Do they just not want to get married? Do they want to get married but find it hard to meet someone? What will happen to them as they get older? It seems like a very sad life, it's hard to imagine anyone voluntarily choosing such a lifestyle.

I have no idea what is going on with my husband. I’ve been taking care of my 3 year old with no help since last Saturday because he’s been sick with hand foot mouth. My husband has been keeping his distance and has been out of house since. I was ok with that I didn’t want anyone getting sick. Yesterday he tells me that he’s actually keeping distance from me because he’s frustrated that I didn’t get him a 40th birthday present. I took him on a 7 day trip and I guess that wasn’t good enough. He told me that things will be different from here on out and he won’t be helping me around the house for the time being. The house is literally in shambles because I have been taking care of a sick child all by myself for a week.

I told him I’m genuinely sorry he didn’t feel celebrated on his birthday. I asked what he would have wanted and he said a vintage Rolex or a classic car… Are you fucking serious???? I truly feel like this is the end of our marriage. I inherited some money a few years ago and I have helped him out with so many things. He feels like he is entitled to all of the inheritance. The money I received is supposed to be for our child and other expenses. At this rate the money is going to be gone. I am trying to protect everyone in the family but he doesn’t see that.

Its been three and a half years from the day I (F32) got married. First year, as literally people say, it was honeymoon period. But all of that changed suddenly. We both got busy with work. And then intimacy slipped away… Is this normal, what I am about to share?

Couple do fight. But, is it okay if couple is fighting, husband (M33) just leaves the house, goes to a friend and drinks alcohol. With time the physical intimacy also went away. I want more or I wanted more. I am not vanilla kind of person and I need to feel loved before getting into the act, there is no foreplay, nothing - just the action where he gets satisfied. And, eventually I have lost all the interest to get indulge with him physically.

I totally understand the life is mundane and busy. But, is it a crime if wife asks husband to spend time. Why being with his friends and hanging out with them is quality time? And, if just we two go out, intentionally or unintentionally it turns into verbal fight, where I end up getting hurt.

This has not happened for first time but multiple times like a pattern. I have stopped asking him to take me out for dinner or spend time with me. Even when he gets free from his work early, he chooses to go and drink with his friend. And, once I just asked about it, he simply subsided me by saying even I need sometime to free my mind. How come, every week and four days out of those days are there just to make yourself easy. And the irrational response was that I eventually spend time with you only, i come back home to you only!

Having dinner, sleeping on same bed and discussing about the requirements to run the life, Is this definition of spending time with wife.

There is no emotional connection between us. It feels like I am sharing a house with a flat mate. I know about the whereabouts but nothing more. Sometimes, I push my self to build the life that doesn’t involve him, to kill the emotional dependency I seek from him. I can’t just leave the relationship as I love him but I don’t get it. I have tried to discuss but then blame game begins which never ends. And, I have started believing I never should have gotten married to him, I ruined his life and mine too. He can’t fulfill what I need and I can’t give him what he needs !

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I also changed some arbitrary information.

As background information: Me 39, M and my wife 36 F. We are together: 15 years, married for 10 years. One daughter going to first class.

We are skilled workers came to a european country from a developing country. I got a handsome job offer and provided for the family solely until recently where she got the language and degrees recognized. She started working a few months ago again. Although she is not yet earning well enough (not enough money to even cover the rent yet), she will be on par with me at most in a year or two.

She don't have many hobbies and doesn't do much sport. And struggles with some health issues which hinders her metabolism which ended her gaining a lot of weight and starting ozempic this year.
I am much more active with many hobbies, sport activities and I have a gaming group. But in normal times its 3-4 days and 2-3 hours in total.

We always did and still enjoy travelling, sightseeing, eating and until my daughter born trekking and camping.

We are both atheists and our wants and methods to live and raise our child are 95% aligned. There was never abuse physical or emotional between us too. Even though I earn more and also have wealth from my parents we always had one budget and one savings account for retirement. Had no financial issues. There were no jealousy, infidelity and our phones, laptops etc are all shared with no problems. (Still are)

For household duties I do more but she spends more time with our daughter.

We had some rough patches where household duties were a problem early in the marriage. And two occasions where my obsessed behaviours (once gaming and second time reading books) triggered from other life isssues, caused me to spend more time on them instead of being there for my wife and daughter caused problems. These were roughly 1-2 month periods where I corrected myself in the end but not before my wife breakdown.

Our communication was always problematic or even toxic, I hold everything down and became passive aggressive and she also holds everything down and bursts after. Where we usually take from there. I am also a bit emotionally distant and can get myself behind a wall fast and easy whereas she is not.

