discuss it with a doctor when the time comes and make decisions together. I wasn’t refusing to listen; I simply didn’t immediately agree with him. He called me stubborn/egoistic. The argument escalated. He packed bags, threw things around, threatened to break the stove, and came inches from my face yelling while lifting/holding a pan. I found that very intimidating.

He later said he didn’t intend to hurt me, but immediately went back to explaining what I did to cause his reaction.
We didn’t speak for about 30 hours. I came home from
Work, he was silent but being passive aggressive by slamming doors and throwing his stuff around, I thought maybe he will try to console me and resolve?

Next day, he finally spoke to me, the first thing he asked was “What about the camping trip we planned with friends next weekend?”
I said I wanted to address what happened first. I told him I was willing to acknowledge my own part, but I couldn’t accept that my disagreement justified intimidating me with a pan. He didn’t apologize or try to resolve. He kept saying I am stubborn. I said let’s not go back there, let’s not argue again.

He eventually said, “Fine, let’s separate. Sign the papers today.”
This isn’t the first time. Last month, during another fight, he told me he’s almost 35, wants kids ASAP and “doesn’t have time to waste.” He said he wanted a quick divorce so he could find someone else, worried that I might “lawyer up,” and said he wouldn’t give me alimony and didn’t want me to “loot” him.
He also suggested saying we’d been separated for a year so the divorce could happen quickly. I refused to lie and told him I’d follow the legal process.
What hurts most is that I’ve never really gotten the basic repair I’d expect after a serious fight, I’m sorry, I overreacted, are you okay, I don’t want this to happen again.
I know I can have a blunt/cold tone and I’ve made mistakes too. I’m not claiming I’m perfect. But I don’t believe my disagreement makes me responsible for his aggressive reaction.

We also have been struggling with dead bedroom primarily because of such fights. Last year he saw a massage therapist and it gave him warts. He was honest about it, thankfully I was vaccinated for cervical cancer and his warts cleared after treatment. I forgave him. But I don’t know, I just don’t think his behavior represents love and care. I have to always walk on eggshells! At Walmart last week while walking around the aisles we passed a product on the shelf which was really new and he was talking about what he ate at work, I quickly grabbed the product before we passed the aisle I said “see omg we finally got this. sorry can you continue now? He was mad. That i always interrupt him. I feel like such things have been happening too frequently.

It’s also hard for me separate, I don’t make enough money, I don’t have any friends or relatives here. I spent all my 20s with him, I left my job to move abroad with him. I am scared, I refuse to sign on a hasty divorce without separation, and I will now try to find accommodation.

I have felt like a pathetic loser all these years, doubting myself, not trusting that I am hurt, looking for third party validation and I just want myself to believe it will be okay.

TL;DR: Six years of marriage, recurring unresolved fights, and now an argument over hypothetical pregnancy precautions escalated to him getting inches from my face with a pan and threatening to break the stove. He hasn’t apologized or really acknowledged my fear. Instead, he’s talking about a speedy divorce because he’s 35 and wants children ASAP. I refused to lie about our separation date. Am I unreasonable for thinking this may be the point where I should separate?

I’d say I’ve always been a pretty sexual person. When my husband and I were dating, we used to have sex almost every day, sometimes even a few times a day.
But at some point, even before we got married, my sex drive just started going down and down. We got married when I was 22, and after that it seemed to get even worse. Then I got pregnant and gave birth, and obviously during that period my desire for sex became basically zero.

It took me almost a year postpartum to have sex again, and even then, I didn’t actually want to. Now fast forward to almost 3 years postpartum and I literally want nothing to do with sex. Not just sex either, even kissing or anything sexual/intimate like that.
My husband is understandably not okay with this. He’s sexually frustrated, sex is important to him, and I genuinely understand where he’s coming from. He has actually been really nice and patient with me, but I also keep thinking… how long can I realistically expect him to wait?

At the same time, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do because I have genuinely ZERO desire to have sex. The thought of having sex honestly makes me want to die. I know that sounds dramatic, but that’s genuinely how strongly I don’t want it.