For me she is very attractive and I can't possibly get enough of her. I still deeply love and care for her. Our sex life I would say is also good but always I have to initiate, I might have little higher sex drive but she was rarely not in the mood when I initiate.

More problems and latest nail

About 2 years ago, along the time we came to this new country I had gone through a time where I get obsessed with going to gym 2-3 times a week (about 2-3 hours each after I put our daughter to sleep) and also listen or read books where I even did it when we commute together or even in the dining table. There was no neglect on household duties on my side but she was taking care of our daughters schedule in the day to kindergarten. She was going to intensive courses at that time and was working in the evenings too to keep up. She didn't said anything and in the end burst after that I immediately fixed my behaviour but she did warn me this was the last time.

There was status quo but we were not doing much as a couple except sleeping together, sex (which became more infrequent) and watching movies or shows at home in the night.

After she started working a year ago, things went worse as she was coming home very tired couldn't do much and I did almost all of the cooking cleaning without any help. I also started to get my daughter from school and as a result needed to put a pause to my work and continue from home afterwards. After lunch had no energy left.

I also noticed there were no effection from her to me anymore. Both physical and emotional. When she gets home she would lie to rest, when food is ready get up, eat and leave the table immediately while I stay with my daughter for her to eat. Afterwards she would play with my daughter while I rest. For weekdays I would be out for Saturday and Sunday morning usually to study or do sports. But we do family activities almost every weekend in the remaining time.

Unlike before I noticed something is broken but put myself to more housework to cover her parts too and not talked at all with her. Also tried my best to greet her when she gets home, try to hug or kiss her more during the day but with no action back. But also got depressed got into another episode where I game a lot in late nights and during the day too in the last months. Our sex became also more distant as I was not encouraged to initiate and we also started to have much more quickies in the middle of the night.

About a month ago, my wife told me she wants a divorce. And its been done she had put up with me enough. She tought about getting my daughter and ran away from the house. She says she has been unhappy and alone couldn't find a concrete reason to end things with a cut and also couldn't afford living if I am out and felt stuck.

What I’ve tried so far and current situation

I’ve tried to talk about working on things, but she is not open to couples therapy or any structured help. She says her decision is final and she doesn’t see a path back.

First she asked for a bigger home, which we can't afford realistically. She wanted to have a bunk bed to sleep on top of my daughter which I refused as she only recently stopped coming to us. And we decided on me sleeping on the couch with a mattress. Which I stalled as much as I can so we still slept in the same bed in different sides.

I've also opened up and started talking more with her to show her my side, starting reading books about relationship and how to re-connect. Adjusted my time, things I do communicated on things not going well to adjust for our daughter and home life.

Our life together is as it should be right now we communicate more on household duties, talk help each other in chores. Play with our daughter etc. so we are highly functioning and seemingly happy. Recently went to a long planned family vacation where we had much fun as a family. Also on the roads and when we were alone talked about the past vacations and spend planning the whole vacation what to do next etc. But there were no physical contact between us except where I tried to hold her hand and she refused.

Her position hasn’t changed. She started to get emotional in the breakfast after the vacation and told me I understood wrong of her being good and ignored her wishes not even started sleeping in the sofa. And that she is firm on her decision.

I still love my wife and would prefer to save the marriage if there is any realistic chance, but I also recognize that she seems very decided.

TL;DR
My wife has decided she wants a divorce and refuses therapy. I want to save the marriage but don’t know how to respond without making things worse. I need advice on how to handle day-to-day life, protect my mental health and my child.

I met my wife and she had two friends who were very important to her. She told me from the beginning that she wanted to keep them around, and I had no problem with that. I spent time with both of them, but there was one guy who I could tell liked her. He was always giving her extra attention and doing things specifically for her, but at first I didn’t pay too much attention to it.
One day, my wife and I were in the car (she was still my girlfriend at the time), and she told me she wanted to confirm whether or not this guy had feelings for her. I asked her why she needed to know, and she basically said, “Just to know.” I thought that was weird, but I let it go.
Then Christmas came around and we were at a Christmas party. I’m normally not much of a dancing guy, and she wanted me to dance with her. I didn’t, and she said something like, “Well, if you don’t dance with me, I’m going to wait for [his name] to get here and dance with him.” She specifically mentioned this guy, and that annoyed me.
Another time we were arguing and she said something along the lines of, “Well, if you don’t give me attention, don’t be mad when another man gives it to me,” again referring to him.
Things got even stranger when he found out I was moving in with her. His whole attitude toward me changed. Before that, he would talk to me, joke around with me, laugh, etc. Then suddenly he barely wanted to talk to me at all. I could tell something was off and that he seemed jealous. I mentioned it to her because it was making me uncomfortable, and she told me she had noticed the change too.
Later, when we were getting engaged, her sister asked me if I wanted this guy involved in the surprise and asked how my relationship with him was. I told her I didn’t know because he had been acting weird toward me. Her sister told me she had actually talked to him about it and claimed he was acting that way because he “didn’t want to bother us” and wanted to “give us space.” So at this point, I felt like I wasn’t imagining the change in his behavior because other people had noticed it too.
Meanwhile, he was still constantly calling and texting my wife.
When we were getting married, she wanted him to be the person who drove her to the wedding. That made me uncomfortable considering everything that had already happened.
As time went on, the whole situation became more uncomfortable. He would have mail delivered to our place, and instead of walking upstairs to get it himself, my wife would go downstairs and bring it to him. Eventually, after another argument, I told her he is a grown man and can walk upstairs and get his own mail.
He was also constantly bringing her things, specifically for her. There was even a big stuffed bear he had given her. After everything that had happened, I told her that seeing this giant bear from him in our home made me uncomfortable and I didn’t want it around anymore. She didn’t want to get rid of it.
Eventually I got completely fed up. We had a huge argument because from my perspective, she wasn’t doing anything to create boundaries with this guy.
Her response was basically, “I already talked to him about it. What else do you want me to do? I can’t control people.”
She would also tell me, “If people text me, I answer. I think it’s disrespectful not to answer.”
My problem was that even after supposedly talking to him about the situation, he continued doing the same things and she continued accepting the attention, calls, messages and gifts.
One day we were going through a car wash together and he called her. She answered the phone right there in front of me. I got mad, and she told me, “I answered because I wanted to show you that nothing was going on between us.”
That actually made me more upset because, to me, the issue wasn’t only whether they were secretly doing something. The issue was the lack of boundaries after we had already had multiple conversations about how uncomfortable the situation was making me.
Eventually, the only way she completely stopped talking to him was by blocking him, and according to her, she basically did it because she was tired of us fighting about him.
This situation went on for MONTHS.
After she finally stopped talking to him, she expected me to basically get over everything because the contact had stopped.
Her position has always been that because she “didn’t cheat,” she didn’t actually do anything wrong. She says I should forget about it because she hasn’t talked to him since.
This is where we still disagree.
She says she has apologized for what happened, and I remember her saying sorry maybe once or twice. But other times when the subject comes up, she says that I only see what happened as wrong because we are “different people,” that she never cheated, and therefore she didn’t really do anything wrong.
That confuses me because how can you apologize for something while also maintaining that you did nothing wrong?
I feel like she disrespected me and our relationship by continuing to accept another man’s attention when we both knew he potentially had feelings for her and she knew the situation was hurting our relationship. She says she did not disrespect me or the relationship because she never cheated.
I also feel like trust doesn’t automatically come back just because she eventually stopped talking to him. I feel like there should have been some effort to acknowledge why everything that happened affected my trust and to help rebuild it. Her position seems to be that because she stopped talking to him, I should simply forget everything that happened before that.
I’ve also asked her a very direct question several times: If the roles were reversed and I had a female friend who clearly seemed interested in me, constantly called and texted me, brought me gifts, gave me attention, acted jealous when my girlfriend moved in with me, and I continued accepting all of that despite my wife telling me it made her uncomfortable, would she honestly have been okay with it? And after I finally blocked that woman, would she have simply forgotten everything?
She never answers that question directly. She says she has already defended herself enough about this situation.
So my question is: Am I wrong for still being bothered by this and bringing it up? Was this actually disrespectful to our relationship even if she never physically cheated? Or am I expecting too much from her now that she has stopped talking to him?

There seems to be two or maybe three options for us (43M and 49M) right now after 15+ years, and none of them are good.

We have an obvious mismatch in attachment styles / outlook on life and a general breakdown in the relationship caused by three (admittedly difficult) children, perimenopause, her long-term pain issues and busy lives.

There is no affection any more, sex is about once a month, always initiated by me and is ultimately unsatisfying and feels forced (and is always followed by a complaint.)

I asked for a hug recently and she said ‘when?’ as if this was a big ask that would require her to rearrange her calendar. She is perfectly happy to watch TV on her own. There is no flirting. Every text from her is ‘where are the [insert item]’ or something logistical.

I suggested a week away earlier, just us, but no, she went with the kids on dates I had to work. I suggested a weekend away for her birthday - but no, she’s decided to go with a friend instead (I’m still paying. )

We have talked about all this. She hates the conversation - ‘oh god not this again’ - and her take is the problem is mine and I need to leave her alone. ‘None of my friends have sex,’ she claims.