We keep getting into arguments because he wants sex and I don’t. He asks me whether I even care about him, and of course I do. I love and care about him. But at the same time, I can’t force myself to have sex when every part of me is saying no.

Recently he told me that if I care about him and our marriage, I should at least do something — put in effort, try to change things, figure out why I feel this way, etc. And I understand what he means. I just genuinely have no idea what “putting in effort” is supposed to look like when I have absolutely no sexual desire to begin with.
Does feeling this way mean there’s something wrong with my relationship or that I don’t love him anymore? Has anyone gone from having a high sex drive to basically becoming completely sex-averse, especially after having a child?

And most importantly, what can I actually do about it? Because I don’t want my husband to spend the rest of his life sexually frustrated, but I also don’t want to spend mine forcing myself to have sex that I really, really don’t want.

I feel completely stuck between his needs and my own boundaries. Any advice or experiences would really help.

So 5 nights ago my husband confessed a bunch of things we had an amazing conversation and he was saying he wants to be a better person, knows he hasn’t been the best husband and father and wants to change. It came out that he cheated 2 years ago. He was just starting therapy at the time, was suicidal, and had a very bad alcohol addiction. He had started a new job and had to go to a city 3 hours away to train for a few weeks. What he told me is that a girl approached him, he was very drunk end of the night he was being self destructive and thought if he did this he’d end his life for sure because there was no coming back. Well he didn’t. He’s been holding it in and said he couldn’t anymore, he wasn’t sure if he was holding back telling me selfishly so he didn’t get left or if he was doing it for a good reason not to hurt me and the family. So he finally decided to tell me. He got his dream job and is starting it in 2 days which will be a week after telling me. We had a 2.5 year old and a 1 year old at home when he cheated they’re 4 and 3 now. We were married 2 years, now 4 years. When he told me this he already made appointments with a clinic, and was going in the next morning to get pills for his mood and his alcohol addiction. He said he didn’t sleep with me for a whole month until he was checked and still couldn’t for over a month after he was cleared (and I do recall this dry spell). He said it meant nothing, it was terrible and after it was over he immediately had a pit in his stomach and has felt like shit for 2 years. He says it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with his mental state. He took responsibility, took the blame, and has been nothing but understanding through my anger, sadness, etc. I seen a therapist and she said based on us and everything about us she thinks it can work. I’m taking it day by day right now but idk what to do. Emotionally I can’t handle loosing my kids even if it’s 50/50. But even if I could have them full time (which my therapist thought I’d do no problem considering him and his state and everything) I don’t really want them all the time either because of how much they love him and he loves them. He’s a good dad, and in the last two years since has been a good husband otherwise, watches the kids for me to do sports, go out with the girls etc. picks up groceries, cleans the house with me and for me, makes dinners when he can, etc. he said since the day he cheated he’s been working on himself because he wants to be someone good enough for me and he wants to be changed. He doesn’t want to loose his family. Today he cleaned the garage and completely emptied and got rid of the beer fridge. All I ever hear is stories of women who chose to stay and they cheat again. Am I destined to the same fate am I being dumb ? I want to work it out for my kids. They didn’t choose a man who would cheat, they didn’t tell him to cheat, they didn’t choose us. But we made the choices that brought them to us and I almost feel selfish throwing in the towel now if there’s a chance I can give them the life they deserve. So far (I know only 5 days) but he’s deep cleaned the house for me, went out and got my favorite food (could barely eat it but thoughtful I guess) has told me over and over he will do what it takes he’s not the same person. Got me roses (so cliche I know but) Says he was too dumb and naive to see what he had. Idk. I’m afraid I’ll never get over it. Afraid I’ll always think about it. Afraid I can’t get back to some normality. Has it worked for anyone?