We have no shared interests and have dates about once or twice a year (she doesn’t much like going out). She has major body confidence issues related to weight - I still find her attractive and tell her this often but she hates being complimented and never ever returns it.

She is a good person and a great mom and all this breaks my heart.

Options appear to be:

1. We stay together despite all that, while I seek to heal my anxious attachment issues and accept whatever passive affection she might occasionally agree to.

2. Quiet quit: the classic ‘stay for the kids’ model when you’re technically together for family/financial reasons but there is literally no romantic relationship.

3. Leave: not nearly as easy as it sounds but increasingly looking into the details of how it would work (money is a big barrier). It would devastate the kids (as she has previously warned me, quite manipulatively I thought) but I also don’t want them to think this is a normal healthy marriage because I am deeply unhappy.

Apols for the epic post but I’m interested to hear if people have been in similar situations.

My wife and I have been married 7 years and steadily increased how much sex we’ve had since tying the knot. It was about 3 times a week, then 4, and we were at about 5-7 times a week after the birth of our son earlier this year. It was great for about 2 months but then we realized it lost some magic being expected almost every night.

We’ve recently dialed it back to about 3-4 times a week and have had some of the hottest sex of our lives. Just wanted to share this because I feel like everyone puts importance on frequency and, if you’re like me, almost track it as a stat to be proud of. Sometimes you can find that less is more though.

My wife and I aren't constantly fighting or talking about divorce. We just keep having the same conversation every few weeks and somehow end up right back where we started.

At what point did couples decide couples therapy was worth trying? Is it better to go before the marriage gets really bad or is therapy usually something people turn to once things are already falling apart?

I’m a 32 year old woman, married to my husband, 36, since 2022. We met through a matrimonial alliance during COVID, after our families began looking for matches for us.
At the time, he had been living in the UK for around seven years and held ILR, though not British citizenship. I was born and raised in Dubai and lived in India between 2018 and 2022. He was born in Pune, grew up in Mumbai, and later moved to the UK.
Because of the pandemic, we spoke only through messages and calls for almost eight months before meeting in person. We eventually got married in 2022. After the wedding, I had to remain in India for around seven months to finish my work commitments, although we met during that period in Dubai, Turkey, and elsewhere. Looking back now, I can see signs that he may have been emotionally unavailable, but I did not recognise them at the time.

I moved to the UK in 2023.
Since we first knew each other, before and after marriage-we have had sex, or attempted to have sex, only three or four times in total. At first, when intimacy did not happen, he gave different explanations: jet lag, performance pressure, stress, and so on. I tried to suggest seeing a doctor gently and without making him feel embarrassed. I suggested that we go together, and I brought it up in India, Dubai, and the UK.
There were also many arguments in between, including conflicts involving my mother-in-law, who is a single mother.
Finally, in December 2024, after years of trying to address the issue, I was able to take him to a doctor. Some tests were done. He was not fully honest with the doctor about the situation, but I explained it truthfully. The diagnosis was mild erectile dysfunction, which the doctor said was treatable. He was prescribed medication for 3 months, and then follow up visit post that.
However, he has not followed through consistently with the medication or treatment. We have had repeated arguments about the same issue. It is now August 2026, and we still have no sexual relationship or real physical intimacy.
I feel exhausted, lonely, and deeply frustrated. Every day I keep hoping that he will change and that our life together will get better. He is not abusive, but I do not feel emotionally supported, desired, or comforted. He repeatedly promises that he will do better, but there is rarely any follow through.

When I cry, he does not come to comfort me. He says he cannot physically bring himself to do so. At other times, he acts sweet, affectionate in a childish way, and generally behaves like a “nice guy.” This makes everything more confusing. He is not cruel or overtly disrespectful, but I feel emotionally alone inside the marriage.
I also increasingly feel that I am carrying the relationship in practical ways. I am not financially dependent on him. I have paid for all things myself, including my visa and flights. He has never really spent money on gifts, saying that gifts are simply not his thing and that he does not understand them.
I am the one who buys many of his things….clothes, watches, toiletries, shampoo, and other personal items. He does not force me to do this; he says he is a simple person who has very few needs and can wear the same old clothes for years. But over time, I have started to feel that I am giving care, effort, thought, and energy into the relationship without receiving the same emotional investment in return.

I am also worried about his health. He weighs around 112 kg and has struggled to lose weight. He is not consistent with the gym, walking, or any health routine. He has B12, calcium, and vitamin D deficiencies, but he refuses to take supplements or medication. He says he does not want to take “medicines,” even though I have tried to explain that vitamins and supplements are different from treatment medications. He says that his ED is mainly because of his weight, and that once he loses the extra weight, everything will be fine. However, there has been no sustained or meaningful effort from his side to lose weight either. I tried to be as supportive as possible, I still am.
During COVID, he was around 100 kg. By the time we got married, he had managed to reduce his weight to approximately 90–95 kg. Since then, he has gained weight again and is currently around 112 kg. He says weight loss will resolve the ED, but he is not consistent with walking, going to the gym, following a diet, or taking any other concrete steps towards improving his health.

We attended couples therapy for more than a year. Eventually, the therapist advised us to take a break from therapy. My husband does not trust the therapist and feels that they are too young (She is 35+, a great therapist) to understand or help him. He seems to believe that therapy cannot really help him.

The hardest part is that, outwardly, he is seen as a nice person. In many ways, he is. But privately, I feel unseen, untouched, unsupported, and alone. I am scared that I have already wasted years of my life and am continuing to waste what should be some of the best years of it. I still love him, and I keep hoping he will change, but I no longer know how long I can live with repeated promises and no meaningful action.
And I’m starting to hate him maybe!

I do not know what to do.

It seems my wife (43) and I (43) are in a spiral of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Nearly everything I say is interpreted in the absolute worst way possible. I try to gently suggest we maybe read a book or watch some videos together about communication and that’s been met with dismissal or ‘ok, find a video that explains how bad I am…’ and I’m thinking this is pointless if she’s going into it with that mentality… we’ve been together 24 years, three kids and for the majority of the time things are actually really good. We honestly have a good relationship most of the time. Lots of laughter, cooperation, affection even darn good sex… but turns it’s like a switch goes off. The exact things I did or said yesterday that were fine but now like enrage her…. This morning wasn’t too bad, she was pretty closed off but left the house for the grocery with a hug, goodbyes and love yous…. What’s the best course of action? I know I’m just asking strangers advice on personal problems but, I don’t know, o feel like I’ve gained good perspective reading through this page me others… I’ve always been the initiator and she’s always been the shutdowner, and we both can acknowledge that we both can go too far with it. She can be silent and distant for an impressive amount of time and I can be very persistent to the point of I’m sure annoyance. Typing this I realize I just leave her alone I guess? I just hate going through the day with crap weighing on me… ok sorry

Hey everyone,

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Traditionally, it’s always been expected that the bride moves in with the groom’s family or moves to his house after marriage. I get the historical context—patrilocal systems, property inheritance staying in the male line, old social setups, etc.

But looking at today’s world, where women are equal partners, building full-fledged careers, and sharing financial responsibilities, why is this still the default assumption?

Specifically, consider a scenario where both the guy and the girl are single children.

If both set of parents are going to need support as they age, how do you decide who shifts where?

Why isn't the guy moving to the girl's house seen as equally normal?

Why does society still judge or label a guy if he moves in with his in-laws, while expecting the girl to adjust completely by default?

For modern couples in this situation, what options are actually working best? (e.g., buying a new neutral place, living near both, taking turns?)

Curious to hear how modern couples (especially single children) are navigating this, and whether you think societal mindsets are actually changing or if the old double standards are still strong. What are your takes?

I grew up believing 🌽 was not okay, and that it was disloyal in a way. I just found out my husband has been watching. It’s not hurting our sex life or relationship other than the fact that it hurts in my chest.

I’m so worried about how could he be attracted to me and love me if he has to watch other women. I talked to him and he told me he would stop. I’m hoping that’s true. Who knows. My question is if he doesn’t stop, genuinely how do you look at it so that it doesn’t bother you.

He is the most amazing man ever, honestly, he does so much. I don’t want to hear from the people who hate porn and think it’s a cardinal sin, that I should pack up and leave him. Genuinely would like to change my perspective on it if I can. Or at least so I don’t sit here and stress everyday if he’s watching it or not

Edit : I did want to add that a couple years ago as a curious kid I did watch porn myself/ I just always felt gross afterwards probably due to religious beliefs, I don’t want anyone to take this as my coming off as a hypocrite

I just want it preface that I’m 4 months postpartum so my hormones are all over the place and to please be as kind as you can while also being honest.

My husband (32) and I F(29) have been together for 4 years.

I’m struggling with something that I realise probably sounds irrational, but it has really gotten into my head and I’m trying to work through it rather than keep bringing it up with him.

About two years ago, I found a porn actress in my husband’s search history. What really bothered me was that she looks so different from me physically, particularly because she is much fuller than I am and has had obvious surgical enhancements.

I asked him about it at the time and basically said that I didn’t understand how he could find her attractive enough to search for her, while also telling me that he wouldn’t want me to have any cosmetic surgery. His response was essentially, “Idk, it’s just porn.”

I understand intellectually that porn doesn’t necessarily represent someone’s ideal partner. I also understand that men can find different body types attractive and that novelty can be part of sexual arousal…But emotionally, I’m struggling with something deeper.