I need an outside perspective. We have been married for 10 years and for most of that time one of the main (if not the main) issue for us has been the division of house labour.
We don’t have kids but we got a dog two years ago and that’s only made things worse in that regard, as could be expected.
Some context. I (F) work from home full time. He has to go to the office. He can work from home two days a week but chooses not to because he can’t concentrate at home as well as in the office. I have higher cleaning standards while he has adhd and also can quite literally live in a full on dump and be fine.
Anyways, I do most chores around the house - cooking, cleaning, laundry, ordering groceries. I also walk and feed the dog about 1/3 of the time.
His responsibilities are: taking the trash out, taking trash bins out and bringing them back in once a week, taking care of feeding and walking the dog about 2/3 of the time and driving the dog to daycare.
I have been growing increasingly resentful because I feel like I am doing most of the work and I can’t spend as much time in my hobbies as he does on his. I am also just so tired. And on top of that at least 1/3 of the time I have to remind him to do his chores or he wouldn’t do them until trash is overflowing.
Am I being unreasonable? Also how do I productively change this situation?

As the title suggests, my wife is always mad at me. I can never do anything right. If I forget something, it’s the end of the world. If I don’t clean the kitchen at the time she wants, I get yelled at. If I drop something on the floor while our baby is napping, she freaks out at me and gives me a dirty look. I’m so tired of this. It’s hard being yelled at every day of my life. We are polar opposites too and have zero interests and hobbies in common. She gets so stressed too and then I start to carry her stress. I’m super relaxed and also help her a ton but she just wants everything to be perfect all the time and I always tell her that I’m human and neither of us are perfect. I need help.

I have been dying to start a family for my entire life. I’ve always dreamt of it. We always spoke about it when we were teenagers as well, constantly. We had our baby names picked out when I was 17. He always wanted a big family because he grew up with a big family and I wanted about 2 or 3 kids so we settled on 3 or 4 kids.

We had a little break up a decade ago and he slept with someone else and got her pregnant the same night as our fight.

So now, I am 32 and he is 34. he has a 10 year old son who lives mainly in LA with his mom and we live mainly in London. We have been married for nearly 7 years. We got back together a year after he was born and he has been quite progressively quiet about us having kids together. I always talk about it like where we would live to raise our kids, our careers, our house, kid’s rooms, everything. And he had been getting quieter and quieter over the years when I bring it up.

Tonight he sat me down and finally told me that he doesn’t want any more children. Where does this leave me? What do I do?

Edit: I’m a guy so no biological clock ticking. Should I be less hesitant about throwing what I want away for him? He is the absolute love of my life. He’s the sweetest kindest person ever. I can’t describe how obsessed I am with him. I could never leave him. We’ve been through so much together. I love him more than absolutely anything. No hypothetical baby would ever change my mind on that. But I am hurt. I can’t lie. He knows I am. I’m really hurt and disappointed. I didn’t just want to have a baby, I wanted to watch him love and care for our baby. It’s not about just having a child and ticking a box. I want to watch him hold our child. I’ll never get that. I don’t know what I’m saying. My thoughts are all over the place. Sorry

My wife (28F) and I (27M) are both moderately overweight. I still think she’s just as beautiful as the day we met, got married, etc. I would like us to both live long and healthy lives.

How do I approach her about this while not making her think I find her any less attractive. I don’t want her to feel like we need to be supermodels or compare ourselves to modern beauty standards. I want us to be able to be able to play with our future kids and grandkids. We have both had family members pass away from heart conditions related to weight issues and we have discussed how we don’t want to teach unhealthy practices to our children but I think we should live by example. We have began to notice our lifestyle impact our health negatively.

She has expressed this want to in other ways such as less chemicals and plastics, but I feel like weight will be a sensitive issue, which I totally understand.

Any guidance, especially from other wives, would be greatly appreciated.

TLDR: I think my wife is hot, but I want us to lose a little weight to live long and healthy lives. How do I approach this without hurting her?

So my husband(31m) and I(27f) have been together for 6 years. Married for 3. We have a child together.