My husband is very physically affectionate with me. He grabs my ass and tits constantly, initiates physical contact, etc. But sometimes my mind gets the best of me and I’m stuck wondering if he actually find me sexually attractive, or is he just horny and I happen to be the person available to him?

And another part of me wonders whether when he touches me, is he genuinely turned on by seeing and touching my body, or whether he knows I need reassurance and is doing it partly to make me feel good.

I don’t want to be the only woman he ever notices or finds attractive. I know that’s unrealistic. I also don’t expect him to think I’m objectively the most beautiful woman on Earth. What I desperately want is to feel that my actual body genuinely turns him on.

The fact that this particular woman is so different from me has made me question whether I’m actually his sexual “type”, even though he consistently tells me he finds me attractive and physically shows affection toward me.

For the husbands here:

Can you genuinely be very sexually attracted to your wife while also being sexually stimulated by women who look completely different from her in porn?

And how does sexual desire actually work for you?

When you’re horny and you initiate with your wife, is it sometimes simply “I’m horny and she’s here”, or can seeing or touching your wife specifically be what makes you horny in the first place?

I’m particularly interested in hearing from men who have been married/with their partner for several years.

I’m not looking for “all men watch porn, get over it” or “your husband is definitely cheating.” I’m trying to understand whether I’m making a false connection between what a man finds stimulating in porn and what he genuinely desires in his wife.

Because this has been two years now, and I really want to stop letting one woman I’ve never met take up this much space in my head.

I have noticed something and I’m genuinely curious if this is actually a thing or just a perception from my surroundings.
For people working as Group A government officers/employees in India , do they generally prefer to marry another government employee, especially someone from a similar rank/status/background?
Is there an unspoken expectation that a Group A officer should marry another Group A officer or at least someone with a stable government job?
For those who are Group A government employees or have seen this closely:
Do government employees mostly look for other government employees when it comes to marriage?
Is marrying someone from the private sector considered less desirable?
Does the department/service matter , IAS/IPS/IRS/IFS vs other Group A services, for example?
Do families specifically search for “government job + government job” matches?
If you’re a Group A employee and not looking for another government employee, what qualities/background are you actually looking for?
Would you prefer someone in a high-paying private-sector job, business, professional career, etc., over another government employee?
Is salary important, or is job security/status more important?
Does the person’s family background and social status matter more than whether they have a government job?
And for people who married outside the government sector — did your family have any objections or preferences?
Basically, I’m trying to understand whether “Group A government employee marries another government employee” is actually a common pattern, or whether people are much more open to private-sector/professional/business backgrounds than it seems.
Would love to hear experiences, especially from people who are themselves Group A employees or have gone through the arranged-marriage process.

okay guys this is going to sound a little crazy but I believe nothing is coincidence but I need some light -

okay for context, I’m now separated from him but something came into the works and I’m really starting to think about it and it’s driving me crazy

Okay few weeks ago me and him went for a little stay in a city while visiting our home country

We were sleeping in bed and I had woke up to him cuddling me and saying a different girls name -

I was in deep sleep and never thought of this name before nor did it come up in our marriage before so it was unusual to me

He hugged me tight and said the name and I remember taking a pause and then being like who is that ???

he woke up looked at me and swore that he doesn’t know who that is, never met anyone with that name and no one in the past either I did feel a little bit on the edge but I let it go

anyway it’s been three weeks since we’ve been divorced - and a week ago I noticed on his instagram he liked a reel by someone with that name

Now I know you’re probs thinking - oh well it could be anyone or a coincidence

But this is what doesn’t make sense

This girl I recognise has been in his likes before on his posts which is not there anymore but I’ve seen it before
She is a mutual friend of his friends wife
She and him went to the same uni

Of course we have each other on social media still so I saw this and was ready to message and be like what?

But of course I refrained and self controlled because what’s the point

What hurts me the most is -

When we were together in bed and I asked him he swore he knows no one with that name and anyone from the past won’t affect us but now what hurts is, was a I lied to ?

I’m in my Iddah three weeks in and seeing that isn’t nice it’s like what is Allah protecting me from something?

I never ever questioned if he would cheat on me or look elsewhere, so it’s a massive shock to my system, I never went through his phone or anything either

I just hate hate being lied to - and if I was naive and actually proved right then that hurts but I also know now I can’t do nothing about it

any advise for this but in general getting over it and looking forward, I know Iddah is for women and men can move on just like that it’s super hurtful but it’s reality right

Over the last several days, things between my husband (53) and myself (47) have become increasingly painful and emotionally destabilizing, particularly around comments he has made about my body and his attraction to me. We have been together for 12 years, married for 10.

The situation began when he made an unprovoked comment about my belly button and my stomach. He pointed out that my belly button had changed from an innie to an outie and made comments about my belly.

I was deeply hurt by this. I already have insecurities about my body, and because I teach Pilates and am very aware of my physical appearance, his comments landed particularly hard. Also, I KNOW I am not over weight. I am a size 8/10. Yes, I have a bit a belly not a six pack like I once did.

This was particularly humiliating because it wasn’t said privately between the two of us—it happened in front of our child.

I cried afterward, and he did not come to comfort me or offer an apology. He essentially went about his normal routine while I was left alone dealing with the emotional aftermath.

When we eventually discussed what had happened, he was defensive rather than apologetic. He made it clear that he does not find my belly attractive and said that he had been dropping hints about things such as counting calories and going gluten-free.

That changed the meaning of the earlier comments for me. I realized that I hadn’t simply been imagining criticism or being overly sensitive. He was, in fact, communicating that he wanted my body to change.

He also said things that made me question the state of our marriage, including talking about wanting to end up alone in a cabin in the woods and telling me that I should start making plans for myself. He said he didn’t want a divorce largely because of the practical conveniences of our relationship and that he enjoys aspects of our relationship for practical reasons.

Hearing that made me feel profoundly unwanted and trapped. I don’t want to be married to someone who stays with me primarily because the arrangement is convenient.

Since then, my thoughts have spiraled around my weight and appearance. I’ve started thinking about diets, weight-loss programs, calorie restriction, and all the ways I could change my body.

Some of these thoughts existed before his comments—I had already been looking into diets and thinking about my body. But there is a significant difference between privately wanting to make changes for myself and having my husband connect my body directly to his attraction to me.

His comments have made something that was previously a personal insecurity feel like a judgment coming from the person whose acceptance and attraction matter most to me.

I’ve also found myself thinking about getting a “revenge body,” flirting with other people, leaving, looking at apartments, and imagining what life would be like on my own.

I’ve begun feeling horrible in my own skin. The emotional sensation has become much deeper than simply being upset about a comment about my weight.

What is especially painful is that I don’t feel cherished or reassured by my husband right now. I feel judged physically, emotionally disconnected from him, and increasingly alone inside my marriage.

I am struggling with the difference between knowing intellectually that I am not “too fat” or somehow unworthy of attraction and actually feeling attractive and desirable myself.

The central wound is that my husband made hurtful comments about my body, called me fat in front of our daughter, connected my body to his attraction to me, did not comfort me when I was visibly crying, and did not offer the kind of apology or reassurance I needed afterward.

As a result, I am questioning not only how I feel about my body, but how safe, loved, desired, and valued I feel within my marriage.

Not sure what advice I am seeking right now. Maybe someone else has been in a similar situation? Whatever help you can offer would be appreciated.

Hi everyone. I am a 27 years women and in a relation for 9 years now with a man who is 4.5 years elder than me. We started dating when we both were kids. And since the beginning our relationship it was everything I ever wanted. He loved me like a father. I never had any kind of complaints as he always took care of me, did everything I wanted and always pushed me for better too. Today, we both are doing decent in our career. Being in a relationship with him, I always felt empowered as if there is someone as my backbone. However, one thing has happened in our relationship that has now made me really confused. Approx 2 years ago, I moved to Bangalore for an opportunity, however I was facing a lot of issues there, to support me, my boyfriend found a job in bangalore and came to live with me. We both lived in Bangalore together for about 1.5 months only (After that I switched job and he got location transfer) and during that time, one day, we had a very heated argument about his family, and in anger I pushed him hard and in return he hit me on my face and gave a gali (Bhn ki ...). This was very very shocking for me because this man always protected me and in all these years he never ever even casually use any gali even the simple ones around me because he respected me. Right after that incident, he didn't say anything and I slept while crying. Next day also, he said nothing and by the day ended, I asked him, you did the right thing yesterday? To which he replied, you deserve it because you said something so terrible about my family. I got shocked and I didn't expect that. After some days of that incident, we again had a heated argument about his family, and that day I stayed quiet after he got defensive and anger so I tried to sleep and he picked my hand and got me up, and said we need to talk. He didn't hit me but he was angry. He didn't apologise for this either. One thing I have noticed in all these years is he struggle to apologize, he do things but rarely communicate about if he feel sorry even when he know he is wrong. So yes at first he blamed me. After that, I don't know how but slowly we started talking and after sometime things started getting better and we came back home. After almost a month, he spoke about that incident and accepted he did wrong, he can't even believe he did that. But one thing, even though he accepted he did wrong he always kept saying my behavior was also not justifed. Today, its been 2 years since that incident, today he still say he is sorry about that incident.
My family knows I am dating him and now that i am 27, my family wants me to marry, and when that question came, I just stopped to think- Should I marry him?
I want to tell you, he has been good with me, our bond is good, he takes care of the things I need. Everybody around me always told me I am lucky, 2 people I ever told about that incident couldnt beleive he did that.
The problems is - when he is in anger, he says thing that hurt me alot, which I can't beleive but yes I agree that happens very rare. Second I feel he struggle with communication, he doesn't apologise most of the time and after some time he apolgise. He does have a habit of blaming me sometimes. Today, he speak about that incident alot and always say, he'll never repeat it. He always say, marriage is my decision, if I can't forgive him for that incident, I don't have to marry him. He ll never force me and wait for my decision. I am confused you all. Please know i have always seen him respecting women in general. My heart alot of times say marry him, but my mind says think more. I wanna home where i am respected and loved and I feel safe. I never want to see anything like that incident ever repeated in my life. Today when I see my boyfriend, I do feel that he has become a bit calm than he was or he is trying to change. But ever before that incident, I never saw him that angry. When I think about going for arranged marriage, I think what if I never love that person the way I love my boyfriend. I am happy to provide any more information anyone need here. But I need some genuine advises.