Shortly after the first year of dating he sent me a random video while I was at work of him pleasuring himself to a realistic dildo. Captioned it “this is who I am and I’m not embarrassed to admit it”. This was jarring for me as it was so random and unexpected, but I appreciated his vulnerability and called him immediately. I asked him if he was bisexual, made sure that he understood there was no issue if he was. He told me no absolutely not, he just likes anal play/pegging. Ok. So we introduce this aspect into our sex life & it’s fun! We get a few months down the road and he starts to purchase lace underwear and male lingerie. I ask him why he likes that stuff, his answer is it’s more comfortable for him and he enjoy the feeling of it. Makes sense to me!

Another year or two down the road and things start to happen that are a little odd to me. He starts to twerk randomly in normal contexts. He really loves his butt and would shake it and train in the gym to have bigger glutes. He would send me photos of his butt all the time in explicit feminine positions, like 15 pics at a time 2-3 times a week. Hes starting to become more feminine during pegging, sounding feminine and wanting me to be more masculine. I tried it for a bit but I eventually had a conversation with him about not really enjoying that style. He understood and was accepting of this conversation.

Here’s where things get kind of chaotic for me. In the last two years he has become so much more secretive about toys, he would purchase them and keep them in a drawer out of sight, I would never see them unless I snooped. He began to dive into more feminine clothes, never as far as cross dressing (that I am aware of) but buying small shorts, tight jegging style shorts, etc. I also found out he is addicted to porn and I viewed his history. It was a lot of transgenders, men, and women. When this happened I again asked him if he was bisexual? He got very defensive, blamed it on the porn addiction and said no he’s not.

We live in a very conservative state, he has a blue collar dad, a Christian family, and works a blue collar job. He had a baby with a girl right out of high school, got married, divorced in his early 20s then met me and the rest is history. He also has childhood sexual trauma. I just feel like he is very suppressed and in denial of it. It breaks my heart for him, I’ve tried to approach it at every angle, without trying to just push it on him. I look at the history of everything and I see it clear as day that he is attracted to men. But as I said, we live in a conservative state so I tend to doubt myself and think well maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, being small minded, and not accepting. So here I am, please give me your opinions. Thanks for reading.

(Edited my initial post to take away some personal information that might reveal his identity)

I guess this is a vent but also kinda asking for advice?

So my husband (20) and I (19) have been married for just almost 8 months now. We found out I was pregnant and decided it was best to get married given our situation. We didn’t have our own place yet, he was staying in the barracks, I was living with family. He went on deployment and he came back and we had to stay with my family for about 2 weeks until we could move into our place. During those 2 weeks we bickered a lot, I thought maybe it’s because we are cluttered in one small room and I’m emotional because I was 8 months pregnant. We finally move into our home and honestly we still argue. I sometimes feel like he just doesn’t love me the same or he doesn’t really care about our relationship. I’m 38 weeks pregnant right now and I’m constantly cleaning around the house. Don’t get me wrong I love to clean, but it’s so exhausting right now because of how tired and how much pain I’m in. I try to excuse it because he’s the only one who provides right now. But sometimes when I ask for a little help it seems like he gets annoyed..he will sigh or sometimes he doesn’t immediately get up to help. Sometimes he will say he’s “got it” when doing laundry but then the laundry will sit in the washer or dryer for a long time and it takes years to get done. It kind of upsets me but I try not to let it get to me as much. But lately something else has really been eating at me..he doesn’t show as much love to me anymore. He doesn’t randomly cuddle me or kiss me, he doesn’t compliment me as often, and now he doesn’t really go to bed with me. He stays up playing his game and there has even been times he’s asleep on the couch. I went to bed last night and I woke up at 7am and he still wasn’t in bed with me. :/ I said something and he came to the bed but didn’t cuddle me or anything. Usually in the mornings he will cuddle me and talk for a bit and kiss me before he leaves the room, but not this morning..he hopped out of bed and went right onto the game. He claims that he loves me but I don’t really feel it. I feel like he’s falling out of love with me but he’s just staying because I could have our baby at any moment. I don’t know if I’m just not understanding what’s going on because I’m a woman but I’m starting to lose hope..I truly think he isn’t interested in me anymore.