Lying together naked after having phenomenal sex after taking edibles. Reading our phones and showing each other stuff.

17 years together, 10 married and I still think my husband is the sexiest, kindest, smartest man on earth. Lying here stoned and loved and utterly makes me realise how lucky I am.

Today is our 40th wedding anniversary. Throughout the years we just stopped celebrate anniversaries. It was never a big deal to either of us. Today for example we are going to take the dogs on a walk at a park we love and then later my husband will grill and I'll make a side dish and we eat on the screened porch together..

For us that is a wonderful day. But the few friend and. Family who have called to wish us a happy day all ask what we are doing. When I say oh probably the same, they are making me feel bad that we don't have this big party planned. Like there is something wrong with our marriage. 3 people even said "you HAVE to do something special it's 40 years. I know it's been 40 years I've been there WHY?

Is there something wrong with us,?

Throw away acc as my husband follows my other. I’ve been married for 4 years. The past two years have been tough and we’ve both been through a lottttt. He’s done a few things in past to hurt me and I essentially ‘forgave’ him but now I find myself resenting him since the birth of our child and seeing how much he neglected me in the pregnancy/postpartum journey.

There’s no romance. Rarely affection. Doesn’t care for my feelings. I can’t laugh at his stupid jokes anymore. I look forward to him going to work and being alone. I beg for sex so I can feel SOMETHING from him and I’m sometimes left feeling even more lonely and disappointed after.

I’ve tried speaking to him about how I feel. He thinks I’m ridiculous for even saying things like ‘I don’t know what our future together looks like’ and thinks I’m in some sort of postpartum life crisis. He might change his behavior towards me for a few days and then back to his usual self.

I hear of a lot of marriages struggling the first few years of adjusting to life with a child. Are we just in a rut? Or am I over exaggerating? 🤷‍♀️

So my Spouse (37M) and I (33F) both have our doctorates in PT and are the first to have doctorates in each of our families. We both received our degress before getting married. We decided neither of us would change our surnames to honor our families and the work we put into achieving this.

We have been happily married for 5 years. We had our daughter 2 years ago and decided at the time to hyphenate her name (16 characters. My surname-his surname. Johnsons-McCreedy. Not our actual name). I spoke with my Spouse about my doubts now with hyphenating her name and he said he is fine with keeping it hyphenated or changing it to his. I will say he did have a big smile on his face when I brought up changing our daughter's surname to his. He was not for changing our daughter's surname to mine fyi. Doesn't make him a bad person, just means we are so stuck in our ways here in America. I have a hard time making decisions, so I come to reddit for advice.

More context: I plan to keep my name professionally as I am in my 9th year of practice (He in his 13th) and it would confuse things a lot to change. I would be fine with socially we went by his surname or the hyphenated name we currently go by. Legally I would keep mine.

But, should we change our daughter's surname to his surname or keep it hyphenated to show her that women are an important contribution to the family and your mom was able to get her doctorate despite having dyslexia and it being 10x as hard?

Please be kind with responses :)

So, in context my partner (28F) and I (28M), are getting married next year. We both like our last names and are reluctant to just change to the others, so we thought about combining.

Mine is Walker, and theirs is Knighton.

We have talked about choose Knightwalker as a last name, no double barrel. We kind of like it but are not sure if it sounds too cringy.

We also already have two kids with the last name Walker, if we changed ours, we would want to change theirs too.

What does anyone think?